 Monday, this is episode number 74 of this series that I've been doing for quite a while now. Today we are going to talk about that thing where an anxious person can wind up feeling really angry or resentful or upset with the people around them that aren't anxious. So when you're struggling, you may sometimes find that you are angry at people who aren't struggling or you're harboring some resentment toward them or you just really bothered because you just wanna feel better and they're out there being happy and sort of living their lives and it triggers an emotional response in you and you feel a little angry and you feel a little resentful. That's actually more normal than we think. We don't like to admit it. Let's normalize it a little bit today. Doesn't mean you're a bad person. So that's what we're gonna talk about today. Let's get the chat overlay up so everybody can talk to each other as you usually do. Hopefully this is working. I did not ask anybody to give me the thumbs up but I assume that you can hear me. I think I have the technical things worked out after 73 of these. We'll hang out for 30 or 40 minutes today. We'll talk about this. You guys can feel free to share your own experiences with this particular issue. It's a little bit more common than we would think. So sometimes when you feel that way, you might think, oh man, I'm the worst. I'm such a horrible person. Why am I angry at these people just for living their lives? So we don't like to admit it but it's a thing. And again, it doesn't make you a bad person. It generally makes you struggling. It makes you prone to human emotions and all that sort of stuff. So hello everybody. Was it Bella from Twilight on the thumbnail as Katya? I don't know that. I literally do not know who that was in the thumbnail to be completely honest with you. I just sort of pick it in Canva. Who knows? Anyway, hey Carol, hello everybody's here. Bethany's here. If you are in my Facebook group watching, I'm just gonna see you as Facebook user. I'm sorry. Restream doesn't tell me your name but so if you wanna say your name like I see more is here from Montreal. That's cool. Again, we're gonna try and keep it to the topic but we always do sort of like go into general Q and A usually after I give my little spiel. So we'll do some of that too. Whatever, we'll be casual. We'll hang out for 30, 40 minutes and try and go over this topic. So by show of hands, how many folks in the comments section today, there's 30 of you and people will show up as we go but how many people have experienced this if you want to say? Not everybody wants to say because sometimes it feels embarrassing to get angry for what you kind of think is no reason or to be angry at people who aren't really doing anything but living their lives. Has anybody felt this before? If you wanna share, that's totally fine but know that even if not a lot of people share thanks Jose, I appreciate you sharing that. You don't have to say it because sometimes it feels embarrassing to say that but yeah, it happens because we're human and sometimes we get upset, we get angry, we get frustrated. That frustration shows itself in various different ways such as being angry at other people even though they didn't do anything to us, it happens. Like human beings in general fly off the handle sometimes for no reason. Every one of us has gotten angry and look back in that and thought, oh, that was kind of silly of me and then maybe we apologize to our friend or our coworker or our partner or our kids, people that we get angry with and you'll come back to be able to say like, oh, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that to you or I was angry, I'm really sorry. Like that's just a part of the human experience in general and if you are really struggling because you are feeling afraid and certain vulnerable restricted and you're struggling to try and find a way out of this and it's going too slow and you're impatient and you're frustrated then you're gonna fly off the handle sometimes too, that's okay. You might not even say things to people but you may feel it internally and again, we're just here to sort of validate that, normalize it and let you know that it doesn't mean you're a terrible person. The same sort of emotions sometimes we experience for various reasons and when you are struggling with the recovery process oftentimes you will sometimes feel like you are selfish or self-centered. That's another way that recovery can sort of impact the way we express ourselves or the way we show ourselves to the world. And I did a podcast episode on that a couple of years ago about how the disorder itself is very selfish and self-centered but it doesn't mean that you are and this is the same thing. The disorder will sometimes make you lash out a little bit or have these feelings of anger but it doesn't mean you're a bad person, I promise. So let's see what everybody says here a little bit before we talk about that because I did ask all the time, yeah, I'm the female Hulk, upset Envy. Sure, Envy is a good one. Envy is that people are out there living their lives and you really want to in the worst way and you're working so hard to do it and to struggle and so Envy is a normal experience for sure. I appreciate you guys sharing, by the way, this way. Let's see, I do find myself resentful of people who seem normal but then consider that they may be going to their issues but we're gonna put the comments up on the screen right away, I usually do that at the end but I like that you guys are chiming in right away. Consider that they may be going through issues at well, that helps. Love this, Sean, thank you so much for pointing that out. That is 100% true. I think this is especially true when sometimes social media, and I know I dump all over social media often, I don't mean to but sometimes we're interacting with people primarily online and in a social media context, we have a tendency to see what they put there which is often a highlight reel and compare ourselves to that and that can be unfair to us. You don't know what's going on the minute before that person snapped a picture or the minute after. So Sean, very good for pointing that out, I appreciate it. This is a good comment too. I get angry because I compare me to the old me, that's my comparison. And I think what can sometimes happen is that you see other people out there doing what they do and it triggers a little bit of that comparison. So sometimes a lot of people would say, I'm not saying this is true, it's one interpretation. A lot of people would say we get angry and we start to feel resentful because we're angry at ourselves or we're just angry at our own situation and it comes out as feelings toward other people, even silent feelings that you might not say. So not everybody lashes out, you just might harbor those feelings and think, oh, shouldn't feel this way, I'm terrible, why do I feel this way? So that's a good one too, I like it. It can be tricky when those of us who are working toward recovery have to grapple with the anxious vibes coming off our friends and family members. Does anybody else find yourself particularly sensitive to? Okay, so this is a good question from Ben, it's a big comment, so I'm not gonna put it up on the screen who asked if anybody finds themselves triggered or sensitive to other people's anxiety. That's actually also a pretty common thing. But I think it's important to point that out. That is, yes, that can be a thing. You might say, well, what another person is sensitive than it is anxious, that it makes me anxious too. But we have to always challenge that narrative and say, well, I can have an emotional response to their emotional response, especially if it's someone you care about, it's a friend, it's a loved one. If you see them struggling, that might make you feel certain emotions. And then those emotions in that sensitized sort of overworked amygdala state can quickly morph into fear and an anxious response. So that happens quite often too. Just, I'm a big fan of being really careful about not invalidating your emotional makeup, but also being really careful about that whole thing where like, well, I glue myself to other people's emotions because I have to. Well, you don't have to recognize the process that's going on there. Know that it's really common for people to say that. A lot of anxious people will say, if I'm in a situation where people are arguing or they're getting really loud or aggressive, I get really anxious. So that's also pretty common too. I appreciate you bringing that up then for sure. Lisa says, I love this. And it's mainly about, I just want to kind of normalize this and validate this. And I appreciate you guys sharing. So Lisa says, I've definitely felt this way, but I feel even angrier when they look at me like I'm faking it. I'm not sure, that's really interesting. Like, Lisa, if you want to comment more on that, I'd be curious to what you mean about that. They look at you like I'm faking it. I'm just not necessarily understanding. I'd like to hear more for sure. What else do we have? Maria says, she's felt that way for sure. 100% feel and have felt resentment. Sure, frustration. Feel like an, oh, let's put this up on the screen. It's a big comment too, but we'll put it up for a second. Thank you for sharing, Michelle. Pure frustration because it sucks. Feel like an outcast at that time. Yeah, that's a really awful way to feel. This can make us feel isolated. It can make us feel alone. It can make us feel like the world is leaving us behind. Sometimes it makes us feel like our family and friends, the people that we would hope would never leave us behind are in fact leaving us behind. So I totally get that. So Lisa, her extra comment was, like if I say, I feel like I'm going to pass out. Oh, okay, let me go to the bottom and put this up here. Yeah, this is not cool. Do not show me this again, hang on. This is a follow up on Lisa's initial comment. Thank you for clarifying by the way, Lisa, I appreciate it. Like if I feel like I say I'm gonna pass out, they look and say, oh, you look and sound like you're totally normal. Yeah, okay, so that I get it. So sometimes when people will, they don't understand how it feels because they're not feeling it. No human being can ever actually feel when another person is feeling it at any given time. And we talked about this a lot in this community where the reason why they don't understand is because they don't see the danger that we do, right? Or that you might in the moment. So they don't understand, and they will dismiss sometimes how you feel because they understand that you don't have to feel that way. But sometimes it can come across as accusatory and invalidating, like you look fine. And especially if there's an implication, I've literally unfortunately heard people been told that it seems like they are faking it. I've had people who said, well, like my partner or my mom or my friend or my boss flat out asked if I was faking this and which is so not okay. Let me turn off my screen blanking software because I forgot to do that. But yeah, I appreciate you clarifying that for sure. So let's see. Okay, this is Jose, let's put this up. My friends are telling me I'm a wuss for how restricted and vulnerable I've become, which is not okay. Like, and there's a little bit of, we could talk about some of that and we will at times. That's sort of that masculine thing where the way we approach mental health for men is not cool, but to hear something like that, you're a wuss. Sometimes I've heard that. And I've also seen instances where the person making that accusation then experiences it themselves. So if you've ever seen like a typical, whatever fearless warrior, alpha male, whatever who experiences his first panic attack and then see the turn of events, some part of you will feel a sense of justice. You won't want to feel that way because you will clearly not want that person to experience it. But sometimes when they do those same people quickly change their tone when it's them. So I appreciate you sharing that too. Let's see here. What does Bethany have to say? Let's pop this up on the screen. I got to look over the top. I'm sure people in recovery from all kinds of things struggle with these things. Yeah, exactly. I'm sure it is addiction, definitely eating disorders. It's not just panic attacks, agoraphobia and OCD for sure. That's really good. And we do, unfortunately we will compare ourselves to others all the time. And again, especially if you're interacting with a lot of people or regularly in a digital or electronic virtual format, that can be really tough because again, you're seeing people's highlight reels if you will. Let's say, did I ever feel that way, angry at others for not having an anxiety disorder? Well, I'm bringing it up, so I don't mind the question. I never don't want to ask a question. I don't hide things, but sometimes I'm a little reluctant. I know I talked about that in a podcast episode or two ago. I'm always reluctant to say what I did, but I would have to say that I never felt, I wouldn't say never. I did have moments where I would get really frustrated and impatient with this process. And that might make me get sort of short and snippy and a little bit yappy with the people around me, but it wasn't cause I was upset with them or resentful toward them. I was really frustrated with me and that would make me sometimes less than pleasant to be around. I can admit that. So that was a thing. And I'm sure that's a thing that many of you might also feel also, even if you don't necessarily feel angry toward a person, you might just feel generally angry or frustrated with yourself and then we get a little bit ornery, which again, human beings can do. Doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you under stress. I love the comments that you guys are really, really killing it. And I love how supportive you are by sharing all these things. Yeah, this is a thing too. Let's see here. The people I feel angry at are the people who refuse to even try to understand. Yeah, there are people like that. And yes, sometimes they can be family. I'm actually putting together this, which surprised me, I didn't expect this request, but the next most popular topic that was requested for me to do a workshop on is this topic. Like anxiety explained for friends and family. I literally just published that on my website and I'm gonna be working on that. It's gonna be in September, but often it can even be our closest friends and family. They're just not interested. Sometimes we get angry at other people because they see our struggles as very inconvenient for them. That's true. So I'm not trying to absolve the world of its transgressions because sometimes people can really suck. So that's true. I appreciate you pointing that out. I don't want to be upset. Okay, let's throw this up here, because this is important. Thank you, Aliyah, for sharing this too. I don't want to be upset at them for it. I just don't want to admit that I wish I could do what they do and I feel that I can't. Yeah, that makes sense. And that's that sense of shame sometimes and embarrassment that like, oh, I'm angry at people, but I don't want to feel angry at people. And does that mean that I'm bad? Am I a bad person? What does this turn me into? I've lost myself. Anxiety has turned me into this monster. I've heard those sort of things. And that's not a fair thing to say to yourself. You're just having normal emotions. Again, I will tie it back also to the feeling that you are selfish or self-centered because anxiety will want to make everything about itself. And this is a variant on that, right? So anxiety needs to be the center of attention all the time, disordered anxiety. Your fear has to be the center of attention all the time. You don't want it to be, you hate that, but it will force its way into the center of the universe and want everything to revolve around it. And it can also make you feel selfish or self-centered or uncaring or insensitive. It can make you feel all of those things sometimes, but it doesn't mean that you are. Just like it doesn't make you a bad person if you feel angry or resentful at times. That's important, stay in touch with that. Let's keep going. I just, I can relate to your book. Any advice how I can overcome it? Keep reading. So that's our Rx extreme. I suffer from anxiety and agoraphobia. I can relate to your book. So I'm guessing maybe the book you're reading is an anxiety story. That's just the story of what I did. The second book is called The Anxious Truth, that I can't tell you like in a comment on a YouTube video, this is how you overcome anxiety or agoraphobia. 200 and somewhat podcast episodes and multiple books about it. So just use the resources if you can. They could have empathy. I think that's fair. I do think that's fair. They could have empathy. I think I expect too much from people. I think it's not a lot to expect for people to at least be sensitive to the fact that other people struggle. And listen, not to turn it into a huge social commentary here. That's not a lot to ask, by the way. It's okay to want that from our fellow human beings, I think. But often, unfortunately, people tend to feel like it's not a problem unless it's my problem and that can come out in that. I don't even wanna know about your problem because your problem is harsh in my mellow, man. You're ruining my day. I don't wanna have to deal with your problem. I only wanna deal with my problems. So that's tough. That's a tough place to be in for sure. Ooh, this is a good comment too. This is like all comments all the time. I actually enjoy this format rather than me just yacking at you for 15 minutes. Some people in my family think it's a choice. That's tough too. Because, and again, I'm not trying to hawk a workshop but this is what I'm working on now in this new one, talking about that and trying to explain that to them in many ways. And it's hard because when you try to explain it to your family that it's not a choice. It's hard for them to hear you explain it, right? It's hard to hear the suffering person explain it to you because they're in avoidance mode and they are in fear mode and they are in reaction mode. So you, unfortunately, in a situation where you try to tell your friends and family, this is not a choice. I'm legitimately terrified right now. They don't get it. Sometimes you need that third party or that other voice of authority to be able to explain that to them. But yeah, it's not a choice. We do have power and influence in the recovery process and part of recovery as we learn that but it's not a choice to become this way. That's absolutely, patently untrue, which is hard, you know? And they don't understand that. Hey, Rachel, good to see you. It's an important topic to get frustrated because I understand but I can't make other people understand. Okay, that's a big comment that'll cover the whole screen. But the idea that you would get frustrated and resentful possibly or angry at people because you can't make them understand is actually a bit of a clue. I don't think we should, this sometimes is controversial when I say this, people push back on this, but I do not think that it is incumbent upon us to make them understand something that they are not experiencing. We can try to make them understand the mechanics of what's going on, but they will never fully embrace the experience that we have as people who are dealing with things like OCD or health anxiety or panic disorder. So I think we have to be really careful about that because sometimes, and Rachel, I'm not saying you are doing this, but often we look for what's the word I'm looking for? We look for understanding but we're really looking for is accommodation. So we have to be careful about drawing the line like, listen, I can explain this to you so you understand why I'm like this. I doesn't mean that you should be expected to accommodate my fear forever. So it's a tough spot to be in because we have a right to support or we certainly have a right to want the support of our friends and our family, but we also have to make sure that we never abandon our own responsibility and our own power in the process. It's not responsibility and blame, it's power. So thanks Rachel, I appreciate it. And again, thank you for sharing. I'm obsessed with a certain sentiment sensation. Okay, we're gonna skip that a little bit today because it's a little off topic. Oh, it's not so much. Let's put Amber's comment up here. I watch other people and see that they don't focus on those sensations and how normal their life is and I wonder if I will ever be me again. So this is actually not a bad thing, right? So in this situation, Amber, and again, thank you for sharing in the comments here. I think when you look at somebody else who says, for instance, like, oh, it feels like I can't breathe today. And you hear it sometimes here in the Northeastern US and we can get, I understand, if you're in the Southwestern US, you guys were literally living on the sun, but we get high humidity or if you're in the Southeast or if you're in Florida, we get high temperatures and high humidity. And there are days when it just feels like the air is thick and you can't breathe. For an anxious person, that's a huge trigger, right? A lot of you would be super triggered by weather like that. Where you see other people literally out there running, guys out there running six miles to work out, he'll say, oh man, it feels like the air is so thick I can't breathe yet he's out there running. In a way, it will trigger some feelings of anger, resentment, or frustration, but we can also use those people as role models. Like why is this, why are all these people in the exact same environment that I'm in, they feel it too, they're even commenting on it, but only I interpreted it as a nightmare. Sometimes we can turn that around and use that to our advantage. So consider that, sometimes. They don't even mean to help us that way, but sometimes they can be role models for us because they're being oblivious to be completely honest with you. Sometimes that helps. Let's see here. Okay, Jose had a friend who would kind of belittle it a little bit and talk down about it and then when I'm calling an ambulance or panic attack, it happens, it happens. Let's see. No, no, no, I think I feel jealousy. Okay, that's fair too, Rachel, this is a good comment, I feel jealousy. Sure, envy, jealousy, I wanna be like them. I'm envious of them, yeah, I get that. Very normal, again, human beings, we feel stuff. So inconvenient, isn't it? I had a friend who always played down my issues with anxiety by telling me, oh, let's put this up. Thank you, Bessie, for sharing this. I had a friend that always played down my issues with anxiety by telling me to just take a pill and get over it. I heard that, I heard that now when I was going through the thick of my struggles, we were in the golden, I was called the golden era of miraculous pharmaceuticals like SSRIs had hit their stride where it was essentially, look, we figured out the brain and we can cure this stuff. I'm not making commentary on meds today, take them, don't. I support you either way, but I used to be told all the time, you know, we have a pill for that. So I get that, that felt, that used to make me angry because of my own personal experience. And again, I did three podcast episodes on that, go to my website, search anti-depressant, you will find three podcast episodes where I told my experience with meds and that's all I'm gonna say. I make no judgment, everybody's welcome. So that could be tough to hear though. Let's see, the comparison, who I used to be resonates. I'm a mom, Sharon, I work through her agoraphobia. It's tough to give myself the grace. I know I deserve through this hard work. Yeah, and sometimes it's that negative, harsh judgment that triggers, we're angry at ourselves, we're frustrated, like we're impatient, we're seeing ourselves as less than, or I used to see myself as failing. Then I started to feel like a failure and that will make all kinds of big emotions like anger and resentment, for sure. You guys are killing it today in the comments. I did a couple of episodes of the podcast. One was called, How Do We Make My Family Understand My Anxiety, and again, that's the workshop that I'm working on. We're going into much more detail there. I did two episodes of the podcast with my friend Holly. You guys, if you've listened to all the podcast episodes, you know, Holly, that was called Someone I Care About Has Anxiety, How Do I Help? That was a two-parter. And I did write about it in the book a little bit too in The Anxious Truth. So it's a big topic. It's hard to describe these things. It really is. And sometimes having that third party to explain it can certainly be helpful. So let's see here. Ooh, this is great. I'm a big fan of this comment. It may be important to say I have an anxiety disorder and I hope you can understand, rather than just telling them a symptom and expecting them to understand, right here, this is gold, this comment right here is gold. Thank you so much, Lisa, because I think that's a really productive way to interact. Now, the person you're talking to or the people might still not get it. They may still dismiss you. They may still not care. They may still be uncaring or even nasty toward you. We can't control that. But this is probably a great way to approach it as opposed to I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like I'm dizzy, because especially if they've heard you say that a thousand times, this starts to make more sense. So thank you, Lisa. Very good. Let's see here. Adrenaline is self-limiting. Do I have a book or something that explains this? When I, hang on. This is the book. That's the book that you probably want. That goes through all of these things. Can you see it? Is it focused? Look at that. Look, I'm an influencer. I'll put my hand behind it. Anyway, so yeah, Matt, this book talks about that. Be careful though, about wanting continuous detailed scientific explanation about the self-limiting nature of adrenaline. Sometimes you can get trapped in that. Like, well, I've heard that adrenaline is self-limited and I've read about it four times. I've seen 16 articles and listened to four podcast episodes. But can you give me more information about that? Just be careful about that. Okay, hello, Fake Canada. So Mary Lisa asks, isn't it kind of a choice if we don't do the work? Okay, so yeah, that's my influencer. I've got to put your hand behind the camera, sorry. So it focuses. This is a really good comment. This is where we find our power and our influence in the recovery process. I don't necessarily disagree with this, but it's kind of, I don't totally agree, but I also totally don't disagree. I agree with the principle, but it's really hard to say this without sounding like we're blaming ourselves or victim blaming, if you will. Not that there's no victims here, but we don't wanna ever make it sound like you're choosing to be that way. Where that starts to become relevant and people can start to get really impatient with us and then we start to get triggered into feeling, I don't know, you know, angry or resentful is when they have tried to understand and they have kind of seen what's going on and they do sort of know what you have to do and we keep refusing to do it. Yeah, that sometimes can start to come out as like, well, you're just not doing it. I get that, I get that. So that's a good point. Let's see here. Makes sense, very good. Let's keep going. There are weeks new of this issue as well. She talked about it. You probably look at others in the street and wonder, yep, sure, Dr. Weeks did talk about this. You're totally right. Let's see here. Oh my God. I'm putting this up on the screen. I had to explain exposure therapy and they thought it meant I walked outside with that much in the way of clothing. Now that's funny, but in the same vein it is illustrative of how little the general population, and look, I'm glad they don't know because it means that they haven't had to know. You should probably be happy that most people don't understand the mechanics of an anxiety disorder because it means they haven't had to, but it really, that plays toward like, well, they don't really get it. Like they actually don't get it. So like they literally took the word exposure as literal in that situation. Interesting. Let's keep going here. What was your highest heart rate in your worst panic? Because I'm never gonna answer that. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter what my highest heart rate is. Your heart rate, no matter how fast it has been has never caused a problem in the end other than make you be afraid. So I'm not gonna go to that. I'm not gonna do that. Let's see here. Feel the same way. Don't wanna be the old me. Okay, this is cool. This is like one of those healthy outlooks on recovery. I wanna grow and evolve. Nothing wrong with that. Sure. Listen, I think part of the reason why we start to get angry and resentful at people who aren't struggling is because again, we were triggered and feel about ourselves, but sometimes it's natural to pine away for the old me or the non-anxious me or the me that used to do things before I was afraid to go to the supermarket or get the mail or do it or whatever. The me before I was consumed with the thought that I might never get better. The me before I was constantly worried about my food being poisoned or that I accidentally hurt somebody with my car. I get that. So we can pine for the old us, but also know that this process does change a person and there's probably, if nothing more, a broader version of you. I won't say better because that's maybe a judgment call I don't get to make, but a different version of you that's had more life experience that's faced and challenges that learn more about yourself. I know it sounds like I'm sort of leaning toward better version, but I won't go on. I won't say better. I'm gonna stop saying that. Let's see here. Ooh, okay, good one too. This can also trigger those feelings of like anger and resentment. Like, hey, I just did a hard thing. How about a pat on the back? We do deserve a pat on the back. Like everybody needs a pat on the back. I generally did my recovery work in solitude, but even I could use a pat on the back now then. So none of us can just go through life without this often. So that's cool too. If you just want somebody to say good job, I know how hard that was and they just stay silent. That's a tough one. Let's see here. When you get anxious, I get irritable. Sure, I become super snappy. 100%, I totally get that. Like it's a nicotine feed. Like a nicotine feed. This is a good comment. A lot of people feel this way. Some people withdraw, some people wanna be alone, some people get really silent. Some people get a little aggressive and angry. It's a tough one, man. Like the fact that you recognize this is probably a good starting point. I recognize what I'm doing. So you might have an issue where when you start to get anxious or you're in that heightened state, you start to get really snappy and snippy with people. But once you've recognized that you did it, maybe before you get into that situation, considering a plan that you can follow, like okay, when I get into that state, my best bet is to try to engage as best I can. But when I find myself lashing out at people because my anxiety does that to me or makes me want to do that, I can take a few steps back, not isolate, not hide in the cave, but maybe I need to disengage for a few minutes and give myself a cooling down period, let it peek and come down, that sort of stuff. Because in a lot of instances, that's a response that it's fight or flight. Some people, I've heard some people say, I'm not saying this is true. That's the fight version of fight or flight. I'm gonna start to get angry and lash out at the people around me. Sometimes it's like, how come nobody here is making me feel safe? But let me back up a little bit and just be silent for a couple of minutes and see what happens then. That's one way to go. Hope that helps. Let's see. When is it going to end? Sure, all of these things are reasons why you might feel anxious, oh, not anxious, angry and resentful. Resentful, let's see here. Let's see, it doesn't matter how angry other people get, nobody gets mad at me than myself. Sure, Rachel, you really, thank you, I really appreciate this. That makes me angry, but sometimes I feel I needed to help. So this is really good, Rachel, you've been very open today and I appreciate you. It doesn't matter how angry other people get, nobody gets mad at me than myself. Yeah, I feel that, I can relate to that. For some people, that feeling of anger and resentment, and I'm glad you brought this up, if you start to feel like this sucks, I'm not getting better, I'm missing out on life, I wanna be like the old me, I wanna be involved in life and I can't, look at all those people out there doing that. Sometimes when I would get really frustrated by that and impatient by that, I would use that as motivation. Sometimes when I was really angry at me and felt like I was failing or a failure, I would get angry at me and I would use that as motivation. So sometimes, even though I know popular self-help advice would say, anger is a useless emotion, it should be engineered out of us, it's pointless, sometimes it's motivator, sometimes. I'm not saying to continually berate yourself, but using that as motivation is sometimes helpful. Let's see here, let's keep going. This is great, it's just, you guys are making the content today. I'm feeling lazy, I just get to listen to your comments because they're all really good, by the way. Let's see here, the food being poisoned thing. Yeah, I just had that intrusive thought. I wanna go into today because it's a little off topic. I've talked about that before. It's in podcast episodes and whatnot. Food being poisoned, it's literally just nothing more than an intrusive thought. I used to have that irrational intrusive repetitive thought that my food was poisoned. So it wasn't a special thing. Other people have contamination things, they have to keep washing, they keep counting and checking or they fear that they will hurt somebody or themselves or that they have or that their relationship isn't real or they have questions about their sexual orientation. Mine just happened to be that, right? So that my food was poisoned. So it wasn't a special intrusive thought, it just was an intrusive thought. This is a tough one too, this is gonna make you feel angry as well. My family will tell me to just stop thinking. Think happy thoughts is bad enough. Stop thinking is horrific, horrible, horrible, horrible advice, nobody gets to just stop thinking. Your brains don't work that way. So yeah, that would certainly make you feel a little bit angry and resentful, right? Let's see here. Fake it till you make it. Somebody's asking me to explain that. I don't remember which episode of Disordered that I do with Josh Fletcher. We literally just talked about fake it till you make it. I don't remember which one that was. But if you're checking, if you're listening to Disordered that's, we talked about that. Fake it till you make it is kind of a real thing. Act the way you want to feel is the super gross oversimplification of kind of in a nutshell what this sort of looks like. Maybe that helps. Let's see. Let's keep going, let's keep going, let's keep going. I believe once you get through this you become a stronger person. Yeah, I believe so. I think so too. I think there's, we do find strength in this. So even when we're confronted with things like anger and resentment and feeling like we're selfish and self-centered and we don't like ourselves, the silver lining that you do not see at all until afterwards that anybody in the room who is either further down the road to recovery or would call themselves recovery can verify this, you do not see it during. So I can tell you about valuable lessons and there's gold forge in these fires and one day you'll be happy for some of those lessons. Throw it away because until you get there you won't see it. So sometimes it's not fair for me to say stuff like that because you don't see it right now. Let's see here. If you don't tell, let's put this up real quick. Is it shame if you don't tell insensitive people about your actual agoraphobia? Should we just tell them? Can't really say that's an individual choice. Like some people, I mean, you can start from the basic premise that like your mental health is your business and no one else's. Start from that premise. You don't have to tell anybody. Don't also buy into the narrative that says if you repress it, it means you're not healing or something that's not an absolute truth either. So you can start from the premise that like nobody has to know about this if I don't want it to my mental health is private, right? Your mental health is private. Then go from there. Is it shame if you don't want to tell them? I can't say why you don't want to tell them. So I can't really say that. And should I tell them? I can't really say that either. It's very, very individual. So I'm sorry they don't have a good answer for you. But sometimes there are instances where people don't know about your agoraphobia. You're working on it. Do they need to know about it? Sometimes it would make things easier on ongoing relationships if they did know about it. But that is so individual and so based on context that there's no right or wrong answer to that. Sorry. Okay. So it's okay to get like, listen, I'm seeing comments here about feeling like failure. I'm kind of going through them really quickly. Yeah, that's really common. Like I used to feel like a failure. I felt like I was feeling and then I would feel like a failure which is worse than feeling like I was failing. Failing was contextual and experiential. Failure was about me. So that was a tough one. But that happens. You're gonna feel like that. I feel less than today. I feel down today. I feel low today. Now that I know how I feel, how can I express that? And then what can I do with that? Is such an important part of this. I am not saying that this is just about shake it off. Like shake it off and just get on with your life. It's never that. We don't get to just shake off our emotions or ignore them or engineer them away through some sort of exposure or action. But once you recognize that you are feeling a way about yourself, I'm allowed to feel this way about myself because I'm human. Maybe I wanna tell somebody about it. Maybe I need to cry to my friend about it. Maybe I need to put my head on someone's shoulder and just feel that way for an hour or two or a day or whatever it is. Then what can I do with that feeling? Cause I know that feeling. I understand why I have it. I'm gonna allow it. I'm gonna be nice to myself. Now what do I do next? So when I was feeling like a failure, I would say, well then what can I do to help me feel less like a failure today or tomorrow? Maybe today I'm just gonna sit around and sulk. That happened, but then what am I gonna do with it? It's kind of important to remember that you have to take the next step. You get to validate your feelings always, always. Then what do I do with them? It's always important in the recovery process. You will find that as you come into these, there's generally a topic that I try to stay on. So I know that you just wanna ask me questions about your particular symptoms or challenges. And there's a ton of old episodes. I've done episodes on caffeine and alcohol and stuff. So you might wanna just check through those. Let's see here. I think I got to kind of the end here. Just stop worrying about it. Here's another one I wanna put up on the screen. My husband is big at telling me to just stop worrying about it. You can't. If you could just stop worrying about it, you totally would just stop worrying about it. If any of us could just decide to not be afraid, we would not be afraid. I wouldn't be here now. I wouldn't have to have this YouTube channel and write these books. So that's not cool. That's a person who doesn't understand the mechanics of that. It would be like telling him to stop thinking about something. He never, so in this situation, you could respond to your husband and say, you think about things all the time. You just don't interpret those thoughts like I do, but you still think about them. If I dare him to not think about something and he will see that he can't not think about something, just that the interpretation is different. So in this situation, it's not that you should be able to stop worrying. You learn to stop worrying by allowing yourself to worry, but don't answer the worries. And it's a whole thing that most people don't understand. It's not cool. All right, so where are we here? 37 minutes, I'm gonna wrap it up in a few. Let me see if we have any of your comments. Oh, hanging there, Jason. I see your granddaughter had a panic attack. I get it. That's tough to see, you know? Yeah, to feel better, you have to learn to feel better, that's true. Well, let me take this comment out. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to leave you hanging out there like that. Let's go down to the bottom, because I thought I had all of them. Sometimes I think it's anger, but it ends up being anxiety. Okay, this is good too, let's pop this up here. Anger comes from being pressured to get better. Let's put this up here because I think this sort of is important and we'll sort of wrap it up with this, but sometimes I think it's anger, but it just ends up being anxiety. It's like I asked myself, am I honestly even angry? I wanna end with this comment because I think today we're talking about emotions. We're specifically talking about being angry and resentful at people who aren't struggling like we are. And Wyatt Earp just said anxiety, hijacks emotions. This is such a common thing. It's not just you. There are 72 people watching live right now. I bet 50 of them would say, I went through periods or I'm in one right now where I cannot identify my own emotions. By show of hands, who has a hard time like identifying your own emotions? I used to have a really hard time identifying my emotions because I would know like, well, I'm sad, but I would only be sad for like eight seconds and then boom, it would instantly be fear. I would be really angry and then boom, it would instantly be fear. I would, this would happen again and again and again. So sometimes we don't even know what we're feeling or you sort of knew initially and then it instantly becomes anxiety or fear and whatever you felt initially as I was at the window. So know that as you get better at building a more normalized again, not extreme or catastrophic relationship with your own body and thoughts, your ability to identify your emotions clearly does come back over time. One of the stories I always love to tell because people like to hear it is the day that I got really angry and was only angry. Like that was a moment for me that told me like, oh, check it out, my hanger didn't morph into something. So as you go through this process and you reset your relationship with anxiety and fear and uncertainty and vulnerability and they don't become critical messages, they are coming through, Carol. I promise they are. My messages aren't coming through. I don't wanna comment on them though because that, well, we can hear you. I promise we're all here and we see you when we're listening to you. I promise we are. Notice how you will start to turn on yourself though. Be careful about that. Nobody's listening to me. I'm saying I'm inadequate and nobody's responding to me. Thank you, thank you, I appreciate it. We see you, you're here, you're part of this community. You have been for a long time, we care, I promise. But to go back to finish my point, it's, because I don't wanna, I don't wanna also single you out in a public video, right? But just know that everybody here, we see everybody here, everybody's welcome. But yeah, over time, our ability to discern our emotions do come back. They will come back, I promise. So thanks for hanging out, guys. I appreciate it. We're at about 40 minutes. I'm gonna hit the road. I got a few other things to take care of today. This was great. You guys were so good in the comment section today. I appreciate you all so much because this was mostly you guys just saying how you felt and talking to each other. And I think that's really awesome. That's my favorite part of this whole community is when you guys are nice to each other. It really is the best part. It's the thing that makes me smile the most and I appreciate it. So thank you so much. I appreciate it. This will stay up on my YouTube channel and on Facebook and in the Facebook group. Finding them on Facebook and in the Facebook group sometimes gets really frustrating. So come back to the YouTube channel for sure and subscribe to the channel if you're not because there's a whole playlist called Recovery Monday. If you ever wanna watch this stuff back, you're good to go. Thanks guys, appreciate it. I will see you again next Monday, but the Monday after. And what are we talking about this week in my podcast? This week we're talking about EMDR, EMDR therapy. So I have a therapist coming on to talk about EMDR. That'll be out on Wednesday morning. Disordered with Josh on Friday is, what are we talking about? We're talking about relapse and setback and what we call reversion. That's Friday on Disordered. See you later. We're out.