 The reason why the narcissist has to cause as much pain as possible, the narcissist has to hurt you. They're never satisfied. They're comfortable with dysfunctionality. So it may seem as though they have to be uncomfortable at all times. They have to be dissatisfied with whatever you're doing because then they can justify what they're doing. And then they can keep doing what they're doing. They need to cause chaos and drama. They need to have a problem with you. But although they claim there's all of these problems, they continue to remain around you. They're still a part of your life. They're still trying to mold you into what they want you to be. Instead of just leaving you alone, they act like it's because they're concerned about you. They love their family. They want to make things right. And that's why they can't go. But if you've watched my videos, you will know that this is all a lie. They're only around you because they're getting something out of it. Narcissists are only concerned with their own interests. They don't care about what happens to you, which is why once you've spent enough time with them, you become an emotional wreck. They drain your bank account while they're portraying this image as though they're going to do whatever they can to support the family. Because of course, narcissists are always favouring and encouraging traditional family structures and values. And that's why you can't get them away from you. Because they're so tied to this image and how it makes them look. And also the benefits that they get from being with you. It makes their lives very convenient. That's why they're always standing in the centre of the room and they won't leave. That's why you can't even go into the kitchen to make something to eat. Without them bothering you. Without them talking at you about something that's not relevant or important to you. Because they're only concerned with their own interests. Everything has to be at their convenience. Everything has to aid them. There always has to be a problem. They always have to be dissatisfied with something. They have to cause chaos and drama. Because they are emotionally dependent on these situations. They have to externalise however they feel about themselves. They have to have an excuse for why they're doing what they're doing. So that they can get supply for as long as they need it from you. Which is why any interaction you have with them is always emotionally charged. They're always trying to manipulate your emotions. It's like it penetrates your skin. And you always feel down whenever you're around them. They have been using their emotions to get what they want for a very long time. They're like big babies. Their words don't really mean anything. What they're saying never makes any sense. They don't really accomplish anything with their actions. It's all from their emotions. From their temper tantrums. From pretending to be nice to people. That's what gets them what they want. Which is why whenever you're around them, you feel emotional. It's like a skill that they have. Some people know how to make you feel really good. They can make you feel safe and secure. Where you want to open up to them. While narcissists have the opposite effect. They make you want to shut down and close yourself off. They say mean things. Often without even realising the effect that it's having on you. Because they're so self-absorbed. They lack empathy. They cannot share your experiences. Which is why it always feels like you're on your own. Being in a relationship with a narcissist is lonelier than being alone. Because at least then you have your own company. You can attend to yourself. While with a narcissist you can't even do that. Because they demand all of your attention and focus to be on them. But no matter what you do for them. They're always dissatisfied. It's like there's constantly something wrong all of the time. And it's constantly affecting you. This is the effect of the skill that narcissists have mastered. They know how to make you feel down. They know how to make you feel bad about yourself. Just like some people know how to make you feel good about yourself. But with narcissists it's the opposite. Because how we treat people is a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves. When someone feels good about themselves you feel that. Just as you can feel the narcissist self-hatred. Because they project it outwardly onto you and make you identify with it. Until it becomes a part of you and then they feel relieved. They blame everyone for their problems. It's like a part of who they are. It's a characteristic trait. It's what they do. They hold you responsible for everything. And they use that to justify what they do. When they have to punish you. When they have to cause as much pain as they possibly can. But they're often not even dissatisfied with anything. They just use it to create the environment that they like. It gets them what they want. It gets their needs met. They make you feel like there's always a problem. But then you soon discover there's no problem at all. Because they're actually comfortable in dysfunctional environments. Because then they can be in control. If they create the problem. They can then provide the solution. A solution will always be in their favor. It will always benefit them. And it will always be at your expense. Which is why the situations where they are really dissatisfied. Is when there's no way for them to complain. When you give them everything that they need. When you give them everything to make them feel comfortable. That is when you will see them act up the most. That is when they will have a breakdown. That is when you will see the problems. Things will just come out of nowhere suddenly and unexpectedly. Things that you never could have anticipated. That is when you will really see them panicking. Because they have to have an environment where there is something to complain about. They need to have a crisis. Where you need to fix something. Because something is wrong. And if you don't do it. You're bad. But no matter what you do. You're always going to be bad anyway. They take up all of your time with you having to fix all of this stuff. But when you get rid of all of the problems. That is when you will see the real problem. Which has nothing to do with anything in the external environment. The real problem exists within them. Which they are trying to hide by putting the finger at everyone else. Because they're never in situations where there are real problems. It's always a situation. Where it's good enough so that they can exploit everything. It's not going to be a dangerous environment. But they will always make you feel like something's wrong. They will always try to keep you in a fearful state. Because that's what gives them control. It provides them with emotional support. It regulates their emotions. It makes them feel comfortable within themselves. Thank you for watching. I hope this video resonate with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. And if you would like to donate. My PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching Inquiries. You can email me at coaching.narcsurvivor.co.uk Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.