 Stand by for crime Chuck Morgan again Did you ever participate in a full-scale revolution? Well, I had that dubious pleasure less than a month ago. And when I say pleasure, I use the word loosely Anyway, I made a good story and I'd like to tell you about it You see happy Mansfield owner of radio station KLP here in LA where a high workers newscaster is a showman of the first water When he heard rumors that the Ramon Escobar faction in the tiny South American Republic of Parana Was going to attempt to overthrow the Leopoldo de los Rios regime He contacted the powerful 250,000 watt station in Paolo for on his capital city They set up a short way deal whereby I could broadcast the show back to the United States Then he bought tickets for Carol Curtis my blonde secretary and me on the Braniff Airlines We left international airport on a Sunday evening and two days later. We're nearing our destination Only a short while longer glamour person will sit down at the Francisco airport in Paola, and I'll bet you'll be glad to get there. Oh, I don't do it kind of scares me I don't know a thing about South America. You don't why a glamour post South America extends from about 12 degrees north of the equator to about 56 degrees south of the equator It covers an area of seven million two hundred thousand square miles and has a population of one hundred million one hundred and ninety-five thousand Now I suppose you're going to tell me you also speak Paranian or whatever that is Naturally, well speak some that me Mucho, well, I'll be What does that mean Chuck? Oh, come on. I don't be stupid. Everyone knows what the armor mucho means Well, I don't and I don't believe you do either. Oh, I think you're making it out Your safety Well, I'm a pussy. This looks like the end of the journey They must go to bed early around here. I can't see a thing below That's because you're looking out of the wrong window birdbrain look over here. Oh Chuck, it's like a fairy land isn't it? Oh, there must be millions of lights I had no idea Peola would be so big. What you expect the backcountry settlement. Oh Peola my sweet is one of the most modern cities in the world is our most South Americans There's the airfield see it. Yes, you all said I'm as said as I ever will be but I'm still scared You're Chuck Morgan. Yes, that's right. You must be Pedro Falcon. I am sorry, senior I am not Pedro Falcone. I am a member of the great and glorious forces of Ramón Escobar Ramón Escobar, but I thought that we were gonna note the Americans think too slowly, senior Morgan The revolt led by General Escobar was successfully accomplished yesterday General Escobar now sits in the seat of power formerly occupied by that scoundrel Leopoldo de la Fríos and You senior Morgan are his prisoner The trouble with most Americans who travel abroad is that unthinkingly they're too sure of themselves and Unconsciously Carol Curtis and I follow the pattern. We protested violently at being treated like criminals We offered to show our credentials and we didn't get the chance In less time than it took us to realize exactly what was happening We were detoured around customs and forced into a curtain automobile Swayed by a couple of blunt-nose pistols pressed into our backs Our captain senior Pancho Artega. He said his name was was polite but adamant You would refrain from attempting to look from the automobile or in any way to attract attention But do so would be most disastrous for both of you I'm going to be pretty disastrous with you my friend Just waiting to the United States Consulate finds out about this the United States Council that I can assure you is not going to find out No, well, don't be too sure everyone in piranha knows. We're here tonight We've had more publicity than your whole two-bit revolution Precisely senior Morgan that is why you are our prisoner. I don't get it You will get it as you say in due time senior We wrote for about an hour making a lot of turns and keeping it a moderate pace Twice in the distance we heard sounds of gunfire Which indicated that Raymond Escobar's coup wasn't so completely successful as our friend Pancho had wanted us to believe After a while the automobile made a final turn and slowed down We bounced along a cobbled street for a short distance and then stopped You will get out please now look here friend you've gone far enough if you don't please no talking But if we can't talk how the same goes for you senorita. Oh, all right Pancho led the way through an unlighted doorway. We followed his two henchmen were directly behind us One of them produced a flashlight which revealed a flight of brickety stairs We all went up At the top was a small landing and a door Pancho opened the door we followed him inside Someone snapped a light switch There's a bare room Consisting of a table two chairs and a couch A naked electric light bulb hanging from the ceiling gave the place a dismal Unlived in look There was one window Very well senor and senorita you will wait here What for how long listen you don't seem to realize how you're sticking your chin out on this deal If you don't let me talk to the United State consulate Please senor May I suggest that you make yourself comfortable until I return I feel Carlos come Well senior Morgan we're in a fine mess Shut up relax climate post Locked that doesn't surprise me Chuck this window's got bars on the outside Yeah, well that isn't surprising either We wouldn't have been left alone if there was a chance of getting out of here Chuck why are we taking prisoners and why don't they let us see the American consulates and what are we going to do You asked those questions as though you expected me to come up with the answers Well you usually do have the answers This is a heck of a time to conk on me Come on hang on to that sense of humor glamour plus you may need it If that's a sense of humor showing through then I'm going to be grinning in my own funeral Oh say something nice to me Chuck I think I'm going to cry Now look glamour plus get this we're in a spot and you start making matters worse by boiling Uh-oh Well back so soon senior I promise you only a short wait remember You step this way please The room we followed puncture into was a duplicate of the one we'd left Only this one had more lights More furniture And more people The first person that caught my eye was a lovely raven haired girl She was sitting at a table Directly beneath the electric light bulb Beside her was a man I looked at the man and felt goose pimples breaking out all over Chuck Yes I see He looks exactly like you There is a slight resemblance Slight resemblance? Why he's a dead ringer Well as soon as you're senior Ah so you notice it too eh It is most un-canny no Yes I mean Chuck say something I think our host wants to talk about our glamour plus You are quite right senior Morgan First let me introduce myself I am Leopoldo Lelos Rios President of the Republic of Parana Lelos Rios But I thought You thought that my loyal follower Pancho was a member of the Ramonescovar forces Quite Only by posing as such was he able to enter the airfield and drive you away as his Guest Guest? Yeah that's a hot one All right Rios what's the rest of the story As you pointed out to my loyal supporter Pancho Your arrival here received more publicity than our What was your expression to beat the revolution Horny should have been the word There's a trouble with you North Americans You treat the revolution outside your own country so lightly That's You're amused Hundreds of people were killed and you are amused Oh no Mr. Rios we didn't think it was funny at all did we Chuck Keep quiet glamour plus All right senior are you right about me coming down here in the paper so what And saw your pictures All right okay so there were pictures Listen your Morgan this belligerent attitude will get you nowhere Put yourself in my position in the position of any Paranian That is talk of a revolution You plan to broadcast it over your radio or so it was some sort of cheap spectacle Thousands of people have been killed and you make sport of it All right you said hundreds before but never mind you've got a point I admit it I apologize Now where do we go from here For the moment senior you will go nowhere it is I who am going Well that's okay with us you go your way we'll go ours Unfortunately it will not be simple for you to go your way You see senior Morgan your thirst for publicity brought you much of it Your picture was published and republished And even I senior Morgan could not fail to know the strong resemblance between us All right okay so we're twins now what Now senior Morgan I will take your papers all of your credentials And escape from Parana What Yes senior Morgan it is an excellent plan I have well thought out And it shall be well executed You are out of your mind No no no far from it At the moment I am the deposed leader of my country The police and the military are systematically searching the city The time is short it is inevitable that they will find my hideout here And when they do? Ramon Escobar senior Morgan has issued a decree I am to be shot on sight Chuck do you realize what that means If he takes your papers and You keep quiet climbers Go ahead Rios I think you understand the situation senior Since you North Americans make so light of our small revolution Since you think it is so amusing to come down here And make a spectacle of what to us is a more serious affair You should have your chance to be a what is it to say a sport about the whole thing I think I get what you're driving us senior You're going to take my credentials and posing at me You're going to take the first plane out of here for safety Precisely You're going to leave me here and when Escobar's gang catches up with me I'm going to be executed in your stead Oh not necessarily You are I think a clever man senior Morgan Gracias Perhaps you can avoid capture until I return from Cuba Cuba? Yes I shall leave the plane in Cuba There I have many influential friends There I shall reorganize my armies And one day return to Parana to liberate my people from the tyrant Ramon Escobar One day returned And when will that one day be senior? Who knows A month, six months, a year And during that time I'm supposed to hang around here ducking the cops and the army Will stop at nothing to get a rope around my neck If you're still alive when I return senior You will be sent back to your country a free man Well that's mighty wide of you Chum But I have other ideas Ah so? Yes so Your flunkies have failed to frisky the one of us when they picked us up at the airport All right Did you ever see one of these before? Yes yes many times that is a Colts 45 automatic A very effective weapon Do you intend to shoot us all with this senior? Only if you're stupid enough to try to stop us from getting out of here Carol? Yes Chuck Go over and see where that door leads to Ah no one in this room will attempt to spoil your phone senior It is outside the room you will be stopped I'll take that chance It's open Chuck There's a hole outside and the stairs we came up Good Now stay where you are all of you One false move and you get it Get out in the hall glamour plus as soon as I close the door lock it All right I step quickly through the door bang the shut Carol turned the key We spun towards the stairs but we stopped Five men were gathered at the head of the stairwell Drop the guns they are We had our choice of shooting it out of being shot ourselves So I decided to shoot it out at the moment I couldn't think of any alternative Drop to the floor glamour Attempt to escape it failed completely The last thing I remember was dropping to the floor beside Carol Thinking what a crummy way this was to die Six thousand miles from home in a country about the size of Rhode Island And no forest lawn where a guy could get a decent funeral Then something hit me on the side of my head and it was curtains I woke up on the couch in the room where Carol and I had spent the first five minutes of our imprisonment But despite that throbbing ache in my head I thought I must surely be in heaven The standing over me was an angel I shut my eyes and opened them again She was still there She had raving black hair and eyes a color of midnight And the skin that would shame the petals of a rose The senor feels better Oh yeah, yeah, like a million dollars Drink these please What is it? It will stop the ache I took the staff and drank it What did I have to lose? It tasted like the devil That the ache had stopped in my head Then I discovered two things There was a bandage tied neatly around my head And the angel with the rose-petal skin Was a girl who had been sitting at the table beside Delos Rios Ah, so it's you You feel better, see? Yeah, yeah, thanks Where's Glamourpus? Glamourpus? Carol Curtis, a girl who's with me Oh, oh, she's quite safe I will take you to her in a moment Why not now? First, I have to make what in the United States I believe you call the proposition I hope you didn't mention to Glamourpus That you were going to say that to me Let me explain, please I am Conchita Cortes The sister-in-law of Leopoldo Delos Rios Baby, I wouldn't brag about it You must realize what a serious position you are in, Senor Morgan Unless you permit me to help you escape You will surely be captured and executed No, wait a minute Let's take this once-over-lightly chicken Did you say that you would help us to escape? I did What's a catch? The catch, as you call it, Senor, is that you take me with you What? I want to go to the United States I must go to the United States Oh, I see, and you figure this is your chance of getting out of the country It is more than that, Senor In North America is my fiance He waits for me there A whole year he waits We wish to get married Well, that figures Now, about this plan of escape I know the city well I have many friends and much jewelry to be used as gifts Well, I'm still in the position of having nothing to lose So, okay, Conchita, it's a deal This was beginning to seem like a bad nightmare The awakening from what was becoming increasingly uncertain Conchita snapped off the light and took hold of my hand You do not mind? No, not to the contrary Follow closely, please And do not make any sound We went through a door and into another darkened room Stopped a moment to listen Far off the machine gun began its angry chattering With a bell explosion sounding like a grenade And silence We moved across the floor And Conchita opened a second door Sudden light exploded out at us I heard the sound of quick footsteps And then Carol had her arms around my neck Chuck, oh Chuck Take it easy, glamour post, everything's going to be all right Oh Chuck, I was afraid Who's this? This sweetheart is Conchita Cortez, quite a kid Yes, yes I see she is You can drop the little boy's hand now darling He's not afraid anymore I am so sorry, I did not intend to I was not thinking Lots of girls stop thinking when Chuckie Boy turns on And then let's lay off glamour post, will you? Conchita's going to get us out of this mess She's also going back to the States with us Oh, she is? I do not want to appear rude, but there's so little time That machine gun fire I do not like It means there is still resistance All right Reddy, it's any time you are little one Let's go He stepped out into a cobbled alley Turned right and headed for the lighted street Near the mouth of the alley we stopped A man had suddenly appeared around the corner He was in uniform and carried a rifle He stood peering into the alley's gloom He started towards us and Conchita said Do not move Her heels clicked away on the cobblestone The soldier brought the gun down But Conchita spoke to him softly And he allowed her to approach They stood a minute talking Then we saw Conchita reach into her handbag Chuck Yeah You called her little one What? You called her little one back there in the room Called her? At a time like this you bring up a stupid Listen, I called her little one Because that's her name Conchita Means little one in Perinean Chuck, I'm sorry You better be Conchita returned And she led us back to the street The soldier had disappeared As a matter of fact there wasn't a soul in evidence anywhere We crossed two intersections Then made a right turn And the business district of Peola was before us Looking as much like Sixth and Olive In LA as Sixth and Olive looks like Sixth and Olive Only there weren't any people Or traffic I could feel Carol's hand begin trembling at mine She was getting that same sense of eeriness Suddenly Conchita stopped holding up her hand Listen Here's the patrol They're coming this way Quick Beyond that building is an alley And the alley is an automobile We must hurry We didn't have a chance The patrol came around the corner and saw us There was a shout of command The soldiers broke ranks and ran towards us Quick, into this building Inside both of them Let me bolt the door Around the ground floor of an office building There was a large plaque on the wall I glanced at it and then I did to take Look This is station PAR The radio station from which I was going to do that broadcast Chuck, if Pedro Falcon is here He'll help us Pedro Falcon was taken prisoner yesterday This station is now on the hill Please, all of you General Leopoldo de los Riosio The prisoner of Ramón Escobar President of the Republic of Parana You've heard the old American expression Out of the frying pan into the fire Now that was us The man with the gun Ordered us into a waiting room That had been converted into temporary headquarters For Ramón Escobar The general himself assured Swar the man with a waxed mustache Sat behind a table that was big enough For a director's meeting at the AT&T Inside of me, he leaped to his feet Rios So, you were unable to escape As you boasted, eh? Now take it easy, General I'm not Rios My name is Morgan I'm an American Oh, you are not Leopoldo de los Riosio Come, come, Leopoldo Do you take me for a fool? He is telling the truth, General Escobar This is not Leopoldo de los Riosio Oh, and I suppose you are not Conchita Cortez Leopoldo's sister-in-law Yes, that is true I am Conchita Cortez But you must believe me This man is Sr. Morgan A citizen of the United States And who is the lovely creature Standing beside him? I'm Carol Curtis And you can tell his monkey face To let go my arm Well, well, such a fiery spirit Corporal It was obvious We weren't getting anywhere with the General Whether or not he believed I was Leopoldo de los Riosio He didn't seem to bother much He had himself a couple of fine prisoners And he was delighted I was beginning to weigh my chances Of getting hold of the corporal's rifle When something happened Hi, Chuck Hello, Carol Happy, man Now I've seen everything How did you get here? Oh, Papi, I was never more glad to see Anyone in my life Oh, you could say you're Mansfield You know this Leopoldo de los Riosio? Leopoldo, my foot, that's Chuck Morgan He works for me The blonde girl is Carol Curtis His secretary Ah, this is de los Rios His face is very familiar to me Chuck's face is familiar to me Listen, General Does your friend de los Rios Have a Yankee accent Or hadn't you noticed it? This is something I had not thought of Well, you better think of it Beginning now Come on, you two We're getting out of here Okay, Papi Wait, the girl stays Which girl? Conchita Cortez She will remain as hostage De los Rios will not attempt to leave But on us, as long as he thinks She is in danger Not just a minute, General You're wrong again Conchita goes with us Oh, and why did you say this? Because I made a deal with her She agreed to help us escape If I promised to take her back To the United States with us Escape, but she did not succeed In helping you escape, sir That's not the point We made a deal She tried to keep her part of it I'm going to keep mine And if I do not permit You'll permit, General First, because it was Conchita Who contacted the American Council Which, in turn, contacted me And second, because if I'm not back At the Council in 15 minutes That broadcast I was telling you about Is going on the air There was short waves set up over there And the American people are just waiting To hear the details of this revolution of yours I see, I see And a lot is going to depend upon The nature of those details Your credit rating with the United States government for one thing I see Perhaps this would be important To the future of Parana, eh? Well, it seems likely You might as well count on Uncle Sam To get your country back onto its feet Everyone else does Yes, yes This is most important Most important indeed Very well it is a bargain You will make the broadcast And explain to the people of the United States That the government of Parana is now Good old Taffy And what a liar he was There wasn't any short waves Set up at the American Consulate But General Escobar didn't know that However, I did make a brief talk From station PAR Stating the facts of the revolution And refraining from any personal comment Then the four of us were given Safe escort to the airfield That big four-motored Braniff Airliner took off five minutes After he reached the field Pappy squeezed himself into a seat Beside the beautiful Conchita Pappy sure having himself a tire, isn't he? Look at that old boy He's getting a boot Out of being so close To South American beauty What does that mean? So were you So was I what? That was a boot Out of being so close To South American beauty Ah, now, Glamour Puss I found out something What? Conchita doesn't mean little one Oh? You just made that up Now look, Glamour Puss Under the circumstances And I found out something else too What? I found out what Teomucho means You found out what Teomucho What does it mean? Well Well? Say it in English Okay, Glamour Puss I love you very much Oh, Chuck