 And instead of looking like how religious Christians look like, oh, they're bad, they're sinning, they need to surrender. And those messages that are like, you need to stop sinning. And you know, instead of that, I saw people differently. I saw people like they just need their spiritual eyes opened up. They just need one encounter with the power of God. That's it. None of that condemnation, none of that judging. And that's Jesus' eyes. That's Jesus' heart. Amen. So my biggest passion and prayer from that day was, Lord, I want other people to encounter your power. And I knew how rare it was. I was an open Christian. I wasn't like a skeptical Christian. I was an open, childlike, heart Christian my whole life. And even then, it took me 25 years. I was 25 when I encountered the power of God. It took me 25 years to have my eyes open up and see that Jesus really moves in power today. So I knew there's so many people out there who haven't encountered this Jesus, a true Jesus. There's so many. The power of God is rare. And I did not know how directly God was going to answer my prayer, my prayer that other people could encounter the power of God. When I prayed that, it was not meaning God used me, put your power in me. But that was my prayer. And I was pursuing being a pop EDM Christian singer-songwriter at the time. I had been searching for so long. What is my calling? It was like the fifth thing I was trying from being a musical theater person on stage to event planning, to wedding planning, to acting, to finally, I thought I found my calling. I said, this is it. I'm called to be a Christian pop EDM singer-songwriter. I didn't know I could write music, but the melody and words just came easily. And I put out music videos and it just was put together so professionally and it just worked so well. I was like, finally, I found my calling. Everyone's telling me, you're going to make it. All my friends and family, so much encouragement, so much support, you're going to make it. I said, yes, I found my calling. And so I'm pursuing that. I put out two music videos already and singles and one day, nine months after I encountered the power of God, I attend a prophetic healing conference and I'm expectant, there's a prophet ministering and it was a prophet before where I first encountered the power of God, so I'm expectant. And I go there and the prophet prophesies to me, you're actually called to be an apostle of Jesus Christ and you're called to reach the nations. And upon hearing that, I was completely shocked, public speaking and preaching was my biggest fear and weakness. I had no desire to preach, no desire to minister. I would watch many sermons, many preachers and not one time was I like, maybe I could do that. Not one time. And public speaking was truly my biggest fear. Leading groups of people was my biggest fear and weakness as well. In college, we would have presentations. I would present in front of 10 people, something simple and I would go like brain dead. I felt so nervous more than anything to just speak in front of 10 people and I was never one to step up and lead a group project of even four people. I just sat back. So now God was calling me in my, literally my biggest weakness and you can look at me now and maybe think, is she telling the truth? You can ask my past friends. Really, Jesus has done a mighty work. Hallelujah. Because it really was my biggest fear and weakness. And so when I received that word, I was shocked. I was like, how can this be possible? And I was also like, what about music? Can you prophesy about my music? I mean, this was my dream. I was so excited about and I was believing in. You know how we think about our dream, right? I was picturing it. So I was like, man, what about music? What happened to that? I thought that for sure was my calling. But in that moment when I received that prophecy, God just reminded me of Moses and how God called Moses to be a prophet, a mouthpiece and a leader of millions of people and he says, I can't speak, I stutter. And God says, I will give you the words to speak. I made your mouth. I'll give you the words to speak and it's going to be God's power that works in him, not Moses's. It's going to be God's power giving him the ability so he can get the most glory. God reminded me of that in that moment and he just reminded me like, this is how I really work, Catherine. This is the Bible. You don't see this much today. But every story we read in the Bible, people feel not qualified. They feel like, how on earth can I do this? But God says, I choose you. Don't worry. I'm going to give you the ability. I'm going to give you the power and I'm going to get the glory through this. I get the glory when I use the weak and foolish things to confound the wise. So, you know, I had completely surrendered to God and met it with my heart nine months before that. And so when I, you know, God is so amazing. He prepares you to receive your calling. He prepares you for this. And I look back in my life and I see how before I had encountered the power of God, I was not ready to receive my calling. I needed to surrender to receive my calling. So that I see, I see how God, I knew God called me out to LA to pursue acting, but that wasn't the end goal. But that was God's beautiful way to get me out there. So lead me out there to position me to really meet him, encounter him, and then be able to surrender. So then he could release this prophecy to me and I could actually accept it. I was able to quickly and accept this prophecy, this calling from God quickly. That day I accepted it. I didn't take time to think on it. I knew God was speaking. I knew it was God speaking. And I meant that surrender nine months prior. I meant that with my heart. All I wanted was to obey God and be in his will. I wanted his plans not mine. I really meant it. And so even though I was kind of confused, I was shocked. I was like, how on earth will this happen? How will I be able to do this? Even though I was grieving already this music dream, because I knew I would have to put it aside. I obeyed. I accepted the call. I was able to accept the call because I had surrendered. When your heart is God, whatever your will is, I want it. You will be in God's will. And many of you may be wondering, am I really in God's will? What's my purpose? God is so amazing. He will never lead you astray. He knows exactly where you are right now. He knows exactly what he needs to do. Who he needs to send you. The doors he needs to open up. How to position you to get you where he wants you to be. All you need to do is surrender. Surrender and seek him. And really with your heart, God, I just want your will every day. I just want your will. I just want to touch your heart. And when that is your heart, you don't have to do anything else. God will do the rest. God will lead you perfectly, open doors, send people if he needs to, to prophesy, to speak a word, give you a dream, give you a vision. He will do the rest. Hallelujah. So I received the call and then I entered the most uncomfortable season of my life. Because it's comfortable. It was comfortable for me to sing. I felt I'm good at this. I'm good at this. Yeah, I feel comfortable here. But I really learned what Paul had said, how I boast in my weaknesses. God gets more of the glory. God can move more powerfully and be strengthened in me more when I am weak. God can be revealed more. And so now I was forced to rely on God like never before. God called me to start five-fold church, start a church on top of all this uncomfortable preaching that I felt so inadequate for. Now he's calling me to actually start a church. Remember, leading a group is my biggest fear and weakness as well. So now shortly after, he's calling me to start a church and I started out by going to the mountain top, a mountain top in LA, Mahalan Drive. And I went out there. I bought a piano, which we still use. A battery-operated piano I bought. And I didn't even have money. I was able to get a credit card at Guitar Center. And I bought the battery-operated piano and a battery-operated speaker and microphone and music stand. And I went out to the mountain and I led worship and I preached in both. And the first time I think there was one person that came, I would make announcements on Facebook groups, Christian Facebook groups about our worship nights and on the mountain and some people would come maybe like 10 tops but usually just two or three, a little handful. And, you know, when I went out there it was terrifying. It was terrifying. I was like, what on earth will I speak? Will people be touched? I battled these insecurities so much. Will people be blessed? I don't see myself as a preacher. I don't see myself as a minister. I don't see myself this way. But God called me. I had to push away all those lies of the enemy and just focus on this. God called me. God told me to do this. And God will be faithful. God will give me the words to speak. God will be with me. God will touch the people. And so I went up there trembling inside. People couldn't notice. But I spoke. God gave me the words. I was a baby. But still God gave me the words. Amen. And I remember the next week I was like, what will I preach on now? I preach all I know how to preach. What more can I preach? And I would go up there. I would be dreading it. But God would come through. And God would give me the words. And he would touch people. And this went on for week after week. This feeling of so uncomfortable. This feeling of what will I preach next? I constantly, honestly, for a long time, for years, I felt inadequate. I felt so insecure. I felt not good enough. I felt so insecure. I felt not good enough. Not good enough. I felt like not a good enough preacher for years. But feelings, many times, are not to truth. God's word is the truth. That is the truth. And so, you know, God taught me what true confidence is. Confidence isn't feeling confident. True confidence is pushing away the devil's lies. That are giving you these feelings that contradict what God has said. And choosing to believe God's word and obeying God's word. And stepping forward anyway, despite how you feel. That's true confidence. It's not your feelings. So many times, people don't step up because they think these feelings are truth. So I think I'm not confident. The devil's a liar. And whatever you're called to do, the devil will send those lies that you're not good enough. Because he's terrified of the calling on your life. He's terrified of what you will do for God. So you got to be aware. You got to be aware of the devil's schemes. So, for then God called me to go into a church building. We had for about almost four years there would be between three people that would be in church to around 15 or so. Usually more like 10 or 12. Every Sunday. And honestly, probably up until about a year ago or so. Those feelings have not been good enough. Those feelings that I'm not a good enough preacher that people won't be touched remained. Every Sunday. I would dread every Saturday because I had to prepare what I was going to speak on. And I was like, oh boy, here come Sunday, the most uncomfortable day for me. Right? But God would be faithful. Every single week he would give me words to speak. He would come through. And he would touch people. And Jean-Tal, Jean-Tal hears on the camera. She's amazing. She's truly like how David had Jonathan. It was a spiritual friendship. It was not like a physical. It was this supernatural love. And it was this... They both... Their biggest love was to obey God and please him. And God put them together with this united vision. And Jonathan could see David's call, believed David's call for his life. God's call on David's life. And recognize that he was called to support support him and do the work of God together. Amen. And so God gave me Jean-Tal. Is this amazing? Like Jonathan. And so she's been here in the ministry since almost the beginning. Almost the beginning, the first year she came. And she's just been the most amazing blessing. And every Sunday I would feel these inadequate feelings, these insecurities. And there's just like 15 people and you know when there's just a small group of people you're not seeing a lot of like, yeah, amen, right? It's just kind of quiet. You know, blank faces, right? It's just the nature of it when it's a small group of people, right? And so the whole time I'm preaching I would just be like, I'm feeling these hearing these lies. You're not good enough. You're not good enough. You're not a good enough preacher. And I would just push through and keep preaching the word of God with passion. And I would just focus on these are God's people that need to hear this word and God's going to speak through me and they need to hear this word. And this is truth. I'm not preaching just a preach. Amen. If God would give me words, I would compare myself before to other preachers. But God would speak to me, just be yourself. You know, speak from your heart, speak what I've taught you. Don't try to be like somebody else. Don't try to, you know, be entertaining. Don't try to be funny if that's not you. Don't try to make these big, you know, metaphors, right? Alliterations, right? I would look at all these preaching styles. I would look at all just be you and just speak from your heart. And so I would just, what I would preach was just my heart. Not me trying to preach a good sermon. And that's what Apostle Paul says. I come to you not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the power of God. Your faith would not rest on my fancy words, my fancy preaching, my good sermon. How much I can tell you how good, how real God is by my words. Your faith wouldn't rest on those words. Oh, that was a good word, you know. But your faith would rest on the power of God. So when we don't try to be impressive, be fancy, look cool, right? But when we speak from the heart, what God's really spoke to us, taught us, don't try to make it extra and fancy, but just speak the simple truth that God's given us. The simple revelation. Simple. Then God's power can move through you. Then you can receive this anointing and upon your words, they're simple. But now anointing is touching people because your words carry power. Apostle Paul's words carried power that was touching people and they were being transformed. They were leaving transformed. I remember I went to so many Sunday services my whole entire life. I hardly ever missed a Sunday. And I wouldn't leave changed. Most every time I had to remind myself, oh yes, God loves me. And I wasn't moving beyond that. It's like I had to hear that milk word again. Like I didn't believe God loves me for years. And I wasn't changing. I wasn't growing because there wasn't anointing where I was going. But it's supposed to be as ministers we carry the power of God not just releasing the miracles but the words. The words release now carry anointing and it's feeding your spirit man. Your spirit man is being fed, is coming alive more now. Is being transformed. So even when you go to the word of God you're getting new revelation you never did before because your spirit man has grown. You leave here, you leave the church where you received anointing, the anointed word and you're more spiritual. You're more spiritual just from receiving that anointing. Just from your spirit man being fed. So you're desiring to go to the word of God. You're desiring to spend time with God. It's not supposed to be so hard to be more like Jesus to transform more into his image. The anointing his anointing is, yokes light it says. So when there's the anointing there's this ease. As long as you're seeking God and surrendering there's this ease. It's not such a struggle. There's no more yokes waiting you down and your spirit man is being fed and coming alive. So I would preach week after week I would hear all these insecurities I during the whole service, service would end there's only like 15 people in the service pretty much every week and do you know like hardly anyone would tell me afterwards like that blessed me like thank you for the word that like I was touched by the word. But Jean-Tau would almost almost every pretty much every single week. It was only one person and God used her to strengthen me so much. Never underestimate the power of encouraging your brothers and sisters. You don't know how much they need to hear that simple word. She had no clue and she was just speaking from the heart she was just like that was awesome I was blessed you know and it was literally God moving through her and distinguishing all those lies of the enemy amen. So for years for years it was just hearing one person say I'm blessed and dealing with those lies every time. Then about three years ago God called me to and I don't know is that the time where 10 minutes left? I didn't look. 15 minutes left. Okay cool. About three years ago God spoke to me the way that these prophecies will come to pass and revival is going to break out and more people will receive through your ministry and miracles will happen you need to make one minute videos and put them on all social media platforms and people are going to be touched by these videos and you need to keep doing this you need to keep making these videos be diligent, don't stop keep doing it until you see the walls of Jericho coming down you need to go around the walls again and again and again and again until those walls come down and so I taught myself how to edit I didn't know how to edit and I would spend so many hours every day sometimes 13 hour days editing these videos and they got hardly any views for years for years I had just like 1000 followers on Instagram and on YouTube there would be like 7 views and I would deal with those enemies lies of see you're not a good enough preacher see people aren't being touched by your videos what you're doing isn't working it's been 3 years what you're doing isn't working I would hear those lies again and again but I kept believing the word of God that was spoken over my life I kept reminding myself of that word believing that what God had said would come to pass and the way it would come to pass is if I would just be obedient it was up to me now to walk around those walls of Jericho every day for years and you know when they were walking around the walls of Jericho you know what it seemed foolish you know this is how they were going to inherit the promised land this is how they were going to defeat these huge armies that were bigger and more powerful than them that was what God said he says the army that's bigger than you is going to be defeated when you just walk around a bunch of times and then my power will come through it'll be my power that defeats the enemies but you got to do this and it makes no sense in the carnal mind to walk around a wall and make music and noise think about it it would make more sense to train yourself how to shoot arrows better to defeat the armies inside or lift weights or something that seems like a better use of your time but how is walking around a wall making noise going to make you to defeat this huge army it doesn't make sense in the physical realm and you know what else there was not progress it appeared in the physical realm in the physical realm they did not see bricks coming off the wall upon each time around the wall some bricks are falling down this time this is working this is working what we're doing it was blind faith it was this makes no sense in the physical realm I'm just obeying God and I believe that as I obey him he's going to come through in his power and do the impossible amen and so that's what it was like in my life I wasn't seeing progress I wasn't seeing more views each day I wasn't seeing more views each year in the church it would decrease people would come and people would go I thought in my mind what God called me to I don't know how this is going to happen but I believe it's going to happen and you know what I think there's probably going to be progress each year I think maybe there will be 10 people in the church this year maybe there will be 15 at least next year maybe 20 maybe the next year there can be at least 30 maybe I wasn't even thinking big yet there was no progress there was no progress in the physical realm it would literally decrease there would literally be I remember in the first year there was like 20 people and then people would leave and I went through a spiritual warfare like I never had in my entire life because I was now walking in anointing you know David Joseph as soon as both of them it was revealed they were anointed the calling of God upon their life was spoken and revealed to them and released publicly and they're walking in it that is when they encountered crazy supernatural warfare like never before that is when the devil sees uh oh I'm terrified of the calling on their life even though it's just day one and they're not doing anything powerful yet the devil knows the spiritual realm he knows he knows better than most of us most people are more in the carnal way we don't see how powerful we are through Christ we don't see our potential where God has really taken us if we'll just obey but the devil sees and so when he sees someone's heart that has a usable heart that God can trust anointing with the devil can see when you have an obedience surrendered heart so the devil could see Joseph and David he could see where they were going so he came at them both of them in crazy crazy evil ways I mean the spiritual warfare they faced was so much more intense than other people who weren't anointed right? or who didn't have big callings on their lives right? I mean Joseph his brothers put him in a pit to die that's you don't hear that on the news today I mean that's real evil that's really the devil trying so hard because he's terrified of the anointing he ends up in a prison and he was innocent later on he ends up in a prison David he's nothing but a blessing to Saul he's literally his anointing is making demons to flee and relieving Saul he's making Saul's army to prosper his kingdom to prosper he's nothing but a blessing to Saul but Saul is full of jealousy and now is trying to kill him the extreme of kill him sending all of his huge armies to try to kill David you don't hear about that on the news that's some intense supernatural evil very kind of evil warfare coming his way it's intense it's not natural this is supernatural kind of attacks right? you see? before David and Joseph were doing anything big anything big just from the beginning they were getting this crazy warfare and it looked like they were going backwards in the physical realm look at Joseph he gets this dream and he's thinking okay I can't wait until the dream is going to come to pass I'm going to go forward make progress next thing you know he's in a pit away from the promise right? it looks like he's going backwards in the physical realm later on he's a slave looks like he's going backwards then he's in the prison looks like he's going backwards not closer to the promise in the physical realm but in the spiritual realm oh he was getting closer and closer each day he was getting closer and closer each day why? because to carry anointing to walk in this big call you need to be refined by the fire you have to go through that process you have to allow the testing to occur Jesus as soon as he was about to go into ministry first he had to go in the wilderness led by the Holy Spirit to be tempted by the devil this is how it works devil is so angry wants to stop you God will allow the attacks seeing what you can handle knowing what you can handle he will allow it to be this refining fire testing amen God never forsook Joseph or David God was with them everywhere God knew they're getting closer because their heart is being transformed more into the image of God their faith was growing through all of those trials the only way their faith could grow is for it to be tested is to go through those trials and so I mean the bigger the calling on your life the bigger the refining fire the bigger the process it might not necessarily be the longer the process but if it's going to be a shorter process it's going to be very intense very intense and so that is what I experienced that is what I experienced when I stepped into this anointing I started seeing this the Bible come alive like Joseph like David I mean jealousy seeing jealousy like I never saw in my life before seeing the devil use people coming at me with hatred like I never experienced in my life before seeing betrayal seeing lies made up about me seeing gossip, rumors being made and spread and people believing lies about me like never before in my life but I kept reminding myself of the word of God I kept reminding myself of Joseph and David and I said I see what's going on wow the devil is terrified of the calling on my life this is what's necessary I have to go through this battle just like David did just like Joseph all I care about is pleasing you God all I care about is being in your will and I know that to get where you call me to be I have to go through this I had to lead Jesus through the wilderness I know I have to do this so I would go through and I would remind myself I'm pleasing God right now this is not easy this is difficult I did not expect this but I'm in God's will I'm pleasing him this is where he's leading me so he can refine my heart God do whatever you need to do you call me to something big God do whatever you need to do to transform my heart to make me a usable vessel of you that can walk in anointing amen I see the times up I don't know how strict the time is we can just continue where we left off though who should I ask about this is it you hi I see the times up should I just pause for now I can continue for a moment would you say would you say oh praise God praise God hallelujah we can continue with the rest of my testimony in the next session amen I just want to end with man I never faced spiritual warfare like that in my life but what kept me strong was renewing my mind with the word of God with the prophecy over my life and with the written word of God and seeing man I never saw this kind of warfare in my life before so wow this is what's going on I'm encouraged that the devil's trying this hard I'm encouraged amen and it made me closer to God than ever because I had to lean on him like never before I needed his comfort and and it's like I would feel alone like only he knew what I was going through and as a leader I couldn't you know God didn't call me to vent and to complain and you know he called me to be a leader to be strong and so I started entering this place of growing closer to God more than ever before where it's like only you know God what I'm going through and I would hear God say to me I'm proud of you I'm proud of you for standing strong I'm proud of you for going through this and I didn't hear an audible voice honestly when I say I heard God telling me this it was it was simply renewing my mind with what he's spoken to me and his heart you know I knew this is his heart he's proud of me for obeying him he sees what I'm going through it says David was a man after God's own heart because he just wanted to please God he was willing to go through the battles just to be in God's will just to please him and so I knew that was my God so I knew he was saying you're a woman after my own heart right now thank you for pleasing me thank you for obeying me thank you for going through this I would remind myself this is what God's speaking and through these hard times I experienced God than ever before and so this refining fire yes it's uncomfortable it's shocking like you start seeing how evil the devil is and you're like wow the devil can really work through people like this you know like making up lies like I never experienced people make up lies about me before like weird stuff like that you know so it's heartbreaking it's beautiful you know every season with God is beautiful the valleys and the mountains are beautiful because true life is intimacy with Jesus that's what brings the most peace, joy and contentment is intimacy is touching your father's heart is pleasing him that's it so it doesn't matter on the mountain or the valley if I'm pleasing God I'm happy amen God taught me true contentment through all through all that hard season I never was without peace I never was without peace or contentment and God taught me what Paul spoke I learned how to be content no matter the circumstances I've learned I learned through this God taught me this is how you be content remind yourself all that matters is pleasing God that's it I just want to be in God's will so if it's God's will for me to be in this place right now that's uncomfortable I'm content because that's my biggest desire in this whole world amen hallelujah this has been amazing we can wrap right now for this session and I'm so looking forward to the next one hallelujah amen so right now it is 10.11 am with 44 seconds and so what we're going to do we're going to take a 15 minute break I want to encourage you bathrooms are out this door to my left your right and then just be back by let's say 10.30