 Under 21 convention in Orlando, Florida, this speaker guy is a 21 convention alumni from Melbourne, Australia in 2012. It was one of the first times I got to meet him, a very special guy. He brings a whole different model method and equate you to bettering oneself. A lot of times I'm starting out with Dady Anthony, the best total man. He lives in Singapore. He's a former professor, who I'm talking about is Dr. David Tien. Thank you. All right. It is my honor and privilege to be speaking here at the 21 convention. I flew in from Singapore through Bangkok and then LA. It was in LA for a week and a half and I often come to America just once a year or twice a year and otherwise most of my work is centered around Asia as far as the clients I have. And I've been doing this for over 10 years. And every time I come back to the U.S., it's a really good reminder of where people's heads are at. So I was kind of conflicted last night about what to do with the talk because I had prepared a very scientific talk and it was to blast through your neediness. So just to put it out there, who would love to have and enjoy a relationship that grows over time, that lasts and it feels like you're in love and that you can maintain that forever. Is that something you'd be interested in doing? Yeah. All right. Cool. That was sort of a no-brainer. Thank you for loving me to set that up. So I was excited to do that and I was going to give lots of science behind it. But then I got to know where the American mindset was at in terms of dating and it had changed a lot since I was, every year it changes and now it's really changed. So I think what I'll do is I'm going to rip off some things. I'm going to try to hit the science and we'll see how it goes. The tricky part will be maintaining the time. All right, see that. So who's in a relationship in this room? Just to show our hands, who's in a relationship? Cool. It's like a quarter of you. Okay. Who would like to be in a relationship? Who would like to be in a relationship? Okay. About half of you. Okay. Great. So this is going to be very pertinent to you, whether you're in a relationship or whether you aren't and love to be single because at the end of this, good feelings, that's the end goal of all of these things you're pursuing. And one of the, well, probably the best way, I shouldn't say probably, the best way to achieve happiness and feel fulfillment and have those good feelings is what many of us, well, I would say venture out to say all of us at one point believed in love, that if we fell in love with this person who was worthy of our love, and if we just had that, then we'd be happy. And if you can remember back to the first time you ever fell in love, that was the sort of idealistic naive view of how the world was. And if you're at this point watching this video or in this room, you probably have grown out of that and to a certain degree have gone Machiavellian. In other words, you've started to understand that there's a game playing involved with this. There are tactics, there are strategies, there are techniques, there are tools, there's shit to say that can get you those good feelings. And it's a good thing. I mean, it's a process that we all need to go through to get rid of the naive idealistic view of love. But part of our innocence was lost, the innocence of believing in love. And I'm going to actually be talking about love today, of all things. But first, let me just get checked in with you. Have you ever opened yourself up to feeling loved and then been dumped? Or have you ever had the relationship just fall apart? I think most of us have. And have you ever been dumped in a situation where you gave everything to her? You did everything you thought you were supposed to do. You just gave, you gave everything. In fact, maybe you even said that sentence or that phrase. I gave her everything. And yet, she still wanted to go out and have fun and meet other guys. Or it just didn't work out because you guys were going in different directions and she wanted, she wanted something that you didn't want. If you've ever been in that situation, you probably didn't know how to fix it. You just went and got more, did more cold approaches, got more one night stands, more hookups, more lays or something like that. And the PUA industry tells you to go fuck 10 more girls, right? So you think, okay, that's what I got to do. And one of the, one of the big disasters in the past 10 years, actually, I would say 15 years of men's dating advice is the fact that, well, it's a good thing that there is men's dating advice, first of all. So that's a good thing. But in the past 10 to 15, maybe 20 years, one of the things that, one of the very important things that have been lost is the goodness. Because what we did was we took these good guys, you, at some point, unless you're a psychopath. But at some point, you believed in goodness and love and giving everything to somebody. And then you got hurt. So you pull back, you say, fuck this shit, I need to get laid. Right? That's what you did, right? So then you went on the internet, how do I get laid? And you found me if I was one of these other guys here and you, and then you learned, okay, I got to say this line, this routine, I got to learn this and that and this and that and these techniques, I got to cram them all in my memory and then I got to practice a thousand times. And then at the end of that, it spits, this machine of PUAdom spits you out. And now you are a narcissist, like actually clinically speaking. You think so much about yourself. How do other people view me? How is my social proof? What's my value? And I can only know my value by looking at how other people value me. And you're lost, but you don't know that yet. Some of you don't know that yet. And I found that in Asia, they went through a different phase, because when they read the book The Game in 2004 or 2005, when it came out, they thought it was a fiction. Right? It's like, they didn't think it was real. They're like, nah, this is a great story. So they didn't believe it. So they didn't buy into it. And so I get fresh, almost blank slate clients, which is wonderful. I don't have to take the years of undoing all of the shit that had the detritus that had accumulated. And that was totally off the cuff and not in my nose at all. Because what we really wanted was happiness, fulfillment and love, but we didn't think we knew how to get it. So we said, fuck the happiness and fulfillment and love. Let me just get pleasure in sex. And I went through this phase, a quick story over 10 years ago. I was coming out of a divorce. I was separated from my wife. I got into the marriage not knowing anything about women, not even knowing anything about psychology. I was studying for my philosophy PhD. It was in philosophical psychology in the context of Asian studies. So talk about not having anything to talk about with other people. Let alone women, no other person could relate to me except for the five people in my program. So yeah, so that sucked. But I got lucky because I was in these Christian circles and Christians in the circles I was in were very forgiving and loving and so on. So they're good with nerds, right? So you have a lot of grace. And so I married this woman, and then we fell apart because partly because I didn't know anything about psychology, I didn't respect it. And eventually separated. I didn't know what to do. I was lonely and alone, and I was traveling every semester between China and the US and Canada. And I was born in Taiwan, raised in America, then in Canada, went back to the US to do my PhD at Michigan. Most Americans are like, why would you go to Michigan to study Chinese philosophy? But it's one of the best programs at the time. And anyway, make a long story short, I got lucky because one of the guys in my class was Christian Hudson. This is over almost 12 years ago. In fact, I was just hanging out with him two days ago. And he told me about what he does for a living. He's running the socialman.com now. And he opened my eyes to the fact that you could learn how to get better with women. So I went down that rabbit hole and just like I was just saying, out I got spat out by the PUA machine. And I hooked up with hundreds of women. I had lots of stories about hanging out with gangsters in China. All kinds of things. Lots of great adventures. And after two or three years of immense pleasure, I suppose you could say, it was sort of like a starving child being shown a buffet of Krispy Kreme donuts. I just went insane. Then I'm like, okay, I had my fill of Krispy Kreme donuts. Now what? So I thought, okay, I'll just settle down with one of the girls I'm seeing. And because the original problem was never fixed, nothing fucking mattered. It didn't matter that I could open and approach and open and get attraction, get to the clothes that you guys are into. And then, yeah, I can get that. But I didn't understand that the psychology of my fundamental neediness had not been addressed. So I went on another journey to figure this out. And my case wasn't even the most extreme. I've since helped thousands of clients around the world to discover happiness and fulfillment in life. And part of what they come to me for is what they want is how to talk to women, how to engage women, how to approach them, how to get them attracted. But what they really need is a deeper understanding of themselves and their psychology. So I'm going to be giving just one aspect of that today. This is a condensation of a four-hour seminar, a four-hour talk I usually give. So I'm excited, but I'm also challenged. I'm going to be very aware of the time. And this four-hour talk is part of a larger 18-hour event that I do that's just, that's called rock-solid relationships and it's awesome. It's not available to any of you right now, unless you come out to Singapore. But at some point, when it's ready, we'll film it and put it out there as an online course. So many of my clients for the first five, six years of my coaching career were living the PUA dream. They were the models and bottles, if they wanted the elite, many of them did, but then also the travel and hooking up with girls and all of that. And it was an interesting journey to see what had happened because I'd get this really, like a mild mannered, super nice guy who just had no balls basically. Like he has no aggression, no sexual, like he had a lot of sexual shame, but he's a super nice, well-meaning guy. And I take him, show him all of these things, teach him all of these things, and then he'd go out and start hooking up with a lot of girls. But then when he gets into a relationship, he could stay in for one, two, three years, but it would start to falter. And I had a lot of clients who were getting married, having kids, and that was part of the motivation for me, resigning from the university. I was a professor at what is now ranked as the number one research university in Asia. So I was a professor there, but it was much more rewarding for me to get the wedding invitations and to see the photos from the hospital of their new baby with the woman that he met through the skills and the personality chains that he got through ORA, our company, rather than taking another 20 kids through Buddhist epistemology. So that was one of the motivations for me doing this, but then I'd see that a high percentage of, you know, 50% or more were then having trouble maintaining passion. It wasn't the connection. It wasn't them being loving towards each other. It was the passion. Because over time, what happens in a relationship is the man and the woman, they start to become more similar to each other, especially when you get married. You're going to spend, you're going to sleep with this person. You're going to use the first person you see in the morning, last person you see at night, and the person that probably the first person you think of when you make major life decisions, this is your peer group. And it's natural that the people that you spend the most time with will shape who you become. So the one person in your life who will shape you the most when you look back on your deathbed is your wife. It's kind of a crazy idea for guys under 21 to think that. But what will happen is the woman will depolarize the man and he'll become best friends if they weren't already. So basically they'll have a great time chilling with Netflix. But the passion that was there on the first date, that nervousness where she put some extra work in the makeup and dressed up for it, and you thought ahead about how you were going to plan the date, and you were nervous, that little, you know, that excitement, that goes away. The passion goes. And this is what this talk is about. So I needed to crack that nut. Is that an idiom that people use in America? Crack that nut? And it's been an incredible journey. And I'm still on this journey to figure out this aspect of male-female interaction and relationships. This is a very key component. I'm pointing at two couples here that were deeply in love, right, when they were together. I mean, like, Angelita Jolie and, what's his name again? Billy Bob Thornton. Thank you. They had lockets of blood. They were each other's blood in their, you know, in their necklace there. And then she has, on her side there, on her shoulder, Billy Bob tattoo. And there's all these photos. Like, when I went on Google image search to find they were so in love. Same here, right? Brad and Jennifer Aniston. And now we know the story. Those two in the middle are together, right? And they're, the other two are, well, I think they're happily hooked up with other people. So they have new couples. And no one enters a relationship thinking, this would be a five-year contract. But we're freelancers. We'll enter a contract for this limited time. Everyone goes into it thinking, this is forever. So even these people, even the people that we look up to in America, especially with celebrities, they haven't figured that out. And you might think you figured it out, just like I might think I figured it out, but we need to say epistemically humble, that we don't know for certain. What I can show you is years and years and years of research through history and perspectives that will hopefully get into your minds and help you to succeed in this area. So over the past, so I've been doing this for over 10 years. And the past several years, the focus has been on helping guys get to that passion. So it's been pretty amazing, actually, the change now in my clients between where they were just getting excited, the fact that they were married. It was almost like, David, I engaged you, your services, in order to get laid, that's how they found me. But then you told me, it's more than getting laid, do you want to have happiness? And so I got that and now I'm married and yes, it's done. It's the one and I've found that I'm done now, I can rest. Or I'll have the baby and now I've got to deal with the baby. But a lot of guys think I'm going to figure out women. And then once I have, I can rest and then focus on my career or focus on making money. And they put that women and dating and their relationship on hold on the shelf, thinking that it will just maintain. So they're coming to me thinking, okay, I only need to watch your videos and courses and take that for a short period of time and then I'm done. And that's why they failed. I mean, the fact that they thought that it ended there, that's just the first inning. So as long as we respect that, then we can understand that this is for life. Okay, so now that I get that perspective in them, because it took me several years to realize that that was what they were doing. Now I was able to just hammer that in at the very beginning. This isn't a one and done thing. You don't just learn it once and forget it. Like you said it and forget it. This is something you need to train for life, your own psychology. You might have it. You might be in that sweet spot for a day, a year. But 10 years from now, how are you going to be? 20, 30, 50, further down. What's it going to be like? So one of the most common problems is the White Knight syndrome. I'm going to be getting to that later. In fact, I've decided I'll move that to later. Actually, yeah, let's just skip ahead. Let's go ahead. So the old POA world was to think of it as, the old way was to think of it in terms of, I'm going to learn lots of techniques and lines in outer game and inner game and just game. Okay, I'm going to learn game. And then I'm going to settle down with a good girl, with the hottest girl I can find. That's what I keep hearing. But let's say you're a little wiser and you're not just going to get the hottest one. But like in terms of the best, I'm going to get the best. It's like I'm Harvard University, I'm going to find the best candidate for my wife. So you can take this objective measure. I know that's what most people are doing. Attractiveness, rate her one to 10, the highest one. Attractiveness, intelligence, career, check, check, check, check, check. That's the one I want. And you go out looking for the candidate. And then you marry her, thinking I found the best candidate because my criteria are those things that I think were important, looks, intelligence, humor, things like that. Okay. And that's the old world way of doing it. But I'll tell you, I'll tell you something. None of that matters as far as what she's like until you're right. So the new way is to think about it from the end. Begin with the end in mind. So there's some engineering fails where they did not do that. And this is the analogy. This is what I think like several years into this journey of picking up chicks and pursuing pleasure. I found that that was, that's how life had happened. We just sort of fell into it. And then we were wondering, well, why aren't we happy? We've hooked up with all these girls and have all this flash that everyone likes. And yet there's something that's missing. And then we go and get into relationships. And then it's just still, we don't know what it is, what that is. So one thing I noticed recently, like literally last week, is that there is a lot of crap on the internet that gets a lot of top line numbers like views. And in Asia, guys have an insulation around it because there's a cultural gap and then there's time zones and all this. So they, so we see it, it's there, but there's a very high bullshit skepticism meter around what basically is flash. And one of the dangers is there is a deep POA hypocrisy happening. And it's, it's like this, it's like, hey, be your best self, become the best version of yourself. Don't become outcome dependent. Be your own person in order to get girls, right? This is what basically do all of this great stuff, work on yourself, self-awareness, all of the self-acceptance, build your self-esteem in order to get girls. How do you know your, your have to self-esteem? How do you know you're independent? How do you know you're right? Because when I walk up to a girl, she likes me. You know a way to fuck up any POA who thinks, so here's the deal, right? If you think, if your identity is centered around how good you are with women, in other words, if a guy came up to you, if you, if you thought to yourself, I suck with girls and that actually made you feel bad. If your identity is wrapped up in how good girls, how good you are with girls, you are fucked. It's just a matter of time. Right now you're sort of like an alcoholic drinking up, right? And while he's in the middle of the binge, he's having a great time. And I've been looking at it like, all right man, there's nothing I can say to you right now, just enjoy it. The next morning is going to feel like shit. And it's just a matter of time until the next morning they wake up and then they Google me. Hey man, I'll see you there. This has happened over and over and over in Asia. They come to find me after they wake up. It might take years. Here's a way to fuck up a POA. Hire 10 models. Fuck. Hire 20. They're cheap. Hire some hot ass models. Send them to the club that the POA is at. Then tell them to reject them hard. No, no, make it even better. Put out a little hook, bait, make them feel good. And then reject them hard. 10 times in a row. Throw another 20 just for fun. And then I'll show up at the end. Man, dude, what's up, man? How you doing? POAs who are on the fucking internet saying, I'm the best because I can get bitches. I'm the best because this line works. I'm the best because girls love me. They are setting themselves up for the worst failure. And I'll see them at the end or maybe not. Maybe they will implode like so many have already. And what's happening is I thought that was obvious by now. But production value matters a lot. Entertainment. And then you get hooked in with these vacuous one-liner bullshit. Hypocrisy. That's the real danger. That wasn't planned. That was from me thinking over last week. And I just want to point out some things. That's part of this slide. That's all in this slide. This slide was supposed to take two seconds. Hopefully you can use that clip in a mini clip version thing. But be aware of that POA hypocrisy. The way I see it now, it's almost like, you know, when you're in the club and there used to be this thing called Flash Game? Because back then we didn't have cameras in our phone. That's how much of a veteran I was. I used to carry a Sony camera in my pocket before phones had cameras. And so to get attention, everyone looking at you, you can use the flash. Like literally Flash Game. You use the flash of your camera, you get a bunch of hot girls and flash, then everyone looks around. Boom. And then now looking back with maturity, I think you guys are all like, not the people doing it because they're obviously a short-term thinking. But everyone who looks and then says, wow, lack of respect. I mean, come on, right? But in a certain way, in a way, that's how I feel. That's how it feels to me. When I see people who are impressed by the shit that's on YouTube, they don't see the behind the scenes. They just see the flash. Just putting it out there. Because maybe right by this video, there are more videos down there with Flash Game. Hypocrisy. The overview real quick here. The modern dilemma of love, or the singularity of love. I'm going to be covering what the science tells us, the historical context. I'm going to go real quick through those two. Then I'll be getting into the roots of our neediness. Very important. I skipped the part of just prepping that, but the fundamental neediness is the deep problem. Then I'll look at the extremes because the margins are the most instructive most of the time. And then looking deeply at the modern reality. And then I'll propose a radical solution what the science tells us. I'm going to put all three of these bullet points first. It's pretty straightforward. In my talk, the four-hour talk, I had to go a lot more detail on these three points, but I'm just going to do them in like two seconds. Evolutionary psychology, that's what a lot of you already know, hopefully by this point. And the problem with evolutionary psychology is that a lot of the work in terms of mating was done through old-fashioned social psychology methodologies. So this was mostly surveys. And sometimes they had more sophisticated surveys, but they were still surveys, sort of like the old Kinsey Institute kind of way of doing it in the 1950s. You just ask, so do you like this guy or this guy? Then just based on that, we then conclude what girls like. If you've had any experience with game, you know that most people, let alone just, you know, women in clubs, don't really know what they're interested in. So we can theoretically say one thing, but our heart and the other parts of us respond to other things. And then that's when we have about 10 years ago, starting around 10 years ago, but now just starting really recently to gain popularity, or popular is the wrong word, but to gain viewership or awareness is neuropsychology, a combination of neuroscience and psychology, and then more specifically the sexology research. One of the top places you can look this up, Queen's University, Canada. Well, Canada. We got some Canadians here, right? Yes. The researcher started in the US, got banned, got kicked out. It was too radical, went up to Canada, where we accept all people. And is the head of sexology research there at Queen's. And why is this important? Well, actually it'll be quite obvious. So the rest of the talk will be the practical implications and applications of the research after I start describing the research. All right, this is just to get your attention so you're awake. I googled wanting their cake and eating it too. So the modern dilemma of love is, so this is like sexy cake, I think is what I typed in. This is Singapore, by the way, 50th anniversary of Singapore. I'm sure they will not appreciate that, but there it is. Somebody made a cake. So the modern dilemma of love is that especially women, because attractive women, they come to this very late in their lives relative to their previous generations. Because now there's just so much more in the world that's being thrown at them that they can stay in that bubble of validation for much longer. So now we have Instagram and Snapchat, where they can post sexy photos of themselves, get lots of likes and little hearts, you know, and they feel really good about that. And before that, there was just straight up the club and still is. A pretty girl can walk into a club, get in for free, get into the top table, a table that somebody plumped down $30,000 for, and she can waltz in. And if you like her, she can even get free drinks. That's how skewed things are for a 21-year-old hot girl. Whereas a 21-year-old boy, man, has to pay at every step. And sometimes he won't even get the chance to pay. So women, they have this delayed maturation phase because it's a modern society and how much they value physical beauty. So women especially want their cake and eat it too. They want to have fun and pleasure and sex and all that dirty naughty stuff. And then they want the tender, loving, committed, monogamous exclusivity of the feeling of being in love, falling in love. They want to have all of it. So do we. But whatever stage you're in, you've given up on it to some degree because it's a fairy tale. But it's a fairy tale in a way that's different from how I think most people think of it as a fairy tale. I'm going to be unpacking how it is actually. But first of all, most people want their cake and eat it too. And if you've ever experienced in a relationship what it's like to go from passion, the honeymoon phase of six months to a year, you know, butterflies in the stomach and it's all fresh and new and exciting, into a settled relationship, which could happen anywhere from six months to a year to two to three years in, where things start to get stale and it's a routine. And if she's a young woman, it's going to be hard for her to resist the pull of validation that society now gives to young women. And to a certain degree was before, but now with the internet and the liberal values now with now Kim Kardashian go naked on the cover, you know, like 1950s it was scandalous that Elvis Presley was shaking his hips. Okay, so I hope you understand, like that wasn't that long ago. That was your parents. Well, your grandparents time, your uncle, your old uncle. So this is the problem. This is the problem. The transition from passionate to companion interaction. So this is a figure taken from a book. It's an excellent book called the happiness hypothesis by Jonathan height. And it charts out roughly like if this is a timeline of 60 years, passion is really high. So intensity is on the y axis there. Intensity is really high at the beginning. And then it just drops off and then tanks, right, companion interaction builds over time. Now most people don't make it out of this phase. So at the three year anyway from 18, well, it could be six months, you know, six months to five years is this transition. And if you hold on to I want my cake and eat it too, you're just going to give up. I see many hot people like attractive people for women. Well, attracted both ways. Like it's just hard when you have so many other options and choices and society empowers you to make those choices. But it's hard to settle down and make it work to make that transition of going from here to there. That's the failure point. And here's one of the reasons why there's a failure point. Global life expectancy. This chart goes to like 10,000 BCE. And pretty much right up until the Industrial Revolution. In fact, there don't be a slight blip starting from the end of World War II. So pretty much all the way up to the end of World War II. Life expectancy was between 20 to 30 years. Not lifespan. Like if you were perfectly healthy and no one tried to kill you, you could live to 60, 70, theoretically. But expectancy was between 20 to 30. And this is sort of so you can see how long this is flatlining. Now if you understand anything about evolution, you know that we're not evolved to live this long. We're not adapted to imagine a creature that was adapted to maximize utility at 60 years old. That creature would never get a chance. You know, it'd get ripped off in the first 30 and then die. So we are the product, our bodies, our brains are the product of a creature, a species that was adapted and optimized for 30 years, 25 years. Hence, take a look. Where is the breaking point? You know, if this is 60 years, you don't need to have a 60 year relationship. Don't worry about it. You're going to die. So just have the passion, pop out some babies and then die. It's a great life. That's what we're adapted for. But we're living. Fuck. Now we're old. We could have three marriages in the average lifespan now. There's a lot of talk in tech that how quickly, not just information has exponentially expanded, but lifespan. We could live until 120. So actually some of you here in the early 20s, you might not even die for, you know, you could live to 120-150. We're not adapted for that. We're adapted for relatively short relationships because we're going to die. Oops, wrong button. We're going to die. So what do we make of this? Well, we still have history. We believe in, this is from Romeo and Juliet. This is the version that I watch when I was in school. Okay, you probably may be seeing the Leonardo DiCaprio version. This is the old version. Just to point out how old I am, I'm almost 40. Are you seeing that too? So there's a myth and I found this great quote and I'm just going to read it because it encapsulates this myth so well and it's short. And it comes from the happiness hypothesis again. I recommend you get that book. The troubadours did give us a particular myth of true love. The idea that real love burns brightly and passionately and then it just keeps on burning until death and then it just keeps on burning after death as the lovers are reunited in heaven. This myth seems to have grown and diffused in modern times and do a set of interrelated ideas about love and marriage. As I see it, the modern myth of true love involves these beliefs. True love is passionate love that never fades. If you are in true love, you should marry that person. If love ends, you should leave that person because it was not true love in the first place. And if you can find the right person, you will have true love forever. You might not believe this myth yourself, particularly if you are older than 30. But many young people are raised on it and it acts as an ideal that they unconsciously carry with them even if they scoff at it. But, Jonathan Hite says, Professor at NYU, if true love is defined as eternal passion, it is biologically impossible. Historical context now just as to fill out the picture. Arranged marriage just came up under arranged marriage. We had this idea, or some came from the past when our life expectancy was 25, 30 years old, that if we just found true love, everything would be great. In history, marriage was not about love. Marriage was about alliances between families. That's the whole problem with Romeo and Juliet, if you recall. The problem was they were in love, those stupid kids. Marriage isn't about love. You can have your love affair, but then you've got to get married to this other person that we arranged with the other family. That's so this relatively recent thing that marriage would be about love at all. But then it was about this ideal of love, this true love that I just quoted. And throughout history it was more like this, which was arranged marriages. And in fact, the research shows that arranged marriages actually can lead to greater happiness, or same or greater happiness over time. Not just in India where you don't have a choice. Well, now you do, but though in many places you still don't. But even in the studies of Indian Americans, so Indians in America who had arranged marriages, a 2012 Cal State study showed that over time, tracking them over time longitudinally, they had the same level of reported happiness as any other marriage arrangement couple in America. When I taught this originally it was in China, it was in Chinese context, so in China people just didn't get married. People didn't get married for love. Your ancestors didn't. But now we go for it. And then, so POAs just step beyond that, right? We go for it, we got hurt, got burned, and then we got bitter and said fuck that, I'm going to learn how to pick up chicks. But we still had that. And part of the reason we messed up was because we had this myth of true love. So there are many kinds of love, just to point out there are three loves in Greek philosophy, eros, filia agape. So when people say love, especially when I talk to women about this, the debate gets very heated, but they don't realize that they're using love in a very historically contextualized way. In addition to the three loves of Greek philosophy, the Chinese, sorry, the Christian theology comes in and adds Storge, and then there's all kinds of taxonomies of love. I'm going to skip those. The important point is to notice in the great traditions of thought in history, love was primarily an action. It wasn't just a feeling. The feeling was concomitant to the action. In other words, it followed the action. So in other words, when Jesus or some great religious figure says, love your neighbor as yourself, he doesn't mean like, oh my neighbor. Okay, he doesn't mean that. It's not like, hey, it's not like, hey, make sure you get a good telescope. He's saying despite the feelings, whatever feelings you have, do loving acts towards that person. In other words, give them money, make sure they're taken care of. Do things. It's an action. But what we're reacting against and what many young people in the world still believe is this idea of it's all feelings, feelings all the way down. And I'd only do the action if the feeling is there. And so because they are cut off from actions, using actions to generate feeling, they're not in control of their feelings. They're not in control of love. And because they're not in control of love, they're not in control of their relationships. And this comes from a myth of love. True love is an action, not just a raw feeling. This little asshole is so fucking neat. I love googling these images. How did we get to that point where we thought, this is, why does that appeal to us so much? That idea of true love? Because it does. It has a very strong pull on us. We know this so much that we can just see how Hollywood makes money off us in putting this myth in front of us. It still does. Despite what we, you can be realistic and all that, but there's a part of you that still says yes. And that's there. And that's an important part of love. It started with, we have this neediness that's fundamental. So I call it fundamental neediness. It comes from the fact that we were babies. So the science has shown, the bigger your brain, the more intelligent the animal, the bigger its brain, the bigger the brain, the longer its dependency period as a child. We have the longest dependency period out of any animal in the world. We're the smartest with the biggest brains. During that dependency period, we are literally needy. So if we don't even get, if we don't get physical contact, we will die. This is very well documented. So if a baby is in an incubator, it needs to get picked up and touched, or it will just give up on life. Not consciously, it just dies. That's us. That was you at some point in your life. And this fundamental neediness is still there, but you learn to cope with it when it was taken away. So in other words, when you were a baby, all you had to do was cry, and the mother who's full of oxytocin and dopamine, you know, from being a mother, all the hormones in there will love you. It doesn't matter how ugly you are, it doesn't matter if you shit on the adult, you know, or you burp. You know, the mother will pick you up, the adult will pick you up, especially the mother, and cuddle to you and give you love. Right? If you try that now, shitting on people probably won't make them love you very much. And that transition into when our needs were met, just when we just, I wanted my needs met, and they were met to, oh, shit. You know, like when a baby fake cries and then parents are like, leave him alone, he's just fake crying. Right? He's fake crying because he's like testing. I don't get it. How come they're not here anymore? What do I have to do to get love? And what I call the twin terrors, or actually the fundamental fear, let's just go there, the fundamental fear is that we're not good enough to be loved. And that runs through everything we do. And I see it in every fucking, what do I call it, hypocrisy, PUA video. The fear that I'm not good enough, the fear that I'm not good enough to be loved, so I have to say I'm really good with women so that I'm worthy. When did that happen? Well, when you're a baby, you grew too big, and then the mother didn't want to just come any time you were crying. So you had to develop these coping mechanisms. And the most common coping strategies among my clients over the past, you know, over 10 years is to be an achiever or to be a pleaser. All right. And then there's also, there are others, to be the rebel, to be the joke, or there are others. But those are the two most common patterns, to be an achiever and a pleaser, because what that means is I'm going to get really great grades, and then my parents will love me. They'll hug me, they'll pat me, they'll give me attention. Or I'll please mom and dad, and then they'll love me, to be an achiever and a pleaser. And what happens, how that cash is, that gets cashed out in a relationship is you end up becoming a fixer or the white knight or the savior. You come in there trying to fix her or fix the relationship, and you do more, you do more, you do more. Thinking if I just do more, it'll happen. The thing that's been so elusive to me since I was a child will finally come into my heart. And that's why we have fundamental neediness. Now here's what I keep coming back to, it's not in the slides, but the POA stuff. Here's how the POA stuff will fuck you up. The POA stuff doesn't let you deal with your fundamental neediness. What it says instead is, if you achieve enough with women, then you will be good enough. So your neediness is situational, it's contextual. You get rid of your situational neediness. As long as everything's going great, you're not needy no more. As long as that girl likes me, and that girl likes me, and that girl likes me, as long as I have abundance, I'm not needy. Do you see how that actually just papers over the fundamental problem? You still don't love yourself. So now you're just getting validation from all kinds of sources, and as long as you keep those sources going like juggling balls, you're good. And if you take those balls away, if you cut the balls off, you're still left with your fundamental problem as a child. That you are waiting for other sources, other people to tell you you're good enough. The POA is waiting for the girl to tell him he's good enough. I hear this all the time, because in some of the videos I hear guys saying, mouthing the right things, don't become outcome dependent, believe in yourself, but then the messaging is, buy my shit, because then you will feel good about yourself, because then you will get girls. Okay, so we still haven't dealt with the neediness problem. Neediness is natural. Very few grow out of it naturally. And now I'm going to destroy it for you. This is step one of your therapy. Step one of your therapy. What you're needy towards is a mother figure to come and say, everything's okay. You might not understand why this is so. And when I first heard about the Madonna Hor complex and sort of pseudo Freudian, Jungian, well just clinical psychology at all, I said, fuck that. I'm a scientist. I'm a philosopher. I deal with hard science, evidence-proof logic. So let me do this quickly, as quickly as I can. What happens is puberty hits, and then it's all about mama. So normally I would be quoting from large swaths of this book. In Asia it's great because I can do my really horrible southern accent. I'm not going to do it here. So I'm just going to summarize the story. Who's seen this book? Oh wow. All right. Awesome. So Iceberg Slim. He started off as the penniless Robert Beck with his mother. And they met a man who we can now characterize looking back as an upstanding beta male. And just a side note, I think it's perfectly awesome to be an upstanding beta male. The fact that you feel like you need to be an alpha is a fucked up part of your society. There's nothing wrong with being a really good human being. So there's this really good human being who comes into their lives and takes them out of poverty and sets them up so that all their material needs are met. And he loves the Beck's mother, Slim's mother. And Iceberg Slim says, this is the only man I ever truly loved, the only father I ever had. And he was really good to Iceberg Slim. Unfortunately, after giving the mother everything she wanted, this guy's name is Henry Upshaw. She cheated on him. And she said, I want to set up the salon. He bought her a salon. He was a businessman, which was very rare back then as a black businessman in that part of the world, a part of America. But he set her up with her shop. And then that's how she met a pimp. So she met a pimp. The pimp convinced, or she cheated on Henry Upshaw, the upstanding beta male with this pimp. And that was one of the first incidences where Iceberg Slim saw his mother as less than perfect. And I'm going to quote this very short passage. He says, even I, a 10-year-old, however, knew that this huge, ugly black man who had rescued Mama and me from actual starvation back in Indianapolis, he loved us with all of his great sensitive heart. I loved Henry with all my heart. He was the only father I'd ever really known. He could have saved himself an early death from a broken heart. If instead of falling so madly in love with Mama, he had run as fast as he could away from her. Yes, poor Henry's fears had foundation. Mama had never loved Henry. This kind, wonderful man had only been a tool of convenience for her. One scene in my life I can never forget. And that was that morning when Mama had finished packing our clothes and Henry had lost his inner fight for his pride and dignity. He fell down on his knees, embalmed it like a scalded child, pleading with Mama not to leave him, begging her to stay. He welded his arms around her legs, his voice hoarse and anguished as he whimpered his love for us. I will never forget her face as cold as an executioner's, which she was as she kicked and struggled loose from him. Then with an awful grin on her face she lied and said, Henry, honey, I just want to get away for a while. Darling, we'll be back. As the cab drove away to the, drove us away to the secret rendezvous with Steve, the pimp, sitting in his old Model T. I look back at Henry on the porch, his chest heaving as tears rolled down his face. Then the story continues. The pimp in Iceberg and his mom go back to where his biological father is. And the pimp convinces Beck's mom, Slim's mom, to set him up to be Rob. So she gets back together with the biological dad, makes him think everything's great. Then one night they go in and rob him when he's not there. And then when he, when they get found out, well, then when the father comes back, he's like, what happened to all my stuff? Of course, Slim's mom cries hysterically and puts on this act. And then this, so I'm going to quote from here, another awakening for young Iceberg Slim. I know my lousy old man deserved what happened to his goods. You know, he was, he was bad before, then he made good. I know mama got her revenge and it was sweet, I'm sure. But it was bitter for a kid like me to know that mama was part of it. Perhaps if mama had kept that burglary cross a secret for me, in some tiny way, I might have been stronger to fight off that pimp and disease. I don't know. But somehow after that cross, mama just didn't seem like the same honest, sweet mama that I'd prayed in the church with back in Indianapolis. Late in his life, long after pimping, Iceberg Slim gave this interview. And the interviewer asked, do pimps hate their whores? He said, well, not necessarily consciously. The best pimps that I've known, that is the career pimps, the ones who could do 20, maybe 30 years as a pimp, were utterly ruthless and brutal without compassion. They certainly had a basic hatred for women. My theory is, and I can't prove it, if we're to use the criteria of utter ruthlessness as a guide, my theory is that all of them hated their mothers. Perhaps more accurately, I would say that they've never known love and affection, maternal love and affection. I've known several dozen, in fact, that were dumped into the trash bins when they were what, only four or five days old. The interviewer asked, you say you loved your mother in your book. He replied, of course, but underneath the threshold of consciousness, I know that I must have hated her as demonstrated by my neglect of her through the years. To people like Iceberg Slim, women were demystified to them at an early age, which made them fall out of love with this ideal. So they never put the pussy on the pedestal, so to speak. Now, probably it's not you, or you wouldn't be in this room. And what happens then is, because we didn't have that experience, or those who did, they end up either genetically becoming this way, or they discover it early in their life to become the dark triad. So hopefully you know about the dark triad by now. One of the researchers we collaborate with in Singapore is one of the foremost researchers in the dark triad. And they are narcissism, Machiavellianism psychopathy. In case you don't know what these are, narcissism is grandiosity, pride, egotism, and a lack of empathy. Machiavellianism is manipulation and exploitation of others, it's game playing. Psychopathy is enduring anti-social behavior. It's probably the most scary out of these three. And it is callous, remorseless lack of empathy, genetically a lack of empathy, naturally. Now, I guess it's pretty strong to say that we end up becoming this way. But what happens is, when you start the PUA journey, you ask yourself a lot of questions that are narcissistic questions. Narcissism is an egotism, by the way, it's not egotistical. Let's just be clear about that. Narcissism means that you think too much about yourself. Not that you're better than others, but that you actually just, you think about yourself a lot. So how do other people perceive me? What should I wear so that people will like me? What should I say so that people will like me? Me, me, me, me. It's always a perception about yourself. How do I get social proof? How do I get people to think that I'm the best? Those are all ways that will lead you to narcissism. And of course, there's, as a caveat, be aware of the female dark triad. You get the energy that you put out. So when you start to become more of a dark triad, you become more narcissistic, you play games, you come back with a lot of cocky fun, you do a lot of push-pull, and it's not natural, but you're actually doing it on purpose. You're going to be drawing women into your life who do that as well. And then you'll start to get this bitterness, and I'm going to get into that. What happens is you become like this. Did you see that there is 100% of men in this picture? Don't notice that King Kong is in this picture. It's you, right? Where's King Kong? I didn't notice. So what happens is you weren't iceberg slim, I'm assuming. And instead, you were a good kid. In fact, you probably had a nice mother. A lot of my clients did. I did. A good mother. A mother that you could not imagine even having sex or even naked, let alone getting come in her face or getting up to ass or just having a great sex time. You can't imagine. That's like, oh, you kidding me? That's disgusting. And yet I know if I looked in your browser history, I know you like some nasty shit. So that's why you fucked up. So let's just deal with that. So what happens is the former mama's boy, late in life, he turns into a ladies man. Like if he actually, if he's one of those 5% of guys who start the journey and actually succeed, okay, he'll actually become a ladies man. And what happens is once he gets some power over that dynamic, attraction dynamic, he'll get hurt because he's going to be drawing into his life, female dark triads, the equivalent of him, low self-esteem women as well, so they're going to come into his life and then he'll find out they're fucking sluts and hoses and all this and he'll judge them because he still has his value system from mama. Right? So he's like, how come you're not like mama? So then he'll just be doing lots of nasty sex, but part of his mind is still like, but if she were pure, she wouldn't want this. Okay, so this is what is happening in almost every man. And then he finds out, holy shit, they're all like that. They like sex. And it's like a little boy finding out there's no Santa Claus, except he finds out at 30 years old instead of 10 or eight. And he feels so pissed off because he's like, I was cheated out of 22 years. It was just a scam. They all lied to me. So maybe don't give a shit about Santa Claus, so it's hard for you to imagine. But what he does is he gets a chip on his shoulder because he feels like he's been cheated and betrayed by something. This is the universe. Because he's like, this is what you see in the red pill manospheres shit, right? They're like, what happens is they have Madonna whore, but then they're like, holy shit, they're all whores. Let's hate these whores, but we'll fuck them. So they can learn the game to fuck them, but then they're hating them while they're doing it. And then they hate themselves for the fact that they're doing this. I have a lot more empathy with them, actually, because it's all coming from pain and a fear, but deeper deep pain. So what happens is the difference between the guy who figures it out early on, like Iceberg, I had that slide earlier, and the late bloomer is that the natural, the guy who figured it out early, has had more time to process this. He's come to terms with the fact that there is a sexual nature in women. And if he goes too far with it, he's going to hate them because the women that he attracts into his life are all versions have different degrees of dark triad traits. So then it'll self-perpetuate, but he's under no illusions. The late bloomer is just coming out of this illusion. So he's bitter, and he wants to get revenge on the lost years of his life. And this feeds his self-righteous sense of betrayal even more, and then he starts to learn game even more, and goes out and attracts into his life more female dark triads, more of the same energy he's putting out. But here is what I want to present to the, because I get a lot of nice guys as clients, a lot of nice guys. Like I said, starting out, they were really innocent, naive, well-meaning, they just were lonely. They didn't want to have to fuck 10 girls, they just wanted to, they didn't even want the model. They just wanted a pretty girl with a good heart. And then we told them, here, read this e-book, read this book, and go do a thousand approaches. And then he spits, he comes out of a club gear and all, it's like, what happened to you? And he's still empty inside. And here's the message instead. Instead of hating them and calling them whores as if it were a bad thing, let's understand what's actually going on. So we start with the science. Meredith, I'm gonna have to go through this real quick. Yes. Okay, Meredith Shivers. The Plasma Graph in the fMRI, this is the Plasma Graph, it's used to measure blood flow. They use it in the vagina to measure whether a woman is aroused. So who's heard of Meredith Shivers and her research? Oh, damn, okay, I should have spent more time on this. Everybody needs to read Meredith Shivers' research. So what they did was they gave eight different conditions for women to figure out what they were turned on by. So they inserted this into the vagina and it could measure whether she was aroused. And it's the same technology we have on our Apple Watches, so to figure out what your heart rate is. It just shoots a certain kind of light and you figure out where the blood, how the blood is flowing. Here are the eight conditions. Monkeys mating, heterosexual sex, female-female sex, male-male sex, a man masturbating, a woman masturbating, a chiseled man walking on the beach, a well-toned woman doing calisthenics on the beach. In all eight conditions, women were aroused, even watching monkeys go at it. Men were only aroused under two conditions, heterosexual men were only aroused under two conditions, female-female-male-female. However, so that's surprising in and of itself, right? In addition, they were given a keypad and were asked to indicate whether they were aroused. Women didn't even know whether they were aroused, that they were aroused. So they were giving the socially accepted answers on the keypad, but down there was different story. Okay, so that's step one. And usually in the talk, I would then just play this video, notebooks, like, what do you want? What do you want? Anyway. So girls, women don't even know what they want. I'm going to just throw the science at you very fast. This guy has now gotten into trouble with the law, but before this was a great example. Women love porn. Go look up James Dean and go through all of the other legal stuff, but then go through what happened with his fans. In a study at Ohio State University, Terry Fisher study, they found that female masturbation and porn use was identical in females in males, but only under one condition. So the first they started off saying, it's an open questionnaire, and you know the confederate, you know the person questioning you. Women were like, no, we never use porn, we never masturbate. The second condition was that it was under a confidentiality agreement, right? So they were all sworn to secrecy. More women said, yeah, use porn, that's right. But then it was under a polygraph. They thought they were getting a lie detector test, and then guess what? There were more women that used porn and masturbated than men. So now they're like, oh, shit, I have to tell the truth. Wallam and Rupp had done a study that showed that women, using the neuroscientific instruments, showed that women were as aroused in viewing porn as men. So the old evolutionary psychology thing of saying women are not aroused by visual stimuli, that's bullshit. They're aroused by visual stimuli, just all kinds of it, and different kinds of it. You might have heard of the study that used, that asked women, would you hook up with this guy? Damn it. Would you hook up with this guy? Okay. Oh, actually it worked. James Dean. Would you hook up with this celebrity? Oh, that's why I was on an action. And the original study said, no, women were not turned on by physically attractive men. Okay. So the University of Michigan redid this study, a follow-up study. And they found that women were equally agreeable, actually, if you changed the guy that you used in the test. So if you asked them, would you hook up with Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt, they were as willing to just do a one night stand right then and right there as the men were to say yes to Angelina Jolie or Christie Brinkley. Yeah, let's do it. Women. Casual sex. Yeah, let's do it. As long as nobody finds out, right? They were equally disagreeable to having sex with Donald Trump. That was the actual one that was used. And men were disagreeable to having sex with Roseanne Barr. Okay, so those are. Shivers also, using the plasma graph, showed women a photo of an erect penis, a slack penis, a demure vulva, and a spread legs vulva. They were aroused on all foreign conditions. They were most aroused by the erect penis. Please, though, do not send penis pics to girls. Okay, that's not a good strategy. But just straight up visual stimuli, the test showed arousal. Here's one that's very interesting and it proves the friend zone. The friend zone. Here's the friend zone couch. So men are the shivers. Again, using a plasma graph, a keypad. This time, instead of visual, she used audio fantasies. Okay, audio fantasies. The only difference in the script in the audio fantasies was a female stranger. So she used female stranger, a female friend, a male stranger, and a male friend, and then a longtime lover. And a stranger you just met, right? A stranger. Here's what happened. Female strangers were twice as arousing as the female friend's fantasy. Male strangers were eight times more arousing than the long time friends. So you're fucked if you're in the friend zone, in other words, right? Eight times more. She'd rather hook up with you if she didn't just met you. And here's the scariest part. When they swapped out a stranger versus longtime lover, it was almost equal. In fact, the stranger was a little bit more arousing. This means that no matter, you could be married for 40 years. None of that matters because you could just introduce to her a hot guy in an alleyway. She could be just as aroused. What does this say? What happened to they can only be aroused with emotional connection? Or that was the old story. That was the old science. Sex with strangers. Part of the reason why audio fantasies were so powerful is the power of language and words and female arousal. Fifty Shades of Grey, Harlequin Romances, $1.5 billion a year industry. A study at University of North Texas, Bavona Cratelli, showed that 30 to 60 percent of women admit to having rape fantasies. The authors argue that the actual numbers are probably higher. And there are various theories for why this is so. Let me put this out there on the video. Arousal is not consent because we fantasize about all kinds of things that we don't want to have happen actually in real life. But the fact that they're aroused by it is a lesson. And now we have this baby. There is a condition that's been in the DSM, like the handbook for psychiatrists for over 30 years. This disorder has been in there. It was under a different name, Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder. Now it's called an easier term, FSAD, Female Sexual Arousal Disorder. It recognizes a distinct sexual function disorder. There is a drug now, FDA approved. Finally, when I first gave this talk, I had a different picture because it wasn't approved. Now it's approved. There it is. A woman who's not aroused, you can just take this drug. The side effect is you'll go unconscious. This is very interesting. Okay, the ingredient is phlebancerin. This drug is called adi. I'm not sure exactly how to pronounce it. Anyway, I'm going to skip the chemistry on why this works. But you could take this drug and you get aroused again. It's basically regulating dopamine and serotonin to get you aroused and aggressive. She's going to jump you. That's the idea. Marta Mianna at UNLV, one of the foremost researchers in HSDD or FSAD now, has done a ton of group and individual therapy before the FDA approvals came out. And she found that the greatest factor for whether a woman suffers from this is relationship duration. Okay, the greatest correlating factor. How long she's been in a relationship with you? And she said in interviews that the easiest, that the most effective solution is to introduce novelty. That's science speak for let her fuck another guy. Then suddenly she's like, yes, I love sex again. I hope this is making you a little bit worried. I don't know if you're, maybe you are, maybe you aren't. There is a very well known theory in couples counseling and clinical psychology, the one up versus one down dynamic. And this is something that clinical psychologists, most of them say you just can't escape. Somebody's always up or somebody's always down or you have equilibrium, but at some point it's going to go out of whack. And it's a matter of making a social contract with your partner when it goes out of whack to bring it back into whack. And that's how most people just cope with the relationship. They settle for trying to just make that seesaw balanced. Doesn't sound like a very exciting or passionate relationship, does it? No wonder women are like, let's just go the fuck some new people, right? Instead of taking drugs that might make me unconscious. But here's what we really want. Oh, you can't see the wording. Maybe I'll give you the slides. It starts off with when you're young, you want to do everything together. When you're older, you want to go everywhere together. When you've been everywhere and done everything, all that really matters is that you're together. You can share this on Facebook, girls will like it. So this is what everyone's after. They want the unicorn. They want the long term passion walking off into the sunset as an old couple, still passionately in love. How do we do this when there's like hundreds of thousands of women lining up on the waiting list to test out F-sad drugs? How? Here is a solution and I want to build it up in the two seconds I have left. Here's the solution. And if I'm right, give me billions of dollars, because this is the actual solution. In fact, if you had freedom, but you had no love, your life would suck. This is what it's really about. This is what the end game. The radical solution, and I'm out of time. I think I've got it. The radical solution. It's the three Ps. Passion comes from polarization in your presence. I'll have to unpack that the next 21 convention talk, or in the new program coming out. But let me put it this way. You guys understand about how polarization happens. When you're starting out, if you're very masculine, you'll attract a very feminine woman into your life. But through the rule of five, or you might have heard it differently, who you spend time with is who you become, or Dan Penny has a great one. Show me your friends. I'll show you your future. Tony Robbins is the best one. I think your life is a direct reflection of the expectations of your peer group. What will happen is over time, you'll naturally become more like her. You'll naturally become more like you. You will naturally depolarize. The problem is, how do you resist depolarization and actually become even more masculine while being in that relationship and letting her be feminine without losing the passion? Because the passion comes from polarization. The excitement, the tension, the electricity comes. The chemistry comes from the polarization. She will only feel the polarization, or if you're in a relationship and you're trying to figure out how do I do this, the first step and the only step really is presence. So Nick was talking about that earlier. I love that. Presence is, I used to think it was like stage presence, like how you look and the feel people got. I don't mean presence that way. I mean presence when you're in a relationship and you're in a relationship and you're in a relationship and you feel people got, I don't mean presence that way. I mean presence when you're with somebody and you're 100% feeling them, thinking them. What are they thinking? What are they feeling? And you're fully in them. You're not having other thoughts. Your mind's not wandering. What am I going to say next? What do I think about what she's saying? You're not thinking that. You're just feeling her, empathizing fully with her. A lot of times when you're in a relationship, you take it for granted and you stop giving her your presence. Without presence, there can be no polarization. You can work out as much as you want. You can do as many squats as you want, but when you're with her, if you don't have presence with her, she won't feel it. So to recap, I talked briefly about neediness in the White Night Syndrome, the Fixer mentality. I then went into the modern conditions and how this doesn't allow us to have the fairy tale ideal of romantic love, which was a fairy tale anyway. And then I went briefly into the Madonna whore complex, bringing up icebergs. So the message there, just so I'm clear, either way, you're fucked. You either had a slutty mother and you became good with women, but you had a horrible life. Or you had a great mother and you were bad with women. Okay, so either way, you're fucked. So no matter what, you're going to need this video. Okay, then I talked about the dark triad men, dark triad women. Women like sex as much or more than men. Okay, that's just, you have to take one take away from the second half of the talk. That's the one. And you need to embrace it. They're like you. They're horny like you. So insofar as you judge yourself, you can embrace that part of women because they also want to love. They also want to feel love. But yeah, they're dirty. They're naughty. They like to get spanked. They like to have it rough sometimes. So you need to learn the dominant part. And these are unconscious drives. We went into the plasma graph and the keypad and all that confounding. And then I talked about F-sad, novelty and depolarization over time. And it presented a radical solution based on a polarized presence. So I have some troubleshooting. I'm going to skip that. But let me leave you with polarized presence and embrace the sexual natures of women. The reality of women is they're like you. That's what the neo-psychology is teaching. They're like you. They like sex. And they will, you've got to be careful though. If you do too much PUA stuff, you become too much of a dark triad as second nature because it wasn't the way you were before. You became that. You're going to be putting out energy that draws into your life other emotional vampire predators. And that is just a great recipe for a total disaster in your life. Avoid that. Delete that out of your life. Look for real meaning and purpose in your life. And embrace the sexual natures of women. I'll leave you with that. Oh, join the private Facebook group. Find me in there. I'll be in there. Google man up. Or I might have a link underneath. But thank you very much for listening and for going all the way in the talk. Thank you very much. Oh, sure. Yeah, I have a I have a separate two hour court. Okay, so it's how do you avoid the dark triad? If you need to learn what the symptoms are, how to spot it. So you can actually, there's a lot of resources on it on the internet. You can start with Wikipedia if you have to. But here, Robert here has a psychopathy checklist. That's a good place to start. It's a 20 point 21 point checklist, giving you how actually how they diagnose it. That'll get you to start. Here's the thing on psychopaths, very interesting, right? Like, they estimate that 1% of the population is psychopathic. And in Wall Street, so those who work as bankers, they did a separate test on them. 10% of them tested positive for like high psychopathy. I would estimate for my 10 years in the clubs and stuff, 20% of regulars at night clubs are high on the psychopathic continuum, or 20, one out of five. I'm no joke. Because that's their environment. They rock it there. It's all rewarding psychopaths. So just be very aware of that. But anyway, the internet has a lot of, and there are a lot of books on that. But I'll be including that in some courses in the future, because it's so important. Thank you for the question. Yeah. There are many ways to answer this. The easy answer is it's a lot like learning any other complicated skill. So when you started driving, you probably were really freaked out and you had to small chunk it, right? But then as you're driving now, you start to, you can like text and like horrible stuff, because you go into autopilot, because you've learned all those skills, right? Just like it'll get better with practice, and you get better as you get older. But even more importantly, a deeper answer is if you truly love this person, or care about this person, you won't be thinking about yourself. That's the narcissism that's coming in. What do they think about me? But if you were like, if you were with a little girl, and she's hurt, and she's crying, you don't think, okay, what should I, what does she think of me? No, she's crying. She fell down. You don't know what happened. So you're like, what's the matter, honey? And you want to get in there to get her to open up to tell you what happened? That's real care. When you're with that girl, be vulnerable, be open, and get, you can be the nerdiest guy. A quick story, I think whenever I tell this anecdote, the needy guys go like, wow, you can be a needy guy, and you can start being a needy guy and attract women. Here's an example. I used to do mission trips, and I did this mission trip, and I was with these Christians, and this one Christian guy was super nerdy. But he was intensely interested in other people. Like he cared a lot. So when he talked to a girl, there were some cute girls in the group, and he talked to them. They came over to talk to, tell me later that he is so intense, because when he asked, there's usually like the cool guys in the group that play guitar, like, hey, yeah, what up, the jokers? That was having a good time. But this guy, when he asked you, how are you? How are you feeling? How are you doing? He's like, waiting for your fucking answer. And he feels, he's like, and then when you say, oh, my dad was okay, she's not that great. She's like, oh, why, what happened? Like, he really cares. And she's like, holy shit, I can't just be flaky or superficial with him. He really cares. And they love that. There is a presence there. So you don't have to have game. You don't have to, like, look great to give her your presence. That comes from care. Yeah. Oh, wait, wait, sharing her sexuality and talking about it over dinner is a different thing. So even in those tests that I was giving you, right, women wouldn't tell the tester, experiment her, that they were turned on by porn. Until you hook them up to a lie detector, they weren't going to do it. Because society fucking hates, society's still slut shames. So there's no fucking way. Don't talk about it if she doesn't want to. Just lead her with your energy and your body. You don't have to, like, talk about all the dirty nasty shit she's into. Why, what's the point of talking about it if she doesn't want to go there? Just when you lead her into bed, be very attentive to what she likes, what she's responding to, and realize that most women like a dominant man. You don't need to talk about it. Yes. Yeah, that's a big money question, isn't it? So there's so many, so this will be another two hour, actually it's an 18 hour course I do. You know, masculinity, mastery. I'm still learning. I'm still learning myself. I don't think this journey ever ends. So I'll just give you a presence. And then there's a lot of testosterone increasing, like just straight up science, you want to increase your testosterone so that it's there. You need that baseline. So there are a lot of other experts in the world if you just Google them on how to increase your testosterone through natural means. And so I do not recommend guys under 40 or under 35, I don't recommend that you go through artificial means to increase your testosterone. So just through natural means. And then when you're with her, focus on your presence, being present with her, focus on her. One, actually, so just put it out there because I just watched one of Steve's videos. One of the things that have crushed a lot of guys' testosterone and presence is porn. So cut that out. You want to, you know, don't be dependent on porn, right? So cut the porn. I wasn't watching Steve on porn. I was just like, let me make that clear, right? It was a video where he's talking about porn. Thank you very much.