 The magical thing about having finite time on earth is that we get to exist at the same time as the people we love Whether they're friends family or someone really special who you love romantically But sometimes these people aren't in our lives for very long People move they pass away or maybe a relationship ends suddenly But sometimes the end comes much slower As you mature and grow you don't even realize that it's leading to the end of the relationship One day you might think about the relationship whether it's with friends or a partner and think Have I outgrown them? Now that you've found yourself watching this video. We're here to ask a few questions that might help you figure this out Is the spark still there? Intimacy and affection will waver over the course of a relationship, so don't be discouraged just yet That's natural. As couples therapist Dr. Bruce Tolmer explains in his book Reigniting the spark why stable relationships lose intimacy and how to get it back Relationships can end by fire or ice Let's take a look at what a relationship's death by ice would look like according to Bruce Tolmer Basically the passion behind the relationship has died Arguments aren't even worth having anymore Sexual intimacy has dried up things between you and your partner have become dreary and predictable Dr. Tolmer goes on to say that if this problem isn't addressed you will end up feeling alone miserable and unfulfilled The solution is to restore communication and seek intimacy But the root cause may be that you are beginning to outgrow your partner The petty arguments aren't worth it anymore. You don't feel attracted to them like you used to but if you aren't convinced Ask yourself Do you still share the same goals? Our direction in life is bound to change as we discover more about ourselves and find new things we're passionate about Our goals change with us for example in Relationships the relationship might have started with an understanding that neither of you want kids Over time you might have grown to realize that you actually would like to have children eventually This is something to discuss as soon as you realize this change in yourself because there is a limit to how long you can go without discussing it This also isn't something that either partner can be asked to compromise on Psychologist Judith Gerr and colleagues published a study in the Journal of Research and Personality They found that this can be fatal for the relationship But also found that your effective well-being which is how often you experience positive emotions or good moods is positively impacted by sharing goals with your partner if you feel like you've lost your sense of self and are not sure what your Goals are outside of your relationship Maybe you should ask yourself Are you becoming or are you already codependent? According to medical news today in its simplest terms a codependent relationship is when one partner needs the other partner who in turn Needs to be needed this circular relationship is the basis of what experts refer to when they describe the cycle of codependency It's nice to know that you have someone you can rely on but it's important to remember that you can do things on your own You should still feel like you can make decisions that affect the relationship While in a relationship you should still be aware of who you are and pursue the things that you enjoy Clinical psychologist Mimi Bomersbach and colleagues found that there is a relationship between codependency and power If you feel like your partner is making all of the decisions or none of them There is an imbalance in power this can indicate that one of you is outgrowing the other Interestingly the study also found that this issue affects both men and women alike. Are you in different transitional stages? Transition can mean a lot of things going from high school to university is a transition Moving away is also a transition There are also transitions that happen inside of us as we learn more about ourselves and become different people from who We were for example a year ago Authors William and Susan Bridges came up with the Bridges transition model which identifies three phases These are the ending the neutral zone in the new beginning The ending could be finishing school or moving out The neutral zone is once you've moved out or found a new job, but you aren't fully adjusted The new beginning is actually what it sounds like you've finally made a new group of friends or started that new job And you've gotten to know everyone When there are differences between you and your partner stages in life It can create a rift if you need to move on but your partner doesn't want to or if your ambitions disrupt What they are comfortable with at the moment it could lead to conflict It seems like an inevitable end. You can't compromise on the fact that you are changing So what can be done a solution offered by William and Susan Bridges is communication Learn how to talk about what you're feeling and your concerns and identify what aspects of your life is changing It is sad, but also natural that sometimes the person you're with just won't be interested in the transition that you are undergoing All of this ultimately indicates one thing You are outgrowing the relationship and the solution of communication might not work for everyone because you still have to ask yourself Are you feeling burnt out as we get older and our attention becomes divided We should be excited to have some free time to spend with our partners clinical sociologist Ruella Alsowalka Explains that burnout becomes more likely as the couple ages and can be caused by collective and individual problems Such as emotional fatigue work exhaustion and a failure to fulfill the requirements of their marital relationship especially the emotional requirements This isn't the same as losing interest or attraction towards your partner This is feeling genuinely drained when around them. Your partner makes things more exhausting for you instead of making life more tolerable Finally, we return to Dr. Bruce Chalmer and how the fire style of destruction will destroy your relationship According to Dr. Bruce, your relationship will become a war zone Constant arguments broken up by a few moments of truth can leave you feeling burnt out If you're arguing with your partner often be honest with yourself and take responsibility for the fights that you start This way of living is extremely unhealthy and is a culmination of all of the problems. We've discussed in this video If you've tried communicating your concerns with your partner and you still feel like there's a disconnect between the two of you Maybe you've outgrown the relationship It's sad to say goodbye to someone especially when you've been together for a long time But letting go of someone is part of the process of growing Sometimes in order to fully realize our potential we need to leave a relationship If you found these questions helpful, let us know in the comments Remember to leave a like on the video and subscribe to see more videos like this If you're struggling with a relationship that you feel like you have outgrown Remember to communicate with your partner You might find that they feel the same way and you can find a solution or move on to something that is healthier for both of you