 Well hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com And I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, stop doing this with passive men. Do this instead. Stop doing this with passive men. All right, really quickly if you're new to my new YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell So you can be notified of content. I shoot about three or four, three or four videos per week. Okay, you got to stop! Doing this with men who are passive. So All right, let's talk about passivity. What we're talking about, when we talk about passivity, are men who are hot and cold and wishy-washy and kind of ambivalent to the relationship. They oftentimes don't return, you know, they disappear for a day or two. We call that pulling away. They're sometimes they they come on strong. Sometimes they, again, they come, not sometimes they come on strong in many cases and then they lean away and then they come in in the minute, you know, this happens. So there's a passivity going on here. It's kind of like there's, there's not a real commitment to the relationship is what's really happening. Now, let's differentiate between the first 90 days of a relationship versus something after 90 days, because it takes about a hundred days to really get to know someone. So there's always going to be this dance of kind of in and out as you're getting to know someone. And when I say by in and out, you have to remember that the man had a life prior to meeting you. So that life prior to meeting you has its own stuff going on in it and depending on how chaotic or, you know, how much chaos is going in his life is going to depend on how real active he's in the relationship. But when you get to the three month mark, here's the bottom line, ladies, he's either in exploring the relationship or not, he's either in exploring the relationship or not. And so if he's starting to act passive afterward, then stop doing what I'm about to say, stop doing this. When a man is acting passive, start doing this. Okay. First off, stop being afraid to share your feelings. Stop being afraid to share your feelings. If you've been following my work, I'm a big proponent of something called self love. I wrote a book called What the Heck is Self Love Anyway. See, written by Jonathan Asley. Chapter one is speak your truth. Do it with kindness. Speak your truth. Do it with kindness. So here's the thing, when you're starting to doubt the relationship and if you're having to analyze the relationship, then that's the time to lean in, you lean in and have a real honest to God conversation with them. And that honest to God conversation really says, you know, it's almost asking where is this relationship going? And I know men fear that question. Men who are stuck, men who are incapable of being in relationship are unable to answer that question. If you watch my video about when a man is ready for love, I talk about the tunnel they go through and a significant number of men are stuck in the tunnel so they're not capable of leaning into the relationship. Hence why they're passive. This is why when this happens, it is coming upon you to lean in and start expressing your feelings in a very kind, loving way. And the bottom line is this, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can never say the wrong thing to the right person. You only scare the wrong person. So the fear that you have, so stop having the fear of speaking up and start leaning into your sovereignty. Start leaning into your power. Start leaning into that place that says, I'm not afraid because I'm in control of my destiny. I'm sorry if I'm yelling. It's just that I want to be that wake up call and I'm hoping that by being kind of intentional and purposeful for you, that you're going to say, yes, Jonathan, I'm going to step in. I'm going to speak my truth no matter what the outcome is. Because only guys who are incapable of being in a relationship are the ones who run away. Now, that's not to say that your own fears can get in the way. Your fears can get in the way and sabotage a relationship. But quite frankly, if you sabotage the relationship, that means you're not ready for a fully committed relationship. And so, yes, you might sabotage a good relationship because you haven't done the inner healing that needs to be done. And I invite you to read the books like Getting the Love You Want by Harvelle Hendricks, by reading Attached by Amir Levine, to reading these wonderful books I talk about. Learn Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. And by the way, there's a link below for Jonathan recommends if you want to check out the books. Also, there's a link to my book called What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway. Have you purchased any of these books? Are you reading these? Are you learning how to be in a healthy, happy relationship? Are you healing your wounds? Please tell me. Are you willing to make a commitment right here and right now saying, I'm going to stop being reluctant to share my feelings? Raise your hand and say, yes, I'm going to lean into. And it's okay if a guy bolts. It's okay if a guy bolts because a guy who bolts, was a guy who was incapable of being in a relationship anyway. Are you willing to make that commitment to yourself? If you have, be part of the club that says, I'm willing to make a commitment. Write it down. I want to hear about it. And if you need support, help schedule a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you. Because I can help prepare you for the right guy, that guy who's going to lean into the relationship. Because that's what you want. A man who's going to say, I'm willing to make. I'm going to make a commitment to exploring the relationship and not to exploring connection, companionship and sex. Because most men can do that. I've talked about this Esther Perel who wrote the book, Mating and Captivity talks about this called stable ambiguity, which basically means the bare minimum that needs to be done to keep the relationship going. It's basically casual relationships. And I want to say, most people dating today are simply in casual relationships. They're casual because there's no real commitment to the relationship. But I've interviewed men and women who are in happy relationships. I mean, I've got such a group of friends that I have couples that are in great relationship and they all say the same thing. They were all in, not marriage all in kind of thing, but they were all into exploring where this is going to go. And they made a conscious effort to make it work. And that's what I want you to do instead. Are you with me? Okay. All right, I hope you got value from this video. Please post a question. I read all of them and I try to respond. And if you need my support, please let me know as well. All right, I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone and give them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thank you very much and wishing you a fabulous day. Bye-bye now.