 Hey there foundation staff shirm here. Welcome to the site 42 critique lab Today our link of the day is Jack Everett's is draft what it means to be human What it means to be human So while everyone files into class and takes a look in the description for the link of the day Allow me to introduce the show. This is the site 42 critique lab Which a fans of the scp community some of us authors some of us just people who like the stuff and we take a look at people's scp drafts and Try and get them site ready So if you have a draft that you would like to submit to the site 42 critique lab make sure you send that in to scp site 42 at gmail.com that is scp Site 42 at gmail.com and you can send your drafts in and the chat and I will tackle it So let me pull up chat Make sure that we are running live So to get things started from the link of the day Let's get into Jack Everett's is draft what it means to be human so Go ahead open your textbooks to the sandbox We are opening up with a kind of cool winged Like angel wings tramp stamp tattoo of the scp logo like I know I called a tramp stamp, but it's still pretty cool By order of the ethics committee the following file has been declassified and released under ethics committee order This file has been designated as mandatory viewing for all personnel of level 2 clearance or higher Unauthorized access is forbidden Note this document is outdated. Please see addendum project sepulcher For more information be aware that any discrepancies in the documentation are a result of this and most expungements contain sensitive data necessary for the replication of illegal actions item number scp 3455 object class Ketter special containment procedures scp 344 3455 is contained in site 120 Ketter class zone containment unit 3 4 Scranton reality anchors are replaced surrounding scp 3455 Creating a focus point with a geometric center directly on the subject scp 3455 remains restrained to a reality-stabling device and should not be removed at any time Comp scanner should be monitored in shifts noting that you levels fluctuate most often during waking hours This is to be expected Psychiatric evaluation should be conducted by weekly while the subject has remained compliant during detainment Personnel should expect scp 3455 to experience acute psychological deterioration due to its anomalous effects No testing or documentation regarding scp 3455 is allowed in detainment unit 3 all records should be taken externally interesting Addition date date redacted date Should the subject begin to initiate a C clay CK class event the Einstein Einstein-Rosen singularity generator key to a frequency linked to a reality which has previously recorded To have undergone a K-class scenario Excluding EK class should be activated except scp 3455 into the singularity and be deactivated indefinitely The frequency used should then be blacklisted from foundation records see addendum for more information current frequency 137 440 All right, we are deep in the techno babble today guys. Let's keep it going description scp 3455 previously Jesse R. Mantell Was a level five researcher who had conducted testing of the previous object designated scp 3455 as Part of the design team and assisted with the illicit performance of the illegal procedure 380 sepulcher scp 3455 was unexpectedly Exposed to abnormally high-hewn levels while conducting procedure as the procedure 380 sepulcher sepulcher When a quartz crystal in the capacitor of the field stabilizer fractured under stress of the weight of the machine Contrary readings taken at this of the subject are tentative at best due to the nature of its condition but have a mean value of Three digits making scp 3455 the highest measure ontokinetic based. Oh The highest based ontokinetic based on the current rating system Ontokinetic is the fancy technical term for reality bender in case that's not a thing you know about scp 3455 has been compliant in all stages of testing due to its previous employment However, the subject's reality modification abilities are incredibly effective because of this and a lack of experience The subject is unable to limit or control itself scp 3455 often becomes intangible or super tangible due to this fact especially in result to heightened levels of stress and thus cannot be feasibly harmed or executed Addendum as of redacted redacted redacted Predictive data for scp 3455 has been show to be exponentially rising in human levels This would suggest the possibility of a CK glass reality restructuring scenario event Ending the life of scp 3455 and intensely raising the human levels in as much as an estimated 78% of the solar system Dr. Blank's note do not assume. We are relegating scp 3455 to the gallows We are working diligently to decrease the human levels of scp 3455 Giving him the opportunity to harness his reality altering powers to attempt to self-balance could cause just as much destruction as a Super-reality event if not more. However, it is in all of our best interests that scp 3455 Anomalous behavior reduces as they have previously been very beneficial to the foundation Mental is one of our best and brightest. We will not give up and then we have a photo of Conscretor scanner readouts left taken on a certain date right taken on a later date seven days later in which you'll notice that picture one has a Little darker than picture two So that is apparently his Hume levels increasing power rising so Recovered files from project sepulcher. Okay, so we've got our documents that tells us All right, so before we move on item number three four five five at least right now is this researcher Jesse Mantell who was Exposed to something During an illegal procedure That made him into the most reality-bending thing in the world so But he can't control it because he doesn't know what he's doing and so we got him strapped to a table and he allows himself to Be strapped to a table. That's how far we've gotten so far So now we are going into the first tab of recovered files The Scranton lock Hume generator archive copy of original project sepulchral sepulcher sepulcher is a word sepulcher the purple purple purple purple purple purple purple purple purple purple purple purple purple purple purple purple purple purple purple sepulcher Scranton lock Hume generator plus There's a document on its own. Okay Frick, let's go Note this document is outdated the number has been reassigned due to the Violation due to violation of foundation code and failure to meet the requirements for scp designation Please see project sepulcher for more information Does that lead to another link? This page doesn't exist yet. Okay, so that might be I don't know why that's a link But we'll come back to that Courts asked so basically he's the biggest bad big bad of the big bad's Well, he's the biggest reality bender of the reality benders, but he's not bad because he's a good guy Who just accidentally got turned it's it's the Incredible Hulk. He's the Incredible Hulk But instead of being a giant monster. He's a super reality bender. Okay, so here we are in So please see project sepulcher for more information Be aware that any discrepancies in the documentation are a result of this and expungements contain sensitive data necessary for the replication of illegal actions So the original item number scp 3455 Object class Thaumiel explained In case you are catching up to the stream check the link of the day in the description to check out the draft We are reading we are currently in the recovered files Scranton lock Hume generator tab So object class Thaumiel explained special containment procedures Please note scp 3455 is only to be operated by trained personnel those familiar with scp 3455's workings and user interface In an emergency situation untrained personnel referencing this document are advised to seek shelter in one of site 120's Reality balancing chambers without attempting to operate scp 3455 do not attempt to abort procedure 380 sepulcher Scp 3455 is held at site 120 during the preliminary testing phase in the mechanical projects wing testing bay a No personnel under clearance level 3 are to be permitted entrance to testing bay a data expunged Okay, that's an entire. I don't know what that is At least 24 hours before project 380 sepulcher is initiated all reality affecting altering devices at or near site 120 must be disabled if hue levels in the interior of scp 3455 reach 100 and emergency shutdown will be automatically activated Triggering of the failsafe or unauthorized activation of scp 3455 constitutes a level 5 code violation Additionally any leak of information regarding scp 3455 to any members of the foundation not directly involved with scp 3455 Also constitutes a level 5 code violation Scp 3455 documentation is we kept off any data backups or document compendiums Preferably in an analog format this document being an exception Project 380 sepulcher details following precautionary testing procedure 380 sepulcher is to be executed on this date it redacted which constitutes four phases activated in order Procedure 380 sepulcher should be Conducted under supervision of level 5 research team 9 If at any point error an error is noted in scp 3455's calibration or startup Procedure 380 sepulcher is to be suspended immediately Sepulcher is the hardest word. I've ever said in my life. I can't seem to say sepulcher Procedure 380 sepulcher sepulcher sepulcher Is the prompt is the process of introducing a biological foreign body to event 357 lock safely a process Including four phases phase chi phase psi phase omega and phase alpha Phase X. Oh, I guess you mean phase chi Okay, back up we're gonna do some pictures real quick Um Court says I wish there was voice chat. That would be awesome for those of you watching the stream. I Feel free to do a voice chat in the site 42 discord I can't join that because it would like make loud noises on the What's the phrase I'm looking for? It would make loud noises on the stream, but y'all can do a voice chat in the discord if you want to communicate that way The author Jack ever says it's Chi not Chi Okay, so if you're using Greek lettering it's Chi CHI is Chi not Chi Chi is a misspelling actually of qi which is Chi in Asian religions in The energy the Chi energy Whereas Chi is a Greek letter, which is CHI So those are different things. I believe but now that you've mentioned it I need to check that we're not on a spelling and grammar yet, but Google.com how To pronounce CHI how to pronounce Greek letters I'll come to this later. We got a lot of reading to do it looks like Okay, so Phase Chi in phase 3455 is focused on its central platform with no instructions of any form External Scranton reality anchors are to be activated exactly 32 minutes prior to main execution During this time no organic matter of micro or macroscopic is to be present in the testing chamber This may be achieved through a combination of chemical ultraviolet and anomalous cleaning methods Following this the procedure may begin internal Scranton reality anchors are to be fired Consecutively for four minutes and ten seconds once it's been completed focus Scranton reality anchors are to be activated simultaneously This is a continue for approximately 17 minutes or until counter reaches three digits Which ever succeeds the other once completed scp 345 is to be stabilized and all assisting personnel are to exit testing Bay a Further phases expunged for security purposes Description scp 345 is an advanced apparatus consisting of 12 modified Scranton reality anchors Defied it into three classes and various other anomalous and non anomalous mechanisms Created or assembled by level 5 research team 9 to data expunged a project initiated by 059 scp 3455 is designated the Scranton lock reality generator and as a blank blank blank date is in testing phase 0.4.2 each success of iteration has yielded higher contour readings in the last Suggesting that a project like procedure 380 sepulchre sepulcher could yield a successful operation scp 3455 generates an anomalous phenomenon that's meaning scp 3455-1 scientifically glass as event 357 lock and colloquially referred to as the Cumball previous general reality theories have suggested that an event like event 357 lock is theoretically possible earlier iterations of have Earlier iterations of have scp 345 tested and confirmed that I'm assuming that's just a spelling error Okay Remainder expunge for security purposes, so that's all we know from this document in summary Uh is We have a machine This machine and This machine makes a hume ball. Ooh pretty hume ball pretty hume ball and Whatever you do don't let live things be in the hume ball chamber and then Also, we now know that this was created By 059 so Big machine makes hume balls don't let living things in with it 059 Decided this was gonna be a thing Also, this is illegal as heck as stated by the first document, which is why this project is shut down so Remainder expunge for security purposes moving on universe Delta Corbin Chorbin Corbin Chorbin data collected from Hermes 8 prior to contamination designation universe Delta Chorbin frequency 1 9 4 6 5 6 universe class Euclid Do universes have Euclid ratings I did not know that Safety precautions all Einstein Rosen singularity generators and similar devices shouldn't be blacklisted to frequency 1 9 4 6 5 6 no contact or transportation to universe Delta Chorbin is permitted Should any member of the foundation be transported to universe Delta Chorbin? No return travel is permitted returning to universe Alpha ask or Disclosing information about universe Alpha ask to other dimensional entities is a level 5 code violation description universe Delta Chorbin solar system is binary as a result a higher level of ambivalent ultraviolet radiation than baseline permeates the Observed area of the reality. It is hypothesized that the dominant species of the deserved area designated bio 1 9 4 5 6 5-1 Hold on Spelling in grammar. This is 5 6 5 the universe is 6 5 6 I think you meant those to be the same maybe but moving on Possesses a visual spectrum closer to this range of light and additionally a biologically and technically evolved despite and alongside this alteration Previous interactions with universe Delta Chorbin have been limited Logs concerning universe Delta Chorbin or Corbin whatever that is predating incident 3 4 4 5 dash date Consists only the loss of connection Hermes 8 connection to Hermes 8 I assume and a small selection of recovered images and videos the recovered video from this from the Disconnection of Hermes 8 on redacted date wouldn't gain Hermes 8 was recovered by several instances of bio 1 9 4 5 6 5 I mean 6 5 6 That in identical protective clothing of scurrying features Weird parentheses labeled in infrared symbols of unknown translation Which could possibly be a team from an organization similar in purpose to the foundation This area has been exposed to high levels of elevated reality the results of which are not entirely clear This is a result of scp 3 4 5 initiating the c-class realities restructuring event We're in scp 3 4 5 is transferred Directly via Einstein Rosin singularity generator to delt universe Delta Chorbin due to the nature of the event We can assume this reality is undergoing a CK class reality restructuring event as a result Universe Delta Chorbin is considered has a dislocation and no to or from travel is permitted Incident report recovery log of scp 3 4 4 5 All right, so hold on. So universe Delta Chorbin is a universe and It has two sons so it's a tattooing and We don't go there and we don't come back from there if we do go there Don't go and don't let anyone come in this universe is locked off Okay. Oh, and there are things there. There are things might be people Incident report date redacted recovery log of scp 3 4 5 5 instant report forward On the date of redacted the project started by blank blank formerly o5 9 was discovered by other members of the o5 council while Mova Towsk, while Mova but While mobile task force alpha 1 codename red right hand was enroute blank blank and his team attempted to begin procedure 3 a 0 separate occur before scp 3 4 5 5 dash I 1 was fully completed Below is a transcript from the incident based on audio recordings as well as eyewitness accounts from the reality repair team Begin long at 12 out 1200 hours or three minutes an audible computerized ding is heard likely from a computer's terminal Lead researcher Harding shit shit shit shit. We're going to have to get 3 4 5 5 now. We've been compromised footnotes This references the Scranton Lock Hume generator several expressions of surprise and expletives can be heard Unconfirmed. Where's 9? Scp 3 4 5 5 claims this voice belongs to researcher George drool no records of George drool matching description to be found in the foundation database Why was this person deleted? Harding he's on his way prep everything. I want every system triple checked within the next five minutes several Several Scranton reality anchors can be heard initiating Researcher Danton face. I is ready Harding mental. Where's phase Chi researcher mental It's gonna take some time to set up the full process That's the one thing we can't afford right now skip the externals and speed up the rate of draw Where is 9? Boom boom in several armed agent center boom boom. Is it prepped? It's almost here, sir. We just need we don't have the time red right hand is on their way Get a prep for phase Omega go extraneous details redacted Face Chi is a go load them in Alpha one is in the site. Let's go an audible fracture can be heard Followed by the hiss of a failed vacuum seal a large begin to sound. Oh shit. Get him out of there. It's going to Gary if you pull me out of here, I'll have your head. Keep me in do not open this chamber An explosion occurs and the audio fails for several minutes due to distortion. Oh Shit mentels the unconfirmed voice begins to scream, but ceases abrupt light What? Sv 345 voice catches as its arm passes through the desk it is leaning on The reality suppresses system initiates causing a slight hum. Oh my oh my god Oh several members of site 120 reality stabilizing team arrived in testing Bay aim begin to assist Sv 345 in stabilization One member of the team powers down all devices of the day Bay ending recording the minutes of dr. Harbing date at least a Year if not a couple years after this Because we've now changed the date from an oh something to a one-something and ethics committee disciplinary meeting All right, so from this we learned from this incident. We learned summary that O5 council So this is basically just the incident shit. We got to do the thing. Oh my god. They're coming in Uh, we're not ready do it. Anyways, boom bad things happened and at the end of this I Don't know why Unconfirmed has vanished. I don't know why and I don't know what happened to O5 9 yet So maybe those will be answered here Okay, so foundations ethics committee disciplinary meeting minutes date redacted Call to order committee director blank called to order the regular meeting the ethics committee at time o'clock Committee director or a roll call secretary blank conducted a roll call all committee members were present open issues disciplinary meeting Gary Harding Concerning the events of this date researcher Gary Harding stands trial for treason against the foundation and illegal use of foundation resources and information Below is a transcription of his evaluation begin log Director blank, please start by telling us how you first got involved in this entire situation Harding well, that can be answered fairly simply as that O5 9's personal research team returns to work on project sepulcher Beyond what would happen if we disobeyed a direct order from the O5 council They're also promises of miracles if we were successful sort of like we're giving a genius powers to grant us wishes What exactly would you say this project sepulcher was primarily concerned with the whole idea contains a wide range of reasons? But if you like me boil it down it was it was O5 9 I guess apostrophe s Obsession with his might I say immortality crusade Could you elaborate? Well, you know how he is he has this air professionalism, but deep down, you know He's scared right you spend some time with them talk to him in the same room and you can see it's all a ruse after a while He becomes an open book. I should know I spent six months working side-by-side with a man He's a human being there are some things I know he's seen that would make a man crave death just to escape those ends There's probably a million world in anomalies behind locked doors that he only he and the rest of the council have keys to Beyond his goal to prevent his own untumbling demise He also gets to prevent Everything earthly from ever being harmed again Where did this idea come from who gave him the idea to use artificial generated onto kinesis to achieve his goal? We know he's made attempts in the past by past death and this is just one of them He's essentially the 963-2 Seeing as he's tied to the damn thing Also, I don't know what's going on with blank, but the phrase v 20.0 came up during a lot testing and I can only guess Where the wrap that rabbit hole goes? It's actually the next step he could take all the digging I've done these by desi v 2 7 1 8 and it's locked to me You ethics committee knuckleheads may have a better chance at it You're much above my pay grade even if I had a level 5 clearance So I think you're you'd be better off realizing who controls your fate here You're here only because you are a seriously valued member of staff. Otherwise, you would have already been inoculated I'm pretty sure my fate is sealed already. How did this entire situation go unnoticed for some time? I would think something like would fall through the cracks eventually It did Christensen or at least I think it was him leaked to someone to rat that guy Before that we were meticulous everything was under expenses of site 120 Our team grew only slightly but the people we nabbed were important mentor was pivotal in the construction of the slug Excuse me the slug. Oh, yeah, the SLHG Scranton Lockheum generator easier on the tongue. I see please continue Anyways, Jesse was necessary to build that scrapheap through in the room Danton was instrumental in the calculation and well I could have sworn we had someone for the biological component, but for some reason it's funny I've been trying not to think about it. I think someone experienced some complications besides Mantell That's all I can glean from that. The paper was not existent. We borrowed components until Christensen Christensen We're all versed in where he came in. We're well versed in where he came in. What do you think caused the failure in the slug? I'd assume the construction failed in some way. The machine was never supposed to be powered up at that time Mantell never did quite finish them structural supports on the internal wiring I watched as one of the crystals got messed up in the process all of our months of all our months of research to to shit over a leak an information one and a literal one I'll tell you what to that thing would have worked. The human ball was there I saw it with my own eyes propagation fields of reality had never gotten this advanced if we'd had enough time We'd all be on a new level of existence with how this thing operates Do you have any idea the ramifications of such an action? Ventriloquism leaving anyone even if they are member of the O5 council abilities like this the horrible thing people Empowered you in this position sure that you must have some morals All right, mr. Curry's director imagine your face with a big red button say you press that button There's a 50% chance you would die and a 50% chance whatever you want most in the world would occur instantly Would you press it? What if that chance meant everyone would die? I would say if I'm asleep for me and the rest of myself that chance was too big to turn down You would risk the life of every human being on this planet to the wrath of someone with near infinite power for your own progression of goals It's not just our own progression with power like our predictions specified Every Apollyon and Keter class could be zapped away in the blink of an eye overpopulation world hunger anything all solve with a wave of Your hand distant galaxies could become exploitable in an instant nothing's too far-fetched You fail to address the concept of all innocent lives think of the billions of lives populating this planet not knowing a single thing about What lies under the bed living their lives peacefully 3455 is likely to go superhuman if we fail the transport Who knows what kind of CK our reality will undergo something of this magnitude has never been simulated let alone tested Would you think perhaps for a second past this situation? How many things out there are interested in doing that exactly that already how many things are unpreventable growing out of control right now? Two minutes faster isn't gonna alter anything. It's meaningless to attempt to struggle. Do you feel death director? That's exactly what got us into this mess originally Of course if we didn't the foundation wouldn't really have a purpose would it then Excuse me dr. Harding how many times will this happen how many times is a researcher have to die horribly perhaps every even over and over again After being exposed to some kind of anomaly how many times do we have to destroy an entire innocent world simply to plunder the resources or simply dispose of our Hazardous waste as you so eloquently described my esteemed colleague. He had a name. His name was Mantel Jesse Mantel Gary Gary Oh five nine would have been a fluke anyways, and I realize that too far into the project There's no one way to run this place because absolute power corrupts absolutely and fear makes good men do horrible things It's what communism's failed every time it's been tried and my democratic goal Democratic will cut capitalism's fucked our morals Give someone an opportunity to be self-generous at the expense of others and they're gonna do it It doesn't matter that someone already tried to play nice and failed thousands of time before because every person thinks I can do Way better than the last guy they just failed to get the facts that the next guy will think the same of them until somebody does Inevitably end the chain by blowing us all to holy hell and even then thank you for time. Gary. I think we've heard enough No, you don't understand. It's a time bomb. We're sitting on a time bomb and there's no wires to cut No, well, well, well, well removed from the function and the log Penting sentence adjournment committee director blank adjourn the meeting at time Okay Okay, guys, let's sit down. Let's sit back. Let's marinate a little bit. Oh my lord Bah Bah For everybody who was in on that Take a second read through Uh I'm gonna summarize. I'm gonna summarize and we're gonna go into the idea talk and then we're gonna go Then uh Once we're done with the summary. So we're gonna go over the summary. I'm gonna summarize exactly what this is Piece by piece. We're gonna get the whole story Then we're gonna talk about what we think of the story then we're gonna talk about The spelling and grammar stuff because there's a little spelling and grammar throughout this with this many words It's to be expected Wow that Reading the article did 30 minutes 32 minutes were at so that was 30 minutes just to read it That's intense now I'm gonna take a drink. All right, so Long long long long long long long long story short close all of my tabs Start at the top and let's do everything. All right document one By order the ethics committee. We're closing this up document one is Item number SCP-3455 is currently in real-time right now It is oh no shit. This one's outdated too. Ah Fucking god damn it. I've already cursed enough for our monetization to be lost So just fucking curse god damn it shit. This document is outdated. So this is not the current document so 3455 was Jesse Mantell who accidentally got turned into The most powerful reality bender of all time Somehow he got turned into a super reality bender and he can't handle it and He's probably going to explode in a giant reality bending explosion that makes all of reality fucked so all of the Reality fucking Stuff Reality is gonna be fucked by a reality fucking bomb Let's move on So if he's gonna oh yes, and then did it do so this says he's supposed to be thrown away, right? Where's he gets yeah So if he's about to get thrown away if he's about to explode we toss him into another dimension and that other dimension will be fucked bombed And that I said in the chat someone morrigan said fuck mom at the exact moment I said fuck bomb that was really funny to me Good moments in chat So we throw it into an alternate dimension that has already exploded that way we don't hurt anybody So that universe is exploded. So we just throw another bomb in there. It's not a big deal And also we have a note at the bottom that says Hey guys, we like this guy and We're not just Throwing him to a dungeon This is a what's the phrase I'm looking for This note at the bottom is like a we still like this guy. We're not throwing him in the dungeon It's kind of like the oh five note from scp 231 where it's like yes We are still trying to save her but we have to do what we have to do So this is the same kind of feeling of this is what we uh Are trying to save her so now and uh Jack I see in the chat that you're talking about the different frequency I'm only going one document at a time So so far We just know we're gonna throw it in a dead dimension. We don't know that it's another dimension yet And that's we're gonna talk about that So After we get to the end of this guy's a reality bomb waiting to happen But we still like him. So we're trying to help him We move into document two Which is the scranton lock hume generator. Otherwise known as the slug So we go into the slug This is outdated item number scp 34455 Thaumiel explained. So this is the machine that makes the hume bomb or the hume ball Now all we know here Is that we made a machine that makes a hume ball And you don't put anything living in the hume ball And oh five nine told us to build this for some reason And we're gonna expunge all the phases of making it happen And we're going to expunge The reason that this is happening So all we know is we have a machine what makes a hume ball And oh five nine said to do it universe delta corbin tab Uh universe delta corbin is specifically frequency one nine four six five six And you'll notice above in the original document that the current frequency to send three four five into Three four five five into was frequency one three seven four forty so What this document Is saying is Safety precautions don't send anybody in don't bring anyone out description universe delta corbin solar system is binary, blah blah blah Okay, so this area has been supposed to high levels of elevated. Oh wait. So here we go Previous interactions with universe delta corbin have been limited. So in the past We found people And advanced people And then the third paragraph of the description Says that we have shown this place to elevated levels of reality And we don't know what happened. So lock the door. Don't go in or out So all we know from document delta corbin By what's set in the text explicitly is there's another universe Not the universe we were talking about earlier There used to be people in it And this area has been exposed to high levels of elevated reality So I think we are supposed to read between the lines and say that The uh That we accidentally threw the hume guy hume bum into a populated universe So incident reports The incident is the moment that mantel became a reality bender While a red right hand was coming in And then ethics committee Is a really long interview Where we explain the reason this all happened and why it was justified So here is where i'm going to start the idea phase My first thought for the idea phase Jesus here we go Our main concept here Is that let me let me put this in chronological order because this is a Oh my lord So to start to start the very first thing Is that I personally Am not a long article guy I'm not I like short. I like medium length articles And when I see a long article like When dj cactus writes an article No Oh god. I'm not reading that Jesus. I ain't ain't nobody got time for that So Seeing this article's link that was already like oh boy. Here we go but then There is so much That is Not told But it's not told So there's two ways to do foreshadowing You foreshadow something by making clues to something And then Or saying something that then leads to a response And what happens a lot here Is this is depending it feels like On a lot of knowledge that people already have And then it feels like the final interview Is that It almost feels like that's extra Because people didn't get it So here's the whole explanation So it's like you guys didn't get this here we go knock it down. Here's everything that happened I mean, it's not quite that it almost feels like that, but it's not like fully that Man my head is fuzzy right now. That's just really long. So Let me see with the opening document first of all Yeah, that's why the final interview exists because people complain that they didn't know what the hell was going on so First of all No, second third of all, what am I on? Am I on the fourth of all yet? Um So at no point in this Did you tell the audience That you dumped mantel into the other universe You mentioned You put it there that this is the frequency of the universe we're going to send it to You said the other Uh universe has a different frequency. So we notice a different universe And then you mentioned in the very last paragraph after everything else That there this area has been exposed to high levels of elevated reality It I feel like that was burying the lead too far You could have said probably We this is After addendum addendum afterwards That we accidentally sent him here instead Like the description is So our question here is story structure How do you tell the story? that simply boils down to At its core our high concept is o five nine Who canonically in several scps before Has tried to become immortal He's trying to become immortal again And as such he commissions a machine to make him a reality bender and the Because of an information leak because that christensen guy is a snitch He decides to rush the uh rush the Procedure it blows up in his face And instead of turning him into a reality bender It turns jesse into a reality bender So that's story one O five nine Commissions of machine Gets rushed turned guy into reality bender That's story one story two Is jesse mantel Accidentally becomes a reality bender of epic the most proportions and then can't handle it and therefore Almost explodes our universe And so we were going to send him through To one universe But we did it wrong And sent him to a populated universe and he exploded in a populated universe, which is fucked up And then we finish it With an entire Exposition diatribe Into the morality of o five nine's cause I've got a headache I've got a headache dude. Oh no There's so much There's so much going on Okay Chat, please help me out with whatever you've got along the way because I'm just I'm going right now Okay, so Here we go. Here's the thing Jesus What do we do to make this skip? Ready to go on the main list That is the question we need to ask Yes, so before I freaking like Freak out here like trying to make this work Let me point out that there is a lot of good things here like Albeit, there's just a whole lot of techno babble to get through But like the humor homework has been done pretty well It seems all the Scranton realities and the counter research and the Humes and stuff that all I believe makes sense by all references Meanwhile Uh There's a lot of really I like a lot of the little references to other scp things Like I like the little easter eggs. I love that this had time to do that It's very thorough. It's like 99 spelling and grammar fine. Like there's a couple things here and there So like there's a lot of good here it's It's in the structure and the story you're trying to tell that we need to sort this out mainly So that's what we're going to fight for First of all, so let's focus subplot by subplot Jesse Mantell Jesse Mantell at no point in here Honestly, I think the incident reports where They they come in on 05 9 where jesse gets transformed I don't think we need it at all I don't think that's the uh incident you need to share I think the incident you need to share Is why jesse ended up in a populated dimension I think That you explain jesse You explain maybe the hume generator and the hume generator needs a I'm actually writing that right now. Would you like a link? Dear god? No We've got enough for now But we'll come back to that later So I think you explain Jesse himself like you started with Um, I think you then explain the hume generator I think a much much much much shorter Ethics committee addendum Goes on the end of the Hume generator So I don't think we need a full interview. I think we just need an ethics committee report on 05 9 And that little report can go with the generators portion That way we cut off that whole ending And just find a nice easy way to get that slide that info in there Uh Then we need the incident where jesse goes full nuclear And we need to know why they sent it to the wrong universe We need to like we need reality to be freaking out. We need like Tables to turn into dogs and horses and we need Just things to go crazy like toontown up in this shit And they send them to the wrong universe They realize it the last line is like, oh no What? And then the next addendum is universe delta corbin And we restructure that just to make it very clear that Formerly was a or we say safe precaution description description List that it's people list that it's we've had communications with them stuff like that And then the final addendum of universe should be This universe has gone through a has Blah blah blah because blah blah blah. We set the guy through the hole Lock the door. Don't let anybody in. This could be bad Right now That is my best guess for structuring this story narratively Show me jesse Show me the generator Show me the ethics committee versus 059 Show me The evacuation of jesse after he the fuck bomb went to hell And then show me what happened to the universe he got sent to I feel like that is a narratively cohesive story that tells you everything you need to know. Okay Because a lot of what is not working in this Is the big three Are there's a lot of techno babble There's a lot of techno babble And that's a second thing that makes me glaze over my eyes Uh like right now recently one of the top rated pages right now is scp 3930 That's the new dj cactus skip And it's a classic wall of wall of wall of all so many things and uh But there was a hook The hook Was this does not exist. This does not exist. There was this repetition There was this like driving force of rhythm that made me go. Oh my god. I've got to see what the heck's up with this And I read the whole thing and it was so interesting to me that I then recorded it Uh go check the channel if you haven't seen the pattern screaming screaming reading yet But you have to have a really solid hook To get people to go that far in a long skip in the first place And then you need that hook to be just the most intense Most powerful reality bending hook of all time If you're going to get them to go through an extremely long article that is also massively cross-eye causing techno babble I'm not saying your techno babble is bad. The techno babble is done competently. It's just a negative concept That makes it harder for people to get into I guess there makes it harder for some people to get into some people live for that techno babble thing, but The story structure the people who live for the techno babble and the length Want the story structure The people who want Who don't like the babble in length Really needed the structure