 Dear diary, today is Wednesday and it's my birthday and I'm 14 years old. Can you believe I found my diary from 1968? I always knew that I had a diary and that I kept it. I haven't looked at it and of course I lost the key so jimming it open was pretty easy But dear diary Today is Wednesday, February 14th 2018 and I am 64 years old. I Cannot believe I'm 64 years old and I know some of my passages in here that I wrote 50 years ago couldn't envision 64 I certainly couldn't at all. I'm also wearing a pair of my vintage earrings I think I probably got these in the 70s sometime So I thought they were pretty close to being in that era, but this video is totally inspired by Mary Ellen after 60 when she did her birthday video I thought it was the most wonderful thing that she did I loved listening to her story and I said to myself I have to do something similar and So I did and so this is my dear diary video and when I look at this and I opened to the very first entry of this diary It was written on my birthday and it says Wednesday Today is my birthday And I am 14 years old I got some shoes five dollars a coat some underwear and also it's Valentine's Day And I got some cards If I could go back to that 14 year old girl after reading this diary, there were some things I would definitely want to tell her June 5th The world has ended somebody killed Bobby Kennedy The world is over as much as That day was a dark day in your life It was not the end of the world You would go on to face many other dark days and face losses that you couldn't even imagine at 14 and while Bobby Kennedy's death was devastating to the young girl that you were you locked yourself in your room for four days You wouldn't eat you wouldn't talk You couldn't deal with the pain of that loss You will learn quickly That through all the darkness that can happen in your life That you can make a choice and you learned it so young You can make a choice a choice to grab the sun to see it the sunshine to feel it and To take and grab a hold of happiness and bring it within your heart because no matter how dark it is You learn that there's always another day and the sun will shine again and you'll face new trials and new issues But you'll always go forward with that attitude. The sun will always shine no matter what So dear diary life lessons my message to the young girl that I was 1969 oh my gosh You absolutely hated the fact and you thought it was some sort of wild Conspiracy that your father actually put jealousy windows in the new house You thought he did it on purpose so you couldn't sneak out at night And you certainly couldn't sneak out to go to Woodstock when all your other friends did But you know what Woodstock wouldn't have been a good place for you to be at that point in your life 15 year old girl you were young you were developed you were you know, you looked older You were idealistic you easily hurt and maybe easily led Woodstock wouldn't have been the place for you So it was a good thing your dad did put those jealousy windows in because if you didn't you probably would have gone And it's too bad that you didn't do the same thing when your kids were growing up and my mom She's so mean She says the most hurtful things to me. She just doesn't understand when it's like to be a kid and You know, yeah Growing up with a mom that didn't have any filter definitely while could be hurtful to you at times was always meant with love and You would compensate as you grew up to be the type of person that would think three or four times before you said something because You didn't want to hurt anyone One day you will realize that you are a softer more filtered version of your mother and The one thing you will always appreciate as you get older is that Your mother will always tell you the truth. If you say to her, do you like these pants on me? Your mother will say no They make you look fat or no, they don't look good While your husband will say oh, yeah, honey, you look beautiful in them. Oh, yeah, honey Your mother will say So you could always trust your mother to always tell you the truth and Cherish all those moments you will have with her because you are more fortunate than many other young girls You grew up with your mother Yes, you know, you hated your smile in high school. You tried really hard to have a decent pout You worked on that pout you looked in the mirror when you pouted you took pictures with a pout because you just didn't like your smile and One thing that you did learn is over the course of time that your smile. Yes, it gave you all those smile wrinkles Made you you and you're just a type of person that smiles Some people are not and you are and instead of trying to hide that smile disguise that smile or control that smile If you could have learned to just let it go earlier, you might have had a little bit more fun Certain periods of your life, although you might have more wrinkles as well Running away running away at 18 May not have been the best decision for you to make even though You thought you were all grown up at 18 but running away at 18 and getting married barefoot on the beach At that point in your life, you were not ready for marriage You thought you were in love you are only in love with the idea of being in love But that marriage brought you two precious gifts and that's your two babies Your two little blonde-haired blue-eyed baby boys Your oldest would be 20 years younger than you and you will grow up together maybe Not so good at times, but you will grow up together And your youngest is much as you love your children. They're not your world You gave birth to them you tried to shape them and now you've got to let them fly and when you let them fly Thinking to make their own mistakes make their own decisions and as much as you want to stop that from happening as Much as you want to stop them from making those mistakes. You simply can't So yeah, you ran away. You got married. You had your babies. You grew up with your babies and You wouldn't trade those years for anything Do you remember? in 1977 at last in 1977 when your mother-in-law brought you to a fortune reader your psychic mother-in-law She brought you to a fortune reader and the woman read your fortune. She read your tea cups your tea leaves And oh you had such a laugh because the woman was clearly off her my offer rocker She had no idea what she was talking about She told you back then that you would meet your soulmate and that he had brown hair and a beard and That you would have three children Two of your body and one knot and that you will cross paths with your soulmate before you knew it And I remember laughing because at the time I was married to my husband who had blonde hair blue eyes I had two little boys and there was no possibility of a third child in my life My mother-in-law we all locked and I walked away from that fortune teller saying This woman is totally totally totally crazy You have 13 years later one day, or maybe it was 12 One day at an MLS caravan I stood on a balcony of an open foyer home and in walked my soulmate and we locked eyes And that changed everything So all the times that you wrote in your diary you were in love all these letters I haven't even opened half of these letters. I'm kind of afraid to open them up Not because of what they'll say, but because they're so fragile. This is 50 years ago But all of the I love Joe. I love Dickey. I love Roger I Love I love I love you loved Nothing you were a kid you wrote this diary you were 14 years old in 1968 four years later you would be a married woman and Then two years after that you would have your first baby so six years after writing in this diary You would become a mother and your life path would change forever Because no longer was I the carefree young girl Suddenly I became a mother of a living and breathing human being who needed me and I had no clue No clue what I was doing and then there was another and The adventures began suddenly. I was the mom of two boys It was like a lot of fun But as you can see in this picture pretty scary Why didn't anyone ever tell me back then when I was young? To take care of my own health To use sunblock to think about skin care. I never thought about that Back when I was young. I was using baby oil to take off my makeup coconut oil mineral oil I was slavering that on my face to remove my makeup and also Baby oil to grow on the sunbake in the summer. I was definitely a son baby And then when I got married we always lived on a shoestring. We didn't have something called health insurance So while I had two boys and I had to take care of those two boys We always made sure they got the medical treatment. They needed their shots. They were checked up But we did not take care of our own health I cannot tell you in a ten-year period that I ever went to a doctor I certainly never had any kind of a pap smear or pelvic examinations or you know anything at all like that for a Long long time. So your health, you know, it's it's it's something you take for granted when you're young You don't ever think about it But you really need to think about it. You really really do and You know one day you're gonna walk and you're gonna walk by a mirror and you're gonna look in and you're gonna say Who is that woman That woman is you That woman that you're gonna see in the mirror one day is you grown up with all of your life Experiences and all of the things that helped shape you be the woman you are And you can stand back and say it's been it's been a good life. It's sad. It's ups and downs. It's been a good life Had I taken care of myself physically my health things would be better Absolutely health is number one But the one thing you will grow up to learn is to always have a kind heart To and sometimes it's just simply smiling at a stranger and sometimes it's more than that Sometimes it's actually going out of your way to do something for a stranger or for somebody but a Kind heart will take you far in life And that's a lesson you did learn early on and I'm so glad of that So yeah one day when you're 64 you will look back and you will reflect and you'll find the diary You wrote and you'll sit and read it and you'll go. Oh my gosh. I Really felt that way. I really thought that way So here I am 64. Happy birthday to me. Happy Valentine's Day to everyone Thank you for watching this video. Please give me a thumbs up. Please leave a comment I would truly truly appreciate it and hug someone and smile at someone and Have have make a choice every day No matter what make a choice every day to be the best possible you you can be The best possible you you can be that's a choice No matter what circumstances no matter what I have doc moments in here very very doc moments in here To the point when I've read them I cried But every single doc moment that I've had in here helped shape me into the person I ultimately became So how many of you have your diary? Do you still have your diary? I was like I Was like wow, I'm diary So thanks so much for humoring me on my birthday Hope you all have a happy Valentine's Day and just have a great great great day and be happy Bye guys