 listen it's the message right here black boy tell me how you really feel because i just want to build with you black girl tell me how you really feel i want to keep it real with you i want to live better eat better i want to love better sleep better yeah i want to feel so alive what changes are black men looking for in black women changes that's that's an interesting way to put it um i think i i think about these things from the perspective of black boys and black women and then black boys and black girls um and i think the biggest thing that our women fail to do for our black boys is to make them feel necessary and unfortunately a big part of masculinity or a big part of the masculine journey slash what fuels us is feeling necessary and because of like white supremacy because of the disposition that that created in our women they've had to be everything for themselves so the the mindset is we don't need anybody particularly not you you're not as equipped to provide or protect us so we don't need you um but what that says to the boys is that they're not necessary and i think because of that they kind of spiral into anti-social and counterproductive um behaviors so yeah the the best thing they can do is make black boys feel necessary all right so piggybacking in off that what makes black men hesitant to fully unify in peace with black women fully unify in peace i think um one thing that i hear a lot coming from black women is you know this idea that whenever a black man is shot or you know beaten by police or whatever the case may be that black women are the ones at the front lines black women are the ones fighting for our cause black women are the ones championing our interests which is a beautiful thing i i think what black women miss sometimes is the fact that although those things are good things the concepts are also emasculating you know you hear people say black women are the backbone of the black community black women are the leaders of the black community those are beautiful things but they're also inherently emasculating based on what we have defined masculinity to be and black men also subscribe to those definitions so i think the tension is do we wholesale disregard those definitions and redefine them in in in a lifetime or do we have to do we have to acknowledge it first do we have to acknowledge that you know um protecting us isn't the way that we're gonna receive love from you because that's our job right and um i think the question is asking what um can you say the last part again what specifically what makes black men hesitant to oh yeah so i think that's what makes us hesitant because you know we don't know our role anymore we don't know our role a lot of times y'all don't need y'all are black women are out educating black men or educated compared to black men out earning compared to black men in a lot of cases out you know performance for us home ownership corporate employment the whole nine so like we're hesitant because we don't feel like men and we especially don't feel like we can be meant for you so there's a lot of work we need to do first before we can um cooperate as the question said with black women yeah do you feel like there are other races of men that black women see those traits in before the black man which traits the traces you just described the good ones oh yeah white men white men and that's why you'll see um a lot of times like what what i find funny sometimes is most of the time with a black woman you have to prove certain aspects of your masculinity right so you you in some communities you have to prove that you're gangster you have to prove that you you know you're with the shits you about that life whatever the case might be um because that's automatically in question versus the white i mean the black men who talk to white women just offer the strength that you're being a black man she already thinks you're gangster so you don't have to prove that right so she's automatically soft for you she's automatically submissive better to deal with or easier to deal with and that's why some black men turn to white women but on the flip side um with the corny white dude even though he's corny and he's not gangster whatever the case may be off top you know he's a provider he doesn't have to prove that to you off top you know that you know he's at the top of the food chain from a socioeconomic standpoint so that's when your submission comes out because it it's really interesting i see it sometimes like somebody like eve for example eve married a white man or somebody like serena williams married a white man i'm curious to know how just her their voice is talking to their black their former black men versus talking to their current white men like does their voice automatically soften when they're talking to the white man or is it just as rough as it was when they were talking to the black i'm curious about that okay so i guess my next question would be what do you think that black men can do to change their overall image or vibe towards the black woman image being how black women see us how they react to us how you see us i'm me personally i i'm hard on black men i'm hard on niggas um you know in most cases i feel like we're the problem and i always start with us i mean if i'm having a conversation with um black women i might criticize them but nine times out of ten i'm starting the conversation with black men and what we need to do is we need to become more competitive and that means you know from an education standpoint that means corporate participation that means networking that means you know um the ability to put our pride and ego aside and actually prepare for the future because that's that's sometimes white niggas get caught up in bullshit is because of pride and ego but they don't think long term right i use the analogy of the tom brady versus the michael vick michael vick is a 10 times better athlete than tom brady but the reason tom brady is always going to be more successful than michael vick is because his game is more sustainable he can drop back in the pocket and throw the ball for the next for 40 years whereas vick can only run a four two for maybe five years and then taking hits that's not sustainable and i think a lot of times we as black men we rely on flash we rely on you know peaks um but peaks don't sustain peaks don't last for a very long time so i think the best thing we can do is focus on the long game and position ourselves as i'm saying as i'm talking to myself to position ourselves to be competitive long term and know that that might mean you might give up you know the short-term gratification that we've used to define our wins right so yeah that's that's the biggest thing for me