 how can you take simple steps to look after yourself when you're normally very, very busy looking after everybody else? That's what we're going to explore in today's podcast. So let's dive straight in. So today's podcast is entitled self care ideas for busy parents and carers, but actually these ideas are suitable for anyone who finds themselves largely in the caring role rather than the caring for self role. And it's very important that we do think about looking after ourselves partly because if we don't look after ourselves then we're not going to be able to be the adult that our children need. So actually we need to think of ourselves in order to be able to give of ourselves too. Also on a really practical level, if you find it really hard to do these things for yourself, then you can do them for the children in your care because in all that you do each and every day you are acting as a role model and we want our children to learn good self care skills. So we need to show them what that actually looks like from an adult that they care about and respect. Problem is though, when it comes to self care there's so much advice out there and so much of it either just feels like it's missing the mark. So you know, you're running around like a headless chicken you're completely physically and emotionally exhausted and someone's telling you to fit in three hours of yoga every week and you're just like how am I gonna do that? Or it just feels wrong and irritate. I don't know, it's frustrating. These ideas maybe you'll find them wrong and irritating too but they're really, really simple things that you can just fit into your day to day. They're not gonna take up a lot of your time. They might be a slightly different way of doing things sometimes but lots of them will take really no time at all but should over time make a difference. And with all of these sorts of things when it comes to I was gonna say self care but really anything the key to making sustainable change over time is to find something so small, a step so tiny that you feel you can absolutely take and do differently today or tomorrow and every day. It's not about trying to make massive changes. So it's not having lofty aspirations. It's about saying I'm gonna do something just ever so slightly different but I'm gonna do it today and tomorrow and the next tomorrow and the next tomorrow and forever and those little changes over time will absolutely mean that you're headed in a bit of a different direction and that's where change really does happen. So let's jump into the ideas. So one of the things that we do in our family is to say good night to our phones. We put them in phone jail which is a charging station which is in a room in the house that nobody sleeps in. Our phones go to bed, they have a bedtime. One of my daughters is in charge of this process. Kids love a responsibility and it means it's more likely to happen because she's in charge of it. She wants us to put our phones away as well as her. This has kind of dual benefits. One is that it means that we're not looking at our phones lasting at night which tends to improve our sleep and when we get to bed earlier which is great for our wellbeing. But also it does create a little bit of extra time. So being able to give yourself a little bit of me time each day is a really, really nice aspiration when you might read or maybe you will do that yoga or perhaps you're someone who likes to crochet or just sit with a cup of tea or whatever it might be but a little bit of me time is a really, really precious thing. But where do you find the time? But what we found is if we put our phones away a bit before we go to bed suddenly there is a little bit of time that time when you might have been mindlessly scrolling is suddenly available. So I tend to use that time personally for reading. One of my daughters does love to crochet. We all do different things but it's our time and we've carved it out of nowhere just by not having our phones glued to us. So saying goodnight to your phone is suggestion number one. Gestion number two is about scheduling quality time or kind of golden time with the people that you really care about and love. And yeah, this one is a little bit about trying to magic time that we might not feel we have but it's about recognising that we feel good when we connect with and spend good time with the people that we really love, cherish, enjoy. But it can be hard to spend that quality time together but particularly when it comes to family there might be kind of a quantity of time. And it's about just saying, well, at this point we're going to really focus in on having a really good time together. So rather than just being present with each other this is a time when perhaps you'll introduce a few rules maybe this is a time when we don't use our screens or we're not thinking about the news and we're really, really wholly focused on kind of fun family activities or whatever works for you and yours really. But it's, you know, when we schedule that time in and we make a commitment and that time we're not going to be distracted by work or the outside world we're just enjoying each other's company. It gives a very, very different feeling to that time. And it's not about scheduling out a week or even a day this might be half an hour on a Saturday afternoon when your child or your best friend or your partner gets your undivided attention and you're going to really enjoy that time together. The reason that I talk about scheduling it in is just really taking those skills that we're pretty good at in the workplace and applying them to our day-to-day life. And also because when we have that intention like intention planning is a really, really powerful thing. And that's when we say, I'm going to do this thing in this way with this person at this time. And the more that we plan what and how we're going to do and who we're with and where and all those answers then the more likely we are to actually follow through with it. Having a loose intention that, oh, at some time this weekend I'm going to spend an hour with my daughter and we're going to really have a nice time together. It probably just won't happen. It gets kind of put off and put off. But if you've said, hey, Lucy, how about at four o'clock we'll go for that walk and feed the ducks and it's just you and me and we'll leave our phones at home and then suddenly it's much more likely that you'll actually follow through with it. So I'm a big fan of jettling stuff in. Maybe that's because I'm autistic and I like things to be planned and organized too. But, you know, you do it in the way that works for you but intention planning will mean you're more likely to follow through for sure. Tip number three is one that always goes down really brilliantly when I teach it and I teach it in lots of different contexts. And that is to write a to don't list. Yes, you did hear that correctly, a to don't list. So not a list of things to do but actually a list of things you're gonna stop doing. Things you no longer need to do. Things which have crept onto your to do list because they are somebody else's to do's and then nothing to do with you. Actually just taking a look at all the tasks that you are expecting to do daily, weekly, monthly and working out what you can let go of is one of the easiest ways of gaining some time in your life. It can also during this activity help to give you some perspective on what are the things that are filling your day, which of them really matter to you and then you can focus in on the ones that do really matter and we can give them a bit more of our attention and time and that can feel good too. And letting go of the ones that really aren't having an impact or making a difference to us day to day or helping to take us towards our eventual goal. Again, that can make a difference. Giving us a bit of freedom from the many, many, many things we feel we need to do and just focusing in on those that really matter can fundamentally change how things feel day to day. This is particularly helpful, important, life changing if you are someone who takes on many tasks of others and that might be within a family situation and it might be that there's delegation that can happen within the family. It is great for partners, for children, for other family members to take on some responsibilities. These are important learning and growth opportunities for them, equally in a work situation, perhaps you're someone who does all the things and you're not delegating there either. And if that's happening at work, then again, you are preventing people from having those important learning and growth opportunities of taking on tasks. So think about what can be passed back. Where it is simply that you're inheriting stuff that people don't really wanna do and say they're asking you to do it, then the question should become, how important is that task? Does it matter to me? I find this in particular with emails. I always think about emails as somebody else's to-do list. So I come to them last, actually, because I should be driven by my agenda and what needs to happen next according to the priorities that I have set and that matter for me and my community, not from the random asks and questions and tasks that are coming in in the inbox. So there's loads really to think about there, but think about writing a to-don't list. What can you stop doing that you've been doing? And when you're really honest with yourself, it is curious quite how many things that you've just been doing every day, every week, every month, every half-term as standard, which when you really stop and think about it, you don't really need to be doing. And it does take a really hard, honest look to be able to appraise that and let go of stuff that you might have done in a certain way for a really long time. But if it's really not driving you towards your goals or not filling you with joy or otherwise good, then just stop. The next idea is around sleep. Sleep really, really matters and being able to have enough and good enough sleep makes a big difference. And this idea is around upgrading your sleep space. So actually just looking at where you go to sleep and what small changes you might be able to make to make that space feel more conducive to sleep. So these are things like just making sure it's tidy because being in a tidy space that feels good for you, however you like things arranged will mean that you are more able to settle and go to sleep. It can be difficult to sleep amongst chaos or dirt. You might then also be thinking about things like the temperature and do you have the right bedding? Are you cool enough? Are you warm enough? Do you have comfortable pajamas? I'm a really big fan of having really, really nice pajamas that feel good. So can you do anything in that regard? The other thing when it comes to our sleep space is trying to keep it solely for sleep. And I appreciate that some people don't have lots of different spaces within their home that they can use and your sleep space, your bedroom, might need to be dual purpose. If that's the case, thinking about even in a really small space how you might be able to kind of zone it, it can really help with our sleep. The reason for this is because what we need is that when we get into bed, our brain goes, ah, yes, this is the place where we rest and we go to sleep and we begin to release all the right hormones and begin to feel sleepy and we've got those learned responses and that's all lovely and we go to sleep relatively easily. If however your bed is also the place where you work or you socialize and this is something we need to teach our kids as well, then actually our brain doesn't quite know that, ah, yeah, this is the place where we rest, particularly if we spend a lot of time in bed when we're kind of anxious or really excited. That's the opposite of the feelings that we're trying to provoke when we want to rest and go to sleep. So zoning our sleep space, making our space really, really, primarily for sleeping, even if that means that in the corner of the bedroom is the place where we work or we socialize can make a big difference. But yeah, just take a look at your room and just think, are there any simple changes I can make to make this place feel good? You wanna create in an ideal world like a sanctuary, somewhere lovely that you look forward to going to in the evening because sleep is the thing that will make the biggest difference to how you feel each day and your ability to cope and your ability to thrive. And so creating a place that you look forward to going to where you can really wind down and relax and get some good sleep will make a massive, massive difference. Idea number five is taking mini mindful moments. So this isn't about me saying to you, hey, invest loads and loads of your time in meditation and mindfulness, so that totally works for some people. This is about recognizing that if you're really busy and you don't have extra minutes in the day and maybe you don't have an inclination to do big mindfulness, then you can still make a difference to how you think and feel throughout the day by just taking little moments of mini mindfulness or kind of little mini resets. So these help to keep us emotionally regulated and it's about squeezing them in with things that we're already doing. So maybe for example, you might occasionally get the opportunity to drink a cup of tea or a cup of coffee and you might decide that maybe just even for a few sips of that you're gonna really focus in on the smell, the taste, how that feels, just drinking it mindfully, really kind of get yourself involved with that cup of coffee even just for the first few sips, allowing all the other thoughts just to drift by while you focus in on that cup. Or it might be that you decide that when you have your shower in the morning that you are going to make that a time that's just about you and about self-care. And again, you're gonna let all other thoughts drift away. You're not gonna engage with your to-do list for the day. You're gonna think about the smell and the feel of the soap and the suds in the shower and you're just going to really enjoy and engage with that moment of showering. The easiest way to have these kind of mini mindful moments is just to think about your day and what you do every day anyway. And if there are moments in your day when you could just focus in on being a little bit mindful for even a moment or two. So these might be moments when you're walking between places, having a cup of tea, brushing your teeth. Any really simple regular activities that you might just be able to do in a slightly different way. And the general rule is about stopping thinking about all of the other things, pushing those thoughts away or allowing them just to drift on by, noticing them but letting them pass on by while you focus in on the here and the now and how that feels and what's going on for you and just being a bit curious about your body but having no expectations on yourself being productive or leaning into the thinking or making your to-do list just being for a few moments. Those mini moments of mindfulness, those mini moments of freedom can really help us to sit forward with that kind of emotional regulation. They give our body and our brain just a moment to go Okay, I'm good. It's like resting in between exercise and then we're ready to go again. So they don't need to be long. They don't need to be intense. You don't need to do anything special other than take an activity you're doing anyway and just doing it in a mindful way. So maybe that will work for you. Idea number six is just ab music. So this is about taking stuff we're doing anyway and giving it a soundtrack because music can feel really good. Music can make us feel different things depending on the music and how we want to be made to feel. So you might choose to have a calming playlist to accompany you in some activities but other times you might want to feel excited and happy and energized. So things that I will often do is I will often have a calming music playing in the background, if I'm reading just to really kind of add to that experience of calm and getting lost in other worlds. But on the other hand, if I'm cooking and I'm in the kitchen and particularly if I'm on my own doing that then I'm gonna put on something like a musical soundtrack and I might be singing along to songs from Matilda or something like that just because that's fun and nobody's watching and nobody's listening and it makes it feel really, really good. And it can take a really mundane activity. It doesn't have to be mundane but it can take an activity that has the potential to be mundane like cooking or cleaning or other daily tasks that you find yourself doing and turn them into something that can actually be really, really good fun. So thinking about how you might add music or other soundtracks into your day-to-day life with things that you're doing anyway in order to help you to feel the things that you might want to feel. So you could think about that when you're doing tasks around the home. You could think about that during any kind of commute time having perhaps headphones in and listening to music or even an uplifting podcast or something that makes you think and feel differently or in your car alongside you as you do whatever you like. But just again, just noticing where these opportunities are where you're doing things and they're not necessarily making you feel anything much but they have the potential to if you just added a little bit of music. Music can make a huge, huge difference to how we feel. So let's use it to our advantage. The final idea about kind of self-care for us if we're really, really busy is to hobby alongside our children. And this is something that ticks so many boxes. It's not funny if you can find the time and you do have to find a little bit of time to do this. But this is about taking a hobby or an activity that both you and your child enjoy and actually making a little bit of time to do that together. This is positive in terms of your relationship with your child. So it's a really, really good investment of time. It's really great in terms of role modeling to your child. So don't pick something that you're really good at necessarily. Your child seeing you learning, trying, failing these are really good things for them to see how you manage. How do you problem solve? What do you do next when you need help with something? How do you pick yourself up and find that resilience that you need to keep on trying? So that can be helpful. Also, it's just really good quality time and any kind of activity that we're doing alongside our child can create a really good environment for conversations to happen and for relationships to deepen. These kind of hobbies and activities as well as long as you pick something that you have at least some degree of interest in doing or that might bring you some sort of joy or fulfillment are great for our wellbeing in and of their own right and are something that we would often recommend that you would do in order to promote your own wellbeing. Just adding doing it alongside your child means somehow it may be a little bit easier to find the time because you're killing two birds with one stone and it also has so many more additional benefits because you're doing it together and you've got that connection and that relationship. Also, some of the activities that your child might be doing anyway, you might be acting as kind of taxi driver. So instead of sitting in the car for an hour, why not actually join in with the activity? It is also something that you could think about if you do have a hobby or an activity that you are regularly or semi-regularly or you'd like to try again to be regularly engaging with that you could invite your child along to engage in with you. So in our family, I love to climb and I have found that particularly now that my children are homeschooling, it can be a little bit more challenging to find the time to do that because I'm often supporting them. However, climbing is a really great activity for my children to do. They enjoy it. It's really good for their problem-solving skills and a great physical activity for them now that they're not doing games at school. So we go together and we have a really, really fantastic time and that means that I get to do the thing that I love. It's really good for my physical and mental wellbeing but also it's good for theirs too and we have some really great conversations and fun whilst we are there. So it's just something to think about. Is it possible for you to hobby alongside your children? It's so much easier often for us as parents, as carers, as caring adults to make the time for something that we know will benefit our children rather than to make the time for something that will benefit ourselves. So if we can do something that's gonna benefit our children and has a side helping of benefiting ourselves, perhaps we'll find a way to shoehorn it into our busy, busy lives. So I hope there were some ideas in here that you thought that you could pick up and take away. It's never about doing them all. It's about picking something so small that feels totally doable today, tomorrow, the next day and trying to stick with it. This will work best if you do go really small. Just pick something tiny. Don't try to do it all and do it with a smile on your face. Don't be doing this like having prejudged ideas about how this should work but do what's gonna feel good for you. It's not about what feels good for me and my family or other people. This is about what feels good for you and your family and your setting. The other bit of advice I would give is when we're trying to make changes no matter how small, it can sometimes just take a little while to begin to see the difference. So try to stick with it just for a little while and then be curious, is this having an impact? Is this making me feel a little bit better? Is this ultimately a good use of my time? If you would like to support my work, there are three different ways you can do that. One, you can share what I'm doing. Share it on your social media. Share it in your emails. Share it by word of mouth. Let people know what I'm doing. The further that my work goes, the happier I am and you're always welcome to use my stuff to support the children and young people in your lives and those who work with or care for them. The other way you can support me is to join me on Patreon where you can donate a pound a month towards the work that I'm doing in order just to share a bit of support. I'm really, really grateful of my Patreon supporters. It just feels like a little vote of confidence each time somebody new joins that little but growing community. And then the other way that you can support my work is to invite me to speak at your setting or your next event. I love the opportunity to come and talk with you and those you work with. So that's another option as well. I hope there was some good ideas in here. I look forward to speaking with you again next week. Do let me know if you have topics you would particularly like to see me cover and please, please be kind to yourselves in the meantime. Until next time, over.