 J. E. Health Health, oh! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Kenny Baker, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with no wonder. Well, here we are at the beginning of another year, and Jell-O wants to send greetings to all of you. And we've received a letter that makes a swell New Year's greeting for us. It's from a woman who's been using Jell-O year in and year out for the past 37 years. She is Mrs. C. C. Brown of Huntington, West Virginia, and listen to what she writes. We bought our first package of Jell-O in December, 1902. We lived in the country then and made few trips to a store, so the Jell-O was a bit of a luxury, saved for the holiday gathering of kin and friends. Needless to say, Jell-O made a hit, and we've used it exclusively ever since. When I had my own home, I wanted something special, nothing so filled the requirements as Jell-O. In all those 37 years of use, I've never had a package that wasn't perfect, and Jell-O is a prime favorite with my family. Well, thank you, Mrs. Brown. That's a grand letter to start us off on 1939, and to the rest of you, we'd like to say, if you wanna give your family their prime favorite dessert, if you want to enjoy that delicious, extra-rich fruit flavor, look for the big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O. Ladies and gentlemen, this being the first day of the New Year, it behooves me to introduce the star of this program in a manner befitting his dignity and position. Well... He is a man whose illustrious character and many fine qualities have my sincere admiration. Oh, Don, please. A man whose lovable nature and unselfish devotion to others. Say, Jack. Quiet, Mary, I wanna hear this. Go ahead, Don. Whose unselfish devotion to others has endeared him to the hearts of his public. How true. So I bring you none other than that sparkling, scintillating, outstanding personality. That's not me, I'll kill myself. Jack Benny. Jell-O again, this is Jack Benny talking, one of the sweetest guys I've ever met. And, Don, I wanna thank you for that beautiful introduction. You know, as a rule, a man has to be dead before he gets such a lovely tribute. Well, I wrote it just before the broadcast while you were lying down. Oh, you didn't expect me to get up, eh? Well, I am pretty tired after last night. Hey, by the way, Don, what did you do New Year's Eve? Did you have any fun? Oh, I had a swell time, Jack, simply wonderful. That's good. First, I took my wife to a movie and then we went to the coconut grove to celebrate. Well, that was nice. First a picture and then the coconut grove. I suppose you danced a lot. No, my wife left her shoes in the movies. Well, there's nothing like relaxing at the cinema. I often slip my shoes off myself, but I'm getting so absent-minded I'm not gonna do it anymore. You're not. No, the other night at Grumman's Chinese, I was cleared down to my underwear before the usher stopped me. Oh, it was embarrassing. I can imagine. Well, tell me, Jack, how did you spend New Year's Eve? Any excitement last night? Well, I had a fairly good time, Don. I took Mary to the Wilshire Bowl, you know, where Phil Harris is playing. Oh, you did? Say, you had a pretty good time in my place last night, didn't you, Jackson? Yes, I had a nice time, Philson. But as long as it was your place, you might have seen that I got a decent table. What are you talking about? You're talking about your time, but it wasn't. I was so far from the bandstand, I couldn't even see the circles under your eyes. It was a fine table. Oh, you're exaggerating, Jack. There were a lot of people sitting behind you. Listen, Phil, the only people sitting behind me were from Pasadena, and they were home at the time. What a New Year's Eve. Well, Jack, maybe Phil couldn't help it. New Year's Eve was a big night, and after all, first come, first serve. That's what burns me up, and I'm not gonna lie to you that's what burns me up, Don. I was the first one in the place. I got there so early, the manager asked me to help blow up the balloons. How do you like that? Well, you got paid for it, didn't you? That's not the point. Now, let me tell you another thing, Phil. I don't mind my table being far away, but the next time you seat me behind a post, please see that there's a knot hole in it. Behind a post? What are you talking about? Oh, never mind. Hello, Jack. Happy New Year. Hmm, happy New Year. I was just telling Phil about the fine table he gave us last night. Imagine seating us behind a post. It burns me up. You're crazy, Jack. We weren't behind a post. We weren't. No, that was a piece of confetti on your glasses. Why didn't you tell me I nearly broke my neck trying to peek around it? Anyway, post or no post, we were certainly sitting far enough away from everything. Well, I'm glad we were. I was so ashamed sitting next to you with that old-fashioned tuxedo you had on. Why don't you buy a new one? Oh, how often do I wear a tuxedo? Besides, it isn't so old. It isn't. No. Go on, I put my hand in your pocket and pulled out a program from Ford's Theater. Listen, Mary, that suit might be a little out of style, but they're still wearing single-breasted tuxedo. Now, listen, Mary, that suit might be a little out of style, but they're still wearing single-breasted tuxedo. Not with a belt in the back. Well, they're coming back, so don't be so smart. Mary's right, Jack. Oh, she is. Your pants were so tight you had to wear your garters on the outside. Well, listen, maestro, one more crack out of you and you'll be leading the organ on the Lumman Abner program. And another thing, Phil, the next time I dance by your orchestra, watch your baton. Remember that. Okay, buddy. Hmm, buddy yet. Incidentally, fellas, this being the new year, I was going to give you all a raise and salary, but the way you've been acting today, I'm not going to do it. I'd be satisfied just to get my regular salary on time. Now, wait a minute, Phil. Don't give me that. I put your check in the mail every Monday morning. Well, from now on, don't pin it on a postcard. I don't want people to know what I'm making. All right, Phil. Cut out the beef. Let's see if we can't inaugurate the new year with a little harmony. Oh, Jack, you want to hear something awful? What, Mary? Here it is, New Year's, and I forgot to write a poem about it. Oh, that's a shame. I'll sit right down and dash one off. Okay, hurry it up. I'll fill in a little time for you, Mary. Ladies and gentlemen, while Miss Livingston is struggling with her latest brainchild, let me remind you that one of the best ways to start out the new year is to have jello for dessert. Darn this pin. It is tempting, delicious, easy to make, and comes in six delicious flavors. Hey, Jack, how'd he spell knowledge with an enteric K? With a K. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry. With a capital K? Orange? Yes, a capital K. Lemon and lime for heaven's sake. I'm sorry, Don. And now, folks, going from the... All right, Jack, I'm all set. Why, Mary, is your poem finished already? Yeah. Gee, you work faster than George Bernard Shaw. Well, his beard gets in his way. Oh, that's right. What's the title of your poem? Goodbye, 1938, hello, 1939. Well, that covers everything. Go ahead. Oh, happy new year, happy new year. Please don't be a sad and blue year. These last 12 months have been sublime. So goodbye, 38, hello, 39. Well, so far, nobody is screaming. You just wait. Oh. I wonder who this coming year will be our favorite movie star. Will it be Garbo or Sonya Hiney? So goodbye, 38, hello, 39-y. 90? What has this year in store for us? For thee and thou, and thy and thus. Will Don get fatter, will Phil be gay? Will Kenny get knowledge with a capital K? I doubt it. I'd like to ask you if I dare. Will Jack continue to lose his hair? Mary. And when it's gone, will it stay away? Goodbye, 38, hello, toupee. Mary, get to the last verse, will you? It's coming up now. That's good. Oh, happy new year, happy new year. Please don't be a sad and blue year. We will give you one more chance. So goodbye, Broadway, hello, France. Well, Mary, you finally did it. Hey, Phil, do you think you can follow Mary's poem with a number? I'll try. Okay, hit it, boys. Wait a minute. Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes. Oh, happy new year, happy new year. Two of the greatest men I know. And I bring you fondest greetings. There's a wagon. I must go. Well, I'm glad they let him out for our program. Play, Phil. Kiss played by Phil Harris and his original orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen... Original? Wait a minute, Jack. This isn't the band I started out with. I don't mean that, Phil. I mean, when they look at their music, they still play something original. And speaking of the band, Phil, you'll think that they could start out the new year by dressing a little better. Where'd they get those awful-looking neckties? Aren't they atrocious? They certainly are. Where'd they get them? I gave them to them for Christmas. Oh. And say, and that reminds me, Phil, I was some Christmas present you sent me. You must have been under the weather when you bought it. Oh, no, I wasn't. I was sober as a judge when I bought your gift. You were not. I was, too. Then let me ask you something. What use have I got for a porthole? Let a fine present marry a porthole. Well, if your head gets any bigger, you can use it for a monocle. All right. Don't make it any worse than it is. Oh, hello, Kenny. Hiya, Jack. Happy New Year. Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Well, Kenny, I see you're still celebrating. You must have had a good time last night. I'll say, I didn't get to bed until 10 o'clock. Gosh, I'm a wreck. Kenny, how can you be a wreck if you went to bed at 10 o'clock? I slept in a folding bed, and I forgot to pull it down. Well, it's none of my business, Kenny, but would you mind telling me how you got into a folding bed without pulling it down first? I'm not going to tell till I get it patented. Oh, that's right. Guard your secret carefully. And stop blowing that horn. Well, I'm practicing for the Rose Bowl game at Pasadena tomorrow. Say, are you going, Jack? I certainly am. I wouldn't miss it for anything. Hey, Mary, I got a couple of good seats. You want to go with me? No. I went with you last year, and you were the only one in the stand wearing a raccoon coat and a beanie. Well? And the way you were waving that pendant around, I was so embarrassed. Well, what's wrong with waving a pendant? You're said, well, I'll kick in high school on it. All right. You don't have to go with me. I'll take somebody else. You want to go with me, Kenny? Sure, but I'll have to bring my girl along. Well, I don't see how, Kenny. I've only got two seats. Well, I'll invite her anyway. Maybe we can lose her in the crowd. Yes, that ought to solve our problem. Incidentally, I mislaid my ticket somewhere in the house. I hope Rochester finds them. Hey, Jack, who do you pick to win the game? Duke or USC? Well, Phil, I'm a USC man myself, and I think it's a cinch for them to win. Oh, you do, eh? Well, how much do you want to bet? I didn't say anything about betting, Phil. I just told you who was going to win. Well, if you're so sure about it, why don't you want to bet? Because gambling is naughty. And you know it. You mean because you're a scaredy cat? Scaredy cat? Listen, Harris, what are the odds on the game? Two to one on USC. All right, wise gal, bet you 20 cents to a dime and put up or shut up. Well, what are you stalling for, Harris? He's afraid if he wins, you'll fire him. That's it. I thought you'd well, Shana. 20 cents to a dime. Make that $100 to $15 and you got a bet. Don't try to show off, Phil. You had your chance. Now, let's drop it. You know, I don't think Jack wanted to bet at all. Think. Kenny, your job on this program is to sing. Well, I can have a hobby, can't I? You better stick to stamps, Kenny, and go ahead with your song so we can get to do our play tonight. Okay. Hold it a minute. That must be Rochester. I asked him to call me. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny. This is Rochester. Yeah, I was waiting for your call. Did you find my two tickets for the Rose Bowl game? No, I look high and low. I can't find them anywhere. Oh, Ghana, that's a shame. Well, keep on looking. They might be in the house. They must be in the house someplace. Okay. So long. So long. See, boys, can I have them all off? I got to go to a wedding in Pasadena. A wedding in Pasadena? Tell me, Rochester, who's getting married? What was that, boys? I said, who's getting married in Pasadena tomorrow? Oh, hand them mine. And Andy, yours, eh? Who's she marrying? Some fellow that's going to be my uncle. I see. Now, at what time does this wedding take place? They kick off at 1.30. What's that? What did you say? Nothing. Keep quiet, Operator. Rochester, there was no operator on the line. Now, you found those Rose Bowl tickets, didn't you? Well, I... You found those tickets, didn't you? Am I on those? Answer me, did you or did you not find those tickets? Sing, Kenny. Listen, Rochester, when I get home tonight, I want to find those two tickets on the dresser in my bedroom. Okay, boys. Happy New Year. Go ahead and sing, Kenny, that Rochester. The only way I can keep things in my house is to nail him down. That I will offer you is as great as a love can be. Words couldn't quite promise you with heart sincere. I promise you, sung by Kenny Baker. And Kenny, that was very good for a fellow who stayed up until 10 o'clock, and your voice hardly showed it. Oh, I'll pull myself together in a couple days. I hope so. And Kenny, if you got to bed at 10 o'clock last night, how'd you get those awful circles under your eyes? I painted them on. Ain't I nuts? You sure are. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our feature attraction this evening... I was going to paint wrinkles on my forehead, but my mother wouldn't let me. Well, she was right. And now, ladies and gentlemen... If I was Kenny's mother, I'd trade him in for an Airdale. Now, Mary, Kenny's mother wouldn't do that. And now, folks... We've got an Airdale! All right, all right. If you two will quiet down, I'd like to get on with our play. And now, folks... You know something, Kenny, I never met your mother. Well, you didn't? For heaven's sake, who cares? Now, let's get on with the play. Everybody's butting in here, but done. Well, I met Mrs. Baker. Oh. Well, I'm very happy to know it. And now, folks, going from Mrs. Baker to our feature attraction of the evening, this being the first day of the new year, tonight we're going to present an original play, a sort of a New Year's fantasy, entitled The New Tenant, or Goodbye, 38, Hello, 39. You stole that from my poem. Mary, that was just a coincidence, believe me. Now, in this fantasy, I will play the part of 1938. And Mary... You know, Jack, I read this play four times, and I still can't understand it. Well, in the first place, Kenny, our play is a little too deep. And in the second place, you're a little dope. Now, I will be 1938, and Mary will be Mrs. 1938, my loving, loyal wife. And we have 12 children. What are you laughing at? I don't know. It's censored. And keep still. Now, our play opens in the home of Mr. and Mrs. 1938, who live in a big, round house called the Earth. It is almost midnight on December 31, and their lease is about to expire. Curtain Music. Now, Mariah, Mariah... What do you want, Pa? Better hurry up with that packing. The landlord said we've got to get out by midnight on the new tenant. The new tenant? Who is he? Oh, some little nudist by the name of 39. He don't know what he's getting into, does he, Ma? Nope. This house sure has been a mess, ain't it? You said it. Remember a couple of months ago when the bathtub ran over and got New England soaking wet? I sure do. And say, Pa, what about the time last spring when the roof leaked and we had a hang of Los Angeles out to dry? Wasn't that awful? Yep. Hey, Pa, turn on the moon. I can't see what I'm packing here. Hey, moon. What do you want, you old fossil? I want some light down here and quit winking at my wife. Okay. Say, you want some milk, too? Milk? Yeah, a cow just jumped over me. Well, I'll be darned. Quit gabbing, Pa. We ain't got much time. That's right. Darn those shooting stars. They're having a feud again. Doggone it, Pa. Even with all our troubles, I kind of hate to leave here. So do I. After all, we did have a lot of fun. Remember the time that scallywag Howard Hughes flew around our house in five and a half days? Do I? He sure had me dizzy. And then that fellow Corrigan, he started to fly from the kitchen to the parlor and the dirt fool ended up on the back porch. Say, Pa, did you pack up all the swing music? I'm doing it now. Flatfoot fluji with the Floyd Floyd. Might as well take that with us. Say, Morse, five minutes to 12, we better start rounding up the kids. Where are they? Well, January, February, March, they're outside playing on a cloud. Oh, where's April? He's taking a shower. Oh, he's always doing that. The rest of them around here someplace. Well, tell them to stick close. We're going to leave in just a few minutes. I wonder who that can be? I'll go over and see. A tis gift, a tis gift. Boy, am I sick of that. Well, well, look who's here. Who is it, Pa? It's old man Mars from across the Milky Way. Hiya, Mars. Hiya, neighbor. Heard you were leaving tonight, so thought I'd drop over and say goodbye. Well, that was mighty sweet of you. Say, I sure handed you a scare a couple of months ago, didn't I? You certainly? Hey, what was the big idea anyway? Well, I really didn't mean it. I was lighting a cigarette, and I reached down in the Hudson River to put the match out. And what happened? Well, my hand slipped, and I gave New Jersey a hot foot. You sure did. Say, Mars, you'll have to excuse me now. It's almost midnight, and I got to be getting out of here. So long. So long? Oh, say, I got my rocket ship outside. Can I give you a lift anywhere? No, thanks. We'll be all right. Say, those rocket ships smoke a lot, don't they? Yeah, the exhaust pipes are bad. I just flew by heaven, and now angels really got dirty-facing. Well, if you pass by the other place, give my regards to Fred Allen. So long, Mars. So long! Well, ma, it's almost midnight, so put on that silly hat of yours, and let's get going. Okay, Pa. Hmm, there's the first stroke of 12. I wonder what's keeping the new tenant. Don't worry, he'll be here. Doggone, Mars, I forgot to find out where we're moving to. Thought you bought a place over on Jupiter. No, but I took a look at Venus. Times are fleeting, but we can't leave until that little brat gets here. That must be him now. Yep. Come in. Well, hello, young fella. Are you the little new year? I ain't Bobby Breen. Well, well, my boy, come right in. Well, this is it, young man. Tell me, what do you think of your new home? Boy, what a dump. This house could stand a lot of fixing up. I know it, son. A lot of things wrong here, my boy. Yes, sir, e. That Spanish shawl on the piano there is all ripped and torn. Need a lot of mending. And another thing, that China is just about all smashed to pieces. While I think of it, son, if you see some little lost sheep roaming about, try and find a place for them around a house somewhere. I'll do what I can. For heaven's sake, let's get going. Just a second, ma'am. Now, there's just one more thing, young fella. What's that? It may not sound like much, but it's a mighty big issue. Your greatest worry, my boy, is going to be to pick out a Scarlet O'Hara. That had me groggy all year. Come on, Pa, you're talking too much. I'm coming, ma'am. Say, young fella, if you want any jello, you'll find plenty in the pantry. Thanks, old timer. You're welcome. Happy New Year, young fella. Happy New Year. It's what the whole family will enjoy, and it's easy to prepare. It's jello butterscotch pudding. And until you've tried it, you don't know just how delicious a pudding dessert can be. Creamy smooth, rich, and tasty, with that real old-fashioned butterscotch flavor that will bring the family back for more. Then try the new jello vanilla pudding, tempting, delicate, and full-flavored. And the jello chocolate pudding, smooth and chocolatey, the kind that mother used to make, but far quicker and easier. For all three jello puddings, take next to no time to prepare. There's only a few minutes cooking required. You'll find the simple directions on every package. And these new puddings will be a real surprise to you, for they're just as good as your own, made with the same fine, wholesome ingredients, with the taste and texture you'll say is perfect. The best way to buy is to get three packages at a time. So ask your grocer for jello butterscotch, vanilla, and a chocolate pudding. The real homemade kind. This is the last number of the 14th program in the new jello series. And we will be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. Are you listening, Tommy? And now, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to announce that in response to many, many requests, and owing to a renewed and timely interest, we are again going to present our version of Walt Disney's famous picture, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, next Sunday night. So if you missed it the first time, folks, be sure and tune in. And if you heard it, tune in anyway, as we're going to have a brand new Prince Charming. Guess who, folks? Oh, Andy, you gave it away. Good night, folks. 12 A.M. for courtesy of Marvel Law Art Productions.