 IV. A letter to David Grayson Esquire of Hemfield, U.S.A. My dear sir, although my name appears on the title page, the real author of this book is Miss Helen McGill, now Mrs. Roger Mifflin, who told me the story with her own inimitable vivacity. And on her behalf I want to send you these few words of acknowledgement. Mrs. Mifflin, I need hardly say, is unskilled in the arts of authorship. This is her first book and I doubt whether she will ever write another. She hardly realized, I think, how much her story owes to your own delightful writings. There used to be a well-thumbed copy of Adventures in Contentment on her table at the Sabine Farm, and I have seen her pick it up after a long day in the kitchen, read it with chuckles, and say that the story of you and Harriet reminded her of herself and Andrew. She used to mutter something about Adventures in Discontentment and ask why Harriet's side of the matter was never told. And so when her own adventure came to pass, and she was urged to put it on paper, I think she unconsciously adopted something of the manner and matter that you have made properly yours. Surely, sir, you will not disown so innocent a tribute. At any rate, Miss Harriet Grayson, whose excellent qualities we have all so long admired, will find, in Mrs. Mifflin, a kindred spirit. Mrs. Mifflin would have said this for herself, with her characteristic definitiveness of speech, had she not been out of touch with her publishers and fool's cap paper. She and the Professor are on their Parnassus, somewhere on the High Roads, happily engrossed in the most godly diversion known to man, selling books. And I venture to think that there are no volumes they take more pleasure in recommending than the wholesome and invigorating books which bear your name. Believe me, dear Mr. Grayson, with warm regards, faithfully yours. Christopher Moorley CHAPTER I I wonder if there isn't a lot of bunkum in higher education. I never found that people who were learned in logarithms and other kinds of poetry were any quicker in washing dishes or darning socks. I've done a good deal of reading when I could, and I don't want to admit impediments to the love of books, but I've also seen lots of good, practical folk spoiled by too much fine print. Reading sonnets always gave me the hiccups too. I never expected to be an author, but I do think there are some amusing things about the story of Andrew and myself and how books broke up our placid life. When John Gutenberg, whose real name, so the professor says, was John Gooseflesh, borrowed that money to set up his printing press, he launched a lot of troubles on the world. Andrew and I were wonderfully happy on the farm until he became an author. If I could have foreseen all the bother his writings were to cause us, I would certainly have burnt the first manuscript in the kitchen stove. Andrew McGill, the author of those books, everyone reads, is my brother. In other words, I am his sister ten years younger. Years ago Andrew was a businessman, but his health failed, and, like so many people in the story books, he fled to the country, or, as he called it, to the bosom of nature. He and I were the only ones left in an unsuccessful family. I was slowly perishing as a conscientious governess in the brownstone region of New York. He rescued me from that, and we bought a farm with our combined savings. We became real farmers, up with the sun and to bed with the same. Andrew wore overalls in a soft shirt and grew brown and tough. My hands got red and blue with soaps, odds and frost. I never saw a red fern advertisement from one year's end to another, and my kitchen was a battlefield, where I set my teeth and learned to love hard work. Our literature was Government Agriculture Reports, Patent Medicine Almanacs, Seedsman's Books, and Sears-Robuck Catalogs. We subscribed to farm and fireside and read the serials aloud. Every now and then, for real excitement, we read something stirring in the Old Testament, that cheery book Jeremiah, for instance, of which Andrew was very fond. The farm did actually prosper after a while, and Andrew used to hang over the pasture bars at sunset and tell from the way his pipe burned just what the weather would be the next day. As I have said, we were tremendously happy until Andrew got the fatal idea of telling the world how happy we were. I am sorry to have to admit he had always been, rather a bookish man. In his college days he had edited the student magazine, and sometimes he would get discontented with the farm and fireside serials and pulled down a bound volume of the college paper. He would read me some of his youthful poems and stories, and mutter vaguely about writing something himself some day. I was more concerned with sitting hens than with sonnets, and I am bound to say I never took these threats very seriously. I should have been more severe. Then Great Uncle Philip died and his carload of books came to us. He had been a college professor, and years ago when Andrew was a boy, Uncle Philip had been very fond of him, had in fact put him through college. We were the only near relatives, and all those books turned up one fine day. That was the beginning of the end, if I had only known it. Andrew had the time of his life building shelves around our living room, not content with that he turned the old henhouse into a study for himself, put in a stove, and used to sit there evenings after I had gone to bed. The first thing I knew he called the place Sabine Farm, although it had been known for years as Bog Hollow, because he thought it was a literary thing to do. He used to take a book along with him when he drove over to Redfield for supplies. Sometimes the wagon would be two hours late coming home, with old Ben loafing along between the shafts, and Andrew lost in his book. I didn't think much of all this, but I'm an easy-going woman, as long as Andrew kept the farm going I had plenty to do on my own hook. Hot bread and coffee, eggs and preserves for breakfast, soup and hot meat, vegetables, dumplings, gravy, brown bread and white, huckleberry pudding, chocolate cake, and buttermilk for dinner. Muffins, tea, sausage rolls, blackberries and cream and donuts for supper. That's the kind of menu I had been preparing three times a day for years. I hadn't any time to worry about what wasn't my business. And then one morning I caught Andrew doing up a big flat parcel for the postman. He looked so sheepish I just had to ask what it was. I've written a book, said Andrew, and he showed me the title page. Paradise Regained by Andrew McGill. Even then I wasn't much worried because, of course, I knew no one would print it. But Lord, a month or so later came a letter from a publisher accepting it. That's the letter Andrew keeps framed above his desk, just to show how such things sound. I'll copy it here. D. Cameron Jones and Company Publishers, Union Square, New York. January 13, 1907. Dear Mr. McGill. We have read with singular pleasure your manuscript, Paradise Regained. There is no doubt in our minds that so spirited an account of the joys of sane country living should meet with popular approval. And, with the exception of a few revisions and abbreviations, we would be glad to publish the book practically as it stands. We would like to have it illustrated by Mr. Tartone, some of whose work you may have seen, and would be glad to know whether he may call upon you in order to acquaint himself with the local color of your neighborhood. We would be glad to pay you a royalty of ten percent upon the retail price of the book, and we enclose duplicate contracts for your signature in case this proves satisfactory to you. Believe us, etc., etc. D. Cameron Jones and Company. I have since thought that Paradise Lost would have been a better title for that book. It was published in the autumn of 1907, and since that time our life has never been the same. By some mischance the book became the success of the season, and it was widely commended as a gospel of health and sanity, and Andrew received in almost every mail offers from publishers and magazine editors who wanted to get hold of his next book. It is almost incredible to what stratagems publishers will descend to influence an author. Andrew had written in Paradise Regained of the tramps who visit us, how quaint and appealing some of them are. Let me add how dirty. And how we never turned away anyone who seems worthy. Would you believe that in the spring after the book was published a disreputable-looking vagabond with a knapsack who turned up one day, blarneyed Andrew about his book and stayed overnight, announced himself at breakfast as a leading New York publisher? He had chosen this ruse in order to make Andrew's acquaintance. You can imagine that it didn't take long for Andrew to become spoiled at this rate. The next year he suddenly disappeared, leaving only a note on the kitchen table, and tramped all over the state for six weeks, collecting material for a new book. I had all I could do to keep him from going to New York, to talk to editors and people of that sort. Envelopes of newspaper cuttings used to come to him, and he would pour over them when he ought to have been plowing corn. Luckily the mailman comes along about the middle of the morning when Andrew is out in the fields, so I used to look over the letters before he saw them. After the second book, Happiness and Hacy, it was called, was printed, letters from publishers got so thick that I used to put them all in the stove before Andrew saw them, except those from D. Cameron Jones people, which sometimes held checks. Literary folk used to turn up now and then to interview Andrew, but I generally managed to head them off. But Andrew got to be less and less of a farmer and more and more of a literary man. He bought a typewriter. He would hang over the pigpen noting down adjectives for the sunset instead of mending the weather-vane on the barn which took a slew so that the north wind came from the southwest. He hardly ever looked at the Sears-Robuck catalogs any more, and after Mr. D. Cameron came to visit us and suggested that Andrew write a book of country poems, the man became simply unbearable. And all the time I was counting eggs and turning out three meals a day and running the farm when Andrew got a literary fit and would go off on some vagabond jaunt to collect adventures for a new book. I wish you could have seen the state he was in when he came back from these trips, hoboing along the roads without any money or a clean sock to his back. One time he returned with a cough you could hear to the other side of the barn, and I had to nurse him for three weeks. When somebody wrote a little booklet about the sage of Redfield and described me as a rural zanateep and the domestic balance wheel that kept the great writer close to the homely realities of life, I made up my mind to give Andrew some of his own medicine. And that's my story. CHAPTER 2 It was a fine crisp morning in fall, October, I dare say, and I was in the kitchen pouring apples for applesauce. We were going to have roast pork for dinner with boiled potatoes and what Andrew calls Van Dyke brown gravy. Andrew had driven over to town to get some flour and feed and wouldn't be back until noontime. Being a Monday, Mrs. McNally, the washer-woman, had come over to take care of the house. I had no idea what to do with the flour and feed and wouldn't be back until noontime. Being a Monday, Mrs. McNally, the washer-woman, had come over to take care of the washing. I remember I was just on my way out to the wood-pile for a few sticks of birch when I heard wheels turn at the gate. There was one of the fattest white horses I ever saw, and a queer wagon shaped like a van. A funny-looking little man with a red beard leaned forward from the seat and said something. I didn't hear what it was. I was looking at that preposterous wagon of his. It was colored a pale, robin's egg blue, and on the side in big scarlet letters was painted, R. Mifflin's Traveling Parnassus, Good Books for Sale, Shakespeare, Charles Lamb, R. L. S. Hazlett, and all others. Underneath the wagon, in slings, hung what looked like a tent, together with a lantern, a bucket, and other small things. The van had erased skylight on the roof something like an old-fashioned trolley-car, and from one corner went up a stovepipe. At the back was a door with little windows on each side and a flight of steps leading up to it. As I stood looking at this queer turnout, the little reddish man climbed down from in front and stood watching me. His face was a comic mixture of pleasant drollery and a sort of weather-beaten cynicism. He had a neat little russet beard and a shabby Norfolk jacket. His head was very bald. Is this where Andrew McGill lives? he asked. I admitted it. But he's away until noon, I added. He'll be back then. There's roast pork for dinner. And applesauce? said the little man. And applesauce and brown gravy, I said. That's why I'm sure he'll be home on time. Sometimes he's late when there's boiled dinner. But never on roast pork days. Andrew would never do for a rabbi. A sudden suspicion struck me. You're not another publisher, are you? I cried. What do you want with Andrew? I was wondering whether he wouldn't buy this outfit, said the little man, including with a wave of his hand, both van and white horse. As he spoke he released a hook somewhere and raised the whole side of his wagon like a flap. Some kind of catch clicked. The flap remained up like a roof, displaying nothing but books, rows and rows of them. The flank of his van was nothing but a big bookcase. Shelves stood above shelves, all of them full of books, both old and new. As I stood gazing he pulled out a printed card from somewhere and gave it to me. Roger Mifflin's Traveling Parnassus. Worthy friends my Wayne Doth hold, many a book both new and old, books the truest friends of man fill this rolling caravan, books to satisfy all uses, golden lyrics of the muses, books on cookery and farming, novels passionate and charming, every kind for every need, so that he who buys may read, what librarian can surpass us, Mifflin's Traveling Parnassus, by our Mifflin proprietor. Star-job print, Celrieville, Virginia. While I chuckled over this he had raised a similar flap on the other side of the Parnassus, which revealed still more shelves loaded with books. I'm afraid I am severely practical by nature. Well, I said, I should think you would need a pretty stout steed to lug that load along. It must weigh more than a coal wagon. Oh, Peg can manage it all right, he said. We don't travel very fast. But look here, I want to sell out. Do you suppose your husband would buy the outfit Parnassus, Pegasus and all? He's fond of books, isn't he? Hold on a minute, I said. Andrew's my brother, not my husband, but he's altogether too fond of books. Books will be the ruin of this farm pretty soon. He's mooning about over his books like a sitting hen about half of the time, when he ought to be mending harness. Lord, if he saw this wagon load of yours he'd be unsettled for a week. I have to stop the postman down the road and take all the publishers' catalogs out of the mail, so that Andrew don't see them. I might be glad he's not here now, I can tell you. I'm not literary as I said before, but I'm human enough to like a good book, and my eye was running along those shelves of his as I spoke. He certainly had a pretty miscellaneous collection. I noticed poetry, essays, novels, cookbooks, juveniles, schoolbooks, bibles, and what not, all jumbled together. While see here, said the little man, and about this time I noticed that he had the bright eyes of a fanatic. I've been cruising with this Parnassus going on seven years. I've covered the territory from Florida to Maine, and I reckon I've injected about as much good literature into the countryside as ever old Doc Elliott did with his five-foot shelf. I want to sell out now. I'm going to write a book about literature among the farmers, and want to settle down with my brother in Brooklyn and write it. I've got a sack full of notes for it. I guess I'll just stick around until Mr. McGill gets home and see if he won't buy me out. I'll sell the whole concern, horse, wagon, and books for four hundred dollars. I've read Andrew McGill's stuff and I reckon the propositional interest him. I've had more fun with this Parnassus than a barrel of monkeys. I used to be a schoolteacher till my health broke down. Then I took this up and I've made more than expenses and had the time of my life. Well, Mr. Mifflin, I said, if you want to stay around I guess I can't stop you, but I'm sorry you and your old Parnassus ever came this way. I turned on my heel and went back to my kitchen. I knew pretty well that Andrew would go up in the air when he saw that wagon load of books and one of those crazy cards with Mr. Mifflin's poetry on it. I must confess that I was considerably upset. Andrew is just as unpractical and fanciful as a young girl and always dreaming of new adventures and rambles around the country. If he ever saw that traveling Parnassus he'd fall for it like a snap. And I knew Mr. D. Cameron was after him for a new book anyway. I'd intercepted one of his letters suggesting another happiness and hayseed trip just a few weeks before. Andrew was away when the letter came. I had a suspicion what was in it, so I opened it, read it, and, well, burnt it. Heavens is though Andrew didn't have enough to do without mooting down the road like a tinker just to write another book about it. As I worked around the kitchen I could see Mr. Mifflin making himself at home. He unhitched his horse, tied her up to the fence, sat down by the wood-pile and lit a pipe. I could see he was in for it. By and by I couldn't stand it any longer. I went out to talk to that bald-headed peddler. See here, I said. You are a pretty cool fish to make yourself so easy in my yard. I tell you I don't want you around here. You and your traveling part cheesy. Suppose you clear out of here before my brother gets back and don't be breaking up our happy home. Miss McGill, he said. The man had a pleasant way with him, too, darn him, with his bright twinkling eye and his silly little beard. I'm sure I don't want to be discourteous. If you move me on from here, of course I'll go, but I warn you I shall lie and wait for Mr. McGill just down this road. I'm here to sell this caravan of culture, and by the bones of Swinburg I think your brother's the man to buy it. My blood was up now, and I'll admit that I said my next without proper calculation. Rather than have Andrew buy your old part cheesy, I said, I'll buy it myself. I'll give you three hundred for it. The little man's face brightened. He didn't either accept or decline my offer. I was frightened to death that he'd take me right on the nail, and, bang, would go my three years' savings for a Ford. Come here and have another look at her, he said. I must admit that Mr. Roger Mifflin had fixed up his fan mighty comfortable inside. The body of the wagon was built out on each side over the wheels, which gave it an unwieldy appearance, but made extra room for the bookshelves. This left an inside space about five feet wide and nine long. On one side he had a little oil stove, a flap table, and a cozy-looking bunk, above which was built a kind of chest of drawers, to hold clothes and such things, I suppose. On the other side more bookshelves, a small table, and a little wicker easy chair. Every possible inch of space seemed to be made useful in some way, for a shelf or a hook or a hanging cupboard or something. Above the stove was a neat little row of pots and dishes and cooking-usefuls. The raised skylight made it just possible to stand upright in the center aisle of the van, and a little sliding window opened onto the driver's seat in front. Altogether it was a very neat affair. The windows in front and back were curtained and a pot of geraniums stood on a diminutive shelf. I was amused to see a sandy Irish terrier curled up on a bright Mexican blanket in the bunk. Miss McGill, he said, I couldn't sell parnasses for less than four hundred. I've put twice that much into her one time and another. She's built clean and solid all through, and there's everything a man would need from blankets to bullion-cubes. The whole thing's yours for four hundred, including dog, cook-stove, and everything, jib, boom, and spanker. There's a tent in a sling underneath and an ice-box. He pulled up a little trap door under the bunk. And a tank of coal oil, and Lord knows what all. She's as good as a yacht, but I'm tired of her. If you're so afraid of your brother taking a fancy to her, why don't you buy her yourself and go off on a lark? Make him stay home and mind the farm. Tell you what I'll do. I'll start you on the road myself, come with you the first day, and show you how it works. You could have the time of your life in this thing and give yourself a fine vacation. It would give your brother a good surprise, too. Why not? I don't know whether it was the neatness of his absurd little van, or the madness of the whole proposition, or just the desire to have an adventure of my own and play a trick on Andrew. But, anyway, some extraordinary impulse seized me and I roared with laughter. Ha! Ha! Right, I said! I'll do it! I, Helen McGill, in the thirty-ninth year of my age. CHAPTER III Well, I thought, if I'm in for an adventure I may as well be spry about it. Andrew will be home by half-past twelve, and if I'm going to give him this slip I'd better get a start. I suppose he'll think I'm crazy. He'll follow me, I guess. Well, he just shan't catch me, that's all. A kind of anger came over me to think that I'd been living on that farm for nearly fifteen years. Yes, sir, ever since I was twenty-five, and hardly ever been away, except for that trip to Boston once a year to go shopping with Cousin Edie. I'm a home keeping soul, I guess, and I love my kitchen and my preserve cupboard and my linen closet as well as Grandmother ever did, but something in that blue October air and that crazy little red-bearded man just tickled me. Look here, Mr. Parnassus, I said. I guess I'm a fat old fool, but I just believe I'll do that. You hitch up your horse and van, and I'll go pack some clothes and write you a check. It'll do Andrew all the good in the world to have me skip. I'll get a chance to read a few books, too. It'll be as good as going to college. And I untied my apron string and ran for the house. The little man stood leaning against the corner of the van as if he were stupefied. I daresay he was. I ran into the house through the front door, and it struck me as comical to see a copy of one of Andrew's magazines lying on the living-room table with the Revolt of Womanhood printed across it in red letters. Here goes for the Revolt of Helen McGill, I thought. I sat down at Andrew's desk, pushed aside a pad of notes he had been jotting down about the magic of autumn, and scrawled a few lines. Dear Andrew, don't be thinking I'm crazy. I've gone off for an adventure. It just came over me that you've had all the adventures while I've been at home baking bread. Mrs. McNally will look after your meals, and one of her girls can come over to do the housework, so don't worry. I'm going off for a little while, a month maybe, to see some of this happiness and hay-seat of yours. It's what the magazines call the Revolt of Womanhood. Warm underwear in the cedar chest in the spare room when you need it. With love? Helen. I left the note on his desk. Mrs. McNally was bending over the tubs in the laundry. I could see only the broad arch of her back and hear the vigorous zzzzzzzzzz of her rubbing. She straightened up at my call. Mrs. McNally, I said, I'm going away for a little trip. You'd better let the washing go until this afternoon and get Andrew's dinner for him. He'll be back about twelve-thirty. It's half past ten now. You tell him I've gone over to see Mrs. Collins at Locust Farm. Mrs. McNally is a brawny, slow-witted swede. All right, Miss McGill, she said, you be back to dinner? No, I'm not coming back for a month, I said. I'm going away for a trip. I want you to send Rosie over here every day to do the housework while I'm away. You can arrange with Mr. McGill about that. I've got to hurry now. Mrs. McNally's honest eyes as blue as Copenhagen China, gazing through the window in perplexity, fell upon the traveling Parnassus and Mr. Mifflin backing Pegasus into the shafts. I saw her make a valiant effort to comprehend the sign painted on the side of the van, and give it up. You going driving, she asked blankly? Yes, I said, and fled upstairs. I always keep my bank-book in an old heiler-box in the top drawer of my bureau. I don't save very quickly, I'm afraid. I have a little income from some money father left me, but Andrew takes care of that. Andrew pays all the farm expenses, but the housekeeping accounts fall to me. I make a fairish amount of pin-money on my poultry and some of my preserves that I send to Boston, and on some recipes of mine that I send to a woman's magazine now and then, but generally savings don't amount too much over ten dollars a month. In the last five years I had put by something more than six hundred dollars. I had been saving up for a ford, but just now it looked to me as if that Parnassus would be more fun than a ford ever could be. Four hundred dollars was a lot of money, but I thought of what it would mean to have Andrew come home and buy it, why he'd be away until Thanksgiving, whereas if I bought it I could take it away, have my adventure, and sell it somewhere so that Andrew never need see it. I hardened my heart and determined to give the sage of Redfield some of his own medicine. My balance at the Redfield National Bank was six hundred and fifteen dollars and twenty cents. I sat down at the table in my bedroom where I kept my accounts and wrote out a check to Roger Mifflin for four hundred dollars. I put in plenty of curlicues after the figures so that no one could raise the check to four hundred thousand dollars. Then I got my old Ratan suitcase and put some clothes in. The whole business didn't take me ten minutes. I came downstairs to find Mrs. McNally looking sourly at the Parnassus from the kitchen door. You going away in that—that bus, Miss McGill, she asked? Yes, Mrs. McNally, I said cheerfully. Her use of the word gave me an inspiration. That's one of the new Jitney buses we hear about. He's going to take me to the station. Don't you worry about it. I'm going for a holiday. You get Mr. McGill's dinner ready for him. After dinner tell him there's a note for him in the living room. I tanked that bay in a queer bus, said Mrs. McNally puzzled. I think the excellent woman suspected any loatement. I carried my suitcase down to the Parnassus. Pegasus stood placidly between the shafts. From within came sounds of vigorous movement. In a moment the little man burst out with a bulging portmanteau in his hand. He had a tweed cap slanted on the back of his head. There he cried triumphantly. I've packed all my personal effects, and so on, and everything else goes with the transaction. When I get on the train with this bag I'm a free man and hurrah for Brooklyn. Lord won't I be glad to get back to the city. I lived in Brooklyn once and I haven't been back there for ten years, he added plaintively. Here's the check, I said, handing it to him. He flushed a little and looked at me rather shame-facedly. See here, he said, I hope you're not making a bad bargain. I don't want to take advantage of a lady. If you think your brother— I was going to buy a Ford with it anyway, I said, and it looks to me as though this part cheesy of yours would be cheaper to run than any fliver that ever came out of Detroit. I want to keep it away from Andrew, and that's the main thing. You give me a receipt and we'll get away from here before he comes back. He took the check without a word, hoisted his fat portman, too, onto the driver's seat, and then disappeared in the van. In a minute he reappeared. On the back of one of his poetical cards he had written, received from Miss McGill the sum of four hundred dollars in exchange for one traveling parnassus in first-class condition delivered to her this day October 3rd, signed Roger Mifflin. Tell me, I said, does your parnassus, my parnassus rather, contain everything I'm likely to need? Is it stocked up with food and so on? I was coming to that, he said, you'll find a fair supply of stuff in the cupboard over the stove, though I used to get most of my meals at farmhouses along the road. I generally read aloud to people as I go along, and they're often good for a free meal. It's amazing how little most of the country folk know about books, and how pleased they are to hear good stuff. Down in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania— Well, how about the horse? I said hastily, seeing him about to embark on an anecdote. It wasn't far short of eleven o'clock, and I was getting anxious to get started. It might be well to take along some oats, my supply is about exhausted. I filled a sack with oats in the stable, and Mr. Mifflin showed me where to hang it under the van. Then in the kitchen I loaded a big basket with provisions for an emergency—a dozen eggs, a jar of sliced bacon, butter, cheese, condensed milk, tea, biscuits, jam, and two loaves of bread. These Mr. Mifflin stowed inside the van, Mrs. McNally watching in amazement. I tanked this bain a queer picnic, she said. Which way are you going? Mr. McGill is he coming after you? No, I insisted. He's not coming. I'm going off on a holiday. You get dinner for him, and he won't worry about anything until after that. Tell him I've gone over to see Mrs. Collins. I climbed the little steps and entered my parnassus with the pleasant thrill of ownership. The terrier on the bunk jumped to the floor with a friendly wag of his tail. I piled the bunk with bedding and blankets of my own, shook out the drawers which fitted above the bunk, and put into them what few belongings I was taking with me, and we were ready to start. Redbeard was already sitting in front with the reins in hand. I climbed up beside him. The front seat was broad but uncushioned, well sheltered by the peak of the van. I gave a quick glance around at the comfortable house under its alms and maples, saw the big red barn shining in the sun and the pump under the Great Barber. I waved goodbye to Mrs. McNally who was watching us in silent amazement. Pegasus threw her solid weight against the traces and parnassus swung around and rolled past the gate. We turned into the redfield road. Here, said Mifflin handing me the reins, your skipper you'd better drive. Which way do you want to go? My breath came a little fast when I realized that my adventure had begun. CHAPTER IV Just out of sight of the farm, the road forks. One way running on to Walton where you cross the river by a covered bridge. The other swinging down toward Greenbrier and Port Vigor. Mrs. Collins lives a mile or so up the Walton road and as I very often run over to see her, I thought Andrew would be most likely to look for me there. So, after we had passed through the grove I took the right hand turn to Greenbrier. We began the long ascent over Huckleberry Hill and as I smelt the fresh autumn odor of the leaves I chuckled a little. Mr. Mifflin seemed in a perfect ecstasy of high spirits. This is certainly grand, he said. Lord, I applaud your spunk. Do you think Mr. McGill will give chase? I haven't an idea, I said. Not right away, anyhow. He's so used to my settled ways that I don't think he'll suspect anything till he finds my note. I wonder what kind of story Mrs. McNally will tell. How about putting him off the scent, he said? Give me your handkerchief. I did so. He hopped nimbly out, ran back down the hill, he was a spry little person in spite of his bald crown, and dropped the handkerchief on the Walton road about a hundred feet beyond the fork. Then he followed me up the slope. There, he said, grinning like a kid, that'll fool him. The sage of Redfield will undoubtedly follow the false spore and the criminals will win a good start. But I'm afraid it's rather easy to follow a craft as unusual as Parnassus. Tell me how you manage the thing, I said. Do you really make it pay? We halted at the top of the hill to give Pegasus a breathing space. The terrier lay down in the dust and watched us gravely. Mr. Mifflin pulled out a pipe and begged my permission to smoke. It's rather comical how I first got into it, he said. I was a school teacher down in Maryland. I'd been plugging away in a country school for years on a starvation salary. I was trying to support an invalid mother and put something away in case of storms. I remember how I used to wonder whether I'd ever be able to wear a suit that wasn't shabby and have my shoes polished every day. Then my health went back on me. The doctor told me to get into the open air. By and by I got this idea of a traveling bookstore. I had always been a lover of books, and in the days when I boarded out among the farmers I used to read aloud to them. After my mother died I built the wagon to suit my own ideas, bought a stock of books from a big secondhand store in Baltimore, and set out. Parnassus just about saved my life, I guess. He pushed his faded old cap back on his head and relit his pipe. I clicked to Pagassus and we rumbled gently off over the upland, looking down across the pastures. Distant cowbells sounded, tankled tongue among the bushes. Across the slope of the hill I could see the road winding away to Redfield. Somewhere along that road Andrew would be rolling back toward home and roast pork with applesauce, and here I was, out on the first madness of my life without even a qualm. Miss McGill said the little man, this rolling pavilion has been wife, doctor, and religion to me for seven years. A month ago I would have scoffed at the thought of leaving her, but somehow it's come over me I need a change. There's a book I've been yearning to write for a long time, and I need a desk steady under my elbows and a roof over my head. And, silly as it seems, I'm crazy to get back to Brooklyn. My brother and I used to live there as kids. Think of walking over the old bridge at sunset and seeing the towers of Manhattan against a red sky, and those old gray cruisers down in the Navy Yard. You don't know how tickled I am to sell out. I've sold a lot of copies of your brother's books and I've often thought he'd be the man to buy Parnassus if I got tired of her. So he would, I said, just the man. He'd be only too likely to, and go wandering about in this jaunting car and neglect the farm. But tell me about selling books. How much profit do you make out of it? We'll be passing Mrs. Mason's farm by and by, and we might as well sell her something just to make a start. It's very simple, he said. I replenish my stock whenever I go through a big town. There's always a secondhand bookstore somewhere about where you can pick up odds and ends. Every now and then I write to a whole sailor in New York for some stuff. When I buy a book I mark in the back just what I paid for it. Then I know what I can afford to sell it for. See here? He pulled up a book from behind the seat, a copy of Lorna Dune, it was, and showed me the letters A, M, scrawled in pencil in the back. That means that I paid ten cents for this. Now if you sell it for a quarter you've got a safe profit. It costs me about four dollars a week to run Parnassus, generally less. If you clear that much in six days you can afford to take off on Sundays. How do you know that? A, M stands for ten cents, I asked. The code words manuscript, each letter stands for a figure from zero to nine, see? He scrawled it down on a scrap of paper. M, A, N, U, S, C, R, I, P, T stands for zero, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Now you see A, M stands for ten. A, N would be twelve, N, S is twenty-four, A, C is fifteen, A, M, M is a dollar, and so on. I don't pay much over fifty cents for books as a rule, because country folks are shy of paying much for them. They'll pay a lot for a separator or a buggy top, but they've never been taught to worry about literature. But it's surprising how excited they get about books if you sell them the right kind. Over beyond Port Vigor there's a farmer who's waiting for me to go back. I've been there three or four times, and he'll pay about five dollars worth if I know him. First time I went there I sold him Treasure Island, and he's talking about it yet. I sold him Robinson Crusoe, and Little Women for his daughter, and Huck Finn, and Grubb's book about the potato. Last time I was there he wanted some Shakespeare, but I wouldn't give it to him. I didn't think he was up to it yet. I began to see something of the little man's idealism in his work. He was a kind of traveling missionary in his way. A hefty talker, too. His eyes were twinkling now, and I could see him warming up. Lord, he said, when you sell a man a book you don't sell him just twelve ounces of paper, and ink, and glue. You sell him a whole new life. Love, and friendship, and humor, and ships at sea by night. There's all heaven and earth in a book, a real book, I mean. Jiminy, if I were the baker or the butcher or the broom-huckster, people would run to the gate when I came by, just waiting for my stuff. And here I go loaded with everlasting salvation. Yes, ma'am, salvation for their little stunted minds, and it's hard to make them see it. That's what makes it worthwhile. I'm doing something that nobody else from Nazareth, Maine, to Walla Walla Washington, has ever thought of. It's a new field, but by the bones of Whitman it's worthwhile. That's what this country needs, more books. He laughed at his own vehemence. Do you know it's comical, he said. Even the publishers, the fellows that print the books, can't see what I'm doing for them. Some of them refuse to give me credit because I sell their books for what they're worth instead of for the prices they mark on them. They write me letters about price maintenance, and I write them back about merit maintenance. Publish a good book, and I'll get a good price for it, say I. Sometimes I think the publishers know less about books than anyone else. I guess that's natural, though. Most school teachers don't know much about children. The best of it is, he went on. I have such a darn good time. Peg and Bach, that's the dog, and I go loafing along the road on warm summer days, and by and by we'll fetch up alongside some boarding-house, and there are the boarders all rocking off their lunch on the veranda. Most of them bored to death, nothing good to read, nothing to do but sit and watch the flies buzzing in the sun, and the chickens rubbing up and down in the dust. First thing you know, I sell half a dozen books that put the love of life into them, and they don't forget Parnassus in a hurry. Take O. Henry, for instance. There isn't anybody so dog-gone sleepy that he won't enjoy that man's stories. He understood life, you bet, and he could write it down with all its little twists. I've spent an evening reading O. Henry, and Wilkie Collins to people, and had them buy out all their books I had and clamor for more. What do you do in the winter? I asked, a practical question as most of mine are. That depends on where I am when bad weather sets in, said Mr. Mifflin. Two winters I was down south and managed to keep Parnassus going all through the season. Otherwise I just lay up wherever I am. I've never found it hard to get lodging for peg in a job for myself if I had to have them. Last winter I worked in a bookstore in Boston. Winter before I was in a country drug store down in Pennsylvania. Winter before that I tutored a couple of small boys in English literature. Winter before that I was steward on a steamer. You see how it goes. I've had a fairly miscellaneous experience. As far as I can see a man whose fond of books never needs starve. But this winter I'm planning to live with my brother in Brooklyn and slog away at my book. Lord how I've pondered over that thing. Long summer afternoons I've sat here jogging along in the dust thinking it out until it seems as if my forehead would burst. You see, my idea is that the common people, in the country that is, never have any chance to get hold of books and never have anyone to explain what books can mean. It's all right for college presidents to draw up their five foot shelves of great literature and for the publishers to advertise sets of their linoleum classics. But what the people need is the good, homely, honest stuff, something that'll stick to their ribs and make them laugh and tremble and feel sick to think of the littleness of this popcorn ball spinning in space without ever even getting a hot box and something that'll spur him on to keep the hearthwell swept and the woodpile split into kindling and the dishes washed and dried and put away. Anyone who can get the country people to read something worthwhile is doing his nation a real service. And that's what this caravan of culture aspires to. You must be weary of this harangue. Does the sage of Redfield ever run on like that? Not to me, I said. He's known me so long that he thinks of me as a kind of animated bread baking and cake mixing machine. I guess he doesn't put much stock in my judgment in literary matters. But he puts his digestion in my hands without reserve. There's Mason's farm over there. I guess we'd better sell them some books, hadn't we, just for a starter? We turned into the lane that runs up to the Mason farmhouse. Bach trotted on ahead very stiff on his legs and his tail gently wagging to interview the mass stiff. And Mrs. Mason, who was sitting on the porch, peeling potatoes, laid down the pan. She's a big buxom woman with jolly, brown eyes like a cow's. For Heaven's sake, Miss McGill, she called out in a cheerful voice, I'm glad to see you. Got a lift, did you? She hadn't really noticed the inscription on Parnassus and thought it was a regular huckster's wagon. Well, Mrs. Mason, I said, I've gone into the book business. This is Mr. Mifflin. I've bought out his stock. We've come to sell you some books. She laughed. Go on, Helen. She said, you can't kid me. I bought a whole set of books last year from an agent, the world's great funeral orations, twenty volumes. Sam and I ain't read more than the first volume yet. It's awful uneasy reading. Mifflin jumped down and raised the side flap of the wagon. Mrs. Mason came closer. I was tickled to see how the little man perked up at the sight of a customer. Evidently selling books was meat and drink to him. Madam, he said, funeral orations bound in sackcloth, I suppose, have their place. But Miss McGill and I have got some real books here to which I invite your attention. Winter will be here soon and you will need something more cheerful to beguile your evenings. Very possibly you have growing children who would profit from a good book or two, a book of fairy tales for the little girl I see on the porch, or stories of inventors for that boy who is about to break his neck jumping from the barn loft, or a book about road making for your husband. Surely there is something here you need. Miss McGill probably knows your taste. That little red-bearded man was surely a born salesman. How he guessed that Mr. Mason was the road commissioner in our township, goodness only knows. Perhaps it was just a lucky shot. By this time most of the family had gathered round the van and I saw Mr. Mason coming from the barn with his twelve-year-old son, Billy. Sam, shouted Mrs. Mason, here's Miss McGill turned book peddler and got a preacher with her. Hello, Miss McGill, said Mr. Mason. He is a big, slow moving man of great gravity and solidity. Where's Andrew? Andrew's coming home for roast pork and applesauce, I said, and I'm going off to sell books for a living. Mr. Mifflin here is teaching me how. We've got a book on road mending that's just what you need. I saw Mr. and Mrs. Mason exchange glances. Evidently they thought me crazy. I began to wonder whether we had made a mistake in calling on people I knew so well. The situation was a trifle embarrassing. Mr. Mifflin came to the rescue. Don't be alarmed, sir, he said to Mr. Mason. I haven't kidnapped Miss McGill. As he is about half my size this was amusing. We are trying to increase her brother's income by selling his books for him. As a matter of fact we have a wager with him that we can sell fifty copies of happiness in hayseed before Halloween. Now I'm sure your sporting instinct will assist us by taking at least one copy. Andrew McGill is probably the greatest author in this state, and every taxpayer ought to possess his books. May I show you a copy? That sounds reasonable, said Mr. Mason, and he almost smiled. What do you say, Emma? Think we better buy a book or two? You know those funeral orations. Well, said Emma, you know we've always said we ought to read one of Andrew McGill's books, but we didn't rightly know how to get hold of one. That fellow that sold us the funeral speeches didn't seem to know about him. I tell you what, you folks better stop and have dinner with us, and you can tell us what we ought to buy. I'm just ready to put the potatoes on the stove now. I must confess that the prospect of sitting down to a meal I hadn't cooked myself, appealed to me strongly, and I was keen to see what kind of grub Mrs. Mason provided for her household, but I was afraid that if we dallyed there too long Andrew would be after us. I was about to say that we would have to be getting on and couldn't stay, but apparently the zest of expounding his philosophy to new listeners was too much for Mr. Mifflin. I heard him saying, That's mighty kind of you, Mrs. Mason, and we'd like very much to stay. Perhaps I can put peg up in your barn for a while? Then we can tell you all about our books, and to my amazement I found myself chiming in with a scent. Mifflin certainly surpassed himself at dinner. The fact that Mrs. Mason's hot biscuits tasted of salaratus gave me far less satisfaction than it otherwise would, because I was absorbed in listening to the little vagabond's talk. Mr. Mason came to the table grumbling something about his telephone being out of order. I wondered whether he had been trying to get Andrew on the wire. He was a little afraid that I was being run away with, I think. But he was soon won over by the current of the little man's cheery wit. Nothing daunted Mifflin. He talked to the old grandmother about quilts, offered to cut off a strip of his necktie for her new patchwork, and told all about the illustrated book on quilts that he had in the van. He discussed cookery and the Bible with Mrs. Mason, and she being a leading light in the Greenbrier Sunday School was pleasantly scandalized by his account of the best detective stories in the Old Testament. With Mr. Mason he was all scientific farming, chemical manures, macadam roads, and crop rotation. And to little Billy who sat next to him, he told extraordinary yarns about Daniel Boone, Davy Crockett, Kit Carson, Buffalo Bill, and whatnot. Honestly, I was amazed at the little man. He was as genial as a cricket on the hearth, and yet every now and then his earnestness would break through. I don't wonder he was a success at selling books. That man could sell clothespins or Paris garters, I guess, and make them seem romantic. You know, Mr. Mason, he said, you certainly owe it to these youngsters of yours to put a few really good books into their hands. City kids have libraries to go to, but in the country there's only Old Doc Haas-Deader's Almanac, and the letters written by ladies with backache telling how Peruna did for them. Give this boy and girl of yours a few good books and you're starting them on the double track. Block signal line to happiness. Now there's little women. That girl of yours can learn more about real girlhood and fine womanhood out of that book than from a year's paper dolls in the attic. That's right, Pa, assented Mrs. Mason. Go on with your meal, Professor, that meat'll be cold. She was completely won by the travelling bookseller, and had given him the highest title of honour in her can. Why, I read that story when I was a girl, and I still remember it. That's better reading for Dorothy than those funeral speeches, I reckon. I believe the Professor's right. We'd ought to have more books laying around. Seems kind of a shame with the famous author at the next farm. Not to read more, don't it now? So by the time we got down to Mrs. Mason's squash pie, good pie too, I admit, but her hand is a little heavy for pastry. The whole household was enthusiastic about books, and the atmosphere was literary enough for even Dr. Elliot to live in without panting. Mrs. Mason opened up her parlor, and we sat there while Mifflin recited the revenge, and Maude Mueller. Well, now ain't that real sweet, said Emma Mason. It's surprising how those words rhyme so nicely. Seems almost as though it was done a purpose. Reminds me of peace day at school. There was a mighty pretty piece I learned called the Wreck of the Aspirus, and she subsided into a genteel melancholy. I saw that Mr. Mifflin was well astride his hobby. He had started to tell the children about Robin Hood, but I had the sense to give him a wink. We had to be getting along, or surely Andrew might be on us. So while Mr. Mifflin was putting Pegasus into the shafts again, I picked out seven or eight books that I thought would fit the needs of the Masons. Mr. Mason insisted that happiness and hayseed be included among them, and he gave me a crisp five-dollar bill refusing to take any change. No, no, he said, I've had more fun than I get at a Grange meeting. Come round again, Miss McGill, I'm going to tell Andrew what a good show this traveling theater of yours gives. And you, Professor, any time you're here about roadmending season, stop in and tell me some more good advice. Well, I must get back to the field. Bach fell in under the van, and we creaked off down the lane. Mifflin filled his pipe and was chuckling to himself. I was a little worried now for fear Andrew might overtake us. It's a wonder Sam Mason didn't call up Andrew, I said. It must have looked mighty queer to him for an old farmhand like me to be around, peddling books. He would have done it straight off, said Mr. Mifflin, but you see, I cut his telephone wire. End of Chapter 4 Chapter 5 of Parnassus on Wheels. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Parnassus on Wheels by Christopher Morley, Chapter 5 I gazed in astonishment at the whizzen little rogue. Here was a new side to the amiable idealist. Apparently there was a streak of fearless devoury in him besides his gentle love of books. I'm bound to say now for the first time I really admired him. I had burnt my own very respectable boats behind me, and I rather enjoyed knowing that he too could act briskly in a pinch. Well, I said, you are a cool hand. It's a good job for you that you didn't stay a schoolmaster. You might have taught your pupils some fine devouries. And at your age too. I'm afraid my railway goes a little too far sometimes. He flushed a bit at my reference to his age, and puffed sharply at his pipe. I say, he rejoined, how old do you think I am, anyway? Only forty-one by the bones of Byron. Henry VIII was only forty-one when he married Ambulin. There are many consolations in history for people over forty. Remember that when you get there. Shakespeare wrote King Lear at forty-one, he added more humorously, and then burst out laughing. I'd like to edit a series of chloroform classics to include only books written after forty. Who was that doctor man who recommended anesthetics for us at that age? Now isn't that just like a medical? Nurse us through the diseases of childhood, and as soon as we settle down into permanent good health and worldly wisdom and freedom from doctor's fees, why, he loses interest in us. Jove, I must note that down and bring it into my book. He pulled out a memorandum book and jotted down chloroform classics in a small, neat hand. Well, I said, I felt a little contrite as I was sincerely sorry to have offended him. I've passed forty myself in some measurements, so youth no longer has any terrors for me. He looked at me rather comically. My dear madam, he said, your age is precisely eighteen. I think that if we escape the clutches of the sage of Redfield you may really begin to live. Oh, Andrew's not a bad sort, I said. He's absent-minded and hot tempered and a little selfish. The publishers have done their best to spoil him, but for a literary man I guess he's quite human. He rescued me from being a governess, and that's to his credit. If only he didn't take his meals quite so much as a matter of course. The preposterous thing about him is that he really can write, said Mifflin. I envy him that. Don't let him know I said so, but as a matter of fact his prose is almost as good as Thoreau. He approaches faxes daintily as a cat crossing a wet road. You should see him at dinner, I thought, or I meant to think it, but the word slipped out. I found myself thinking aloud in a rather disconcerting way while sitting with this strange little person. He looked at me. I noticed for the first time that his eyes were slate blue, with funny bird's foot wrinkles at the corners. That's so, he said. I never thought of that. A fine prose style certainly presupposes sound nourishment. Excellent point that, and yet Thoreau did his own cooking. A sort of boy scout, I guess, with a badge as kitchen-master. Perhaps he took Beechnut Bacon with him into the woods. I wonder who cooked for Stevenson. Come me. The child's garden of verses was really a kind of kitchen garden, wasn't it? I'm afraid the commiserate problem has wade rather heavily on you. I'm glad you got away from it. All this was getting rather intricate for me. I set it down as I remember it, inaccurately perhaps. My governess days are pretty far astern now, and my life in common sense rather than literary allusions. I said something of the sort. Common sense, he repeated. Good Lord, ma'am, sense is the most uncommon thing in the world. I haven't got it. I don't believe your brother has it, from what you say. Bach here has it. See how he trots along the road keeping an eye on the scenery and minds his own business. I never saw him get into a fight yet, wish I could say the same of myself. I named him after Boccaccio to remind me to read De Cameron some day. Judging by the way you talk, I said, you ought to be quite a writer yourself. Oh, talkers never write. They go on talking. There was a considerable silence. Mifflin relit his pipe and watched the landscape with the shrewd eye. I held the reins loosely and Peg ambled along with a steady clop-clop. Parnassus creaked musically and the mid-afternoon sun lay rich across the road. We passed another farm, but I did not suggest stopping as I felt we ought to push on. Mifflin seemed lost in meditation, and I began to wander a little uneasily how the adventure would turn out. This quaintly masterful little man was a trifle disconcerting. Across the next ridge I could see the Greenbrier Church spire shining white. Do you know this part of the country, I asked? Not this exact section. I've been in Port Vigor often, but then I was on the road that runs along the sound. I suppose this village ahead is Greenbrier? Yes, I said. It's about thirteen miles from here to Port Vigor. How do you expect to get back to Brooklyn? Oh, Brooklyn, he said vaguely. Yes, I'd forgotten about Brooklyn for a minute. I was thinking of my book. Why, I guess I'll take the train from Port Vigor. The trouble is you can never get to Brooklyn without going through New York. It's symbolic, I suppose. Again there was a silence. Finally he said, is there another town between Greenbrier and Port Vigor? Yes, Shelby, I said, about five miles from Greenbrier. That'll be as far as you'll get to-night, he said. I'll see you safe to Shelby and then make tracks for Port Vigor. I hope there's a decent inn at Shelby where you can stop overnight. I hoped so too, but I wasn't going to let him see that with the waning afternoon my enthusiasm was a little less robust. I was wondering what Andrew was thinking and whether Mrs. McNally had left things in good order. Like most Swedes, she had to be watched or she left her work only three-quarters done. And I didn't depend any too much on her daughter, Rosie, to do the housework efficiently. I wondered what kind of meals Andrew would get, and probably he would go right on wearing his summer underclothes although I had already reminded him about changing. Then there were the chickens. Well, the Rubicon was cross now, and there was nothing to be done. To my surprise, little red beard had divined my anxiety. Now don't you worry about the sage, he said kindly, a man that draws his royalties isn't going to starve. By the bones of John Murray his publishers can send him a cook if necessary. This is a holiday for you and don't you forget it. And with his cheering sentiment in my mind we rolled sedately down the hill toward Greenbrier. I am about as hardy as most folks, I think, but I confess I balked a little at the idea of facing the various people I know in Greenbrier as the owner of a book-fan and the companion of a literary hoxter. Also I recollected that if Andrew should try to trace us it would be as well for me to keep out of sight. So after telling Mr. Mifflin how I felt about matters, I dived into the Parnassus and laid down most comfortably on the bunk. Buck the Terrier joined me and I rested there in great comfort of mind and body as we ambled down the grade. The sun shone through the little sky light, gilding a tin pan that hung over the cook's stove. Tacked here and there were portraits of authors, and I noticed a fading newspaper cutting pinned up. The headlines ran, Literary Peddler Lectures on Poetry. I read it through. Apparently the professor, so I had begun to call him as the appness of the nickname stuck in my mind, had given a lecture in Camden, New Jersey, where he had asserted that Tennyson was a greater poet than Walt Whitman. And the boosters of the Camden poet had enlivened the evening with missiles. It seemed that the chief Whitman, disciple in Camden, is Mr. Trouble, and Mr. Mifflin had started the rumpus by asserting that Tennyson, too, had troubles of his own. What an absurd creature the professor was, I thought, as I lay comfortably lulled by the rolling wheels. Greenbrier is a straggling little town built around a large common meadow. Mifflin's general plan in towns, he had told me, was to halt Parnasses in front of the principal store or hotel, and when a little throng had gathered he would put up the flaps of the van, distribute his cards, and deliver a harangue on the value of good books. I lay concealed inside, but I gathered from the sounds that this was what was happening. We came to a stop, I heard a growing murmur of voices and laughter outside, and then the click of the raised sides of the wagon. I heard Mifflin's shrill, slightly nasal voice, making facetious remarks as he passed out the cards. Evidently Bach was quite accustomed to the routine, for though his tail wagged gently when the professor began to talk, he lay quite peaceably dozing at my feet. My friends, said Mr. Mifflin, you remember Abe Lincoln's joke about the dog? If you call a tail a leg, said Abe, how many legs has a dog? Five, you answer. No, says Abe, because calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg. Well, there are lots of us in the same case as that dog's tail. Calling us men doesn't make us men. No creature on earth has a right to think himself a human being if he doesn't know at least one good book. The man that spends every evening chewing pipe or hide-a-sec at the store is unworthy to catch the intimations of a benevolent creator. The man that's got a few good books on his shelf is making his wife happy, giving his children a square deal, and he's likely to be a better citizen himself. How about that, parson? I heard the deep voice of Reverend Cain, the Methodist minister. You're dead right, Professor, he shouted. Tell us some more about books. I am right with you. Evidently Mr. Cain had been attracted by the sight of Parnassus, and I could hear him muttering to himself as he pulled one or two books from the shelves. How surprised he would have been if he had known I was inside the van. I took the precaution of slipping the bolt of the door at the back and drew the curtains. Then I crept back into the bunk. I begin to imagine what an absurd situation there would be if Andrew should arrive on the scene. You are all used to hoxters and peddlers and fellows selling every kind of junk from brooms to bananas, said the professor's voice, but how often does anyone come round here to sell you books? You've got your own town library, I daresay, but there are some books that folks ought to own. I've got them all here from Bibles to cookbooks. They speak for themselves. Step up to the shelves, friends, and pick and choose. I heard the parson asking the price of something he had found on the shelves, and I believe he bought it. But the hum of voices around the flanks of Parnassus was very soothing, and in spite of my interest in what was going on, I'm afraid I fell asleep. I must have been pretty tired. Anyway, I never felt the van start again. The professor said he looked in through the little window from the driver's seat and saw me sound asleep. And the next thing I knew, I woke up with the start to find myself rolling leisurely in the dark. Bach was still lying over my feet. And there was a faint musical cling from the bucket under the van, which struck against something now and then. The professor was sitting in front with a lighted lantern hanging from the peak of the van roof. He was humming some outlandish song to himself with a queer monotonous refrain. Shipwrecked was I off soft parouse and right along the shore. And so I did resolve to roam the country to explore. Tommy rip fallol and the ballam tip Tommy rip fallol ID. And so I did resolve to roam the country for to see. I jumped out of the bunk cracked my shins against something and uttered a rousing hello. Parnassus stopped and the professor pushed back the sliding window behind the driver's seat. Heavens I said, father time what o'clock is it? Pretty near supper time, I reckon. You must have fallen asleep while I was taking money from the Philistines. I made nearly three dollars for you. Let's pull up along the road and have a bite to eat. He guided Pegasus to one side of the road, and then showed me how to light the swinging lamp that hung under the skylight. No use to light the stove on a lovely evening like this, he said. I'll collect some sticks and we can cook outside. You get your basket of grub and I'll make a fire. He unhitched Pegasus, tied her to a tree, and gave her a nosebag of oats. Then he ridded around for some twigs and had a fire going in a jiffy. In five minutes I had bacon and scrambled eggs sizzling in the frying pan, and he had brought out a pail of water from the cooler under the bunk and was making tea. I'd never enjoyed a picnic so much. It was a perfect autumn evening, windlass and frosty, with a dead black sky and a tiny rim of new moon like a thumbnail pairing. We had our eggs and bacon washed down with tea and condensed milk and followed by bread and jam. The little fire burned blue and cozy, and we sat on each side of it while Bach scoured the pan and ate the crusts. This year own bread, Miss McGill, he asked. Yes, it is, I said. I was calculating the other day that I've baked more than four hundred loaves a year for the last 15 years. That's more than 6,000 loaves of bread. They can put that on my tombstone. The art of baking bread is as transcendent a mystery as the art of making sonnets, said Redbeard. And then your hot biscuits? They might be counted as shorter lyrics, I suppose, triolettes, perhaps. That makes quite an anthology, or a doxology, if you prefer it. Yeast is yeast, and west is west, I said, and was quite surprised at my own cleverness. I hadn't made a remark like that to Andrew in five years. I see you are acquainted with Kipling, he said. Oh yes, every governess is. Where and whom did you govern? I was in New York with the family of a wealthy stockbroker. There were three children. I used to take them walking in Central Park. Did you ever go to Brooklyn? He asked abruptly. Never, I replied. Ah, he said, that's just the trouble. New York is Babylon. Brooklyn is the holy city. New York is the city of envy, office work, and hustle. Brooklyn is the region of homes and happiness. It is extraordinary. Poor, harassed New Yorkers presume to look down on low-lying, home-loving Brooklyn, when as a matter of fact it is the precious jewel their souls are thirsting for, and they never know it. Broadway, think how symbolic the name is. Broad is the way that leadeth to destruction. But in Brooklyn the ways are narrow, and they lead to a heavenly city of content. Central Park, there you are, the center of things, hemmed in by walls of pride. Now how much better is Prospect Park, given a fair view over the hills of humility? There is no hope for New Yorkers, for they glory in their skyscraping sins, but in Brooklyn there is the wisdom of the lowly. So you think that if I had been a governess in Brooklyn I should have been so contented that I would never have come with Andrew and compiled my anthology of six thousand loaves of bread and the lesser lyrics? But the volatile professor had already soared to other points of view, and was not to be thwarted by argument. Of course Brooklyn is a dingy place, really, he admitted, but to me it symbolizes a state of mind, whereas New York is only a state of pocket. You see, I was a boy in Brooklyn, it still trails clouds of glory for me. When I get back there and start work on my book I shall be as happy as Nebuchadnezzar when he left off grass and returned to tea and crumpets. Literature among the farmers I'm going to call it, but that's a poor title. I'd like to read you some of my notes for it. I'm afraid I poorly conceal the yawn, as a matter of fact I was sleepy and it was growing chilly. Tell me first, I said, where in the world are we and what time is it? He pulled out a turnip watch. It's nine o'clock, he said, and we're about two miles from Shelby, I should reckon. Perhaps we'd better get along. They told me in Greenbrier that the Grand Central Hotel in Shelby is a good place to stop at. That's why I wasn't anxious to get there. It sounds so darn like New York. He bundled the cooking utensils back into Parnassus, hitched Peg up again, and tied Bach to the stern of the van. Then he insisted on giving me the two dollars and eighty cents that he had collected in Greenbrier. I was really too sleepy to protest, and of course it was mine, anyway. We creaked off along the dark and silent roads between the pine woods. I think he talked fluently about his pilgrims' progress among the farmers of a dozen states, but, to be honest, I fell asleep in my corner of the seat. I woke up when we halted before the one hotel in Shelby, a plain unimposing country inn, despite its absurd name. I left him to put Parnassus and the animals away for the night while I engaged a room. Just as I got my key from the clerk he came into the dingy lobby. Well, Mr. Mifflin, I said, shall I see you in the morning? I had intended to push on to Port Vigor to-night, he said, but as it's fully eight miles, they tell me, I guess I'll bivouac here. I think I'll go into the smoking-room and put them wise to some good books. We won't say good-bye till to-morrow. My room was pleasant and clean, fairly so. I took my suitcase up with me and had a hot bath. As I fell asleep I heard a shrill voice ascending from below, punctuated with masculine laughter. The pilgrim was making more converts. CHAPTER VI I had a curious feeling of bewilderment when I woke the next morning. The bare room with the red-and-blue rag-carpet and green china-toilet set was utterly strange. In the hall outside I heard a clock strike. Heavens, I thought! I've overslept myself nearly two hours! What on earth will Andrew do for breakfast? And then as I ran to close the window I saw the blue parnassus with its startling red letters standing in the yard. Instantly I remembered. And discreetly peeping from behind the window-shade I saw that the professor, armed with a tin of paint, was blotting out his own name on the side of the van, evidently intending to substitute mine. That was something I had not thought of. However, I might as well make the best of it. I dressed promptly, repacked my bag, and hurried downstairs for breakfast. The long table was nearly empty but one or two men sitting at the other end eyed me curiously. Through the window I could see my name in large red letters, growing on the side of the van as the professor diligently wielded his brush. And when I had finished my coffee and beans and bacon I noticed with some amusement that the professor had painted out the line about Shakespeare, Charles Lamb and so on, and had substituted new lettering. The sign now read, H. McGill's Traveling Parnassus, Good Books for Sale, Cook Books a Specialty, Inquire Within. Evidently he distrusted my familiarity with the classics. I paid my bill at the desk and was careful also to pay the charge for putting up the horse and van overnight. Then I strolled into the stable yard where I found Mr. Mifflin regarding his handiwork with satisfaction. He had freshened up all the red lettering which shone brightly in the morning sun. Good morning, I said. He returned it. There he cried, Parnassus is really yours. All the world lies before you. And I've got some more money for you. I sold some books last night. I persuaded the hotelkeeper to buy several volumes of Oh Henry for his smoking room shelf. And I sold the Waldorf cookbook to the cook. My, wasn't her coffee awful? I hoped the cookbook will better it. He handed me two limp bills and a handful of small change. I took it gravely and put it in my purse. This was really not bad, more than ten dollars in less than 24 hours. Parnassus seems to be a goldmine, I said. Which way do you think you'll go? He asked. Well, as I know you want to get to Port Vigor, I might just as well give you a lift that way, I answered. Good! I was hoping you'd say that. They tell me the stage for Port Vigor doesn't leave till noon, and I think it would kill me to hang around here all morning with no books to sell. Once I get on the train, I'll be all right. Bach was tied up in a corner of the yard under the side door of the hotel. I went over to release him while the professor was putting Peg into harness. As I stooped to unfasten the chain from his collar, I heard someone talking through the telephone. The hotel lobby was just over my head, and the window was open. What did you say? McGill? Yes, sir. Registered here last night. She's here now. I didn't wait to hear more. Unfastening Bach, I hurried to tell Mifflin. His eyes sparkled. The sage is evidently on our spore, he chuckled. Well, let's be off. I don't see what he can do even if he overhauls us. The clerk was calling me from the window. Miss McGill, your brother's on the wire and asked to speak to you. Tell him I'm busy, I retorted, and climbed on to the seat. It was not a diplomatic reply, I'm afraid, but I was too exhilarated by the keen mourning and the spirit of adventure to stop to think of a better answer. Mifflin clucked to peg, and off we went. The road from Shelby to Port Vigor runs across the broad hill slopes that trend toward the south, and below on our left, the river lake glittering in the valley. It was a perfect landscape. The woods were all bronze and gold, the clouds were snowy white, and seemed like heavenly washing hung out to air. The sun was warm and swam gloriously in an arc of superb blue. My heart was uplifted indeed. For the first time, I think, I knew how Andrew feels on those vagabond trips of his. Why had all this been hidden from me before? Why had the transcendent mystery of baking bread blinded me so long to the mysteries of sun and sky and wind in the trees? We passed a white farmhouse close to the road. By the gate sat the farmer on a log whittling a stick and smoking his pipe. Through the kitchen window I could see a woman blacking the stove. I wanted to cry out, Oh, silly woman, leave your stove, your pots and pans and chores, even if only for a day. Come out and see the sun in the sky and the river in the distance. The farmer looked blankly at Parnassus as we passed, and then I remembered my mission as a distributor of literature. Mifflin was sitting, with one foot on his bulging portman, too, watching the treetops rocking in the cool wind. He seemed to be far away in a morning muse. I threw down the reins and accosted the farmer. Good morning, friend. Morning to you, ma'am, he said firmly. I'm selling books, I said. I wonder if there isn't something you need. Thanks, lady, he said, but I bought a mortar-books last year. I don't believe I'll ever read them this side, Jordan. A whole set of funeral orations what an agent left on me at a dollar a month. I could qualify as Ernest Marner at any deathbed merry-making now, I reckon. You need some books to teach you how to live, not how to die, I said. How about your wife? Wouldn't she enjoy a good book? How about some fairytales for the children? Bless me, he said, I ain't got a wife. I never was a daring man, and I guess I'll confine my melancholy pleasures to them funeral orators for some time yet. Well, now, hold on a minute, I exclaimed. I've got just the thing for you. I had been looking over the shelves with some care and remembered seeing a copy of Reveries of a Bachelor. I clambered down, raised the flap of the van, it gave me a quiet thrill to do it myself for the first time, and hunted out the book. I looked inside the cover and saw the letters N, M in Mifflin's neat hand. Here you are, I said. I'll sell you that for thirty-five cents. Thank you kindly, ma'am, he said courteously, but honestly I wouldn't know what to do with it. I am working through a government report on scabworm and fungus, and I sandwich in a little of them funeral speeches with it, and honestly that's about all the reading I figure on. That and the port-figure clarion. I saw that he really meant it, so I climbed back on the seat. I would have liked to talk to the woman in the kitchen who was peering out of the window in amazement, but I decided it would be better to jog on and not waste time. The farmer and I exchanged friendly salutes, and Parnassus rumbled on. The morning was so lovely that I did not feel talkative, and as the professor seemed pensive I said nothing. But as Peg plotted slowly up a gentle slope he suddenly pulled a book out of his pocket and began to read aloud. I was watching the river and did not turn around but listened carefully. Winding cloud, volleying wind and wheeling sun, the blue tabernacle of sky, the circling of the seasons, the sparkling multitude of the stars. All these are surely part of one rhythmic, mystic whole. Everywhere as we go about our small business we must discern the fingerprints of the gigantic plan, the orderly and inexorable routine with neither beginning nor end, in which death is but a preface to another birth, and birth the certain forerunner of another death. We human beings are as powerless to conceive the motive, or the moral of it all, as the dog is powerless to understand the reasoning in his master's mind. He sees the master's acts, benevolent or malevolent, and wags his tail. But the master's acts are always inscrutable to him, and so with us. And therefore, brethren, let us take the road with a light heart. Let us praise the bronze of the leaves and the crash of the surf, while we have eyes to see and ears to hear. An honest amazement at the unspeakable beauties of the world is a comely posture for the scholar. Let us all be scholars under Mother Nature's eye. How do you like that? he asked. A little heavy, but very good, I said. There's nothing in it about the transcendent mystery of baking bread. He looked rather blank. Do you know who wrote it? he asked. I made a valiant effort to summon some of my governestly recollections of literature. I give it up, I said feebly. Is it Carlisle? That is by Andrew McGill, he said, one of his cosmic passages which are now beginning to be reprinted in school books. The blighter writes well. I began to be uneasy lest I should be put through a literary catechism, so I said nothing, but roused peg into an amble. To tell the truth I was more curious to hear the professor talk about his own book than about Andrew's. I had always carefully refrained from reading Andrew's stuff, as I thought it rather dull. As for me, said the professor, I have no facility at the grand style. I have always suffered from the feeling that it's better to read a good book than to write a poor one, and I've done so much mixed reading in my time that my mind is full of echoes and voices of better men. But that book I'm worrying about now really deserves to be written, I think, for it has a message of its own. He gazed almost wistfully across the sunny valley, in the distance I caught a glint of the sound. The professor's faded tweed cap was slanted over one ear, and his stubby little beard shone bright red in the sun. I kept a sympathetic silence. He seemed pleased to have someone to talk to about his precious book. The world is full of great writers about literature, he said, but they're all selfish and aristocratic. Addison, Lamb, Haslett, Emerson, Lowell, take any one you choose. They all conceive the love of books as a rare and perfect mystery for the few. A thing of the secluded study where they can sit alone at night with a candle and a cigar and a glass of port on the table and a spaniel on the hearth rug. What I say is, who has ever gone out into high roads and hedges to bring literature home to the plain man? To bring it home to his business in bosom, as someone says. The farther into the country you go the fewer and worse books you find. I've spent several years juggling around with this citadel of crime, and by the bones of Ben Ezra I don't think I've ever found a really good book, except the Bible, at a farmhouse yet, unless I put it there myself. The mandarins of culture, what do they do to teach the common folk to read? It's no good writing down lists of books for farmers and compiling five-foot shelves. You've got to go out and visit the people yourself. Take the books to them. Talk to the teachers and bully the editors of country newspapers and farm magazines and tell the children's stories. And then, little by little, you begin to get good books circulating in the veins of the nation. It's a great work, mind you. It's like carrying the holy grail to some of these way-back farmhouses. And I wish there were a thousand parnassuses instead of this one. I'd never give it up if it weren't for my book. But I want to write about my ideas in the hope of stirring other folks up, too. I don't suppose there's a publisher in the country will take it. Try Mr. D. Cameron, I said. He's always been very nice to Andrew. Think what it would mean, he cried, waving an eloquent hand, if some rich man would start a fun to equip a hundred or so wagons like this to go huckstering literature around through the rural districts. It would pay, too, once you got started. Yes, by the bones of Webster, I went to a meeting of booksellers once at some hotel in New York, and told them about my scheme. They laughed at me. But I've had more fun toting books around in this parnassus than I could have had in 50 years sitting in a bookstore, or teaching school, or preaching. Life's full of savor when you go creaking along the road like this. Look at today, with the sun and the air and the silver clouds. Best of all, though, I love the rainy days. I used to pull up alongside the road, throw a rubber blanket over peg and Bach, and I would curl up in the bunk and smoke and read. I used to read aloud to Bach. We went through midshipmen easy together, and a good deal of Shakespeare. He's a very bookish dog. We've seen some queer experiences in this parnassus. The hill road from Shelby to Port Vigor is a lonely one, as most of the farmhouses lie down in the valley. If I had known better we might have taken the longer and more populous way, but as a matter of fact I was enjoying the wide view and the solitary road lying white in the sunshine. We jogged along very pleasantly. Once more we stopped at a house where Mifflin pleaded for a chance to exercise his art. I was much amused when he succeeded in selling a copy of Grimm's fairytales to a shrewish spinster on the plea that she would enjoy reading the stories to her nephews and nieces who were coming to visit her. My, he chuckled, as he gave me the dingy quarter he had extracted. There's nothing in that book as grim as she is. A little farther on we halted by a roadside spring to give Peg a drink, and I suggested lunch. I had laid in some bread and cheese in Shelby, and with this and some jam we made excellent sandwiches, as we were sitting by the fence the motor-stage trundled past on its way to Port Vigor. A little distance down the road it halted, and then went on again. I saw a familiar figure walking back toward us. Now I'm in for it, I said to the professor, here's Andrew. End of CHAPTER VI Andrew was just as thin as I am fat, and his clothes hang on him in the most comical way. He is very tall and shambling, wears a ragged beard and a broad stetson hat, and suffers amazingly from hay fever in the autumn. In fact his essay on hay fever is the best thing he ever wrote, I think. As he came striding up the road I noticed how his trousers fluttered at the ankles as the wind plucked at them. The breeze curled his beard back under his chin, and his face was quite dark with anger. I couldn't help being amused, he looked so funny. The sage looks like Bernard Shaw, whispered Mifflin. I always believe in drawing first blood. Good morning, Andrew, I called cheerfully. Want to buy any books? I halted Pegasus, and Andrew stood a little in front of the wheel, partly out of breath, and mostly out of temper. What on earth is this nonsense, Helen? he said angrily. You've led me the deuce of a chase since yesterday. And who is this this person you're driving with? Andrew, I said, you forget your manners. Let me introduce Mr. Mifflin. I have bought his caravan and am taking a holiday selling books. Mr. Mifflin is on his way to Port Vigor, where he has taken the train to Brooklyn. Andrew stared at the professor without speaking. I could tell by the blaze in his light blue eyes that he was thoroughly angry, and I feared things would be worse before they were better. Andrew was slow to wrath, but a very hard person to deal with when roused, and I had some inkling by this time of the professor's temperament. Moreover, I am afraid that some of my remarks had rather prejudiced him against Andrew, and as a brother at any rate, and apart from his excellent prose. Mifflin had the next word. He had taken off his funny little cap and his bare skull shone like an egg. I noticed a sort of fairy ring of tiny drops around his crown. My dear sir, said Mifflin, the proceedings look somewhat unusual, but the facts are simple to narrate. Your sister has bought this van and its contents, and I have been instructing her in my theories of dissemination of good books. You, as a literary man! Andrew paid absolutely no attention to the professor, and I saw a slow tinge flush Mifflin's shallow cheek. Look here, Helen, said Andrew. Do you think I propose to have my sister careening around the state with a strolling vagabond? On my soul you ought to have better sense, and at your age and weight. I got home yesterday and found your ridiculous note. I went to Mrs. Collins and she knew nothing. I went to Mason's and found him wondering who had built his telephone. I suppose you did that. He had seen this freight car of yours and put me on the track. But my God, I never thought to see a woman of forty abducted by gypsies. Mifflin was about to speak, but I waved him back. Now see here, Andrew, I said, you talk too quickly. A woman of forty, you exaggerate, by the way, who has compiled an anthology of six thousand loaves of bread and dedicated it to you deserves some courtesy. When you want to run off on some vagabond tour or other, you don't hesitate to do it. You expect me to stay home and do the lady egg-latine in the poultry-yard. By the ghost of Susan B. Anthony I won't do it. This is the first real holiday I've had in fifteen years and I'm going to suit myself. Andrew's mouth opened, but I shook my fists so convincingly that he halted. I bought this parnassus from Mr. Mifflin Fair and Square for four hundred dollars. That's the price of about thirteen hundred dozen eggs, I said. I had worked this out in my head while Mifflin was talking about his book. The money's mine and I'm going to use it in my own way. Now, Andrew McGill, if you want to buy any books you can parlay with me. Otherwise I'm going on my way. You can expect me back when you see me. I handed him one of Mifflin's little cards, which were in a pocket at the side of the van, and gathered up the reins. I was really angry, for Andrew had been both unreasonable and insulting. Andrew looked at the card and tore it in halves. He looked at the side of the parnassus where the fresh red lettering was still damp. While upon my word he said, you must be crazy. He burst into a violent fit of sneezing, a last touch of hay fever, I suspect, as there was still golden rot in the meadows. He coughed and sneezed furiously, which made him matter than ever. At last he turned to Mifflin, who was sitting bald-headed with a flushed face and very bright eyes. Andrew took him all in, the shabby Norfolk jacket, the bulging memorandum book in his pocket, the stuffed Portmanteau under his foot, even the copy of happiness and hayseed, which had dropped to the floor and laid back up. Look here, you, said Andrew. I don't know by what infernal arts you cajoled my sister away to go vagabonding in a huckster's wagon, but I know this, that if you've cheated her out of her money I'll have the law on you. I tried to insert a word of protest, but matters had gone too far. The professor was as mad as Andrew by now. By the bones of Piers Plowman, he said, I had expected to meet a man of letters and the author of this book, he held up happiness and hayseed. But I see I was mistaken. I tell you, sir, a man who would insult his sister before a stranger as you have done is an oaf and a cad. He threw the book over the hedge, and before I could say a word he had vaulted over the wheel and ran round behind the van. Look here, sir, he said, with this little red-beard bristling. Your sister is overage and acting of her own free will. By the bones of the Baptist I don't blame her for wanting a vacation if this is the way you treat her. She is nothing to me, sir, and I am nothing to her, but I propose to be a teacher to you. Put up your hands and I'll give you a lesson. This was too much for me. I believe I screamed aloud and started to clamor from the van. But before I could do anything the two fanatics had begun to pummel each other. I saw Andrew swing savagely at Mifflin, and Mifflin hit him square on the chin. Andrew's hat fell on the road. Peg stood placidly, and Bach made as if to grab Andrew's leg, but I hopped out and seized him. It was certainly a weird sight. I suppose I should have wrung my hands and had hysterics, but as a matter of fact I was almost amused. It was so silly. Thank goodness the road was deserted. Andrew was a foot taller than the professor but awkward, loosely knit and unmuscular, while the little red-beard was as wiry as a cat. Also Andrew was so furious that he was quite beside himself, and Mifflin was in the cold anger that always wins. Andrew landed a couple of flailing blows on the other man's chest and shoulders, but in thirty seconds he got another punch on the chin, followed by one to the nose that tumbled him over backwards. Andrew sat on the road fishing for a handkerchief, and Mifflin stood glaring down at him, but looking very ill at ease. Neither of them said a word. Bach broke away from me and capered and danced about Mifflin's feet as if it were all a game. It was an extraordinary scene. Andrew got up mopping his bleeding nose. Upon my soul he said, I almost respect you for that punch, but by Jove I'll have the law on you for kidnapping my sister. You're a fine kind of pirate. Mifflin said nothing. Don't be a fool, Andrew, I said. Can't you see that I want a little adventure of my own? Go home and bake six thousand loaves of bread, and by the time they're done I'll be back again. I think two men of your age ought to be ashamed of yourselves. I'm going off to sell books. And with that I climbed up into the seat and clucked to Pegasus. Andrew and Mifflin and Bach remained standing in the road. I was mad all the way through. I was mad at both men for behaving like schoolboys. I was mad at Andrew for being so unreasonable, yet in a way I admired him for it. I was mad at Mifflin for giving Andrew a bloody nose, and yet I appreciated the spirit in which it was done. I was mad at myself for causing all the trouble, and I was mad at Parnassus. If there had been a convenient cliff handy I would have pushed the old thing over it. But now I was in for it and just had to go on. Slowly I rolled up a long grade and then saw Port Vigor lying ahead and the broad blue stretches of the sound. Parnassus rumbled on with its pleasant creek and the mellow sun and the sweep of the air soon soothed me. I began to taste salt in the wind and above the meadows two or three seagulls were circling. Like all women my angry mood melted into a reaction of exaggerated tenderness, and I began to praise both Andrew and Mifflin in my heart. How fine to have a brother so solicitous of his sister's welfare and reputation, and yet how splendid the little scrawny professor had been. How quick to resent an insult and how bold to avenge it. His absurd little tweed cap was lying on the seat, and I picked it up almost sentimentally. The lining was frayed and torn. From my suitcase in the van I got out a small sewing-kit and, hanging the reins on a hook, I began to stitch up the rents, as Peg jogged along. I fought with amusement of the quaint life Mr. Mifflin had led in his caravan of culture. I imagined him addressing the audience of Whitman Disciples in Camden, and wondered how the fuss ended. I imagined him in his beloved Brooklyn, strolling in Prospect Park, and preaching to chance comers his gospel of good books. How different was his militant love of literature from Andrew's quiet satisfaction. And yet how much they really had in common. It tickled me to think of Mifflin reading aloud from happiness and hay-seed, and praising it so highly, just before fighting with the author and giving him a bloody nose. I remembered that I should have spoken to Andrew about feeding the hens, and reminded him of his winter undergarments. What helpless creatures men are, after all. I finished mending the cap in high good humour. I had hardly laid it down when I heard a quick step in the road behind me, and looking back there was Mifflin, striding along with his bald paint covered with little beads of moisture. Brock trotted stately at his heels. I halted Peg. Well, I said, what's happened to Andrew? The Professor still looked a bit shame-faced. The sage is a tenacious person, he said. We argued for a bit without much satisfaction. As a matter of fact we nearly came to blows again, only he got another waft of goldenrod which started him sneezing, and then his nose began to bleed once more. He is convinced that I'm a ruffian, and said so in excellent prose. Honestly, I admire him a great deal. I believe he intends to have the law on me. I gave him my Brooklyn address in case he wants to follow the matter up. I think I rather pleased him by asking him to autograph happiness and hay-seed for me. I found it lying in the ditch. Well, I said, you two are certainly a great pair of lunatics. You both ought to go on the stage. You'd be as good as Weber in Fields. Did he give you an autograph? He pulled the book out of his pocket. Scrawled in it in pencil were the words, I have shed blood for Mr. Mifflin. Andrew McGill. I shall read the book again with renewed interest, said Mifflin. May I get in? By all means, I said, there's Port Vigor in front of us. He put on his cap, noticed that it seemed to feel different, pulled it off again, and then looked at me in quaint embarrassment. You are very good, Miss McGill, he said. Where did Andrew go, I asked. He set off for Shelby on foot, Mifflin answered. He had a grand stride for walking. He suddenly remembered that he had left some potatoes boiling on the fire yesterday afternoon and said he must get back to attend to them. He said he hoped you would send him a postal card now and then. Do you know, he reminds me of Thoreau more than ever? He reminds me of a burnt cooking-pot, I said. I suppose all my kitchenware will be in a horrible state when I get home.