 Hi, everyone. This is Victoria English, top coach with Project 90. I am taking over James's podcast yet again. And I have the honor of interviewing a wonderful member of our community, someone that I just adore. She brings so much to our group, such a great personality, and has so much to share after recently completing 90 days with Project 90. She has been alcohol-free for about 95, 96 days, something like that. So she is just crushing life. And she has done the honor of interviewing with me today. Melissa Higgins is from Pennsylvania. She lives in a small rural area about an hour outside of Philadelphia. She's married to John. She has five children. She works in a commission job. And when she came to Project 90, she stated that she had a lot of stress in her life, a lot of anxiety, so much so that she would wake up in the middle of the night feeling it. She is in her 50s. And like many of us who are at that age, she wants to enjoy life and recognize that alcohol was taken away from that, from her quality of life, from her ability to enjoy things. So she joined us. And through this journey, has shared that she has gotten to know herself better, has learned a lot about herself. And she told us that people would often tell her that, Melissa, you are one of the most optimistic people we have ever known. So we'll ask her more about that. So please join me in welcoming Melissa Higgins. Hi, Melissa. Hey, Victoria. It's day 98. I'm so close to the 100. Whoa. Yeah. 98 days. Before we dig into your story, how do you feel today? 98 days alcohol-free. I feel fantastic. I feel great. I feel excited about the future. I feel like, why did I wait so long? I physically and mentally feel better in everyone. Yes. And I've had the joy of watching Melissa and coaching her through this journey. And the physical change that occurs, and I know you see this in our other members, Melissa, but the physical changes that occur at even 30 days and then getting to 90 and now beyond 90, it's just incredible. Your face is so much brighter. Your skin's clearer. Your face is thinner. Your hair shinier. Your eyes are sparkly. It's amazing. Do you see that change in yourself? I do. A big smile on my face. I do. I think I'm less puffy and physically. I mean, that waking up in the middle of the night, I still have a very stressful position at work, but I do not wake up in the middle of the night at all. Most nights. And maybe it's just to use the bathroom. Yes. But I was waking up and I couldn't get back to sleep. And now my sleep pattern is better. I have lost weight, although I haven't, and I haven't even dieted. I have always been a healthy eater, so I'm eating healthfully and I'm thinking tackling one thing at a time. I didn't put too much on myself mentally. I always try to eat healthy, but I thought I'm not gonna push the weight loss. And I have, it just comes off when you're not drinking but and drinking so much more water and good things. But yeah, I thought I'm gonna do it slow, lose weight slowly, healthfully, keep it off. Nothing like gung-ho, you know what I mean? I wanted to just kind of ride it out and do all the right things and take my time with it. For sure. And that's something that you've probably heard us talk about on our group coaching calls. Oftentimes people come in and they start to feel great when they give up the alcohol and then they decide, you know, I think I'll give up dairy and gluten and I think I'll start training for a 10K. And I think I'm gonna start that memoir I've always wanted to write. And that's wonderful. And that's what the Beyond 90 is about, but you had the right attitude in just taking one thing at a time because giving up alcohol is a big deal. Yeah. A lot of layers. So just let the feelings come, let the process happen, don't stress about one thing, don't stress about another thing, just kind of let it unfold. And I just can't believe how fast it went too. It's just crazy. I know. It's been such a great experience. Thank you. Thank you. Yep. Well, it's great to have, I mean, all of our members, we have such a great community and so much so that Melissa is even organizing a get-together in New York City with some of our members. So that's just an example of how close we get in this community. We're literally from certainly different states, but different continents. And that's how connected we all become. It's a really special, special experience. You know what? It really is. Why could jump in? I am just astounded at what a loving, connected community. And I've met so many people and we really do wanna stay in contact in that trip that you're talking about. I mean, people wanting to come from California, Arizona, Ireland willing to jump on a plane and so we can all meet in person. And I just found that to be so, you know the word, like heart and heart, it's more than heartwarming. It's just like, wow. It's as well. It's mind-blowing. And you have people come in and they think, okay, I have an issue with alcohol, whether it's a big issue or a small issue, whether it's just, you know, they feel a little groggy and tired and they're not as productive or they're, you know, really having issues where it's affecting their family and their career and even their health. You know, we have members where their doctors are saying, okay, you gotta take a break. But it is amazing when you come in and you realize it is so much more and we'll get into that as well. It is so much more. And you're right. I mean, I never had horrible blood work, but I just had my blood done and it's just like, not perfect. Almost, it's like, great. It's my cholesterol is better than it had been for the past three times. And like I said, nothing was ever alarming. I never had a doctor telling me you have to do change your lifestyle, but the proof is in the results. So there you go. For sure. And you and I are both in our fifties. And so we can attest to how things don't come so easily anymore. You know, it's, you don't just go in and take it for granted that you'll have perfect blood work. You oftentimes, I mean, with the hormonal changes that we go through the weight gain, even if it's not substantial where you're like, oh my gosh, I don't fit in anything in my closet. It's so much harder for the weight to come off and our metabolism naturally slows down. And yeah, when you remove the alcohol, it just, it does give you quite an advantage. Yeah, yeah, it is amazing. I have a pretty serious back issue as well. I used to be a real exercise advocate and exercise constantly and at the gym every day. And I came down with, I don't know, I guess, spondyl lysis. I don't even know how to say it. Final sciosis. I have, I have a fusion, one fusion and now I have a fracture below it. I need another one. So it's really hampered my ability to exercise. But so I need to try to get back to at least doing the PT for my lower back and strengthen up my core. But hey, being alcohol-free, that was one of the things I think that really got me, my daughter's in the fitness and nutrition industry and she just felt that the inflammation from the alcohol, no matter how much, it wasn't a lot of alcohol or she felt that it would be to my advantage to not drink. For sure. Yeah, alcohol, if our listeners don't know it, alcohol is one of the absolute most inflammatory things that you can put into your body. So any of those normal, you had an exceptional issue with your back, but just the normal things that happen as we age, as you know, I'm a Pilates teacher, a nutritionist, I've always been very fit, but still you wake up in the morning, you're just a little more stiff and things are not quite as loose as they used to be. And yeah, the alcohol just makes it so much worse. It is, it's harder to take the weight off now and that did not help. It didn't, I know. So let's just learn more about you, Melissa. Talk to me a little bit about where you grew up and what your childhood was like. Oh gosh, I'm the youngest of six children. I grew up in the area. I've not strayed far from home or my siblings. Had a wonderful childhood with loving parents and non-drinkers. I mean, they were people, my mother, I think never, she was raising six children. My father worked very hard and did well. And yeah, I had a fantastic childhood. My siblings, you all get along. We're all fairly close. I have one brother that lives further out in Washington state on the other side of the country. But yeah, it was a great childhood. And like I said, I had parents that were not drinkers. My father occasionally, but so, I mean, that didn't affect me at all. Yeah, I always like to learn about people's backgrounds because often it's assumed that if alcohol becomes an issue in someone's life that, oh gosh, they must have grown up around it or maybe their parents too much. That's not always the case. I think, and we'll get into, of course, you and I have strong feelings about society and the way women are targeted with alcohol. We all are, but I take a special issue with the way women are targeted. So that's why I like to learn about people's backgrounds. So you were not exposed to heavy drinking or anything like that. No, not at all. It wasn't until probably, even I had kids early. I got married very young-ish and had kids early. So I wasn't even really drinking during that time. I would have wine, but of course, I don't want to add a baby every other year. So it was the nine months of not, and then I would have red wine was kind of my drink then. I think it wasn't until in my 30s really when we moved to our current neighborhood when the kids were right before they started kindergarten. And it was a really social neighborhood. I mean, neighborhood parties every day, like, other week. I mean, like I said, everyone has to fit a few acres of land and we'd have bonfires and they'd be on four-wheelers and the parents would all be around drinking. Yes. Probably while it was dangerous, while the kids were playing bonfires and setting off fireworks and- Ah! I want to go bonfire. They probably were really crazy. But you know, it was a good time and everyone had a great time. And so I think that's probably when really I probably started drinking on a daily basis. So what I hear you saying is that it was never an issue. You were pregnant every other year. I was the same way. I had my first three and four years. Was it two and three or four years too? Yeah, so alcohol was certainly not part of my life and then of course the nursing and the sleepless nights, there's no space for drinking in that time. But it sounds like we differ a little bit because as I've shared in my story, I was a quote normal drinker until my mom died suddenly. I was left with a lot of trauma and began self-medicating with alcohol. So mine wasn't so social. So that's an interesting thing. So it sounds like you were just with all the parents having neighborhood parties and then were you surprised to find yourself drinking as much as you were? Not at that time. And probably, I mean, some things similar to you, I did lose both of my parents. My mom died and then my dad just kind of gave up. And that was really sad because I felt like maybe like we weren't enough for him to want to keep on going but they were married, gosh, almost 60 years and she was just a love of his life and he just didn't want to be here without her. So that was very sad and depressing. My back issues didn't help. So but yeah, I think it started out as a social thing. And then it's like the stress from work, you come home, I have a stressful job and it is commission. I'm in new construction, real estate. So it's a little bit of high pressure. So I think it started to become just that what's my reason that I wanna drink today? I'd make it out of my head, maybe on the way home in the morning I'd say, well, I'm not gonna drink tonight. I don't wanna drink. But then it would become like I'd come home, first thing I do, kiss at the counter. I'm not even changed yet because that's why I come home, I get changed. I take off my work clothes and put on like, if you saw me after as the air goes to a ponytail, I'm in with my pants, I'm in the sweatshirt. It's a complete transformation. I would have that, I'd have to have that drink before I even did that. The kiss at the counter for myself a glass of wine or whatever I did, drinks with a stronger alcohol as well like vodka or tequila. But I'd have to have that first like couple sips and then get changed. And I would also like to, I like to cook. So it was kind of my ritual of having a glass of wine or something while I was cooking. And my husband, maybe you would have it and he's my husband's not a drinker. So that really helped. But he'd have something and then we'd have to have a glass of wine with dinner. So it was kind of like continuing from coming over from work and the whole cooking ritual. And it seemed like looking back, I was looking for as much as, so I'm probably jumping ahead to when this all started to why I felt like I wanted to stop this. Yeah. Yeah. I want to touch on something before you get to that part because what you said was interesting. And I want our listeners to understand something. Very often, naturally when we're socializing and because of society, everyone drinks. It's just what you do. It's important to understand that even when we are drinking socially and having fun and maybe not really suffering any consequences other than a little hangover the next day and kind of laugh it off and all the parents are kind of joking about, oh, we had a little too much last night. Let's go a layer deeper because what's happening there is you are setting up neural pathways in your brain that expect that addictive substance. When something stressful happens and it sounds like obviously the loss of both of your parents within, it sounds like a pretty short time. Say about a year and a half. Oh gosh. Okay. So Melissa lost both of her parents to whom she was very close, a close knit family. If you listened to what she just said she went from the social part of having fun with the neighborhood and that's great and fun. But then you hear it shift a little. Maybe she was still drinking with the social gatherings and everything but you hear that shift in the meaning she attached to wine. It sounds to me and correct me if I'm wrong. It sounds like it went from being something that was just really fun to something that you attach to the end of the day stress release, time to relax, time to numb out a little bit. Yeah, exactly. And now all that. Yep, yep. So that's an important thing as if you're listening to understand about how insidious this can be. So for me it was definitely more of just a big moment because I lost my mother. I was having, it was 1999. So we didn't know what we know now about anxiety and panic attacks but I had been a runner all of a sudden I couldn't run. I couldn't catch my breath. I was having anxiety. I needed to see a doctor but I didn't know. And that's where my drinking took a hard left. Melissa, if you are listening closely it was a little more insidious but the meaning that you attached to it changed. So I think that's really interesting and really helpful for our listeners to kind of look back on their experience with alcohol and go, huh. Yeah, I can identify when it changed a little bit. Yeah, you saw that. I didn't think about it until you said it that maybe it started out as fun and then layers of life, like things happen and then it could change into something. Right, right. Well, it's like I'm a coach or something. Really? I know, how did you, yeah, it's amazing. I think I spent a lot of time thinking about alcohol. Well, but in a good way now, not like I used to. I used to spend a lot of time thinking about alcohol and when I could get it again. But anyway. Tonight. Yeah, that's very telling. That's very telling. So, okay, so then you move into, all right, I'm working so much, I've lost my parents. I need wine to relax. Wine signifies relaxation just like my sweatpants and a ponytail at the end of the day. That's true. And I didn't work when my kids were young. So that was different, you're right. It kind of compiled into then I started working full-time when they were older with a stressful position and yeah, I'd come home, like I said, hit the keys at the counter and would have a drink and I feel that it went on for a time. And then I started with every morning thinking, well, this will be the day. I really think that I need to stop. And at some point during the day, my mind would shift and I find that reason whether you create it with, I still have the same stress that work. I still have the same things happening, but you have to make that decision. You just have to make the decision. And I think even my husband was like, I can't believe that you did this, like you just did this to you. It's just project 90. I'll tell the listeners made it so easy. And I know that sounds crazy because if you're out there and you're thinking I do the same thing every day and I wanna do it today, I'm gonna think I can't. It was like magic. I think a lot of it is the community. Yes. The coaching, the interval coaching, the calls, but they probably don't know there's a market full of community where everyone can post a video and talk to each other. And I'll tell you, I looked forward to my ride into work and my ride home. I just couldn't wait until I could put the turn that on and hear everyone and then respond, reply or do my own. It really, and I was reluctant in the beginning, I have to say, I was a little reluctant, don't like to be on video, but I do it a lot for work now. We have to do a lot with videos in Zoom calls and team calls and bomb, bomb videos and talking to people through video because people really feel that connection. So it became easier and easier. And I'll tell you, I just love it and look forward to it. And it has made it, I'll tell everyone out there, super easy. When you were, when you talk about before Project 90 and you said, okay, today is the day. Did you, did you attempt moderation or did you say, you know what, this is just too much, I'm stopping? I think, yeah, I attempted moderation and achieved that at times. And, you know, we'd maybe go 30 days or maybe even try to maybe just have a drink on the weekends, but, you know, it just always seemed to creep back in to maybe then it would be, okay, I'll have a just drink all the weekends, but maybe then Monday night was really stressful and I had meetings all day. And now I'm gonna get a glass of wine. So then one turns into two and two turns into three. Yes. And then we're opening a while of wine a night and sharing it, you know. Right, right. And I think that's so common. We all have gone through that where we say, okay, you know, I'm just gonna have one or I'm going to have it on Friday, but, you know, Wednesday's really tough. So I'm just, I deserve it. Right, right. Yeah, yeah, let's talk a little bit. And I love what you're saying about the Project 90 community. And you've been, again, like I said, such a big part of it. And that is a key to success is getting involved in being vulnerable with the group and sharing and taking an interest in others. When you, I lost my train of thought. I had something I was gonna say. No, that's taking an interest in others. I think that is so important. And it's because I think I remember my first Zoom call. I hate to even admit this. I was like, oh, I don't know if this is for me. I don't wanna hear, I can't listen to more problems because it makes me depressed. And then, you know, maybe I'll direct it. I'm so embarrassed to say that, but it feels so differently. And I think from that time on with the next one, you just have to really listen to people. And I think it is a big part of it and get taking an interest in other people, what they're going through and what brought them to this point in their lives and how you can contribute. And this is, even with the Mark of Holes, just amazing how you're not even talking face to face. You're doing videos, but it's just the secret sauce of it all, as we say. And then Zoom calls it, just hearing people and listening to them, and everyone's so positive. And that's the other thing. It's not, no one's branding you because many of us, you're not really an alcoholic. You just don't wanna drink as much. And you can see that it's affecting your life. It's affecting how you wake up. And I never really had a hangover. I always was someone who, you know, if I say I'm gonna do something I show up, I push through, get up one time, I'm at 100%, but, you know, and now I feel like maybe you're not really 100%, but you thought you were 100% because now you're clearer, you're more clarity, you wake up with energy and, you know, can, you know, have more ideas during the day and you feel like you wanna do more. So yeah, total shift in thinking. You thought you were 100%, but you're really, probably not. Yeah, there's so much in there. You know, and when people come to our community, again, like I said, it's not that your life is falling apart and it's not that you're waking up every day and you can't even get out of bed because your hangover is so severe. It's just like you said, like you thought you were doing great, but when you have that clarity and the alcohols out of your system, you realize that even a couple of glasses of wine is dimming you down, kind of dimming your light and your productivity. And it sounds to me, it also dimmed down and shifted your perspective on things, your ability to handle stress. Yeah, definitely, absolutely. I have a dog that just came in here, by the way, as I'm scratching my face, when I'm cleaning you down here like this, it's a dog. I've got two upstairs, don't worry. Don't assume, but this one likes to see her voices. So she may... Oh, we don't mind. We'll talk to him or her. I heard your dog show. So yeah, she's here, but if anyone has that feeling, it's probably true and you can probably benefit from taking a break. And I didn't really, even from the beginning, commit to being alcohol-free forever. I said, well, do the 90 days re-evaluate, just kind of like the dieting and see where I'm at with it. And yeah, I can say that I don't have a desire and maybe we can, you want to bring up later, like society or it's almost insulting now, sometimes when you go out and it's the first thing someone will say is what do you want to drink? And I thought that that was going to be hard for me. And I've been to now with the Fourth of July and we had a lot of birthdays that have been coming up as part of this through the Project 90. And you know what? It's really not that hard and it's not that hard to go out and be in a group. And I've still been a fun person, I was always fun. You're just as much fun, people. You're just as much fun. Yeah. Drink, actually you watch people and you can be more fun because you're in control of what you're saying and doing and what you're saying and doing. And you watch other people and you think it's kind of a transformation where you think, wow, I'm so glad that I'm not doing that or maybe I'm not getting a little loose with what I'm saying and my body language. So you really do look at it kind of differently. For sure. Yeah, we talk a lot about alcohol and society and what Melissa and I are saying here, it's certainly no judgment on anyone. It's just kind of one of those things where you don't know what you don't know. I didn't realize how ingrained alcohol is into our society. You're right, everywhere we go, like, well, what are you drinking? Oh my gosh, it's been so stressful. COVID was so hard. We need to drink to get through it. We need to drink now that we're out of it or coming out of it. Like we got to celebrate. We got to blow off steam. Let's drink and you're right. You know, like when now you look, sounds like you look through a different lens. What are some of the biggest things you've observed in society and marketing? You really do. I mean, how they make it look so sexy. You have to have a drink in your hand or everyone looks really great. And I mean, the advertising, I mean, they're selling it. They're selling the poison, the attractively packaged poison. And as James says, and the smiling assassins that want you to come at you from everywhere. I think my first experience going out was with a couple of neighbors, a couple of women when we get together, we'll go out for appetizers and drinks and I said, sure. Let's go. So my one neighbor was kind of, she backed off and it was like, oh, come on, you have to have a drink. Oh, you have to have a drink, come on. Oh, come on, you have to have a drink. She kept saying it. I'm like, no, I really don't want to. And I just kind of blew it off. I didn't tell anyone. I was at that point in this project 90. I just said, you know, I'm trying to not be, I used my back sort of as a excuse and trying not to be inflammatory. And I just really didn't want to drink. And then we had a great time. And she had two martinis and that was fine. And I was kind of, it was funny. I was as much as I would go out and have probably two drinks when I would go out. It was amazing how I was concerned with her driving home. And my other neighbor only had one drink. And the one that was drinking kind of forced her to order a second one. And she didn't drink it, she didn't want it. And she took a sip of it, which I thought was pretty good. And I was kind of concerned for her driving home. And then I thought, well, I've done that a million times. For sure. I've done it a million times, but looking at her. So I said the next time I said, well, I'll be the driver. I'll be the neighborhood. Cause we live in the same neighborhood, but one was coming to work. One was coming from here, coming from there. So we weren't coming from the same location, but like I'll be the driver. And the other thing I've noticed on a positive note is how many people don't drink or don't want to drink. And I thought it was normal to go out and have a couple of drinks. And you know what, there are a lot of people that also feel like they just, maybe it's health. They want to be the healthiest version of themselves. They started working out and they feel someone said to me, well, I'm not going to, it's counterproductive to what I'm trying to do. And so I've decided not to drink. And I think you meet more and more people that are like, you know, we're not going to be, we're not going to be affected by all this advertising and what we're supposed to be doing and what, what looks cool or sexy or fun. I can be just as much fun with, I put in a wine glass usually in lime or some kind of fruit with sparkling water. And hey, the stores all have some really great flavors now like key lime or, you know, black cherry vanilla, orange pineapple, they're delicious. And it's sparkling water. I always like fizzy water. And there's some out there that don't have the fizz for those folks that don't like this. But, but so that was a really positive thing that I noticed that there are people out there that a lot of people that I know that really kind of don't drink too much. Don't drink, yeah. Yeah, I think I just be cool or just sexy. Right. And, and, you know, when you're going back to talking about like coming home and, you know, keys on the counter, hair in a ponytail, glass of wine, that is simply a ritual. And, you know, as I mentioned earlier, those are creating neural pathways that your brain says, ah, it's this time of day. This is what we do. And James and I talk about and suggest ways to recreate that ritual so that, yes, we are signaling the end of the day. It's relaxation time. And, yeah, a fancy glass, some, you know, rosemary sprigs or frozen fruit or whatever it is, so that you feel like, ah, I am having a treat. I'm having something special. But what are we really missing out on? Calories and inflammatory substance, you know, fogginess. And questioning if we should drive. I mean, gosh, have you ever read like how little it takes to be considered to impaired to drive, to drinks, to drinks. And you are over the legal limit. Yeah. That's pretty scary. Another funny thing. So, when I found out someone that didn't drink, my assistant at work, my in his 20s, very well put together, super smart. And he noted it, like they'll ask what we want at work and they'll actually order us whatever we want, drinks, snacks, not alcohol, of course. But so I was ordering a bunch of the different sparkling waters. And I had mentioned, I think, that I wasn't drinking or I really was trying not to drink. And he admitted that he had not had a drink in four years. He never had a problem. Uh-huh. A young guy, social life, you know, not married yet, going out. And I said, so, Kevin, why don't you drink? Why did you decide to give that up entirely four years ago? He's like, you know, I just found that I make better decisions in life. And I just thought, wow, for a young guy, we didn't have a problem to admit that and just voluntarily say, you know what? I think I'm a better version of myself when I'm not drinking. I was so proud of him. I'm like, that's fantastic. Good for you. Yeah, and you know, one thing about 2021 is, so we, of course, there's lots of divisiveness over certain things, but being an independent thinker is encouraged. You know, it's okay to kind of go against the grain and say, you know, I think this about this topic or no, actually that doesn't resonate with me. I believe this about this topic. So for those of you out there who think, well, I don't know, everyone I know drinks and how am I ever gonna navigate social situations? It's a good thing to go against the grain. It's a good thing to make your own choices, to make conscious choices. And that's what we do at Project 90. We don't say to anyone, okay, 90 days is just the start. You can never, ever, ever have a drink again. If you do, then you have a problem and you're a failure. It's not about that. It's just like what I'm hearing you say, you're just opening your eyes to what it looks like without alcohol and then you make an informed decision. Yeah. You know what alcohol is as a substance now. You know what it does to our bodies and brains, even a little bit. You see, you know, it's like the blinders have been lifted and like King, the dog, I mean, you know, our favorite horse in the community. Our horse, I mean, around here. But the blinders are off. But the blinders are off and you can see it in society and how it's imposed upon us. And then the level of self, you see that, you know, I actually feel really comfortable without it. I feel good. And I would imagine that feels pretty empowering. It does. You know, I can set the example. I can be the ringleader. I can be the one that starts it and maybe people will follow without pressure, of course, because I know how I was and how, you know, and that wouldn't have bothered me because like I said, I wasn't someone who was laying in the gutter. Right. It wasn't that way at all. Just wanting to be that person that people thought was the most optimistic person they ever met. And I feel like when I was drinking, that wasn't me. It was me. I didn't wake up feeling like the most positive person. I didn't think I can be that as much. And maybe other people thought that even so, but I didn't feel it inside. And I felt like, I just felt like, you know, and with my kids getting to the point where maybe they're gonna have children and I felt like I was being destructive to myself. And I felt like, you know what? It's only a matter of time when all this adds up if I didn't have issues with my inner organs and body now, I will at some point at this stage. And if I kept it up, it's gonna have to affect me in some way, I thought. So I thought, you know what? I wanna live a long life. I wanna be here for them. I wanna enjoy the life that I have before I get hit with a major health issue. And you know that from going through cancer. I think it changes your mindset. And thank God I didn't have a major health issue to make me think like, wow, you didn't ding bell, like you did. Yeah, yeah. You deal it, like change, you know, you can change. And you cannot have this habit. And you know, the rest of your life is gonna be better. The rest of your life is gonna be full of other opportunities because you're not destroying the body that you have slowly. And I mean, even if you're not a heavy drinker, people out there, I mean, it's gonna have to take a toll over time. If you're having one or two drinks a day or having one drink a day or three drinks a day, in some way as you age, you know, we're not 20 anymore or 30, it's gonna make a difference. And I just wanted to live a better life and felt that mentally, physically and every way, this is gonna help. And I think it has, I know it has. Yeah, yeah, it has, I love what you're saying. You talked earlier about how when you were in that habit of having the wine that, and I totally relate to it, you know, like whatever, something would happen in the day that would give you a reason in quotation marks to that wine. And when you come into Project 90, life still happens. Things go great and then some things don't go great. We still have stress. Talk to me a little bit about how that has shifted for you. You still have the same work, you still have the same pressures, things are gonna happen. What's that experience been like for you when you're driving down the road and you're like, oh, today was stressful, this would have been, because I do that with myself, I'll have a day and I'll go, oh, this would have been a day where I would have had a real good reason to open that bottle of wine. What are those days like now? It's really funny. It's so hard to answer that. I do still have those days. And occasionally I'll say, oh, I really wish I could have, I'd really like to have a drink, or I really wish I could have a drink. And you know what? I really don't mean it. And I'll say that too. Mine is really, really, as we were out to dinner once and oddly out of habit, he was having a bourbon. He's like, I don't have, he's someone that has one and he's done. Yeah. I had one that I have to have two. Yes. He actually handed it to me to taste it. I'm like, what are you doing? Like, what are you doing? You know I'm not drinking. And he was like, oh my gosh, I didn't mean to. Right. But I didn't even want it, Victoria. I didn't even want it. And I do have the same days. I have the same stress. I have the same family issues or you know, your husband, or not even your husband. It doesn't even matter what it is. It could be like, you didn't make the green light. I don't know. I don't know. But something has shifted where I don't even, I don't think about that anymore when I come home. I don't want the drink. I mean, I know now that for now, I just say that for now, I'm going to stick with it. I don't think there's any reason for me to want to have a drink at a wedding, at a party, at a barbecue, at just, I don't feel the need. And I feel like I'm just as much fun. Sometimes I almost feel like I'm getting a little buzz off my water. Like it's just because you're having, it may be it's just natural high. I'm just having a good time, but it's funny, I've actually felt that. And I'm thinking, oh my gosh, I didn't have a drink and I'm actually feeling like kind of happy. And that will happen. I guarantee people out there it will happen and it's weird. But you almost feel like you have that buzz and maybe you're just having fun. Yes. And that's a big thing to talk about too. Like what are we, when we go to those bonfires, when we go to those weddings, when we come home after a long day at work and we want to unwind, what are we really seeking? Connection, laughter, relaxation, fun, making memories. Yeah, maybe trying to relieve that stress, but you know what, it's not really stress because it's only going to cause you more stress down the road. Like how, you know, is it going to be to try to not do this anymore? Right. And you don't need that stress. And this program is just, like I said, it's some kind of magic, but it does work. Yeah. And I went 90 days straight and I didn't feel like it was difficult. I didn't feel like I really felt like I was going to lose it any time. I never thought about it. And if you do, open up a mark of holo or reach out to a coach or there's always someone there to help you. And believe it or not, if a coach isn't available, there's people in the mark of holo that put themselves out there, call me. And I've done it too. If you're having a rough day, hey, reach out, reach out to someone because someone's going to help you. Someone's going to talk to you. Someone's going to talk you off the ledge or someone's going to say, what's really going on? What's really going on that's making you feel this way or making you want to have a drink? Because most times it's really nothing and it can be avoided. And it's something else you can do. It's a feeling. Yeah. And when you talk about connection and fun and laughter and memories, it sounds like what you're saying is being part of Project 90 kind of provides the things that alcohol promises but fails to deliver. Yeah. That sounds like a good point. Very true. Yeah. That's the real question. Does alcohol deliver on its promises? That's a good point. May get you to that feeling of the buzz, but what else? You know, maybe you're feeling looser to pick a fight with your spouse. Maybe you're nice to your children and not that I'm saying I didn't need that, but I'm talking about anybody. Like, what does it actually do for you? I mean, and I was someone that even liked the taste. I liked the taste of it. I mean, I enjoyed it. I definitely enjoyed it. I enjoyed everything about it, but I'm enjoying how I feel and how I am more. Exactly. I feel like I have more control. I feel like I'm... Well, my kids will tell me I'm a control freak or I like everything just so. I'm very... So I'm in control now. I feel like I have much more control over myself and it's a really good feeling. Yes. It's a great feeling. And I love what you said about getting the buzz from the sparkly water. I'm like, am I really just drinking water? Yeah, yeah. What's in this? What's in this? No, I totally get it, though. And I love asking our members or seeing our members when they have that first really huge belly laugh on a call or something, or they're on Marco Polo and they're just lighting up and they're like, what is this? Oh my gosh. And they're realizing like, oh yeah, this is how we're supposed to feel. These are the natural highs in life. It is possible to feel without a call, definitely. And you'll sleep better and you'll be more productive and more aware. And you know what, after that party, you're gonna remember the good time that you had. Yes, right. Because you're having true connection with someone, not just blah, blah, blah over some drinks and not really connecting. And yeah, you're right. You remember everything about it. Yeah, honestly, everyone else was acting because they were drinking. Right, exactly. They won't be like, that's what you said. That's what you did. I know. I'm always like, oh my gosh, was I like that? Oh my gosh, I would. Now, I love that about being in control. It does feel good to have, because like you said, it's not like you were a hot mess or anything. And we were just having a quote, good time, but it can be better. And we are at that age where we question things. And we think, am I living the best life I could? Is alcohol helping me live that best life? Probably not. Probably not, yeah. And if it's not, then come make some friends. Hey, you're making friends with a group of people with similar lifestyle, similar goals that all of us want a better life. Everyone wants sort of the same thing in the group. We're all after achieving the same thing. And if anyone's been involved, I've never been involved in any other programs for quitting alcohol. Like I've heard some horror stories about AA and people that have done that. And from what I've heard, this program is a polar opposite. It's not as positive and people sharing. And like I said, people with the same kind of goal. So everyone's trying to get to the same place of just having a better life and being present for your family and your friends and maybe just yourself. For sure, for sure. And being in a program like this, what I always say, people say, what's the difference between like this and therapy or AA or whatever? And I'm an advocate for all good things if it helps somebody do it. But in our program, we look at the past and we go, okay, this is what I was like. This is kind of what happened. And we go, okay, let's talk about today. Let's get the alcohol out of your system. And then let's look at the future. And that is so fun as a coach. And I'm sure as a member of our community to see that transformation in people, to see them come in and then they just, like I said in the beginning, the hair is shinier, the eyes are sparkling again. And they start to dream and they start to think big again. And they're like, you know, I think I'd really like to do this or I've really improved my relationship with my spouse or my kids. Oh my gosh, this happened at work. And it's like, it's just magic. It is magic. It's so hard to explain how easy it's been. Yeah, it's just been the easiest thing. And so worth it. I agree. I agree. And something like this is not meant to be done alone. It's meant to be done with others. Definitely. Definitely. And that's been one of the main things what are the other people. The group that you meet in our graduating class has been the best. An amazing group. Just such an incredible group of people. Wonderful people, incredible people. Yeah, so much so that there's gonna be an international reunion. Yes, for sure. We're gonna do that, get that together. That's gonna be it. And go out to lunch and order a drink. I have a question. What would, what do you think, what would the Melissa before Project 90 think of the Melissa today? She would be very proud of her. She would say, what the heck took you so long? Cause I had been getting on James for years. And kind of reading them and look at the little videos and like, yeah, okay. And I don't know, something one day was like, bam, I'm gonna do this. And I went and had a serious conversation with my husband and showed him one of the emails and said, you know what? I think, I think I wanna do this. And he was unbelievably supportive from the echo. Like bam, just totally supportive. And so I would tell that Melissa like, gosh, why didn't you respond to, like I responded to the emails too even earlier and we had conversations but I never did it. We'd say why didn't you do it sooner? But I guess, you know, everyone has to do it at their own time and there's a right time for everyone. And don't be hard on yourself, care about yourself. Don't knock yourself because you don't feel like you can't do it yet or because, you know, you're not ready. But just, I think, yeah, I don't know. I just would be really proud of whatever you've wished. I bet, good job. Good job, yeah, for sure. Yeah, and this is, you know, you don't have to, it doesn't have to be oh so bad and you don't have to be ready, just start, right? Just start. Just do it. And you're gonna, with an amazing group who gets you and life is gonna change. You'd be so happy, you'd be so happy to eat. And not only for what it brings you personally, but like physically or for your own well-being, but the people and the connections that I think will last a long time. I hope so, I hope everyone stays in touch and we've been trying to. And yeah, it's the people that you mean, the connection that you make in addition to what you've done for yourself, you've created a whole new life of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally in every way. Yeah, yeah, just don't wait, do it. And it's that ripple effect, you know? It's like those listening to the Marco Polos on your way to and from work help you. And I certainly know that your posts helped others. So it's the ripple effect. And so those people, you listen to that on your way to work, so you are in a better mindset, a better headspace. You have no idea how that impacted the people around you, how they went on to interact with the people around them. It's just a great way to walk through the world. Yes, it is. And you can be that role model and maybe silently and slowly and not being overbearing, but just through your own actions. Yeah, it affects someone. And you never know who you're gonna affect, like even my assistant, just if someone coming forth and now creating a conversation and we were in a room full of people, just creating that conversation and I know people were listening. Yeah. You just never know who you're gonna affect. I know. With your positive attitude and you said then you're glowing attitude because you do that now. Yep, this has been awesome. Thank you for sharing your story. I know it's gonna touch other people. And what you're doing right now is going to affect other people's lives. And that is what we're putting on this earth to do. Well, thank you. Thank you. It's all because of you and James and Project 90 and all of the members. It's everyone's cumulative effect and I thank them all. I love them all. And we've all shared that with each other. And so thank you. I think it's saved my future. It's priceless. It is, it is. Thank you, Melissa. I just want to give you a hug. A hug. A virtual hug. All right. Well, have a wonderful rest of your week. And again, thank you for just being an ambassador of goodness and hope and positivity. Thank you. You're my pet girl. All right, thank you. All right, thank you so much. Thanks everyone for listening. Thanks for listening to the Alcohol Free Lifestyle Podcast. I want to load you up with some free stuff right now. So if you want to go to jameswanick.com slash guide, I will send you my quit alcohol guide which has helped six figure entrepreneurs and top professionals reduce or quit drinking. You can also text the word quit guide to the number 44222 if you're in the US, of course. It doesn't really work anywhere outside of the US. But if you're in the US on your mobile phone and you'd like that guide, text the word quit guide to the number 44222, or you can go to jameswanick.com slash guide. If you'd like to schedule a free 15 minute call with one of my top coaches, just an exploratory call to see if or how we can help you, then you can go to jameswanick.com slash schedule or you can text the word project 90 to the number 44222 if you're listening in the US on a mobile phone. That's jameswanick.com slash schedule or you can text the word project 90, that's one word, project 90 to the number 44222. Feel free to send me a direct message over on my Instagram account which is at jameswanick. You can also watch video episodes of this podcast and a series of other educational videos on my YouTube channel which is jameswanick.one or you can direct message me on Facebook at jameswanick.official. And finally, a request. Would you please now write a short review of the podcast inside of the Apple podcast app on your phone or on iTunes on your desktop computer? Would you please give the show five stars and write a quick one or two sentence review? This will help the show get in front of even more listeners, potentially transforming someone's life. You can rate and review the show inside of your Apple podcast app on your phone or over on iTunes on your desktop. Thank you so much and I'll catch you next time.