 the choice to enjoy the suck, to embrace the struggle, to realize that the payoff is on the other end of this suffering, whatever that suffering may be, and understanding that you show up every day with that ability to make the choice, to wipe the slate clean, to look for the positive, to see even in the struggle that there's something great that's gonna come out the other end of that. What's up everybody and welcome to the show today. We drop great content each and every week and we wanna make sure that you guys get notified and in order to do that you're gonna have to smash that subscribe button and hit that notification bell and if you've gotten a lot of value out of this make sure you give us a like and share our videos with your friends. Now let's talk about the second dial Michael because I feel like presence is foundational. Once we get that handled we can start actually dialing up the second one. Presence is definitely 90% of the equation. At the beginning that's where you get the most bang for your buck when it comes to charisma. The second one is enthusiasm. That's the high energy, the good vibes, the fascination that you have with being in the moment with whatever it is that you're doing. And now someone might raise a finger and go like yeah but there's not that much to be excited about in my job or in my, I don't know, whatever I'm doing. I'm grocery shopping like what are you talking about? But that's where the charisma comes in because I can promise you that you can see people in a grocery store or in a boring office job that are really enthusiastic about some of the things that they are doing. And you can get enthusiastic about buying yogurt in a grocery store. I'm like oh man there's a new like blueberry yogurt. I'm so gonna try that out. It's just you know next time I barista ask you how you're doing you can talk about the blueberry yogurt that you just found and this idea of just finding the magic and the excitement and even the everyday things going into life with this beginner's mind. Maybe seeing everything again a little bit for the first time and see where that magic was and then bringing it back in. Now I have to point out something about enthusiasm because when many people hear enthusiasm they think oh I just have to be louder. I have to change my vocal tonality. And that's certainly one part of enthusiasm. But enthusiasm is also conveyed through nonverbal communication which is why we love video work in our programs both in X factor in the video work that we do in Zoom or in person in our boot camp. You don't often realize how you're showing up in your nonverbal communication with strangers. We if we feel a little anxiety tension and pressure often default to self soothing behaviors and those signal a lack of enthusiasm or even an active disinterest. So enthusiasm is actually not furrowing your brow but having that excitement show on your face that smile on your lips. That eye contact conveys enthusiasm. And when I think about enthusiasm I think about how we interact with newborn infants. Right so if you're a new parent or you have children how did you interact with those infants when they came home? You are so expressive in your face and in your communication to try to get that expression back from them, right? To try to get that enthusiasm mirrored back. And I think we can bring that into conversations with adults and convey that same level of enthusiasm and that amps up our charisma. So understanding that enthusiasm is not just oh I gotta add some energy in my voice I just gotta speak louder and let the other person know that I'm excited with my tonality. You know as we saw over the weekend simple changes in your eye contact in opening up your arms instead of crossing them and actually wearing a smile on your face when other people are sharing things with you conveys the enthusiasm that leads to them feeling that charisma from you. We drop great content each and every week and we wanna make sure that you guys get notified and in order to do that you're gonna have to smash that subscribe button and hit that notification bell. And if you've gotten a lot of value out of this make sure you give us a like and share our videos with your friends. For each three of these and we'll get to the next one in a minute I remember understanding them and then I remember learning them and being able to measure the results and then from there it was well now that I see the results of adding this into my communication do I wanna continue with it? So presence was certainly one of those things I remember working on it I remember the results and I remember thinking wow this is making life so much easier. Enthusiasm is no different and as you know AJ when you met me I was a bar manager and bartender and talent buyer for a club that I was working at in North Carolina. When I got into self development and started learning all this stuff I used to pick out something every evening to use in my interactions at work behind the bar as a bartender and I got plenty of reps and I would choose something maybe I would work on that one thing for a week, three weeks whatever the period would be as I was measuring the results and I also I would measure those results monetarily in the money that I was making through my tips. Presence of course you could imagine certainly up the money that I was making but enthusiasm in that scenario and in that context of being in a bar and I wanna also set this up where as a musician and as a guitar player my heroes were Keith Richards, Johnny Thunders all these way too cool for school guys and I carried that sort of air with me and you can imagine in dealing with people with those sort of an interaction like that the results that I would get they were certainly mixed some people got it some people didn't a lot of people thought I was an arrogant asshole however when I started working on presence when I started bringing enthusiasm in it for the show people that I was interested and excited to be speaking to them my tips went through the roof my interactions got that much easier this is when people now started to seek me out because the interactions were so enjoyable and as you always say and this is a Del Carnegie thing that people remember how you make them feel not what you say to them and so when you allow people to feel good because you have a large smile on your face and you are enjoying the conversation well that makes it easier for them they're feeling good now they're gonna seek you out because they want more of your time because that time enhances their life and Michael there's actually a scientific basis for this enthusiasm is actually contagious you can actually transfer that emotional state onto the other person which as Dale Carnegie said you're making them feel good and then remember that they felt good around you and they became enthusiastic and felt good as well the emotional contagion which is true for every emotion out there I mean if you go into a room and you are hunched over you're sad, you're angry you'll, this is a weird word to use in 2021 but you'll infect those around you with that exact same emotion so what do you want it to be? Do you want it to be high energy? Happy energy? Or do you want it to be slow, shy, taking it back, being quiet? And this is at the core of attention, approval and acceptance like bringing that stuff out there so that it spreads throughout the room and who brought it there? You did. I wanna point out one thing though and that sometimes life's a little bit difficult and enthusiasm means that you are an optimist but it doesn't mean that you see everything as rosy all the time because let's face it sometimes you're in a situation that's a little bit difficult and being an optimist in that situation means that you always see that there are other choices this is not the be all end all of it like there are always other choices and your job is to enthusiastically point them out, think them out and then go that route and that's key, choices. If you're a super fan of the show you might even know that Johnny and I have a tattoo around this exact concept of the choices we make and how impactful those choices are. We have a tattoo of the letters B over A and that B is the choice, the choice to enjoy the suck, to embrace the struggle, to realize that the payoff is on the other end of this suffering whatever that suffering may be and understanding that you show up every day with that ability to make the choice to wipe the slate clean, to look for the positive, to see even in the struggle that there's something great that's gonna come out the other end of that.