 Listen to the great rhythms of Freddie Ritch and his orchestra, the swingy singing of Connie Haines. And that silver-throated tenor whose soft liquid voice thrills millions each time he croons. Costello, I demand an explanation. You were supposed to meet me here at seven o'clock. Where have you been? At seven o'clock. It's three o'clock. Well, whatever time it was, you missed the date. Well, I just came from the Second National Bank, Abbott. Well, I had to go over there and open my vault. But Costello, you have no money in that bank. I know it. Then why did you open the vault? I wanted to take a bite out of my Hershey bar. Oh, shut up. You don't have a vault. Is that my vault? Oh, wait a minute, Costello. I just heard over the radio that the Second National Bank was robbed this afternoon. Wait a minute. Were you there during the robbery? No, but I was there for the tea party. The tea party in the bank? Yeah. Well, I was standing there. A guy walked in. He says, all right, boys, hand over the sugar. Hand over the sugar. That's what he said. Costello, wait a minute. Quick. What did this man look like? I don't know. He had such a bad cold. He had a handkerchief tied across his nose. You tell me that was a mask. He was the crook who robbed the bank. No, he wasn't at it. He was the crook. He was the president of the bank. He offered to sell me the bank for a cow. Sell you the bank for a cow? Yeah. He said, one beef out of you and I'll give you the business. Costello, that man was a crook. No, he wasn't. He was a very lovely fellow. A very reputable, nice fellow. What do you mean? And he had a friend with him who was a dentist. A dentist? Yeah. He offered to fix my teeth. He says, open your mouth and I'll drill you. But I didn't have time. I didn't want to go marching. Costello, wait a minute. How could you be so stupid? That man happened to be an accomplice. Oh yeah, he was an accomplice dentist. You should have seen the way he fixed the cashier's toothache. He got him down on the floor, then he shoved a whole bunch of cotton in his mouth. You idiot. That was a gag. A gag? Yes. The cashier had a gag in his mouth. Well, if he did, he never had a chance to tell it. I wish I hadn't told it either. Costello, can't I get anything through that thick skull of yours? These men were dangerous bank bandits. And they've escaped. They've escaped. Remember that. With two sacks full of gold bullion. And they're going to hide it. How are you going to hide a bullion in a sack? It's bound to leak out. Oh, talk sense, Costello. You've got to go right down to the police station and give a description of those men. Not me, Abbott. Why should I get mixed up in such things like that? Costello, I'm surprised at you. Don't you want to aid and abet those men? Do what? Aid and abet those men. Aid and abet. No, I hardly know the guys. Why should I sleep aid and abet? What's strange about that? No, no, no, Costello, I mean, you've got to identify the bandits. Could you swear to these men? Oh, yeah, I could swear to them, but they'd only swear right back at me. Hey, hey, did you hear that, Costello? There's a thousand dollars reward for those men, and you and I can collect it. All we have to do is find those three-armed bandits. Well, that ought to be a cinch, Abbott. A cinch? Yeah, I mean, after all, you don't see many bandits with three-armed. Oh, Costello, please. Of course. I've got an uncle that's kind of unusual. He's got ten toes. Yeah, you're dummy. Everybody has ten toes. Yeah, but my uncle's got nine on one foot and one on the other. All right, look, Costello, this is no time for foolishness. Now, we've got to get busy and organize a manhunt. Hey, maybe we should call a pussy. That's a good idea. What'd you say? Call a pussy. Call a pussy. Call a pussy? Yes. Here, pussy, pussy. No, no, no. Here, pussy, pussy. Come on, pussy! Look, will you please be quiet? Before we report to the police station, we'll stop all this. You've got a can of milk in your pocket. Will you keep quiet a minute? Be pussy! Will you listen to me? Now, listen carefully. Before we report to the police station, we'll stop off and pick up some guns. I'll give you my coat. But I don't want your coat. You don't want my coat? No, I don't want anybody's coat. I just got over one of my own. My chest still hurts me now. Look, look, look, look, please. I'm not talking... All right, all right, little look. I'm not talking about a coat in the chest. I'm talking about a coat in a holster. I never had a coat in a holster. And I think it's wicked of you, Abbott, to want to give it to me. What do you mean? You want me to go around sneezing my holster off? No, Costello. I'm talking about my coat revolver. You can take my coat and I'll take my 45 caliber Mauser. You're going to take your what? My Mauser. Didn't you ever see my Mauser? Yeah, I saw her yesterday with your Fouser. Fouser. With my Fouser? With your Fouser, yeah. They were buying Christmas presents for your browser and Souser. Costello, don't you know anything about guns? Didn't you ever have a Gat? Well, when I was five years old, I had a little one. But you could hardly call it a Gat. What did you call it? A Gitten. Get off, Costello. Costello, I've heard enough. I know why you're stalling. You're afraid to go looking for those bandits. You're nothing but a lily-livered coward. You're a wishy-washy, weak-need, spineless jellyfish. Abbott, smile when you say that. Draw back your lips and smile. Why should I smile? I like to hear the wind whistle through your teeth. From the newer crop of hip tunes, Freddie Rich plays. Let me love you tonight. Nice work if you can get it, Freddie. Dark Connie Haynes is already to musically tell us. Is you in or is you away from our baby? Come on. I got a man as a creature. He's gonna make it. Come on, Costello, get out. We've got to find the police station so that you can give them a description of those bank robbers. Ask that mountain policeman where the station is. Pardon me, officer. We're looking for the police station. We'd like to talk about the second national bank robbery. Oh, well, the station's right around the corner. So go right in and they'll give you a big bag of popcorn. Popcorn? Well, certainly we always feed the stool pigeons. How long have you been riding that horse? 14 years. You ever ride a jackass? No. Then get out of yourself. Come on, Costello. Hey, here's the police station right around the corner. Oh, I remember this place. My uncle Artie Stebbins used to work here as a cashier. A cashier and a police station? Yeah, he used to count the coppers as they came in. All right, be quiet. Let's go in and report the bank robbery. Hello, Sergeant. We came here so... Hey, Justin Malbot, Justin. What is that? We're grilling a prisoner in there. We got the grill too hot. Sergeant, we have some information to give on a bank robbery. Well, you'll find the chief and detective right down the hall past the cell. Come on, Costello. Let me out of here. I'm innocent, I tell you. Innocent, innocent, innocent, innocent. Hey, I wonder what he's charged with. So do I. Ah, Costello, here's the detective bureau. Here's the detective bureau. Let's go in. Hey, there's coppers. Kitzl, don't tell me you're the chief of detectives. Chief of these boys. Don't call me Kitzl, because around here I'm known as the great detective, Philo Pants. Philo Pants? Yeah. Are you a good detective? Good. Pants never falls down. Kid, it's what's on your mind. Don't keep Pants in suspenders. Don't keep Pants in suspenders. I might give you a belt. Quiet, Costello. Take it easy. Look, look, Kitzl. Costello was in the second national bank this afternoon when it was held up, and he has some valuable clues. Some clues, huh? Where did you find the clues? Where did I find the clues? In the clues closet yet. Don't. Costello, now don't be silly. Go ahead and tell Kitzl about the bank robbers. No, I ain't going to tell him nothing. I'm going to catch the robbers myself and collect a $1,000 reward. Oh, pish, pish, pish, pish. He's going to catch the robbers, and he's going to give her goodness' sake. What do you know about being a detective? What do I know? Yes. What do I know? What do you know? What do I know? Yes. I'm a great detective. You've heard of the thin man? Yes. Well, I'm the fat boy. Look, Costello, why don't we settle this sensibly? All three of us will look for the bank robbers and we'll split the reward with fellow Pants. Please don't worry. Just a second, gentlemen. Just a second. Pants never split. Abbott, I'm a lone wolf. I don't need either one of you guys. I'm dropping you and Pants, too. Not so fast. Not so fast. Just remember, it'll be a cold day when our case is solved without Pants. He's right, Costello. Pilo is an expert at disguises. Am I an expert at disguises? You should have seen me last week. I followed a suspect to the Palladium Dance Hall and I had to put on a dress and disguise myself like a hostess. Who was I cute? You know, I even danced with some of the men who bought tickets. Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Yeah. Did this happen to be last Saturday night? Saturday night, yeah. Were you wearing a dress with white buttons? Uh-huh, that was me. Give me back my eight bucks, Gladys. Stella, will you please? Pardon me, gentlemen. Pants on the line. Hello, Pants. Yeah? This is the leader of the bank, Bandit. I hate detectives and I'm going to bump off every detective in this town starting with the head man. Just a second. I'll let you talk to the boss. Costello, it's for you. Hello, hello. Costello, the fat boy talking. Listen, fat head. Fat boy, I said. I said fat head. You're right. Go ahead. This is Rocky. This is Rocky Crumb Kick, about it. Don't come looking for me or I'll fill you full of lead. Oh, yeah? I'll fill you full of lead. And I'll fill you full of lead. And I'll fill you full of lead. Oh, just say when. I'll meet you in back of Low Hung's Laundry in Chinatown. And you come alone. Don't bring your mob with you. Don't worry. I'll be there alone. You're done right because I ain't going to be there. Our singing star now, Lovely Connie Haynes in one of today's favorites is a tense moment in our his detective Costello, the fat boy, has trailed the bank bandit, Rocky Crumb Kick, from one layer to another. He's a three-layer Crumb Kick. We now find Detective Costello with his friend Bud Abbott, hopped on the trail. It is a big moment as the fat boy stoopes to pick up the scent. Let us listen to this fat stoop. Hey, Abbott, where are we? It's so dark around here, I can't see a thing. Shh, quiet, quiet. We're right in the middle of old Chinatown. How can you tell? I smell punk. I know that. But where are we? Shh, quiet, Costello. You realize that we're passing the house of the seven howls? Well, who gives a hoot? Will you shut up and follow me? Rocky Crumb Kick is probably hiding in one of these buildings. And I think it's this one. Then let's try another one. No, no, no, nonsense. Now, we've got to search every building in this block. Now, let's start with this Chinese theater. Okay, I'll flash my badge on this cute little Chinese girl with ticket office. Good evening, my little oldest blossom. How many tickets you want? You all. You all? She must come from the south of China. How much costum ticket? One yen. Have you got a yen? You all? I've got a yen for you all. All right, come on, Costello. Come on. We've got to get, we've got to get Crumb Cake. You get Crumb Cake, and I'll stay here with this little cookie. Listen, I said come along. Crumb Cake may be hiding in the crowd in this theater. Let's go in. Listen to that orchestra. That's bloody litch and his leechy nuts. Quiet, Costello. There are two Chinese comedians coming out on the stage. Listen. Oh, Honorable One Long. Organizing Honorable Baseball Team. Yes, Honorable Majang. Honorable Players. Costello, let's get out of here. Honorable? Listen, we've got to find Crumb Cake and get that reward. Hey, we'll go out this exit to the alley. Hey, look across the alley. There's a suspicious-looking building. Don't look at it. Maybe it will say nothing. Listen, and the window is open. Come on, I'll boost you in. Hey, watch out for that nail. Okay. Hey, quiet. You're an undercover man. I think I've just been uncovered. Get the man. Welcome to our Honorable Home. Oh, get this character. It's an old habit. I pedaled ice one summer. Mandarin is waiting for you. You're killing me, kid. Who's waiting first? The Mandarin. And I can't even play one. Honorable Clang Clang Clang. And who are you? Chinatown. Quiet, Costello. Oh, look, Tingling. Tell your father that the detectives are here. I will ring for him. Ding, ding. Clang, clang. Hey, Costello. Oh, that's a nice- Keep it. Nobody wants it. I think I scared that Chinese woman. You must have, yes. You'll frighten anything. Oh, Honorable Mandarin. We are on the trail of a notorious bank bandit. We think he may be hiding here. Nonsense. I never heard of Rocky Crumb Cake. Hey, have it. Have it. How did he know his name? That's Rocky Crumb Cake. Come on, Rocky. Put up your hands, Crumb Cake. Or I'll crack your frosting. Bad boy. Hey, that's a mighty pretty gun you have there. Come on, never mind that. What a nice pearl handle. Hey, do you mind if I look at it? Well, I guess that would be all right. Costello, he's coming toward you. Let him have it. Okay, here you are, Rocky. Hey, no, no, you dummy, no. You're a tostick. I'm up, you fools. Ha-ha. The famous detective, Costello. Costello, I'm going to fill you so full of holes you can button your vest from any angle. Oh, yeah. And do you want to know something, Rocky? Yeah, what? I think you're just the guy that can do it. All right, you guys. Turn around and face the wall. This is it. If you've got any last requests, make them now. I've got a request to make. Rocky, I'm too young to die. Rocky, before I die, there's only one thing that I would like. Could I have a big bowl of Huckleberries and Cream? Huckleberries and Cream? Yeah. Huckleberries won't be ripe for six months. That's all right. I'll wait. Oh, quit stalling with these bums, Rocky. When I count three, give them the work. One, two, three! Pants can't get along without you. No. Sebastian, if I love pants, should send a kid like you out on a job like this. Why isn't he with you? Don't worry, Uncle Butt. Pants is coming down. How do you know? I'm not Sebastian. I'm surprised at you. Don't we realize that you might have been killed? Why do you always go around butting into things that don't concern you? Why don't you stay home like other children do? All you do is worry me and your poor brother to death. What's the matter with you, Sebastian? Good night, folks. Armed Forces Radio Service.