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So round, so firm, so fully packed, so free and easy on the draw. The Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Rochester, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, as you all know, last week, Jack Benny sprained his ankle while playing football with some of the neighborhood kids. He's been confined to his bed all week, and his friends are quite concerned about it. Let's drop in on two of them. Say, Emily. What is it, Martha? Did you hear about Jack Benny spraining his ankle? Yes, I read about it in the paper. Oh, the poor man. I hope it doesn't interfere with his dancing. Turkey trots divinely. By Martha, did you ever dance with Mr. Benny? No, but I saw him one night last month when I was cigarette girl at the Palladium. He called me over and bought a package of Lucky Strikes from me. Really? And while I was giving him his change, his hand touched mine. Oh, my goodness. Then what happened? Oh, I don't know. When I came to, I was in the ladies' powder room. Oh, Martha, you're just making a fool of yourself over Jack Benny. I am not. You are too. You even went to see the horn blows at midnight. Well, that was the only place I could be alone with him. Emily, have you ever noticed his eyes in a technicolor picture? His eyes? Yes. They look like the reflection of the evening sky in two limpid woodland pools. Martha, stop talking about him like that. You will blow the fuse on your hearing aid. Well, I don't care. You know, I sent him flowers this morning. Gee, I wonder if he received them. How about another pillow, boys? No, I've got enough pillows. But gee, I wish the bed was a little softer. Shall I empty the mattress? No. You better do that tomorrow morning. The banks are closed today. Yes, sir. Where would you like me to put these flowers? Over there on the table. You know, I can't figure out who sent them. Let me see that card again, Rochester. Here you are. To Jack Benny from someone who admires you tremendously. I wonder who... Well, you know, boss, Atlanta Turner ain't going with Tyrone Power anymore. Say, maybe, no, no, he wouldn't send them to me. Rochester, hand me that mirror. I want to see if I need a shave. Here you are. Let's see. Oh, I guess I can get by without shaving. Gee. Mr. Benny, why do you keep staring in the mirror? Rochester, do my eyes look like the reflection of the evening sky in two-limpet woodland pools? It's a shame you have to close them at night. Yeah, me and the morning glories. By the way, boss, do you want me to fill out that form for your accident insurance? I don't know. Do you think they'd pay off on a sprained ankle? Why not? You collected for that ingrown toenail. Yes, that's right. Well, Rochester, take the pen and start filling out the insurance form. Yes, sir. You can answer most of the questions yourself. Okay. Full name, Jack Benny. Address, 360 North Camden Drive. Occupation, radio comedian. Age, 38. That's my boy who said that. Weight, 165 pounds. Height, 5 feet 10. Color of eyes, reflection of the evening sky. Just put down blue. This is a business transaction. Yes, sir. You better answer this next question, boss. Describe how accident occurred. Hmm, write this down. During the excitement of a football game, I was viciously tackled, thrown to the ground, and knocked unconscious. Name the description of person causing injury to you. Stephen Kent, 9 years old. Say, boss, ain't that gonna be sort of embarrassing? Yes, you better make it 12 years old. Nature of injury, severe sprain to the left ankle, and Rochester, see yous at the door. We'll finish this later. Let's see. To Jack Benny from someone who admires you tremendously. Might be Hedy Lamar, or Anne Sheridan, or Paulette, or Betty Grable, or... Gee, I better take off some of these blankets. It's getting kind of warm. It might even... Oh, hello, Don. Hello, Jack. Rochester told me to come right in. I came over just as soon as I heard about your accident. Well, I was nice of you, Don. And Jack, I brought you this basket of fruit. Thought you might enjoy it. Gee, what a lovely-looking basket. Fruit, nuts, and everything. Look at those fruit there. Set it right over there on the table. Okay. Mind if I have an apple? No, no, no, not at all. How'd the accident happen, Jack? Oh, it's really silly. I was playing football with some kids, and I tripped and fell. You know, Jack, I was quite a football player during my college days. You were, Don? Yes, sir. Did you ever hear of the famous seven blocks of granite? Yes. I was known as the Seven Barrels of Blubber. Ah, just ad-libbed that. It's your yopelin. Well, well, thanks. You're welcome. Mind if I have a banana? No, no, no. Go right ahead. Well, seriously, Jack, I was pretty terrific as a football player. What'd you say, Don? I'll never forget my last college game back in 1927. With only one minute to go, I scored a touchdown on the hidden ball play by slipping the ball under my jersey. Well, Don, that was 20 years ago. You can take it out now. By the way, Don, how were things at the studio? How'd the rehearsal go? Oh, everything went fine, Jack. Good, good. Would it be all right if I have an orange? Oh, sure, sure, sure. Go right ahead. Rochester, answer the phone, please. Yes, sir. Hello? Hello, Rochester. This is Professor Leblanc. Monsieur Beniz, violin teacher. Oh, yes. I just heard the good news. No, no, Professor, it's his ankle, not his arm. Sacré bien. Who was that on the phone, Rochester? Professor Leblanc. Oh. Jack, was that your violin teacher? Yes. Mind if I have another banana? No, no, no. Go right ahead. You know, Jack, I was just thinking... Don, Don, wouldn't they taste better if you peeled them first? Huh? I don't know. I've never tried them that way. Well, you should. You know, they're... Oh, hello, Dennis. I was hoping you'd come over. I wanted to ask you... Oh, hello, Mr. Benny. Hello. Say, Dennis, I was hoping you'd come over. I wanted to ask you about... How do you feel? Pretty good. Dennis, I was hoping you'd come over. I wanted to ask you... How's your ankle? Not bad, not bad. Dennis, I was... Hello, Don. Well, hello, Dennis. See, these grapes are good. Grapes? Don, why don't you start the grapes? After I finish the tangerines. Tangerines? How can a man... See, Don, come to the window. I want to show you something. Look, look what I bought this morning. See it there against the curb? Well, a bicycle built for two. Say, who's that sitting on the front seat? My chauffeur. Your chauffeur? I got two shows, you know. I know, I know. Say, Dennis, look at this. I brought it over to cheer up Mr. Benny. Gee, what a beautiful basket. Yeah, you should have seen it when there was fruit. Say, Mr. Benny, I brought you something, too, here. Oh, thanks, kid. Thanks. But, uh... What is it? It's just a plain stick. Oh, it was a popsicle, but it melted on the way over. And I had a gift wrap, too. Well, anyway, Dennis, you meant well. Oh, by the way, Don, I'd like you to drop by my house if you can. We have our Christmas tree up already, and I want you to see it. Oh, sure, I'd love to, Dennis. How do I get to your house? Well, drive over to Wilshire Boulevard and follow the pink line down the middle of the street. The pink line? That popsicle was raspberry. Say, Mr. Benny, I've been rehearsing this song. I'm going to sing on the program. Would you like to hear it? Oh, what's the name of it? So far. Oh, sure, Dennis. Sure, go ahead. Jack, do you mind if I have one of these walnuts? No, no, Don, go ahead. I'm glad you didn't bring me candy. I'm on a diet. Go ahead and sing, kid, will you? Okay. It was a wonderful song, and it sounded great. Thanks, Mr. Benny. Don, not so loud with those walnuts. It makes me nervous. Oh, I'm sorry, Jack. Anyway, you're liable to... Who's there? Somebody at the door? Say, Mr. Benny, how long do you think you'll have to stay in bed with your sprained ankle? I don't know, but I've got to be up Thursday because I'm going to be a guest on the Dick Haynes show. Dick Haynes? Who's he? Who's he? Dick Haynes is a great singer. That's who he is. How many shows has he got? One. Ha! What are you ha-ha-ing about? Everybody doesn't have to have any. Mr. Benny, he's right in here, sonny. Hello, Mr. Benny. Oh, hello, Stevie. It's nice of you to drop in. Gee, I'm sure sorry I tackled you so hard that you hurt your ankle. Well, don't worry about it, Stevie. It's all in the game. Say, Stevie, this is Don Wilson of Dennis Day. Hi. Hello, Stevie. Hello. Mr. Benny, the boys in our club were sorry you got hurt, so we chipped in and bought you this. Oh, gee, my favorite magazine, True Confession. Thanks, Stevie. Say, Stevie, I understand that you and the kids in the neighborhood have a pretty good football team. Yeah, we have uniforms and everything. How many footballs have you got? One. Ha! You know, Jack, I think it's wonderful the way the kids in the neighborhood all get together and play football and everything. Not only that, Don. These kids have even formed a club. They pay dues, you know. They've already saved up $8.65. How do you know? Mr. Benny's the treasurer. Yes, they want to be to run for president, but I don't see more visitors today. Rochester, see who's at the door, will you please? Yes, sir. Hello, Rochester. How's Mr. Benny? Oh, he's getting along fine, Miss Lutton. You know he's in a pretty good shape for a man of 38. 38? Rochester, Mr. Benny is 53. Well then, how come when he made out his income tax, he put down his age as 38? The government lets him withhold 20%. Rochester, who is it? It's me, Jack. Well, Mary. Mary, it's sure good to see you. Hello, Jack. How are you, Don? Hello, Mary. Hello, Dennis. Ha! He thinks he's better than you are because you've only got one head. Well, I can't walk on it. Yes, say, Mary, did you bring me a present or anything? Yes, Jack. I left it in the living room. Should I bring it in? What is it? A rubber duck. You broke yours last week. Oh, yes. Well, it was nice of you to think of me. By the way, how are things in Palm Springs? Oh, I had a wonderful time, Jack. And just before I left, I got this letter from Mama. Oh, a letter from your mother, eh? Well, what does the Martha Graham of Plainfield have to say? I'll read it to you. Don, don't throw the shells in my bed. Go ahead, Mary, read the letter. Okay. My darling daughter Mary, I hate to start this letter with bad news. I thought your father was on the wagon, but last week he lost his job as Santa Claus in the local department store. It seems he breeds on a couple of kids and their hair turned gray. I knew he could do it. However, I am happy to say that your sister, Babe, is engaged again. This time to a very nice man. He's working at the Acme Iron Company as a steam fitter. A steam fitter, eh? Babe had to quit working as the foreman won't allow man and wife on the same job. Yeah, that's a shame after she bought that new set of wrenches, too. When Babe left the Acme Iron Company, they gave her a bonus, and she's using the money to have her teeth straightened. Babe's teeth do protrude a little, you know. Remember? Remember the last time she almost got married? When the minister said, do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband, Babe smiled, said I do, and ripped her veil to shreds. Oh, yes, I felt so sorry for her. Those big holes in her veil, the flies got in. They invited me to go with them to Niagara Falls on their honeymoon, but it was too expensive for three people. So Babe and I are going alone. Marius, none of my business, but why doesn't your mother stay home? She has an answer to that. The reason I'm so anxious to go back to Niagara Falls is because it will bring back those wonderful memories of 1912. Just think, no other woman has gone over in a barrel since then. Not only that, your mother did it while the beer was still in it. No other news. I will close now. Your loving mother, Jersey Joe Livingston. Jersey Joe Livingston. Your mother sure reaches for those gags. Oh, wait a minute. Here's a P.S. Oh, fine. Your sister, Babe, just came in crying her eyes out and said the wedding is all. What? Her boyfriend came over and handed her a note that said, we disaffiliate. No. It must be the real thing because it was written in cold dust. Gee, that's a shame. One thing about your mother's letters, they're always so interesting. Don, please. Say, Dennis, Dennis, hand me that ashtray, will you? Okay, but don't put some walnut shells in it. Well, empty it. Okay. Thanks. Wait a minute, Jack. What are you doing with the ashtray? Well, I'm putting up my cigarette. I'm finished with it. But Jack, it's a lucky strike and there's almost half of it left. Well, I'll light another one later. Say, Mary, do you think that Don... Don, what are you staring at? I was just thinking of that lucky strike lying there in the ashtray. What? You know, Jack, if that unfinished cigarette could think, if it could only talk, I know just what it would say. Oh, Don, please. Quiet, Jack, quiet. I can hear it now. What? Oh, why not smoke all of me? I'm lonesome without you. Pick me up. Don't let me lay there. Don't let me stay. What you let me while I... Wasn't that beautiful? Beautiful? I didn't hear anything. And, Don, why are there tears in your eyes? I caught my finger in the nutcracker. Good, good. Gee, I sure wish I could get out of this bed. I'm so uncomfortable. Well, Jack, you've been lying in the same spot all week. Why don't you turn around and put your head at the foot of the bed for change? That's a good idea. Help me turn around, will you? I'll help you, Jack. Thanks, Don. Be careful of my foot. Be careful of my sprained ankle. I'm all right now. Thanks, you're right, Mary. It is more comfortable with my head at this end of the bed. The doctor's here, Mr. Berry. The doctor sent him right in. How do you do? Now, I'm Dr. Nelson. Somebody called me. I did. It's about Mr. Berry's sprained ankle. Oh, well, I'll examine that at once. Say, this does look bad. Look how swollen it is. My, what an ugly-looking mess. Doctor, you're looking at my head. My feet are at the other end. Yes, yes. That's your nose. I thought you had a high instep. How does my ankle look, doctor? I don't know yet. Pull up your nightie. Okay. I'll leave the room. You don't have to marry. I'm wearing pajamas underneath. Now, doctor, examine my ankle. Just a moment while I remove your sock. There. This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy had- Doctor, cut that out! Just examine my ankle. Yes, sir. Hiya, Jackson. Hello, fellas. Hey, what are you saying, Libby? Hello, Phil. Hey, how do you feel, Jackson? How's the ambulance? I'm all right. Oh, Jack, look what Phil brought you. What? Why, Phil, you sentimental son of a gun. Thanks for the flowers. These ain't for you. I thought you had a nurse. Well, I'll be darned. Here I am laid up in bed, and he brings flowers for the nurse. Well, ain't you got one? No, if I did have a nurse, how would you know what she looked like? Look, Jackson, what have I got to lose? If the dame's pretty, I give her the flowers. If she's really homely, Don can eat them. Well, you certainly got that figured out. Hey, well, since you ain't got no nurse, Jackson, I think I'll give the flowers to Libby. Hey, here you are, Libby. Well, thank you. Wait a minute, Mary. I want this room to look nice. Put the flowers in the vase. Jack, Phil gave them to me, and I'm going to take them home. You are not. I'm the one who's laid up, so give me those flowers. Okay, okay, here. After all, it's my house, you know, and I... Ouch! Doctor, what did you do to my foot? I bit you, you mean old man. Don't keep out of this. It's none of your business. Come on. Come on, everybody. Let's get the party started. Phil, put down that bottle. That's the rub on my back. Huh? Can't you see what it says on the label? For external use only. You're supposed to rub it in your skin. Rub it in my skin? Yes. That sounds like a slow way, but with New Year's Eve, three weeks off, maybe I can make it. Yeah, if you rub hard, yeah. Hey, look, Jackson, I got to run along. I got to go down to the pool room and rehearse my own show. Phil, do you rehearse your show in the pool room? Sure. That way, I can always pick up my cue. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Phil. Oh, Harris, you may not be the prettiest kid that I ever saw, but... Phil, Phil. On second thought, don't rub it in. Drink it. Hey, thanks. So long, Jackson. So long. And now, Mr. Benny, I've got your ankle all taped up and I'd suggest that you get some rest. Some rest? Okay, doctor. Goodbye, Mr. Benny. I'll see you later. Ha! I'll run along, too, Jack. Okay. I'm sorry I got so mad about the flowers. Oh, that's all right. Then give me a kiss to show me you're not mad. Okay. Pucker up your lips. Mm-hmm. A little more. Mm-hmm. A little more. Mm-hmm. Now, here's your rubber duck. Blow it up. I don't offer being such a mean old man. Gee, my toe hurts. Well, I'll run along, too, Mr. Benny, and remember what I said. Get some sleep. I will, I will. Would you like me to leave you a sleeping pill? No, no. I'll just tune in to Fred Allen. It's quicker that way. Goodbye, doctor. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, Rochester. Rochester. Yes, sir. Look, I'm going to try to get a little sleep. I wish you'd read that book to me. That might help. You know, the one you started yesterday. Oh, yes. Let me see. Where is it? Here it is right here. Let's see. Where were we? Oh, yes. In this town, there lived a farmer who was disliked by all of his neighbors because he was so greedy. And one day he walked out to the barn and found that his goose had laid a golden egg. Gee. The next day the farmer went out to the barn and found that his goose had laid another golden egg. Gosh. And then the third day another golden egg. Oh, boy. On the fourth day the goose laid a... Rochester, read something else. I'll never go to sleep. That's too exciting. Find another story, will you? Okay, here's one. Once upon a time in a great big forest there lived three bears, a mama bear, a papa bear, and a little baby bear. These three bears had a house in the woods. In their house there was three bears, a mama bear, a papa bear, and a little baby bear. Quality of product is essential to continuing success. And lucky strike means fine tobacco. Alas, MFT. Yes, lucky strike means fine tobacco. And fine tobacco is what counts in a cigarette. Remember what happens at the tobacco auctions? At auction after auction independent tobacco experts can see the makers of Lucky Strike consistently select and buy that fine, that light, that naturally mild tobacco. 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