 How do you get closure? My last memory of you is watching you roll your suitcase down the hall towards the elevator away from my door and out of my life For good this time. The suitcase was black, but you that's the foggy part What were you wearing? How long was your beard? Were you carrying a backpack? Were you wearing a watch in the hand that held the suitcase? Shouldn't I know this stuff? You still have my keys! I yelled. You heard, but you didn't look back, and I wasn't gonna tackle you Not this time. So I retreated back to my space and locked the door senselessly behind myself You still have my key In the days that passed that sentence unnerved me and kept me together at the same time Maybe you would come back. I fantasized that one day I'd unlock the door to find you sitting there waiting still wanting even though all we had left was hurting Of course, I didn't actually want that, but I was an addict didn't know any better or know that I was better Weeks after you didn't show up on my doorstep. I abandoned that vision and clung to technology instead Maybe a surprisingly vulnerable early morning email or late-night texts would start that scab Where do I begin to explain? You brought to life something left for dead in me I blamed you the person because it was easier than chasing the pain. I'm sorry All the hiding and in the end. I lost you. I know it's too late, but I thought it was still worth saying You didn't deserve the worst of me and I die a little every time I realize. That's probably all I It's probably all I left you with But of course that phantom message never found its way to me and why would it we were all full together So why would we magically work well apart and that's the obvious part about closure that movies tend to leave out If you were dating the kind of person who goes out of their way to exercise self-insight compassion and empathy so that you could heal Chances are you probably wouldn't have split up in the first place Closure has this reputation for being a team sport, but in reality it usually isn't accomplished by holding hands It's most often done with clenched fists as you fight off the addiction and search for meaning from it all So because you can't always get it from them. Let's work on it together Are you ready to let go? Close your eyes and remember Remember that feeling in your stomach on that date Remember the way they made you feel small in big rooms Remember that inspirational quote that you read over and over wishing it felt like home Rather than hope on your lips Remember that look that never felt right The touch that always kind of rubbed you the wrong way Remember that yes, nothing worth having comes easy, but having someone worth loving is not supposed to be that hard Now open your eyes and say these words to them, but only with me I don't know if you're broken. That isn't for me to say. I do know that you're cut uniquely and While your edges and angles are lovely no matter how I twist or turn them your just doesn't fit with me. I Loved you. I do not understand you You