 Can you stand for it? My name is Jimmy, his name is Jake, and this is the Weekly Dumb. Congratulations on the best mouth trumpeter in John Boy Media. Thank you. Welcome to Rug Cutters Anonymous, uh, except you know our names. Dad did a little dance in this weekend clip. Jim, you took it literal. I got a box cutter and I ripped the carpet out of my new house because it smelled like the birthplace of mold and I didn't like it. Two Rug Cutters. All right, let's get to the stories here. We got a lot of sports to talk about, Jake. What's in the sports? Jim, this is a big one. We're a baseball company, so we got to talk about what's going on in Believelin. Jim, the team changed their name and I love this. They really went for it with this one. Welcome to the baseball, the Cleveland Indians. The Cleveland Indians. I actually, the more I've thought about it, the more I appreciate the decision from a lazy, not wanting to take any risk standpoint. They probably had a meeting and they said, hey, the people of Cleveland, we can tell them this is about the city because we got the statues called the guardians on the bridges and the little kids may like it because the guardians of the galaxy type stuff and the old people will like it because it goes to our heritage with the guardian statues and the money people will like it because all the billboards still have the IANS underline in the same way and it's easy. This was as uncontroversial as a name change can possibly be and that's where you're right. You do have to give them credit for that. Because you're not going to have a hot day. You can't be mad about it. The maddest thing on the internet was that rollerblading team that they're the Cleveland Guardians and they issued a statement like, we don't care. We're outgunned here. They were roller derby. Quick aside, my dad's assistant was a big in roller derby in the 80s in the Bay Area, the Bay Area bombers, I believe, and I was at the time making side money by converting old VHS tapes to DVD and hard drives and she gave me them on the side and was like, don't tell your dad about what I used to do. And I was like, what the fuck is she going to give me on these tapes? And I started playing him and it was nothing but her just beating chicks up in roller derby. And I was like, I didn't tell my dad. I kept it a secret. And then she told my dad and he was like, he didn't tell you. And I was like, you told me not to tell him. So then she was definitely wanting me to tell my dad. But anyway, roller derby is cool and the guardians name is not cool, but it's not terrible, whatever. Jimmy, that brings us the people are clamoring for almost a breakdown. These two girls were on the slingshot ride, Wildwood, New Jersey. One of my favorite documentaries is about Wildwood, New Jersey in the late 80s. I've told you it's different. It's different. Maybe I'll give you that clip to throw in there. It's so good. It's different. You can stay together forever or it's different. They go on the slingshot ride. I was a big slingshot ride enthusiast when I was a little kid. It's expensive. It was like 50 bucks or 25 bucks back then, probably 50 now. A bird hits her right in the neck. Every time I watch this video, I do that. It's a really good video because her friend has no idea. And she has the presence of mind to like take the bird. Like she reacts pretty quickly, grabs it and throws out. If I was to think of like my wife or my sisters, I feel like they just wouldn't want to touch it and they just get off me and not actually do anything about it. I've already movie-fied this and it's a love story. The bird would fly into her mouth and she goes, my first kiss on the Jersey Shore was a bird. Maybe it has food in its mouth and it feeds her bits of a mouse. I don't have the bird coming to life. I've thought about it for a while. Well, the news article said the bird's fine and like they don't know that. Oh, it's actually, it becomes a coming of age thing because then her crush that she wanted to be her first kiss, the bird sets them up and they fall in love with the bird. So miserable because he just lost a love of his life. I have it. I'm just mad at the news reporters for saying the bird's fine. Don't worry. You don't know that the bird could suffer like severe PTSD and not want to fly in those that area again. And that's where all his friends and family is. And now he's not coming around. Now he's lonely because he's scared. Like you don't know the bird's fine. I hate when they just assume that that was the part of the news clip that got you. And that's a human translation for we didn't find a dead bird. We did not find this bird's fine. It could be traumatized. This one's brought to you by Manscape. We both have razors. We put them on the sides of our table at some point during the following segments. Zach is going to say draw. We will not be drawing the razors from our side. We will have to capture the razor from the other side. First one to get on the other side of the table. Draw it wins Manscape razor lawnmower 4.0 code dumb 20 at manscape.com 20% off plus free shipping. Thank you Manscape for supporting the show here. Jake. That's huge. We got a lot of really good not sports. Jim we do. I mean this first story maybe the number one story that's ever spoken to me sperm bank holds contest to find out who has the best seam. And I mean this is every group of friends dreams maybe not every but yeah in Shanghai they hold a competition and they're going to measure it. I think you know the most potency on motility and sperm count what's motility mean you know thickness hey let me see your oh you got good motility down there the thickness of it I think it's like agility meets sperm they're doing this because they need more sperm donors they're like really low does this invite the type of man you want to be the father of your kid no on the other side of that if you have someone coming in that has such peacock feathers that they think their sperm needs to be donated to society fuck that guy oh you're wicked smart and you're hot and you're tall i don't care thank you just people i want money right like a true sperm competition is everyone donates they all get girls pregnant and then true sperm competition right you all donate okay there's like top 10 then you get pregnant with it and then the best kid wins what Zach nods approvingly Zach nods approvingly like this is 20 years down the line versus nurture i would like if it was one sperm versus one sperm straight it's a new reality show like they all have the same nurture if the nerds could isolate one sperm from each of them Truman show just mono a mono sperm i think it's Truman show they all have the same nurture so much gas lately man oh shit i lost her instantly the one fucking no yo my whole goal was to dq you anyways because i thought we were gonna hit and i was just gonna have you touch your hand to yours the i lost or i was gonna threaten you with the scissors the whole rule was i you're not allowed to touch the one on your side i lost immediately i'm gonna that's gonna follow me all day that's gonna follow me oh my god Zach's so excited to get blood back in the show let's move back into sports uh no we're not doing that again the olympics are underway and you'll get no videos because they'll take down our whole company but the fun clip from yesterday i talked about cutting a rug jim the 400 meters katie ladecki us star gets beat by titmiss no jokes there and her coach goes nutty a good dancing clip yeah i don't know he was dancing he was kind of like humping the air and being like super in australia i think they say super aggro he's being super aggro and it's like it felt like he was doing a webber like who do you think you are i am right but he didn't win right he's the coach his his ashley won so you know nobody missed i the whole thing i'm to out it would have been a lot more better if he gave one more like you you you yeah and said it was like oh i am the one yes he needed like one point to the ocean be like that's all you where do you think they're swimming dude that's how swimmers activate their brains that's the that's how he trains them he says you have to imagine you're in the ocean and every other swimmer is a shark that's actually his number one training method baby there's a shark in the water copyright that's one of the only times i studied in college i played that song on repeat all night all night or all morning jake used to wake up like three a.m go get a nose from the gas station and then work from three to like eight in the morning do we need distractions but most people like just stay up till three a.m sleep from like five to eight you did the opposite i need the people to go to sleep i can't my head got tiny there do that again oh that's bizarre that's tiny it looks like we photoshopped you is that can you use photoshop that will obviously like a little acorn it's the employee of the week yeah it's the employee of the week oh today it's not even pebbles alone it's gonna burn i saw fleas penis that's the end of the show thank you manscape i was watching documentary uh woodstock 1999 flea plays the whole set naked on the stage that's the dream employee of the week fucking fine zack you got it he's the employee of the month he doesn't get him play the week um i given it to fleas penis okay wow that's brutal i was gonna give it to you if you had to describe fleas penis how would you describe it it's yeah not not aggressively nice and not aggressively just like there enough to go on stage you know what it is if you're gonna be like a naked guy you cannot have too big of a penis because then everyone says you're just doing this because you're you're showing off you want everyone all big your dick is my flaccid penis is a two out of ten what's fleas oh it's like a seven oh okay but he was all whipping around woodstock 99 uh crazy documentary about how terrible our generation of boys was you and i that was a weekly time support for this program was brought to you by manscaped get 20 off plus free shipping with the code dumb 20 at manscape.com that's 20 off plus free shipping with the code dumb 20 at manscape.com achieve pubic glory this year with manscaped lost out to fleas penis