 Ejaculate inside of them. That's how you make babies, you know, it's Smear coming to their mouth while they're sleeping. It doesn't work. Ooh. What? Nothing. Are we... Are we live, man? We are. What's that? Episode number 37, is it? I don't never remember. Well, well, well, I fucking remember. Episode number 37. G'day, everyone. How are you bloody going? Hey, let's just start by saying... Top fucking 10. Top fucking 10. Listener's Choice Award. Fucking hell. Thanks, everyone who voted. We actually got like, we're like, oh, fuck, we might win this. But then we realized as well... Imagine... What's snippet? Because all of the winners from the podcast awards, they all played a snippet of their podcast? What did they, Matthew? They did. I was thinking to myself, I thought, what if we win? What are they going to play? I thought that. I was thinking that while I was watching. I know we didn't win, so it doesn't matter, but... I thought it would just be a compilation of us just laughing non-stop. Apparently, they were like fucking middle-aged judges. Yeah, all the judges are a bit older, but... Imagine them watching one of your squirties. Yeah, I can't see us ever winning anything like that. Even if we do get the most votes, I'll probably just try and sort of forget about it. But it would make a good... That would be an election. It would make it good to enter every year just so someone would have to watch something of ours. That would make me feel good. It would be back to the idea of those old middle-aged judges seeing you spread your ass cheeks and fart on me. But very good achievement. Second season, top 10 listeners' choice award of the Australian podcast awards. Not fucking bad, alright? It's not too bloody bad. I messaged them. I said, hey, where did we come? Where did we come in the top 10? No reply. Seen it? No reply. Like just fucking tell us where we came. We didn't make top three. I've got a vision of the future. You guys are going to host those awards one day. I decline it. Okay. Yeah. No way. I have declined it. They asked him. They asked him the next day. Yeah. I declined it then. Social media is pretty funny. Yeah, fuck me. Yeah, we're still bloody. We've got a reach restriction. We've got our second backup page now, which is up to a level where it's alright. So it's sort of... Who is supporters? University of Mark or Facebook? Or you can go to our website. Well, the... Which of this podcast is sponsored by the University of Michael, our subscription website. It's got fucking hundreds, over a hundred videos on there of just us don't fucked up shit. And what did we do today, Michael? I've got a hill on my arm. We are covered in bruises and cuts because we filmed three website videos today. And now we're doing the podcast three. We went back to our roots. One of the videos was me taking Michael through our new restaurant and vortexes just kept fucking smashing into us. So I got a cut. The second video was egg dodging and it was whoever could get hit the most is the winner. Oh, and then we fucking tried. Did the Milk Skull Mandarin throw challenge? We did it. We repeated that one. We've done it before. Fucking part two of that one. It was so scary. So it's been a whole day of just having shit hurled at us and incredible speeds. Incredible speeds by a friend. He's never fucking play sport. He's a fucking teacher and he can throw harder, harder than any athlete. I've we did a video with professional cricket players. Remember? Did we? Yeah. The Apple Apple one with fucking what's his face? Yeah, Bryce. No, not Brock. Bernie Sanders. Yeah. Bernie Sanders professional and yeah. Hundred percent James going to throw couldn't throw harder than him. Yeah. Fuck me. And he was so accurate. Oh, I have a hill. Look, have you seen my hill yet, Matt? Yeah, it's pretty. Yeah. So there's some fucking. Well, we're trying to just pump out as many website videos as we can. So we can have a break over the Christmas period. I'm all right. Let's fucking how are the on these days, man? Before we start, can we see Michael sunburn? Oh, yeah. You got really, really fingered in that it's a sit down. Michael had a tough day at the beach and this is like four days ago. All right. So just bear that in mind when you look at this because it hasn't healed at all. If anything, it's gotten more purple. All right. He's standing now. He's pulling his pants down. It's pretty fuck for those who are those listening on Spotify. It's like it's like it's purple. It's purple. It's a purple patch of skin. Legs are. It's nice and cool. Oh, thank you. Oh, my God. Rose. That day you go fucking rice. That day sitting down. He's time kills. Thank you for this today's episode. Fucking we fucked. See if the sentences thing off because it just wasn't working. And look at this. We got a fucking stack of packages in our P.O. Box pile. We got fucking questions, a bunch of good questions to answer. I mean, I'm gonna fucking prank all that fucking butcher being honored. Fine. He's got a lot of people have been asking for Arnold. Really? Comments fucking. He's my favorite guy. I'd fuck him. You need to write all these characters down, Marty. Hmm. All right. On this day, a. On this day, a. Oh, fuck every movement. Man, do you have any confessions to make before I start reading them? This is my confession. These are my confessions. Look, I want some water, please. Fuck it. We keep it. We're gonna pour on me. Stop. He milked me hard today. I licked it. Fucking almond milk. I literally had a coat of milk. So what, I was like fully pale white. He looked like he had a white face painted on. Just milk. On this day in 1998, Missy Higgins milked herself with pliers. She mashed her nips up pretty bad to get one liter of blood milk. The feet was even more impressive because she wasn't even pregnant or lactating. She sells her own body hair now. On this day in 2016. Wait, wait, wait. That's pretty good for me. That was sounded like a fake fire. It's actually good. Man, so I was going to make a compilation of this like in 10 years time. And we are going to come across as the sickest, oldest man. Disgusting croaches. Imagine when you're 50 and you're doing square things on me. What will our future children think? Your future children. Yeah, just don't do it when they're around. Marty's going to get to a point where I'm going to be able to hold it in. It's just all going to fly out. It's just going to be a constant seep fest. Oh, dude. It'd be so funny to see a 50 year old man rip his arse cheeks apart and let it go. On this day in 2000, Chris Hemsworth accidentally built a ship. It was in the middle of Byron Bay and it was actually pretty inconvenient. CCTV footage revealed Hemsworth building like an idiot. He didn't even use tools. He just would squeeze nails into the wood. Honestly, I was pretty shocked when I heard about this. Like, don't build ships in the middle of towns. Fucked up traffic so bad for a few days, man. That is good. In 2016, Roger Federer planted seven of his loads. He would dig a small hole, wank and flick his semen into the hole and bury it. Unbelievable. Five of the seven loads have germinated into necks. Federer now has five necks growing in his backyard and he said he's not sure how this is even happening. He also went on to say that none of this is true. But trust me, Lol, he's definitely got necks growing. I saw them the other day. So yeah, it's definitely a real man. Wow. Flicking around. Flicks to come into the hole. On this day in 2012, Carmen Electra became a flock of exotic birds. That's fair. I haven't seen her around for ages. Well, yeah, well, what does she do? What do you mean? What does she do? Is she a porn star? She's fucking told you can't. She's fucking a flock of birds, you fucking dumb bitch. Next segment. Oh, all right. This is a quick secret time. He got one secret. Oh, we're doing a quick secret. Are we? Yeah, I've got one. Hey guys, we're running out of secrets. Send through some secrets. We need them. All right. This one's from I had some secrets come through the other day. Actually, I might check my phone to a secret for the podcast. I went on vacation with my entire family. We went to Turks and Cocos for two weeks and I saw this pretty girl at the bar at the hotel night after night. And then one of the nights I approached her and we got some chemistry and had a few drinks and last in the next thing. I know I'm with her and her friend in their hotel room, which isn't even at the same hotel. My entire family was out. So I'm sitting with these two older ladies. Then we then me. I was 25 at the time. These two ladies are hot cougars. So we drank some coronas and boom. Next thing I knew one of them is sitting on my face and the other is sucking my cock. They said they loved young cock this. So it was all good. Then yeah, we started having sex and I had sex with the first younger looking girl who's actually 52 boom. She squirts a little the first time. I kind of like a warning shot. I'm still drinking beer. What the fuck is going on? He hasn't put a full stop at all once. What the fuck is this? Sounds like he rushed it. A little the first time I've had a warning shot and drink beer. Then boom. She squirts like a squirt gun all over the room and then I have sex with the other lady. She's 56 and I actually and actually pretty hot. So I bang her and boom. She squirts even more by the end. Their entire hotel room was moist and we fucked till like 6 a.m. So I was like fuck it. I'm going back to my hotel room to sleep had a room with my cousin who thought I was kidnapped but I was getting some the walk of I just what this none of that makes this even makes sense. Whoever sent that in fuck you next fucking secret. Holy shit. Let's send us ramblings of your fuck stories send us secrets like this young man. Okay. So here's a story for you. I have a I rolled up to my mates 30th the other week and everyone was calling our bro Darren definitely Darren. I couldn't. I couldn't quite figure out why cat. Why has I was in such hysterics about his new gay ass nickname. I didn't think to ask why till he left now definitely Darren has a misses of many years. Does this make sense. What the fuck is wrong with these people. Send us a fucking sentence a normal constructed sentence. The special my fuck now we have to give him a secret. No no no we have a shout out to give to one of our university fucking members. All right we love our university members. Now this guy we just want to fucking I guess send some good vibrations his way the poor fuck up Corey Tremblay fuck should I say his name Corey yeah Corey Tremblay dude. We heard the bad news yeah well fucking he's yeah he's been diagnosed with heart disease hanging there Corey okay you keep read how not to die dude trust me it is reversible you can reverse heart. It's a book how not to die as a book by Michael. Buble Buble Corey Michael glory Brookhouse. I don't want to ask that but yeah just type it in how not to die and you get that book dude you can reverse it I promise you I'm going to leak Michael's address. Thank you. All right let's move right along. Let's fucking unless let's read the secrets before we head next week because otherwise we'll just be reading the ramblings of Mad Men. Mad Men. Good TV show. I've never seen it. Should we continue the segment name changes as well. I feel like my heart's not in it anymore. So I wouldn't have to you can just come up with them whenever you want next segment. Maybe they'd be over if you get a rage every now and then like an every now and then thing maybe next segment has been renamed. All right. This is questions. We're about to answer some questions. There's some good questions. There's a lot of questions. I saw some fucking good questions. JC sent in a question for the podcast. Jesus Christ. What was Debonair Den and what was that all about. Sorry if this has been asked before that has been asked before and that was a when we first started making videos it was with a couple of other guys and that was that was our show. That was the fucking shit name that was our show. But yeah, that's it's long gone long gone. All that shit. Next question is from doughnut films. Oh, Marty, how many times have you pissed on Michael's face? That's ever happened. Definitely has happened. Yeah, it's happened. I can think of three right now. Sometimes he when I'm peeing at the urinal he'll kneel next to me and try and intercept my stream with his tongue. And I'll get my dick like this and I'll flick to the side a little bit. Is that with you or Jackson? Jackson probably does it too. But you've done it to me. Is that when we're drunk and we're fucked up? Yeah. Well, we're not bloody sober when you're drinking my piss at a bloody urinal, mate. Actually, what is this shit on me? One of my earliest memories of Michael is at a bar. And you know, at the piss trough, there's usually people put their glasses there and everyone just pisses in the glasses so they're just full piss. Michael's having a full on conversation with me. We're pissing and then out of nowhere, he just picks up a full piss of random piss, which is probably multiple pisses, takes a sip and just gives me a wink and puts it back down. Are you fucking kidding me? That was one of my earliest memories of the year. You're a disgusting pig. I don't even remember that. You are. You are revolting. Do you understand me? You make me sick. I've seen it. Holy shit. Next question is from Brie Firth. I think what was the thought of the first person milking a cow? What were they trying to do? I don't know. Maybe they probably just saw the calves sucking them. They were practicing wristies and they probably just saw it. Fuck. I wonder what that that shit tastes like. Yeah. Yeah, because they'd know that their mum produces it. Yeah. So they fucking want to get it's like you. I'm curious what was coming out. Cow's milk tastes a lot better than human milk. I'll tell you that much right now. What about almond milk? Have you sculled human milk yet? No, I would never. Like imagine being a... So you would drink piss but not drink breast milk? Yep. I'd fucking drink piss over breast milk. What about mixed together? It's sick. It's curdled. Scares me. I think we need some breast milk in the future. Like I don't know it's just... Lucky? Lucky's visiting. The idea freaks me out more than piss. Lucky, come over. Really? Yeah. Come over here, Lucky. It's just strange. Let me cut a piece of your hair off. Even though it's natural, it's strange to me. This is Lucky, everyone. He used to live with Michael. I'm just going to cut a little piece of his hair off now. Come... Can you see that on camera, Matt? Yep. Holy shit. I feel like leaves are making that. So I've just gone and cut some of Lucky's hair off. Can I see it? He didn't... Oh, that was a good look. I'd be upset with that. Let's cut a look of hair off. Thanks, mate. Such a... I like it. All right, next question. Next question is from Olympus. Top 10s. Oh, my God, Michael. You look weird. Oh, there's little knits crawling around now. Oh, yeah. You got a knit there, dude. Watch out. Remember when you guys gave each other knits? Yeah. And Lucky had to shave his fucking skull, Cunt. That's what happens when you shave it. He had to shave him. Anyway, next question. Olympus Top 10 says, what happened when Jackson already took you guys to Jake Paul's house? Jackson wasn't there. We went with some other dudes. And, yeah, we just went in there. Jake Paul wasn't there. It's a fucking big house. No, right? Oh, man. There's Lego in the walls. There's like fucking 10 people living there. And it's just, it's like a fucking huge house. It's big. They've got a fucking basement studio. I would say that it's bigger than this house. Yeah, yeah. There's a follow-up part to this. He says, was Jake's dad there? And was he slamming 21-year-old girls? No, Jake's dad wasn't there. But there were some other people there. There were some other influencers. People were a little chat to them. And we said, oh, hey, guys, we're from Australia like that. And they said, I've never heard of you. And they said that. We'll be drinking. Yeah. Not at that stage. Yeah, we were. Shortly after that, we got on the bloody bloodies. Yeah. Is there having like a party upstairs on the balcony? Not really. I don't think no one was drinking. Oh, really? We went to a party after though, bro. Remember that? Yes. Yep, yep. Next question is from It'sCheesy. When is Bosley going to make a guest appearance on the podcast? I don't know how. He's, there's no room for him here. And like, I could lift him up and show him, but he'd be like, oh, I don't know. Maybe we could start the podcast with him on the table one day and then take him off. With the earmuffs on. Fucking freak out and knock everything off. He hates the spotlight. He hates it. He's just a medical person in the background, he said. Look at these scissors, man. I've got them back to front now. I'm just going to fuck. Next question. Next question is from Tane Thomas. If you died tomorrow, what would your last wish be? To live? I want a gold medal. I want a gold medal, man. Or a fucking paddle pop cyclone. I've kicked a gold the other for fun. Now I want a gold medal, man. We deserve that shit. Do they get medals for AFL? Yeah, I think so. They get the big trophy for the team. The brown lone, the norm Smith. What's with the brown load? The brown lone, the norm Smith medal. So ridiculous. I want the brown lone. Norm Smith. What's the norm Smith? Haven't heard of that one. It's the best player on the field during the AFL grand final. I'll tell you what, I thought we were in for a running there for in the first quarter. We had one disposal each and one goal each. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I fight. Oh, yeah. My tummy's rumbling. Oh, yeah. So hungry. Our next question is from Isaac Prentice. Other than fines and court appearances, has there been any close calls to one of you both? Or both of you actually going to jail? Like arrested, arrested, I don't think so. Yeah. But there's just, there's been times, dude, where we could have fucking gone away for a long time. Remember? Yeah. That was the shitting scariest fucking day of our lives. Oh, yeah. There's been, there's been moments. There's been heaves of times. Where we were, where we were not far off. Jail time. Unfortunately, those, those types of stories will have to save for years to come. What for the book? That will be out in a few years. But there, there were some moments where I thought, hey, it's all over. Remember when I had the cocaine? Oh, dude. Cops pulled us over? Oh man. Like, it was fucked. Oh, you had no, yeah. Okay. Fuck. Michael had a handful of weed and he just, I was just scrunching it up, putting, scrunching it into the ground. Onto the fucking floor of the car. Just scrunches up. And Marty had shorts on with the pockets didn't even fucking, they had holes in him. So he put his, Charlie's medicines in there and then he, the cop was, if he had asked him to step out, bang, it would have fell straight out. And I was so nervous. I handed my license over to the policeman. You were so, I've never seen you so nervous. Cause that was it. If he had a, if, yeah. Anyway. And fuck. Like then they even asked us any drugs in the car. And no, they said, is there anything in the car that shouldn't be in there? Cause the car was flagged. We're bleeding, we're dipping into a much larger story. We cannot, we cannot unravel the threat. One day. Next question is from as, um, scientific question. What is the most amount of wanks you've ever had in a day? Oh man, when I was a little teenager, let me tell you, sometimes, oh, do we remember Batfest? Batfest in Germany. I'm now like five, six. Once we had one in Germany, we would don't really. No, we would go back and back and back. We would all be sitting in a room, watching fucking German porn and sacking ourselves. Everywhere you turn, six men. Fuck, once I'm done, I'm done. Maybe we were that, we were that bored. No, I guarantee you. We went over and over and over again. There's nothing to do but the jerk of the porn together in an attic. We weren't like looking at each other. It wasn't. We weren't out there dark corner. It wasn't. I watched one of the boys come. Yeah, but the boys, we weren't aware of it. Michael's the only one watching us come. After he came, I was like, fuck you. And he's like, dude, fuck. This sounds fucking mad. This sounds really mad. We're not going to explain in full detail. It sounds probably a lot more fucked than what it is. A group of dudes wanking off. I'm pretty sure you've told the story. Yeah, well, we just, there's literally nothing to do in this tiny town. We were like, we were in our own area each in the lounge room. There was a big lounge room and the lights were off and we had blankets on. So I was like, I don't know if we should talk about this. Fucking hell. Like we were 20 years old. 20 years old piss drunk addict in Germany where there's just 24 seven porn on. All right. Excuse me. We're in a town where there's no shops. There's literally the population of a hundred people. It's snowing. There's nothing to do. We were stuck there for a week. My grandma was downstairs. And clouds and the fucking man. My grandma was downstairs and we were masturbating. Did you have the volume up? No. Was it on silence? It was very late at night. Was it any volume? A little bit, I don't know. That's weird. There was no volume. One of our mates particularly was like, I will not stand for this. He did it the most. No, I can't make that corner. Or blow his name. Blow his name. Bebe's name actually. He did not. Yeah. He was like, I cannot. I'm not fucking taking this. And he went into the only fucking room. It makes it sound even more weird. It makes it sound more weird that one of us realized how weird it was. You hanging out with your mates. It's just a bit of bunter. It's just fucking bunter with the boys. It's not as bad as you think. I guess because we all had our dark corners. Apart from me, I sort of pushed the line when I sort of crept up on that one mate. But I just wanted to freak him out. And I freaked him out. Some friends milk cows, some friends milk each other. Yeah, we didn't do it to each other. We didn't help each other. You tried to have sex with one of our friends. Michael tried to have sex with one of our friends. And that's when it got weird. And we haven't spoken about that since. But you came on to another one of our friends called. Cut his name Connor. You didn't come on to him. You tried to have sex with him. I just wanted to be a whispered in his ear after he finished to freak him out. And oh my God. Anyway, that might not be true. That story. Yeah. Next question. 5050. Next question is from Justin. Ryan. What's the funniest memory you have together? I'm pretty sure you just said it. No, that wouldn't be the funniest. No. Fuck, what's made me laugh the most? Probably that time at Down Underbar when you... Remember when you first started talking to... And the first night... Cut that name, please. When you first started... Okay, bleep that name. When you first started talking to that girl that you were seeing for a little while. Yeah. And you kept screaming at her whenever she would talk to you. Really? It was fucking hilarious. I can't scream anymore. Were they decent screams? Yeah, you're just shaking and screaming. She keeps saying, why are you doing that? You love that shit? Yeah. I liked... There's been many with Marty. There was this one time we were walking home and I think I've said this before. But there's these chicks yelling out to us. Marty just sort of comes up, wields this big stick around his fucking head. Just goes, I'm a wizard, you whore. Fuck, it was just really well said. Good timing to what she said. The way he moved his body was beautiful. We should make a list for the next week's podcast. We should make a list of these because there's so many. We're going to forget this shit. I can't remember primary school anymore. I can't even remember the beginning of the day. High school is going to be gone. You should have started your podcast. Then early 20s is going to be gone. Then late 20s, then 30s. When I'm 60, I'll have Alzheimer's. Yeah, but at least in your 30s, you'll have this to review. This is like a little diary entry every time. I can so see us listening to all of these later. And just being like, yeah. Saying, fuck man, we were the sickest, can't say. Next question. Shit. Shit. Next question is from Leif. Are you going to have Jackson back on the podcast again? Maybe the final episode. Yeah, maybe we'll get fucking Jack on for the fucking final. He's sticking around for a little bit longer now. He was going to go fucking fuck off back and fucking me. He's fucking sticking around now. So I'm fucking getting on. Next question is from Brie Firth again. Second question or not? Do either of you have any conspiracy theories that you believe? Probably a big list. Oh, Michael's could fucking go on for bloody bloody. But I don't really... We won't get into them, hey? Yeah, we'll be here all day. But me, conspiracies, I don't know. Because I don't know what's real and what's not anymore. So I've just chosen to stick my head in the sand and just watch funny videos and just try and make funny videos. That's all I spend my energy on now. Michael, next question is from Sabrina Matira. Matira, I'm curious, what does a normal working day look like for you guys? We wake up, we go to the gym, then we go and have breakfast and plan the day of usually filming out. Mondays is admin day where we just fucking sitting down in Michael's lounge room just on our computers being office boys and then Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday we film our fucking tits off. Tuesday nights we do the podcast and yeah, we just organize videos and then we go and film the videos. And that process is just repeated over and over again until about fucking 5pm and then we go home and rest our weary bodies and scrub all the dirt out of our wounds. Yeah, God, I reckon there's glass in here. Do it all again. Next question is great. It's from defy underscore you. If you could change the sound of your fart, what would it be? I'd do a gunshot, so it would scare the fuck out of everyone. Yeah, that would be... Fuck! Oh, fuck. I reckon yours would be nice if yours sounded like a... A goat? Or a flaming? Or a flirtatious giggle. Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh. Oh, that would be sick. Oh, I'm so hungry. Next question is from another brie. Is there any meet and greets in the pipeline in the future with fans? Yeah. Yep. Well, we're not drinking any shit now, so it's like, it's a bit... What would we do? What would we do with fans? Just sit in a circle with a fucking tambourine mat. Is that what you want? Have a bit of tea. Yeah, just fucking sit in a circle and we go around and say something about ourselves. Is that what you want? Yeah, we all made a new farm park. Done. In December in Brisbane, we're doing a meet and greet. New farm park. To thank our fans. What happened last time? Something fucked? Oh, the first meet and greet. That's the night we did it at that much MD. Remember, I said I'm never doing MD in public again. Yeah, you were just... You were asking... Michael was so munted that he was asking me where the small dumbbells were in a bar we were at. That's what our meet and greets are like, guys. Yeah, that's what they have... That's what they were, but so we don't know what to do now. We can just hang out and fucking slay the tambourine. Yeah, and plus, it's like, it's scary because like, how embarrassing if no one shows up. Like, last time was a bit embarrassing, the fuck, or people came, but it was just scattered throughout the day, and they didn't show themselves. Yeah, fucking thank fuck the end of the night. I didn't see me in that state. So if you live in Brisbane and you would come to a meet and greet, comment on this podcast so we can get an idea because if there's lots of people, fuck it, we'll do a meet and greet. We'll go play bowling. Exactly, we'll go play bowling with everyone. We'll fire out the bowling alley. Fire out the bowling alley. Last question. Would either of you ever enter politics if you did, what would your policies be? Fuck man, it's too hard. My policy would just be to fucking be a fucking mad cunt. And anything that didn't align with that, I'd fucking wouldn't do it cunt. Stunt men would have no tax to pay. Man, I would, like how fucking, I'd be the sickest fucking politician cunt. Fuck you cunt! Fuck you cunt! Drop me fucking holding around the fucking streets cunt. Woo! How many chickens would it take to kill a lion from Brie? Yeah. Oh fuck. I miss that. You'd need a thousand more aggressive, well trained fighting chickens. I'll tell you what, you need roosters and you've come to the right guy. Chickens? Do roosters taste like chickens? Yeah, of course. Have you ever been to a red rooster? Yeah, true. Sorry. Oh, why weren't you guys invited to Charmie's boat party? We were, but since we're not drinking and shit, we decided, oh, we better not go. We'd be too tame to. But yeah, it looked like a lot of fun and in the future I'm sure we'll be fucking those 50 year old cunts who'll be fucking blind in one eye cunt. And I'll be in a fucking wheelchair like deaf and blind and shit, man. You'll be blind too, mate. And we'll be like fucking going nuts and shit. I'll be a politician. Oh, fuck me. All right, is that the end of question time? Do you guys know Sassy, the Sasquatch from The Big Lez Show? Yeah, guys, watch The Big Lez Show. What are you talking about? Very good. Anyway, our next segment, eh? What is it? Well, I'll have a look at this, mate. Yes, I'm excited. All right, the next segment is the P.I. 1 boxing segment. Oh. And let me tell you, we've got some bloody boxes here. Big fat pink bitch. Let's get the small one done first. No, you want to do both? Or do you want to save it for next week? There's some German written on here. I'll attempt to read it, but just remember, I was only three when I left, so my reading at three wasn't the best. It says vorsicht, which means be careful. Look at this. Sehr brechlich, which means it's fragile. It's from Nicky, one of our regular commenters. Oh, Nicky, it came. Thank you so much. All right, so this is fucking fragile, so let's see what it is. Oh, someone sent something fucked. Wait, Marty, just put it on its side. Oh, dude. So it's on its flight. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What have you got there, Mark? Is that also from Nicky? No, no, it's a separate person. Do I read their name? Oh, this is from Johnno Wallace. Oh, Johnny. I don't know what was that. He's fucking packaged this up big time. It could be drugs then. I have a feeling, dude, we have just been sent. No, please be Valium's or something that we can consume immediately. Oh, I got scared. I thought it was a snake for some reason. Just be careful. All right, we're opening up. What is it? What is it, Michael? Explain to the people on Spotify what the fuck you've got there. Is it a piece of shit? Oh, no, is it? No, we would have smelt it by now. Oh, wow. That's easy to, Michael, huh? We got sent gremlins. Oh, wow, little gremlins. Actually, I did hear that someone was going to send us some little figurines for the ganttop of the letters. Oh, fuck yeah. Oh, the ganttop of the letters. We'll definitely chuck them on next week. If anyone doesn't know gremlins is a movie. Thank you, Johnno. Hey, Johnno, thanks for the gremlins, man. We put them straight in our gremlin collection. Thank you so much, John, for the gremlins, mate. Fucking hell, he's got heaps of them. Like this. Dude, all my fucking god. We'll add them to the podcast. I just had a peek into this box, and there are some good sheets. Read the letter first. Let's save the best for last. This is like Christmas. There are so many gifts in here. Whoa! And lollies. And this is like... How to form a kinder for... What's that, fuck? It's an Evans ore. It melted. Dear sweet youths. Here are some gifts and inspiration for experiments or pranks. You can see below, which is for Marty, which is for Michael, and which is for you both. Please feel free to share the unwrapped candy with your brothers, Connor and Matt, and with your sister, Julia. I hope nothing melted or broke. Hugs from Germany. Huge hugs from Germany. Nicole, P.S. You don't have to read the letter inside in the podcast. It might be too long for the podcast, but please read it in general. No, of course we're going to read it on a bloody podcast. Holy shit. Holy shit. And she's got a little... What do you call it? A legend here. So this wrapping's for Michael. Whoa! This wrapping's for both, and this one's for Martin. The little kittens on there. Mine are bigger. Mine are bigger. Thank you so much, Nicole. Thank you, Nicky. Look, we got treats. What are you... All right. Fuck you. So she sent us a massive box. Michael's just pulled out some treats. We got gummy bears. We got fucking chocolates. Oh, chocolate. Oh, chocolate. Should we open the ones for us both first? Okay. What's this? Should we open this one? Oh, hang on. Let's just get all the lollies out. Should we do this first? There's no... That's the letter. Look at all the lollies. Look at all the fucking lollies. Oh, my God. It's like a box of fucking lollies. And chocolate. They're all German, too. This is a big letter. Dear Martin and Michael, brother, I admit the package is a little bit big, but I wanted funny and nice stuff in it. And of course, watching your videos and podcasts are quite inspirational. Long story short, I found a video I've used during the hardest time of my life, questioning everything, and having nothing possible or fun to hold onto. You were the ones that made me laugh for the first time in a long time, ever since you are the daily reason to at least laugh once. I'm really lucky to have awesome friends that supported me all the time, but with you, I can forget about everything for a few minutes. I do enjoy watching stuff from Jackson Fallon, Woody and Kleinie, and used to enjoy Xiaomi's videos for some times, but no one of them can make me laugh like you. You two are just different. You engage with your fans much more, and I appreciate that, and you are just being yourselves. You seem to be your true use all the time. You are crazy. You laugh out from your hearts. You show it when you're sad or worried. You can dish and take it, and you can laugh about yourselves, and you seem so much more down-to-earth and grounded. That's true we are. We are very down-to-earth and grounded. Thank you. On all the social network platforms are, of course, some idiots now and then who cry about the website or the content. Please never forget that your fans love you and embrace everything you do. So guys, thank you. Your impact on people's lives is bigger than you think. Keep on doing exactly what you do. Love yous, love Nicole from Germany. I don't hate Jews. I hate all people just the same. Fucking hell, Nicole. You're a fucking legend. We love you too, Nikki. Thank you, Nikki. That was so beautiful. This is like fucking Christmas. Oh, dude, I've been hacking into these. This is like fucking Christmas. This makes the gremlins, I'm sorry, look like shit. The gremlins are shit. I got here. Oh. What the shit? So here I have some Zana Mumus, which means cream Mumus in German, and they look like delicious creamy little ollies. So that one's for money. It's got cows on it. I'll enjoy them after a cow. Fuck. All right. You want to start opening yours, McClellan? Yeah, I just want to save them for Christmas. Yeah, I want to save them too. I want to save them too. All right. Is this fun, Matt, watching us open gifts? Oh, I got a letter. Oh, I've got something fragile here. I've got something fragile. Oh, shit, I forgot about the fragile. Look at Elle McColl. She's really put a lot of time and effort into this. Holy shit. In case Marty sets your cigarettes on fire or something, cigarettes give you cancer though. So please stop smoking. Yes, exactly. They do give you cancer, man. Remember? Maybe these are cigarettes. Remember that cancer you got? Oh. All right. We're still opening some gifts. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. Do you know what this is, Matt? Is that to hold cream and milk? Oh, I was going to say butter there. For your coffees, it's got a little, it's a cow. It's a ceramic cow. It's a ceramic cow, and you use it to... It's a little pouring cow like that. God, this is hard. Thank you very much, Nicole. I don't know whether to leave it here on the podcast. Yeah, leave it on the podcast. This will make it part of the setup. Wow. Are you struggling with opening yours? No, not at all. Mine was very easy to open. Okay. Pardon? Oh. Like that? Yeah. Should I do the same with this as well? Can you read the Germans? Just throw that on the ground, eh? Look at that. A bit of art. Throw that on the fucking ground. It's not my house. Oh. I'm not fine. Scheiber einschlagen. I'm not fine. Scheiber einschlagen. What's that mean? It means hello. I love you. Oh. It means in an emergency, smash the glass. And it's got a cigarette framed in a little frame. That's fucking awesome. A lighter and a little hammer to break the glass. So, only in emergencies, okay? Hey. Only smoke that in emergencies. Promise me. Yeah. Tickle is nice. Wow. That is a cool gift. I'm going to try one of these cream cow. We can add that to the podcast too, yeah? Is this? Wow, we've got some cool shit now. Our collection is growing. I want more, daddy. Thanks, everyone, who voted A. Thanks so much, everyone. Michael. Okay. This is for both of us. I'm hungry. I'm getting into this chocolate now. Yeah. Oh. Okay. Many Germans speak English pretty well. Most Germans, including me, think it is very funny to translate German sayings into English word by word. I wrote down the German sayings on pink, the word by word translation. In green, the actual meaning in blue. Hope you can enjoy and maybe use it as much as I can. Literally, from German to English, in English to German sometimes, is fucking weird because Germans have, like, it's just, I don't know how to explain it. It's just fucking weird. Ich glaube, ich spinne, means I think, I think I'm kidding, right? That's what it means. But literally, because spinne means also means spider. Isn't that strange, right? We're all learning, aren't we? Learning? So I think I, spider, I translate into. Anyway. Let's read a few of these each week. Yeah, I was saying we could make a segment for a while out of that. This is going to become a segment. Could either leave it for the new season or we could... Nicole, I'm leaving these here and we're going to read one every fucking week. That's beautiful. That is such a good idea. Dude, there's still more gifts. I think this shirt is big enough for two of us, darling. Oh, there's two head holes. We're going to fucking try one. Dude. All right, give us a second. We're going to try this on. Oh, shit. Hey, you're fingering me. Oh, you're going to be able to sit down? You have to bring the chairs a bit. Hey, fingering me. No, I'm not, Michael. You're going to bring the chair close. I don't know if people are listening on Spotify. Hang on, let me get my fucking headphones on. How do I do this? My cock's out. Oh, do you want me to... So Nicole has sent us a shirt that fits over two people and pants with two people. So now we're wearing that. So if you're listening on Spotify, go to the YouTube channel and see it. It's pretty funny. Oh, I can't wait to do video with it. This will be good for video. Yeah, we're going to use this for a video, Nicole. I'm going to put this outside now. Yeah, that's outside. Fucking hell, what a P.O. box today. Look at this shit, man. You got a lot of treats. Fuck me, mate, eh? I guess it's time to fucking ruin some Butch's fucking day, is it? Hello, my name is Arnold Fein. I called maybe two weeks ago. Who is this? Arnold Fein. Hey, how are you after, buddy? Anyone in charge of looking after the P.O.? Yeah, yeah, you take message, huh? What's your regards to? I called a few weeks ago. He told me, oh, maybe I'll buy your pick from me. He said that to me. I called back two weeks ago. He said he have friend Butcher who interested in maybe buying my pick. Small pig farmer, North Brisbane. You see, write that down, North Brisbane. And he say... Where's my father? North Brisbane. Where are you from? North Lakes, up in North Lakes. Up near North Lakes. We have two acres, two acres, a little farm. Just a little farm, not many pigs, but they're all big, fresh, plump. Are you... It's coming along. It's in the mail and it's all coming along. But look, he say... He actually had a... What do you mean? Oh, man. Sometimes I think maybe your story wrong way around, my friend. Because I talk to Butcher. He say to me, bring your pig in. I bring my pig in. I bring my pig in and he say to me, get out my store like that. He talk to me like that in front of customers. In Tramside. Down in Tramside. I took one of my pig to the butcher there. Hello, look at him. I do all the processing. I do everything for you. Are you licensed to process? It's all still working, I sort it all. Don't worry about that. Are you licensed with the health department? I've only come to Brisbane recently, so I'm not licensed to... But I have the... You sell the pig, yes? So I give you pig. Very special price. I give you very special price. You write that down. You write that down. Special price. Okay, okay. Listen, I bring pig in. I bring pig in, you see for yourself. It's a healthy pig. Oh, come on. Oh, come on. You talk all the police. That's crazy, Mark. I bring pig in. I bring pig in. Yes, we have to bring the pig in. We have to bring the pig in. We have to bring the pig in. Oh. I just think that he's fucking crazy, man. Oh, my God. Do we go in there, visit him, tell him it was a prank call, and just give him a shout out or something? Yeah, maybe we're going with a stuffed pig. Yeah, yeah. He's such a good sport about it. What if he's angry and has a butcher's knife or something? That's even better footage. That's even better footage. I love that guy, man. I don't find he's such a fine man. And then we change what he's trying to sell after that. He has strong values. Yeah, he's a good dude. And he's just trying to support his family. They've just moved. And he's just trying to find a way to support him. He has his only asset. I reckon he's definitely, he's like from East Germany. Yeah, maybe. I don't know yet. He's a mixture, he's gone from Russian to German. Yeah, he says he's Russian, but he has a German accent or some shit. He's so beautiful. Oh. Can't see me on Bon Bon Gibbon, but... Oh, there's these. Can't see me on Bon Bon Gibbon. Oh, there's some... Bon Bon Hub. We've got so much German food to eat. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. All right, 5.23, so we need a wrap. All right, we're the best. We're the best, we're the best. Thank you, Nikki.