 You can now follow me on all my social media platforms to find out who my latest guest will be and don't forget to click the subscribe button and the notifications button so you're notified for when my next podcast goes live. I spent a big part of my life trying to put faces to the cocky we're sucking when you're a kid, when you're like fucking seven, you know what I mean? Which is kind of some dark shit and you're like, you know, there's adults that are empowering themselves. And I remember being taken by an adult by a fostered stepbrother taking me to a place and leaving me with adults. When you get a record deal, the point being is we just go fucking mad. What about all the cars and the gold and the jewelry? Because I feel that I want to fill it and just go, I've made it. And then you think, you're a fucking idiot because he's monopoly money. Doesn't take your pain away. It doesn't set the pain away. And I'm there at five in the morning trying to find the last bit of gear in the fucking carpet and trying to call every fucking dealer. This is the bird that was fucking nonsing me. It was an adoptive fucking sister who was older than me and had no control. So she said to me, you would, you know, and it's this moment that stays with me that was all fucking out. I think that witnessing her die in that car and the ambulance isn't coming. I think that's, I think the repercussions of that have already proven. Because one of the main yardies was who was coming for golds was one of our diamond setters. Then why come on? He made a fucking message here. Like, I'll kill him boy. And this guy was off his head all the fucking time. Bad man. And I remember being on the phone on the bottom of 121st Terry's hearing shots down the road, thinking, rah, rah, I was on the phone with my bird in England. And the next thing you know, I put the phone down and then Orlando turns up and he's like, yo, fucking Jackson's been ironed out. And we go down the block and it's like, it's fucking heads. It's been fucking just been shut. It's fucking heads on the interior. All the interior of his car was just red. Been my line. Been your line. It's been a while. I've had so many people say to me, because being in Thailand, you kind of end up separating yourself and going, God, do James English, man. Really shit out there. God, do James. Yeah. Appreciate you for coming on. Legend. Get Goldy. A.K. What's the real names at Clifford? Clifford, Joseph Price. Yeah. So, yeah. There you go. I'm celebrating that. Make a toast to that, yeah. It's only when you go out and when you get some kids going, it's like, hey, Clifford, can I speak to you? I'm like, mate, you call me Clifford one more time. I'm going to give you the back of my fucking hand. You know, because my mom was always a thing about, it's the ultimate, there's like, not even on my hand, people that call me that. Like, I can hear my mom's voice when she went out. I hear the name. My wife, of course, Cliffy. Do you know what I mean? Because he's kind of really endearing. And there's a few older people like Drax or Lawrence Who from Bristol. You know what I mean? They go, Cliff. And I don't take offense to it because I feel they're very close to me. But yeah, it's been a mad journey. I mean, obviously our connection is Scotland, the Gourbals. Yeah. They're weird. Yeah, yeah. When I spoke to you on the phone, you says, I never expected that. Your mom's got, he's raised in Gourbals. My mom's from the Gourbals originally. No longer there. So, bless everyone in Scotland. You know, it's the only accents I can't do. I'm pretty good at accents, really. But just the idea of, you know, I was always going to be fucked up if my mom come from the Gourbals. I had a lot of sisters in the family felling over the black man. Father was an alcoholic. I hated a fucking gush because you're seeing a nigger. Getting thrown out of Scotland to go and work in a pub in Leeds. And she met my dad. That was never going to be easy, was it? Yeah. You know what I mean? Man of many talents though. Musician, author, actor, graffiti artist. Like, the list is long for your achievements. The drum and bass, like, you change the game there. 1996, you won the best album at the mobiles up against some absolute superstars. It's phenomenal achievement, but your life goes deep, brother. I believe this chat will go deep. You come from a lot of pain and misery. You're doing your own... We all have demons, we all battle, including today. You're working on them. You became a different animal. Your energy's changed. Your energy's shifted. It's a beautiful thing to see. But I always go back to the start of my guess, brother. Where you grew up? How it all began. Yeah, I just think it was... I just think it was... I really see, like, in all film that I look at now, what's my purpose and where I've come from. Kind of people know the story, but they obviously can't feel it because you're there. But it was always fractured. I always had memories of Freud and, you know, being in the care system from a really early age and going all around the reeking. But you know, that's small violin. The strings are worn out. It don't work anymore. It's really mad. Fucking glad. All that stuff. You know, I used to throw stones after my brother Melvin. Because we never really got on. But, you know, I had to realise the pain he went through because my mother... We were, like, three years apart from him, Melvin. So he was with me, Mum. While she was getting the fucking... You know what I mean? From all the lovers that like to fucking knock her about. You know, you'd be in the pub while she's scoring. Do you know what I mean? While she's waiting for him to come back. You know, and it's really weird because some weekends when I finally got to find out who she was and remember who my mother was, I remember there's a period from 16 to 18 knowing where she was which seemed like a town that was too far away. You know, she's in Warsaw and you're like in Wolverhampton. That's far. It's a bus ride. You know what I mean? It's like from here to... From Battersea to Wandsworth. Do you know what I mean? It's nothing. And you kind of realise that you'd go there and I'd go and find this Scottish woman. Oh, here's a little woman called Maggie. She lives on the top balcony in Chervil Rise. And you go and meet her and she's this small Scottish woman. Just... I wonder when you were going to come. Like it was nothing. Come on, let's have a cup of tea. And it's just this weird feeling you get. But you've come from being in a care home where every piece of clothing's got your name in it. Clifford Price. You know, when you're closed, you've got a pile of, and that's your clothes. That's your allot. So it's almost like post-borstall stuff. And then when you go home, you realise that your brother's nicking all your shit because he's younger than you. And he's Rastafarian and he's got a bird up the duff who's about to give birth. And you're like, what life is this? It's a different kind of fucking ghetto life. And you're coming to eat on the fence, like some really fucked up version of Kez. Like you're not black, you're not white. You're on the fence. You're seeing all of this mad stuff. Like you're buying a two pound draw from Pops down the road. And you're, you know, you're ticking out the seeds from the weed and you're, you know, you're looking at all these waste, so hustle and make a pound. No. And your idea of Rastafarian is that you don't eat animal fat, but yeah, you can pimp. You're not a family anyway, not giving Rastafarian a bad name. But you know, the idea of getting locked up and putting beeswax in your hair and becoming a raster and 23rd of July getting fucking stoned, listening to fucking dub music. You know, it was a really mad upbringing. And I wouldn't change a fucking thing about it. You know, and I think most, most versions of me are not far off what every fucker's gone through really when you think about it. I think one of the biggest dropouts of this pandemic is the amount of traumatic, you know, experience we're loading onto these new young people. And the adults that are supposed to be running the government aren't really giving a fuck. They really forgot that they were young. You know what I mean? And that's what I find really discouraging, that these people that are running, whether it's Labour or Conservative, it's better the devil, you know, whichever one we're looking at. But it just seems like the people that are running it is a bit of a feeble excuse of human beings. Dividing conquer, isn't it? Everybody's just drove with fear. It scares me how people are so easily manipulated by fear, but I guess that's the human body. We're all easily scared off from many different things in life. I think people are really scared for their life and you've just got to kind of push through it and keep swimming because a lot of people are sinking at the moment and it does scare me because it's just a fucking weird time to be alive, but again, we will push through it. But it is a thing, it is a thing though. Think about it in terms of the spirituality. On 55, I've had the great issues I put behind me. I'm in a return movement and the return movement is where you shrink a little bit, keep yourself fit, and you kind of get me sort of respect, but you are on your way out, respectively. But as soon as we're born, we start to die. It's just how you want to live. Yeah, there's a great album though. We remember the track, it was by a guy called Clute and he says, we are all dying. That's the title of the track from the very get go. And I think there's one of those mantras I always say, as an artist you are burning, you're beginning your burn. You are either at your hottest point or you're burning out. That's it, just fucking burn. But no matter which way you go about it, that's your job. But thinking about it from the bigger picture, which is my own belief system, is that you aren't here for a small moment. And it's such a small moment of time, which is something that we kind of made up, the experience of being here. I'm in an experience, it's that t-shirt. I am a spiritual being having a very human experience. And it stayed with me. It's a guy called Bob Frisnall, who was the original conspiracy theorist, which could put you down a rabbit hole if you smoke computers and mass weed. Don't look into it too deeply, however. It was a thing that I'd always loved the way that it was this idea of being a spiritual being, having a human experience. And the point I'm making is, imagine if you had social media in the 15th century when the bubonic plague was here, how the news would look. Bubonic plague and everyone is dying by the millions, the skin's falling off their faces. And it's like, guys, get a fucking grip. The thing that makes this worse isn't down to just conspiracy. It's down to we're fucking human beings and we're fucking stupid. And we just have a massive sense of entitlement. It's people's reactions. Entitlement. We have the sense that, no, no, we're bigger than this and we should all... It's like, guys, it was here before us. And you're thinking that little fucking time frame that this really strong COVID, extremely strong in the beginning, killing people in the beginning, wicking in itself like pandemics do, strain making all kinds of different variants, which you want to get 150 pounds on the way in because the government's rubbing their hands together and some come to the middle and they're taking a piss out of both parties because you're both stupid. The idea that the variant will... What happens to... This is what happens to viruses. They mutate and they go crazy at first because they want to live like, you know, when you get to make a film about alien and you're strangling alien and he breaks off and his arm creates another creature but we kill it in the end. The idea is, no, we can't fucking fly, guys, so you can watch all the superhero films you fucking like. Again, a sense of entitlement that we can do all of these things. The pandemic was here before. It's been here many, many times. So I don't want to hear it because if the government wanted to fucking kill you, believe me, they could sprinkle shit over you at night, you wouldn't even fucking know and you'd all be dead. They'd need too much money in the beginning because that's like the mafia. Why fucking burn a shop down when we can just make money on the way slowly? You know, those are the days of people lining up and marching into war are finished. So going back to your point at the beginning of the conversation, if you're a great, great fam grandfather, they made potatoes and you worked for him. No plagues, plagues, he's in between plagues. And you're picking potatoes and you've got a wife. That's all you do. And you die, he dies and you watch, you know, your family grow and then you die. And it's, but you just pick potatoes. It's a fucking great time to be alive right now. You're witnessing three or four decades all slamming into each other, computers, science, all men are flying with suits. Tried it badly. Man, I'd go into Mars. You know, people have kind of gone to Mars for 27 billion when you could have fed a lot of shit. I mean, I've got to say, I'm sorry, man, outright, you're complete cunt. If you can spend 27, one person going to space, you're a cunt. If I had 27 fucking mill and you're not spending on the on fucking the planet and people, sorry, you're a cunt. Or show me that you spent 27 million already with poverty in the world and world problems and you spent 27 going to Mars. You're a complete cunt. I don't want to hear it. But the idea for me is being in these times to witness this stuff. I've witnessed five different versions of myself in one lifespan. I'm all right because getting it right or to the best of my ability, I want to be the best version of myself to that I can possibly be. I've had people come on my feet and my feet's open on Instagram. Are you a complete cunt? Tell me something I don't know. You're not going to, and yours, I'm going to unfollow you. You unfollowing me, please, please do. I'm going to unfollow you now. You unfollowing me does not change my fucking life. It doesn't change the love for my child. It doesn't change the fact. In fact, I hope it fuels you with a vendetta to want to do good and want to go on and prove that guy wrong that I should be entitled and get to the very top. And I'm not here to be your personal fucking trainer in music. Tell me what you think of these 25 demos. No, tell me what you think of them because you made them. I'm not here to tell you what I think of your music. And I think it was a really great quote that I'd heard from Alex Turnbull's father about, you know, the idea that if you, if he's not good enough for you, that's all it's got to be good for. I don't give a fuck about anyone else. Yeah, that's the best way. And I just stopped giving a fuck. That's definitely a quote though because people say, I'll post something and people say, oh, that's it. I'm unsubscribing and I'm unfollowing, but I ain't a fucking airport. I could not give a fuck about your departure. But I do not care. I like that. I could not give a fuck about your departure. So see when you say there's five different versions of yourself, this leave, is that trying to figure out what one suit should take you away from your pain or one what suits you where you're at peace or what? How does that work? Yeah, the pain factor in the different versions, you know, I've been in addicts for 35, 40 years, or 35, well, 35 years. And you have to work on it like every day. You've got to work on it. I've got to fucking meditate. And I sometimes twice a day, whether it's TM, you know, yoga is becoming another physical meditation to keep you from distractions. You know, I'm out and I'm just dodging. You know, I'm fucking dodging and ducking and diving. And you always got to work on it. Excuse me. The idea that my pain is not anyone else's and the idea of what I've gone through traumatically. You know, doing, you know, EMDR treatment because you're trying to put, you know, I spent, I spent a big part of my life trying to put faces to the cock you were sucking when you were a kid, when you're like fucking seven. You know what I mean? Which is kind of some dark shit. And you're like, you know, you there's adults sort of empowering themselves. And I remember being taken by an adult by a fostered stepbrother, taken to a place and leave me with adults in a fucking weird shed. And you're like, that wasn't fucking right. But it took me a long time to work out, this isn't right. And then, you know, you're dealing with that stuff. And I think the EMDR, I'd have to go back to this shed and work out what wallpaper is in there and how to fucking dismantle it and take it apart. You know, and then you've got to look at the Hoffman process, which I think was, I think the Hoffman process was a very big point because the Hoffman doesn't kick in. My son, Danny, God bless him. Danny did the Hoffman in it. And I said to him, it's actually a year. You know, imagine being my first son and you didn't know I was his dad, which was a lot of pain. He had to deal with, out of all my kids, he had to deal with the fact that he was lied to that I wasn't his dad. You know, all of a sudden it's his character that's his fucking dad, that's larger than life. And he's found his own place now in his life and what he's doing. But the point is, you know, the Hoffman process was important because- What is the Hoffman process? Well, the Hoffman's like, it's a guy called Bob, a great name, Bob, Bob Hoffman who devised this whole kind of quadrant way of looking at you life, like, looking at the East and the West together. And it's all right when you, you know, sorry Eric Clapton, give him a fucking 18 grand back, you twats, because, you know, I went to fucking rehab in Antigua and all I've got is people trying to make me cross the road when I see a pub and whipping me for their sins. I get it. That works for some people. So just for the record, Eric, I still want my 18 grand back. It doesn't work for me. And when you get a guy berating you saying you're 30 seconds late for a fucking lesson, and sends you back to your room, I've already been in the establishment all my life to be an adult, then be an adult. Well, another guy's trying to tell me the same shit that I was dealing with 20 years prior. I'll get it. You've had a bad day, don't take your 20 second lateness out on me. But then when you do that, and you come to someone's room at rehab and barge into his space, which is supposed to be your space, I'm going to wind you out. There you go, and you're out. So I've got, you know, what happens next is I have to leave because you've got a little bit of fisticuffs and, you know, I end out one of the people. This is all to do with different ways. You know, for example, that way of rehab works for some people. But for me, the Hoffman's the only one that's ever worked. Because the model's got to change. There's got to be new ways of treating mental illness with these kids now, right? Post, you know, post COVID. These kids trapped in a fucking room. Doing what they've got to do and staying in. Mate, I would have stayed in in the 80s, you know, the 90s staying with the PlayStation at home, just smoking weed. Brilliant. I'd stay an all day long. And I haven't got to go to school. It depends on which way you look at it, right? I think social media plays a part. I think people, I think they think everybody's living their best life, that they're missing something. But there's nothing really fucking changed people. It's just people are looking at the world differently. That's why the mental health, the depression, rising, the drug abuse. I mean, everything's rising because people are, everything in their mind everything in here, it's you that's sending you fucking nuts. Yeah, you're sending the messages. Yeah, it's scary. Is that when your abuse started, Goldie, at seven years old? I think they, I think maybe it started way before that. It's been a little bit, a little bit of time before that, but I couldn't remember. It's only when you do the treatment, you start getting this stuff that you think, nah, I didn't. It wasn't, it wasn't. And it didn't happen. You look, you look at, when you start to break it down, I used to be really angry with males in traffic. Like I'll come out of yoga and I fucking get into road rage. I want to hide some, these are out in the traffic lights. You know, you get, you know, fucking like a club in the end, because you just like fucking start banging up or getting banged out and getting smacked up just because I was angry with fucking male characters. And then I think it's because when you're young, you were controlled by these adults that you couldn't control. So it just made me angry because I didn't know where they were. But you could become this other thing. You start driving through it. And I used to be really homophobic because of sexual abuse as a kid. But then you realize that, you know what I mean? Like we got into Tony's thing, right? One of the fucking most amazing human beings on the planet. And I've seen Tony at his fucking light, he's going to die tonight. His fuckers, it looks like he's going to die tonight. To being like, is he going to fucking die? And I mean, he's what he's survived and lost a lot of people. Got nice to be really homophobic. And he knows weird out of the Hoffman, I got placed in a room with a gay guy and I'm really homophobic because I had to work through that process because of abuse from males. So I fucking stay away from me. You know, so, so all of these Freudian experiences, you start to be broken down by it. I don't think the Hoffman's a really good model because of the way that it works through the process, because everyone's trying to unpack the box. But the problem with the box is that when you take things out of the box, how is the box made? I don't know what's in the fucking... I know what's in the box. It's fucking this and that. But I want to know how the box was made. It was constructed by, oh fuck, empathy for my mother. My dad was Jamaican. He's come and go to England. He's got loads of birds in any of his dick. He's happy. He's not a one man, he's not a one woman guy. He's going to be blazed when he's from an island. He's got a big dick, he's banging birds. See, when you're getting through that sort of abuse, when male being bastards and horrible cunts, does that also make you question your own sex? Is that because you're being forced upon something, you become confused of what the fuck is really going on? Yeah, I became really... I just became really angry. And I kind of, you know, it's all right me blaming, like for example, Saturn's Return is a documentary. It's very dark. But I think even that's an abuse of power, because I had lots of money. Lots of wealth, you know, richness of, you know, Ferraris, Bentley's, all on the driveway. Lots of cars. Five at one point, it was five cars on the driveway. And I always remember the idea of being young and you drop the football and it rolls onto someone's drive. And there was a scimitar, all dusty on someone's driveway, and the ball rolled underneath, all the curtains are closed. I'm looking up at the house thinking, it's a fucking beautiful day. I'd be driving that sports car. You know, wipe your nose and you get the ball. And you think, is there anyone who lives there? And I remember being off my tits, been on a fucking five day bender, and I look out the window and there's a kid, holding a ball into the driveway, looking at five cars, thinking, and I'm like, fuck it, close the window, paranoid. You know, I'm off my edits three in the afternoon. Thinking, what the fuck am I doing, man? I'm doing the same shit over and over again. And I kind of got sick of that. I just got sick of that pain. When I think moving to Thailand, the whole move to Thailand was kind of getting away from, after doing all the treatments. And EMDR was the last thing that I did in this country, out in Hertfordshire, which was quite mental. And then I went back to Thailand and then I started going into this whole deep yoga and rabbit hole of hiking. Man, I remember Fritz, my brother, he's like my older brother, we call him the Six Pistol. Him and Hurley are my best mates in England. Hurley's my boy. Unfortunately, they're Chelsea fans, which is a fucking problem for me. And Curly Early and Fritz, and they've always been around me since I've been in London. Fritz likes to go hiking, likes walking up fucking hills. What the fuck are you walking up a hill for? What the fuck are you walking up a hill for? And I was like, I could never get my head around it. And of course, it's only when I went to Thailand, I started really enjoying walking up a hill. And because, you know, you're in the middle of the fucking jungle and there's life and death. So, going back to your point about the pain, you start unpacking it all. And you're realising that that very thing which makes us is that what we're made up of you know what I mean? The idea of womanising, having all these women and all these other stuff because you never understood your mother. So you're trying to, and also marrying a fuck, I mean, I married a fucking stripper for fuck's sake. You know what I mean? Someone's going to be on the pole, never really commits a love and always abandon you. You married your mother. You know what I mean? It's this whole idea of when you finally get through working that out, you're working out at the right time. What is, did you get out the care homes? Well, I got out when I was 18. And that's what I'm saying. I went back to my mother's and I ran away at 17 and a half and went to my mother's place. Founder. And it was a bit upside down inside out that your brother's taking your clothes, you know, his girlfriend's pregnant and you were like, you're not supposed to get a girl pregnant until you're like 25. You know what I mean? It's really green. And again, I've witnessed the hood in this really mad perspective of a criminal observer. I think one of the most important things about where let's not dwell on that fact, I've spent the last the music has been, I guess this music and what I do is really the uncle under the stairs that no one wants to welcome to the party because he'll tell you the truth. We had the hype in the 90s and we created a world dominant fucking music. But isn't it strange that this music that was so dominant in the 90s is still the music that even programmers today, people that can program, can't program. They can't even imitate it because it's a bad imitation because this music is so powerful. You know, drum and bass music is that uncle under the stairs that no one wants to invite to the party because he's going to tell your kids the truth and he's going to get fucking drunk and telling the truth and then they're going to like it and the parents don't don't stay telling you to stay for. Don't talk to the kids about your fucking music. And that's the fact when you think about drum and bass music because isn't it funny, isn't it weird that if you think about the impact of the 60s to the demographic in the 90s you can be in the 90s, look at the 60s and there's a 30 year difference you can go to the Beatles and Sun Ra and all these bands that came out in the 60s all these cream all off their heads on fucking acid or to the Stones you can go whoa hippy fest we all went towards like brilliant and it's all kind of nostalgic you can be in the 90s and you can be at 2020 and it's 30 years difference the same disparity but I can go out tonight this weekend and apart from the nostalgic early drum and bass music I could still play drum and bass music tonight we're 25 years old what the fuck is this tune because it sounds the future because it's the only music that was made guys that was just purely the speed it was at at the time, DJ culture but in the actual essence of the music it's still the most forward-thinking music out there and it's still the thing that people have to turn to to kind of go you know I work out to D&B or fucking you know I love D&B and it's just got this thing where even on the overground if there is even still that thing overground, underground it's still the most misunderstood music it's a bit like Hieroglyphics from Pharaohs you can't be understood, only people that can read that stuff have to go to university to understand it but we can do bubble letters if you want, we'll make it easy for you we'll just create bubble letters so it's easily readable which on one hand can be gentrification but on the other hand can be a sense of us creating and giving you the music you say it's misunderstood, is that part of you in your music because did you ever feel misunderstood? isn't it weird that I gravitated when I was growing up to graffiti and drum and bass music the two most misunderstood art forms of our generation was that for your therapy? total therapy I couldn't think of a better thing you know I went through that whole thing of what do we see as success and what do you measure fame by what is it that stuff because the white van man wicked he wouldn't know what I do on a day to day basis if it killed him he wouldn't probably know he's that guy and he does that thing you know that stuff isn't it in a city life wicked 9 times out of 10 people on the street wouldn't have listened to Timeless yeah the 21 minute version of Timeless that in a city life comes from extracted from guaranteed but the therapy in the music I couldn't have wished for anything better it's like I remember Robbie Williams don't like name dropping but I'll give you Robbie because Robbie's put on a few pounds now he is living out somewhere God bless him I remember Robbie being off our heads we've seen Jackie Hamilton sit on the fucking door and I thought he can't deal with his fame and we'll take that and I'm sitting there going you're fucking dick, you're an absolute pleb and we went out and he just kept going he's fucking young, he's off his fucking head and he went to my flat in Dornie Tower and he's going to borrow a shirt because he's going to keep going and he borrows his fucking shirt and it's a beautiful Steve C Rayon shirt and we were at Nelly Hooper's fucking doing what we do having a laugh and all of a sudden there's a power cut or something happens we go and get this shirt because he's got no powers out we walk to Dornie Tower around the corner he gets a shirt because there's a power cut he just fucks off to the west end because what Robbie does behave yourself Robbie he ends up next morning on the front of the sun in a torn fucking shirt coming out of a club with some bird hanging out of and I'm just thinking fucking fame man that's the idea of what we think it is when you get there you realise he's just some little idiot behind a curtain you know I'm trying to turn all these fucking plates right because fame if that's fame I don't want it because I don't want to be able to not walk down the street that was my thing in the night I'm not giving a fuck but I also like the idea of let's forget Goldie for a second I could put my name down a list of all the people I've sat down with pine you know all these things I've done all the consciousness things I've done all the bad things I've done that guy's had a bit of an experience that kid, kid A if you like has had a bit of an experience but all throughout that mad therapy stuff that stuff that happened, the bad and the good it really made me who I am and I wouldn't change a fucking thing you know I really wouldn't it's a scary part it's an experience that gives you the knowledge to then try and kick on and make those changes that fame part of me craved that growing up because I used to see people on TV newspapers and I thought they look happy I want that life that will heal my pain then when you start progressing towards it you realise that the people I interviewed you realise how fucked up they really are because they were craving the same thing and then once they get it you realise because everybody's got an opinion social media everybody's got an opinion so people then get a self in a box and then they think fuck that, that's when they drink the drugs the sex to fulfil that loneliness that emptiness, see when you come out your children's homes and you're researching for your mum did you ever ask her the question like why, like the abandonment issues how much did that mentally fuck you up Goldie? Yeah I mean for anyone that's out there it's on YouTube, it's in HD and Saturn's Return, it's not an easy watch but again the abuse of power abuse of power in this life was having five cars on the driveway you know what I mean like why did I get, what is this this inherent black trait of I always say to Mrs quite funny I remember living, being going off piece I remember being in China and we're in Shanghai and she's like I'm going to leave you today to do your own stuff, I'm like yeah alright babe and I go to the mall and I take two Oswald Oswald Boltang suits to get copied and I'm looking through a swatch reference oh look at all these mad materials I can get my, I can get these suits made like cheap and they're going to look great and I'm going through these things, I want that one and that one and I come back like a week later and it's like fuck me, my wife comes with me and when the guy comes out with my fucking suit she's like what were you thinking I left you off for one week and you've got like what looks like a fucking table cloth NBA draft suit because I've got this, I'm looking at two inches by two inches I'm not looking at how the material looks when it's blown up and leave us to our own devices when you get a record deal, the point being is we just go fucking mad what about all the cars and the gold and the jewellery because I feel that I want to fill it and just go I've made it and then you think you're a fucking idiot because he's monopoly money it doesn't take your pain away and I'm there at five in the morning trying to find the last bit of gear in the fucking carpet trying to call every fucking dealer who sensibly has turned his phone off so I feel that I'm glad it's changed in a way because I think that half of the problem now is that with social media and all that stuff is that when you think about it we'd already be writing in the streets if we never had social media I think Instagram itself by its own default which is why people have got all happy about Higgsie and like it's fucking great, Cary it's really funny that's right, he fell in for the oldest trick I do something really serious you don't notice I talk about some kid wanting to get fucking art transplant no one gives a fuck put a moustache on me oh got ya and I think the idea that if we didn't have Instagram and social media we'd already be writing in the streets for freedom they've just gone there's a great pacifier for them Mark Zuckerberg thank you stop the kids writing that's all it is, it's a fucking pacifier and I've always said this I'll get to 200,000 and I'll turn it off and later I'll just go and people will go fucking old it's like boss levels completed it's done its thing because it's proved a point that I don't really what's more important is seeing chance my daughter gets set up in her life and seeing Coco her character starts growing with herself and seeing our relationship grow and how the family grows and believe me I think it's one of the things because there's never really been a full stop in my life because you said you asked the question and where I'm at now is by being in a place where I checked myself this morning and the first word I said was fuck damn it I didn't start off with a good mantra this morning because I stubbed my toe on the bed fuck and it's the first thing that comes out of my mouth I'm like you've really ruined your mantra day because I realised that I still have to go off and do my meditation and try and think what's going to come out of my mouth to be the most positive thing today and I'm really happy that I feel the happiest I've ever felt I really do feel that people go you're doing a lot of different things I'll be doing that whether you're noticing it or not because that's what I have to do you said something earlier about do you feel I feel like I have to occupy this space because when I was alone I can be dangerous alone if I'm doing nothing I can be fucking I get bored I can be dangerous which is you give me a bag of gear I'm going to fucking what do you want good to come out of this because nothing good is going to come out of this I've got a role in being able to be positive now obviously yoga's been a massive part painting and the gallery the Aoram Gallery in Thailand, me and my partner Gary he's a fucking demon he's a great guy a guy that pushes money where his mouth is Charlton Boy and even his son Frankie they're also investors in the screenplay I felt that everything that I've done has led to this moment if that makes any sense Sine Tempore is now signed to Regency Film six episodes I've got six hours to tell the greatest urban story stories I've got three stories they were intertwined in such a complex what I call bamboo tensile strength way I'm now at the age and the maturity where I'm going to fucking nail this because I've had to reverse engineer it all Timeless was always a screenplay in my head and I remember saying to Pete to Mr Tong years ago when he signed Timeless please give me another half a million quid and I'll go and make a 21 minute film for Timeless Goldie film, polygram music, two different things well now all of those companies are realising the bigger picture about 360 deals it's all the same stuff artists are not just about music they're about visuals as well but I'm really glad you never gave me the fucking money because I would never have completed something at boss level where I'm at now and the great thing about Sine Tempore is just take a step back for a second is it a biopic kind of are there lots of characters that play you yes, there are a lot of characters that I've been and have been around that is based on my brother that character is based on my mom and my step sister that character is based on you know Patrick Harding and that character is based on Patrick Mackenzie at Pimp who drove a 2.8 Capri and loads of characters are from my hood that also represent a period of time from the 80s to the 90s that are really important to me and if there was ever going to be a process for healing young people then I think this TV series would really be like oh my god that really helped me because you know I've had that example where people go that music changed my life even Sunday people go this is the soundtrack to my life so what if you can translate something that's just aural so something that's really visual that really helps people because I've been doing this for years where you've been doing masters degrees within the music and of course I've dealt with the criticism by people that aren't even at the quality level to critique it how can you be a music critic when you don't even understand that particular type of music I've met people in fucking Sainsbury's no disrespect to Sainsbury's they're putting stuff on the shelf going oh my god Goldie hey have you been and I'm like yeah in the back of my mind I'm like yeah fuck you you're the one that gave me that really bad review I remember that how are you too that's obviously not what I say to them I just say hello and house things and I hope things are working out for you well but I'm still fucking here and I think it's all sort of down to that or that other thing as well is that people think they can just gentrify this music we've been getting away with it for years that should know better because they come from this music and of course certain people disagree with me but can't say anything to me because they're not qualified enough but you don't get to critique this music because that's not fucking viable and I get it and I always feel to myself that when you get paid by people to talk about this music and do this stuff and you want to go and do some gentrified kitty bollocks then we'll cut the corner off that check because that check is not viable in my world so when we have our opinions on it shut the fuck up and get on with it because you're more happy about menstruating young ladies listening to your music and doing what you're doing I get that and no disrespect to young menstruating ladies all coming of age and young men finding their way but this music deserves we shouldn't have to change it I didn't hear a watered down version of Tamla Motown with skiing in the snow or any northern soul record or tears of a clown I heard tears of a clown I heard Marvin Gaye I didn't hear a gentrified version of Marvin Gaye to get me into fucking soul music I heard fucking Marvin Gaye and that's the thing that people feel that they get out of jail causes well, they get out of jail clauses well, you know it's getting people into the music isn't it, even though it's gentrified fuck off how did Tamla's come about how did a kid has been through all this shit that you went through to then be creating 1996 when you won at the mobiles how did that come about how did you use the pain how did you use that hot and fucking fear and all that to then create something special to then change the game drum and bass I think it changed the game of electronic music because at that time Diane had her own pain going on she was already in a soul band 52nd Street people forget that, Diane was in 52nd Street I'd always been a lover of English soul singers I'd love soul, I mean for me, SOS band are still the greatest soul band ever in America, the biggest influence and I think that's why British people gravitated towards SOS band I still think that loose ends were one of the greatest hanging on a string is still one of my all time favourite records and Karl Mackintosh who I've never met I think he's someone in Steps or S Club 7 or something like that you couldn't be further apart but Diane, I was in London and just that whole it all came about through Howie Bernstein God bless Howie I'm working in France now on an island somewhere eating cheese and ham I used to sit in on the sessions at Utopia Studios and Mayfair Studios watching Howie B, Moonlight 2 in the morning being there in the early hours of the morning mixing down a track from soul to soul while the other guys are resting and just sitting there watching a master at work and timeless came about just by this idea of already being underground and creating this album and I just feel like I wanted the music to grow up at that point and I was being influenced by Reinforced Records which is my camp and Mark and Diego who I love dearly and the opportunity came up to break out of Reinforce and go with and make Synthetic which was Angel EP Terminator EP to begin with and the Angel EP and those two EPs I really like the apps the Cement and before that there was a few releases on Reinforce which were great Dark Rider and Chris Biscuit but when I look back on those tunes and look back on that moment I stand by those compositions it was very difficult to come off the back of Terminator to make Angel that's probably the biggest job you're not going to make that canal jump when you're a kid you jump the cut and if you did that when you were young you've got to jump the cut you're a wanker you've got to run and I remember people not jumping the cut like falling in it's narrow a point the canal goes down it gets narrow and you've got to jump the cut and for me that was the jump because it was very difficult to come off a really big tune that was on the underground to do something like Angel and I love that record because Angel was putting some real voice to it I'd experimented with chemistry and all these other things and obviously Kemi was my muse at the time God rest her soul and it was an amazing time because like you said at the MOBOs it was up against George Michael Destiny Eternal and you're thinking this is an album it's like you know what I mean of course it's going to win Best Jungle Act because there's hardly any about three people let's get a token award for these people but it won Best Album and how was that feeling for you did that spiral you or did it make you proud or how did it affect you it made me very proud but I think you also got to understand that on that album there were already seven tracks that were already playing on the underground seven years prior it's the amalgamation of the work but I also think it was a price to pay because everyone wanted timeless too but they didn't get it they got mother I still think to this day Saturn's return of course it's never going to get its kudos until I'm long gone and so you know they celebrated in France last year go on Frenchies the art you know I feel that mother is a black opera it could be the most revered if some company came along and went I think he's got a point here this is black opera at his finest because they all pay the money to do all these other things but that there is a black opera it shows a kid's journey and he's lamenting for his mother you see the story of mother is that as an artist as a pure puritan not giving a fuck about what you've got to say about it because you've got your own shit to deal with when I was on that when my mother died and she was on the fucking slab it was a week to be able to go to America my brother who I fucking hate is because one of my brothers Melvin can't fucking abide him I have a certain empathy for him but can't abide the guy but I'm yogi'd out I give you peace my brother but I'm not going to sit down and eat a meal with you you know what he does we should all get together now it's a shell that's a ghost in a shell young man no but you know what I mean we should get together it's a shell and I'm going to America and my mother in the documentary about her and about what this very composition is about was she said played at my funeral mom it's an hour long everyone's going to fuck off and leave it's going to be really boring funeral I'll play it I'll come and see you we hugged it out at the end of the documentary and we're in bits and I'm crying and she's crying and I go to the chapel of rest you know I turn up I go there and I'm going to go into this place and I go in there and the guys I see my brother come out and I wait for him at a distance alright you've had your peace of mind alright I'll go in now and the guy's there and he's like oh Goldie I knew you were going to come I'm really sorry for your loss do you want a cup of tea oh fucking yes New Yorkshire tea bag yes cool great two and a half sugars just like my mum would make it and he says door number five and I'm walking down the hallway and I can just feel my screenplay all unravelling because part of it was inspired by these moments and I just slide the doors open and there she is box open little Scottish woman and it's just like a fucking white monkey with skin stretched over his face and I remember walking just just this moment of being in this vacuum walking towards her dead body and leaning over and just going and it was just the coldest like anyone that's kissed a dead body of one's mother or father or sibling it's like the coldest fucking marble it's nothing like it it's just too much and then that kind of made me realise that you know she's not there and from a really Freudian perspective which is I guess Hoffmanites would understand this one thing that human beings never do I'll challenge you Mr James English when was the last time you felt this bad boy when was the last time you felt this bad boy when was the last time you really felt your belly button folks all of the strands that are tied to the ship deck pull out the deck and they just start lashing around I should have done this I should have done this my mother and the anger comes out all of the emotions tied to your mother and they all go you've just got to hold them in here they're gonna lash around but have an understanding that connection to one's mother is the most important do you blame your mum for a lot of things Goldie I blame my mother for everything and I think that in total unfairness so how do you heal from that then so the point is that when I finished off which I never do making Saturn's return even though it was a good documentary I was still berating my mother I had all the money in the world I just wanted to get my mother and father in a room and tell them how badly they've done and performed as parents you know and I felt that was really fucked up because you dickhead you're a fucking knob for doing that really because in the end when the penny finally dropped it's like your mum just fell in love with a black guy she was kicked out of a family she was a fucking family of alcoholics her father beating her all the fucking time and she's seen a nigger that's what he said you're seeing a fucking nigger getting the fuck out and my dad was like man your mother I get an argument then we go out to play a son you know in the world code well you promised to the earth dad like I probably promised the earth off my tits as a fucking young bird when I was growing up do you know what I mean like we're gonna get married we're gonna look after you forever no we're not I'm married a stripper I'm gonna get divorced this couldn't cost me 250 grand so where else would it have gone the idea that I held her accountable is your fault that wasn't it was my me wanting to understand it even in my adult life showed what a dickhead I was because I just thought you could put your mum and dad in a room and just go tell me why you went wrong me asking the question is that moment there's one moment in that documentary where I just say to I go on the fly when we were filming to Mr. and Mrs. Newell and I asked the question in the room I bring the buzzer I'm like because I found out where she lived and I'm bringing every buzzing oh is that Clifford I wonder where you are we're gonna come literally just like that and the woman comes down the stairs lets us in I'm walking up the stairs and she says come up here we're up here and we go up with a film crew and I'm like do you mind I've got a film crew with me I don't mind you want a cup of tea I knew I'd see you and I go in there and I sit in the front room and she pulls out her fucking biscuits in this isn't scripted she pulls out her fucking biscuits in and when she comes up with the biscuits in and I went I just held my throat I went where did it all go wrong with Rita and I'm holding my throat I don't know what made me do it she went yeah you drove Rita mad she had an operation and I went oh and as she said it she had an operation on her throat cause she kept driving her mad and it was fucking nuts in me it was an adoptive fucking sister it was older than me and I had no control so she said to me you would you know and it's this moment that stays with me oh fuck it she said you don't remember whenever you were left alone in a room with a woman you'd scream at the top of your voice what? whenever you were left alone with a woman you'd freak out oh that makes sense I'm fucking this birds forcing me down on her she's a fucking big woman and I'm like if you ever fucking and it all started to come back to me if you tell anyone you're going back to the home and it becomes this whole kind of abuse where you think that's where our fucking went wrong you know what I mean it's where the whole idea of women and not being good enough and all that stuff was like fucking I was getting non-stop but it's all the fucking foster person it was adopted who had me bang to rice cause she's like you say anything to anyone you're going back and in the end I went back and broke her I just keep whispering to her like a little weed growing through concrete you know when you were a young kid and you were in the land of giants right how the fuck could you survive I didn't have a fucking I didn't have a David and Goliath sling I just had my art that's all I had all I had was I could draw and I'd use this fucking escape just drawing you know what I mean just drawing and music I fucking love music so see when your mum passed how did you deal with that, did you deal with it straight away was it like a closure or was there a lot of grief afterwards like months, years yeah there was a lot of grief because exactly see why I just finished that point I've just gone from that tangent all the way around to the abuse it's all linked it's all linked because I felt that I'm blaming you for all of that stuff and as much as mother my mum always said to me I tried to get you away from me so you wouldn't have to experience what I'd experienced yeah does she know how deep it went with you though no I couldn't tell her about the abuse even before she was dying I couldn't tell her what had been happening because she would have broke her art it would have killed her a lot of respects I can understand why my brother was so angry that he'd go through the same stuff but he saw the violence of my mother my brother's always been violent you know I could go into a pub with my brother and if someone's seen his ex-bird she can't be an ex-bird you know we'd go I'd go oh please mum not tonight and he'd go no no I'm gonna buy him a pint and I'd see him walk around the bar and he'd go I'm gonna buy you a pint I'm gonna fucking buy the guy a pint I'm gonna get the pint he'd just glass him I've seen the guy like a guy in about seven years he was in Wolverhampton doing a show and he just turned up my fucking brother glassed him in the face horrible the whole family was just fucking mad and you know my little brother Stewie I love Stewie because Stewie's always around mum's thigh at the back of mum's leg come on Stewie fucking coming out you know he'd always see all the shit but I love Stewie I mean because Stewie's I've always played a role of his father in a way as well but going back to the idea of the pain with mother I mean I think why it's important without rambling on too much for anyone that's gone through this making Sinae tempore because that's what it's called even in its very title people are going to go fuck's that man S-I-N-E tempore T-E-M-P-O-R-E apostrophe I don't even know what the apostrophe team means but yes I'm little flick on the top so I'm a little French team no it's not it's Latin without time because we're dealing with this box you know tempore-lobby's function is the main device I mean I was searching for it all my life I kind of think I suffer from it it's the idea of the inability to process episodic memory that's it all these events happened to me but when did they happen they're all shuffled my timeline is completely fucked but I remember these moments because they're linked to music they're linked to the smell you know what I mean and I think that's why graffiti I gravitated towards it because when I ended up in New York with graffiti I met these people that didn't care what I did I was accepted by them man and they felt like I was connected to them where I was like even in England I was getting I'd wear a donkey jacket at a youth club and they'd put GBH on and punk at the time and I was the kid that was going to get a kick in because it was all about let's just turn on the black kid I like black people now man we're letting them in the gang you know what I mean I like baseball caps and trainers you know what I mean every now and then it's the inception let's not go into that fucking department now but the idea of how it's if anyone's seen Death of England I highly recommend it a beautiful play by a mentor of mine Clint Dyer who's now working at the Royal Court about how it's infused racism is infused in his country you know imagine the idea of these French players going back to France because they never made it to the final and they didn't win it getting fucking whipped and awesome which is blaming loads of fucking young black players is that the thing is it no they weren't good enough but I'll celebrate the monkeys if they get us to the final but if they don't win off with their heads it's just typical it's typical debauchery entitlements just blame it on alcohol mate and all these fucking fans imagine if us went out to fucking Wembley and I put a flare in my mate's arse and see if loads of fucking gack and if I was black then fucking make a party of that wouldn't they and that's what I'm saying but nothing happens and I think it's down to this whole idea that England is made up of people like us don't forget that I like baseball cats and fucking trainers every now and then get the fuck out it's like this idea of what we're all part of something and I think that I've had to go away to Thailand to go and work out to be no one not to be recognised in the street is that to recharge? yeah I like that I live in a muslim village in the middle of fucking nowhere are you running away or running towards something I'm running towards something it's a different kind of light running away was going to America was doing all these other things that made me into this other person but the idea of being in a place it was really weird being back last week the first gig this weekend which is going to be for you guys maybe a couple of weeks ago in Bristol two gigs where you go into a gig where people are sitting down listening to drum and bass that's fucking SNM coming down with this shit a week earlier you've got football fans all standing up screaming and putting flares in each other's asses that's weird how we balance this thing out and I find it really frustrating because I'm thinking ok I'm getting paid to do this but just being around humans and I said to the missus I've just got to come back and scrub out I felt like people's energy is attaching to me so I've just got to be with me and you I said to you I need a day where I can just chill and just recalibrate but going to Thailand I wouldn't have been able to write the screenplay being in England but just being here and every fucker and his dog stopping you in the street or you know you get this great one this is the classic man this is fucking classic Goldie I'm really sorry to disturb you while you're here with your wife and you say hi listen I used to know you back in the day and I'm like I'm like fucking Dave Chappelle chicken monkey people what what the fuck are you saying to me and why are you coming to me when you know I'm sorry to say it's that same old fucking scenario that people say to you they come up to you and they go selfie yeah what's the magic fucking word oh please oh sorry sorry you can say sorry four fucking times but you can't say amen please fuck off don't ask me again unfollow me and you get also you get this thing going back to this point about being here where people go and go man you need to put this person on your on your bill and this person needs to be DJing and this person needs to be whoa whoa whoa do me a favor I don't care if you're in a fucking wheelchair in Illinois yeah I don't care if you're standing in fucking Texas telling me about man you shouldn't be working with Louis Vuitton and like you know like appropriation and he's talking about black guy who's working with Jay-Z when he's 17 and who are you you're someone from Texas get the fuck out of my page you know the idea of how people believe and what they think about what the workings are the inner workings I'm like remember one if you want a club and you want a career go and do it your fucking self don't come on my platform I've had people that I love come on my platform with long-winded fucking rabble if you've got a platform mmm put it on yours don't use my platform to come and fucking just you know shout from the asses about your shit people are always looking for shortcuts though fuck off how was that was it the girlfriend that's the team chemistry Kemi yeah Kemi's how did that was how were that tragic accident Kemi was tragic I mean it's one of those things that you know they went out to do a gig that they shouldn't have done somebody dropped out of course Kemi and Storm were up for any gig didn't matter we got this gig somebody dropped out let's go you know I mean it's typical it's typical and I bet even Storm was like let's go and I'm like oh you know and I think I think Storm has gone through a lot of wrong fucking you know I think she's gone through a lot of trauma and I think that witnessing her die in that car and the ambulance isn't coming I think that's I think the repercussions of that have already proven you know with what she's gone through I can't speak for her and uh you know Kemi's death I only take comfort in the fact that me and Kemi were so close even when we parted we were very amicable I said this fame she's going to get in the way and I'm going to be hanging out in the back of Bert and I know what's going to happen I think we should just be mates and we laugh about it but she always said Kemi always said there's something darker here trying to hold me down a lot she'd always say that there's something in this fucking room and this isn't one of your off your tips on a weekend Kemi's one of the most sensible and one of the most skeptic people I've ever met she'd say something sometimes she couldn't move she'd be in a room and she'd be held down and it was always something that was weird in our lives I'm like happened again she went yeah just came from here today and she always said you know what I'm fucking never going to get old she swore by that she was like fuck that wrinkly face and all these fucking bags take me now she'd always say that do you think she put that into existence I don't know I think she manifested it I really do did that affect you at Goldie? it did affect me because this the dark force shit was weird I did my first trips with Kemi I did my whole thing I did my whole thing with Kemi for her you know Kemi she was a very powerful song the versions of it are very powerful there's a thing called chemistry alpha which I just found I found it last year which is fucking weird and it's the original version of chemistry of which I made to then go away and write the song for it so it becomes a lot more softer around the edges once you write the song for it but it's raw as far playing it on Friday when were you at your height if you are drinking drugs? height of drinking drugs was gotta be 2,000 2,000 was the doubt imploding I'd have it on speed dial I'd have it on speed dial until it became like a control situation for me I'd have it in it would be the worst for me but I wasn't a bleacher I wasn't like a guy that could get up and keep going for 3 days like Brandon Block it wasn't ever my thing you know what I mean and I fucking ate Ibiza you know cause it was just like I couldn't deal with it going back to the island by being sober and being at the island where you know what I mean and I think it's even things like Sarky like Dassai 23 no sulfates understanding the science of alcohol drinking Sarky was a whole different thing than drinking vodka for me but I think with chemistry's death it was tragic there's always a thing where if I'm making something I'm like what would Kemi think you know and even this new project I mean the only partner I've ever accepted I mean I've had engineers but James James has got to be you know James Davison has got to be by far probably the greatest engineer I've ever worked with because he's a partner I never met anyone a partner you know even management would go even before management was separating it I'm like right this is my fucking ship this is what we're going to make here are the vocal guides of what we're going to sing I'll deal with the singer and you're going to start here here here and I'll draw it all out because of having control because my life was controlled by others the idea of me making music it's on my terms now you understand in a very Freudian way me making music to the ability and the way that I do it is because of control I'm not going to fucking let you think that you're writing this music but James is the only guy with subjective I mean everyone missed subjective one because we never had our names attached to it but subjective two ironically is going out with Pete Tong who signed timeless 20 fucking six years ago agent and Pete people forget that Pete was the greatest day in our man at London Records who signed this great music and he was also the only guy who sat in an office and listened for 21 minutes without pressing stop I get people like awkwardly you know on Friday you can see they're reaching for the drug dealer all you got to do is ask me I'll sell it to you because they're sitting there going and they get the roller decks but this is before my ball phones right they get the roller decks and they start turning it and then they sit back in the chair and they start leaning back and this is uncharted territory because you're talking about 21 minute piece of music and by 8 minutes they're fucking dying it's Friday night they just want to get their fucking dealer and they want to get the fuck out and then they lean over and it's like playing you know like a gun fight you're waiting for him to just twitch and he twitches and influence you like bam and I see he's over he switches it off and goes yeah well be in touch and I knew that the album was never going to get signed to them it was Pete Tong's office I walked in the office my dogs walked in massive everyone knows me for the night it was fucking massive it was a legend it was a fucking legend that dog it was like a band dog it was half pit half rock wide it was fucking insane this dog and he'd go everywhere and he walked in and he'd jump on the seat and he'd just stand and sit up like that he'd sit up and Pete's looking at the dog and I remember throwing the cassette on the table going you're going to sign that just threw the tape on and I remember Pete saying are you more scared of the dog or more scared of me and he puts the cassette in and he sat down and he listens to it for 21 minutes there me and the dog didn't move for 21 minutes and as soon as it finished he went away to our sign and part of it was in Pete's own language he already missed out on he already missed out on left field and he already missed out on jazzy he wasn't messing up on that and he's third time and I think what's ironic about going back to the point of James is that I've got a really I've got the crew around me now that I never had because as much as what I call I've been catching sand for years fucking it's getting quicker it's still going to get some I've always got sand in the hand the difference was that the holes I've been crucified with the other cunts I've got holes in my fucking hands and there's a big pile of sand on the floor there seems like a big waste and now I've kind of healed those holes does that make sense? so I feel that James, Gary, my partner in crime Leon's managing the gallery I've got James, I've got Johnny Miller who's running the label I've not got a dickhead of a fucking label manager in fucking Asia anymore I've got all of these great fucking things these reminders of like there are still some dickheads around you give people opportunities and they burn them and you think you can't burn opportunities like that, Sunshine it's the fucking year 2020 do you know what I mean? this is global international shit and James has been the only guy I mean we've done he's been coming to Thailand for the last six, seven years now six years comes seasonally, comes to Thailand and the first major thing is Journeyman as an album and Journeyman is a master's degree in drum and bass music because he's RootMath some people still don't understand that album because you're going to listen to it 20 years ago sounds normal now but it's RootMath and I've just got to this point in my life like I said the golden age where I'm like let's just do some nice bubble letters for them people comment me, yeah you're a cunt yes I am so the idea of Journeyman was being that and I think subjective we've just done a really beautiful album and you've got like Natalie Williams as a given, sort of mentored Natalie for a long time, Natalie Duncan Natalie Duncan, Natalie Williams Cleven Watkis, Frida Lady Blackbird Le Medusa which is one of my artists phase in Belgium, his wife in her own right she's a great vocal coach and a great artist so me and James have had such fun because James gone listen to this, check these beats out and I'm like fucking hell James where did you get this I went man I just fucking put it together while you were just sitting there just fucking give me an hour, I'll come back in a minute it's just a machine but the way that James thinks now it's probably the only guy that I've mentored in the modern age that really gets it and I think through the music going back to one of the most valid points about this I've become the Victor Meldrew a great big culture I do not want to listen to your fucking demos why because nine times out of ten I let the young guns my label manager and I let you know if you come to me and say this fucking tune is gonna fuck you up I prefer that when you send me a link to SoundCloud I'm like you know what I mean just give me a fucking block of ice and a fucking noose and a fucking four bar heater I'd rather you go do what we did fucking put it on a USB send it to me meet me in the street no where I'm gonna hang out and just go check this out mate and I get it's the new way but it's like when you just read the email you kinda know that I've tested this out just listening to these demos and I'm just going I'm never gonna get this fucking time back everybody's softing and too scared to take risk how did the acting career start off how did you end up in a James Bond film one of the best British gangster films of all time as well Snatch how did that come about well I've been an actor for 55 years now acting the whole fucking time he was just going going those boys I'd met briefly and Stevie who I fucking love to death and safe is back here now in the country and Stevie actually is the main lead in the TV series he's one of the main leads and since then it was I don't know it's just been a weird way I think James Bond happened because I was the popular guy at the time you know you look at people like I look at billboards with like young black grime artists I'm thinking I remember that when you were in New York doing Tommy Hilfiger you know because you're popular they're gonna call you up it's about how much money you're gonna get at the time you know what I mean just do it and I've seen that repeat itself you know like with young artists so I'm thinking yeah good on you you know what I mean go and get that whether it's Bogotar or Bogota or fucking diesel or whatever it might be you know you're seeing people with Nike and doing well and I just think it just kind of happened but I never really pursued it I had a really shitty acting agent called Lucy he was a fucking idiot like a real you know just again it was just like power trip you know what I mean and like you know we're gonna you know EastEnders was good but you're like I see it and you're only in there you're only in there for like fucking 13 weeks and people think you're in there for the rest of your life Stole James Bond fucking hell one of the biggest franchises ever does it make you feel proud to deal with everything you've accomplished and achieved so far in life nothing's gonna make me rest until Sinai Tempori on the day of principal photography when we begin and there you go action I've got nothing else in my rear view mirror right now I'm looking in this mirror and I'm looking left and right and believe me technology is great you can zoom in zoom out right and I never had that shit before I had to keep looking on my shoulder now I've got free fucking having I'm looking where I am I've got the yoga in this mirror of this screenplay hey going to the theater going to theater finding young black theater actors going to workshop these actors looking for young directors that are fucking shit young black white it doesn't matter what they are as long as they can fucking do it and I can see what they've done and I can take that risk by like you know when an artist comes to me and he goes shit this demo out I'm 16 bars in and I'm like oh wow where's he going with his tune and I know even though I can read where he's going he's making the right moves and he should change yes now and he's about to yeah you know we can read this shit it's when I hear these fucking things aren't good enough going to the point people get really offended like you're saying about greatest achievement the greatest achievement will be sine tempore and I've said this before you can put every canvas on a bonfire you can put every composition lighted up lighted up I'll lose you all just to do this because all of that is this you know it's like this is an ounce and a bit it's about an ounce and a half hand carved in wax and it's my wedding ring my wedding ring it looks nice and shiny beautiful but it's not the fucking ring that means anything it's the crucible of which it came from means everything when I fucking melted that gold in the crucible to fucking heat it up to see the silver dot across the surface like chaos and you hit that and it goes into the mold that is the arm so the last 55 years you'll be basically burning the gold to the end burning the gold understanding that you've got to use settling not just oxygen where does a gold teeth come from Miami I mean gold I learned from a guy called Orlando Plain who's the greatest forget everyone else was making gold teeth in Atlanta for a second we're talking Eddie from Syranam with all of his brothers and they all came to New York and Eddie went to the Coliseum and his brother went to Jacksonville and one went to Atlanta and Orlando went to Miami the five brothers all making gold and Eddie came up with this fucking idea for these early early early Jay-Z when he was 17 with the gold tooth Eddie before all these trendy fucks came out he's the original gold teeth guy in the United States of America he's the first guy the first hands down to go from Syranam Dutch New York and all the family spread out that's why gold teeth in Atlanta because his brother went down to fucking Jacksonville went down to Atlanta and the first wave if you like when I was in Miami my dad's in Carroll City Jamaican family a minister getting over his sins running rampant in England and I just used to go to the flea market Miami beach in the day trendy looking at Art Deco and all these gay guys that want to fucking pay you to do paintings and fucking all these rich wealthy fucking Hispanics that were on the beach they were crazy and then on the underground being like the flea markets working I just thought this was my place I was gravitated to the hood and I was in the flea markets 179th Street USA flea market number one which was only bulldozed two months ago and I learned the trade by I was doing Airbus T-shirts at the time and I get guys coming in dealers you're gonna give me a Polaroid this guy with a 190 I want a picture with me man holding an Uzi and we're like 100 grand on the hood and he just goes I want this is the Uzi you know what I mean just take a picture of the Uzi just so you can get the detail of the Uzi right and I'm just air brushing T-shirts or you would know it was Tinequist's birthday and I've got to do Tinequist's face you know you just do a representation of it and he was always late Orlando he was always doing some mag shit and he'd just come in the booth and I'd have to take prints for people you know you take the alginate you mix the alginate you sit them down you've got your gloves on you put the alginate in you take the print you stay still for a couple of minutes you take it out you put the fucking plaster inside it you knock all the air out of it you put the name, you take the deposit you just take about 80 books 100 books deposit and then they come back in two weeks and you come in you've sanded out the inside of it you put it on, it's fitting right not quite clipping in there yet you take it out again, look at any obstacles put it back on the mould you've got just make sure it's fitting right I mean this happened week in week out for years Is it sore? Is it sore? Is it sore again Tinequist? No, no, no, no, no he's gone there a while but I'll be your team and we just do this for years now it's to the point where he had to become a real dentist because he was totally against the law I mean he was like I mean this fucking cockroach is running around I'm dumping the water in the bucket and it's like it's a nightmare he had to go and do the real courses and all this other stuff but we did that and it's a real part of my life you know, I mean given the equipment I can wake up in the morning and make a beautiful gold ring it's an art form to itself it's the craft, if you like another craft of I guess it's also about changing form for me now imagination, creativity there's a great book it's called All Things Remembered and that's the second book the first book goes about how many birds you've banged and what their names are but the second book was really taking a step back this new person this Clifford that I know in Miami and that guy that was in Miami was a totally different person he was running droggers up and down up and down the country he was just mad shit was going on knowing that whole madness was fucking crazy, deranged stuff that was happening that was like fucking guns and all these you know, one of the main yardies was always coming for golds and diamond setters then why come on and fuck my messager and this guy was off his head all the fucking time bad man and I remember being on the phone on the bottom of 121st Terry's hearing shots down the road I was on the phone with my bird in England and the next thing you know I put the phone down and then Orlando turns up he's like, yo, fucking Jackson's been ironed out and we go down the block he's fucking heads all the interior of his car was just red the hardest guy I know just got ironed out you know what I mean so all of that stuff going back to the point I was in Thailand just writing this book but I'd be lying on a boat like a boat that I'd made in the base of the house talking to a fucking shrink because I'm just recording talking to myself and I'm creating the chapters and there's a great writer Ben who I'd given that he did both of John McEnroe's books Ben Thompson is a fucking great writer because he took all this information and he's gone, this is a really good way of doing it regardless of these mad chapters and because you don't have a full stop in your life and you're everywhere let's do it so that it punches up and down and it's like it's crazy the way that the book reads so I find what do I want to finish off what is my end game here the beautiful thing is that regardless of whether I want to or not I have no control over the power of the art and one of the only mantras I've got that I always saw you know when you see quotes on t-shirts of people it's mine and I feel proud of it a truthful idea lasts in the honesty of time that's it that's not my fucking gravestone a truthful idea lasts in the honesty of time because everything that I've done with all of this stuff leading up to this stuff is about the hard work you put into this you know I can imagine all these people going oh man when you listen to these demos and when you do this and it's like I get it I get all of that stuff but you've got to come through the pecking order and you've got to know how you've got to know that the record is good enough because I knew that when I cut this on the dub plate and I'm paying 50 quid I had no fucking food on a Friday night I would literally do without money I would spend my last 50 quid cutting Dark Rider knowing I'm going to go a little bit hungry tonight but you know what I can say I can nick well at Six Fish Fingers I'm alright I've done it before I'm alright I can steal food you know what I mean a big man stealing food you know but you're not going to notice because he wouldn't expect it so I've done all of that stuff you know Dornie Tower all the trendy shops I've got fucking clothes I mean if you can steal in the hood you can steal anywhere so I've gone through all of that stuff where you think this is where I want to be everything I've ever done even though it goes off on tangents leads to the fact that I want to make something that people can really enjoy and laugh at and it's not just going to be depressing it's going to be a really beautiful screenplay that in fact will help people dealing with what all of this trauma is about now because I see it and I think the effects of what COVID has done to people I've also made a lot of artists go inside themselves you know a real dear friend of mine has become very close in a short space of time he's Virgil Abla I mean this guy is just I thought I worked fucking hard this motherfucker is like he's like some kind of black spark he's just fucking he's constantly doing something that I'm thinking when did you even have the time to do that he's constantly working hard into art you know he just made this wonderful film called Amen Brother and the Amen Break which is paying homage to the Amen Break with Benji who did the music and of course I got involved with Benji B and him to make this probably one of the greatest fashion 16 minute films I've ever seen I mean I'm watching it today thinking you fucking clever boy I want to roll with people like that creative people because I remembered what happened when I started rolling with lesser gods so I just ended up wasting precious time of course I always say this but show me your friends and I'll show you your future I like that it's true right I mean I just I just feel that something important is coming you're already on it I can see the twinker in your eye you've got it you feel as if this is a master piece probably going back to your timeless album you feel something's you get that feeling now when people come up to you and they won't you know they don't feel it themselves they're not confident about it but your whole life all the fucking pain the darkness and misery to then I feel as if your head's coming through the clouds for the very first time even though you probably felt it five years ago ten years ago you weren't there you're feeling it now I can feel it I feel energies and presence and you're at a stage where you're coming through those that's whole life of fucking misery to then coming out and saying I'm not done it you've not completed it it's still a long way to go but you're feeling probably more at calm than you've ever felt your whole life how many kids have you got Goldie? five and who's the one that sent Prison for Mother? Jamie I spoke to Jamie yesterday you know there was a book called Sold You Dad which a dear friend told me about was about a father writing letters to his son Jamie bless him you know we laugh he's got another he's got another twelve obviously yeah he'll get out and might be in ten because I'm going to be 64 when he gets out and this is a kid that was involved with the wrong people losing Jamie and the mother let's not forget the two mothers that lost their son both sons let's not forget that blessing said their family Jamie's mom's never been the same and I'll speak to Jamie and I'll always say the time we should be having I can't rub it in but it's like catching a beautiful blue marlin you're in the sea and you've got this fucking fish on the end of a fucking big fishing rod and you're fucking pulling it in and you've got both feet on there fucking belt on and you're pulling out the water and you can see this beautiful colour just coming to the surface and you're pulling out the fucking line snaps and he just goes I had him in London I had him in Hertfordshire I had him right there in Hertfordshire I had him right there and he was looking after the Huskies two beautiful Huskies Barry and Dylan G the fucking Huskies have escaped what do you mean, Jamie's there he's gone he's gone and I've found him I've got a phone call from another friend saying listen mate we need to get your son out he's gone I said what do you mean he's gone he's out, he's some guy and the police are after him, he's on the run I'm like you've got six weeks to find him let's get him to Ireland and he just never got in touch I got back, had to sort all his shit out but losing him and it's like you can't take that time back but that's of the generation where postcode wars came in and I'm thinking postcode wars in Wolverhampton we said go to Whitmarine, it's a break dance or we'd have a little battle it's just fucking the game doesn't change but when you start taking out that school that school got ripped out of that estate and when those youth clubs changed when you stopped those youth clubs in the UK when you stopped the policing of youth clubs you just killed the community what the fuck did you expect what do you think was going to fucking happen when these angry young kids have got nothing to do and they just start shooting and start doing everything else and starting to fuck it and the drugs become harder and people start losing their shit and you're getting jacked it was driving around in fucking cars fucking steel plates in the car cause people doing dry buys and getting shot at it's like fuck off and it ain't Oakland either do you know what I mean but it's fucking bad, it got bad yeah that must be tough because you're getting down that road do you count yourself blessed and lucky that you're not doing a life sentence there's a time when I was in a rover and I had a shotgun there and I was gonna fucking iron out and I was waiting for him, plotted up and the gun jammed and it would have been, I was just getting dicked do you know what I mean I was just dicking his bird and it's just playing me with another guy and I'm like, I'm gonna fucking iron his fella out and it's just fucking jammed right in the fucking time come out of the car with the thing guys walking towards me, bam, click fucking out, just go and I'm thinking you fucking lunatic you fucking idiot, what a dickhead cause you've been stabbed a few times if you're not yeah, we're your accent here, it was a pickaxe and you know, it's stabbed but people are not people, you know, there's some really dear friends like the Manchester mob and Marlon and all those guys, beautiful people Marlon did well he was infamous in Manchester Marlon lovely boy now changed his life around, big man got a pub he sees people coming in all drowning their sorrows and I love Marlon you know, I based the character of this screenplay on Marlon, you know and he dies really early and I always remember my mate, he'd run and said to me, I've read these things and I said yeah, but you've got to change the name I said that ain't changing nothing and he didn't understand why Marlon the gangster dies the new Marlon lives that's what you have to understand you know, the whole idea of the catalyst you know, is every one of those people that are really infamous because Marlon was fucking mad blazing into a fucking nightclub fucking shooting people, fucking mad shooting dogs and fucking security fucking lunatic but a lot of people around him there's a lot of death in his family in his life I'm thinking, I think fucking bad, Jesus Christ you want to see his fucking life there's a lot of people, you know people go oh my god, go to your life, it's been so bad I've named you a thousand people whose life is ten times worse than mine's ever been when you shine light on something it's how much light do you want to carry on to shine for everyone else are you going to be prismatic are you going to realise before you send that demo is it really good mate do you not want to make it better because haven't you got enough examples of a great music to make it better when you, you know this bird came on my fucking feed this is a few months back going yeah man, I'll paint Batman and Robin I'll paint Batman and the Joker I want you to tell me what you think okay, got me here it's Batman and Robin how we know what they look like I'm going to be your therapist now okay, you know what I'm going to tell you because you carried on sending me messages you know what, it's Batman and Robin and there is a lot of Batman there's a lot of Batman and a lot of Joker pictures in the world and to be fair, these aren't good oh you're a complete cunt I always thought you were bad it's like, yes I don't care because you're asking me about Batman and Robin and Batman and the fucking Joker it's shite there's a lot better people doing better versions of it you know, so it's this thing, so everyone that's watching this please feel free to unfollow me because it's going to make your life easier and my life easier because the people that do follow me are real people I've got some amazing people whether it's Tina Baker, you know, a little paraplegic in a wheelchair that came to me at a festival, proper face the little girl as well, you might because you can't speak fucking straight believe me, she can text fucking alright she's brilliant, that's real people I love the fact that I've got people for more walks of life I've got amazing people amazing singers like Terry Walker and Natalie and they're amazing and they're on right and I gravitate to creatures that have got the same amount of baggage our baggage kind of is the same it's a bit heavy weight in this baggage, isn't it have you got a lot in version, yeah, it's something wild to get a hand luggage you know, and with kind of people that travel with a light bag because we never know you know, and I wouldn't be around people too much because I'm not going to be here for that long and isn't that a great analogy I'm not going to be here that long I've got 10 years before I'm shitting you know, 10 years, maybe 20 before I'm shitting in a bag and I've got 30 before I'm going to make no sense at all I'm going to be back like I'm a fucking child so spare me and one thing that we spoke about and I'm kind of going off on a tangent here is I would much rather be on my way out doing ayahuasca because if there was ever a mother of all drugs, she's not even a drug the mother, an ayahuasca is the medicine it is nature's way of creating something which is the portal to one's own fucking existence and all the people that throw stones from the glass house I don't give a fuck about you lot because you're the ones that would rather stick fucking lots of morphine in me while I'm dying and I don't care about you lot I care about the power of what ayahuasca has done something that I avoided like a fucking plague why? do you know what I mean? why? because of the fear because I've got control on cocaine haven't I but with ayahuasca you're like you're going to shit yourself and you're going to throw up and you're going to throw up skulls skull after skull after skull and when you get to that level you're going to go into this other level what the fuck and you look at yourself and you think I'm not the person I thought I was because in that place there is no right and wrong and I actually understand that more than ever now this isn't saying that you know there is evil and good there's just energy and it's shifting from one place to another what kind of energy do you want? is that how you've dealt with all your pain your trauma? do you feel as if it's all coming to a head? one of the biggest things for me was the Hoffman and ayahuasca I think ayahuasca should be should be prescription why do you think it's not but yeah it'll prescribe it's not because you know somebody posted something really good that you're about to make you want us to take an experimental drug i.e. vaccine that's not been tried and tested but years ago we were taking experimental drugs in clubs and you wanted to arrest us for it but now you want to take an experimental drug and knock on it to a club it's like hello ayahuasca is the mother it comes from nature everything is like when you see aloe vera packaged in a fucking plant it's a natural I mean Thailand just cut it off and use it it's part of the DNA it's sequentially the nearest thing for us that is right and pharmaceutical companies know that they do but they're scared and riddled in fear because that is the mother there's nothing more challenging than someone that wants to be effeminate and you know really find yourself and I know that you're going to be doing a big project around ayahuasca which I think is and I'm hoping that's something we can work out I have done a lot of drugs cocaine has been my drug believe me the fear of ayahuasca was running far more rampant than even a librarian because of the control factor believe me ayahuasca for me was the future have you been in the White House the White House no I've heard something man I thought that you got off playing to the president of the White House oh you mean okay the story we were about to go to the White House it was very weird that was very weird it was just a surreal moment there's been so many surreal moments in my life like ultra surreal yeah it was Val Kilner the actor he wanted to be around me when I was playing music and listen to what I played and there's a guy called Josh Evans who's one of my best friends Josh Evans is Robert Evans son and Robert Evans is the greatest Hollywood producer ever I mean this kid remembers when his fads hooker girl big tits Bikini is driving him in a trans-am from school comes up to the driveway she can't get it in the fucking garage underneath the house and he's sitting there in the school bag and she can't get it on the driveway she leaves it on the driveway Josh gets out of the car she gets a little Josh gets out they go in the car and the fucking car blows up now if that would have been inside the house thank god women can't drive because sorry the car blows up and it was an assassination I said it was the mafia so I'm rolling with his son who's a fucking weed fanatic so imagine me and him I'm on gear all fucking day long and he's on drug and weed it's like this is a really bad duet right and when I say to my ex manager Trenton where did it go wrong for me in America I asked George I see his manager just to babysit you for one day that I couldn't make it and what do you do George you let Goldie go fucking town on this guy the head of K-Rock and tell him to go fuck himself with Josh and I literally told him to go fuck themselves so the idea of going back to the point Val King was in LA and he's like look we're all going to New York we've been invited to the White House and Clinton and invited him and I'd fucking been on the rampage all night in LA and I'm like fuck I missed the plane and I get a phone call from Josh he's in Washington he's going yo man I'm calling you where are you because I'm at the White House and Bill Clinton's like 24 away from me so you should have been here man you missed the fucking plane I'm like yeah man but I'm hanging out at the back of some bitch I'm alright with it but it was weird because they were in the White House and it would have been it's just a surreal moment for me that they were trying to court me I just didn't care but then I think he'd come back to LA and there was a fascination a weird twisted fascination with Al killer that he had first someone met him he had like shout out Mao Mao room 1010 where Baluchki died he had a fixation of his place that was very dark energy in that room I'd got into that room and he's got candles lit everywhere and I'm thinking he's fucking going to try and bum me or something but Josh he's there and there's a few other guys there and I'm like someone's going to make a sacrificial fucking lamb next and it was weird because I'm sitting here and he's like oh man tell me about Timeless, you mean this thing you know you can just go like do people want to fucking have courtship with you and just tell him this shit right and he's fucking mad because he's got this idea about doing this film and all of a sudden the phone rings and he's fucking Ted Turner on the phone and he's like hold on a second Goldie speak to Ted and he's passed me the phone I'm listening to a mogul Ted Turner on the fucking phone I'm thinking this kid from Wolverhamps is doing alright today so all of these mad I mean this is just the mad stories there's a thousand of those mad stories whether it's Lucci Luciano's fucking mansion, James addiction, end of tour fucking midgets running around with fucking silver trays I mean I've done it all but have I all that stuff I think the rock and roll ended when the internet became connectable all the stuff I see now is a lot of fucking hype there's a lot of things that would not survive now that are surviving because of the internet and there's lots of good things that are thriving because of that but I do think that all of the mad stories all of the mad stuff that it's like fucking up this is the stuff of folk or some of this stuff we have to go now then brother through all the madness the trauma, the pain, the darkness I know you've got that sex part that's your kingdom I think the gallery we've got through covid the gallery any of you guys want to check out aurum it's aurum at art gallery so it's aurum art gallery it's a beautiful space look into the gallery oh my god this space because you know we've got sick of having small contemporary rates a little bit claustrophobic and there's some amazing artists in there you know I mean it's phenomenal all my artist friends from around the world you know at his vills mad sea Berlin Saturno bio myself amazing artists in this place and I think the gallery when we open back up is having guest artists to be there, I think this week we're dropping Voida's new work it was a prolific artist from Brighton called Voida amazing stuff and just this screenplay I just feel something magical I'm almost like I just don't want the world to end before I finish it in this weird way when you've gone this far believe me I'm not I've gone through the conspiracy thing I've only got a certain amount of time do you feel that? yeah I think there's a fascination with Virgo's Virgoians my fascination with time not having enough it's throughout my life even before timeless I was doing pictures of watches and I've got time on there with it got hair on the canvas thinking fucking hell she's really Freudian amazing with time I always lose watches Breitlings, I've lost fucking 5 of them Philip Shirols in fights just comes off your wrist some fucker out there has got my Philip Shirol some fucker out there has got my Breitling there's a lot of watches I've lost and it's just weird I find the fact I think what's next is A, I'm not going to go to space because it's too expensive because somebody's already done it and it cost him 27 billion how much was that trip? I mean it was a lot of money and I think that's probably one of the I think the biggest cons award goes to that that's a conchish thing to do I kind of get it I don't mind you know even Branson's skimming space a little bit but doing this I'm not going to go to space and also humans can't live in space because that's where negative energy comes from and we implode not self and our ancestors used to live there Mars is like a fucking it's an old fucking gaffer we used to live at it's gone it's an old fucking house party guys where's your reading gone? we used to go in habits and I always get that weird thing when people start talking about oh god here we go we are aliens what do you think we are? we are a manifestation of power energy in the universe that's manifested in itself in one consciousness we're heading towards the one and when I say that Bowie a dear friend of mine summed it up when he did the Blackston interview the Paxton interview that music and resonance it puts us into the one and the longer is the DJ superstar DJs fuck off the idea that the DJ is resonating with you and the sound and wave culture where do we come from? we are the manifestation of an infinite universe in infancy I believe that the universe firstly before you come to me you have to get your head around infinity and if you can't do that and the reason why a lot of humans struggle is because we are in a timeline of 0000 to whenever the fuck you're out of here beyond that peripheral vision either side of that is something called infinity the idea that there is no time if you can understand that just get your head around it for a fucking second because again, here comes your self-worth and every time you do it you're getting shorter and shorter the idea that you're entitled to think that you're going to ruin everything and that the science is going to make it a little bit longer so you can live longer yes, you will create science and make it live longer yes, we can create stuff and in the end, maybe we can live forever man, where's the soul? 21 gram the soul is a living entity which is maturing in the oneness of the universe maybe infinity's a child positive energy exploded that's negative, that's wrong that's not a bad trip that's not me having lots of gag anymore that's the negative energy so the idea of ayahuasca and everything opening you up and moving forward positive energy explodes, negative energy implodes, hello it doesn't take rocket science to understand it Adolf was a great guy but he's a bad cunt but he was still a great man in his way that he had this great vision and he did it just negative energy he did it with his energy might have been good in the beginning but it kind of went a little bit fucking shit faced and people got, oh well guys we are, England is the Germans we are an extension of the German family hello, don't start me off it's all about the energy what about anybody that's watching brother that's maybe going through a battle themselves, what advice would you give for them I think the advice for anyone that's going through mental illness right now what we do today creates tomorrow that's another quite great quote it's a yoga quote, your gangster I must give love to Kelly my sister in New York I fucking hate yoga if you say you hate yoga you hate union, this is what it means just get yourself up and say you know what let's just plan it tomorrow I'm going to go and do this okay well that's tomorrow and that's not here yet if you can just be spontaneous on one day you're just going to go what, I'm going I'm going to go to yoga I'm going to go and meditate in the field I'm going to go for a 10k walk be in the present just do it just do it once and then just do it twice I fucking hate walking up hills I fucking love it now I only did it a year ago I'm 55 you know it's never too late you're never too old you're never too late to just go the biggest killer in males in males over 40 are the most suicidal fucks you know why because males are too proud fuck it I'll just top myself as easier they're forgetting the amount of pain they're leaving behind do you know what I'm thinking about topping myself how can you help me this isn't like taking loads of pills when you're a kid and you go I've got my stomach pumped out cry for help you know what I mean you're going to fucking top yourself I never fucking knew who's going to do that well that's what topping yourself does if you're going to do it there's also something very brave in that bit selfish you cunts but so my advice to any people if you're feeling this way I know I don't want you to leave the planet brother that or sister and if you feel so fucked up about it just maybe we're not listening right tell me your pain and I think that when they see this stuff go to yoga EMDR treatment go to a place you've never been to before sit in a park alone with your hands crossed and just think about your life all bad and my advice to any younger person that's just older people that are really struggling with mental illness and the younger people mate if I had 44 I was 44 before I walked into a yoga studio and Paul Dobson who I love to this day love that boy you see Jamaican from Leicester bad man you see Paul just like listen got a yoga man I remember turning up at yoga in Clipstone street and I walked in there and everyone's looking at me man it's like I know what clock in me I'm like fucking I tried it one years before that and I walked out I'm sitting down I'm thinking fuck why is everyone fucking staring at me well you're fucking well known you come what more did you want and I'm sitting down and it's 20 minutes in and I fucking bake I'm like fuck all this I'm gone man I'm not gonna be fucking staying here fucking shit oh there's his ego bro blame it on everything else but himself came back a week later again same thing lasted 30 minutes this time and I always remember Paul third time Paul pulls me aside and he goes JJ do me a favor mate I know you got a lot going on I can see it it's like leave your ego at the door next time you come in here just leave it there leave your ego at the door you'll be better off fucking he said kind of got my head around it he didn't leave my ego at the door and I started listening to what you're saying I started staying in the lesson and I got to like 40 minutes 15 I got to an hour I think I fucking got this it's five or six years into yoga I was still using heavily and doing yoga fucking like what the fuck's going on Friday comes oh the reward's coming sat me sunday back to square one he's killing me he's fucking killing me trying to find the balance and then he just clicked so my advice to people I'm in hot yoga because I like clubs I started a nightclub I guess he's gravitated to it because of that also I guess doing other things like vinyasa is good like vinyasa like vinyasa every vinyasa because obviously it's not as organised regimental as the 26 and 2 but I think I need that kind of discipline I like the 26 and 2 because it's disciplined for me but my advice to anyone is do something you haven't done go beyond social media in the way that what it is it's a tool it's only a fucking thing and if these are people's real thoughts and social media as well the thought process of going out to do yoga or getting up to do something we spend a lot of time thinking and scrolling and I think you have to get yourself out of that mentality I like being in the field I didn't want to get up today but I fucking had to yeah I was supposed to be going to fucking hot yoga with you I was at six in the morning and then I spoke to you and said you know I think that's well we'll do it again but you see why I didn't bust your balls because part of that doubt was the fact that you didn't hear from me and what you've got to understand is part of the support for this it's like a different type of rehab I'm not going to babysit you I'll be there at 6.30 tomorrow and when you start getting the doubt it's not the doubt in my mind it's the doubt in your mind and I think part of this is if you ain't outside your house at 10% I'm gone and bringing myself to a place where I'm so happy to be you're not going to come out of yoga and go fucking that's the worst thing I've fucking done I feel like I should never have gone all we have to do as human beings turn up that's what I believe anyway and I've turned up today but I'll make up for it next week brother for coming on a day and telling your story we're not even scratched the surface of a lot of stuff but that's two hours of people will take a lot from this and a phenomenal achievement kid from overhampton to then obviously bring mega-films best albums, winning awards and your music's there for eternity like it's a phenomenal achievement and a phenomenal career and I know a lot of people looking to you as inspiration is where and the stuff that you're doing now to then making better changes faking your demons and really fucking facing them head on that's where people get their inspiration and genuinely grateful for you brother no doubt we'll do this again well let's get icing that's the one thing I'm missing is the old ice bath I know that you do that it's brilliant, stuff like that there is something that I'm getting involved in in a lake district it's a cold water swim I'll do it there's a place up there where you go and do this open water swims and stuff God bless you brother thank you check out more of my podcasts on the right and be sure to like share and comment your thoughts on this weeks podcast thank you