 So what's the shocking red flag most women miss in the dating process? Well, it's rather simple and yet you seem to overlook this over and over again and the reality is is most men are F'd up. That's right. Most men are F'd up. The dating pool for those of us over 40 those in our 40s 50s 60s and even 70s is riddled with broken human beings people that are wounded people that are jaded people are emotionally Constipated and certainly most men operate this way in the dating mating or Relating marketplace if you've been following my channel for a while, you know, I talk about the three different types of men There are the users the spenders and the growers the user spenders and growers. I even have a graph for it right here Okay, the users roughly about 20% of the population Please forgive the glare. These are the people that seek short-term gain the love bombers the players the gold diggers the entitled people Selfish people only caring about themselves the grower and builders on the other hand Those are the ones who seek long-term commitment. They're emotionally grown up with good relationship skills They have their act together and then the spenders those are the people that seeks occasional connection occasional companionship occasional sex no direction Uncertain fearful usually have a dysfunctional life. That's 60% of the population So I'm here to say the red flag is Ladies you have to be aware You have a greater chance of attracting someone who's emotionally constipated has weak emotional maturity weak relationship skills In fact, I venture to say roughly about 80% of the population is rather Dysfunctional in their emotional maturity and relationship skills and ladies I'm speaking to you just as much as I'm speaking about the men And so okay, I want you to think about this for a second ladies someone post this What do men always think about on a first date? What are they thinking about the three-letter word? Okay, starts with s ends with x. Okay, so you know this going in So I'm here to say you must know going in that you're most likely going to be Communicating with someone who has weak emotional maturity and weak relationship skills at best and a Significant percentage of the population has clinical issues That makes it very difficult for them to lean into a healthy happy relationship This is why dating is a vetting process to determine if someone is actually capable of a Significant relationship and yet we hyper focus on attraction. We hyper focus on chemistry There's this belief that if we have attraction for this person we have chemistry for this person that will naturally work out and Yet sadly, most of you don't pay attention to the more important things and that is shared values Lifestyles that are blendable and more importantly that emotional maturity Now you could actually meet someone Dion says it's socks and it's sex by the way You can meet someone who has great emotional maturity But your lives may not be able to blend together. That's a possibility You might see meet someone who has emotional maturity, but your values are completely different. Your ideologies are different So all of these factors are significantly important. I Think the real thing that most people miss the bus on and that is relationships are a container for Individual growth. I'm gonna repeat that relationships are a container for individual growth And what I mean to say is given that we have so many just functional human beings many women alike given that we have so many People that are hurt some have had severe PTSD in their childhood or in their adult life Makes it very difficult for them to lean in and yet a relationship is a container for actual deeper healing See we often go into relationship hoping that when you're with the right person everything will naturally fall into place That's the fantasy. That's the delusion That's the piece that all you need is an emotionally grown-up person that looks like Brad Pitt Or an emotionally grown-up person that looks like amber herd without the amber herd and I'm being tongue-in-cheek here That's the fantasy. We we glorify successful people We glorify celebrities as if they're somebody so worthy of having and yet given the fact that a lot of Celebrities are really messed up. I think it's rather clue that we should be focused on Something more important than attracting a perfect partner and what I mean to say is is Working on showing up as the perfect partner working on showing up as the best version of yourself Work start with healing your childhood wounds and traumas Heal those adult traumas that may have occurred in your past relationships. I Would say a significant percentage of women who come to me and coach are probably Still so wounded that they believe that a relationship will heal them And yet the truth of the matter is as I said earlier Relationships are a container for individual healing And not every relationship is meant to go the distance even a good relationship Even a really good relationship can have growing pains and through those growing pains one party might need to go out Alone and that's okay. Those couples who are conscious and aware do what's known as a conscious Uncoupling and I'm inviting this for you all to to be aware of because many of you have adopted This fantasy this belief in fact many of you are suffering from I need you to love me So I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself You see many women give their power away in relationship, and I'm here to encourage you to stop it Stop giving your power away to men because you're giving it away to a very broken population Now sadly most humans here in the United States Date from a transactional or conditional perspective. That's right. They date from a transactional or Conditional perspective in other words, it's conditional love. I Need you to be a certain way or I can't love you or Some of them are transactions oftentimes those transactions look like this men are the caretakers of the Financial end of the realm and the woman is the caretaker of the home a man pays the bills the woman pays for the home That's a transactional relationship now. It's an agreed upon transaction, but it's still transactional and And and to some degree these work out very well for people But I wonder given that we have such a significant divorce rate particularly for those of us in our 40s 50s 60s And even 70s given that the divorce rate for people that have had second or third Marriages roughly is at 60 to 70% Then what's the common denominator? For many of you women you have a broken picker Because you're picking from a pool of dysfunctional human beings So the red flag is fur is by the way I want you to think of the difference between a red flag and a deal breaker a deal breaker is an absolute no a Red flag merely means ask more questions. So I'm here to invite you all To recognize that the dating process is a process of asking deeper questions And yet today's dating process is more like is more like hooking up friends with benefits Situationships casual relationships. That's the majority of of encounters romantic encounters men and women experience These days in the dating mating or relating marketplace Those that act a serious relationship is actually a relationship where two people have the capacity to grow together as individuals as And I said earlier they might grow together only to find that they might need to grow apart to actually finish their healing journey Many of you know, I've written a book called what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work I wrote this book as a guide as an as self-love is like a vaccination to emotional chaos and the reality is is these days most humans are suffering in some way shape or form So in the area of I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable. I'm not likable So I invite you all to do a deep dive a deep journey Because when you've done this work, you are better prepared to attracting a partner who can actually fit into your life So really quickly if you're following me on the live chat, I'm actually going to open this up for questions So if you actually like to be on the hot seat with me tonight live on camera I've just posed a link for the to join Jonathan's hot seat if you're interested in asking me any question Or diving deeper into what we've talked about. I'm here to open this up for everyone to ask Questions at this point or you can write the word question then post the question thereafter Or you can purchase a super sticker super chat all the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in The name of my son Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there He's my son who passed away five years ago and his honor We donate to causes like the Hoffman process insight Institute and seeds of love, okay? So there's a link right there to join the hot seat. I'd love to see if we can get someone to join us I know you've been talking about the Barbie movie right now, which I happen to see this past weekend very interesting I'm gonna move my fan because it's getting a little hot here Just as a reminder to join Jonathan's hot seat click that button right there I'd really like to get some activity going Melanie. Just joined us. So hold on one second Just one second Okay Melanie is in the house All right, hold on one second There you go. Oops. Let's fix it. Thank you. Can you hear me? Yes Okay, what do you got for us? Well, I didn't realize what red flags were and what deal breakers would I didn't take them serious enough. I guess and Early on I thought I should stay in the relationship because In my marriage and a previous relationship. I think I didn't work hard enough. Okay. I wanted to be unconditional Okay, and it turned out to be a red flag that I just Ignored and it became a deal breaker and I just Want to have a good picker Okay, so all right. So by the way, you know my style, right? If you've been following me for a little while I'm heart-centered radical honesty. I'm direct a little tough love and a lot of heart. So Melanie I just want you know you barely said anything to me and what I mean to say is I Want you to think of a question you have of me You told me a story and women have a propensity of telling stories we men We're like like in the TV show drag net just the facts ma'am just the facts So I want you to think of a question to ask me right now That can actually benefit you And I'm gonna stop you every time you're gonna do the story But a person leave a relationship if it somehow is breaking the law By physically harming somebody Well, there's a rule. I remember dr. Pat Allen once said if you have to call a doctor an attorney or a policeman You have every right to exit the relationship. So what you just said someone Committing a crime of some sort, you know, I don't think I honestly know you know the answer to this question You know, you should leave a relationship Okay, you know that okay. Well, I didn't have it then the question becomes this Why would you stay? Why does anybody stay in an unhealthy relationship? Like that's really the question. I invite you to ask right now. Why would I stay and I'm assuming it's unhealthy I'm assuming it's there's red flags. It's not filling you up So most likely you're experiencing this fear of loss because it's almost better to have something shitty Than to have nothing at all But I can tell you and every woman will say this to you in the chat box You should never stay in a toxic relationship. You should never stay in an unhealthy relationship You know When I wrote my book what the heck yourself love anyway, and it's a very simplistic book the whole point is Humans here in the United States are suffering by giving our power away When you're in a relationship where you can't walk away. That means he has your power. I Think God universe spirit. I call it Gus invites you to retain your power Okay, I thought because look at sex isn't I mean I'm gonna assume there's some good sex going on or maybe there's not You know But even that's not worth it You can go train it in for a friend with benefits if you want but staying in an unhealthy relationship Particularly something that might be toxic is not a benefit to you. Is this sinking in is this resonating? I grew up with a mother like that Okay, and I ah so and what you're experiencing is known as the amago So what that means is it's time to heal back to the roots go back to the roots and heal that Okay, I bought your book. So no, well, thank you. Can you write a review on amazon too? Okay, melanie was this helpful It is it is Thank you. All right, so i'm gonna reach into the camera right now and give you a big gigantic jotham bear hug Back to you. Okay. Do I get one back? Yes. All right. Good Don't stay in a health unhealthy relationship All right, bye to your kitty. All right, rena is in the house. Let's just put renae on By the way, anyone else wants to join there's the link to be on the hot seat. What do you got for me? I've got a question Oh, good. Someone actually has a question So i'm the fourth girl In a line of nine children my three older sisters and I always played barbie. Can you speak up a little bit? Sure I'm the fourth girl in a line of four sisters But we had nine children in the family Me and my three older sisters always played the barbie game board and I don't know if y'all know But there's there was ken who was like the prize and then there was bob and tom And then the the run at least most the undesirable one was point extra Well, because I was the youngest of the four girls. I was always left with point extra so Ken that Make me attracted to point extras because that seems to be my history I mean, you know, they're cute kind of and they're kind of like nerdy or quirky or eccentric or So first off, I I'm gonna be candid with you renae. I hear a judgment around the point extra No, no because I married one and he was awesome But he died of cancer and I want another one But then you know that when you look on the dating sites, they're like they don't tell you they're weird They tell you they're great, you know, and I don't want to great I want another unusual one because they seem to be the the survival. Okay. So to me They they try, you know, so I'm gonna call a point extra a nerd Okay, is another word for a nerd and and my belief system. There are nerds that They tend to be engineer types. They tend to be scientist types. They tend to be accountant types They tend to be up here the big bang theory, right? Now that doesn't necessarily mean that these people can't be, you know, Not quite Not quite big bang, but they tend to be a little bit more intuitive about people Yeah, so so so Could this be the result of playing with dolls? Is that the question? No, we never had dolls that we had a Barbie game board. Well, that's what I meant. You know, I meant to playing a game You know, I I can tell you that in our formative years growing up We are influenced in a variety of different ways and sometimes it's macro and sometimes it's micro It literally be sometimes it can be simply one thing that triggers a person to have a personality type or to have a type So it's absolutely possible that that could be part of the reason. Here's the thing The real journey of life is about finding your joy finding your peace. Okay. It's not about the type of person you date It's about the character the quality of an individual Do they have good character? Are they kind? Are they generous? Are they givers? I don't care if they're poindexter or can't But I think what's most undercurrent of the underdog it's like I always pulling for the underdog, you know Well having well You know, well actually I always pull for the underdog. I'm always any movie I'm always rooting for the underdog because we all have an underdog inside of us And there's a part of us that wants to break free from the normality of the world So it's not a surprise you're feeling this way But to answer your question and I want to give a chance anyone else wants to join the hot seat. Here's the link right there Um is here's the thing Just answer yes or no. Are you happy? Yeah You look like a happy person Okay, you look like a happy person I had about um a little home that is about um 20 months ago And it's it's been a rough it's been a rough two years without him Um, I miss him terribly, but I I'm getting to a place where I can see Uh, you know, I'm I'm through the tunnel, you know, I'm kind of at a plateau I'm getting my bubbly self back more days than not I can actually talk about my experience without, you know You know, so I'm okay Um, but you know, I know I'm not gonna replace him, but I'm ready for the next I'm ready for the next all right, so we're gonna give you a prayer Okay, renee listen to me quickly Then we're gonna leave it to the next person to jump in so god universe spirit For everyone who's listening right now We want to invite in a juicy delicious healthy happy relationship Where you and another person have amazing chemistry with one another and the communication Bit between the two of you's off the charts in your sense of humor and your banter Can go on for hours and hours of the time and you have the capacity to blend lives with one another Because blending lives is an important component for those of us in midlife And that we share the same values with one another because that's critically important to build the deep roots of trust The deep roots of trust in a relationship that can only come when two people agree to fully commit to one another god universe spirit I invite that in for everyone who's listening right now and particularly renee And especially a good spiritual connection because that's there you go Priority was that helpful? Yes All right. I'll let you know Okay, giving you a big gigantic jot them bear hug Thanks renee All right. Who else wants to join the hot seeds? If you want to join the hot seat click the link below. This is your chance to uh To talk to me Let's see who we have. Let's see what other questions we have here Um pump pump pump pump pump pump pump Margaret wants to want to give her a props because she gave us some $7.99 super sticker McCoy hill wants to remind us. I'm an I'm a nerd or a geek only with plants animal substance I do have a bio degree way to go to being a nerd Let's keep going here Bump bump bump him posted a question earlier I recently left a Convert narc Does he realize that I'm a good person even though he accused me of the opposite all the time So kim does it matter whether or not he thinks you're a good person? Does that really matter what he thinks if this person wasn't the right person for you? Now the likelihood he probably is incapable of seeing beyond the surface if somebody is truly self-centric Okay, self-absorbed In their own bubble in their own world Then it's highly unlikely they can have the empathy or see past their own world But what really concerns me is why do you care what he thinks about you? That's giving him your power And I invite everyone to lean into their power because When you give your power away to a man Then you're in and you will always be unfulfilled in a relationship And I invite everyone to retain their power in relationship. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know All right, me. Me. Ashley is is nodding her head. So let's give her some some love here Hi, jonathan. Hi, everybody Hi I'm gonna give you just a little bit of back contents before asking the question Um, I became a widow by the way men like it the other way around All right, but I you'll see why jonathan I became a widow very early in my life. Um, I was 48 years old when I became a widow um Now I'm dating men and I had a tendency to look for men who are more successful because I had everything strict from me and I built myself back up to where I'm at and I have a young daughter who just confessed to me that in her therapy session She carried what I was showing her for men As one of her issues that she's trying to deal with she always wants to see out the perfect man So what I can do to try to help her You know not mimic what I've done okay So wait wait, so what's your action? What's your question? She mentioned to me that it affects her dating and how she feels. Okay, so what if I understand correctly What can you do To be a better role model to your daughter? Is that kind of okay? Okay, great question And I think are particularly are you talking about in the context of romantic love, correct? Yeah, I have an adult daughter. She's 34 years old. Okay, so she's an adult So, you know and and to the extent that she it's not uncommon That children absorb all of the experiences particularly in the home with respects to their parents It's kind of funny. My son and I were just having this conversation yesterday and In all fairness in my marriage for a good chunk of my marriage. I slept in a separate bedroom and And my son said and by the way, he was a child when he witnessed all this and he just he thought that was normal You know, he thought that was normal Even into his adulthood, you know, it wasn't until he was an adult that he was able to go You know when we had conversations about it That he realized that's not very normal, you know, especially because relationships. I've had since then we're in the same bed together. Okay, so This is a great opportunity to connect with your daughter to open up conversations And bond in a way that you can probably never bond is talking about intimate things This is a very vulnerable and intimate thing Now since you're aware that she has expressed this to her therapist You know, I would I would invite the conversation, you know What let's say your daughter is kim, you know kim Um, you know, you shared something with me that has me very curious Would you be open to having a conversation about this and allow me an opportunity to share Where I was at that point in my life By the way, I'm doing stream of consciousness So if you want to go rack and write this down go back to the 25 minute mark or earlier to this and rewind this and write this down So I'd like to invite a conversation between the two of you between the two of us. Are you open to doing that? Yeah, that gives her the opportunity then to say Do I even feel comfortable having this conversation? She may not feel comfortable having the conversation All you can do is open the door then from a heart centered space Speak your truth in a very kind loving way be open I'm a flawed human being your mother isn't perfect. You know, I have made some mistake I don't like the word mistakes, but I've made choices in my life that weren't my favorite Okay, particularly in the area of men And I'd be happy to discuss any of this with you My hope is I do a much better job. Are you by the way miss me. Ashley. Are you actively Seeking a relationship at this point in your life. Actually, I'm dating right now, but I have a 10 Okay, you're dating so, you know, you can you can simply say I'm hoping I can make better choices I hope I have a better picker now than I have in the past and I still might make You know errors in judgment. That's what's called being a human being But that's how I invite the conversation. How does that resonate with you? um I think you understand a little bit of what the question was the question was is I only seek out successful men because I came from nothing and built myself up So my daughter has a hard time seeking out men who are not at her level or above her level Oh, I misunderstood that. Okay. It's just a little hard to hear. So please forgive me so Well, first off, uh, hypergamy is a very common thing women in particular Oftentimes seek men of greater resources. That's a very biological thing going back to cave man days The person with the biggest cave got most of the women. That's a very biological kind of thing That's known as hypergamy. So what she's experiencing what you experience is very common Okay, now does that so logically speaking, you know, the reality is this 80% of americans here in the united states make less than $100,000 a year 80% men and women alike. Okay number one number two Roughly 80 and 90 of americans have less than three months savings in the bank to cover a rainy day Okay, the other thing is here in the united states. It takes two if not three incomes to actually support You know a family unit it takes almost two if not three incomes to support a family unit So that's the reality. So rather than so the invitation now is rather than looking for someone more successful Maybe the approach should be two incomes are better than one Because what's more important? I believe is the quality of their character. Are they kind? Are they compassionate? Are they givers? Are they listeners? Do they have emotional maturity? Do they have good relationship skills people as I said earlier in this broadcast? There is this fantasy that someone of higher Financial status is a better partner to be in and yes from a transactional perspective. They are Temporarily better partners and I use the word temporarily oftentimes men with money Discard people later on down the road because they're focused on the Transaction of the relationship and when a woman isn't is physically fit or isn't as attentive in the bedroom What do these men do they go off and find? Extracurricular activities and then the woman ends the relationship because that's breaking the covenant of trust So this is where you actually have to lean in from a logical perspective and say What's the definition of insanity if I keep dating these men that aren't good for me? Then at some point you have to look in the mirror and say what am I going to do to change? Well, the men are good and income is good The problem is is I keep seeking out and my daughter keeps seeking out men that are at our level of income and success I mean And that's what's really hard. So well, but you're saying they have to be at our level Okay, so let's say for argument's sake. You made a hundred grand a year if a man made $99,000 a year Fuck him. He's out the door Okay, it is 95,000. Fuck him. He's out the door No, we're talking about less income. She keeps running to men who make half of what she makes and she's very well And by the way, how old is your daughter? She's 34 34, okay Well, men are still in their growing phases someone 34 who might make half could quadruple that at some point in time as well You know, here's the thing This really is the ego Driving the bus that's not love driving the bus. That's ego driving the bus And so to heal that part of you ego, I invite her to read the book you as well Read the book the untethered soul by michael singer This is a great book to heal those places within us where our ego does a lot more of the talking instead of our heart That's my invitation for your daughter. Anyway, and you as well Did this help? And by the way, I apologize. I couldn't hear everything. So things got lost in translation That's okay, jonathan. I was just wasn't sure because I was trying to mimic good relationships And I thought I was showing her how to make good judgment calls with her career her love and everything else But she wanted to mimic what I have. So by the way, there's no there's nothing. There is no good or bad. Okay You doing the best you can as a mother you're doing the best you can you fucked her up She's gonna have childhood wounds. Your mom fucked you up. That's all part of this process The individual journey the introspective journey is the real journey in life Is how can I find my inner peace? Because if our choices don't lead to some level of Content or peace then it requires looking at saying how is my patterns? How are my belief systems causing me? To make poor choices in our life. And so we go backwards just like steve job said connect the dots backwards It always stems from our childhood wounds and traumas and then eventually our adult traumas that That paralyze us as human beings And so we have to go backward to go forward. Yeah, does that make sense? Yeah, I'm trying to stop the chain, but make sense jonathan. Thank you for your work Can I give you a big gigantic job at the mirror hug? Absolutely back at okay. All right. Thanks so much, ashley all right, if you want to join the hot seat simply hit the uh, the Link right there to join jonathan's hot seats. By the way, do you like this way this format? Do you like this if you do and you have something to share? By the way, give me a question where I can give you some tough love I really want one of those. Oh my god. What am I thinking? What am I doing kind of questions right now? So I can give you a bit of jonathan tough love and everyone else is going to appreciate it as well But we're going to do it with love. Okay Heart centered radical honesty direct tough love and a lot of heart. All right, let's see if we have any questions in the in the house If you have a question write the word question then post the question there after Or you can purchase a super sticker super chat. I see you guys are having a conversation Come on folks. We're going to run out short. Okay feline has a question. Please write it down Joy says I can't be on camera because I have no makeup. Who cares if you don't have makeup. I don't have any makeup on So come on join the camera. Sharon says turn off your camera You can do that too. Rachel has a question in the house I have a friend been known known for eight years been wanting to hook up. You think it can run ruin our friendship You know did anyone see the Seinfeld episode where Elaine and jerry Have this great friendship, but they slept together They were concerned about affecting the relationship. I think when two grown-up people Choose to explore the physical aspect of the relationship. Sure. It has a chance of Of of hurting it but at the same time You know I understand that physical desire to connect with someone where we have a heart-centered connection. I understand that I'm not here to judge the choice do it if it feels right for you Could it ruin it? Yes. Could it bring you closer together? That's a possibility as well Okay, you have to do what's right for you. Okay Janet boo says where can I meet over 40s men? All right, let's decide where they hang out And see most men over 40 hang out at strip clubs. They hang out at bars. I'm being tongue-in-cheek here They hang out at home depot. They hang out at the golf course They um, or else do they hang out the bowling alley? The question is It's not about the age. It's about what do you really seek in your life? Are you seeking a heart-centered connection with someone where you can explore the depths of deeper intimacy? Where do those people hang out? They hang out at personal development workshops trainings Um, whether it's abraham hicks, whether it's matt kahn, whether it's joy kingsboro just to name a few whether it's um, whether it's um brunet brown As an example by the way, I used to go to dr. Pat allen's workshops Here in los angeles on monday nights. It was usually an auditory with 100 people I would say 60 60 percent were women and 40 percent with men Men do hang out at personal development workshops trainings yoga studios. They're all over the place That's my invitation for you. Where do I hang out? I hang out at home I don't go out much as I don't go out much as a single man Um, certainly, but I don't go hang out anywhere The reality is is this is one of the reasons why online dating has become so popular It's because people don't go at our age people don't go out. We don't go hang out I might grab a drink with some friends next week That's a possibility, but i'm not sitting but i'm not on the prowl looking for anyone So just remember um, but I do go to personal development workshops trainings that sort of thing to answer your question mel So thank you so much. By the way, if you want to get on the hot seat Here's the link to join the hot seat. Okay And it's the love seat not the hot seat. Maybe I should change at the love seat. All right. Let's keep going Karen has a question How do I get my husband to tell the truth when he knows? I when he knows, I know he's lying You know, if someone is a habitual liar It's it's rare that you can do anything to get him to change. It's a very rare thing I guess the question is what is he lying about? You know, it used to be in my marriage I'd go off and play golf And I told my wife I was working when I'd actually go play golf now in my business It was part of my profession to do that But since she was a bean counter, she didn't think golf was appropriate Even though I brought in hundreds of thousands of dollars to the family and golf was a great way to network So what did I do? I fudged I lied Because it's easier to get forgiveness than permission. I'm not saying it's right But this was the little game we played with each other and I'm not suggesting that you do play a game with them But here's the bottom line. It's rare that you're going to do anything to change his behavior You either accept it you make requests for you make requests for changes But ultimately if he's a habitual liar, then you have to ask yourself. Is this the relationship? I want to maintain for the balance of my life. Okay All right. Thanks so much Karen for that question. We've got rachel in the house Hi Hey there Hi Okay, give me one of those good juices. I can smack you upside your head kind of questions Um All right, slide me upside the head Okay, talk directly in the camera so I can hear you. Okay. I've been talking to a guy for nearly a year And um, he ghosted me after Let's see about four months of talking Okay During that during the separation and not communicating I guess maybe he has some enlightenment or whatever um but He contacted me again and and we you know started communicating again together Okay, I've seen each other a few times, but he he works a lot And uh, he travels for work as well And my question is is it Is it true that a guy can have such a high pressure job that he doesn't really communicate when right So if I understand the question correctly can a person man Who has a high pressure job? Have the capacity to communicate Yeah Okay, now let's talk about what does the word communicate mean? Are we talking about communicating your emotions and your feelings? Are we talking about making dinner reservations because they're two different types of communication? um Communication of like emotions and feelings Okay So first off every human being has the capacity now the more pressure the person is the more person is under stress They are oftentimes in their own world and then they're they are in their own bubble in those particular cases So when someone is in that bubble where their focus is their professional life Oftentimes they're distracted and they're not able to tap into a heart-centered connection for them So this begs the question was your relationship built On deeper intimacy, and I don't mean surface intimacy like this. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. That's the surface level intimacy I'm talking about mutually talking to each other In quiet times about how you feel with one another how if are you grateful towards one another? Do you appreciate one another? Three for the most important ingredients in the relationships include attention affection appreciation and acceptance attention being present okay affection touching each other Appreciation the words of gratitude that this person is our life and also Accepting a person because the reality is is we human beings come to the table rather flawed that we are not perfect So in this particular case accepting so answering your question Is it is it possible absolutely however when somebody is more In their bubble of work or they're in a in a pressure cooker It's much harder for them to share their feelings And they usually have to blow up the pressure cooker blows up And then they vomit their feelings oftentimes in a very unhealthy way Sometimes in a very toxic way. That's a possibility as well. Does that help out rachel? Yeah, it does Okay, well, thank you. You couldn't give me one of those smack you upside your head kind of questions I really want one of those But thank you for yours. Can I give you a big gigantic shot at the bear hug? Yep All right, be well. Thanks All right, let's see Let's keep going star shine writes Why is there so much infidelity with couples? Because most human beings don't know how to build true emotional intimacy and true friendship This is why I continually recommend the book Emotional intimacy by robert masters. I highly recommend this book This book is an opportunity to build deeper intimacy with someone When we talk about intimacy, we're not talking about physical intimacy. We're talking about heart And when couples haven't built a foundation of deep trust in the relationship Okay, you might and trust isn't just about fidelity trust is Do you have my best interest at heart? That is the truest meaning of trust It's not about fidelity. So why does it happen? Because couples haven't built the deep roots of trust the deep roots of intimacy This is very common because most relationships are very transactional or Conditional they're not spiritual heart centered relationships. And that is why star shine. So thank you for that question Uh, let's keep going here if you want to be on the hot seat or you should call it the love seat Let's call it the love seat instead Um, click that link. I'd love to get a conversation going with you. VR has a question I'm going in with my eyes wide open to a trist with a married man now it continues from long distance I like our talks and I know it won't go anywhere. Should I continue? That's tough question Let me smack you upside the head. You know, here's the thing I want you to put yourself in the wife's shoes You know think i'm going to be tough here for a moment It's a really fucked up shitty thing to do to the wife Because right now the two of you only care about yourselves. You don't care about her well-being And if he has children, what about the well-being of the children if you are knowingly going into Situation with a married person and if there is children involved and there's a spouse involved That's a really fucked up thing to do You know, so shame on you and I know we can play it off as ha ha You know, but it is a fuck thing to do because guess what karma has a way Of smacking us back upside the head believe me vr Karma will bite you in the butt if you knowingly go in because you're actually the collateral damage By the way, he's going to go cheat whether he you know, you know But do you want to be the cause of this woman's pain at some point? If you do then what does that say about your character if you don't care about her What does that say about your character? What does it say about his character? You know, it won't go anywhere Okay And you can get he can give you a hundred reasons why he's not having sex with his wife He can make it all out that she's a bad human being. She's terrible. She's ruthless. She's growing kinder And I just made a little bit of affection from somebody But it's still a fuck thing to do knowingly if you unknowingly went into it It's one thing but if you knowingly By the way, does anyone agree with me? Is it a shitty thing to do to sleep with a man? You know who's married. Is it a shitty thing to do to his wife? Just my two cents on that All right, if you want to be on the love seat If you want to be on the love seat with jonathan, here's the link Okay, uh ellen I really fell off and now i'm going to break it off too many red flags You taught me is communicating really necessary You know these days people and relationships via text message So you can just say I've reached a point where this relationship doesn't serve my purpose anymore And i'm going to move on and I wish you all the best on your journey um Hey brian Come on. We need a guy in the hot seat on the love seat. Come on. Click that link join the hot seat join the love seat Okay All right Jano says I just got your book curious if that is you in it actually That is a picture of me on the back. That is a picture of me at my ex-girlfriend's house when the My dear friend sherry Maria's met her. We've broken bread with her. So that was at her house. So yes, that is me feline is in the house question After reconnecting with a friend from 1996 he says he's falling in love with me again And then his recent ex reconnected to now he calls to say he's in counseling with her you know you know I don't want to say love is a fickle thing But human pair bonding is a very fickle thing Okay, and I know it sucks for you because you've reconnected with someone who you believe you have this Connection with he said he was falling in love with you and then his recent ex reconnected Well, that means that there is an unfinished business. He has with that ex Whether it's a reason a season or a lifetime what matters most is what are you going to do about this for yourself? Do you want to maintain a relationship with this person if you do what's the definition of insanity everybody? Doing something and doing it again and again and again expecting different results. It didn't work the first time with them Oh, well, you weren't you said reconnected with a friend But if he's in counseling, you know what wish him best wish him love Take the high road and put yourself out there to be seen by single eligible people all right By the way, if you want to join the hot seat Click the link below Click the link below. All right Question our dating apps the way people meet by the way roughly I want to say 50 plus percent of singles are meeting through dating apps. So yes, that is the way Most people are meeting the older we are. We're not surrounded by single eligible people So that happens to be the primary way people meet so that answer your question. Yes, that is true Uh, melanie says thank you. I need a big brother. You're very welcome Let's see joy says i'm just going to be a crazy cat lady That's not very attractive Having one cat is too is fine in my opinion, but having dozens and dozens that just feels weird to me But anyone who does that more power to them All right, let's keep going here lots of cat ladies here Star shine wants to tell us that dating sites are full of narcissists and sociopaths and catfishers It's their playground to hunt for empathetic people or codependence. First off ladies. I've been on dating sites I've spent plenty of time. I've met some of the most amazing women on dating sites So if i'm on there, it is not all of those people. Are there a lot of Narcissists sociopaths dysfunctional people. Yes, are there women like amber herd or they're entitled women or they're gold diggers Yes, your job is to learn how to weed out The chafe from the what is it the wheat from the chafe so to speak Elizabeth wants to thank me for my new format. How about you jumping on Elizabeth? Use that link to join the hot seat Sunshine 2023 says how do you know if the love bomber is infatuated or limerence or the person is a narcissist He is mirroring everything I said and was talking marriage proposal in two months Whether he's a narcissist or not you have to ask yourself Is he feeling if if i'm attracted to the love bombing what is missing inside of me that is actually Finding this attractive if you find the love bombing attractive that means there's something missing within you Most likely because most women that are in a good solid place in their life that experience overt and exaggerated love bombing reject those men so if you find yourself attracted to this person Because it doesn't matter what he's doing what matters most is what are you doing about it? What are you doing about it? That's what matters most in this conversation or at least that's my invitation for you anyway. Okay We have deanna deon I've been abstaining for over 15 years. My ex reached out to me from prison three years ago And we decided to resume our relationship. He may get out early released next year and wants to have sex okay If you feel like he's been rehabilitated then you know, um, I I have no judgment around that I have no advice around that if you feel like that's the right thing for you to do then your your your spirit wants to Uh go on this journey with this person and you're going to see where it takes you So I hope uh the best for you All right, let's keep going here Mel is in the house by the way if you have a question you want to be on the hot seat Click that link below Uh, what's your opinion on dating a former spouse? You know, there's a reason why the two of you ended before I'd engage in any type of Resurrection in this relationship Uh, I would want to address what caused the ending of the relationship And what has changed that allows you to explore something new That's my opinion on that what has changed to allow something to explore something new Okay, what was the reason for the ending and what changed? Okay If you have a question want to be on the hot seat come on don't be bashful. This has been fun Flowers is in the house Why do women and men want their romantic partner spouse to tell them the truth and then get angry at the truth? You know the word truth is a subjective thing Our truth is our feelings. Okay, that's our truth. It's not the truth. It's our truth. Okay So when you share like it's like when the woman says Jonathan does these genes make my butt look fat and you say yes Will you ask for the truth and now you're angry at it? Why does this happen? Um, because most humans don't really know how to communicate at a heart-centered level Most humans don't know how to communicate at a compassionate level for one another Most humans are transactional in their relationships and because of that There are very overly sensitive. Most humans have dysfunction. They have weak emotional maturity and weak relationship skills So I these are all the whys Okay, the question comes back to what are you going to do about it for yourself? If you're in a relationship where you speak your truth and your partner gets angry See, here's the thing If you speak from the heart if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person So that tells me you're possibly with the wrong person. Why do you want the wrong person? That's my question. I invite you to answer for yourself flowers. Okay Sharon says oh if we had a library, there are libraries. You can get a library card for a couple bucks There are libraries all over the place. I could walk to my nearest library where I live It's easy all right deon wants to add Right away. I understand that because he's been in jail for 16 jail for over 16 years and is probably really backed up We are engaged 20 years ago and already been sexually active. Okay. Thank you for the additional information Um, by the way, if you have a question you want to get in the hot seat. Come on click the link. It'll be fun All right. Jeanette Janet What's your thoughts on poly relationships? I see more and more these days dynamics So I'm here to invite everyone to explore relationships at their At their what what feels right for them? You know a poly relationship doesn't feel right for me So it's not something I choose to do and at the same time I don't I know I have personal friends that started off in poly relationships The relationships morphed into a significant marriage in one case And they are dear friends of mine. I don't judge their choices So I'm here to say this is becoming the norm. By the way, when you think about it in in Olden times when I think of England and then this is just a supposition of my part the more wealthy a person was The more often men and women had, you know lovers or mistresses that was a very common Thing back then in fact in many cases their significant partner knew about it. What about the Mormon? Communities they have multiple lovers multiple wives in their lives. So it's a very this isn't a This isn't an uncommon thing I mean to the extent that it's been or it's happened for hundreds if not thousands of years people have had multiple lovers The question is what do you want? See that's the Does it matter what other people do what matters most is what do you want to do? Okay? Uh, why do we have such bashful people not joining the hot seat? Donna How do I set boundaries and handle a situation when a guy I just met acts like we're already a sure thing I'd like to get to know him, but his intensity is turning me off You know, I think of when I've been in situations where lust and limerence was driving the bus I think the most polite thing to do Is to say I really appreciate the attention and the affection You seem to be further along than I am and it takes me a little bit more time to build trust with a person Would you be okay with going at my pace? Because your pace feels uncomfortable and it's Make it's and I'm reaching the point where this turns me off and I'm assuming that's not what you want Now Donna my suspicion is he is driven by lust Uh, most likely it's more the intensity is more about getting you in the bedroom Than it is about actually building a relationship with you So if he's genuinely wants to build a relationship with you, why don't you throw a curve ball? Why don't you let him know that before the penis goes inside the vagina that you should both be reading the book Eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman. This will certainly slow him down Okay, and if he's sincere, he's going to stick it out If he's only in it for the short run, he's going to be gone rather quickly Talk talk purchase the book eight dates purchase two copies. Give him a copy read it together and then see how he responds um All right, if you have it, let's see rachel's back in the house asking a question By the way, if you want to join the hot seat before we wrap up today click the link below What does he mean by no labels? We're we're feeling this out Okay, when a man says no labels this means I do not want To make a commitment to you. I don't want to agree to monogamy. I don't want to agree to exclusivity I want to have You know, I want to have companionship connection and sex Without any formal commitment. And so we don't put labels on it. By the way This is called a book This is called a watch. This is called a shirt. This is called a cup. This is called a microphone This is called a camera. These are all labels. We use labels all day long But I don't like using labels. No, what you don't want to do is define this relationship for some reason Well, guess what your penis doesn't get to go inside my vagina until we've agreed to monogamy and exclusivity But I will tell you this guy is highly unlikely And if he does agree to it, it'll be temporary because guys who don't like to use labels are men who probably Are just going to be using you and this is a red flag to be looking for indeed. Okay, rachel. I hope that helps All right, come on. Let's get one last person on the hot seat before we wrap up tonight Jane wants to remind our previous Listener I would not go into a relationship with a married man knowingly too much collateral damage I agree with jane. I'm not a big fan of doing that. It's very unfair to the spouse um I agree with you about the woman just wanting to talk with the married man hate to say it But she must really be desperate for a relationship. See that's what the women think you're being desperate Okay, let's keep going. Sandy has a question A man I'm interested in said he wants to get to know me, but he's not ready to date regularly Does that mean he just wants to be friends with benefits? Well, let's put you this way My penis doesn't get to go inside your your penis doesn't get to go inside my vagina until you want monogamy and exclusivity with me and if that's not the case then go enjoy your You know friendship elsewhere ladies when a guy says that it's most likely he just wants the k He wants the milk without buying the cow so to speak All right, is that sinking in? All right folks we had a bashful group. I would hope we'd have more people want to join in Uh jade says guys don't like to use labels are a red flag exactly All right, folks, you know what I think this would be a great place to wrap up tonight I hope you appreciate the new format I hope you found value in this if you did please hit that like button Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel hit that notification bell as well If you have something to add post a comment below if you found value in this and you're watching the replay Please hit that super thanks and donate to the connor asley scholarship fund and we're going to wrap up this videos I always do first off give myself a big gigantic jonathan barrack of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank roller girl and elizabeth and mccoy and mel and sharon And karen karen and jade and kassandra and mccoy is in the house mccoy's uh miss ashley hey uh Let's see. What else we've got here joice We have erin. I'm sorry. I didn't get a chance to get to your question And margaret and tp everyone. Thank you so much wishing you a super duper wonderful evening. Bye now