 We like to draw conclusions very quickly. We want comfort. Our brain likes it if, oh, that must be that because then at least I have the safety of this thought or this reassurance. So we kind of might do it for ourselves, but it can become even dangerous, I would say. I would, sounds like a big word, but it is if you change your behavior or adapt your behavior based on only what you've observed. What's up everybody and welcome to the show today. We drop great content each and every week and we want to make sure that you guys get notified. And in order to do that, you're going to have to smash that subscribe button and hit that notification bell. And if you've gotten a lot of value out of this, make sure you give us a like and share our videos with your friends. One of the biggest myths that I think a lot of people have around reading body language is really just focusing on the body language itself and thinking that they can almost read the other person's mind. And we enjoyed, in another discussion you had in another interview, how you talked about there's much more that goes into reading and analyzing body language than just the signals that are being sent. There's the environment, there's the context, there's who you're also speaking to and how you're reacting to them. So let's talk a little bit about what are these myths around reading body language and what can analyzing body language teach us and what can it teach us? Thank you for that question. I think the most important thing is realizing that it's not just body language as, okay, what do we do? But also attire, what do we wear? What is behind us on our screen? But a lot of people think that if they look into body language that they think they found the key to the matrix. Like now I know everything and when they observe people, they have this belief that they know everything already. Oh, this is that kind of person and I know exactly how this person thinks. And that's a shame because I love it when people become aware of body language but it cannot teach us what other persons are thinking or actually what's going on in their mind. AJ, you can correct me from, I believe it was Laura Wong who we had interviewed when her book Edge and she talked about how it is important to tell your story or other people are going to tell your story. And of course, if they don't know that information, they're just going to put all these pieces together and it couldn't be farther from the truth. And you have that opportunity when you first meet people to give them that story and give them those pieces so they're not randomly grasping at straws. And I certainly have family members who I recognize all the time who just infer all these things about people without any research, any thought is speaking to them. And of course that drives their behaviors around these people. Yes, there's so many myths around it and so many. We like to draw conclusions very quickly. We want comfort. Our brain likes it if, oh, that must be that because then at least I have the safety of this thought or this reassurance. So we kind of might do it for ourselves but it can become even dangerous. I would say, I would sounds like a big word, but it is if you change your behavior or adapt your behavior based on only what you've observed. And it is important to observe but not draw every conclusion from it. Well, it's very interesting that we were talking about my background earlier and just the way I look for a lot of people if they see the YouTube video, their first thought is, what is this guy, a musician? So with this backdrop, it answers that question and for me it's like, hopefully you're focusing now on what I'm saying rather than how I look. Yeah, but did you do it deliberately? Did you choose specifically, this is what I wanna ask the background? Yes, for that specific reason. I wanted that question answered so it's not in people's heads. Yeah, well, and then it's very helpful if we make a conscious decision like this is the background this is what I want to be perceived at or maybe that you want a distraction to go to animal which is so lovely in the corner. It's very bright and funny. So yeah, it's very important and especially these days when we have these digital conversations going on a lot of people are not aware of their background. We've seen amazing videos of course with things going on in the background where everybody's distracted and it's funny but in a way you can also say is this what you want to ooze out? Is this what you want to be perceived at? I think this is one of the first times we've ever really had to consider environment because many of us were coming into a workplace that decided the environment for us. Now we get to pick our background and our background says a lot about us just like our nonverbal communication and our verbal communication does. Yes, exactly. And I have even heard a lot of people that start with funny backgrounds because okay, we were in awful settings, true so people wanted to have some novelty, some funny elements behind it but up to the point where people started taking each other less seriously, oh he's the guy who's always portraying something funny in the background and yeah, it has caused situations in businesses as well. We drop great content each and every week and we wanna make sure that you guys get notified and in order to do that you're gonna have to smash that subscribe button and hit that notification bell and if you've gotten a lot of value out of this make sure you give us a like and share our videos with your friends. Now in mainstream media here in America we often encounter body language experts, communication experts who are analyzing politicians or celebrities behavior. So we'll watch a video and they'll break down all of these body language signals and it leaves the audience thinking that wow this body language expert can read someone's mind and they understand communication at such a great level. Can you tell us a little bit about your origin story and what you're doing at the behavior company? Yeah, thank you for the question. Well I started at the Academy of Arts so officially I'm a director you could say from theater and all those kind of things. One of the elements that we were taught is okay how do you portray yourself on stage so you advise people in this case actors is it what I want to see as a director is that visible is it showing on stage and in my last year I was asked to talk at a company about presentation techniques and these CEOs had to present numbers to a big audience and they wanted to become aware of stage presence and for me it was remarkable because nobody knew anything about body language I would say and they were in awe like oh if I look at my audience in a broader view it is more effective I didn't know that. So that was one of the reasons why I started my work forgetting everything about theater but using it in my line of work in the behavior company. So when it comes to communication we know it's important in business and many of us haven't really been trained in how to communicate effectively at work so what is some of the work that you do in the workplace with companies that hire the behavior company? Yeah making them aware that's I would say that's one of the biggest things we do especially higher up people do not get feedback anymore some people are afraid to talk to their CEO they're like oh let's not give this person feedback so one of the things we do is make them aware do you realize how you come across and if you realize how you come across is that the way you want to come across and if not of course we help them with more effective behavior so to change it in a better way so that it becomes better and more effective. So in this making people more aware it's certainly being aware of their body language and how it affects themselves and the people in the room are you making them aware of the certain forces pressures that are in the work environment that they should be conscious of that would have an unconscious impact on their body language and behaviors? Yes you make them aware on the themes they just think oh I have something I want to get across let's go to the content and I'll address it to my peers but to make them understand that there are certain elements in there yes context is important yes setting is important yes timing is important emotions are important just by addressing that they start to realize oh communication might be a bit more difficult than I think it is I just want to get a message across and by making them aware of that it's helpful not just for them but also for others because then others are like oh they are improving in their communication Are there any pressures that you would be able to point to for our listeners for them to be conscious of when they go to work to take a look at to see whether or not it's hindering their performance or adding and helping their performance I would always say are you comfortable that's where it starts first do you feel comfortable with what you're doing because if you show up and you're already nervous and you have a certain behavior that it doesn't suit you that's where it starts do you realize who you are what you bring to the table and if you feel comfortable then the next step is okay are you observant of other people what do they do do they avoid you is the proximity different you know do they get away from you are they focusing on you are they nodding their heads so what I always look for is the comfort for both parties and you see that when people start doing that also young people then they understand oh I am growing here I'm not just being uncomfortable in my line of work adapting to what is needed but I feel comfortable as well as the other person it's certainly important to be aware of that and especially as human beings because as you mentioned we are so adaptable in fact we've been able to adapt to some of the harshest environments in the world and not only survive but thrive so to have those check-ins to be honest with yourself is incredibly important yeah aren't we amazing as humans