 Welcome back to day four of Mental Health Awareness Month and in this video I'm going to be discussing for the first time ever about what it's like being half African American, but obviously looking white. This is something I've never opened up about, I've never talked about, but during Mental Health Awareness Month I thought that this was an important topic to finally touch on. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem, but focus on the solution. And if you're new to my channel, typically what I do is I like to take a look at the YouTube community or society as a whole or pop culture or movies and TVs and try to see what kind of lessons we can learn from them to try to better improve our lives. So if you're into that stuff, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. But yeah, every now and then I just share my experience, okay? I have a lot of experience with many, many, many different things. I've talked about my mental health issues, I've talked about overcoming my drug addiction, I've talked about being a father, I've talked about relationships, everything like that. But something that I've just kind of touched on here and there but never really gone into is the fact that I'm biracial, alright? So I am half black, half Sicilian, alright? And yeah, so let's start with childhood and growing up. So growing up, obviously just like many of our parents, they share a lot of their stories about what it was like for them growing up. So being half black, my dad, who is the black one, my mom's the white one, my dad shared a lot of stories with me about him growing up in the 50s and 60s. So the country obviously was much different back then. My dad grew up on the West Coast though but he did have stories about going down south and things like that and him being introduced to racism and all of that, right? And my mom, she is always, just always since she was a child, she's just dated black men and her growing up during that era, she experienced a ton, like a ton of racism. We're talking in high school and everything like that, being called an inward lover, people beating her up, my mom has two fake front teeth from people jumping her back in high school and this was, even though my mom grew up in California, the central part of California is a little bit different than once you get over to the beach side. So I heard stories from both my mom and my dad about the struggles that they grew up with because back in the day, just co-mingling with other races still wasn't really approved of. So for me growing up, me growing up, my parents got divorced when I was about four years old and my dad raised me. I've talked about how my mom was an alcoholic for the first 20 years of my life, she's been sober for well over a decade now but my dad raised me and something that I experienced but it wasn't a huge deal for me, it was kind of embarrassing sometimes, was that when my dad would drop me off and pick me up or he'd come to school functions or whatever, kids would ask me if I was adopted. I'm like, no man, my dad's black, I just don't look black. But it was something that, it was just kind of embarrassing when it would happen, like no, I'm not adopted but I don't know, that's just something that kids deal with. You being adopted is like a sick burn, so when people would ask me if I was adopted just because my dad didn't look like me, like that was something that just kind of embarrassed me. And when I was a kid, I believe I was in like, I don't know, seventh or eighth grade when you start kind of like trying to distance yourself from your parents and you're going to hang out with your friends and everything, I remember going to the movies with my friends and obviously I didn't drive because I was in middle school and my dad dropped me off and I saw my group of friends. I remember this like it was yesterday. I saw my group of friends like in front of the movie theater and we're pulling into the parking lot, I saw my friends, I'm like dad, dad, dad, can you drop me off right here? And my dad like stops for a second and he asked me like in all seriousness, he's like, Chris, he's like, are you embarrassed of me because, because I'm black? And like, I just started laughing my ass off at him and my dad and I, we have a great, loving, joking relationship, but I laughed at him like, no, dad, like, I'm not embarrassed of you because you're black. I'm embarrassed of you because you're a freaking dork, right? Like, so it made me like, but that was an instance where it made me wonder like, you know, how my dad felt or what he thought about me, you know, growing up, looking white, but being half black. But the reality is, is that I've always been extremely proud of my culture of, of being half black, you know, like my, my parents, you know, my family, like I was raised on my old school Motown music. I grew up in the 90s. I was introduced to all that amazing 90s R and B like boys to men are still my dudes, right? I've seen them twice here in Las Vegas. I grew up on that stuff. Um, I grew up on like soul food. Like we'd always have, you know, the bouté, like family reunions and stuff. And there was like barbecues and everything like that. And funny story real quick. So my middle name is Michael. And I was actually going to be named Michael Jackson bouté because I was born in 1985 around the time thriller came out and my sister who, my sister who was also half black looks full black though, but she wanted to name me Michael Jackson bouté and then we're going to let her name me. But anyways, they were like, now let's not do that. But my middle name is Michael after Michael Jackson. All right. So anyways, as I grew up and I got into high school, the way Vegas is kind of laid out or just like the schooling zones or whatever. I went to a school where it was kind of like half rich kids and then half like lower middle class and I was on the lower middle class side. So it was an interesting high school experience because there was like two different groups of people like we're talking like kids whose parents bought them like a Mercedes or a BMW or SUV when they turned 16, right? But anyways, at my school, there were a lot of black kids there as well. And I played sports. I did football. I did wrestling. I did track and in high school, like I did like, I don't know. I was very, very grateful that the black kids accepted me as like one of theirs, right? Because when you're half black, when you're half white, when you're biracial in any sense of being biracial, it can be difficult to know where you fit in because sometimes this group doesn't accept you. Sometimes that group doesn't accept you, right? And I had a very fortunate high school experience where the black dudes I played sports with and everything, they accepted me, right? And everything I'm like, I'm very, very grateful for that because that could have really gone the other way. But, you know, like they met my dad and they were cool with my dad and stuff. So, you know, like a lot of people like think I'm lying just because of how white I look. And that's something else that I've dealt with. But it really, I haven't had many people question it, but I usually like have a picture of my dad and me on my cell phone. Just like, look, here it is. I even have like family photos and everything, you know, just, yo, here it is. I guess the only thing I can have is DNA tests. But I'm going to come back to like where I'm at today. But it's been coming up more and more lately now that I'm a YouTuber and more people are watching my videos. I have a lot of people questioning it. And I guess the question right there is like, why would I lie about that? Like that would be such a weird lie. But then again, you have like Rachel Dolezal who did her whole thing. So I guess I get it in the time that we're living in. But like for me, like for me, it's just me, you know? That's just how I was born, how I was raised, you know, like I am half black. One of the things that I dealt with as a teenager and it's still something I dealt with throughout my life was when I was a teenager, like a lot of parents and adults knew, knew I was half black, right? And I've mentioned this before in Las Vegas. We have a gigantic Mormon community and not all Mormons are bad. Not all Mormons are racist, you know, many of them aren't from my experience here in Las Vegas. But something that I remember hearing a lot was just like people saying like, oh, Chris, Chris, you're you're a good kid. You're not like you're not like those other black kids or whatever. And and it's just it's just weird to me. It's weird to me because it's like, do you think that's a compliment? Like, do you think that's a compliment where you're like talking trash about like a race where you're saying like I'm one of the better ones? And that's something I just remember being so confused about in high school, like what what what do you mean? Right. And this opened the door for more more racism that I experienced like later on in the life in life. Like I've always kind of seen myself as this kind of like this kind of undercover brother. But yeah, because I look white, I've experienced a lot of racism just because people think they're talking to a white dude. The first time the first time I experienced like direct racism, like me personally was it was after my son's mother and I broke up and, you know, I was single for a little while and then I got back into the dating scene. And I did like online dating or whatever. I was talking to this girl for a while. Things were going great and we were talking or whatever. I'm like, we hung out a couple of times and like being half black isn't something I just bring up out of the gate. Like, I don't even know when I bring it out, but it's not something like, hi, I'm Chris and I'm half black, you know what I mean? But anyways, we'd hung out a couple of times. Everything was amazing. And one time, like during conversation, like we were texting each other. Like, I, you know, maybe we were talking about family or whatever. And I mentioned that I was half black and she's just like, oh, right. And like she was racist and I never knew that. And she just stopped talking to me and I'm like, this is weird. Like it was, I had never experienced that before. But this girl just straight up stopped talking to me once she figured out that I was half black and my brain just. And like, this was like, I don't know, a decade ago. And I remember being confused, like, wait, like racism is like really still a thing. Like, what? So then as I mentioned, now that I'm an adult and I've been in different working environments and everything like that. Like, I felt just like as this undercover black dude, right? Like half black guy, like I've experienced a lot of racism. I just I've had people just drop in like in bombs and everything like that all around me. And I'm just like, yo, and I got to tell them, right? One story that always sticks out in my head, always sticks out in my head was when I was working at the rehab center. You know, we have people from all over the country, all over the country would fly into this rehab center. Like, I'd say a good 90% of our clients were from out of state. So you had a mixed bag of people, you know, who were from more liberal areas for more conservative areas from down south, from up north, you know, wherever it was. And I remember after a group, you know, because a lot of the clients who come talk to me after I ran a group or whatever. And like after a group, this like dude, and he was he was he was like Southern and, you know, you know, Cowboys style, he comes up to me and he's like, Hey, Chris, you know, I just want to say, like, you know, I love your groups, but I just stay kind of quiet in these groups because of all the, you know, inwards. And like, I don't even feel comfortable saying it and, you know, whatever. But like, and he was saying that to me, just dropped in. And he starts like trying to like talk to me as like, hi, fellow white man. Like, you know, those blacks, you know, whatever. And like, I was like, Hey, I was like, I'm actually half black. And by the way, the look on people's faces when that happens is just priceless. But then the guy apologizing, did that thing that I mentioned before where they're like, Oh, no, no, no, I don't mean you. I mean, I mean the other blacks, right? Like that's any less offensive. But I've ran into many situations like that before. And something that I try to do as as my part is to open my mouth about that stuff and like, you know, speak out against it and be like, that's not cool. You know what I mean? Because it would be easy. It would be easy. And in my younger days, like before, I like, you know, really started like caring about more people other than myself was like, I could just stay quiet. You know what I mean? I could just, oh, you know, right? And then just, you know, curse them out in my head. But like now, like I speak out. I'm like, Oh, that's not cool. You know what I mean? So where I'm at today, where I'm at today. Like, obviously, you know, the African American community is something that I'm very, very passionate about. And it's something that I, you know, I empathize for all the things that happen and everything like that. But I'll be honest with you, like it's something that I hold back on. OK, like I'm not looking for a pity party or anything like that. But I do hope you understand and maybe you can offer me some advice or your comments or just suggestions down below. But I do hold this sense of guilt. I hold this sense of guilt because I see what the black community in America goes through. I see what they go through. And like what drives me nuts is when people, when people act like white privilege just isn't a thing. And that's something that I get really wild up about. I haven't talked about it on my channel, but like in personal conversations when I'm like watching the news or anything like that. When people are acting like white privilege isn't a thing and everybody has the same opportunities and everything like that. Like I know it's a thing because I experience, I experience that white privilege, which black people don't. I have heard stories from my family and everything like that. And I sit there and like there's so many things I've never, I've never had to deal with and I won't fully understand just because of the way the gene pool worked out with me and how I came out looking like I don't have to be afraid of the cops. Like I don't. I don't have to worry about race being an issue when I go apply for a job. I don't have to worry about these kind of like little things, you know, like like when they talk about like these microaggressions, all sorts of stuff. I've never had to experience that because I look white. And like that's something that I why I hold back because it's something that's actually been coming up on my channel lately. I hold back because, you know, any, any, any black person who's experienced that I understand. Like I get it. I get why they would be offended on me speaking out on certain things because they know they know. Like if you assume that I've never been through those things, like you're probably right. You are probably right. I have never been discriminated against because of my race. Something I've done, by the way, like whenever I fill out like a form, whether it's for, you know, going to the doctor or a new job or even back in school or whatever, like I always checked off by racial. Or if you checked off your nationalities, it was like, you know, Caucasian and African American, I've always done that. And I've never tried to hide that fact. But there's this guilt that comes along with it because I will never fully understand what, you know, a darker skin color, you know, kind of person has dealt with in this country. And there are things that I'm very passionate about. They're like, I'm an advocate. Like I advocate for mental health all the time. Mental health in the black community is something that is is definitely needed. Right. Like I've done some videos in the past just touching on it, how black people are less likely to go get help for their mental health. And a lot of it has to do with the culture, everything like that. And I speak up about those things. But where else can I speak up, you know, like I've been given this platform and I want to use this platform for good. And I want to give a voice to the voiceless with this platform. But again, like I hold back a lot just because I don't look black. So I don't know. Like that's my experience of growing up half black. And there's a bunch of stuff I left out of this videos. Maybe I'll do some more stories and things, you know, and kind of dive into more situations and everything. But anyways, if you are part of the, you know, African-American community or I don't like to discriminate against anybody. If you just have suggestions, if you think that there's anything I can do with my platform to better speak up about certain social issues and things like that, like, let me know down in the comments below. Like, as always, I want to do it in a respectful way. I don't ever want to act like I, I fully know an experience that I've never experienced before. But I've grown up for the past 30 plus years looking at what happens to, you know, my brothers and sisters in this country. And I feel for them because they're my family. The same is like my actual family is my family and I've seen what's happened to them like I see what happens in the rest of this country. So anyways, anyways, that's all I got for this video. If you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up. If you're new, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell because I make a ton of videos and a huge, huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on Patreon. You are all amazing. And if you would like to get involved in our monthly Q&A, some other perks and benefits, help support what I'm doing here. You can click the top on that Patreon icon right there. All right. Thanks again for watching. I'll see you next time.