 The reason why the narcissist wants to hurt you as much as they can. Narcissists are known for wanting to cause pain to their victims. They do everything they can to hurt you, to get under your skin, to make you angry, to make you upset. And once they're on this roller coaster of trying to bring you down, it's like there's nothing you can tell them. It's like the more that you try and stop them from hurting you, it just gets worse. So let's talk about why they want to hurt you. They want to hurt you because they are hurt. There's no such thing as a happy person who goes around hurting people. They do it because they're hurt, because they're sad, because they're angry, because they're not happy with their lives. That's why they do it, and they don't care about how it makes you feel because they're self-absorbed and they lack empathy. So they don't even share your experience, at least not on an effective level, but cognitively they do share your feelings. They recognize how you feel. They know exactly what they're doing. They know exactly what you want. They know exactly what you don't want. They know what you like, what you don't like. That's how they're so good at hurting you, because they already know what they have to do. They've studied you, they've learned you. So they already know what they've got to do to make you mad. What they've got to do to make you cry. They already know. That's why they study you. That's why they have to learn all of these things about you. The things you like, the things you don't like. Because what they do is they withhold the things that you do like, and if they know that you don't like something, they'll give you more of it. And you can try this out, especially if you're in the early stages of the relationship. Tell them something that you secretly like, but tell them that you don't like it. And watch how often they do it. But eventually they will catch on that you do like it, and then they will just stop doing it. But they may find amusement in it, when they realise that you do like it after all. But yeah, this is their game plan. This is what they're doing. Studying your likes and dislikes, and then using them against you. They're sadistic. They get off on your pain. And the reason why is because they're hurt. It's trauma that they've experienced. They respond into their trauma. Anytime that it seems like they're trying to hurt you, they're actually just responding to their trauma. That's how they know it all so too well. When they're withholding something from you that you like, they learn that someone once did that to them. And when they're repeatedly doing things to you that they know you don't like, that's another thing that they've learned. Someone did that to them before as well. So they're not really doing anything new. All they're really doing is just repeating things that they've seen other people do to them. And then they think, oh, that was powerful. That really affected me. I'll keep that in my back pocket and use it on someone else at a later date. That's what they're thinking. And that's how you will probably notice that when they ask about your past relationships, things that happened with your exes, maybe your ex was a narcissist as well. And they did certain things that you didn't like. They would help things from you that you do like. And you told the narcissist about this. You told them how much it bothered you. And then when they started to devalue you and discard you, they did the exact same things to you. The very things that you confided in them, the things you told them you don't like, that your ex did, they went and just repeated the same thing that you said to them. Or maybe it was your family. Nah, that's you. Maybe it was your family. Maybe your family did some horrible things to you. Maybe they said some horrible things. And you told the narcissist about it and how much it hurt you. And then later on in the devaluation or discard, the narcissist went and did the exact same thing again. See, they know exactly what they're doing. They're always watching. They're always studying you. It's really sick when you think about it. But this is actually what they do. And it's a really big thing to them. They're really studying you in depth to see what makes you tick. And when it comes down to it, it's all just to regulate their emotions. Just to make themselves feel better. They're using you like a puppet, like a machine, and they're just pushing your buttons. And every time they do that, they get a little high. For a few seconds, they feel good about themselves. So they're willing to tear you down and make you feel like rubbish, just so they can feel a bit better than you in that moment. It's crazy when you think about it, like the amount they break you and push you down. They really knock you right down, just so they can climb a little higher. For a few seconds, so they could say something to you, and it could really bother you. They could cheat on you, and it just gets to you for days, weeks, months. Just eats away at you. Maybe you get depressed. Maybe some people took their own lives. For what? Just so they can feel a bit better for a few seconds. It's crazy when you think about it. They will literally ruin someone's life just so they can have a few seconds of fake happiness. So yeah, this is it. This is the reason why they hurt you. Just so they can have some fake happiness. So they can disguise, conceal, and suppress how they really feel about themselves. Just for a short moment. Pretty dark video today, I know, but I have to put it out there. It's good to learn more about these types of people, understanding what makes them tick, what makes them do what they do. I mean, I know it's not an easy thing to understand. This was, of all of the different topics on narcissism, this was the one that was really difficult to comprehend for me because I've always considered myself a very caring person who would never intentionally hurt anyone. And as many of you know, I am a vegan as well, which I do for the animals, because I'm against any form of suffering and I have my own cat as well. And I just can't imagine why would anyone want to cause another person pain and suffering like that. Very difficult to understand, but in the end I just came to the conclusion that it's not going to work if you try to understand it with your brain because my brain and a narcissist's brain, it's not the same. I have very strong empathy as an empath. I feel so much for other people when I see them hurt, when I see them experiencing misfortune, that I will even go out of my way to help them at my own expense. And I guess you could even see that as a character flaw, that's just the way I'm wired. And of course I have been taking the steps to work on that and start giving more to myself so that I'm not always losing out and people are just taking from me. But yeah, what I'm saying is it was difficult for me to understand in the beginning. I mean, I'm not an angel. Of course, we've all had situations where maybe we've been provoked, someone said or did something we didn't like. Maybe they were trying to hurt us. And then what do we do? We lash out. We say something we're not proud of, whatever it is. You know, we do something and yeah, definitely in my past, that's happened to me. So actually, I'll take that back. I guess you could say in some situations, yes, I have intentionally tried to hurt people in reaction to what they said or did to me. But even then, there's still a difference because after I did that, I immediately felt very guilty. Like I could just break down and cry for the person that I said or did something to. And immediately I just wanted to reunite with them and try to make things better. Try to make them happy and just show them that it wasn't anything personal. It was just in reaction to what they said or did to me. But with narcissists, it's a whole other level and that's what made it so difficult for me to understand because they don't just stop and feel guilty. They don't just feel bad for what they've done. It just goes on and on. It's like it just cuts off from feeling bad. And then that shame just makes someone to hurt you more and more. It's really scary stuff. They have no cut-off point with the abuse. And that's when you know you're dealing with someone who is very dangerous is when they just keep going on and on and on. And they just never stop. That's when you know that something is wrong because normal people, yes, they do get angry. They get upset sometimes. That's completely normal. Yes, they may lash out. They may do things they're not proud of. They might yell at you. They may damage your stuff. They're really angry. In some cases, they may even attack you physically. But then they're going to stop and feel extremely guilty. And they're just going to try and make you feel better. They're going to do everything they can to show you that they acted out of character. And that is not who they really are. Something you'll never see a narcissist do. They just don't feel guilty at all. There's just no cut-off for the abuse with them. And it can be very difficult when you try and see things from their perspective. It just doesn't make any sense when you try and put yourself in their shoes and think, why are they saying this? Why are they doing this? You just keep thinking and you just don't understand. I've got a few trolls in the chat so I'm just taking them out. It's very difficult to understand because we're just not the same. We have different brains, different ways of thinking. When you look at it, for all of us, it's still CPTSD. We just choose to respond differently to our past traumas. They respond by lashing out and it just never stops. But we tend to go within. We self-loathe. We feel down. But yeah, this is why they do what they do. Because for a few seconds it just makes them feel a little bit better about themselves. The lighter side of things, we don't have to do that. We don't have to tear anyone down. We don't have to hurt anyone. We can go within and find that inner joy. It all starts by just taking a moment to yourself to breathe deeply. Think about the things that you are grateful for and then make sure you spread that joy as well. Share your happiness with other people. There's a lot of people out here these days who are only looking to take. They're not looking to give anything back in return. And so there's a lot of people who are left feeling neglected. Like they don't matter. Like they're not good enough. Yeah, it's good to just share the happiness that you have with other people. I think it's very important to do that. Because sometimes I think that's what happened with these narcissists. I mean, there's no way that in their childhood they couldn't have had anyone sharing happiness with them. They couldn't have been surrounded by happy people. The environment must have been just as dysfunctional as they are. That's why they grow up to become the way they are now where they're just trying to hurt people. But they're very good at pretending. They're very good at putting on an act. An act in their lives is so much better than everyone else's. They act like they're so happy. But then once you've spent enough time around them, do you realize it's all fake? They're miserable, bitter, angry people. But it doesn't have to be that way for us. All we have to do is avoid these people and generate our happiness from within. So yeah, that's the message for today. 148. Watching this video right now. Please hit that thumbs up button. Share the message. Thank you all for joining me. And I look forward to talking with you in another video very soon.