 Ever heard of the term toxic positivity? Sounds oxymoronic. Yet it's there, it happens, and no, you're not being ungrateful. These seemingly harmless phrases probably come from a place of good intention, but no matter how someone intends it, they still tend to come off as indifference or condescension. Not only that, but they're also usually said when you're already feeling kind of crappy. This is not good. So whether you're worried about being the one saying it, or you're wondering why you feel bad about someone else saying these to you, let's look at these seemingly harmless yet toxic phrases. Number one, it's not the worst thing that can happen to you. Wow, that's dumb. This phrase carries the implication that you're ungrateful or weak. It indirectly adds shame and guilt to the person who is already suffering. Pain is subjective and relative to each person, so comparing it or trying to top it is not helpful in the least. Even though what someone is going through could seem minor to you, that same issue could be a colossal obstacle for someone else. Number two, I told you so. We all know it can be tempting, but we also know fully how painful it is to deal with someone who's gloating over us with I told you so. Especially when we've gone through the painful step of admitting we're wrong and are now going through the equally painful task of writing that wrong. No matter how much insistence there is that the phrase is being said to educate for the future or to show you care, it only sends a message that you can't be trusted or confided in, as a mistake means humiliation and condescension. Number three, it's nothing, don't worry about it. Similar to the first phrase, saying something is nothing is not helpful. We understand that it's meant to give a wider perspective, as in in the grand scheme of things, what has happened is not going to derail everything, so you're okay and can move past this. However, since it's such a short and abrupt phrase, what comes through is what you do and what you feel are unimportant. You don't matter. Ouch. Number four, you're strong, you can handle it. Well, it depends on the context, but if this phrase is given when a person has expressed a vulnerability or a pain point like grieving, they're looking to you for help, support, maybe even a solution. They feel weak and making the decision to ask you was already difficult. Simply telling them the opposite, you're strong, you can handle it, is the equivalent of saying, I reject this weakness you're showing, I refuse your request for help, deal with it on your own. This rejection of them, when they've opened up, carries the message that being vulnerable is wrong and they must hide themselves. Number five, you're in trouble. This is toxic when it's said when the person already knows that they're in for some bad times, like after crashing their friend's car or missing an important deadline. In other words, thanks Captain Obvious, you're not helping. A phrase like this during a highly stressful event can also sound like you're taking sadistic glee and thermos fortune. If this trouble was told in confidence to you, meaning the person needs at least a sympathetic ear, this phrase sounds almost like a betrayal of trust and they may think twice about opening up to you in the future about anything. Number six, time heals everything. This one comes off sounding like a disinterested, lazy or meaningless platitude. It's right up there with this too shall pass or time heals all wounds. It sounds like something someone says so they don't have to deal with the person with the problems anymore. When someone is in the deepest part of grief or in the depths of intense emotion, this phrase sounds flaky and unreal. It also sounds like a lie. Time isn't Wolverine's healing factor. Time is what allows a person to adapt, process, and cool down from the peak intensity of emotions. That's it. Profound things will always leave a mark. Barring amnesia. Generally, we know we're just trying to help and we say these things because we feel the need to contribute and support somehow. Caring is good and necessary. To make those efforts more effective, we need to be aware of how our words come across. Our vocabulary can be improved by being rooted in realism and the now, instead of an idealized future. When we better utilize our words to comfort others, we also do so for ourselves. Thanks for watching and good on you for wanting to be better for others. Did any of these phrases tweak something in you? Feel free to add, share, and discuss in the comments. See you soon.