 The Jello Program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with brown eyes. Why are you so close to my nose? When it comes to bright vivid beauty, ladies and gentlemen, there are two sights that are mighty hard to beat. One is a garden of spring flowers bursting into color with daffodils, tulips, and primroses. And the other is a big shimmering mold of Jello and any of its six delicious flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, or lime. Jello's rich glowing colors are so gay and inviting, they make Jello one of the most attractive desserts of all. There's bright golden lemon, rosy pink strawberry, clear green lime, ruby red cherry, sunny orange, and crimson raspberry. The cheeriest, most charming colors that ever delighted the eye or tempted the taste. And flavor, hmm, say, there's just nothing more delicious than the flavor of Jello. A delightful flavor is refreshing as the juicy ripe fruit itself. So enjoy Jello real soon. Let's say the strawberry, raspberry, or cherry flavors. All three have a new improved flavor obtained by using a natural flavor base artificially enhanced. And the result is a grand distinctive goodness better than ever. Try a rich glistening mold of Jello tomorrow. Where are you so close to my nose, played by the orchestra? And now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you one of Hollywood's most versatile movie stars whose new picture has just gone into production. An actor whose roles extend from leading man in Love Thy Neighbor to leading lady in Charlie's Aunt, Jack Benny. Thank you. Jell-O again. This is Jack Benny talking. And Don, you were a little confused in your introduction. You see, in the picture I'm making now, Charlie's Aunt, I'm really a man. I merely masquerade as a woman. Oh, I see. Well, that's a rather difficult assignment, isn't it, Jack? Oh, it is, Tiz. You see, Don, the picture takes place around 1890. And I never realized how uncomfortable women's dresses were in those days. Boy, they had more contraptions. Leg of mutton sleeves, tight collars, seven petticoats. Yes, they were pretty complicated. By the way, Jack, does your dress have a bustle on it? A bustle? I think so, Don. It can't be me. But I don't mind that, Don. The thing I really object to is that darn corset I have to wear. So tight and hot and always sticking in my ribs. You know, mine does that, too. Oh, ho! So I finally got it out of you. You admit that you wear a corset, eh, Don? Well, the little woman thought it was a good idea. It helps my figure and takes an inch off my stomach. An inch? Yes. Don, taking one inch off your stomach is like taking a clam away from Pismo B. Anyway, wear it in good health. But getting back to my costume, Don, I... Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. What are you talking about? Corsets. Well, that's me out. I mean the corset I wear in my picture. And, Don, Don, listen. There's one thing I found out about women's clothes in those days. Listen to me, Mary. I want to go over and talk to Don. Okay, boy. Don. Don, you'll never believe it. What is it, Jack? Long pants. No kidding, Don. The ones I wear go clear down to my ankles. But I'll tell you something about my costume, Don. I look cute as the dickens in it. I wear a black dress, a lace shawl, and a wig with long gray curls. So do they go down to your ankles, too? Mary, I'm playing a woman, not a French poodle. If you could bark, I'd bet on you. Well, stop. I look very attractive in that outfit. And you know, Don, it's amazing how I pool everybody around the studio. They think I'm really a woman. Doesn't anybody think you're a poodle? No, nobody but you. Now, get this, Don. I was walking around the lot the other day, all dressed up in my costume, and Jack Oakey pulled alongside of me in his car and said, How about going out for a spin, babe? Oh, he didn't recognize you, huh? No. Well, anyway, I thought I'd ribbon a little so I got in the car and we drove off. No kidding. He really fell for it. What happened, Jack? I walked home from Santa Monica. You know, I'll either have to get another picture or roller skates. It's terrible. By the way, Jack, is Charlie Zand a Paramount picture? No, Don. I'm making this one for 20th Century Fox. You see, I'm signed at three different studios now. Paramount, Fox, and Warner Brothers. Well, that's odd. Why should three studios want you? They don't. They toss them around like a hot potato. They do nothing at the kind. Now, you were at the studio, Mary, and you know very well that when I walked into Mr. Zand's office the other day, he gave me a wonderful reception. Some reception. He said, I'm busy. See me later. He said, I'm busy. Please, see me later. He's a swell guy. Believe me. Oh, hello, Dennis. Hello, Mr. Benny. Happy Mother's Day. Dennis, this is Mother's Day, but that was meant for a rib. I don't like it. Oh, I wasn't ribbing, Mr. Benny. You know, you've been like a mother to me ever since I've been on this program. Oh. Gee, you've taken care of me. You've always inspired me, and you've encouraged me in my work. Well... And you've even been kind enough to save my money for me. Oh, forget it, Dennis. I'm glad to do it. Nothing at all. I'm keeping track, Bob. Right. Keep track. I'm only doing it for your own good. When summer comes along, you'll be able to take a little trip somewhere. You know, we'll be off the air in three more weeks. Oh, yeah. Say, Mr. Benny, where are you going on your vacation this summer? Jack Oki is taking him to Honolulu. Don't be silly. I haven't decided yet, Dennis, but I may go... Hiya, Jackson. Oh, hello, Phil. I'm sure sorry I missed that big banquet NBC gave you, but I was playing that night in Pasadena. Well, we missed you, too, Phil. Yeah, Phil, we certainly had a wonderful time. Well, I tried to get out of my engagement, but the manager said, OK, so fast, I went right into a number. I don't blame you, but you sure missed a swell party. You know, I look pretty nifty in my full dress suit. Say, Phil, you should have been there when Jack was introduced. Boy, was he embarrassed. Well, accidents will happen to you. What was it, Mary? When Jack took a bow, his shirt flew up and shoved a cigar right down his throat. Well, that's nothing to laugh at. I could hardly go on with my speech. That was nothing to laugh at either. I did all right, sister. Anyway, it was a grand testimonial, and I appreciated it. Hey, Jackson, did you hear the wonderful tribute Fred Allen gave you last Wednesday? Tribute? Certainly I heard it. But what do you mean tribute? He did your biology, didn't he? That's biography. Biology is with the bees. Allen was supposed to eulogize me for 60 minutes, and he practically ignored me. And after all I've done for that guy. What have you ever done for Allen? What have I? Did you hear that, Mary? When Allen first broke in a show business, who gave him a friendly pat on the back? You did. Yeah, who gave him advice? You did. Who gave him money when he needed it? You did? Yes, I did. And that shows you how grateful Allen is. Well, that's all you can expect from that guy. Phil, how about a band number so I can get good and mad? Okay, Jackson, we're going to play it. Never mind, play it. Who cares? I'm going to get even with Oakie, too. Go ahead, Phil. Hold it a minute. I'll take it. Hello? Hello, Mr. Penny, this is Rochester. Oh, what do you want? Well, due to conditions beyond my control, I'll be unable to pick you up this evening. You can't pick me up. Why not? Well, I was on my way to the studio and the match well broke down. I think the heat got it. The heat? Well, there must be a leak in the radiator. Steve, you can find it. Find it? I can't even duck it. Rochester, I don't want to have to take a cab home. Now, where are you calling from? Just a second. Where are we, Mabel? Mabel, what is this? Rochester, where are you? I'm calling from the Central Avenue. Our ribs will tickle you. Barbecue pit. Well, let me ask you something. What are you doing on Central Avenue with a girl when you're supposed to pick me up? If you could see Mabel, you'd forgive me, boss. She's TNT from Tennessee. I imagine. She's really... What's that, honey? Correction, boss. Mabel's name is Magnolia. I don't care what her name is. I want you over here, so get out of that barbecue stand and fix that car. But, boss... You're not afraid to get a little grease on your hands, are you? I don't think so. I just tucked away seven plates of ribs. Well, I'm not going to argue with you, Rochester. Get over here right away. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, say, boss... Now what? That was a nice gold watch they gave you at the band quit the other night. Yes, it's beautiful. What are you going to do with your old watch? Oh, I don't know. I guess I'll give it to you. Thanks. You can keep it, Magnolia. What? That boy doesn't waste any time playing. Ladies and gentlemen, the National Broadcasting Company is taking over the world. The National Broadcasting Company is taking over the remainder of this evening's jello shawl for a special program which they have prepared. May I now introduce to you my good friend, Ken Carpenter. Thanks, Don. Ladies and gentlemen, last Friday night NBC had a special program dedicated to Jack Benny's 10th anniversary on the air. For that particular occasion, a musical tribute to Jack had been prepared, but due to a limitation of time, we were unable to include this in the broadcast. However, we feel that you, Jack Benny's listeners, would like to hear this salutation. If Jack and the rest of the cast will take seats in the audience, we will proceed with the life of Jack Benny in music. Okay, let's go. 47 years ago, Waukegan, Illinois, was a little-known settlement boasting a few scattered stores, one of which was owned by one Meyer Benny. There was much excitement around Mr. Benny's store the day we start our story, easily explained by the cries of the news boys on the neighboring streets. Extra! Extra! A message from the store! Mr. Benny found a baby boy when he came home from work. He's proudly handing out cigars and boasting he will be the father of a president in 1983. The father of a president in 1980. As Jack remembers only too well, his father's predominant characteristic was strictness. He was the sort of a man who regarded the raising of a youngster as stern, stern business. On the occasion of bringing his first report card home from school, we find Jack approaching his father with considerable alarm. Let me look at your report card, Jack, my boy. Jack, my boy! I am sure my heart will overflow with joy. Flow with joy! What's this? English C. Algebra D. History D. Geography F. He draws his maps in the treble cleft. Scholarship floor, department floor. Scholarship floor, department floor. I just can't do a thing with him. He won't study, won't work. I can't make him concentrate. He'll be the death of me, a bad influence, thinks of music all the time. Music floor, scholarship floor, department floor. What's this? Music, eh? Yes, Jack's main interest as a child was the violin. He hated to practice, but he loved to play, especially with his devoted grandmother for an audience. She would sit for hours in the cold parlor alone on the row of chairs that was supposed to represent the audience, while her grandson played shoal for her. He played comedian. Who was that, lady? I said he was, there was no lady. Magician. Now watch me very closely. I have nothing up my sleeve. Dancer. Dislike for practice, Jack soon attained sufficient skill to play in the junior orchestra of Waukegan, and occasionally in a real-for-sure dance orchestra in one of the neighboring towns. Then, suddenly, out of a clear blue sky, the bolt fell. Jack was expelled from high school for spending his afternoons in a Vogueville theater. He wowed our hero. The burdens of school were too much for poor Jack. He much preferred to hang around the Parisian theater, worshipping the ingenue and wondering what they paid her. He got a job as doorman so he could watch the stars emerging from this wondrous place and help them to their cars. He got in the orchestra after a bit and played violin with a ball. In the orchestra pit, Jack reveled in the imposing array of stars of that year. The Marx Brothers, Marilyn Miller, Joe Foote, Chick-Sale, all the big-time acts played there. When the theater closed some months later, the leader of the orchestra, Cora Salisbury, asked Jack to join her in a violin and piano act. He consented, and a new act was born. From Grand Opera to Ragtime, Jack Benny's apprenticeship was served in musty old theaters with a few worn pieces of scenery, a two-piece orchestra in the pit, cramped dressing room in the cellar, rats that ate the grease paint right off the shelves, but he loved it. Four years of this until a family illness brought Cora back to Waukegan, Jack's adventure was over. There was nothing for him to do but to go to work in his father's store. He waited on the customers with his mind a million miles away. Some pink and white suspenders, please, my brother needs a pair. Gosh, Eva Tangway, he's singing I Don't Care. Have you any black silk socks of size 11, please? Jolton was sensational singing Mammy on his knees. Selling men's apparel only filled young Jack with loathing. He wanted to be next to closing instead of next to clothing. Disatisfied as a salesman, Jack began to look around for a new partner. Friends told him of a great piano player in Chicago when they formed an act. Benny and Woods, ten minutes of syncopation. The act went so well that by the third season, they received an offer from one of New York's biggest agents. He not only agreed to handle them in New York, but proceeded to book them immediately into that mecca of all vaudevillians, the palace. York, York, York, York, York, York, York, York, York, York. Now every act that's ever been from Jack and Bill to Chick-a-Pin has always wanted to be in the palace. Though there are wow and kankake and getter rays and salary, their ultimate goal will always be the palace. We'll kill them in the palace. We'll slay them in the palace. We'll wow them in the palace. We'll lay them in the aisles. They'll love us in the palace. They'll cheer us in the palace. For to be second raiders, never to reach the big time. Violinist Jack Benny was one of these. He would never succeed. While it was after Jack joined the Navy that he discovered himself to be a comedian, there's nothing mysterious about it. He appeared in the Great Lakes Review and the author Dave Wolfe gave him a few lines to speak and people laughed at him, that was all. When the war ended, Jack went back to Bournville but as a single this time emphasizing comedy and using the violin just to fill out the act. Not long after that, Jack fell in love. He was wandering around the May Company in Los Angeles one day in search of a new. I beg your pardon, but where can I find men's suit? Four aisles over and three aisles down. Well, thank you. Oh, by the way, what do you sell? I sell ladies' hosiery and things. Oh, yes, I just remember that's what I need, some ladies' hosiery and things for my sister. Really? Can I help you in your selection? Definitely, here and when I buy my suit and whenever I need anything else. That's fine, that's just fine. Guess what her name was, guess what her name was. My name was Mary Marks that day that Benny bought his suit but now I'm Mary Livingston and Mrs. Benny DeBoost. Her name is Mary Livingston and Mrs. Benny DeBoost. As Mrs. Jack Benny, Mary tried hard to forget the comfortable security she'd given up for a portable existence in hotels and trains but she was pretty unhappy the first year, packing, unpacking, checking in, checking out. Whenever Jack would play a town that Mary thought was swell, she'd find a nice apartment and fix it up real well and just when she'd begin to think that they were there to stay, Jack would get a boating 1,500 miles away one day he got an offer to do a Broadway show. That's for me, said Mary, just say the word, let's go. We'll get a nice apartment near Central Park and then we'll hope and trust and pray we'll never have to move again. So Jack assumed the starring role in Carol's vanities and they were sitting pretty as pretty as you pleased but just when they had signed a lease and paid the bills they owed, the vanities closed its New York run and went out on the road. Oh, Jack turned the radio as a solution to his problem. He auditioned and auditioned and auditioned to no avail. Finally, the New York columnist Ed Sullivan invited Jack to make a guest appearance on his program. Far cry from his familiar Jalow again, these are the first words that Jack Benny ever uttered on the air. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Jack Benny talking. There will be a slight pause while you say, who cares? You know Ed, I just got in from Hollywood but I'm going back in a couple of weeks. I'm going to be in a new picture with Greta Garville. They sent me the story last week and it's a very novel idea. When the picture first opens, I'm found dead in the bathroom. It's sort of a mystery picture. I'm found in the bathtub on Wednesday night. It wasn't long before Jack had his first sponsor, Canada Drive, and that was the start of a career almost unsurpassed in radio. He had swell help at first from writer Harry Kahn, but in recent years, his authors have been Bill Morrow and Ed Beloy. And let us not forget Harry Baldwin, Jack's faithful secretary who's been with him ever since his early days in radio. Most of America listens on Sunday nights to hear the familiar strains of... J.E.L. Hello to you. J.E.L. Hello to you. You'll hear this old familiar sound on every Sunday night. When Jack Vanney comes around to make your Sabbath bride. J.E.L. Hello to you. Means half an hour of fun, that's new. He'll tell you how he killed a matter Wednesday matinee. Complain about the awful salaries that he has to take. No matter what he talks about, you're glad to hear him say, J.E.L. Hello to you. We must have music, so play, Bill. You're okay, Bill, you know the way, Bill. He murders the English language and he panics all the day. He plays the kind of music a jitterbug acclaims. And then he found out long ago you simply can't embarrass Bill Harris. We must have a singer, so sing. Danny, your fans are many, so sing, Danny. He's as irish as a chilele. Yeah, chilele. And he hits a high C daily. Yeah, daily. Whatever Jack puts on a play, the boy that plays the menace is Dennis. We must have an announcer, so sell Don. Do it well, Don. Give him Don. He weighs a cool 265, and Danny loves to kid him. It must have been those six delicious flavors that unbid him. But when they need a man to push the Maxwell up the hill, son, it's Wilson. We must have a comedian, so here's Mary. Mary, Mary, quite contrary. She reads the most outrageous poems that you have ever heard. And when she isn't doing that, she's giving Jack the bird. The one who has Jack Benny on the verge of Harry carry is Mary. We must have a butler, so bring on Rochester. I'm coming, boy. Bring on Rochester. He's a dusky devil, but on the level, he's really a wonderful yes man. His main concern is he'd like to learn what happened to the gas man. There's always a crowd around him asking for all the grass. Jack can marry to all the work, and he gets all the lass. The folks back in Waukegan there's a sort of testimonial. Planet a tree for Jack one day in Manor ceremonial. Now this may quite a hit with Jack, and proudly he would boast, but the poor tree died. Fred Allen says it's because the sap was on the coast. J-E-L-Hello to you. J-E-L-Hello to you. When Jack does his programs away from home, you may have heard him say just before signing off? Good night, Joe. Joe is his baby girl, and Jack carries her picture and brags about her just like any proud father. And so on his 10th anniversary in radio, we pay tribute to a man who has consistently topped the list of radio comedians. A man who has made the world laugh and laughs at the world. A man who still remembers the friends he made on the way up. Comedian, star maker, and good fellow. Jack Benny. Jack Benny. Jack Benny. Jack Benny. To NBC and you, Ken Carpenter, and to Gordon Jenkins for a swell job of directing, and thanks to all the others who participated. Really was a thrill, and I got a big kick out of it. I'm sure my cast did, too. Here's a dessert, ladies and gentlemen, a really swell dessert that will please the eye and tease the taste. It's a grand springtime delight called jello cubes with strawberries, and what a rich, enjoyable treat it is. Full of tempting, tantalizing flavor, and one of the most colorful desserts you've ever seen. It's easy to make, too. Simply prepare one package of orange jello as you usually do. Turn into a shallow pan and chill until firm. Next, cut into small cubes and arrange in sherbet glasses with sweetened sliced strawberries. Then serve, either plain or with cream, and watch the whole family smile approval. For beguiling flavor, for sheer attractiveness, and for easy, inexpensive preparation, this new dessert hits a new high. So try it soon. And see if you've ever tasted anything more delicious than sweet, juicy red strawberries mingled with tiny shimmering cubes of golden orange jello. This is the last number of the 30-second program in the current jello series, and we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. This has been a pretty hectic week for me, ladies and gentlemen. I have so many people to thank, I don't know where to begin. However, I would like to express my gratitude to those who appeared on the NBC program Friday night. Claudette Colbert, Herbert Marshall, The Quiz Kids, Eddie Cantor, Ed Sullivan, Oli Olson, Ed Thorgeson, and Aloys Heverella. Thanks a million. Well, Mary, I'm pretty tired. I think I'll go home. Where's my hat? I threw it away. It doesn't fit you anymore. Oh, yes. Good night, folks. Hey, for the services of Gordon Jenkins this evening. Everybody loves a grand dessert and featured on many dinner tables these days are jello. Wait a minute, Frank Bingman. Are jello? Don't you mean is jello? Well, you didn't let me finish. What I was going to say was featured on many dinner tables these days are jello puddings. Jello, you know, is a delicious gelatin dessert and jello puddings are rich, luscious puddings as smooth as cream and simply unrivaled from mellow melt-in-the-mouth flavor. So whenever you order jello puddings, in all three flavors, chocolate, vanilla and butterscotch, jello puddings are really swell. This is the National Broadcasting Company.