 why the Narcissist has to hurt you. There is something within the Narcissist that hurts so much that they have to hurt you. They may have developed a false self which is meant to be powerful and attractive, worthy of admiration and praise, but their true inner self, which they have disowned, is constantly coming to the surface and reminding them of their true feelings of them not being enough. The Narcissist has a very weak ego which has been overtaken by their super ego. This sadistic super ego is constantly judging them, making negative evaluations and criticisms. These cruel repeated comments echo throughout the Narcissist's mind, criticising them for failing to achieve unattainable ideals and goals. So while the Narcissist has created a false self that is meant to have an exaggerated sense of abilities and importance, the Narcissist's super ego is constantly reminding them and criticising them for failing to achieve these unattainable ideals and goals. This is what creates the Narcissist's obsessive need for Narcissist supply. They expect and may even demand for you to validate their false self and their illusions. Often to a unrealistic or impossible standard, they have to feel as though they are entitled over everyone else. They have to feel as though they are significant, important, powerful, attractive, worthy of admiration and praise. They expect you to always be focusing on them and fulfilling their needs, often to a point where you will begin to neglect your own needs. You may end up giving up your energy and resources, which are meant to replenish you. To them, this can drain you to the point where you have difficulty performing. You have difficulty accomplishing or fulfilling an action, task or function for the Narcissist. The Narcissist cannot acknowledge or consider that they have drained you of your energy and resources and that is why you have difficulty performing. That would suggest that there is a fault or deficiency within them. Without constant attention and having their needs fulfilled, they don't feel significant, important, powerful or attractive. They begin to feel worthless and insignificant. They cannot acknowledge or accept these internal negative evaluations and criticisms. That is too painful for them to deal with. Instead, they have developed a coping mechanism or a defence mechanism against these feelings of worthlessness and insignificance, where they will project them outwards onto you. Now you are the one who is worthless. You are the one who is inadequate. You are the one who is insignificant, unimportant, powerless or unattractive. You are the one who is not worthy of love, acceptance, admiration or praise and for not acknowledging or validating their false self or not constantly trying to fulfill their needs. In the narcissist mind, you have attacked them. They don't take responsibility for their emotional wounds. They don't respond to the best of their ability to deal with them. Instead, they shift the blame onto you and assume that you are responsible for how they feel regardless of whether you have done anything to them or not. You are an extension of their ego. You are a tool which they use to self-medicate to save them from their inner destruction. If you cannot do this, then the narcissist inner wounds are your fault. You deserve to be punished and the narcissist will express their full anger and frustration of the trauma that they are currently experiencing. Sharing their anger and frustration with you does provide them with some temporary relief. It regulates their emotions and boosts their self-esteem but nothing is ever resolved internally which is why they endlessly experience the same trauma and behaviour. It is also an attempt for them to train you to do something in a controlled and habitual way that serves them. It's where they are trying to groom you. They will train you for a particular purpose or activity which will benefit or favour them. Punishing you also makes them feel as though they are something significant or important to you. It makes them feel powerful and superior. When they see you expressing feelings of pain and distress it regulates their emotions and makes them feel above you. In their minds, if you are experiencing those emotions that means that you are the one with the problem. You are the inadequate one. The narcissist targeted you because they believed that you were a great narcissistic supply. They idealised you and put you on a pedestal. They felt convinced that you were going to save them that you were going to give them the self-medication that they need. They created this fantasy world and idealised you. Once they witnessed a flaw or imperfection a fault or mistake the fantasy begins to wear off. A normal healthy relationship is one where two people should co-operate and work together. But the narcissist expects you to serve them and fulfil their needs without any reciprocation. Once the narcissist realises that you cannot meet their impossible expectations they begin hating you for not being the self-medication object that they expected you to be. They allocated this duty or purpose for you. They expected you to withstand the wear, pressure or damage. And when time revealed that you were not the long-lasting indestructible self-medication object that they expected you to be they begin to hate and resent you. They begin to feel bitterness and may even hold a grudge against you because in their minds you were meant to save them from themselves. You were meant to save them from their own inner destruction. Of course this is impossible for anyone to do. We have to take responsibility for our own emotional wounds if we wish to heal them. But this really was what the narcissist expected you to do and when you couldn't meet this impossible expectation or standard they began to hate you. They began to devalue you and blame you and then they go off to find someone else who is full of energy and doesn't know what they're about. Someone who is going to be more susceptible to their manipulation to do the same thing all over again. They never loved you. They never cared about you and that's why it was so easy for them to move on because all they ever cared about was narcissistic supply. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.