 why 254? imagine i am glad that you are here with me i am glad that you are here with me i am glad that you are here with me can i hear some noise in the studio to fadali? so welcome back to the power talk show with me Dominic it's another Wednesday and today it's an amazing show the audience is back and a couple of my one of my favorite couples are back Mr and Mrs Barry Lytissie and we'll be talking about the risk of love today and i have asked you to text in or to go to our social media pages Instagram, Twitter, Instagram and Facebook sorry and comment on the post that's there concerning today's topic so the risk of love and therefore we're gonna start right off it's good to have you back how have you been? alright so welcome back it's good to have you back my first question and i wrote this question because i was really interested you got married immediately after you finish your university like you know our audience is from the university so they need first of all to know that by the time you're finishing your fourth year you had planned about your marriage right? almost almost like you are like sure that is what you want okay how did marriage change you? let me start with you Mrs Lytissie it changed me a whole lot i think because we're not really told what happens when you get into marriage or maybe if you're told we don't listen but you have to have a totally different perspective when you're getting into marriage you have to stop being a baby start acting like a woman can you all agree she looks good? yeah she is thank you this is praise to you there's an extra mic there for you so now one of the things that's curious for me Mr Barry so many of us especially men the idea of settling down seems daunting why? why is it so difficult to be committed or in your opinion for men and why was it so easy for you to say you know what i've finished the university i'm ready for it i think i'm still hanging out with some of my friends maybe who are with them in campus they haven't married yet and sometimes when you meet them you're hanging out with them the way we talk about things is very different for me i know at the back of my mind i have people who depend on me sometimes i have to make plans for them but for them sometimes being a bachelor most of my friends i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know but for me it's different i have to know what family eat in the evening and those kind of things it's a good thing because i think it makes you responsible no no no it makes you responsible that's the word sometimes when you stay like that much of life sometimes make people become responsible because your focus is on whatever you have to think ahead absolutely Emily is there Mr. Perfect no never soulmate yes do you have some friends who are still waiting for Mr. Perfect that you schooled with yes i do what would you tell them there's no perfect being the only perfect being is God yes what you have to do actually is know how much you can tolerate in a person because any person you'll find they'll always have something imperfect about them so you have to figure out how much imperfect can you tolerate so just like though you're imperfect the other person could be imperfect too now but at the same time as you are saying you need to understand what is the level of imperfection that you can tolerate what is the one thing about Barry that made you say okay this is the level of imperfection that i want i think i'd focus on what i saw that i loved which is the fact that he loved God and for any relationship for any marriage without God it's not possible we can lie to ourselves but it's not possible but if both of you have a foundation in faith then you can agree you can learn to compromise and you can disagree and what's the biggest in terms of this therefore what do you think is the biggest lie that many young people have come to accept as a truth that prevents them from settling down from risking to love Barry okay this one time our friend a couple was getting married and i remember when they were just going to the church the kind of car they were into that open or whatever so some conductor just saw them passing by and he was like yeah yeah yeah i think there's that thing that people discuss and that's what guys get to hear and what we've come to learn is that it's the two of you to make it work it can be one of you who gives much than the other it has to be the two of you combined you make your marriage work and he was saying so he was like are you married he said yes what would you tell young men today don't get married but i don't know if you saw that clip it was like the first thing he said like a warning like you don't know what you're getting yourself into now to this point let's see do you believe marriage is 50-50 or 100-100 100-100 it's not 50-50 not 50-50 it can't work it's never worked the thing is getting back to your question is that most people think marriage is easy but it's a lot of work and they don't want to put in that work so that's why they would prefer to stay away but it's a lot of work and you have to put in 100 and trust that your partner will also put in 100 absolutely i want to ask you a rather sensitive question but feel free to to interfere in this question now you many couples or many young people today who want to go into marriage they have already gone through this thing called of making babies making love they have already had sex basically how do i ask this question exactly you are Christians Catholics for that matter not just so in your perspective do you think it is wise to give up the cookie before you get married looking back what you know as Christians truthfully our audience is made up of majority ladies only one gentleman speaking as a man for me i used to believe that that is me now before you drive any car you go to test drive a priest sit down i will tell you life is not about that as we have to go to the right way before you get married we sumbuwanad so much you sumbuwanad you sumbuwanad i am trying to be polite as a man i understand but at the end of the day at the end of the day you go to enjoy at the end of the day at the right time sex is good sex is sweet there is no point in rushing it you are going to be together for 50 70 hundred years it is eternity he was referring to you that lady who said i think so who said no until you are actually and since it was the one i know us yes you know some serious business right there unisaving and as you said now you have come to enjoy it i enjoy you as a couple because you lost your first child and you hung on it was a trying moment and now there is a daughter congratulations how is she she is awesome she is a beautiful girl she brings joy in our lives as i say after 9 months of carrying her then she turns out to be like that i am really sorry to hear that she turned out like the dad yes a lot actually she is typically her dad just looks like me a bit i think but character wise yes the dad thank god she looks like you so now i am going to ask Masanga to take the mic and give it to the audience as i ask this final question so that you can maybe the audience can ask a question or two now let me ask you Mrs. Leteci what is the beautiful thing about marriage if you want to sell marriage how would you sell it i mean what is the one thing you tell a young like here they are now you are pitching and you are telling them ladies and gentlemen marriage is beautiful imagine yourself as a sales and marketing lady you are a market right now and you are selling marriage go for it do you want to start i think the most beautiful thing about marriage is that you allow yourself to be vulnerable and you trust that no matter how vulnerable you are the person still loves you it's like an incarnation of the love between you and god now you see it through your spouse yes you have a strong spiritual view of it what do you think how would you to guys so many of us guys who are very cynical about marriage how would you tell guys look just because you can go and eat and you can run your own program marriage is beautiful because of one two three you can risk loving because of one two three okay all i can say is that life people talk about life not being easy but we are the ones who make it be like so and i always say if there is a travel you have to share your happiness there is that joy when you share together there is that joy it's about problems dealing with problems again you don't have to do it alone the two of you of course you have the problem if you have to do that for the rest of your life with a person whom you believe in for me i would say it's worth it it's worth risking it honestly that person why not just go for it enjoy life together solve your problems together as well absolutely as a psychologist actually there's a lot of evidence that shows that men who are married suffer less heart attacks than those who are actually unmarried and that they are more healthy and all so there's a lot of and actually poverty runs those who are married so these are statistics so they are good things majority are real let's now go to the audience i don't know do you have a question anybody else just say your name where you are schooling at and then ask your question i'm Rispa Morugi are you a single? alright i'm schooling at the cooperative university of Kenya so my question is about age so most couples most people who are married the man is older than the woman but in rare cases the lady is older so i wonder can age mates marry can age mates marry okay it's coming back to you wait a minute let's go to the second question so you can be thinking at the cooperative university of Kenya passing public relations and advertising okay have a question how do you know that a relationship is mature enough for marriage let me tell you i won't give it up for them give it up for them those questions are well cooked remember the first question can age mates marry and two can even the lady be older alright so i will talk about the age i will talk about the age your maturity for me what i want to say is i'll make it broader guys go for the complexion guys go for the height i want for a man who is financially stable tall dark you know those kind of things i will say you don't marry height you don't marry complexion you don't marry the age you marry the person so for me it's about the person that's what matters these other things are temporary the height, the complexion guys can do those plastic surgery they look wherever so the age for me i would say it doesn't matter for me it's look at the person of course you know you can't marry somebody who is 16 years let's give an example of the president of France the difference between the president and his wife is almost 25, 26 years so actually the president the president's wife was his primary school teacher so the president of France what's your take on that let me throw that in that way for me i would say this i go back to what i said earlier it's for the two of you to make it work it's for the two of you to make it work regardless of the age it's the two of you to make it work regardless whether the man is older than you or even older than the man but for me i would suggest that it's the two of you to make it work what do you think i think i disagree with him a bit just a bit i think some differences could be too extreme like that one but what he says what if it works well if it works good for you okay yes yes yes so for you that would be okay so just to answer you from my perspective in the sense emotionally women tend to after puberty that is the age of 11 12 women mature two years faster than men so that's why oftentimes over history men were always older than the women because also the maturity rate means that oftentimes women might find boys who are their age mates to be a little low in their reasoning or in their emotional capacity for union so that's why it has always been like that but to build on what he said it depends on you on how you make the relationship work you can have the perfect age difference see you are two idiots sorry so that is not so then the next question the next question is how do you know that a marriage is mature enough i mean a relationship is mature enough to be a marriage that's a really tough question if you know you know if you know you know i don't know or i don't think this is a specific time that you realize this is it this relationship is mature i think it happens over a period of maybe months or days or years when you start seeing that this is a person you can actually spend the rest of your life with when you start seeing their weaknesses and realize that this i can't tolerate and i think the thing is you're ready let's use your example at what point did you say i am okay with Barry being my husband when he proposed when he proposed but you said yes so that means there is something that in him that you had seen and said okay this is it if he ever proposes i'm saying yes i'm going to tell him hey i want to be your wife what did you ask so what is that point that made you say if he proposes i'm going to say yes and that which made you say yes actually love the love that he showed me over time i i ran away from him for quite a long time he was persistent i even left Nairobi to china he went there to think and he kept following me so many persistence works yes yes the fact that the love was consistent and he he presented himself as a person who knew what he wanted in life he wasn't confused he knew what he wanted yes what's your take on that question at what point did you realize that Emily Wanjiko is going to be Mrs Barry and i'm comfortable with that as we close it up as we close it up once okay we will approach that as i answer the question that i had actually is that take time to build your relationship the foundation is what matters if ever you go towards marriage i will say that take a lot of time before you decide to go to the next step it's normally doesn't look really good when you start discovering things after getting married already it might be disastrous so you say don't meet somebody tomorrow in church then say i want to marry this guy no it takes time know that person you really need to know each other hang out those kind of things until you know the highs and the lows for me on her side that i realized we used to be friends since she came to campus we used to have our own any whatever being campus we had to experience life for me i used to i'm seeing what i do currently i also do it in campus so it's very popular so it's to do with ladies and stuff all kind of things i could get i want those kind of things that was my life but i will never allow any women to come and talk to me or whatever those kind of guys but there's this one lady who came to me and the day she just advised me you know those kind of things and i realized by the way every time is moving i have to change that kind of thing from then of course it took like another 2 years no we had to hang out all those kind of things until then i said no i think she's the one then of course once i decided and they did that give it up to mr and mrs berry and here you are you know so just to on that second part again i'm responding again from the point of view as a psychologist so statistically they give an average an average number of years 3 years for courtship for most of the marriages that are successful the people who caught for at least 3 years before they get married tend to have very successful marriages and number 2 friendship is the biggest predictor for a successful marriage as he mentioned so friendship is the biggest predictor and friendship can be stopped or by kukatiana you show your best self then after the feelings go then you start to see the devil that was hidden and most of the time at this time you already had sex which again prevents you from seeing the devil clearly and then you commit to the devil and you have 50 years of hell so i just wanted to point out that part so we're gonna take a break right now i hope you're enjoying this show i want to thank you to thank my guest today mr and mrs berry who have been here on the first part you're gonna come on the second part and right now we're gonna take a break and the second couple the bride the girlfriend okay the better half that one she wanna sing for us she's gonna perform and so i'm gonna take a break right now mr and mrs carry or witty and we're having mrs kathryn bina starting us off with a song so let's go pianist please please come come welcome back to the show i've got mr and mrs carry or witty and as you had where mrs or witty you can sing you're welcome hey does he sing i let him answer that yes i wanted you to answer that question for him he writes you sing but he talks a lot that's how he boxed you welcome it's nice to have you thank you it's nice to be back you're looking great come on wow who chose who's dress because you're like even mr and mrs carry is like you you knew that it's gonna be matching outfits today like i don't know i think because we're friends with very in wife i think we've been friends for so long that we even think i like that's actually for sure actually people don't know maybe viewers might not know even the audience both of you from the University of Nairobi was it the same year yes but but myself and very his wife we gradated a year later and these guys were behind yes right oh a year before i should have been behind should have made fun of them mr carry i asked this mr and mrs carry a question you were a student before you got married and now has it made you a better man how has it changed you as a man yes i have to think i think it has in more ways than one because looking back at how i was three four years ago and how i am right now there's some level of first of all maturity there's some attitude change in me and then there's just the thought of having to think of someone else other than myself that will always be there for me and that really changes someone that really changes you i'm gonna post for a while and i'm gonna talk to the audience to the viewers at home so please go to our facebook page there is the post of today's conversation and then you can comment ask a question or suggestion on our facebook page so please do go there and be part of this conversation so why two five four facebook, instagram, twitter comment on the topic you're having today on the risk of love as we continue so read out in the comments that you posted so it's good to have you back now listen you marry this man here audience is 99% ladies ok a lady is asking a question to you maybe is posing in the question why did you marry him and what is one thing that i should look for if a lady was to ask you that made you marry Mr. Kerry first of all i'll say do not look because people simple like in a rush to look for love to find this person but i always tell people that if you look you will find but you may not find the right person let it just come naturally for us i think it just came naturally but before we got married of course there was a long process because we had to get through the infatuation phase knowing each other like is he the right person feel like giving up and even i remember just before our engagement i was not sure i even expressed my fears to him that i don't know if you're the right person oh man pause there for a while how did you feel man after that how many years of dating five years and then she's like dude i'm seeing you right now how do you feel i was not worried really like you were that sure yes some of these things should not worry someone we had been dating for five years we had been steady all along and you see cold feet like when you when you want to get to a class that you've never entered you're not really sure if you should enter because you don't know what will happen or what you learned there that was it so you're kind of sure like i know she's just having cold feet but these cold feet they're already in the box yes and the fact that again we were doing for some just prior to that we were doing we were cutting long distance it was bound to happen some of these feelings were bound to come up now i'm actually going to come back to that part where long distance relationship work i'm going to ask you so think about it you were explaining something before i cut you oh yeah about that and i think we prayed over it and then i just woke up one day and i was like i'm actually ready we felt ready for it we didn't force ourselves we felt ready we felt it one curious thing about your relationship right matchmaker there was a matchmaker right and we talked about this during our last show when you came here that someone looked at you and said you know you guys are good for each other can you tell us tell me a little bit about how she actually noticed some spark because she was my friend she noticed that there was something between us she said she said just i don't know if it's bullying or i was like no no no you are bullying into a relationship but you know when you like someone and there is someone outside noticing you are very happy your heart is jumping actually someone is noticing so there is something so we were actually happy because someone has actually noticed someone you value had noticed that there is something but we had felt it ourselves before then but in some cases yeah there is much making and it works it may work it may not work would you take the risk of proposing a gentleman to a lady that you're close to you like this is a good guy for you i wouldn't because if it fails then i'm in trouble you're in trouble yeah okay now i'm coming back to you would you no unless for advice you see like ours we had already known each other we were already seeing each other we were talking to each other so she just noticed something that was there that was developing at a slower pace she just acted as a catalyst so that it goes a bit faster but much making in the essence of it two strangers you would not do it but now five years of dating how many years of marriage now you have a hook or she will now end up she is the one who keeps the records definitely is the woman who keeps the records three and a half now how many years of marriage waiting upon the lord at the right time no pressure absolutely i appreciate that and the fact that you are willing to actually wait for it and say let's first of all go for some goals and dream okay i'm told there are some comments on our facebook page and i'm gonna read that out so here we've got callings and diwa it's a brilliant show watching from kitale say hi to all the fielder that must be someone in the audience tomorrow's valentine's is at kitale yunis kaseba love it then we've got prince ladis shown zuri sana asante sana ladis kutoka palipote and then we have gideon saying i'm following the conversation from rangue my quiz is for how long should the couples date each other before they get to marry each other alright there you are actually we can actually talk about that so that question then we've got kitty melody hashtag there okay i don't know how that works okay hashtag the part talk show yeah marriage is a beautiful thing when one is married to the right person and where there is true love absolutely thank you so much kitty melody so that question who wants to answer it let me first comment on the tweet on the facebook the right person oh wait wait wait wait wait there is sherry harry love the show okay thank you so much then we've got trufena memo watching from eddie should be eldie i guess eldoret i don't know what that donald trump i wanted to comment on first of all about the right person on this side there is no right person you have to make your right person because marriage as in love you always it's a constant battle it's a constant fight to stay in love to keep love and to always say as to the vows that you've made do you think people are afraid of that work probably yeah probably it's i don't think it's really the fear the work as such but it's a crisis of role models absolutely in the society because when you look left right and center it's all about this has happened married people have fought over chapatti oh yeah that's for real someone is in hospital because she cooked the wrong chapatti what happened by the way you have heard the story do you know what happens actually now i'm curious i heard that it was on the news but it's i think it's not the chapatti there must be something that triggered the chapatti you have issues then you sleep over issues you don't talk about issues then a small thing like chapatti or toothbrush will send you to hospital when i was growing up chapatti was in a kaliwa so about the amount of time for dating well hours took longer yeah our friends before us took shorter than us so it's not really a question of the amount of time but it's the work you put in the time that you have the quality yes the quality that is there because you have to move from dating then to courting dating is where now the infatuation ends where lovers are feeling dies down and now you have to do work as a choice and as a choice and this is where now you now start to see the devil in him and you start to see whether this is a devil that you're willing to live with yes this is my kind of devil and it really doesn't have a time stamp okay all right now coming back to you there's something he mentioned about it doesn't really matter what matters is the quality and you reached a point and you said Mr. Curry is the man that I want to marry now it has been three years into it and I'm sure you'd make the same choice again of course she wouldn't say anything now again you are ladies so I'm more keen on talking to you because the ladies are the ones who get pregnant in the case you know you are the ones who are left with the kids how important is it for you to start you are living together married and not simply come we stay sorry how important is it was it for you to start your union as a marriage solemnized marriage okay then you followed the toothbrush then finally so how important is it was it for you was it important enough for you to advise someone to start that way okay I think I've been the person who is always like no less I need to do the right thing come we stay of course once in a while you will visit each other but it's advisable to just to avoid temptations and all that Barry and Emily about sex before marriage and my friends in a post day normally say that avoiding the temptation is more important because when you get to that room together you don't know if you'll be able to control yourself emotions and all that however there are people who can control themselves if you can well and good very rare speech today's reading today's I think it's a gospel when you're talking about today's reading Catholic Church Jesus said that whatever comes out is what matters what goes in doesn't matter so it's your actions it's the outcome of that if it's leading you to sin then do not do it but would you still advise someone where we that's what I always advise people because it's better to avoid the temptation it's better to avoid the temptation after all before you get to marriage you know what is expected of you and if you've not someone for quite some time you know each other so you don't need to actually live together know each other unless someone has some skeletons hidden so it's not advisable it's not advisable and maybe just to maybe touch on one thing that that is really destroying relationships nowadays and I've had it in salons in discussions out here that oh you know nowadays you have to live with this you know a man must have a side cheek or something you as the lady as long as he respects you he doesn't take the lady to the club he takes you there's no problem but you know I find myself arguing alone because I don't know how we've gotten to that situation that we can allow we can accept some things to happen when marriage was made for two people and it's a sacred thing absolutely I love your view of that Kerry before now maybe I'm going to ask you to give your mic so that maybe you can you can have a question or two in the meantime I'll ask you Masanga maybe you can take the mic in the meantime Mr. Perfect you talked about he talked about a long distance relationship and I said I'm going to come back to that and I get this question a lot and I'm going to ask you long distance relationships and what is one thing that makes it work as we give it to the audience I think what made mine work was the fact that it did not begin as a long distance relationship so my advice my advice on it will be much as you're dating long distance but that physical presence is as important as any other thing absolutely once in a while you need to see each other you might be dating someone who has some issues and you don't know you fall in love with someone you think is complete complete all the way so much as you're dating long distance you need to have that constant physical presence between the two of you otherwise the time the distance might destroy absolutely I'm going to give a question to one person or two at most because of the time that I'm told our time is running out so one, two, chab chab short question let's go my name is Zellifah Anjagi I studied the Cooperative University of Kenya and so you've said that you went through a lot of challenges before you even got married how did you know that I'm not supposed to let go of this person and this person is worth fighting for before you even got married okay next question a quick brief one let's go my name is Ami Singota from Cooperative University taking public relations and advertising my question is majorly directed to the guy so of course you'll find prettier girls than her or ladies already you've seen prettier girls than her and the lady you've seen of course maybe I won't say better or cuter guys than him so how is it that you reached a point that you say now this is the one for me this is the lady I want to settle with or is it that spark that said that according to your friend that you say and have you reached a point where you thought is that you want to give up on each other okay wow I think that question actually is for for both of you please give them a clap for those who have asked the question that question is I think is for both of you you can see a handsome guy out there but let's me first of all read these comments and then we can briefly answer those questions Milka Wairemo I love the show my quiz is how do you keep a long distance relationship alive but he has already mentioned he has already responded to that I love the show this is Bremo from this is Bremo from Naivasha well Godfrey Ndungu our some conversation watching from Nakuru next Vegas marriage itself is a beautiful thing I'm also in a relationship with a girl whom we are in the same school for two years and now planning for marriage make some noise for Godfrey Ndungu then we have Isaac Spice