 You can't be an enabler and a martyr at the same time. You can't enable someone's laziness or someone's co-dependence or someone's poor choices or bad behavior and then play the martyr when you are picking up the pieces of the fallout from that. When you are an enabler you forfeit the right to complain about fallouts that you enabled. This came up in conversation with someone the other day and it occurred to that they were trying to be both at the same time. It also occurred to me that we all have versions of this. I saw myself in this person in different areas of my life where you enabled something and then you complain about what that creates. Then you play the martyr about picking up the pieces of what you enabled to happen. So you have to decide you're either going to be an enabler, I keep quiet and you don't get to play the martyr or you change the game.