 Are you looking to enforce your values with a man? If I think about the term enforce, that sounds rather violent, if you will, but I think it's really more about which men will step up to the plate versus which ones that will not. And I wanna be candid with everyone. I actually saw a video from R.C. Blake's earlier this morning, and I'm basically borrowing his title and sharing my perspective on something he said because it really warrants a deeper discussion. And so, I didn't watch the entire video. I will say this. The way he described enforcing someone's values, and really it's not about enforcing your values, it's really more about deciding what your non-negotiables are. What's your non-negotiables? And he uses the example of Rolex watches, Rolls Royce. I actually prefer to use the example of Christian Louboutin shoes. Nick, those are the ones with the red bottom. So what he was relating to with these items that these are very high-end products, very high-end products. And the companies who sell these products do not negotiate on the price. In other words, their price is fixed. Ironically, I do own a Rolex. This was a gift from my mother almost 40 years ago. No, excuse me, 35 years ago. Back when you could get one. This was $900 versus today, I'd have to buy the same one would be 4,000. Shows you the price of the dollar, how it's changed. But a Rolex, a Rolls Royce, or even Christian Louboutin shoes are high-ticket items that the companies, as I said, do not discount their prices. Now, maybe they do on occasion, but for the most part, you pay retail for these prices. And I believe the correlation he makes is when you set your standards to, it doesn't have to be the word high. It's not about sending your standards high. It's not about being overpriced. But if you think about it, people that afford these products, it's not overpriced to them. They're not pricing themselves out in the marketplace. In fact, RC goes on to say that during COVID, you would think high-ticket items would have taken a nosedive and actually high-ticket items did better during COVID. Because usually people that are in the lower income brackets are looking for the deal, so to speak, but in the higher value brackets, they're not looking for a deal. And so he correlates this to women in relationship. And I think there's some validity to that. It's not about setting your standards so high that nobody can reach them. It's about establishing what your standard is. What is your standard? And yet sadly, I witnessed so many women who compromise their boundaries, that compromise their standards. They accept such crumbs in relationships. And they're basically compromising on their non-negotiables habitually. In fact, I was reading the comments earlier today from some of my videos. And I wanna share something with you. It saddens me to see or to read, excuse me, how many deeply wounded people are? How many, I mean, there is just a plethora of deeply wounded people. And predominantly it's women who comment. So now when I use the term deeply wounded, I'm not saying that as a criticism. I'm not saying that as a victim shaming. What I'm here to say is through their comments, they're exposing their deep pain, most likely unaware that they are actually wounded themselves. Or more so that they come from a place of victim consciousness, as if the men that they've been in their lives, okay? And by the way, I did an interesting survey recently. I did a survey of how many people have had one significant relationship, two significant relationships, three significant relationships, four, five, or more so, significant relationships. And it was interesting across the board. The average was 25% had one significant relationship, 25% had two significant relationships, 25% had three, and 25% had four to six, okay? And there were just a small percentage. I mean, these weren't the exact percentages I gave you. And there was a small percentage of women who had seven or more significant relationships. And I put a significant as being in a one-year relationship. Now, I didn't include zero relationships. And we can explore that another day. But why am I bringing this up? I want you to think about it. Most of it, let's just say the average of these numbers is two and a half, three. In many cases, all it took was one, two, or three men. To almost permanently wound a person into being almost so negative about men in general, that they become bitter, jaded, and often actually probably have regressed to a place where they're not actually attracting the kind of high value man that they seek. And when I mean by high value, I mean a man that's aligned to who you are and what you want. So when you think about it, being wounded, most likely puts many of these women who are actively dating in circumstances where they compromise their boundaries. They compromise themselves. They accept crumbs and it's no wonder we're experiencing so much pain out there. So you might be saying, well, Jonathan, aren't the men to blame for all of this? Well, because if it sounds like I'm blaming women, which I am not, women are culpable in their own right. And men are culpable in their own right. And I think part of the problem today is that women haven't established their standards. And more importantly, they're rather clueless to the intentions of romantic encounters. I repeat that, the intentions of romantic encounters. I believe that in many cases, women have a delusional fantasy that men will show up seeking the exact same thing that they do, okay? When a man says, I want a relationship, okay? That word is so loaded that until you actually dig underneath, and this is part of your standard to dig as to what that really means, I think that's establishing, that will be enforcing your value when you actually can drill down to what it means. So let me give you some examples. Today's romantic interactions, one of the most popular ones is people are hooking up. Certainly the younger generation, the 20 and 30-year-olds, they're significantly hooking up. Unlike my ex-wife and I met, I mean, I believe she only had maybe one or two other people in her life, she'd been intimate in with, and I believe the average young person today might have had at least 20 sexual partners. I'm not saying that as a fact, I'm just regurgitating what I'd heard on several other podcasts. Now, by the way, free will, no judgment here, but what that might have done for many of them is cause them to actually distrust men more so because they're operating from a hookup perspective, and certainly for those in our demographic, the midlife demographic, hooking up is prevalent. And I know my audience are those that seek some sort of significant relationship. The next most common relationship out there, and these are all relationships, even a hooking up is a short-lived relationship, friends with benefits, friends with benefits. These are people who are friendly with each other who have sex and they might actually like one another. So that's another prevalent relationship. The next kind of relationship that's most prevalent are the situationships. These are the undefined relationships where there's been no discussion of monogamy or exclusivity. No discussion of monogamy or exclusivity. That's a prevalent relationship today. The next one is casual relationships. These are the ones where monogamy and exclusivity have been discussed, but there's really no plan on taking it from casual to something more significant. In fact, we find that men operate in this bracket significantly. Well, they operate in all four of those brackets I just mentioned. I think the reason why a lot of men operate in this bracket, I think it's important if you haven't seen my chart on the three types of people actively dating, and by the way, right here in the bottom, this is an opinion, not a fact. I want you to look at the top. It says users, spenders and growers, please forgive the shine. Users, they seek short-term game, love bombers, players, gold diggers, entitled, selfish people, only care about their own needs. And women operate as users as well. The next is the grower and builders over here. Roughly represents about 20% of the population. These seek long-term commitment. They're emotionally grown up, good of relationship skills, and they have their act together, but the vast majority of men, predominantly men in this dating pool are spenders. They seek occasional companionship, occasional connection, occasional sex, no direction, uncertain, fearful, they have a dysfunctional life. Why am I bringing this up? Because a spender can actually go into the direction of a grower, believe it or not. Women come to me all the time for coaching advice. Is the man I'm with who's a spender capable of being a grower? And the answer is yes, because anything is possible, okay? Because a grower, those are the people that seek a serious relationship. They talk about commitment, they talk about a future, they integrate you into their lives. They have a mutual investment of efforts. There's partnership qualities that could lead to either living together or getting married. A spender can move into that category. Something significant has to happen for the spender to move into a grower, and that is. I'm gonna talk about emotional maturity real quickly in relationship skills. Here's another chart. Emotional maturity relationship skills. By the way, this is not a fact, this is an opinion. I believe roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues, clinical issues. You guys talk about it all the time, the narcissist, the sociopaths, the bipolar people, the passive aggressive people, you talk about it frequently. Those are clinical issues. Next is the healthy people. I believe it's probably only 20% of the population. And I'm being ridiculously generous when I say that. And I'm talking about men and women alike because the vast majority of people have dysfunctional emotional maturity and relationship skills. So, all right, now we're armed with all this information. And this is purely for conversation. This isn't the statement of facts. And that is the following. If the vast majority of men and women are users or spenders and if the vast majority of men and women have clinical issues or dysfunctional emotional maturity and relationship skills, there's really only one way to shift from a spender to a grower. And that requires a person to look inward. To look inward. And say, what is causing me pain in my life and how can I overcome this? What is causing me not to have inner peace in my life? Now, folks, I just wanna share something with you. I don't care how ridiculously confident an alpha male a man is. The number one emotional health issue facing almost every human being is I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, I'm not likable. And when I use the alpha male, think of all the celebrities who are financially set and people like Anthony Bourdain. I think of like so many other celebrities who have either taken their own lives or caused their lives to be ruined because they were in such emotional pain. So guess what? It doesn't matter how much money a person makes, how high status they are, even if they're a celebrity, most every human being. And I don't care how much a person thinks they have their shit together. It's suffering on the inside of I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, I'm not likable. Ladies, how many of you, if you're really being honest with me, I want you to, for those that are really honest with me today, raise your hand and say, I felt that way. I'm gonna own it, I've, listen, I wrestle with my inner demons all the time, folks. I have voices in my head. I have a roommate in my head that, you know, makes it difficult for me to have inner peace at times. This is one of the reasons why, you know, they say you teach what you need to learn. I wrote a book called, What the Heck a Self Love Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self Health and Spiritual Work. There's a link below to get a copy of my book. I wrote this book and it was actually the book, I haven't mentioned this book in a while, but The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. I wanna refer to chapter one. Read what that says. The voice inside your head. Tell me, do you have a voice inside your head that causes havoc in your life or me some distress? I know I do. And I think if my sweetheart was here, she didn't openly admit she has voices in her head. She calls it her loops. It's our monkey mind that regurgitates the same thing over and over and over again. So why am I bringing this all up and enforcing your value because it starts from within? Ladies, many of you come off as so righteous that it's the man's fault. It starts with you. It starts by working on yourself because when you show up as the best version of yourself and you show up as the best version of yourself, you become a magnetic attractor for a man who hopefully shows up as the best version of himself. And you don't need to enforce your value because you already show up with your standards, not high standards, you just have your standards, you have your non-negotiables. And when you've established your non-negotiables, you don't choose these ridiculous fucking relationships you guys choose. Oh my God, I pull my hair out sometimes as a coach. I can't believe how many of you are in relation, you're in a dynamic with the person, it's a cyber dynamic where you communicate incessantly for months and months and months. In some cases, you're giving money to a man you've never met, he comes up with excuse after excuse. And by the way, guys, you're getting swindled and guys get swindled too. There's these fake women's profiles out there, they hook these men based on the looks and the guys, I'm sorry, whether you're a man or woman, you're a loser. I know that sounds crass, but what that means is you're choosing to have someone else validate you because you're not validating yourself. And I know that sounds horrible that I say this. And I'm merely saying this and I'm yelling at the top of my lungs because I don't want any of you to fall prey to this. And if you already have, then it's time to do the inner work. If you haven't read the book, the Hoffman process, this is a deep dive into healing your childhood wounds and traumas and adult trauma. So you can show up as the best version of yourselves because the best relationship is when two people show up as the best version of themselves and they share a life together, they share a life together because they show up as the best version of themselves. And so when you fall into these traps, it's because you're not operating from the best version of yourself. You're operating from a version of lack and not from a full cup. So what's gonna change all this? What's gonna cause you to enforce your value with a man? It starts with that work for yourself. Oh, and coming back to the spenders. Okay, men or women alike, the spender can turn into a grower builder when they look in the mirror and say, I need to work on myself. I need to work on my skills. Folks, I went through this dark night of the soul. I went through the tunnel back in 2006 after my divorce, going through divorce and losing my high end corporate job and finding myself having to move in with my mother and father at age 43, 44, in a retirement community. And I used to live in a $2.2 million home. I got wiped out in the market crash of 2008. I had to move in with mom and dad. Do you know how humiliating that was? Do you know what a trainwreck I was back then, emotionally speaking? And my drug of choice for a very long time was internet dating. Do you know how many people are addicted to online dating as a way, whether it's the swipe, whether it's the physical date, whether it's just the communication with another person, there's an addiction going on. In fact, do you know what's really hard to do? Even after I met Marie, it took me a month to wean myself from that dopamine rush of swiping. Even after we met and we had been physical together, I still was so fucking addicted to it. I couldn't believe how bumble and hinge infiltrates your mind. And it was like such a need, it was like cocaine. And I talked to Marie about this, we talked about it. And I had to go cold turkey. I did the elite. What I had to do was when we fully agreed to commit, you know, like after a month and a half of together, when we really agreed to this is when I like, I have to delete the apps. It was that addictive to me. Thankfully, I have enough introspective work and coming back to, I began my journey in, you know, in 2000, really 2007, 2008. I was in the dark, I was in the tunnel. I was in the dark night of the soul for about five years after that. Five years just to get some semblance of having some relationship skills. So I went from the spender, took me, it probably took even 10 years before I could actually be in the state of a grower because I went through a contentious divorce. I went through job loss. If a man's life is dysfunctional, it could take five, 10, 15 years to go from a, you know, a user to a spender to a grower and it takes herculean work to get there. And I'm saying it's gonna take herculean work for yourself to get there as well. Anyway, listen, I think you get the gist of where I'm going. If you want to do the things to enforce your value, then it's all about establishing your standards, your non-negotiables, but more importantly, your personal development practice, your self-help practice, your spiritual practice, even therapy to shore up yourself so you can be prepared for those guys that are gonna be your, those time wasters, those spenders so you can reject them much sooner rather than later, but more importantly, become a magnetic tractor for a man who is ready to grow with you. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Post a comment below. If it did resonate, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. Hit that notification bell. All right, I think this would be a great place to take questions. For those who know my format, if you have a question, write the word question in the chat box and then post their question there after or you can purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat. All the monies from the Super Sticker Super Chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's him in the Woody outfit right there. It's my son who passed away five years ago and his honor I donate to causes like the Hoffman Process Insight Institute and Seeds of Love. And we got our first donation from Terry. Thank you so much for the $20 Super Sticker. I hope it was because I brought you value today. So thank you so much. Let's see what, so thank you so much. What does, but you made it, you made it and a new awesome you, Jonathan. Thank you so much. Leafs in the house. He's one of our regulars. Thank you for being here. All right, let's see what we got here. Let's see. She just stopped reading my books. Gotta do the inner work right back to childhood, break the setting, settling and bad familiar pattern, lots of great clinical and NARCs available to help even online. Thanks for sharing that. All right, let's see. Do you have any questions for me? Post the word question. Let's see. Jane wants to let us know this is seriously resonating. I'm so happy to hear. She jester said, jester says this is amazing as videos are amazing. I appreciate the props. You know, I gotta tell you, had a comment the other day, someone said, Jonathan allow your natural hair color. Folks, I want you to look in the camera. I don't color my hair. I do have some gray right here a little bit, but it's so funny. My younger brother went gray in his 20s and I'm a, you know, we're 30 plus years later and I've just got lucky. My, you know, I'm just one of those few people that, you know, hasn't had gray happen. But for those that keep bringing it up, I just want you to know I have never colored my hair. I have done my eyebrows sometimes when I get my hair cut. And yes, I occasionally do Photoshop. Okay, some of the photos I post have been glanced in Photoshop. Now some people say, why do that, Jonathan, be yourself? So my question is, ladies, why do you wear makeup? Why do you wear makeup? Someone answered in the box, why wear makeup? Because my same reason why you wear makeup is why I like to occasionally glance or Photoshop my pictures. Okay, when you answer yours, I'll then come back and answer mine. Okay. Foxy Philly says, you are helping me see my worth. I deleted all the dating apps, working on myself and setting standards. Exactly. Wanda's in the house. Question, having to have dental work done on myself so I can get my bottom dentures, I will feel self-conscious after they are pulled. Any advice on how to get through this? You know, I think body image, you know, is such a prevalent fear. What I mean is that we won't be accepted for who we are. Okay. And I'm sure if you saw a man who is missing his front teeth, you probably would react, right? So what would I tell a man? What would I tell you? You know, being comfortable in your own skin is a lifelong practice. And I think of my mom and my mother was, by the time I was born in the 60s, she weighed probably three, well, after I was born, she weighed 300 pounds and she was five foot five, okay? And I'm sure, you know, the eating was a result of depression. You know, I mean, not that she ever owned it. But what was interesting is my mom walked around as if she was a goddess. She walked with that air. But I remember her telling me something. It was about the time she hit late 70s. She said, I reached a point where I stopped caring about what other people think. So Wanda, you're self-conscious. That's because you care about what other people think. Do what other people think matter? I want you to read the book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. This is all unique. This is like the Bible, if you will, I think it can be a Bible of inner peace. And I'll read the four agreements. The first agreement, be impeccable with your word. Be impeccable with your word. Number two, don't take anything personally. See, when we say I don't care what other people think, it's not that, it's I won't let what other people think affect my chi. In fact, my son, and by the way, the third and fourth, the third is don't make assumptions and always do your best as a fourth. And I think of my son, Connor, who passed away. I wrote a chapter in my book. Bear with me, everyone. The chapter was, chapter five, don't let anyone fuck with your chi. You know what was amazing about Connor? He really didn't care what other people think thought about him. Now, if nothing else, he never showed it if he cared, okay? I can't say that I knew what was going on his head, but he didn't show it. I think learning to actually not, and really what it is, is it's not about care. He didn't allow anyone's opinion of him affect how he felt about himself. In other words, he didn't show that it affected him. It was like, he was like Teflon, you know? And I don't mean that there couldn't have been some inner turmoil going on inside of him. I'm merely hearing say it's not about, you don't have to let what other people might think affect how you feel about yourself. You know, I once walked outside in my underwear and I was really embarrassed, no, I'm sorry, not that. I once sharded in my pants. Does anyone know what sharded is? Very embarrassing. And I was ridiculously embarrassed. And then I just like, you know, first off, I wanted to clean the mess, you know? But what I said was, and I told my friend at the time, no, I told my wife at the time, now that I think about it, I just said, look, this just happened, you know? And she just laughed at me and she goes, yeah, shit happens. And so we went and got it clean and I changed my pants and went back to the party. I don't know what happened. It was just a fart that came out a little wet. Anyway, I could have let that devastate me and I just rolled it off my shoulder. So that's my invitation for you. By the way, I'm apologize for grossing everyone out. All right, Gloria writes, asking for a friend. Oh, I love the asking for friends. If a man's ex had an incurable STD that is not easily detectable and he says he doesn't have it, should a woman be concerned about dating him? I'm gonna presume this is hepatitis. Hepatitis now, from what I understand through medication, is almost non detectable. In fact, I'm personally aware of two people I know that had hepatitis when they were in teenagers and by the time they were in their 30s, this medication has come out now where it's almost non detectable. In other words, it's almost in trans, trans, what's it called when you, you can't trans, you can't get it from the other person. There's a word I just escapes me in the moment. Okay, so should you be concerned? You know, it's one man. I mean, if your friend, should she be concerned? Ask him about it. That's, by the way, why do so many of you have fucking duct tape over your mouth? I swear to God, so many of you walk around with duct tape. So if you need to find out, ask him about it. Could he lie? Yes. Could you ask for an STD test? Yes, and that's how you solve the problem. That's what I would tell your friend anyway. Gloria, okay, good luck with that one. Gigi wants to let us know that makeup makes me feel more comfortable. So does glancing and photoshopping. It makes me look better. And that's why I've done it. I'm gonna own it. All right, let's keep going. Gigi wants to remind that previous writer depends on what the infection is. And if it was actually infected, many STDs can be undetectable in men, but they can be infect their female partners. Again, you might want to do your research on it. I was guessing it was hepatitis C, but the only other thing I could think of is AIDS, and that's certainly something where I'd have to have some serious, if it was AIDS, I'd have some serious conversation, okay? But then again, like, look at gonorrhea and syphilis, you can take a pill for that, you can get a shot for it. I've had a number of friends who've had it, so it's not out of the realm of just getting a shot, but the more challenging ones are herpes. Herpes, you know, right now you can take Valtrex, and by the way, one-third of the population has herpes, okay? I know so many people. I've dated many women who've had herpes. Guess what? It rarely flares up. You can take Valtrex, and quite frankly, transmittable. Is that the word I was thinking of? Most guys don't care. Now, I know women care more so, I get it, but the reality is, is these days, you know, we're all carrying a bug of some sort in us, so just have a conversation. That would be my invitation for you there, okay? Because Leafs wants to remind me, because we're all conditioned to wear makeup. It used to be an expression of maturity until we figured out that we can wear it just because we like it now, and then it has nothing to do with insecurities. I don't know. I really wonder, okay, I make a challenge for everyone who wears makeup. How about not wearing makeup for a month? I think you'd come back to it. I think there is, this is my speculation. I think there is just like their feeling of like the dental work we talked about, you know, now. Because if you really didn't care about what other people think, you know, putting on makeup is a fucking pain in the ass. Some of you take half hour to an hour to put it on. Is it, does it, because it makes you feel good or is it you don't want, I'm just speculating here, okay? I'm gonna share with you, I do Photoshop and Glance because I don't like looking older. I'm just owning it. So sometimes I like to have my photos a little bit glanced, okay? Now, is that misrepresenting myself? That would be an interesting question. Well, I'm not dating any of you, so, you know, and by the way, every, every, think about everyone you see on TV is wearing heavy duty makeup on TV. So celebrities do it. So anyway, just my two cents on that, models do it. You know, they're all glammed in Photoshop. All right. Jonathan, why are there so many narcissists out there nowadays? There are everywhere. How do you deal with these people, especially in relationship? Why do you care? Okay, I'm being blunt here. The vast majority of human beings, whether they have a penis or a vagina, which isn't really saying a male or female, can be very self-centric, okay? I think there's a confusion about narcissistic personality disorder versus people who are self-centric. Yes, we are a significant population of self-centric people. Yeah, men and women alike. Ladies, you guys are no picnic either, okay? So why is that? It's a really good question. Why is that? Why are we no longer, I mean, as a generalization, a society of givers? I think we've become a society of takers. I know a gazillion women I've gone on first meets with and they only cared about their needs being met. They didn't care about my needs. I've gone on a gazillion dates where a woman didn't care about my needs. I was expected to pay. I was expected to do this. I was expected to do that. It's kind of like that. Was it that Chris Rock said unconditional love is for dogs and women, but with men, it's conditional? By the way, there are jackass men out there. So let me not, I'm going out here on a tangent here. But what I'm here to say is, yes, we are swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality. We are swimming in a sea of self-centric human beings. So what do we do about this? We first raise our inner standards for ourselves. And guess what? You become a repellent to those people because you have a dear friend. She had no problem meeting men because she had such a high self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence, self-reliance, self-respect. Or even Marie is a perfect example of that. If Marie was here, she would say a big part of that is because she set a higher standard for herself. Not in the men she chose, but in her own life. She set a higher standard for herself. And I think she repelled. By the way, she's got out with plenty of narcissist and whack jobs, you know? But those were only meet and greets. You're gonna have lots of meet and greets. It's the people that you choose relationship with. And I will tell you, I just recorded a video with my coach, Sabrina Rising, just a couple days ago. I believe we attract narcissists. I think believe we attract the, the anxious people attract avoidance and avoidance attract anxious because you are being called to heal. And when you attract the narcissist, it's an invitation for you to heal that part of you that doesn't love yourself. That's my perception anyway. Some of you might argue with me. You might criticize what I just said, but that's my perception on it. Anyways, thanks for the question. I really appreciate it. Christian writes, first dating experience after the death of my husband with someone I like went from zero to 100, then nothing. Said he felt he wasn't enough. Do I just let it go? He felt he wasn't enough. My suspicion is that you deeply loved your husband who passed away and he sensed that deep love and he felt like he might not be enough. That's one possibility. Or he used that as an excuse to say, I'm just not that into you. That's another possibility. Do I just let it go? Why don't you ask him some questions? What does it mean? He felt he, he then said he felt he wasn't enough. What does that mean? If I, if he was here right now, dude, hey, what's that mean you're not enough? Tell me what's going on on the inside. Ladies, you don't need to cut over your nose. You just do this. Talk, just talk, just ask questions, be curious. What does that mean? So no, you don't let it go. You just be curious and find out what that means. Terry wants to remind me laughing my ass off way to be real, Jonathan. Thank you so much. All right, transmittal, transferable, exactly. All right, let's keep going here. Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump. Rebecca wants to let us know hepatitis C is completely curable, as I just did say earlier. Okay, let's keep going here. Taylor is in the house. In a casual or early stage relationship, is it normal and natural for a man to look at other women and even be proud of it? How do you communicate? How behavior hurts your feelings? So, I don't know if you know this, but Sophia Vergara's husband, her and her husband are divorcing and Marie sent me a message and I said, hey, he's now available for you. You know, we jokingly, I mean, she knows I've looked at other women before. We've talked about it. I'm blatant about it. She, and we've talked about it because I'm a guy. I can't help but look. You guys, I mean, we men in our brains, we can have sex with a woman in three seconds in our head by openly sharing it with her and she knows her worth. She's not, she doesn't hurt her feelings. Now that's her, okay? Now I can understand how you're in a brand new relationship that could feel hurtful, okay? Now you said a casual relationship. So casual, look, you gotta accept when you ever choose a situation ship or casual relationship, you gotta accept the crumbs, okay? The crap, either you accept it or end it, okay? Because a casual relationship is just that. It's not going anywhere and it's okay. But if you're going to be in a casual relationship, accept it for what it is, warts and all, okay? Now, is it natural or normal for a man to look at other women? Yes, I'm proud of it. And Marie is, well, I don't think she's into Joe anymore. She's got a new one. I forget who her latest heartthrob is. But we talk about it, you know, it's, by the way, when you're in a relationship where you're open communication, you can share your thoughts in a safe space. Now do you have to share every thought? No, I don't tell her every single time. I've lusted over a woman. By the way, you guys put me up on some pedestal that we're some role models in relationships. I'm a dysfunctional human being. I am no picnic. I just have one skill set that most men don't have. I have a capacity to communicate my emotions and feelings greater than most men out there. So anyway, and I know you appreciate that. And every man can get there. It's possible, especially when he's with a woman who knows how to nurture that out of him. But that's another conversation. Anyways, how do you communicate behaviors for hurting your feelings? You can share with them. You know, this hurts my feelings. This hurts my feelings. And ask him what's going on. And by the way, maybe you can spark a more intimate conversation that will lead to deeper trust and intimacy with each other. That's an invitation you have, Taylor. Okay, is this helping? Please let me know. All right, let's keep going. Someone just wants to remind us the revised DSM April 2022 says, narcissists are both female and male. It's 50-50, women as well as men. It's not men are greater than women. Okay, I believe that's what Leafs is sharing with us. Thanks for that little intel there. Gloria says something, let me, I didn't, there's no question here, but it says there's a difference between showing your financial status and unveiling how much you have saved in your assets in detail. A lot of men are gold diggers and they have less empathy than women. Yeah, I think, well, I think traditionally speaking, women seek men because men traditionally have always had more resources. I believe women particularly seek men with more resources if they're in their childbearing years. Now, with that said, we have a, let's get real for a moment. It's hard to survive on one income. Two incomes are better than one. Marie and I, we openly disclosed our financial circumstances with one another. We have agreements as to how expenses are going to be paid for things like rent and entertainment. We have agreements made. I am not the sole provider of our relationship. In fact, she's very, and she's very generous. I don't mean more or less in a contribution, but she's very, we have an open communication about money. If you're not familiar with the book, eight dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman. And what do I always say about this book? Before the penis ever goes inside the vagina, you should read this book, particularly chapter one. But there's chapter four is called, wait, chapter four. The cost of love work, right here. The cost of love, work and money. Folks, if 50% of divorces cite money as the primary cause for the ending, maybe you should have conversations about money way sooner because you're gonna have problems if it's the elephant in the room. We talked about money right from the get go. I was very upfront with Marie. I believe in a relationship where we make mutual effort. That includes treating each other on entertainment. I told her right before, I actually told her that before we ever had our first date. And you know what happened? And I'm a very generous person. We had a very lavish dinner on our first date. And when we met up for breakfast, she treated for breakfast. It's the effort that matters most to me. It's not the tit for tatter, the dollars, but we had these conversations very early on. And for the most part, I cover most things. When we go out to dinners, I cover most of it. And then she surprises me with things all the time. It's out of the blue. We had a $300 Costco bill and she just grabbed, she put out her credit card and I said, she goes, I said, I'll pay it. And I said, well, do you want to split it? She goes, no, I got it. Because when you come as a giver, when you're mutually investing in the relationship, this builds a greater foundation of partnership. I'm just going off on a tangent sharing some of our personal stuff. I know I'm gonna be criticized by many of you. Men are supposed to pay. They're supposed to do this because we spend all this money on makeup. Well, you don't need to wear makeup. You know, you can invest in the relationship coming back to the makeup question. Anyways, that's my two cents. I'm sure I'll get flack on that one. Can FaceTime dates count as dates? Also, how many dates do you recommend to wait until you're sexually involved with the person you're dating? I just bought the book, Eight Dates. Way to go. Okay, FaceTime dates is purely to just confirm what their picture looks like, that they're real, okay? That's what you do a FaceTime date. I would say no more than three FaceTime dates and you better meeting face to face. Now, you're probably gonna say something like, Jonathan, we have long distance. Well, then, okay, what Marie and I did in the one year that we communicated before we met, we only communicated, I believe, 10 times on the phone. I think we probably only texted. Well, whenever we texted each other, we had a phone call. So 10 text messages and 10 phone calls combined. That was it. We check in, how's dating going? How's it going for you? We checked in, we talked for an hour. Check in, we followed each other on Facebook. And when it turns out we were ready to meet, that's when we began more and more communication. Now, when do you have sex? Folks, I'm here to say whether you have sex on the first date or you wait three months like Steve Harvey recommends in his book, act like a lady, think like a man. You first have sex when you are comfortable and you better know, be aware of the consequences. If you attach to a person, if you bond through sexual connection, be aware of that, okay? But most importantly, you have to learn his real intention. You know, one of the things in my private coaching is called radical honesty, pre-qualifying your prospect. My clients, we design specific questions based on their personality to vet a guy, okay? So you've got to learn his real intentions. You also, I wouldn't have sex with someone unless there's monogamy and exclusivity, an agreement of monogamy and exclusivity. But Jonathan, he doesn't wanna put labels on it. Well, then he doesn't get your vagina until there's an agreement. And even then people break agreements all the time, but an agreement is better than nothing. And lastly, be safe, whether it's wearing a condom, whether it's a morning after pill, maybe it's an STD. Be safe. Be comfortable, be aware, learn his real intentions, be exclusive and be safe, okay? That's my suggestion, Johanna. All right, let's keep going. Wow, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Wait a minute, Leif has just said, well, you're welcome, Jonathan. I have eaten, slept and breathed all things to do with personality disorders and survivor to a thriver. Did the inner work now? I do not need to be the detective anymore. Amen. I think people are just obsessed with narcissism, such the point that all, by the way, I think it's your reticular activation system in your brain. If your brain is thinking, narcissist, narcissist, narcissist, narcissist, you'll start seeing narcissist, narcissist, narcissist, okay? If I said to you, yellow Volkswagen bug as you got in your car right now, guess what you'll start seeing all the, actually let me say white Tesla, okay? Silver Mercedes, you know? Black BMW, you'll just start seeing that. So guess what? Stop saying it. Just stop it. Take the word out of your fucking vocabulary and stop using the word and you won't see as many. And stop watching videos about it. That's just my opinion anyway. Angel is in the house. Question, when going on a date should the woman take her own car, met him at his house or somewhere in public or should a man pick her up at the house or take separate cars, asking for a friend? So I think if this is somebody you know, there's no like and trust. No like and trust. Then, you know, he can pick you up. If he's a total stranger, I would take two separate cars. I would then do a social media background check on him. I'd do a background check if he's a total stranger. Until trust is built. It takes about a hundred hours of face to face time to build trust for the most part, okay? So now I was thinking, you know, Maria and I didn't have that face time. What built trust for her? By the way, guys don't need trust as much as women. Women need the trust more than men because you have more at stake. You have more at risk. Men traditionally cause more bodily harm to women than the other way around. So you have more to risk. So why did Maria feel safe? Well, I'm a public figure. I have a public persona. She saw a gazillion things about my life before she ever met me. So I think she felt very safe with me. But that's the exception, not the rule. So my invitation, at first off, you don't do things until you feel safe. What that is for you? You've got to decide that for yourself. There's no arbitrary number. But I would say if it's a stranger, take separate cars. And then when there's trust, you can have him pick you up, okay? Let's keep going here. Sherry says, if I went on a date with a guy said he didn't like face makeup, I would say find someone else to date, LOL. You know, I've gone out with women, I gotta tell you, they caked on the makeup. It was almost to the point of it was like, you need a chisel to get it out. That's what it would appear to me. I'm also not a big fan of exaggerated lips and the fillers and everything. You know, it's kind of funny. Marie has these naturally big cheeks. They're natural. She doesn't have fillers. Everybody thinks she does. I even told her that in the front. I go, you look like you have fillers. And she goes, and by the way, it wasn't until I saw a picture of her mother and her grandmother, I go, holy shit, this is hereditary. I think Native Americans and people with some Spanish descent tend to have this more than other cultures, but I thought it was fascinating. But listen, I understand why you would want to reject a guy like that. But I gotta tell you, I've gone out with women and I'm like, I don't want to see them again. They just got way too much face paint on, if you will. Okay, that's just my two cents anyway. Let's see what other questions we have. All right, Gigi says, I agree. It's really sad. So many women forfeit their earning years to raise children, then end up divorced with little to show for it. You know, this is a really tricky subject. So I'm a big proponent of women's empowerment. I'm a big proponent of not being dependent upon another person. With that said, though, there's this dynamic that happens where men are traditionally the breadwinners and women are the homemakers. And then these relationships fail and there's the divorce law has dictated something called alimony and child support for those that are raising children. The problem is, like in my case, the month we got divorced, I lost my high-end job and I spent years trying to replace it only to have to, I found a new profession in what I'm doing right now. And it wasn't intentional, but it was a reality. There's only so much money to go around. Thankfully, we had enough assets that we both could survive off of that during that process. Now, let's coming back to the traditional ones. You know, the reality is it's hard to make, it's hard to spread one income by two people. Just it's hard or a family, if you will. And Americans overspend to begin with. Okay, so with that said, I believe that two income families is almost a necessity and that if the relationship ends, at least that skill that a woman has built for herself can still be a transferable. If the relationship ends, this is tricky. I don't know how to answer that while the family court has jurisdiction over that. Again, you can only split a dollar so many ways. So coming back to your point, I don't know if it's forfeiting it because if they make the choice, if a woman has made the choice not to work, that's a choice, okay? And couples can talk about this. That's just my perception on that anyway. Okay, Gigi, thanks for bringing that up. I really appreciate it. All right, the whole makeup conversation is going interesting. Yikes, I make it a habit not to wear makeup all the time so I can see the real, so you can see my real wake up face and then when I made up, that's funny. Marie and I do something once a month. We do a spiritual journey together and that's one of the days where she doesn't wear makeup. She wears a bindi on her forehead, which is, if you're not familiar with Google bindi, it's like a face art or jewelry, if you will. She's beautiful with or without makeup to me. I just, because when you see someone's inner beauty, or at least I believe, when you actually see someone's inner beauty, yes, when she's all painted up, she looks great, but I don't need it for me. I know, and she, by the way, she will openly admit, she's got the glam table, she'll openly admit, she has a bit of vanity, and that's her cross to bear, if you will. Also, now I will say, she has said to me that putting on makeup can be therapeutic for her. That's why she has a glam table. Again, we all find our coping mechanisms in life. We all have our own ways of coping. And her childhood experience was incredibly traumatic and I understand her coping mechanisms. I've shared my traumatic childhood and I've shared my coping mechanisms. We all have ways to cope. Makeup is one of those ways to cope. As easy as it's said to, you know, not care about what other people think, like I said earlier, we are humans, we are flawed. There's nothing easy about this, okay? It's a journey, not a destination. Relationships are not a destination, they're just an experience to hopefully, you know, to unveil the best version of yourself with another person. Ideally, you show up as the best version of yourself and it reveals more of the beautiful qualities we individually have. Anyway, that's just my two cents anyway. Wanda wants to remind us that she is beautiful. You know, most importantly, it's not the outer beauty for her, she's got a good heart, you know? As she believed me, she's a pain in the ass sometimes. We're both pained in the ass to one another. There are things I could criticize about her. At the same time, I focus on what I'm most grateful for. Folks, I will tell you this. Every relationship comes into our life, whether it's a season or a lifetime, season, reason or a lifetime. And what's most important is, how have you grown from this experience? What positive things did you learn about yourself? What was good about each experience? And most importantly, what are you grateful for? And if your list of graded, if your list of grievances is much higher than your list of gratitude and your list of gratitude should be 90%, the grievances should be small. You know, to me, you guys are bitching about a lot of shit, but you want to stay with this person. What's the definition of insanity? I don't get it, you bitching complain about a person and yet you want to stay, but I can change them, Jonathan. I can just, if I just act like a martyr, if I just keep giving more and more and more and more and more, because I'm doing everything. I'm the martyr in this relationship. Ladies, that's delusional thinking. That's delusional thinking. Stop acting like martyrs. If you're giving more in the relationship than he gives, then it may not be the right relationship for you. And I forgot what was the original point of that. So, Angel says, happy for you, Jonathan and Marie, wishing you the best in your relationship. Thank you so much, I appreciate it. Claire wants to remind us that she just got the book, Eight Dates. By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of all the books I recommend. Let's see, Zengal wants to remind us what her father said. He taught me inner beauty, way to go, dad. All right, this will be our last question for the night. How to set high standards in initial talking or first date? You know, I don't even know how to answer that question. I don't know how to answer that question. How to set high standards? First, know what your standards are. Know what you want. I gotta tell you, women come to me all the time. Jonathan, I know what I want. I know what I want. I know what I want in relationship. And then they go through this proprietary coaching program I created. And can you guess what they say every single time? Geez, I didn't know what I want. Why didn't my parents teach me this? Why didn't I learn this in school? You guys, you can't set a standard until you know what you want. But here's the problem. Most of what you want is a list of superficial, I don't know about superficial things. You haven't really gotten into the deeper qualities. I was watching, I was watching a podcast today. And the question was, what makes you wife material to these young women? And they're all, they're, I'm six women, five women, excuse me, almost said the same thing. I'm fun and I'm nurturing. That was it. That was the only two things they can say. Folks, if you can't come up with 50 reasons why you're a good partner. I'm like, here's a, here's a, here's a project for you all. I want you to come up with 50 reasons why you'd make a good partner. Number one, I want you to come up with 50 things that would make a great partner in your life. Okay, 50 things coming back to Gloria. There was a Gloria that said that? Yes, Gloria. When you can give me 50 reasons why you would make a good partner and 50 reasons, 50 qualities you're seeking in a partner besides height and hair, you'll know what to talk about on dates. Okay, that's your, that's your job. And when you do that, I promise you you'll know what to talk about on dates. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. If it is, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel, hit that notification bell and post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts on those. All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video. I'm gonna do it as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic shot of the merit of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear, a pillow, there's a teddy bear. Give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we can all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Zengal and Gloria and Wanda and Sharon and Kim and Sherry Lynn and Pitbulls and Leafs and Shannon and Maria and Angel and CeCe, Starshine, LTE, Leafs in the house, Foxy, Philly, She-Jester, everyone, big hugs. Hope this helped, take care, bye now. Oh, thank you, Terry, for the extra $10 Super Sticker. That is very sweet of you, big hugs, much appreciated. Bye now.