 CHAPTER 17 THE GRAVES NEEDED ONLY TO BE ASKED TO COME AND DIE BEFORE THE REST OF THE WORLD Could have an opportunity of seeing the bride and bridegroom. They had previously settled among themselves that they should be invited. And the answer was given on the instant. The only doubt was how far down in the family the pleasure ought to extend. Sidney was full of anxiety about it. His mother decided that he ought to be asked, but that perhaps he had better not go, as he would be in the way, and Sophia was sure it would be very dull for him. A sentence which made Sidney rather sulk-y, but Hester insisted on having him, and pleaded that William Levitt would come and meet him, and if the lad should find the drawing room dull, there was the surgery, with some very curious things in it, where they might be able to amuse themselves. So Sidney was to take up his lot with the elderly ones, and the little girls were to be somewhat differently entertained another day. Oh, the anxieties of a young wife's first dinner party. If remembered, they become laughable enough when looked back upon from future years. But they are no laughing matter at the time. The terror lest there should be no little on the table, and the consequent danger of there being too much. The fear at once of worrying the cook with too many directions, and leaving any necessary thing unsaid. The trembling doubt of any power of entertainment that may exist in the house, the anticipation of a yawn on the part of any guest, or such a silence as may make the creaking of the foot-boy's shoes heard at dinner, or the striking of the hall-clock in the evening. These are the apprehensions which make the young wife wish herself on the other side of her first dinner party, and render alluring the prospect of sitting down the next day to hash her cold fowl, followed by odd custards and tartlets, with a stray mince pie, followed by odd custards and tartlets with a stray mince pie, where a guest so experienced and so vigilant, as Mrs. Gray is expected, the anxiety is redoubled and the servants are sure to discover it by some means or other. Morris woke this Saturday morning with the feeling that something great was to happen that day, and Sally began to be sharp with the foot-boy as early as ten o'clock. Hester and Margaret were surprised to find how soon there was nothing more left for them to do. The wine was decanted, the dessert dished up in the little storeroom, and even the cake cut for tea, soon enough to leave almost the whole morning to be spent, as usual. Margaret sat down to study German and hester to read. She had just observed that they could not expect to see Edward for some hours, as he had been set for to the Alm houses, and meant to pay a country visit, which would cost him a circuit on his return. These Alm houses were six miles off, and when Mr. Hope was sent for by one of the inmates, nearly all the rest were wont to discover that they ailed more or less, so that their medical guardian found it no easy matter to get away, and his horse and learned by practice to stand longer there than anywhere else without fidgeting. Knowing this, Margaret fully agreed to her sister's proposition that it must be some hours before Edward could appear. In a little while, however, Hester threw down her book and took up her work laying to her watch just under her eyes upon the table. Do you mean to do that for life when your husband takes a country ride? said Margaret, laughing. I hate these ever seen country rides, cried Hester. I do wish he would give up those Alm houses, give them up. Yes, they are nothing but trouble and anxiety. The old folks are never satisfied and never would be if he lived among them and attended to nobody else. And as often as he goes there, he is sure to be more wanted here than at any other time. There is another knock. There have been two people wanting him within his hour, and a country gentleman has left word that he shall call with his daughter at one o'clock. Well, let them come. If he is home, well and good, if not, they must wait till he arrives. Hester started up and walked about the room. I know what is in your mind, said Margaret. The truth is, you are afraid of another accident. I do not wonder at it, but, dearest Hester, you must control this fear, considering, supposing it to be heaven's future, that you and he should live for forty or fifty years together. What a world of anxiety you will inflict on yourself if you are to suffer in this way every time he rides six miles out and back again. Perhaps I shall grow used to it, but I do wish he would give up those Alm houses. Suppose we ask him to give up practice at once, said Margaret, that we may have him always with us. No, no, Hester, we must consider him first and ourselves next, and let him have his profession all to himself, and as much of it as he likes. Ourselves, cried Hester contemptuously. Well yourself, then, said Margaret, smiling. I only put myself in that I might lecture myself at the same time with you. Lecture away, dear, said Hester, till you make me as reasonable as if I had no husband to care for. Margaret might have asked whether Hester had been reasonable. When she had had neither husband nor lover to care for, but instead of this, she opened the piano and tempted her sister away from her watch to practice a duet. I will tell you what I am thinking of, cried Hester, breaking off in the middle of a bar of the second page. Perhaps you thought me hasty, just now, but you do not know what I had in my head. You remember how late Edward was called out the night before last? To Miss Marsh's child? Yes, it was quite dark when he went. There was no moon, Mr. Harsh wanted to send a servant back with him as far as the high road. But he was sure he knew the way. He was riding very fast. When his horse suddenly stopped and almost threw him over its head, he spurred in vain. The animal only turned round and round until a voice called from somewhere near. Stop there for God's sake. Wait till I bring a light. A man soon came with a lantern. And where do you think Edward found himself? On the brink of a mill dam, another step in the dark night, and he might have been heard of no more. Margaret was not at all surprised that Hester covered her face with her hands at the end of this very disagreeable anecdote. It is clear, said she, that Edward is the person who wants lecturing. He must bid him not ride very fast on dark nights, on roads that he does not know. But I have a high opinion of this horse of his. One of the two is prudent, and that is a great comfort. And for the present, there is the consolation that there are no mill dams in the way to the almshouses. And that is broad daylight. So let us go on with our duet, or shall we begin again? Hester played through the duet and then signed over a new apprehension that some of those old envelopes would certainly be taking Mr. Hope away from home on the two mornings when their neighbors were to pay for the wedding visit. And what shall we do then, she inquired. We shall see when the time comes, replied Margaret. Meanwhile, we are sure of one good thing, that Edward will not be called away from the dinner table today by the almshouse people. Come, let us play this over once more. Then it may be ready for Mr. Gray in the evening. Sooner than he was looked for, sooner than it was supposed to be possible that he could have come, Edward appeared. Safe, cried he, laughing. What should prevent my being safe? What sort of a soldier or sailor's wife would you have made? He asked, looking Hester's happy face. She would be crazed with every gale and die at rumors of wars, said Margaret. Mill dams are whore enough for her. And to say the truth, brother, for other people too, while you write as you do. That was an accident, which cannot recur, observed hope. I am sorry, Mr. Marsh's man mentioned it, but Hester, I see what you would say, sighed Hester. Your mention of soldiers and sailors' wives reminds me, I have no faith. I know, and I thought I should when, oh, I wonder how those old crusaders blives endured their lives, but perhaps seven years suspense was easier to bear than seven hours. Hester joined in the laugh at this speech, and Edward went to see his patients in a place where there was really no danger in the waiting room. Yet Hester was a little ruffled when the graze appeared. So many messages had arrived for Edward that the country gentleman and his daughter had been kept waiting and a live resurgent had called twice as if impatient. She was afraid that people would blame Edward that he would never manage to satisfy them all. Hester was raised and her brow slightly bent when her guests entered, but all was right when Edward followed looking perfectly at leisure and stood, talking before the fire, as if he had been a man of no profession. Mr. Hope had caused his feelings to be so well understood on one important subject that it was necessary to respect them, and no mention of the raw lens was made, either before dinner or in the presence of the servants, nor was there any need of the topic. There was abundance to be said, without having recourse to doubtful subjects, and Margaret became so far relieved from all apprehension on this account by the time that she assured herself that the day was passing off extremely well. There had not been a single pause left to be filled up with the clatter of knives and forks. Mrs. Gray pronounced the room delightfully warm. Sophia protested that she liked having the fire at her back, and Mr. Gray inquired where Hope got his ale. The boys who had looked for the first half hour as if they could not speak for the stiffness of their collars were now in a full career of jokes. To judge by their stifled laughter, Hester blushed beautifully at every little circumstance that occurred and played the hostess very gracefully. The day was going off extremely well. The approaching county election was the principal topic at dinner, as it was probably at every dinner table in Dearbrook. Mrs. Gray first told Hope at the bottom of the table, all about her wonder at seeing seven or eight gentlemen on horseback entering their field. She was exceedingly surprised to observe such a troop approaching the door, and she hardly knew what to make of it. When the servant came in to say that the gentleman wished to see her as Mr. Gray was at a distance it was strange that she should so entirely forget that there was to be an election soon. To be sure, it might have occurred to her that the party came to canvas Mr. Gray but she did not happen to remember at first, and she thought the gentleman who was spokesman excessively complimentary both about the place and about some other things till she mentioned his name and that he was a candidate for the county. Such a highly complimentary strain was not to her taste she acknowledged and it lost all its value when it was made so common as in this instance. This gentleman had kissed the little Rawlins all around. She had since been assured not that she was too enlarged on that subject, but it only showed what gentleman will do when they are canvassing. The other candidate Mr. Lowry seemed very high personage indeed when he found Mr. Gray was not at home. He and all his party rode straight on without inquiring for the ladies. Everyone seemed to think that Mr. Lowry was not likely to carry his election. His manners were so extremely high. Meanwhile, Mr. Gray was observing to his hostess that he was sorry to find there with an election impending. People in a small place like Dearbrook were quite apt enough to quarrel day by day an election through the place into an uproar. How delightful those boys are thinking, said Hester laughing. I am sure said Sophia. It is anything but delightful to me. I remember. Last time Sidney brought some squibs into the garden and let them off while Mama and I were in the shrubbery and we could none of us get to sleep till after midnight. For the light of the bonfire down the street, they should manage those things more quietly observed Mr. Gray. This time however there will be a little effusion of joy and then an end. For they say Balinger will carry every vote in the place. Why father, cried Sidney, are you going to vote for Balinger this time? No my boy, I did not say so. I shall not vote at all, he added, observing that he was expected to explain himself. No remark being made, he continued, it will not be convenient to me to meddle in election matters this time and it would be of no use as Larue has not the slightest chance. One gets nothing but ill will and trouble by meddling. So my dear, turned to Hester, your husband and I will just keep quiet and let Dear Brooke have its own way. I believe you may speak for yourself replied Hester. Her eye is sparkling, Edward has no idea. Then remembering that she was speaking to a guest, she cut short her insurance that Edward has no idea of neglecting his duty when it was one and most for such a reason as that it was then most irksome. There is no occasion in the world for your husband to come forward observe Mr. Gray with kind anxiety. I was saying hope that you are quite absolved from interfering in politics. Nobody expects it from a medical man. Everyone knows the disadvantage to a professional man's circumstance like you of taking any side in a party matter. You might find the consequences very serious, I assure you. And nobody expects it of a medical man echoed Mrs. Gray. Mr. Hope did not reply that he voted for other reasons than that it was expected of him. He had argued the subject with Mr. Gray before and knew that they must agree to differ. He quietly declared his intention for Mr. Lauri and then asked Sophia to take wine. His manner left no rescue to Mrs. Gray but to express her feelings to his wife in the drawing room after dinner. She there drew Hester's arm within her own and kindly observed what pleasure it gave her to see her anticipation so fulfilled she had had his home fitted up and inhabited as now was in her mind's eye for a longer time than she should choose to tell. Elderly folks might be allowed to look forward that Mr. Gray could bear witness that she had done so. It was delightful to look around and see how all had come to pass. Everybody so interested observed Sophia. Mrs. Howell says some have observed to her what a pity it is that you are dissenters so that you will not be at church on Sunday. Everybody would be sure to be there and she says she is of opinion that considering how many friends wish to see you make your first appearance you ought to go for once she cannot imagine what harm it could do you to go for once but whatever you may think about that it shows her interest and I thought you would like to know what have you seen Mrs. Howell's window my dear how should they exclaimed her mother I forgot they could not go out before Sunday but Margaret you must look at Mrs. Howell's window the first thing when you can get out it is so festooned with purple and white that I told Miss Miskin I thought they would be obliged to light up in the daytime they have made the shop so dark and they have thrust all the green and orange into the little side window where nobody can see it cried Sydney you manage to see it I perceive said Hester Sydney having at the moment mounted a cockade and drawn out his green and orange watch ribbon with a boldest view William Levitt lost no time in going through the same process with his purple and white you will be the ornaments of Dearbrook cried Margaret if you walk about in that gay style I hope I shall have the pleasure of meeting you both in the street that I may judge of the effect they will have lost their finery by that time said Sophia we had a terrible snatching of cockades last time snatching what they'll get by it cried Sydney what would they get but the ribbons asked Margaret Sydney drew her to the light opened the bows of his cockade and displayed a corking pen struck upright under each bow isn't it horrid said Sophia horrid it is not half so horrid as fish hooks and Sydney related how fish hooks had actually been used during the last election to detain with her barbs the fingers of snatchers of cockades which do you use he asked of William Leavitt neither my father won't let me do anything more than just wear a cockade and watch ribbon I have got a watchguard too you see for fear of losing my watch but you won't get under my cockade off a bet the sooner for my having no spikes under it I have a particular way of fastening it on only try any day I defy you to it hush hush boys don't talk of defiance said Mrs. Gray I am sure I wish there were no such things as elections in country places at least they make nothing but mischief and indeed Hester my dear it is a great pity that those should metal who can keep out of them as your husband fairly may whichever way he might vote a great many disagreeable remarks would be made and if he votes as he says or Mr. Lawry I really think as so does Mr. Gray that it will be a serious inquiry to him in this profession Hester replied with some gravity that people could never do their whole duty without causing disagreeable remarks and seldom without suffering serious injury but why should he vote persisted Mrs. Gray because he considers it his duty which is commonly his reason for whatever he does an excellent reason too but I rather thought I always fancied he defended acting from impulse but I beg your pardon my dear and she nodded and winked towards the young people who were trying the impression of a new seal at the entire table eating nothing about either duty or impulse Margaret had fixed the attention of the boys upon his curious seal of hers in order to obviate a snatching of cuckades or other political feud upon his spot it seems as if I could speak about nothing but your husband my dear continued Mrs. Gray in a whisper but you know I feel towards him as towards a son as I have told him do you think he has quite entirely got over his accident entirely he thinks he calls himself in perfect health well he ought to know best but but what as Hester anxiously it has occurred to us that he may still want watching and care it has struck both Mr. Gray and me that he is not quite the same that he was before that accident it is natural enough and yet I thought in the autumn that he was entirely himself again but there is still a little difference a little flatness of spirit sometimes a little more gravity than used to be natural to him but you do not think he looks ill tell me just what you think oh no not ill rather delicate perhaps but I am sure it is wonderful that he is so well after such an accident he calls himself perfectly well does he perfectly oh then we may be quite easy for he must know best do not let anything that I have said dwell upon your mind my dear I only just thought I would ask how common it is for one's friends to drop a heavy weight upon one's heart and then desire one not to let it dwell there as her spirits were irrevocably damped for this evening her husband seemed to be an altered man flat in spirits and looking delicate and she told not to be uneasy she was most eager for the entrance of the gentleman from the dining room that she might watch him and till they came she had not a word of amusement to furnish to her guests Margaret perceived that something had gone wrong and talked industriously till marine forest from the dining room Sophia whispered a hint to her mother to inquire particularly about Mrs. Enderby's health at the mention of her name Mr. Hope took his seat on the sofa beside Mrs. Gray and replied gravely and fully that he thought Mrs. Enderby really very unwell more so than he had ever known her she was occasionally in a state of great suffering and any attention that her old friends could show her in the way of a quiet call would be a true kindness had he alarmed her family there was quite hint enough for alarm she said in the state in which her relations saw her at times but Mrs. Rowland was always trying to make out that nothing was the matter with her mother was it not so? not exactly so Mrs. Rowland knew that there was no immediate danger that her mother might live many months or a few years but Mr. Hope believed neither Mrs. Rowland nor anyone else could deny her sufferance they say Mr. Phillip is coming observed Mr. Gray oh I hope he is some people say that he is otherwise occupied observe Sophia if all accounts be true she caught her mother's eye and stopped suddenly and awkwardly Mr. Hope involuntarily as one or two others were doing at the same time nothing was to be discerned for she was stooping over the volume of engravings that she was showing to William Levitt and she remained stooping for a long while when the proper amount of playing and singing had been gone through and Mrs. Gray's hand was announced the cloaked and muffled guest left behind a not very happy party Margaret's gayity seemed exhausted and she asked if it was not late Hester was gazing at her husband she saw the perspiration on his brow she put her arm within his and anxiously inquired whether she was not unwell she was sure he had never fully recovered his strength she had not taken care enough of him why did he not tell her when he was wary and wanted nursing Mr. Hope looked at her with an unaffected surprise and saw her and assured her that he was perfectly well and that moreover he was so fond of indulgence that she would be sure to hear of it if ever he could find a pretense for getting upon the sofa Hester was comforted but said that his spirits were not always what they had been and she appealed to Margaret Margaret declared that any failure of spirits in Edward was such a new idea that she must consider before she gave an answer she thought that she had been too busy to draw too many characters as usual lately but she had observed no deeper signs of despondency than that do not let us get into the habit of talking about spirits, said Hope I hear quite enough about that away from home and I can assure you professionally that it is a bad subject to dwell upon everyone who lives has variations of spirits they are like the sunshine or like Dr. Levitt's last sermon of which Mr. Henderby says every Sunday in the church porch it is to be felt not talked about but as a sign of health, said Hester as a sign of health my dear the spirits of all this household may be left to my professional discrimination will you trust me my dear oh yes she uttered with a sigh of relief End of Chapter 17 Chapter 18 of Dear Brook This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Chapter 18 of Dear Brook by Harriet Martiniel I am better now Phoebe said Mrs. Henderby sinking back faintly in her easy chair after one of her attacks of spasms I am better now and if you will fan me for a minute or two I shall be quite fit to see the children quite delighted to have them and declare said the maid here are the drops standing upon your face this cold day as if it was August but if the pain has come never mind anything else and I for one won't say anything against your having the children in for I am sure the seeing your friends has done you no harm and nothing but good pray drop the blind Phoebe and let me see something of the sunshine bless me how frosty the field looks while I have been stifled with heat for this hour passed I had better not go to the window however for I begin to feel almost chilly already thank you Phoebe you have fan me enough now call the children Phoebe Phoebe wrapped a cloak around her mistress's knees pinned her shower up closer around her throat and went to call the children in from the parlor below Matilda drew up her head and then asked her grandma how she did George looked up anxiously in the old lady's face ah George said she smiling it is an odd face to look at is not it how would you like your face to look as mine does not at all said George Mrs. Underby laughed heartily and then told him that her face was not unlike his once as round and as red and as shining and frosty weather perhaps if you were to go out now into the frost your face would look as it used to do I am afraid not when my face look like yours it was when I was a little girl and used to slide and make snowballs as you do that was a long time ago my face is wrinkled now because I am old and it is pale because I am ill George heard nothing after the word snowballs I wish some more snow would come he observed we have plenty of ice down in the meadows but there has been only one fall of snow and that melted almost directly Papa thinks there will be more snow very soon observe Matilda if there is you children can do something for me that I should like very much said Grandma shall I tell you what it is yes you can make a snowman in that field I am sure Mr. Gray will give you leave what good will that do you asked Matilda here and watch you and I shall like that exceedingly I shall see you gathering the snow and building up your man and if you will turn about and shake your hand this way now and then I shall be sure to observe it and I shall think you are saying something kind to me I wish the snow would come cried George stamping with impatience I do not believe Mama will let us observe Matilda she prohibits are going into Mr. Gray's field but she shall let us that one time cried George I will ask Papa and Mr. Gray and Sidney and Uncle Phillip and all when will Uncle Phillip come again sometime soon I dare say but George we must do as your Mama pleases about my plan you know if she does not wish you to go into Mr. Gray's field you can make your snowman somewhere else but then you won't see us but I know what I will do I will speak to Sidney and he and Fanny and Mary shall make you a snowman yonder where we should have made him Mrs. Underby pressed the boy to her and laughed while she thanked him but said it was not the same thing seeing the Grays make a snowman why George said Matilda contemptuously when will Uncle Phillip come as the boy who was of opinion that Uncle Phillip could bring all things to pass why I will tell you how it is my dear Uncle Phillip is very busy learning his lessons the boy stared yes growing up people who mean to be great lawyers as I believe Uncle Phillip does have to learn lessons like little boys only much longer and much harder when will he have done them not for a long while yet but he will make a holiday some soon and come to see us I should like to get well before that sometimes I think I shall and sometimes I think not does he expect you will he expects nothing about it he does not know that I am ill I do not wish that he should know it my dear is so when I feel particularly well and when I have heard anything that pleases me I ask Phoebe to bring me the pen and ink and I write to Uncle Phillip and why does not Mama tell him how you are aha why indeed mother Phoebe she knows that I do not wish it Uncle Phillip writes charming long letters to me as I will show you bring me my recticule here here's a large sheet of paper quite full you see under the seal and all when will you write such long letters I wonder I shall when I am married I suppose said Matilda again drawing up her little head you married my love and pray when are you to be married Mama often talks of the time when she shall lose me and of what things have to be done while she has me with her there's a great deal to be done indeed love before that day if it ever comes there are more ways than one of losing a child observe Phoebe in her straightforward way if Mrs. Rowland thinks so long beforehand of the one way it is to be hoped she keeps Miss Matilda to the thought of the other which must happen sooner or later while marrying may not well Phoebe said the old lady we will not put any dismal thoughts into this little head time enough for that we will leave all that to Miss Young then stroking Matilda's round cheek she inquired my love did you ever in your life feel any pain oh dear yes Grandma Mama to be sure I have twice why don't you remember last spring I had pain in my head for nearly two hours on Georgia's birthday and last week after I went to bed I had such a pain in my arm I did not know how to bear it and what became of it oh I found at last I could bear it no longer and I began to think what I should do I meant to ring the bell but I fell asleep Phoebe laughed with very little ceremony and Grandma Mama could not help joining she supposed Matilda hoped it might be long enough but she had any more pain in the night time certainly Matilda said and not in the daytime is not the pain as bad in the daytime Matilda acknowledged that she should like to be ill in the daytime Mama took her on the lap when she was ill and Miss Young was so very sorry for her and she had something nice to drink then I am afraid my dear you don't pity me at all said Grandma Mama with a sofa and a screen and Phoebe to wait upon you and whatever you might fancy to eat and drink would you like to be ill as I am? not at present said Matilda not till I am married I shall enjoy doting as I like when I'm married how the child's head runs upon being married said Phoebe and to suppose what being ill is doing as one likes of all odd things I should often like to fly all over the world said Mrs. Underby and to get anywhere out of this room I am so tired of it but I know I cannot so I get books and read about all the strange places far off that Moonga Park tells us about and Gulliver and Captain Perry and I should often like to sleep at night when I cannot and then I get up softly without waking Phoebe and look out at the bright stars and think over all we are told about them about their being all full of men and women we know that George as she George being now at the window oh yes answered Matilda for him we know all about those things are falling stars full of men and women as George there are none on a star that my father saw fall on the Dingle Ford road observe Phoebe it wasn't big enough to hold men and women did it fall in the middle of the road as George turning from the window what was it like it was a round thing as big as a house and all bright and crystal like said Phoebe with absolute confidence it blocked up the road from the great oak as you may remember close by the second milestone to the ditch on the opposite side Phoebe are you sure of that as Mrs. Enderby with a face full of anxious doubt ma'am my father came straight home after seeing it fall and he let my brother John and me go the next morning early as splinters oh well as Mrs. Enderby who always preferred believing to doubting I have heard of stories falling from the moon this was a falling star ma'am can you show me any of the splinters as George eagerly there is nothing whatsoever left of them said Phoebe by the time John and I went we could not find a piece of crystal so big as my thimble my father has often laughed at John and me since for not having been there in time before it was all gone it is a good thing my dears depend upon it as I was saying observe Mrs. Enderby to know all such things about the stars and so on against the time when you cannot do as you like and go where you please Matilda my jewel when you are married as you were talking about and can please yourself you will take great care to be kind to your mama my dear if poor mama should be old and ill you will always wish to be tender to your mother love I am sure and will do her more good than anything perhaps mama won't be ill replied Matilda then if she is never ill we will certainly be old someday and then you will be as kind to her as ever you can be promise me my love your mama loves you dearly Matilda she says I dance better than any girl in Miss Anderson school Grandma I heard tell her Miss Leavitt so here comes mama said George from the window your mama my dear Phoebe sweep up the hearth hang that curtain straight give me that letter no not that the large letter there now put it into my knitting basket make haste down Phoebe to be ready to open the door for Mrs. Rowland don't keep her waiting a moment on the steps she has not got to the steps yet said George she is talking to Mrs. Gray she is coming here and mama went and spoke to her oh Matilda come and look how they are noddling their bonnets at each other I think Mrs. Gray is very angry she wades her head about so there now she is going away there she goes across the road and mama is coming up from the steps after a minute or two of silent expectations Mrs. Rowland entered her mother's room she brought with her a draught which as she jerked aside her ample silk cloak on taking her seat on the sofa seemed to chill the invalid though there was now a patch of color on each withered cheek how much better you look man was the doubters greeting I always thought it would be a pity to disturb Phillip about you and now if he were to see you he would not believe that you had been ill Mr. Rowland would be satisfied that I am right I am sure if he were to come in Mrs. Rowland's interest is nowadays better said Phoebe bluntly she is not the better for that flush she has got now but the worse never mind Phoebe I shall do very well I dare say said Mrs. Underby with a sigh well my dear how do you all go on at home much as usual man but that reminds me Matilda my own love Miss Young must be wanting you for your lesson on objects go my dear I hope Matilda was come for the day I have quite expected she was to stay with me today do let me have her my dear it will do me so much good you are very kind man but it is quite impossible it is totally out of the question I assure you Matilda my love go this instant we make a great point of the lessons in objects pray Phoebe tie Miss Rowland's bonnet and make haste Phoebe did go taking leave to observe little girls were likely to live long enough to know plenty of things after they had no grandmama's left to be a comfort to Mrs. Underby struggled to say hush Phoebe but she found she could not speak George desired to go with his sister and was scarcely allowed time to kiss his grandmama while Phoebe was taking the children downstairs Mrs. Rowland wondered that some people allowed their servants to take such liberties as were taken and gave notice that though she tolerated Phoebe because Phoebe's mistress had taken a fancy to her she could not allow her family plans to be made a subject of remark to her mother's domestics Mrs. Underby had not quite decided upon her line of reply when Phoebe came back and occupied herself in supplying her mistress first with a freshly heated footstool and then with a cup of arrowroot where do you get your arrowroot, ma'am asked Mrs. Rowland I want some extremely for my poor dear Anna and I can procure none that is at all to compare with yours Mrs. Gray was so kind as to send me home, my dear and it really is excellent Phoebe, how much of it is there left? I daresay there may be enough for a cup or two for dear little Anna, Phoebe replied that there was very little left not any more than her mistress would require before she could grow stronger Mrs. Rowland would not take the rest of the arrowroot on any account she was only wondering where Mrs. Gray got it and how it was that the Grays always contrived to help themselves to the best of everything Phoebe was going to observe that they helped their neighbors to good things as well as themselves but a look from her mistress stopped her Mrs. Underby remarked that she had no doubt she could learn from Mrs. Gray or Sophia the next time she saw either of them where they procured their arrow foot it is a long time since I saw Mrs. Gray she observed timidly my dear ma'am how can you think of seeing anyone in your present state inquired the daughter one need but see the flush in your face to know that it would be highly improper for you to admit company I could not take the responsibility of allowing it but Mrs. Gray is not a company my love anyone is company to an invalid I assure you I prevented Mr. Rollins coming for the reason I assigned he was coming yesterday but I would not let him I should like to see him however and I should like to see Mrs. Gray too under pretence of arranging her mistress's shawl Phoebe touched the old lady's shoulder in token of intelligence Mrs. Underby was somewhat flurried at the liberty which she felt her maid had taken with her daughter but she could not notice it now and she introduced another subject had everybody done calling on the hopes were the wedding visits all over? oh yes Mrs. Rollin was thankful to say that fuss was at an end at last one would think nobody had ever been married before by the noise that had been made in Dearbrook about this young couple Mr. Hope is such a favorite observed Mrs. Underby he has been so but it won't last I never saw a young man so gone off as he is he has not been like the same man since he connected himself with the grace so decidedly surely ma'am you must perceive that it had not occurred to me my dear he comes very often and he is always extremely kind and very entertaining he brought his bride with him yesterday which I thought very attentive as I could not go and pay my respects to her and really Priscilla whether it was that I had not seen her for some time or that pretty young ladies look prettiest in an old woman's sick room I thought she was more beautiful than ever she is handsome admitted Mrs. Rollin poor thing it makes one sorry for her when one thinks what is before her what is before her as Mrs. Underby alarmed if she loves her her husband at all she must suffer cruelly seeing him act as he persists in doing and she must tremble in looking forward to the consequences he is quite obstinate about voting for Mr. Lowry though there is not a solemn dear brook to keep him in continence and everybody knows how strongly Sir William Hunter has expressed himself in favor of Mr. Ballinger it is thought the consequences will be very serious to Mr. Hope there in his alms house and I fancy a good many families will have no more to do with him if he defies the hunters and goes against the opinions of all his neighbors his wife must see that he has nobody with him I do pity the poor young thing dear me said the old lady can nothing be done I wonder I declare I am quite concerned I should hope something may be done I would take the liberty of speaking to him myself rather than that what should happen to him he has always been so very kind to me that I think I could venture to say anything to him I will turn it over in my mind and see what can be done you will not prevail with him ma'am I am afraid if Mr. Gray speaks in vain as I know he has done it is not likely that anyone else will have any influence over him no no the willful must be left to their own devices whatever you do ma'am do not speak to the bride about it or there is no knowing what you may bring upon yourself what could I bring upon myself my dear oh those who do not see the vixen in that pretty face of hers have not such good eyes as she has herself for God's sake ma'am do not offend her Mrs. Enderby was now full of concern and being as unhappy as she could be made for the present after her took her leave the old lady looked into the fire and sighed for some minutes after she was left alone when Phoebe re-entered her mistress declared that she felt quite tired out and must lie down before she closed her eyes she raised her head again and said Phoebe I am surprised at you oh ma'am you mean about my taking the liberty to hope would have no objection to your seeing Mrs. Gray and to my thought there is no occasion to consult with anybody else and I have no doubt Mrs. Gray will be calling again some day soon just at a time when you are fit to see her it is not where any book or anything ma'am that I could be carrying over to Mrs. Gray's while you are resting yourself ma'am ah do so Phoebe carry that book it is not quite done but that does not signify carry that book over and give my regards and beg to know how Mrs. Gray and all the family are and if Mrs. Gray should come in this evening she continued an excuse to herself for her devices I shall be able to find out in a quiet way where she gets her arrow root and Priscilla will be glad to know whatever it might be that Phoebe said to Alice and that brought Mrs. Gray out into the hall and herself to Phoebe the result was that Mrs. Gray's lantern was ordered as soon as it grew dark and that she arrived in Mrs. Enderby's apartment just as the old lady had walked from her doze and while the few years that had escaped from under her eyelids before she slept were yet scarcely dried upon her cheeks End of Chapter 18 Chapter 19 of Dearbrook This is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Dearbrook by Harriet Martinu Chapter 19 Home at the Hopes The evil consequences of Mr. Hope's voting for Laurie had not been exaggerated in the anticipations of his friends and vagalate neighbors and these consequences were rather aggravated than aleavated by the circumstances that Mr. Laurie won the election first The inhabitants of Dearbrook were on the watch for any words which might fall from Sir William or Lady Hunter and when it was reported that Sir William had frowned and sworn an oath at Mr. Hope on hearing how he had voted and that Lady Hunter had asked whether it was possible that Mr. Hope had forgotten under whose interest he held his appointment to attend the Almshouses and the neighboring Hamlet several persons determined to be by our hand with their great neighbors and to give the benefit of their family practice to some of the better politics than Mr. Hope In another set of minds a real fear of Mr. Hope as a dangerous person sprang up under the heat of the displeasure of the influential members of society Such were slow to have recourse to another medical attendant and undertook the management of the health of their own families till they could find an advisor perfectly confide when Mr. Lowry gained the contest the population of Dearbrook was electrified and the unpleasantness of their surprise has visited upon the only supporter of Mr. Lowry whom the place contained Wise folks were not wanting who talk of the skill which some persons had in keeping on the winning side of reasons which time sometimes revealed for persons choosing to be singular some remarkable incidents were reported of conversations between Mr. Lowry and Mr. Hope in the lanes and of certain wonderful advantages which had lately fallen to one of another of Mr. Hope's acquaintances through some strong political interest Mr. Rowland doubted at his own table All the news he heard on the subject and said everywhere that he did not see why a man should not vote as he pleased very sorry about the whole affair he was sorry that there had been any contest at all for the country as it disturbed the peace of Dearbrook he was sorry that the candidate he preferred had won as the fact exacerbated the temper of Dearbrook he was sorry that Hope had voted detriment of his name and rising fortunes and he was sorry that he himself had been unable to last to vote for Lowry and his own friend incontinence it was truly unlucky that he should have passed his promise early to Sir William Hunter not to vote it was a sad business altogether it was only to be hoped that it would pass out of people's minds that things would soon get into their usual terrain and that it might be 7 years before there was another election Hester complained to her husband and sister about the trade's people of the place she had desired to put herself on a footing of acquaintance with them as neighbors and persons with whom there must be a constant transaction of business for life she saw it once the difference in the relation between trade's people and their customers in a large town like Birmingham and in a village where there is but one baker where the grocer and hatter are the same personage and where you cannot fly from your brother is he ever so much your foe Hester therefore made it her business to transact herself all affairs with the village tradesmen she began her housekeeping energetically and might be seen in Mr. Jones open shop up in the coldest morning of January selecting her joint of meat or deciding among brown sugars at tuckers the grocers after the election she found some difference in the matter of most of the shop people towards her and she fancied more than there was with some of these persons there was no more in their minds than the consciousness of having discussed new family and Mr. Hope's both and come the conclusion against his principles with others Mrs. Rowland's influence had done deeper mischief a few words dropped by herself or reports of her sayings circulated by her servants occasion dislike or alarm Hester's sensitiveness apprehended at once and forthwith exaggerated she complained to her husband that she could not go to the shops with any comfort and that she thought she must turn over the housekeeping to Morris Margaret Remin started against this and by being her sister's constant companion in her walks of business as well as pleasure hope to be able to keep the peace and to preserve or restore what was needed were a good understanding between parties who could most materially promote or injure such others comfort the leisure hours to which she had look forward with such transport were all checkered with anxiety on this subject in the intervals of speculation on another matter to which she found her mind constantly reoccurring in spite of her oft repeating conviction what he was doing and when he would come day by day as she spread her own books before her or began to write she wondered at her own list listness about employments to which she had looked forward with so much eagerness and when she detected herself gazing into the fire by the half hour together or allowing the ink to dry in her suspended pen she found that she was far as ever deciding whether Hester was not now in the way to be less happy than ever and how it was that with all her close friendship with Philip and her by of which she had spoken so confidently to Maria she was now in perfect ignorance of his movements and intentions the whole was very strange and in the experience somewhat dreary her great comfort was Edward this was a new support but even here she was compelled to own herself somewhat disappointed this brotherly relation for which she had longed all her life did not bring the fullness of satisfaction which she had anticipated she had not a fault to find with Edward she was always called upon by his daily conduct for admiration esteem and affection but all this was not of the prophet to her which she had expected she seemed altered the flow of his spirits was much moderated but perhaps this was no loss as his calmness his gentle seriousness and domestic benevolence were brought out more strikingly than ever Margaret's disappointment lay in the intercourse between themselves that Edward was reserved that beneath his remarkable frankness there lay an uncommiticiveness of disposition no one could before his marriage have made her believe yet it certainly was so though Hester and she never discussed Edward's character more or less though Hester's love for him and Margaret's respect for that love rendered all such conversation impossible Margaret was perfectly well aware that Hester's conviction on this particular point was the same as her own that Hester had discovered that she had not fully understood her husband and that there remained a region of his character into which she had not yet penetrated Margaret was obliged to conclude that all this was natural and right and that what she had heard said of men generally was true even of Edward Hope that there are deaths of character where there are not regions of experience which delay the sympathy and sagacity of women however natural and right all this might be she could not but be sorry for it it brought disappointment to herself as she sadly suspected to Hester while continually and delightedly compelled to honor and regard him more and more and to rely upon him as she had never before relied she felt that he did not win and even did not desire any intimate confidence she found that she could still say things to Maria which she could not say to him and that while their domestic conversation rarely flagged while it embraced a boundless range of fact and all that they could ascertain of morals philosophy and religion the greatest psychological events the most interesting experiences of her life might go forward without express recognition from Edward such was her view of the case and this was the disappointment which in the early days of her new mode of life she had to acknowledge to herself and to conceal from all others one fine bright morning towards the end of January the sisters set out for their walk willingly quitting the clear, crackling fire within for the sharp air and sparkling pathways without which way shall we go? asked Margaret oh I suppose along the high road as usual how provoking it is that we are prevented day after day from getting to the woods by my snow boots not having arrived we will go by Mrs. Howells for the chance of their having come Mrs. Howell had new expressions of continence the gracious and the prim so lately Hester had been flavored with the first exclusively she was now to be amused with variety and the brim was offered to her contemplation never did Mrs. Howells look more visible than today when she scarcely rose from her stool behind the counter to learn what was the errand of her customer you guess what I am come for Mrs. Howell I dare say have my boots arrived yet I am not aware of their having arrived ma'am but Miss Mishkin is now occupied in that department only consider how the winter is getting on Mrs. Howell and I can walk nowhere but in the high road for one of my boot Mrs. Howell curtsied can you not ask in your agent or help me to buy my boots one way or another is there no one in Dearbrook whom you could employ to make me a pair Mrs. Howells cast up her hands and eyes how do other ladies manage to obtain their boots before the snow comes instead of after it was melted perhaps you will ask them yourself ma'am I can see if you know all the ladies in Dearbrook you will find Miss Mishkin in that department ladies if you wish to investigate Hester invaded the domain of Miss Mishkin the shoe shop behind the other counter in the hope of finding something to put on her feet which should enable her to walk where she pleased while engaged in turning over the stock without any help from Miss Mishkin who was imitating Mrs. Howell's distant manner with considerable success a carriage drove up to the door which could be no other than William Hunter's and Lady Hunter's voice was accordingly heard the next minute asking for green sewing silk the gentle draw of Mrs. Howell's tone conveyed that her countenance had resumed its primary expression she observed upon the horrors of the fire which had happened at Blickley the night before Lady Hunter had not heard of it and the relation therefore followed of the burning down of a house and shop in Bickley when a nurse maiden baby were lost in the flames I should hope it is not true observed Lady Hunter last night did you say early this morning there has scarcely been time for the news to arrive of a fire at Blickley early this morning it is certainly true however my lady no doubt whatever of the catastrophe I am grieved to say ladies were sympathetically responded to by Miss Miskin in the back shop but how did you hear it asked Lady Hunter there was no audible answer there were probably signs and imitations of something for Lady Hunter made a circuit around the shop on some pretense and started in at the door of the shoe parlor just as the right moment for perceiving if she so pleased the beautiful smallness of Hester's foot no murmuring conversation then passed at Mrs. Hotwell's counter when the words black servant alone met Margaret's ear Hester found nothing that she could wear the more she pressed for information and assistance about obtaining boots the more provokingly cool Miss Miskin grew at last Hester turned to her sister with a hasty inquiry that was to be done we must hope for better fortune next winter I suppose said Margaret smiling and wet my feet every day this winter said Hester for I will not be confined to the high road for any such reason as this dear me ma'am you are warm simpered Miss Miskin I warm what do you mean Miss Miskin you are warm ma'am not that it is of any consequence but you are a little warm at present nobody can charge that upon you Miss Miskin I must say observe Margaret laughing no ma'am that they cannot know ever will I am not apt to be warm and I hope I can excuse good morning ladies Mrs. Hotwell treated her customers with a swimming curtsy as they went out glancing at her shop woman the while lady hunter favored them with a full stare what excessive impertinence claimed Hester to tell me that I was warm we hoped she could excuse my husband will hardly believe it oh yes he will he knows them for two ignorant silly woman both observing perhaps but not worth minding have you any other shop to go to yes the tin man's for a saucepan or two of a size not yet supplied for which Morris had petitioned the tin man was either unable or not very anxious to understand Hester's requisitions he brought out everything but what was wanted and was so extremely interested in observing something that was going on over the way that he was every moment casting glances abroad between the Dutch ovens and fenders that half darkened his window the ladies at last look over the way too and saw a gig containing a black footman standing before the opposite house a stranger and dear brook observe Margaret as they issued from the shop I do not wonder that Mr. Hill had so little attention to spare for us the sisters had been so accustomed during all the years of their Birmingham life to see faces that they did not know that they could not yet sympathize with the emotions caused in dear brook by the appearance of a stranger they walked on forgetting in conversation all about the gig and black servant Hester had not been pleased by the insufficient attention she had met in both the shops she had visited and she did not enjoy her walk as was her want as they trod the crisp and glittering snow Margaret hoped the little Rawlins and greys were happy in making the snowman which had been the vision of their imaginations since the winter set in but Hester cast longing eyes on the dark woods which sprang from the sheeted meadows and thought nothing could be so delightful as to wander among them and gather icicles from the bows even though the path should be ankle deep in snow just when they were proposing to turn back a horseman appeared on the ridge of the rising ground over which the road passed it is Edward cried Hester I had no idea we should meet him on this road and she quickened her pace and her countenance brightened as if she had not seen him for a month before they met him however the gig with the black footman passed them the gentleman looking round him as if in search of some dwelling hereabouts on approaching hope the stranger drew up touched his hat and asked a question and on receiving the answer bowed turn round and repass Hester as Margaret Hope joined his wife and sister and walked his horse beside the path who is that gentleman Edward I believe it is Mr. Foster the surgeon at Pickley what did he want with you he wanted to know whether he was in the right road to the Russell tailors the Russell tailors your patients once my patients but no longer so it seems that they are Mr. Foster's patients now Hester made no reply can you see from your pathway what is going on below there in the meadow I see the skaters very busy on the pounds why do not you go there instead of walking here every day Margaret had to explain the case about the snow boots for Hester's face was bathed in tears Edward rallied her gently but it would not do she mentioned to him to ride on and he thought it best to do so the sisters proceeded in silence Hester's tears flowing faster and faster instead of walking through Dearbrook she took a back rode homewards and drew down her veil as ill luck would have it however they met Sophia Gray and her sisters and Sophia which stop she was about to turn back with them when she saw that something was the matter and then she checked herself awkwardly and wished her cousins good morning while Fanny and Mary were staring at Hester one not not to mind said Margaret half laughing there are so many causes for growing people's tears but I always feel now as I did when I was a child a shame at being seen in tears and an excessive desire to tell people that I have not been naughty you could not have told Sophia so of me I am sure said Hester yes I could you are not crying because you have been naughty but you are naughty because you cry and that may be cured presently it was not presently cured however during the whole of dinner time Hester's tears continued to flow and she could not eat though she made efforts to do so Edward and Margaret talked a great deal about skating and snowmen and about the fire at Bickley but they came to a stand at last the foot boy went about on tiptoe and shut the door as if he had been in a sick room and this made Hester short sobs only the more audible it was a relief when the oranges were on the table at last and the door closed behind the dinner and the boy Margaret began to peel an orange for her sister and Edward poured out a glass of wine he placed it before her and then drew his chair to her side saying now my dear let us get to the bottom of all this distress no do not try Edward never mind me I shall get the better of this buy and buy only let me alone thank you said hope smiling I like to see people reasonable I am to see you sorrowing in this way and for very sufficient cause and I am neither to mind your own but to be as merry as if nothing had happened is not this reasonable Margaret for very sufficient cause says Hester eagerly yes indeed for very sufficient cause it must be a painful thing to you to find my neighbors beginning to dislike me to have the tradespeople impertinent to you on my account to see my patients leave me and calling somebody from a distance in the face of all dear Brooke it must make you anxious to think what is to become of us if the discontent continues and spreads and it must be a bitter disappointment to you to find that to be my wife it is not to be so happy as we expected here is cause enough for tears in the mist of her grief Hester looked up at her husband with an expression of gratitude and tenderness which consoled him for her I will not answer for it he continued but that we may all three sit down to weep together one of these days and then said Margaret Hester will be in the first to cheer up and comfort us I have no doubt of it replied hope meantime is there anything that you would have done otherwise by me was I right or not to vote and was there anything wrong in my manner of doing it is there any cause whatever for repentance none none cried Hester you have been right throughout I glory in all you do to me it seems that you could not have done otherwise observe Margaret it was a simple unavoidable act done with the simplicity of affairs which happened in natural course I neither repent for you nor glory in it that is just my view of it Margaret and it follows that the consequences are to be taken as coming in natural course too does not this again simplify the affair Hester it lights it up replied Hester it reminds me how all would have been if you had acted otherwise than as you did it is to be sure scarcely possible to conceive of such a thing but if you had not voted I should have not despised you in any degree but lost confidence in you a little that is a very mild way of putting it said hope laughing think heaven we are spared that exclaimed Margaret but brother tell us the worst what you think can come of this displeasure against you I rather suspect however that we have suffered the worst already in discovering that people can be displeased with you that being so extremely rare a lot in this world and especially in the world of a village replied hope I really do not know what to expect as the rare result of this affair nor am I anxious to foresee I never like the sort of attachment that most of my neighbors have testified for me it was to their honor in as far as it showed kindness of heart but it was unreasonable so unreasonable that I imagine the opposite feelings which are now succeeding maybe just as much in excess suppose it should be so Hester well what then she asked sighing suppose our neighbor should send me to Covertry and my patients should leave me so far as that we should not have enough to live on that would be persecution cried Hester brightening I could bear persecution downright persecution you could bear seeing your husband torn by lines in the amphitheater said Margaret smiling but but a toss of Mrs. Howell's head is in undurable said hope with soul enmity Hester looked down blushing like a chit and child but almost this persecution said she what made you ask those questions just now I find my neighbors more angry with me than I could have supposed possible my dear I have been treated with great and growing rudeness for some boys in a place like this you know offenses seldom come alone if you do a thing which a village public does not approve there will be a fence in whatever else you say and do for some time after and I expect that is my case now I may be mistaken however and whatever happens I hope my love we shall all be to the last degree careful not to see what offense where it is not attended not to do the very thing we are suffering under ourselves observe Margaret we will not watch our neighbors and canvass their opinions of us by our own fireside said hope we will conclude them all to be our friends till they give us clear evidence to the contrary shall it not be so love I know what you mean said Hester with some resentment in her voice and manner you cannot trust my temper in your affairs and you are perfectly right your temper is not to be trusted very few are in the first agonies of unpopularity and such faith in one's neighbors as shall supersede watching them hardly to be looked for in the atmosphere of Dearbrook we must all look to ourselves I understand you said Hester I take the lesson home I assure you it is clear to me though your cautious phrase the we and all of us and ourselves but remember this and are not able and not attended to feel alike and if some have less power than others over their sorrow at least over their tears it does not follow that they cannot bear as well what they have to bear if I cannot set looking at Margaret does peeling oranges and philosophizing it may not be that I have less strength at my heart but that I have more at stake more hope started from her side he leaned against the mantelpiece covering his face with his hands at this moment the boy entered with the message from the patient in the next street who wanted Mr. Hope oh do not leave me Edward do not leave me at this moment cried Hester come back for 5 minutes hope quietly said that he should return presently and went out when the hall door was heard to close behind him Hester flung herself down on the sofa whatever momentarily resentment Margaret might have felt at her sister's words if vanished at the sight of Hester's attitude of wretchedness she sat on a footstool behind the sofa and took her sister's hand in hers you are a kinder to me than I deserve murmured Hester but Margaret mind what I say never love and never marry Margaret Margaret later hand on her sister's shoulder saying stop here Hester while I was the only friend you had it was right and kind to tell me all that was in your heart but now that there is one near and dearer and far far worthier than I I can hear nothing like this nor are you fit just now to speak of these serious things you are discomposed one would think you were echoing Miss Miskin Margaret you are warm ma'am but you must hear this much I insist upon it if you would have heard me you would have found that I was not going to say a word about my husband inconsistent with all the love and honor you would have him enjoy I assure you you might trust me not to complain of my husband I have no words and wish to say how noble he is but oh it is all true about the wretchedness of married life I am wretched Margaret so I see said Margaret in deep sorrow life is a blank to me neither wiser nor better nor happier for God having given me all that should make a woman what I meant to be what can God give me more than I have I was just thinking so said Margaret more fully what follows then not that all married people are unhappy because you are yes oh yes all who are capable of happiness all who can love the truth is there is no perfect confidence in the world in one's heart I believe there was and I am disappointed and if you believe there is you will be disappointed too I warn you I shall not neglect your warning but I do believe there is rest for rational affections I am confident there is if the primary condition is fulfilled if there is repose in God together with human love you think that trusting God is wanting in me do let us speak of something else said Margaret we do not talk of ourselves as we do there is something sickly about our state while we do so and we deserve to be suffering as we are come let us be up and doing let me read to you or will you practice with me till Edward comes back not tell you have answered my question Margaret do you believe that my wretchedness is from want of trust in God I believe said Margaret seriously and passionate suffering is from that cause and now Hester no more Hester allowed Margaret to read to her but it would not do she was too highly wrought up for common interests the reading was broken off by her hysterical sobs and it was clear that the best thing to be done was to get her to bed under Morris's care that all allogating conversation might be avoided when Mr. Hope returned Margaret sitting alone at the tea table if she had had no greater power of self control than her sister Edward might have been made wretched of enough for her heart was full of dismay but she felt the importance of the duty of supporting him and he found her through serious apparently cheerful I have sent Hester to bed said she as he entered she was worn out yes just go and speak to her but do not give her the opportunity for a conversation till he has slept tell her that I am going to send her some tea and by that time yours will be ready just one word upon the events of today said Hope as he took his seat at the tea table after having reported that Hester was tolerably composed just one word and no more we must avoid bringing emotions to a point giving occasion for I entirely agree with you said Margaret she requires to be drawn out of herself she cannot bear that opening of the slooshes which is a benefit and comfort to some people let us keep them shut and when it comes to acting see how she will act bless you for that was on Hope's lips but she did not say it tea was soon dismissed and he then took up the newspaper and when that was finished he found he could not read to Margaret he must write he had a case to report for a medical journal that spoiled her evening said Hester languidly when her sister went to bid her good night I have been listening but I could not hear you either laughing or talking because we have been neither laughing nor talking my brother has been writing writing to whom to Emily or to Anne to a far more redoubtable person than ever to the editor of someone of those green and blue periodicals that he devours as if they were poetry and I have been copying music how tired you look well then good night Margaret might well look tired but she did not go to rest for long how should she rest while her soul was sick with dismay her heart weighed down with disappointment her sister sob still sounding in her ear her sister's agonized continence rising up for moments a moment as often as she closed her eyes and all this within the sacred enclosure of home various sanctuary of peace all this where love has guided the suffering one to marriage where there was present neither sickness nor calm nor guilt but the very opposes of all these could it then be true that the only sanctuary of peace is in the heart that while love is in the master passion of humanity the mainspring of human action the crowning interest of human life while it is ordained natural inevitable it should issue as if it were incontinenced by providence unnatural and to be repelled could it be so was Hester's warning against love against marriage reasonable and to be regarded that warning Margaret thought she could never put aside so heavily had it sunk upon her heart crushing she knew not what there if it was not reasonable warning with her should she turn for consolation for Hester if this misery was out of an incapacity in Hester herself for happiness and domestic life then farewell sisterly comfort farewell all the bright visions she had ever indulged on behalf of one who had always been her nearest and dearest instead of these there must be struggle and grief far deeper than the anxious years that were gone struggle with an evil with must grow if it does not diminish and grief for an added sufferer he was destined to receive torture this was not the first time by a hundred that Hester had kept Margaret from a pillow and then driven rest from it but never had the trial been so great as now there had been anxiety formally now there was something like despair after an interval of hope and comparative ease mankind are ignorant enough heaven knows both in the mass about general interests and individually about the things which belong to their peace but of all mortals none perhaps are so awfully self-deluded as the unamiable they do not any more than others sin for the sake of sinning but the amount of woe caused by their selfish unconsciousness is such as may well make their weakness in equivalent for other men's gravest crimes there is a great diversity of hiding places for their consciousness many mansions in the dim prison of discontent but it may be doubted whether in the hour when all shall be uncovered to the internal day there will be revealed allure deep than the hell which they have made they perhaps are only order of evil ones who suffer hell without seeing and knowing that it is hell but they are under a heavier curse than it was they inflict torments second only to their own conscious almost worthy of spirits of light while they complacently conclude themselves the victims of others or pronounce inwardly or aloud that they are too singular or too refined for common appreciation they are putting in modern motion an energy of torture whose aspect will one day blast their minds sight the dumb groans of their victims will sooner or later return upon their ears from the depths of the heaven to which the sorrows of men daily ascend the spirit sinks under the prospect of the retribution of the unamiable if all that happens to be indeed for eternity if there be indeed a record an impress on someone or other human spirit of every chilling frown of every poor less tone of every bitter jest of every insulting word of all abuses of that tremendous power which mind has over mind throbbing pulses the quivering nerves the wrong hearts that surround the unamiable what a cloud of witness is here and what plea shall avail against them the terror of innocence who should know no fear the vindictive emotions of dependence who dare not complain the faintness of heart of lifelong companions the anguish of those who love the unholy exultation of those who hate what an array of abuses is here and where can appeal be lodged against their sentence is pride of singularity rational plea is super refinement or circumstance of god or uncongeniality in man a sufficient ground of appeal when the refinement of one is a grace granted for the luxury of all when circumstance is given to be conquered and uncongeniality is appointed for discipline the sensualist has broodified the serer affect with which he was endowed the depredator has intercepted the rewards of toil and marred the image of justice and dimmed the lustre of faith in men's minds the imperial tyrant has invoked a whirlwind to lay waste for an hour of god's eternal year some region of society but the unamiable the domestic torturer has heaped wrong upon wrong and woe upon woe though the whole portion of time which was given into his power till it could be rash to say that any others are more guilty than he if there be hope or solace for such is that there may have been tempers about him the opposite of his own it is a matter of humiliating gratitude that were some which he could not ruin and that he was the medium of discipline by which they re-exercised in forbearance in divine forgiveness and love let there be solace in such an occasional result let it be made the most of by those to need it for it is the only possible elevation to the remorse let them accept it as the free gift of a mercy which they have insulted and a long suffering which they have to find not thus however did margaret regard the case of her sister she had but of late sees to suppose herself in the wrong when hester was unhappy and though she was now relieved from the responsibility of her sister's peace she was slow to blame reluctant to class the case lower than as one of infirmity her last waking thoughts as they were very late were a pity and of prayer as the door closed behind margaret hope had flung down his pen in one moment she had returned for a book and she found him by the fireside leaning his head upon his arms against the wall there was something in his attitude which started her out of her wish for her book and she quietly with her without it he turned and spoke but she was gone so this is home thought he as he surveyed the room filled as it was with tokens of occupation and appliances of domestic life it is home to be more lonely than ever before and yet never to be alone with my secret at my own table by my own hearth I cannot look up into the faces around me nor say what I am thinking in every act in every word I am in danger of disturbing the innocent even of sullying the pure and of breaking the bruised reed with to god I had never seen them how have I aboard bondage all my life and I am in bondage every hour that I spend at home I have always insisted that there was no bondage but in guilt it is it so if it be so then I am either guilty or in reality free I have settled this before I am guilty or rather I have been guilty and this is my retribution not guilty towards Margaret thank god I have done her no wrong thank god I have never been in her eyes what I must not think of nor could I ever have been if she loves and nearby I am certain though she does not know it herself it is a blessing that she loves him if I could not always feel it so I am not guilty towards her nor towards Hester except in the weakness of declining to inflict that suffering upon her which fearful as it must have been might perhaps have proved less then with all my care she must undergo now there was my fault I did not I declare I seek to attach her I did nothing wrong so far but I dared to measure suffering from my differences presumptuously and vainly and this is my retribution how would it have been if I had allowed them to go back to Birmingham and had been haunted with the image of her there but of why go over this again when my very soul is wary of it all it lies behind and let it be forgotten the present is what I have to do with and it is quite enough I have injured cruelly injured myself and I must bear myself here I am charged with the duty of not casting my shadow over the innocent and of strengthening the infirm I have a clear duty before me that is one blessing the innocent will soon be taken from under my shadow I trust so for my duty there is almost too hard how she would confide in me and I must not let her and must continually disappoint her and suffer in her affection I cannot be to her and I have a vision warrants and all the while her thoughts are my thoughts her but this will never do it is enough that she trusts me and that I deserve that she should this is all that I can never have or hope for but I have won thus much and I shall keep it not a doubt or fear not a moments ruffle of spirits shall she ever experience from me as for my own poor sufferer what months and years are before us both what a discipline before she can be at peace if she were to look forward as I do her heart would sink as mine does and perhaps she would try but we must not look forward if her heart must not sink I must keep it up she has strength under her weakness and I must help her to bring it out and use it there ought to be there must be peace and store for such generosity of spirit as lies under the jealousy for such devotedness for such power Margaret says when it comes to acting see how she will act oh that it might please heaven to send such adversity as would prove to herself how nobly she can act if some strong call on her power would come an aid of what I would feign do for her I care not what it is if I can only witness my own wrong repaired if I can see her blessed from within let all other things be as they may the very thought frees me and I breathe again end of chapter 19 chapter 20 of Dear Brook this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Dear Brook by Harriet Martinio chapter 20 Mama what do you think Fanny and Mary Gray say as Matilda of her mother my dear I wish you would not tease me with what the Gray say they say very little that is worth repeating well but you must hear this mama Fanny and Mary were walking with Sophia yesterday and they met Mrs. Hope and Miss Ibbitson in turnstile lane and Mrs. Hope was crying so you can't think indeed crying what in the middle of the day yes just before dinner she had her veil down and she did not want to stop evidently mama she I would wonder if she did observe Mrs. Rowland from the other side of the newspaper he was reading if doctor and Mrs. Leavitt were to come in the next time you cry Matilda you would not want to stay in the parlor evidently I should think for my part I never show my face when I'm crying you cry Papa cried little Anna do you ever try have you never found me behind the deals or among the sacks in her granary with my finger in my eye no Papa do you show us how you look when you cry Mr. Rowland's face all dullfulness emerged from behind the newspaper and the children shouted but said Matilda observing that her mother's brow began to lower I think it is very odd that Mrs. Hope did not stay at home if she wanted to cry it is so very odd to go crying about the streets I dare say dear Brooke is very much obliged to her said Papa I will be something to talk about for a week but what could she be crying for Papa suppose you ask her my dear had you not better put on your bonnet and go directly to Mr. Hope's and ask with our compliments what Mrs. Hope's was crying for at four o'clock yesterday afternoon better than anybody else nonsense Mr. Rowland observe his lady go children it is very near school time no mama not by go I assist upon it Matilda I will have you do as you bid go George go Anna now my love did I not tell you so long ago do not you remember my observing to you how coldly Mr. Hope took our congratulations on his engagement in the summer I was sure there was something wrong they are not happy depended upon it what a charming discovery that would be you are very provoking Mr. Rowland I do believe you try to imitate Mr. Gray's dry way of talking to his wife I thought I had heard you admire that way my dear for her yes it does very well for a woman like her but I beg you will not try it upon me Mr. Rowland well then Mrs. Rowland I am going to be as serious as ever I was in my life when I warn you how you breathe such suspicion as that the hopes are not happy remember you have no evidence whatever about the matter when you offered Mr. Hope your congratulations he was feeble from illness and probably too much exhausted at the moment to show any feeling one way or another and as for this crying fit of Mrs. Hope's no one is better able than you my dear to tell how many causes there may be for ladies tears beef sides being unhappily married pray Mr. Rowland make yourself easy I beg whom do you suppose I should mention such a thing to you have already mentioned it to yourself and me my dear which is just two persons too many not a word more on the subject if you please Mrs. Rowland saw that this was one of her husband's authority days rare days when she could not have her own way and her quiet husband was really formidable she buckled on her armor therefore a fourth while that armor was silence Mr. Rowland was sufficiently aware of the process now to be gone through to avoid speaking when he knew he should attain no apply he finishes newspaper without further remark looked out a book from the shelves half whistling all the while and left the room meantime the children had gone to the school room disturbing Miss Young nearly an hour too soon Miss Young told them she was not at liberty and when she heard that her mama had sent them away from the drawing room she asked why they could not play as usual it was so cold how did George manage to play George had not to come in with the rest if he could play so could they the little girls had no doubt George would present himself soon they did not know where he had run but he would soon have enough of the cold abroad or up the dullness of the nursery in another moment Miss Young was informed of the fact of Hester's tears of yesterday and much as she wanted the time she was deprived of she was glad the children had come to her that this piece of gossip might be stopped she went somewhere at length with them into the subject of tears showing that it is very hasty to conclude that anyone has been doing wrong even in the case of a child's weeping and much more with a regard to grown people when they had arrived at wondering whether some poor person had been begging of Mrs. Hope or whether one of Mr. Hope's patients that she carried about was very ill or whether anybody had been telling her an affecting story Miss Young brought them to see that they ought not to wish to know that they should no more desire to read Mrs. Hope's thoughts than to look over her shoulder while she was writing a letter she was just telling them a story of a friend of hers who called on an old gentleman and found him in very low spirits with his eyes all red and swollen and how her friend did not know whether to take any notice and how the truth came out that the old gentleman had been reading a touching story she was just coming to an end of this anecdote when the door opened and Margaret entered holding George by the hand Margaret looked rather grave and said I thought I had better come to you first Maria for an explanation which you may be able to give do you know who sent little George with a message to my sister just now I concluded you did not George has been calling at my brother's door with his papa's and mama's compliments and a request to know what Mrs. Hope's was crying for yesterday at four o'clock Maria covered her face with her hands with as much shame as if she had been in fault while oh George was reproachably uttered by the little girls Matilda said Miss Young I trust you to go straight to your papa without saying a word of his trust to anyone else and to ask him to come here this moment I trust you my dear Matilda discharged her trust she peeped into the drawing room and popped out again without speaking when she saw papa was no longer there she found him in the office and brought him without giving any hint of what had happened she was full of concern of course said that she could not blame George though he was certainly much surprised that it would be a lesson to him not to use irony with children since even the broadcast might be thus a misunderstood and that a little family scene had thus been laid open which he should hardly regret if it dolly impressed his children with the folly and unkindness of village gossip he declared he could not be satisfied without apologizing well then without explaining to Mrs. Hope how would it happen and he would do it though the medium of Mr. Hope for to say the truth he was ashamed to face Mrs. Hope till his peace was made Margaret laughed at this and begged him to go home with her but he preferred stepping over to Mrs. Underbyes where Mr. Hope had just been seen to enter Mr. Rowland concluded by saying that he should accept it as a favor in Ms. Libitson as well as Ms. Yon if she would steadily refuse to gratify the pertinent curiously shown by his children in whatever direction it might show itself they were exposed to great danger from example in Dearbrook like most children brought up in small villages he supposed and he owned he dreaded the idea of his children growing up the scourges to society that he considered foolish and malignant gossips to be do sit down Margaret said Maria I shall feel uncomfortable when you are gone you do not stay a minute to turn our thoughts to something pleasanter than this terrible mistake of poor George's I cannot stay now however said Margaret smiling you know I must go and turn my sister's thoughts to something pleasanter there she is sitting at home waiting to know how all this has happened whether she has not been insulted you are right Margaret take haste back to her and beg her pardon for us all shall she not pardon if she will be so kind Margaret was overwhelmed with the petitions for pardon she had to carry and not one of the children asked what Mrs. Hope had been crying for after all Hester looked up anxiously as Margaret entered the drawing room at home it's all a trifle said Margaret Gailey how can it be a trifle the little greys told what they saw yesterday of course and one of the little Rollins what was the reason children can never understand what grown people who have no lessons to learn can cry for you know and Mr. Rowland to make their gossip ridiculous to themselves told them they had better come and ask and poor George who cannot take a joke came without only one knowing where he was gone they were all in great consternation when I told them and there is an ample apology coming to you through Edward that is the whole story except that Mr. Rowland would have come himself to you instead of going to your husband but that he was ashamed of his joke so there is an end of that silly matter unless it be to make George always ask henceforth whether people are in joke or in earnest I think Mr. Rowland might have come to me observe Hester are you sure Mrs. Rowland had nothing to do with it I never saw her nor heard of her you had better not go out today it is so I will like snow I shall be back soon but as I have my bonnet on I shall go and see Johnny Rye and his mother can I do anything for you oh my snow boots but I would not have you to go to Mrs. Howell's while she is in such a mood as she was in yesterday I would not go myself oh I will go I am not afraid of Mrs. Howell and we shall have to encounter her again sooner or later and then see what my diplomacy will affect about the boots Mr. Hope presently came in and found his wife prepared for the apology he brought for Mr. Rowland but it was obvious that Hope's mind was far more occupied than something else where is Margaret she is gone out to widows Rye and to Mrs. Howell's no matter where as long as she is out I want to consult you about something and she drew a chair to the fire and told that he had visited Mrs. Underby whom she found very poorly apparently from agitation of spirits she had died a few tears on reporting her health and had dropped something which he could not understand about this being almost the last time she should be able to speak freely to him Hester anxiously hoped that the good old lady was not really going to die there was no near probability of this her husband assured her he thought Mrs. Underby referred to some other change than dying but what she did not explain she had gone on talking in rather an excited way and at last hinted that she supposed she should not see her son for some time as Mrs. Rowland had imitated that he was fully occupied with the young lady he was going to be married to Mrs. Underby plainly said that she had not heard this from Phillip himself but he seemed to entertain no doubt of the truth of the information she had received she appeared to be struggling to be glad at the news but it was clear that the uppermost feeling was disappointment at leaving no immediate prospect of seeing her son now what are we to think and do said hope this agrees with what Mrs. Rowland told me in Dingleford woods six months ago said Hester and I suppose what she then said may have been true all this time how does that agree with his conduct to Margaret where am I mistaken in what I have told you I have thought about that seriously very seriously how do you suppose the case stands with Margaret I know no more than you I think he went further than he thought if he was thinking of another and but for this conduct since I should have quite concluded from some observations that I have made that he was attached to Margaret and she certainly likes him very well but I can hardly fancy her happiness at stake I have thought her spirit rather flat of late hope sigh deeply ah you may well sigh said Hester sighing herself and seeking back in her chair you know what I am going to say I thought I might be the cause of her being less gay than she should be I have disappointed her expectations I know but let us talk only of her yes let us talk only of her till we have settled what is our duty to her we to tell her of this or not both considered long at length Hester said I think she ought to hear it quietly at home first whether it be true or not to prepare her for anything that may be reported abroad perhaps if you were to drop as we sit together here what Mrs. Utterby said no no not I said hope quickly he went on more calmly her sister and bosom friend is the only person to do this if indeed it ought to be done what the news may be untrue and then she need perhaps never hear it do not let us be in a hurry Hester thought that if Margaret felt nothing more than friendship for Enderby she would still consider herself ill used for the friendship had been so close and one that she might reasonably expect that she should not be left to learn such an event as this from common report but was it certain hope asked that she had anything new to learn was it certain that she was not in his confidence all this time that she had not known ten times as much as Mrs. Rowland from the beginning certainly not from the beginning Hester said and she had a strong persuasion that Margaret was as ignorant as themselves of Enderby's present proceedings and intentions at this moment a note was brought in it was from Mrs. Enderby to Mr. Hope written hurriedly and blustered with tears it told that she had been extremely wrong in mentioning to him prematurely what was uppermost in her mind about a certain family affair and begged the great favor of him to keep to himself what she had divulged and if possible to forget it once more Mr. Hope unconsciously sighed it was at the idea that he should forget such a piece of intelligent poor old lady said Hester she has been taken the task I suppose for relieving her mind to you but Edward this looks more and more as if the news were true my darling Margaret how will it be with her does it not look too like being true love it looks as if Enderby's family all believed it certainly this note settles the matter of our duty however if the affair is so private that Mrs. Enderby is to be punished for telling me it is hardly likely that Margaret will hear it by outdoor chance you are spared the task of the present at least my dear I should like to be sure that Margaret does not love that she might pass through life without loving said Hester sighing but here she comes burn the note the note curled in the flames was consumed and its ashes fluttered up the chimney and Margaret did not enter she had gone straight upstairs she did not come down till dinner was on the table she was then prepared with the announcement that the snow boots might be looked for very soon she told of a visit to widow's ride and had something to say of the probability of snow but she was rather absent and she took wine these were all the circumstances that her anxious sister could fix upon during dinner for silent comment after dinner haven't eaten on orange with something like avidity Margaret withdrew for a very few minutes as the door closed behind her Hester whispered she has heard she knows is it not so there is no problem about it replied Hope examining the screen he held in his hand I wonder who can have told her tellers of bad news are never wanting especially in Dearbrook said Hope with bitterness of tone which Hester had never heard from him before Margaret took up the other screen which she returned and played with it till the table was cleared so that she could have the use of her work box it was Morris who removed from the desert Morris said Mr. Hope as she was leaving the room I want Charles pray and send him Charles is out sir out when will he be back he will be back presently said Margaret I sent him with a note to Maria as she lent over her work again Hester and her husband exchanged glances an answer for Maria soon arrived Margaret read it as she sat her brother and sister carefully withdrawing her observation from her whatever else might be in the note she read aloud in the latter part two or three lines relating in the incident of the morning her voice was husky but her manner was gray during the whole evening she was gay she insisted on making tea she was too quick with the kettle for Edward to help her she proposed music and she sang song after song Hester was completely relived about her and even Edward gave himself up to the hope that all was well with her from music they got to dancing Margaret had learned by sitting with Maria during her children's dancing lesson a new dance which had struck her fancy and they must be ready with it next week at Dr. Levitz alternatively playing the dance when teaching it she ran from piano to them and from them to the piano till they were perfect and her face was as flushed as it could possibly be at Mrs. Levitz dance next week but in the midst of this flush hope saw a shiver and Hester remarked that during the teaching Margaret had evidently without being aware of it squeezed her hand with a force which could not have been supposed to be in her these things and her hope still doubt End of Chapter 20