 Okay, so we had a woman in our community recently ask a question, and so Lucy asks, she says, I have no problem walking away, but it seems like all I am doing anymore. I am just not seeing the quality men anywhere. Where are they? I found men into online dating to be like kids in candy stores. If you don't sleep with them, they're on to the next flavor. No, thank you for this. I am I'm going to pay for a dating service. No. And so kind of the question here is why are men so into hooking up? Where are the good men that I'm looking for? And so today what I'm going to do is I'm going to answer her question and talk about why the surprising reasons why a lot of guys just want a hookup and what you should do if you want them to want something more with you instead. And so and by the way, if you're if you're really serious about getting into a relationship where you want to where you feel seen and appreciated and loved for who you are, make sure that you go to the goddesscommunity.com and consider joining our community there for free. So yeah, my name is Matthew Coase by the way to somebody complained that I didn't say that the other day and welcome to the commitment connection. So so what you know why why do men say this? Why do you hear this all the time? Why are people talking about this? So there are good men everywhere and there are men who are jaded everywhere and I'm kind of hesitant to not call them necessarily good men because there's a lot of good men that are jaded. And we live in a society right now where we have this thing called the hookup culture and you have to realize that it's on both sides. It's not just on men looking to hook up. In fact, if you're in our community, you've probably seen recently a lot of women talking about how they're in these casual friend with benefits situations and there was even a woman that asked how to get into one if you can believe that. Yeah, it was great. And so you have to realize that a lot of people are settling for these superficial relationships instead of getting into something that's deeper and more meaningful. And there's actually a study that was done not too long ago and I'm not sure who all these dating nerds are that are doing all these studies but there was a study that was done where they surveyed men and they found that around 86% of men out there actually want something real. They want a relationship, specifically what it said was they want a relationship that could lead to marriage and having kids. However, what they also said is that most of those men don't believe that they're actually going to find it. And so one of the things that you have to realize is that if a guy is attracted to you if he's physically attracted to you and he doesn't think that you're emotionally the one that he's looking for then he'll settle with a casual friend with benefits situationship if you are willing to settle for a casual friend with benefits situationship. And so also if you're here right now with us in the chat before I get into the three things the three reasons and what to do about it make sure you say hi and let us know where in the world you're watching this from because it's really cool to see all these people from all over the world watching these live streams. It's really awesome. It's a lot of fun. So what are the reasons why this happens and what can you do about it? So the first reason that this happens is because a lot of guys think that you're going to put them into the friend zone. And so the situation that this woman was talking about was going on dates and then this guy she doesn't hook up with a guy and the guy goes on to the next flavor for like the candy shop next flavor, right? And so here's the thing right it one of the biggest fears that men have one of their biggest frustrations one of their biggest annoyances one of their biggest fears is that they end up in the friend zone a lot with women and if he doesn't play his cards right he'll end up in the friend zone almost all the time. And so he needs to make sure that he is creating a situation that leads to physical intimacy or there's a really high probability chance that it's never going to lead to physical intimacy that you're going to friend zone him and that he's going to be like oh well now we're just friends and this is never going to get into the place that I wanted to get to. And so most men know this and so they will try to push things towards a romantic physically intimate relationship as soon as possible because the sooner it gets there the higher the probability that it will ever get there for him and the slower that he does it the less likely it will ever end up in a romantic situation for him. And so what happens a lot of times is that women will end up just saying no to the guy right and denying his advances and pushing him away and being like no no no let's not do that and they'll say you know hey let's just be friends first can't we just be friends first right which is code word to a guy of saying you're never getting anywhere with me you're going to be one of my orbiters forever and it's going to be really painful for you because you're going to really like me and you're not going to get anywhere and so you're stuck in the friend zone good luck with that buddy. And the problem with that if you actually are interested in having a romantic relationship is that he feels that he's going to get stuck there and so a lot of times most men that are looking for something romantic will end up getting out of that completely leaving and not pursuing any kind of a relationship with you at all because he doesn't want to get stuck in that position wasting time money resources because a lot of women out there you have to realize a lot of women will just go on dates because they're bored right some guy comes and talks to him she's not really that interested in him but she's like well I've got nothing else going on he's going to pay for dinner and pay for drinks and take me out and it'll be far more interesting than sitting at home and watching how I met your mother reruns and so I'll go out with him not because I'm interested in anything real with him but because I'm bored out of my mind and so a lot of women will go and do this right and guys know that women do this and so he needs to make sure that it's leading towards something that he wants or he will use and waste a huge portion of his time money and resources and energy chasing after something that's going nowhere and so if you want something different with him then what you have to do is you have to you have to dangle the carrot you have to make sure that he knows that this is moving towards something real and so what you have to do is when you set your boundary when you stop him and you're like hey no you know instead of it being like I had this distinction between like a hard rejection and a soft rejection a hard rejection is when you're like no I'm not interested this is not going anywhere stop get away from me I'm done right and a soft rejection is like and not right now like maybe later maybe I'll be interested later maybe some other time maybe another date maybe another time right and so what you want to do is you want to have soft rejections if you're dating a guy and you want him to continue to pursue you but you're not ready for what he wants right now because you're still figuring out what he wants you're still figuring out whether you like him you're still figuring out whether he's got red flags and whether he's toxic or what's going on with him and so you're not ready quite yet to allow him into your receive him in this kind of way yet and so what you want to do is just let him know that you're still interested and being and what you want to say is yes you know like I'd love to do that with you I'm just not ready to do that yet and when you do that what you're basically saying is that you still got a chance right there's still a chance there's still a chance still a chance for you and so that's number one he thinks that you're trying to friend zone him and he will run run run run run number two is your meeting and letting the wrong types of men into your life and into your world and so you need to find out what a man is looking for before you end up hooking up with him right there's there's some woman in the community the other day was asking about this where she was like oh there's this you know there's this guy and he said that he didn't want something exclusive and I said that I did and we've been kind of hooking up with each other already and now I'm kind of pushing him away but now he's coming back and telling me that he misses me what you know should I should I ever bring it up again it's like you know you wouldn't even be asking that if you hadn't hooked up with him already right because you're you're emotionally involved you're physically involved you're involved from a time standpoint and energy standpoint and so you want to get to the bottom of what's going on sooner rather than later I mean you don't want to come off as like you know some women they go on dates and they're just screening right and that doesn't work very well either if you go on a date and it's like you know interview questions the entire time because you're just you're just trying to find out as quickly as humanly possible whether this guy is the type of guy that you want or not because what ends up happening is he he's not invested in you at all he's not really that interested he's not connecting with you on any other level other than she's attractive and she's kind of boring because all she wants to talk about are these interview questions to kind of screen me out and guys know that you're doing that they know that you're kind of trying to screen them out and those dates are the worst because they're so boring and they're just like it's it's kind of painful it's like painful dating you want to go on painful dates just do that obviously you want to do you want to figure out what he's looking for quickly but you want to do it fun in a fun way in a playful way you want to get to know each other you don't want to bring it out in the very first thing and it's all you talk about and you're just screening each other you want to have fun and enjoy your time together and enjoy your date and talk about things and have a good time while you figure all this stuff out and so you want to do what I talk about in some of the other live streams that I've done where we talk about being playful and having fun and using verbal banter and all that kind of stuff because that's what makes dating a lot of fun and another thing to consider with this one is your patterns right a lot of women have kind of these patterns where they're really really attracted to guys that just want to hook up and so if you're just like that if you're just attracted super attracted to dudes that just want to hook up what you might want to consider is that whenever you're super attracted to a guy that might be a big red flag right it's a big red flag for yourself to look at it and say okay I have this pattern where I only am really attracted to guys who aren't good for me right so maybe what you need to do is you need to break that pattern and you need to start trying different things so if you're going on certain dating websites and you are getting the same thing over and over and over again you should try different dating websites or you should try going out and meeting guys in the real world which I am a huge fan of I think that's the best place to go and do this and you know just do try going out with guys you wouldn't normally go out with you know obviously you need to be attracted to them obviously you know all those things however just try doing different things just break the monotony up try different things that you wouldn't normally do so that you get different results because if you keep doing the same thing over and over again and you're like well why you know every guy is just a player or whatever all of a sudden it's like okay well maybe you should try something different if you want to do something different because like I said earlier most men are looking for something real they just don't believe that they're going to find it so do something different try new areas to go and date break your normal patterns try doing something different if you get what I'm talking about here make sure that you say I get it in the chat make sure you make sure you say I get it I get it I get what you're talking about it's number three number three is the one that most women don't want to look at but it's also a very very important one which is that you're giving off an impression that this is what you're looking for and you know I want to say this at first because this is the big complaint that I get all the time and it's that men are responsible for their behavior men are always responsible for their behavior and so are you and it's one of those things where if you want like if you show up to a job interview and you're like you need to just accept that I'm a serious candidate even though I'm showing up in a clown outfit right it's like okay well how am I supposed to take you seriously when you're wearing a clown outfit and there's actually a Dave Chappelle skit about this where he was talking about wearing like a police police officers uniform and somebody comes up to him and they're like hey hey you know can you help us like when you're a cop right you know like you need to come and help us and he's like well just because I'm wearing a police officers uniform doesn't mean that I'm a police officer right and the point of the skit was that he was it was like a joke like if you're if you want to give off a certain impression you need to make sure that you're dressing the part of a person that wants to give off that impression right if you want to be taken seriously by men as something more than just superficial then play the part of somebody who actually considers something else going on with them and so the point is is if you want men to take you seriously don't show pictures of your butt and half naked photos in your app or online dating profiles it just gives men the wrong impression second set boundaries in your communication with men so that men know where your boundaries are and then stick to those boundaries right the whole thing about exclusivity before intimacy and making sure that you're setting boundaries in the right way right communicating it in an effective way I have a program called how to talk to men or how to talk to a guy I think that's somebody else's program how to talk to men mine is how to talk to a guy and I've got a program about that if you're really interested in learning more about setting boundaries and some of the those kinds of conversations that you want to have with guys third show aspects of your personality if you don't go deep and wide with your connection with men and you're just kind of like this one dimensional person right it's don't be surprised when a guy is only interested in hooking up with you because it's like well I can't really find any other dimensions to a personality so what else is there for me to fall in love with what else is there to connect to what else is there to really be with here other than just the simple things and I know that there's a lot of like complaints around that but it's like you know if you're meeting guys and there's a lot of women out there that are like oh yeah I met this guy and he's just so boring right and there's nothing going on with him right if you go and meet a guy like he feels the same way right he's like yeah you know I don't know she's really hot you know that's what he ends up telling his friends when he goes home she's really hot because that's all that's going on here right and so you want you want to have more there you want to have more going on there alright so that's that is it with those there's three of them number one is he thinks that you're just trying to friend zone him number two is your meeting and letting in the wrong types of men number three is you're giving off an impression that this is what you're looking for this is live stream number three day three how many days can I do live streams in a row I don't know like let's find out I'm in Romania okay so if you've got questions about anything put them in the chat and make sure if you want if you're serious about getting into a relationship where you're really seen and valued and loved for who you are make sure you go check out thegoddiscommunity.com and check out all the cool free stuff that you get there and you'll also get a free copy of the forever woman program that I just created where and you can actually go to theforeverwomanformula.com there should be a link somewhere to just go straight there if you're interested in that as well but you get it as joining for joining our community right now so if you're interested go and check that out it's all about how to how to make sure that you're empowered and you're getting into a great relationship where you're being valued and so it's a and looked at as somebody that a guy wants to be with forever oh get okay let's see what's going on here Julie Tree she's always here you're always here Julie Tree I really appreciate you being here with us there's a mosquito flying around me that's Romania I mean Romania Nuns Island I don't know where that is Candy says wishing I could adopt you I don't I don't know what that means you want to adopt me Grace says so what if you are out of child producing times what if what if you are there's you know there's actually I'm kind of nerdy and knowing about I'm not so nerdy that I'm doing all of these studies but I'm nerdy enough to know about all these studies they've actually found that around 34% of women in America anyway are dating men who are actually younger than them women 34% of women over the age of 40 are dating men who are younger than them right now that's a pretty huge percentage of women that are dating men that are younger than them it's pretty cool it's kind of it's kind of awesome actually Denmark London Virginia Beach Alberta Qatar it's just so amazing there's so many places it's so cool Singapore Didi says I like when you give the male perspective like about men avoiding the friend zone it's it's vital is absolutely vital that you know about that right because women don't they're like oh yeah let's just be friends you know and the guys are like they're like oh my god run right and that's what happens when he thinks that you're gonna friend zone him Nigeria New York not all women are the same yeah that's true not all women are the same not all men are the same I want something real with someone good I'm glad Valerie you should want something real you deserve that Valerie says men confuse me it seems like majority just want sex but I want something real I just talked about that yeah yeah he says sorry I have a question about jealousy in a couple okay well I get so jealous when a Facebook friend of mine of my man likes or adores a certain post of him is this normal what it means is that you're really attracted to him right like jealous jealousy having jealousy having feelings of jealousy is pretty normal it's a normal human emotion that people have and so I wouldn't get all like bent out of shape about the fact that you have jealousy I mean it's one of those things where it's there are it is kind of like a little bit of an indication that that there's a few things going on one is that you're really attracted to somebody and two it's like you know depending on how kind of jealous you are about the situation it might kind of have an indication about your own feelings of security and self-worth and those kinds of things so but you know that's something that that you can work on through kind of healing work and and personal development and and getting through some pains and stuff from the past healing through stuff Fiona says yeah yeah that means it's triggering something in you you must have fears around abandonment could be it could be fears of abandonment it could be about fears of feeling that you're not good enough it depends on how strong the jealousy is right like it's not it's not jealousy is a natural emotion that we all have right and so it just depends on how strong your jealousy is and what kind of issues you have which we all have we all have issues pretend like you don't you probably have the bigger issues so why we get lease says why do we get jealous because it's you know it's probably from our old biology of like back in the day of like being like oh you know like somebody's going to be if we were back in the old days of being in tribes and stuff where it was like hey if you don't keep this partner it might you might you know be offending for yourself in the jungle right that would be a huge problem but nowadays it's like we still have old wiring right and then this is the argument that a lot of people talk about because they're like oh well we're in 2019 you know we should not have to worry about men and women anymore and it's like no we've got biology that goes back a long long time way way way before we were even talking and that biology is strong and so you know jealousy is part of that biology just like the factors that attract one another to each other and so it's not you're not you're not getting rid of it completely I mean I've heard of people that say that they never ever get jealous at all I'm not sure that I totally believe that they might maybe they're just dead inside they're just dead inside and they don't feel anything at all Kelly says how in the world that was probably that was a that was a bit of a joke how in the world do I balance support and leaning back with a dismissive avoidance so he tries to I mean you'd have to talk a little bit more about the situation see he says what if you have physical intimacy he stays in contact every day and shares about his personal life we have great chemistry in all realms but I I am having a hard time reading him what about it what about it are you are you trying to not have the conversations you need to have or are you asking me whether he's a good guy you need to make sure that you have listen you need to make sure that you're having conversations about what he wants and stop trying to find all the clues like I keep talking to these women they're like you know they're like you know like going around you know like a private detective or something you know they think they're they're like I don't know trying to solve some kind of mystery like oh there's a clue it's on the you know white shirt over here there's a blood mark you know and it's like you stop trying to look for all these clues to determine whether he wants something or not and talk to him actually have communication with him about that I hope that's what you're asking about if not actually I hope that's not what you're asking about I hope what you're asking is if he's a good guy but you might want to clarify what you're asking seems like most guys just want sex but I want something real ok not all men are looking for something real you're right about 13% of men are not looking for something real and like I said earlier if he sees you it might not be that he's not looking for something real but it might be that he's not looking for something real with you and you need to figure that out which is another reason why a lot of guys won't if you talk to a guy really early on hey you know what are you looking for right and you haven't connected with him with your personality you guys haven't had any kind of real conversations and you're just like hey what are you looking for you know he's going to look at you and he doesn't want to give you the wrong impression and so he's going to tell you something that you may or may not want to hear which for a lot of guys will be like well you know it'll either be something like well I don't know you know it kind of depends or you know I'm not really sure yet you know or it'll be like hey I'm just looking to like have fun and hang out and you know like whatever right because that is more likely to get him to a relationship believe it or not than saying that he's looking for a relationship if you guys haven't connected and he's not and he hasn't gotten so what you want to do is you want to wait a little bit longer and have a connection with him before you start asking him about these things because if he looks at you and he sees that you're physically attractive to him but he's not sure about your personality yet he's most likely going to tell you that he just wants something casual because he doesn't know because he doesn't know because he doesn't know about you yet so pixie doll says hi Matt went on a date yesterday we had so much fun how do I know he's interested in me well you know he's interested in you because he will contact you again and want to go out and you know assuming that you did things correctly on the date where you let him know that you're interested in him and you do the things that I talk about in the forever woman program and some of the other live streams that we've been having and he knows that you're interested you've been flirting with him there's sexual chemistry all those kinds of things are there then you know that he's still interested because he'll set up another date with you that's how you know he'll contact you and let you know that he wants to see you again Fiona says yes the way you care for yourself is important and it determines what you attract that's right that's exactly the Dave Chappelle skit I am talking about so Nusrat Nusrat says where is it okay hi I've been I've been in this situation from Bangladesh okay Valerie says I think I carry myself well but back then I wasn't aware of red flags I was naive then now I'm aware good Awareness is the beginning Helena Hartz here hello hello Helena thanks for joining our live stream it's always wonderful to see Helena here I love I love when Helena comes and visits my live streams I'm really helping her this week with her live streams because Google Hangouts no longer is in existence or something and so I'm gonna help her with that so be prepared Helena we'll be chatting here this week Grace says I feel I'm just out of my league with this one well that is a bad feeling too rich for me I mean richness doesn't really matter right like if a guy starts having money it's like that doesn't change anything for him like literally like for most men when they start having money it doesn't change how they date the only thing that might change is they might start attracting more gold diggers and so it'll it'll make it so that he's even more desperate to have a real connection with somebody because it really doesn't matter you know guys don't care about it's it's not like for men men don't look at league in terms of money right so if he has a lot of money most guys don't care whether women have any money or not I mean it's nice if they do it's nice if they have a nice job but for the most part they're not attracted to it like most women that I talked to I was talking to some woman actually in San Diego last year and we're we're actually discussing this topic and I was like I was like yeah would you ever date a guy that was a store clerk would you ever date a guy that had just like a job at a convenience store or something like that and she was like no I would never ever do that and I was like well most guys don't care if you're working at a convenience store they don't care if you've just got a regular job they don't care I mean it's cool if you have like this really cool job and you're making a bunch of money and all that kind of stuff but for the most part they don't care women tend to care about this men don't tend to care about this and so you know when you're talking about like him being out of your league don't worry about that don't worry about him having money because that's not why you don't need to have money that he's not out of your league right a guy having money doesn't make him out of your league because that's not what he's looking for in a relationship he's not looking for another person to have money he's looking for somebody to enjoy his life with especially if he has money then what he's really looking for is somebody that's really awesome and has a cool personality and loves him for who he is because he's so used to a lot of women that are like just trying to use him for his money and just trying to get free day you know free dinners and stuff like that and so I wouldn't worry about that Lee says please is porn responsible for men not wanting to have a girlfriend no porn is not responsible for that at all right and neither is the hook up culture the reason that we already talked about all the reasons why why men aren't into that Brenda that was the whole point of the live stream watch the live stream over Brenda says audio it's a little low Matthew I have my speaker high I'm on my phone here I'm not sure where the speaker even is to be honest I have no idea where the speaker is on this phone and I don't know how to increase the volume so sorry about that I hope it I hope you can hear it well Valerie says I don't like guys that are younger than me great it's good to know it's good to know what you like and you don't like Mary says grandma is dating a man 15 years younger because there are so few men alive at her age you know what your grandma just sounds awesome every time I hear about her I think she's amazing Mary Julie tree says I'm 48 Matt and I'm very attracted to younger men that's awesome good for you a lot of a lot of guys like older women you know there's like these these like angry men on the internet that are like that try to attack women they're called migtail I like to call migturds and they're very like they're like oh when a woman hits you know 35 40 she can't date anybody anymore and it's like what are you talking about dude you're out of your mind you know when women hit there's a lot of guys that are younger that like women that are older there's a lot of them I don't think it's the majority but there's a lot and so there's a lot of relationships that happen between guys that are younger and women that are older because it's just nice for a lot of men right they don't have to put up with all the nonsense they don't have to deal with a lot of the games that they have to deal with with younger women they don't have to deal with them being kind of taken back by you know lots of attention right like guys that date younger women a lot of times they have to deal with just nonsense right because the women they don't know what they want they're like confused about everything they're like a lot of them have like you know butterfly syndrome where they're like going after anything that's shiny and loud you know and so a lot of guys date older women because it's just it's easier for them and it's less drama and it's less nonsense not always but many times it can be Grace said trust me younger men isn't always exactly that fun I'm sure I'm sure Alina says should you tell him that you love him if you feel that he loves you and he feels that you love him from how we both act you can tell or just feel I mean you want to you might I did a full thing on this not too long ago but what you want to do is you want to feel it out right and you want to kind of talk about things that you love about each other before you like start dropping the L bomb and so yeah I mean just feel it out a little bit more try to get him to say it you can you can actually say it first which is the best way to do it guys think it's the I so whoever you are whether you're a guy or you're a woman it's always better to get the other person to say it first because they're the one that's taking the risk and so if you can kind of like get into this space of like talking about like you know initially talking about things that you like about each other I have a game that I play it's a fun little game it's called the do you know it's called something like I don't even know the name of my own game it's called do you know what I like about you and so what you do is you say you know what I like about you and then you say things that you like about the other person and then you go your turn your turn like what do you like about me what do you like about me you know and it can be this fun game where you just like basically you're framing your attraction for each other and it's a really cool thing that you can do and you start off doing that and then eventually you can kind of get into like talking about like things that you really like love about each other right like I just love it when you do this I just love it when you do that like it's like oh my god like when you say that to me like it just like makes me feel so good inside and I just feel so cared for and like I've got this big strong man here for me that's just I guess one of my favorite things right and just keep keep it going you know and dial up the emotions dial up and dial down the emotions that's what you do that's that if you want it to move further and further in that direction just dial it up and dial it down like that's that's the power that's where you get a lot of power and you'll get him like feeling it and he'll start getting kind of like almost addicted to that feeling and then you know eventually he'll be like looking at you and he'll he'll you guys will be hanging out with each other maybe you guys are making love or something and he's like looking at you and he's like I want to say it I want to say it I want to say it right now should I say you know and then eventually at some point he'll let it slip I mean you can too it's it's not that big of a deal I mean you can always say it what it does when you say that because it's like kind of a pivotal moment in a relationship is it kind of like lets a little bit of a steam out you know it's like you know opening a pot or something and letting a little bit of steam out but it can also be really really powerful if you're kind of in the moment and you're both feeling it and it's just like you're right there and you say it like you can be really really powerful Lee says I have no friends of mine on Facebook but only people and groups I'm interested in so all are either from USA or Europe okay Martha says I get jealous green-eyed meowing what I don't know when any woman puts her hands hand on my boyfriend's arm so you start meowing with green eyes I'm not sure what that means Didi says do you think it's possible to wait too long to have sex I mean it could end up killing the like that tension that you guys have you know like yeah it could you could end up losing guys because you know just like what we talked about earlier where they feel like they're getting friend-zone and they feel like it's going nowhere but if you're religious yeah I mean it's it's definitely possible you want to make sure that you're doing everything right the whole time you know follow strictly what I talk about in the forever woman program and if you do that and you continue and you continue to make sure that you're fanning that flame of desire that he has then probably won't have a problem but there is a chance that the attraction will die there is a chance the longer it goes however there is a chance that he'll feel like he's getting put into the friend-zone or something like that or that you're playing games with him right and you don't want him to feel like you're playing games with him you don't want him to feel like you're just messing with him which he can feel if you're kind of just drawing it out longer and longer and longer and longer which is why you want to figure out what you're doing right figure out whether this is something that you want to do or something that you don't want to do and you don't want to wait forever to do that CB said he said he wants a relationship as well and I confirmed he doesn't want a FWB awesome Martha says how do I tone down how I feel I know he likes the attention well if you're always giving him attention eventually what's going to happen is he's going to start taking it for granted so you want to create some scarcity there because that is what creates a value in the communication so just pull back a little bit just lean back lean back listen to Helena Hart just lean back a bit just do some leaning back get other things that you're doing have other things going on in your life so that you're not so focused on him in the relationship CB says so yes I am trying to figure out if he is a good guy or not I have had some really bad relationships in the past in the last past so hard to trust my gut yeah I mean if you have a pattern of being with bad guys like I said you want to break that pattern break the pattern do something different try new things Rebecca says are guys just too afraid to be vulnerable are hookups just an excuse for not being for not being insincere it's like a double negative there and a way of hiding inadequacy there's a lot of things that hookups are an excuse for and this is for men and women there's a lot of women that are doing hookups right now because they don't want to have something real they don't want to deal with whatever is going on that's real with them they want to have the physical intimacy they want to feel wanted they want to have all the great things that come with having sex so it's you know men and women are doing this this isn't just men that are doing this it's everybody everybody's doing this right now that's why it feels like that because everybody's doing it and so many guys are so used to this and they're on Tinder and they're like talking to girls and girls are messaging them and they're saying hey what are you interested in and the guy's like he knows that if he says he's looking for something real that if she is just looking to hook up that she's going to be like oh I'm just looking to hook up or I'm just looking for something casual and it'll break that whole thing that they're doing and if he says oh you know I'm just looking to date or I'm just looking to you know like see what's out there or something then he knows that he's opening it up for whatever she's looking for because it's this isn't this is what's happening right now this is the reality of dating women are doing this as well this isn't just men you've got to realize that it's on both sides it's a huge complaint that a lot of guys have right now is that women aren't looking to settle down women aren't looking for anything real women are just looking to hook up with lots of guys and not be with one guy it's on both sides right now it's not just men so Grace says we just don't want to marry again we can't have kids okay it's not necessarily a problem Martha says is he just pushing my buttons by letting other women get that close it's possible it's possible that he's also just he's better at being friends with women you know it kind of depends it depends on you know his upbringing it depends on his personality type it depends on a lot of things that's why you got to kind of learn about him and find out what kind of friends he has if it's mostly women and you're very jealous that might not be a good match for you because he's going to want to keep his friends that he's had around some if he is better at being friends with women he might have had some of these women as his friends for years and years and years some of them might have been people that he's hooked up with and they ended up being like let's just be friends you know so you might want to consider that Rebecca said but wait guys string women because they just want to entertain options not get real with one woman possibly it's possibly that it's possibly that they aren't finding a woman that's meeting their standards and their criteria for a woman that they want to be in a relationship with and so they settle up instead because they're like until I find a girl that I feel meets my standards and who I'm looking for for something real I'm just going to date around and just have fun until I do meet one that meets those standards or makes me feel that way makes me feel like she's the one makes me feel like she's relationship material she's marriage material she's who I'm really looking for a lot of these guys are looking for because they've been burned their parents have been burned they come from families like mine where they both of their parents have been married and divorced three times they've watched their brothers and their cousins and people that they know their good friends being burned by women who have taken them for tons of money and cheated on them and left them and stuff and society right now filled with people that are hurt filled with people that are in pain on both the men and the women's side and so you have to realize that when you're out there dating and you're talking to guys that a lot of guys are hurt a lot of women are hurt a lot of men are hurt and we're all bleeding all over each other because we're not healing our wounds and so you need to just consider some of those things and a lot of guys are a lot more hesitant to get into a committed relationship because they're like I'm not getting into anything unless I know this is right because I don't want some buddy some woman taking my money I don't want some woman I've gotten into toxic relationships so I don't want to get into another toxic relationship and so I'll just do the friend with benefits thing until I figure out what's going on here and he ends up getting comfortable there because he's getting all of his needs met so Joy says I've had a friend come back into my life after many years I was very attracted to him then and still am in his job he travels a lot we don't live close we talk in text how do we move forward there's a video that there's a live stream that I did that was called how to turn your guy friend into your boyfriend you should go watch that video give step by step detail on exactly how to do that pixie doll says Matt what are some odd signs a guy likes you or is interested so what are some odd signs well I mean it kind of depends it depends on you as to what's odd there's a lot of signs that a guy's into you signs that a guy's into you for a while right and some women are like oh you know like what is that he looks at you he likes looking at you he likes being around you he likes being close to you he likes to talk to you if I were you I would just assume that if a guy is trying to hang out with you if he's trying to be around you if he's trying to get near you just assume that he likes you just assume it because there's a 90 at least a 90% chance that he's interested if he's trying to hang out with you at least in something physical if not something that's deeper and so you want to assume that he's interested and then just go from a standpoint of I'm assuming that he's interested what do I do now instead of trying to find signs a lot of guys especially in the men's dating space they'll be like oh okay whatever you try to move forward with a woman you need to look for these signs does she print her hair does she look at you and then look away does she do all these different things and what guys end up finding when they go out on dates is that women aren't doing a lot of those things even though they are interested right and so you just have to assume that the person's interested and move forward with it and if they're not they'll let you know at some point they'll stop you or whatever obviously being a woman you're probably not kind of moving things forward like a guy would but you should definitely treat it that way and if a guy this guy's interested in me and I'm interested in something more what you want to do is connect with him on the different levels like we talked about you want to set boundaries starts kind of pushing things forward you want to make sure that there are kind of romantic undertones to the conversations that you're having and the connection that you're having with him you want to make sure that you're dangling the carrot so that he knows that you're interested in him Julie Trees says amen Matt preach gold diggers everywhere okay Rebecca says if a guy really wants you he will put out all stops to be with you don't waste your time with players well I mean some guys will some guys will do anything to be with you but a lot of guys have been burned so many times on doing anything to be with you that they aren't doing anything to try to be with you anymore because they're like that doesn't that strategy hasn't worked in the past you know and so a lot of guys aren't aren't doing that anymore where they're like you know going all in some will right some absolutely some will and the question is when a guy does that is that a guy that you want is it a guy that you want right because well one of the things that I hear a lot from women is they're like why are the guys that I always want they don't want me and the guys that I don't want they're all they're trying to get all over me right and so you got to consider that you have to consider that Roach Jeanette says I'm 57 and have a 34 year old flirting with me exactly lice sounds lice says sound is perfect okay good Fiona says butterfly syndrome I've never heard that before yeah it's just like somebody's like distracted by lots of things it's usually a lot of younger women are like that a lot of younger guys are like that too right lice said yes a lot of younger men want me see what I'm saying here see what I'm talking about it's no joke it's no joke it's a real thing Martha said I'm 63 and have a 36 year old man at work who flirts with me every day he likes my confidence and style awesome awesome getting it with those younger guys that's good Grace says I know he loves me he told me so my kid is just one of the things he can't take oh he can't take your kid he doesn't want somebody who has a kid well that's interesting I said that and he said hell yeah I know I just told him no you don't lice said as the saying goes love is not a noun it's a verb yeah Joan says I have a hard time dating men my age because sorry but they're just too old in the way they think a lot of them are stuck in an era I evolved with every era I'll soon be 70 I'll be 70 soon I'm still in 40s I'm not sure what you're are you saying you're you're gonna be 70 but you're still in the 40s I have no idea what you're saying right there sorry Joan so Sissy says I'm tired of getting hit on by 20 something year old guys it's annoying I'm 41 I think 5 years younger is fine but more than that no way those guys are filled with testosterone Alina says thank you very much you're welcome you are welcome Rebecca says if you are unsure if a guy is the real deal or just stringing you find a great psychic find out the truth early and I guess you could try that to psychics work I don't know I feel like I have some intuitive powers I don't know if I'd call myself a psychic I joined a psychic training group at one point Arizona that was a lot of fun Joan says it cracks me up when an older guy is bald fat wrinkled up and only wants a Barbie doll like dude have you looked in the yeah I have a friend that's like that he's I was talking to him a couple years ago and he was like he's like yeah you know like I you know I gotta find a woman who's been she's been working out for the last 20 years and I like looked and I'm like you think she's gonna want you like dude you've got like this huge he's got like this huge gut you know he's like totally balding he smokes and stuff I'm like dude some woman that's been working out for 20 years she doesn't want anything to do with you man like what are you talking about what are you talking about what you talking about bro what you talking about you know it's one of those things and that's another part of the culture that we're in right now a lot of people want everything but they're not willing to be everything that deserves what it is that they want Rebecca says all guys want sex anytime or anyhow gentlemen will wait if they are true they will chase okay Joan says I'm I'm almost 70 seeing a man 13 years younger and he doesn't care about my flaws yeah that's what I'm talking about Joan Saba says hi how you doing thanks a lot you're amazing how you help us always okay you're welcome you're welcome I'm glad thanks for thanks for saying that I'm amazing Rebecca says don't hook up if you're wanting lasting love hook ups or playground games that's right Joan says I hate my body he loves me for who I am yeah I mean I work on loving your body you know because that's going to be important because it can get tiring you know if you're a guy and you're like telling a woman that you really like her body and she's constantly like putting her body down she's like oh I'm so gross do you really love it it gets old after a while so you might want to work on that work on the way that you see your body that kind of like being confident in that way is really attractive and it's it's better for you it's better for everybody it'll make you feel better overall it'll make you feel more attractive it'll make him feel more attracted to you Valentina says one and a half years after four and a half of those exclusive me 51 and 55 man he wants real this time he said he don't fit maybe someone more perfect for me but we have sex again I initiate contact he's investing in me and if you helps me with things homework, months, LTR I don't know what you are saying there's like so many things that you're saying in that sentence right there I have no idea what's going on there Valentina says my friend with benefits see, see, here we go we're talking about them exclusive of two months has told me to get a passport and go on holiday in December I'm confused as it's very forward thinking no it's not no it's not, it's not forward thinking for a friend with benefits I wasn't thinking long term but may consider stop thinking that him wanting to take you on vacation is not considering having you in a relationship just don't just get that out of your mind I did a video about this not too long ago it doesn't matter what he does if he is not saying that he wants an exclusive relationship with you do not consider it a real relationship friend with benefits is friend with benefits he might be considering it but he might also be just being like hey this is fun, I'm having a good time let's just continue to have a good time and doing nothing here other than being friend with benefits so don't get in your mind that it's switching because it may very well not be switching and if you think that it's switching and he doesn't which he very well might not you're going to be really confused and you're going to be really heart broken if you start going oh maybe maybe he's opening up to something real and bigger and more with me and he's just like oh yeah we're just having fun this girl that I've been hooking up with she wants to go on vacation with me it's going to be awesome and then you guys go on vacation and you get back and he's just like yeah we're just having fun and he's like wait what you know you don't want to go that route you don't want to go that route unless he talks about it being something more which it doesn't sound like he has Grace no she's just 39 and at home she's young at heart Joan says I had to end that I'm still in 40s the way I think oh Pixie doll says Matt if a guy didn't take advantage of you kissing etc does that mean he's not into you no no most guys like most most guys let me explain something to you here most guys they're not most guys are like nice guys out there and they don't know what they're doing that's probably what's going on right like if he's going out of his way to see you and he keeps going on dates with you and all that kind of stuff assume that he likes you even if he's not trying to push things forward even if he's not trying to kiss even if he's not trying to do any of those things just assume that he likes you and if you want him it kind of tells you a little bit about what's going on with him like you think right now oh he's a gentleman but sooner or later you're going to start thinking like is he not a man which is what a lot of women end up thinking right if a guy goes too fast he's like oh he just wants sex and if a guy goes too slow he's like oh he's not really a man I don't even know what he's doing anymore if he comes and he needs you he likes you and he may just be looking for kind of permission to move things forward which is what I was talking about before with the men's dating industry because they're like oh look for these signs that's when you can move forward and so a guys guys are always looking for permission to move things forward with you and so if he's not seeing those signs or if he's not sure what those signs are if he's really hesitant if he's kind of confused if he's like well I like her and she keeps going on these dates and maybe eventually it'll turn into something there could be a lot of things going on there and if you want to you know see things will go even further my suggestion is that you go watch that video that I did it was called something like 7 flurry questions to ask a guy or something like that and just go watch that video you can go watch the how to turn a guy friend into a boyfriend video watch one of those two videos because those two videos talk about the process that you can use to kind of give him the permission so that he tries to move things forward I actually talk about that in a few of my videos there's one video where I talk about why why high value men don't have men chasing or high value women don't have guys chasing them or something like that it's another one of those videos they're all live streams all those live streams that I'm on okay guys so it has been yes vacation doesn't mean he wants exclusivity doesn't mean anything it doesn't mean anything okay so I got to go here everybody we're over the hour so thank you so much for being here again if you're really serious about getting into a relationship where you're loved and valued if you want to have lots of options with men if you want to create a great connection with a guy where he's falling more and more in love more and more attracted to you go to thegoddiscommunity.com and check out joining our community there you'll get my forever woman program with that where I will teach you how to my system for having options and getting a guy to really see you as a valuable woman that he wants to be with forever the forever woman he will see you as the forever woman so go check that out if you're interested thank you so much for being here this is all about empowering you and helping you have the kinds of relationships that you want to have getting you into a great relationship where you're loved and you're seeing giving you options making you feel empowered and so that's what we're doing here so thank you so much for being here with me