 Ladies and gentlemen, let's talk about how to improve your confidence and how to have more self-love because There's no way to have confidence and hate yourself There is no way and I hear this so often where people are like, well, how do I have more confidence? How do I have more confidence? Well, let's dive into it. Why is self-love so important? Because it either helps your confidence or it herbs your confidence very simple You cannot hate yourself and have this amazing confidence. You're not gonna have confidence You're gonna have, you know, a a mask of confidence that isn't actually true in front of you We know some people when they fully love and accept themselves They end up becoming some of the most confident people that you'll come across so the reason why that's important is because if You're confident. It's very easy to take action If you're confident in yourself and your abilities and who you are It is very easy to take action to create the life that you want to but if you are not confident It's really hard to take action. If you're not confident in your abilities Why would you ever do the hard stuff? Why would you ever take action towards the life that you want because you're thinking in the back of your head? I don't even know if I'm gonna get it But this also affects the way that you feel It's also affects the way that you carry yourself The way that you walk into a room the way that you answer the phone the way that you ask somebody out The way that you ask somebody for an order if you're a salesperson it affects you in every single way that you could possibly think of It will then in turn affect If you do or do not find a significant other that you want it will then Affect every interaction that you have with other people. It'll affect you in every single place So when you hear about it, you're like, oh self-love that sounds real cutesy Well, yeah, sure it could but really what it comes down to is you getting the life that you want to you getting the Partner that you want to you getting the success the happiness the peace the love all of those things that you want to or not because ultimately You're gonna attract somebody who is most likely on the same level as you who is very similar to you in a lot of different ways And if you're not confident You won't be able to attract the person that you truly want because your energy just won't match and men I know you can relate to this to attract a bad-ass Confident awesome woman you have to have another level of confidence Confident women don't go for unconfident men, right? So it all comes back to self-love them So in today's episode, I'm gonna be teaching you some tips on how to have more self-love and in turn that will turn into more confidence, but Imagine with me for a moment. I want to take you through just a Hypothetical situation, which is hypothetical, but then at the same time also still happens too much imagine a child Who the whole time that they live with their parents they're talked down to their entire lives They're told that they're stupid. They're told that they're worthless. They're told that they're unlovable They're told they'll never amount to anything day in day out day in day out They are told this most of the day throughout the day by their parents by people around them by their family Stupid worthless Unlovable never amount to anything. It's terrible, isn't it? But it happens Do you just think about for a second? How wounded do you think that child is gonna be when they get older? Quite wounded, right? Do you think that that will affect them in some sort of way? Yeah, of course. Do you think that it will affect their confidence? Sure. Do you think it'll affect what they believe in themselves when they grow up? Yes, of course You could see that right? You could understand it. It all makes sense to you. I've got a very important question What the fuck is a difference then between you and that child? Nothing. Don't think that because you're older that something is different But there's a difference between that, you know, a little bit of a difference between that child and you That child, their abuser is somebody else For a lot of people listening, you are your own abuser You're the person saying you're worthless. You're the person says you're unlovable You're the person that says you'll never amount to anything. The abuser is you That child can walk away eventually they can move out of the house and a lot of times when you have live in an abusive situation They do end up leaving but you can't walk out of your own head So you are in your own mental prison of talking trash to yourself a lot of times I've been here before I know many people who have been here before and they think that by some way I don't know why they're helping themselves to improve when they talk to himself talk down to themself If you talk negatively down to yourself you talk down to yourself You are your abuser and I always give this example if you've been listening to me for years You've heard me say this before But my friend Jay Shetty did this really great video a few years ago where he sat down with these ladies They were in their 20s and 30s and he said hey, here's a pen and paper I want you to write down all of the things that you say to yourself all the negative things you say to yourself Whatever they are just write them down and they were writing them down They're writing them down made this big huge list of all these negative things He said okay Can you come with me for a second and you take some into a completely different room and in that other room is their little sisters? So these women are in like their 20s and 30s and they have these sisters that are like 8 to 12 probably He has that they have that piece of paper in front of me said okay Now I want you to go ahead and I want you to say to them what she wrote down and The look on these women's faces were like appalled. No, I would never talk to my little sister that way I would never talk to her that way. Okay. Well, why do you talk to yourself that way? What's the difference is there a difference not really because if you beat yourself up and beat yourself up and beat yourself up Beat yourself up of course your confidence gonna be low of course yourself love is going to be low Why would you ever talk to? yourself That way when you wouldn't talk to someone that you love that way You would never talk to someone that you love the way that you talk to yourself in your head sometimes Right another example. I always love to get because it just makes so much sense. Imagine your best friend called you She called you up. She was she had this first date. She was about to go and you're like hey Call me when you get done. I want to hear about it. She's all excited about this little date that she found Maybe it's a blind date. They've never seen each other She shows up at the date. She calls you after and you're all excited to hear the story So you answer the phone you're like hey, how'd it go? And she's like well You know He was really nice. He was real cute. He was awesome I was really starting to like him and then just in the middle of the date. He was like listen I don't think this is gonna work out. Maybe you should just stay friends Would you ever say to her? Well? You know what Stacey that does kind of make some sense. She's like what that does make sense Because you have been put you I mean you have been putting on like we're putting on a little bit of weight You aren't the smartest personality actually pretty stupid You know you're getting older You're a little bit more wrinkly than used to be a little bit more chunky than used to be you're pretty stupid and At the same time, I think you're pretty unlovable Would you ever say that to your friend who is going through all of this stuff of this guy that she was just liking on this day You never say that right so why Do people say that to themselves? Why do you say that type of stuff to yourself? You know when you go in and you go on a date and then the person is interested in and you're like God It makes sense because you're stupid because you're fat because you're unlovable It's because you put on some weight because you're getting older I'm sure there's somebody prettier out there that he would want to go for right Why do you do that to yourself if you wouldn't do it to a friend? It doesn't make any sense You know if you don't get the promotion that you want to are you like God's because you're stupid It's because you don't you need to get your shit together because you don't you're not good in front of people You know, you're just stupid. You're never gonna be able to amount to any to anything This is how a lot of people talk to themselves in their head. You might be one of them But the question that I have for you is what and who is that benefiting? Hey, thanks so much for watching this video if you love this video Please hit the like button it helps more than you know And if you want to see more videos like this hit the subscribe button so that you could see some more and get notified the next time I post What good is going to come from that? I have so I have a really great friend of mine who used to just be the worst at Talking trash to herself all of the time And when she would tell me the stuff that she would say I was like what you say that to yourself You know how terrible that is no wonder why her confidence was so so low and over time It's been about three years. She's been on a self-love journey and really what she's been doing She's been growing and working on herself. She's done for being honest She's done some psychedelic journeys, you know, she's done mushrooms. She's on ayahuasca She's done some other stuff not saying those are necessary, but that's just telling you what she's worked on Right a bunch of books hired her own coach started working on herself and Realized over time. She started to let those go because they weren't helping her in any sort of way But she used to look at herself in the mirror and just talk so much trash Right, so what do you say when you look in the mirror? Do you look at yourself and you're like damn you're looking fat? You got another lump, you know You're getting a little bit chunky Can't fit into your jeans anymore, you know, even if you are fit you like yeah, you're just ugly your hair Looks like shit. Like what do you say to yourself when you're looking in the mirror or do you look at yourself? You're like damn you're looking good. Hey, you know what you got a little bit extra weight But you are in the process of getting the best shape of your life. I believe in you. I know you can do this I love you. There was a time When I I didn't know that I had self-love issues when I was younger, but I do remember That's probably about 20 21 years old and when this guy come and speak to us at the company that I worked at He said if you want to see massive changes in your life, just go ahead and tell yourself I love you in the mirror every single day a hundred times and at that point in time. I was broke Had no success and I was like I'll do whatever the hell anybody successful tells me to do so I was like, okay I'll just do it So I would just sit there and I would say, you know, you look yourself in the eye and you're like, I love you I love you. I love you and it gets kind of awkward. You're like, why am I so awkward? I'm literally just talking to myself. This is interesting. You start to notice things about yourself and What happens is you start to do it over and over and over and over and over again what you start to realize is that Your story in your head if you do talk negatively to yourself slowly starts to change because the I love you is starting to literally be so much Heavy there's so much more. There's a hundred of those every single day Compared to all the other stuff that you say and over time over and over and over and over again You're starting to get a real Reprogramming of your own mind Because all too often what happens is we get caught up in caught up in comparison versus be like, hey I just love you the way that you are But the problem with comparison and seeing the other people on Instagram and seeing what other people's lives are is Comparison is the thief of all joy You know, it's not that you don't love your body You don't love your body because you're looking on Instagram, you know You tell yourself you you know, you're getting fat because you're comparing yourself to a photoshop model on Instagram You know, you talk trash to yourself because your friend from high school who you haven't seen in 16 years just bought a massive house or You know, you're pissed off that you're driving a you know, a 17 year old Kia and you're thinking about the 18 year old Bitcoin millionaire who's putting up pictures of his you know, brand new Lamborghini and you're stuck in this comparison And comparison is not a bad thing Depends on what you're comparing. That's what actually matters. People always like comparison is so terrible Well depends on what you're comparing humans compare, you know, if you think of where this goes back to years and years, you know 100,000 years ago if We see an animal Flying at us from a distance the big huge animal on the ground running towards us. We need to compare Okay, how big is that animal compared to me? Is it smaller than me? Is there something to be worried about? How fast is this animal coming? Do I need to run from it? Do I have enough time to run from it? Do I need to run up a tree instead of run from this animal in a different direction and Comparison is something that actually kept us alive in some ways It still exists nowadays But it doesn't mean that we need to compare ourselves with other people and then make ourselves feel like crap because that sort of comparison is the thief of all joy So when you look at your life You are where you are. That's a fact you weigh as much as you weigh That's a fact your bank account has as much as it has. That's a fact You can't change that in any way right now. The only thing you could change is where you go from here forward What you do from here to the next moment? I do know one fact It will be a lot harder to go to the gym To stop procrastinating to work hard on yourself when you feel like crap and guess what when you talk trash yourself Doesn't that make you feel like crap? So if you actually want to change yourself you should probably be on your your own side You should probably start motivating yourself start talking better yourself, but you have to start thinking about this How much better do you feel When you talk better to yourself, how much better do you feel when you think better of yourself? How much better do you feel when you get like, you know, I can give example for for a guy ladies I'm sure you have the exact same example, but in a different way, but men probably knows feeling I know that when I have like a really nice suit and I go out I feel differently about myself What if you felt that way all of the time? How could you bring that in more? How does that make you feel to be like that? Could you do more of that for yourself? Imagine if you had that feeling all day Imagine what you could do if you had that feeling all day because ultimately you have to be your biggest fan You have to be when no one else believes in you you have to believe in yourself You have to be your biggest fan, but most people are the biggest critic and being your biggest critic is not going to help you in any sort of way You have to get on your own side be your biggest fan And when you do that you'll start to have more people come on to your side and be a big fan of yours You know like I used to always do talks and there's one thing I used to do is really interesting When I really started to see that a lot of people had self-love issues is I used to give talks and I'd be in front of everybody and say okay. I'm gonna give you 60 seconds I want you to write down everything That's not good about yourself that you don't like about yourself everything you hate about yourself ready set go and people would like Furiously write so many things what they don't like they don't like their hair. They don't like their ass They don't like their legs. They don't like how they fit in jeans. They don't like blah blah blah They don't like their intelligence of all kinds of things massive list of all of the things they don't like about themselves Okay, time's up 60 seconds people would have these huge lists. It was crazy and I'd say okay Now there's 60 seconds go ahead and write down everything that you love about yourself. It was like crickets People come up like four things they come up like 75 things are the things they hate about themselves 34 things about things they hate about themselves. They come up like four things. They love about themselves People are too busy focusing on the things. They don't like about themselves versus the thing they do like about themselves When you love something you want to help it and you want to improve it If you don't love yourself, you don't want to help yourself and improve yourself if you hate your body You can change your body by hating it or you can love your body so much that you want to take better care of it If you focus on shit, you will get more shit. There's actually The rock has a quote and the quote is when you focus on you you grow When you focus on shit shit gross and you got to start thinking to yourself What am I focusing on throughout the day? You know and make a list do this for yourself If you want to try to help yourself get rid of these things Make a list of all of the things that you say to yourself all of your fears all of your limiting beliefs all the things You hate about yourself Make this massive list look at it take a lighter and set it on fire now, you know Make sure you do this in a safe place throw it inside of a you know your bathtub or whatever it is Don't burn your house down then and blame me for your house burning down But look at all of your fears write them all down get everything down on pen and paper Take a pen and paper write it all down and then take your lighter and light it on fire and tell yourself That's the last time that I can say that's myself from now on I'm going to be my best friend from now on I'm gonna be my biggest fan and not my biggest critic from now on I'm going to talk positively to myself because I need someone in my corner All day every day and that needs to be me Because ultimately what you focus on you get more of focus on you you'll get more growth if you focus on shit You'll get more shit