RE: Natalie Portman Rap





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Published on Jul 8, 2006

This is a poorly executed but high concept response to The Lonely Island's Natalie Portman Rap from SNL. I studied film with my classmate Akiva Schaffer so consider this a tribute.


We're sitting here today with idiot Ryan Reyes
Natalie (yes) what the hell's wrong?
Confess, was it PMS singing on that song (no)
Let's hang out! Give me a call!
You better not have an angry cyclops
between two balls
Now I feel like Eminem's Stan
Stressed and depressed, are you a man?
Is there a pistol in your holster?
Is that why they cut the full frontal from 'Closer'?
(Do you really want to know?) Yes!
(Do you really want to know?) I just said!
(Is that what you want?)
What's with this suck my d*ck gibberish?
V is for Vagina, lick my clitoris!
I know all there is to know
about the Crying Game
I've had my share of the Crying Game
'Cause my heart's Broke, what? Back Mountain
What? Damn!
Natalie I bet you woulda found Osama
Queen Amidala (Evie Hammond) Hot Momma!
Whatever it is they call ya, you're so cute!
Harvard, a vegan, and a good actor too!
I bet you can spontaneously combust on que
But real quick what's with bald chicks saying
(Suck my d*ck!)
Well, I guess it sells tickets and licorice
You put the P.H. in filth, lick my clitoris!
What a wicked thing to do
to make me dream of you
What a wicked game to play
to make me feel this way
Natalie, I'm not crazy, I'm not an obsessed fan
I just wanna walk hand in hand
with you in the sand
I'll gladly do your laundry, watch Dirty Dancing
Here's an idea, a doppleganger tag team!
(Ideas are bullet proof)
And this is the truth, unless I'm way off (chaos)
You want to quit this stardom sh*t &
take the day off (all the time)
So you can spend it with me
topless at the beach
Screaming suck my d*ck to paparazzi!
(Do you understand what I'm telling you?)
Yeah, Britney style bee-itches! F*ck you!
(Sorry about that little interuption there)
(Believe me Natalie, listen Natalie, this is)
(The fifth...)
(Living side by side in peace)
(...of November)

The mashup includes footage/music from V For Vendetta, The Crying Game, G.I. Jane, Closer, The Upside Of Anger, The Killers, John Lennon, Queen, Chris Isaak, Johnny Cash, Brokeback Mountain, George Bush, the war in Iraq, & Natalie Portman's Rap with original music by King Barf.

Original Song's lyrics:
Chris: We're sitting here today with film star Natilalie Portman.
Natalie: Hello
Chris: So Natalie, tell us what a day in the life of Natalie Portman is like?
Natalie: Do you really want to know?
Chris: Please tell us.
Natalie (Rap)
I don't sleep motherf*cker off that Yak and the durbin'
Doin' 120 getting' head while I'm swerving
(Seth: Damn Natalie, you a crazy chick.)
Yo, shut the fuck up and suck my dick.
I'm bustin' dudes valves like gushers motherf*cker.
Pull up to NBC and smack the sh*t outta Jeff Zucker.
What you want Natalie? (To drink and fight!)
What you need Natalie? (To f*ck all night!)
Don't test me when I'm crazy off that airplane group
Put my foot down your throat til your sh*t's in my shoe.
Leave you screamin, pay for my dry-cleaning
F*ck your man it's my name that he's screamin?
Chris: I'm sorry Natalie, are we to believe that you condone driving while intoxicated?
Natalie: I never said that I was a role model
Chris: But, what about the kids that look up to you, do you have a message for them?
Natalie (Rap):
All the kids lookin up to me can suck my dick
It's Portman motherf*cker, drink til I'm sick
Slit your throat and pour nitrous down the hole
Watch you laugh and cry
While I laugh, you die
And to all the dudes, you know I'm talking to you
(We love you Natalie!) I wanna f*ck you too!
(Hey!) It's for Portman!
(Hey!) It's for p*ssies!
I'll kill your f*ckin dog for fun, so don't push me
Chris: Well Natalie, I'm surprised, all this coming from a Harvard graduate?
Natalie: Well, there's a lot you may not know about me.
Chris: Really, such as?
Natalie (Bridge):
When I was in Harvard I smoked weed everyday
I cheated every test and snorted all the yay
I gotta def posse, you gotta lot of dudes
I sit right down on your face and take sh*t
Andy (Refrain):
Natalie, you are a bad ass bitch (Hell Yeah!)
And I'll always pay for your dry-cleaning
When my sh*t gets in your shoe (What!)
As for the drug use
Well I can't vouch for that
My dick is scared of you (Ooh)
Chris: Natalie, one final question, if you could steal a smooch from any guy in Hollywood who would it?
Natalie: No more questions.

natalie portman saturday night live snl andy samberg lryics "natalie portman rap" "natalie's rap" "gangsta rap" gangster gangsta rap "saturday night live" "andy samberg" "lonely island" "the lonely island" "natalie portman" "nataly portman" Chris Parnell Seth Meyers "Chris Parnell" "Seth Meyers"


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