 The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston and Phil Harris and his orchestra. The orchestra opens a program with I double dare you. Although Christmas is six days away, we want to say our Merry Christmas now. We hope you'll have a swell holiday, lots of fun and plenty of good things to eat. And here's a suggestion for these holiday nights at June when you're also very, very busy. Serve Jell-O for dessert. It's quick and easy to prepare and it's light and delicious to eat. Just the right dessert for the holiday meals. A glowing mold of colorful Jell-O will tempt every appetite. For Jell-O is so gay and cheerful to look at with colors that match the holiday spirit. And Jell-O is perfectly grand to taste. It's crammed with extra-rich fruit flavor, a true fruit goodness that simply cannot be topped. Only Jell-O brings you this extra-rich fruit flavor, so don't accept any substitutes. Look for the big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O. That was our double dare you played by Phil Harris and his orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we bring you the only adult in the world who wrote a letter to Sandy Claus, Jack Benny. Thank you. Hello again. This is Jack Benny talking and, Don, I would never have told you about writing that letter if I thought you were going to publicize it. I only wrote to Sandy Claus for sentimental reasons. That's all. Sentimental reasons? Yes, I've been corresponding with him for years and I'm not going to break it off now. I merely asked him where that sled was he promised me 35 years ago. Oh, but, Jack, you're too old for that sort of thing. Listen, Don, this is the time of year when we should all be kids. The only way to enjoy the holiday season. Well, I guess you're right, Jack, so you're acting like a kid these days, huh? Am I? Why, this morning I wouldn't eat my spinach till the cook gave me a nickel. And you know what I did right after breakfast? What? I went out and played marbles with the kids at Adolf Monju. And, Don, you know how kids are. We even got into a big fight. Oh, you and Adolf? Oh, now what were you fighting about? Well, he said he had bigger bags under his eyes than I had. And you know, Don, that's a lie. Imagine you two children fighting like that. Didn't anyone try to stop you? Well, yes, his mother came out and was going to give us a spanking, but she had too much respect for our gray hair. By the way, Don, not meaning to change the subject. I mean, well, I won't be seeing you again till after Christmas, so I, well, I thought I brought you a little present, you know, a little remembrance. And I hope you like it. Oh, you didn't have to do that. I know, Don, but here you are. Gee, thanks, Jack. That's awfully sweet of you. What is it? Oh, nothing much. Just a little novelty I picked up. It's a combination electric razor and shoe brush. Oh, that is a novelty. I'll say it is. You can shave and get a shine at the same time. Oh, you can? Yeah. Of course, you'll have to hang your shoes on your ears. It's a cute gadget, isn't it? Oh, I can hardly wait to try it, but you know, Jack, this really makes me feel awfully cheap. Well, I, you know, I was so busy this week that I forgot to get something for you. Oh, what's that? What? Oh, I, I'm really frightfully sorry, Jack, but it just slipped my mind. Oh, that's all right, Don. Say it could happen to anybody. You just forgot, that's all. Yes, I'm afraid I did. You won't hold that against me, will you? No. If you walk in here some Sunday night and find another announcer, this had nothing to do with it. Believe me. Oh, Phil. Hey, Phil. Yes, Jack. I suppose I'll be seeing you either until next Sunday, so I brought you a little something as a yuletide remembrance. I, I hope you like it. Oh, Jack. Here you are, kid. Merry Christmas. Thanks, Jack. That's awfully nice of you. What is it? Well, Phil, I know how fussy you always are about your appearance, so I bought you something for your hair. If it's a ribbon, you can keep it. It's not a ribbon. It's a new hair tonic and dressing. Sort of a scalp mayonnaise. That's fine. Now I'll have to comb my hair with a solid fork. That's the idea, Phil. Here you are, kid, and Merry Christmas. Same to you, old boy. But you know, Jack, you're giving me this lovely gift makes me feel like a heel. Why, Phil? Well, I intended to get something for you, but I kept putting it off and putting it off, and I didn't get you a thing. You didn't? Well, that's what I mean. Well, don't worry about it, Phil. No kidding, Jack. I feel rotten about it. Oh, forget it, kid. After all, it's the thought that counts, and I know you were thinking of me. Yes, I was. That's all that matters. Anyway, Jack, I'll make up for it. Next Christmas, I'll buy you a real present. If you're here, Phil. If you're here. Anyway, it's more fun to give than to receive. Oh, hello, Merry. Hello, Jack. What are you doing? I'm playing sandy claws on a one-way street. Well, Merry, I see you're wearing that little charm bracelet I sent you yesterday. Do you like it? Oh, Jack, it's simply gorgeous. Hey, Phil, down. Look what Jack gave me. Say, Merry, that's beautiful. Boy, that's all right. And look what it says on the inside. Genuine 14-karat gold plated. That's a misprint or I've been robbed. What are those charms there, Merry? Well, here's a little mermaid, and here's a little fish, a little frog, a seahorse, a crab, a lobster. How do you like it, Merry? Fine. Only I'll have to keep it under water. And, oh, Jack, here's a charm I can't make out. What is it? That's the price tag. Take it off. Let's see that tag, Merry. Never mind that. I paid $198 for that bracelet. If you did, the decimal point's in the wrong place. Well, anyway, it's my little sentiment toward you, and a happy Christmas, Merry. Thanks. You know, Jack, I hate to say this, and I suppose I'm the only one. Here I go again, foe. But I didn't buy anything for you. I thought of everything. I was going to get you some gloves, but I didn't know what size you are. Well, that's natural. That's natural. And then I was going to get you some handkerchief, but I didn't know the size of your nose. Well, that could happen, too, yes. And then I was going to get you a box of cigars. But you didn't know the size of my mouth, I know. That's right. See, I'm so ashamed of myself. Oh, don't feel that way, Merry. And listen, fellas, I didn't give you these presents expecting anything in return. So don't worry, you're pretty little heads about it. And now, folks, we, uh, come in. Mr. Benny? Yes? I'd like to come to you and bring you greetings, good and true. Well, and now that my good deed is through, I'll say farewell and nuts to you. Goodbye. You know, Merry, I'd like to hang that guy on my Christmas tree. Play, please. Oh, he's tan, he's terrific, from the Cotton Club Parade, played by the man who thinks of me every Christmas and his orchestra. And say, Phil, before I forget it, I brought a little present for the boys in your band. I didn't want to forget them either. Here it is, a pint of good old California wine. A pint for each of them? No, no, one bottle for the whole gang. Okay, put a nipple on it and I'll serve it. Oh, just pass it around, they can handle it. Say, Phil, I got presents for the boys, too. Well, thanks, Merry. What have you got for them, Merry? Well, I need little sweaters for all their instruments. Oh, isn't that cute? There's nothing like a turtleneck saxophone. But what did you get for the boys? The boys? Yeah. Oh, I needed them socks, but they turned out to be mittens. Oh, that's fine, imagine them putting mittens on their feet. What are you laughing at? When they weigh that, me they'll fall down. Well, anyway, Merry, your intentions were good and that's what really counts. Oh, hello, Kenny. Hello, Jack, season's greetings. Same to you, Kenny. You know, Jack, this being so near Christmas, I was thinking of you all week. You were? Yeah, what did you buy me? Oh, that was subtle. Well, Kenny, I've given everyone else a present. I just got in, I've got one for you, too. Here it is. What is it? It's a musical collar button. No, really, no, it is a musical. Every time it rolls under the dresser, it plays, here am I. From the picture of the same name. Yes. I hope you like it, Kenny. Gee, I can't wait till I lose it. Well, don't you dare. It cost me a lot of money. Well, thanks, Jack. And I don't know how to tell you this, but I, well, I feel like a... A heel, I know. Listen, Kenny, you didn't have to get me anything. You don't have to worry about that. Say, what did you get for your girl? A traveling bag. She asked me to get her one. A traveling bag? What does she want with that? She's gonna lope with some guy. Why, Kenny, do you know what a lope means? No. It means she's gonna run away and get married. What's she running for? What's she running for? Did you hear that, Mary? No, I'm gonna listen to Don. Go ahead, Don. Ladies and gentlemen, as long as you're running, run to your nearest grocer and ask for a package of jello. It's tempting, economical, and easy to make. Oh, thanks, Mary. It was a pleasure, Don. Oh, I enjoyed it tremendously, too. So unexpected. Don, you're just a whiz. And now, going from the six delicious flavors to our sketch, tonight we will present the... Come in. Package for Jack Benny. Oh, a package. It must be for my father. He's the only one who thinks of me, anyway. Right here, boy. Oh, wait a minute. Here's a nickel for you. Thanks, Diamond Jim. Fresh guy. Gee, I wonder what's in this package. Why don't you look at the card? The card? Oh, yes. The... Well, I'll be... Read it, Jack. Oh, gee. To our pal, Jack. Merry Christmas from Don Phil, Mary, Kenny, Andy, and Schlepperman. Say, what is this, anyway? Surprise! Surprise! Oh, hey, this is a surprise. Open it, Jack. You'll love it. Gee, it kind of took me unawares there for a... Just for a minute, I thought that... Come on, Jack, open it. Okay. Sure. I didn't expect this, fellas. Oh, my goodness. To Lollapalooza, huh, Jack? Gosh, pretty snappy, eh? Oh, I can hardly talk. Gee, fellas, what a present. Twin waffle irons. And electric, too. Oh, fellas, you shouldn't have done it. Do you like it, Jack? Oh, boy, now I'll never have to wait for that extra waffle. Oh, John, so happy I could cook. We knew you'd like it. Like it, I adore it. But if I put on weight, fellas, it'll be your fault. Gee, this is a swell dip. Sing, Kenny. Mary, how do you whip up a strawberry waffle batter? Well, you take my strawberry and then... Our love affair is ended. Must mean there's someone new once in a while. Will you try to give one little once in a while? Some of the moments I shared apart may remain... Hey, Kenny Baker and very good, Kenny. I'm not saying that just because you're chipped in to buy my gift, either. And say, Kenny, I'll give a big waffle party next week and you're all invited. You know I never ate one. What's a waffle, Jack? Well, Kenny, a waffle is a sort of a... Well, it's a cross between a pancake and a doily. Is that clear, Kenny? Yeah. Hmm. And now, folks, this holiday season is dedicated for the most part to the happiness of little children. Our play tonight is for the kitties of America. So this evening we are going to present our version of that famous fairy tale, Little Red Riding Hood. Little Red Riding Hood. Hmm. Now, I'll play the part of Old Man Hood. Mary will be my daughter, Red. And Kenny will be my son, Robin. Robin Hood. Are you laughing, kitties? If they are, it's just something else. Now, let's see. Don and Phil. Oh, yes. Don Wilson will be a tree in the woods. And, uh... Phil Harris will be a woodchopper who cuts down Wilson. Take it easy, Phil. You know how ticklish I am. I'll see. Well, Phil will use a dull axe. It's all right. I will. Now, let's see. We got our play almost cast. Oh, my goodness. I forgot the most important part of all. The wolf. Now, who'll be the wolf? Say, Jack, I'll take a fling at it. No, Phil. You're more of the rat type. I know what. I'll be the wolf myself. I'll play two-part. Ooh! Did that sound like a wolf, Mary? Sound more like a toothache. All right. I'll be a wolf with a toothache. And now, folks... Say, Jack, who's going to be the grandmother? I won't tell. That's a surprise. So now, folks, we're going to present Little Red Riding Hood or Mr. Wolf Goes to Town. The scene opens in the farmhouse of Mr. and Mrs. Riding Hood where we find the elderly couple busy decorating their Christmas tree. Curtain. Music. Well, Ma, that tree, uh, tree is shaping up mighty pretty. I hope the children will like it. Oh, they will. Out! Don't go on it, Ma. I wish you'd put your glasses on. At the third time, you try to pin that star on my nose. I can't help it. It looks like a branch. Well, that ain't exactly a freckle you're inhaling through. Now, let's see. We only have one more thing to hang up on the top of the tree. Hold this ladder while I get up there. Hold it steady now. I got her, Pa. It sure looks pretty. Ain't been so high since last New Year's Eve. Hold steady there, Ma. I'm holding. Sarnit. You fell down, Pa. Oh, did I? You must be psychic. It's all your fault, Ma. Why didn't you hold the ladder? I did, and I'm still holding it. At the floor lamp, I told you to put your glasses on. Doggone, if this wasn't our anniversary, I'd slug you. You want to make the next one, you better not. Now, listen, Ma, don't you threaten me, or you'll be looking at sandy claws through a piece of beef steak. Come in. Hello, Pa. Hello, Ma. Hello, son. What's the idea wrapping on the door? Why didn't you walk right in? I thought you and Ma might be necking. Oh, we're too old for that. Speak for yourself, you anemic Casanova. Pipe down, Ma, or I'll put termites in your butthole. Well, son, are you through with your chores? Yep. Did you melt the cow? Sure did. I creamed her, too. Some farmer. Where's your sister, Red? I mean, where's your sister, Red? She's outside making a snowman. Doggone, that girl. I wish you'd come in. The wolves are thickening thieves around here. Hello, Red. Hello, Pa. Hello, Ma. Hello, Dolores. Dolores. That's the cat. Oh. I never knew her name. We were worried about you, Red. Yes, out there all alone with all those wolves. Any of them come close to you? How do you think I got this fur coat? That's good-looking fur. It feels nice and silky. Out! Guess I didn't kill them enough. Have you heard from Grandma today? Grandma? No. She's been sticking bed with the cold. I wonder how she's coming along. Why don't you call her up and find out? I think I will. Where's the phone? On the Christmas tree. Oh, yes. Operator, get me broken down 8400. Hope she's better. Here's your potty. Thanks. Oh, hello, Grandma. How are you feeling? I feel terrible, son. How are you? Your cold seems to be getting worse. Got any chills? This ain't the rum I'm doing. Grandma, you just stay in bed and take care of yourself. I'll send Red over with some hot soup for you. Okay. Have her bring some cigars, too. All right. Goodbye. Goodbye, son. What kind of soup we got, Ma? Turtle. Here it is. Turtle? Is that Mark or Green? Looks like mud to me. It is. Now, Red, you get your basket and take those vitals over to your grandma's. Yes, and be careful going through the woods. Okay. Salong pa. Salong ma. Goodbye, Dolores. Joe and Pete. Joe and Pete. Dolores had kittens. Dinged if she didn't and right in my hat, too. Now, be careful, Red. Remember, don't talk to any wolves. Don't speak to anything less than a silver fox. I know that. Goodbye, daughter. Goodbye. Oh, boy, what a night. Listen to that wind howl. Snowfall. Fun walking through the snow. But I see lurking in yarn bush. It's me, kitties. I'm a wolf now. Ow! Hello, little girl. Hello. Are you a wolf? I ain't ran through of the mountain. Where are you going, my little chickadee? I'm going to my grandmother's with this basket of food. Food, eh? What's in there? Hot soup, rough beef, strawberry pie, and coconut custard. What, no hopples? That's 10-10 sector. Anything else in the basket? Well... Attention, kitties. Little Red Riding Hood's basket also contains several packages of jello. Oh, a talking treat. Each of which can be identified by the big red letters on the box. Ow! Don't remember, children. When you're making a basket of food to your grandmother's, always include a basket of jello. It comes in six delicious flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. Hey, what are you hollying for? I'm hungry, Don. Now, little Red Riding Hood. Hey, Red, where are you? She ran away. Ha, ha, ha. Curses poiled again. Snarl, snarl. I know what I'll do. I'll take a shortcut through the woods and beat her over to her grandmother. And when I get there, I'll eat her up. Ha, ha, ha. Are you shivering, kitties? This must be the place. And now to get in. Who's there? It's Little Red Riding Hood. Gosh, you've got a cold, too. Come in. Hello, Grandma. Oh, you're not Little Red Riding Hood. You're a wolf. Yes, I'm a wolf. And I'm going to eat you up. Yummy, yummy, yummy. Help, help. Now, hold still. It'll be over in a minute. Shall I take my shoes off? No. I like shoes and everything. Here you go. I just ate Grandma, kitty. Darn those shoes. That must be Little Red Riding Hood now. I gotta ask quick. I know what I'll do. I'll put on this nice hat and get under the covers. That'll fool her. I'll talk to you like Grandma if she'll ever recognize me. Come in, Red. Hello, Grandma. I brought you back for the food. Hot soup and everything. Goodie, goodie. But first, I want to talk to you. Come over here by the bed, my dear. Back then. Why, Grandma, you look so strange. I hardly know you. Oh, Grandma, what big eyes you have. The better to see you with, my dear. And, oh, Grandma, what a long nose you have. The better to win races with, my dear. And, oh, Grandma, what rotten jokes you have. Never mind that. When are you going to get the teeth? Right now. Oh, Grandma, what big teeth you have. The better to eat you with, my dear. You're a wolf. Where's my Grandma? I swallowed her and your neck. Curses, foils again. Do them nothing. I'm going to take my axe and chop him right in two. Don't do that, I'm... Whether there's snow in the air or flowers in the front yard, here's a grand December dessert. It's Jello plum pudding, the best holiday plum pudding you ever tasted. You can make it with lemon or cherry jello, whichever you prefer. Combine one package of jello with half a teaspoon of cinnamon, a quarter teaspoon of cloves, and a dash of salt. Add one pint of hot water and chill until the jello is dissolved. Chill until slightly thickened, then fold in three fourths cup each of finely cut raisins, cooked prunes, and nut meats. Add one quarter cup of citron. Mold and serve with whipped cream or a regular pudding sauce. And you have a prize-winning Christmas pudding. It's far less expensive than most plum puddings. It's light and easy to digest, and it's very easy to make. A firm, rich mold of jello filled with all the spicy things that make a plum pudding so delicious. So make a jello plum pudding for the holidays, and be sure you use genuine jello. This is the last number of the 12th program in the New Jello Series, and we'll be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. Hey, Jack, I hear you're going to visit Fred Allen on his program Wednesday night. Is that right? Yes, I am, Mary. I've got a business deal on with him. What's it about, Jack? Oh, you'll find out. Is it animal, vegetable, or mineral? I ain't talking. This mystery will be continued next Wednesday. Good night, folks.