 Wel, hi Mark. Hi. Afternoon. So what would you like to change today? On this piece of work. I thought what I'd like to talk about is I wanted to check in with you fairly and since we did that piece of work in the therapy marathon. Oh in the therapy marathon, yeah. Like the child that I kind of met put him to bed and I felt really exhausted kind of physically since. And there's been another process which is feeling a little bit annoyed as well just with having somebody else to take care of as well as the things I've always had to take care of in the past. So there's been that. I suppose I want to feel more energised today. So after this work you'd like to be more energised. Yeah I feel a bit more more nurturing as well towards my little child I've put to bed so I just feel a bit more connected with him really I suppose and not like I've just put him to bed and have a rest and do you know what I mean? That part of yourself which you've put to bed. Yeah. Yeah. Now of course, Mark, there's an important question here. Go on. You always ask me important questions. Well this one's expert. Go on, go on. And that is how often do you check upon him when he's when you've sent him to bed? I make a conscious effort to you know to perhaps to check on him, see where he's up to, what he's doing probably two or three times a day for you know four times a day maybe. You check in with him? Yeah, just say to him oh what you're up to and are you okay and yeah just see what he's doing and he's kind of been sleeping sleeping a lot recently. With another kind of um he's not been present the past couple of days but before that there was like this um around the same time there was like a kind of screaming kind of child you know like proper really loud and like yeah that wasn't pleasant but he seems he's kind of in the different part of my brain different part of my consciousness. Okay. Do you mean the two parts of you? Yeah, two children there's one that's asleep and there's the one that's kind of screaming. No, it's the one that's screaming screaming for recognition from you or screaming for some other reason. It felt like when I think about it now it's kind of changed before it felt like it was screaming he was screaming to he was really angry but now he seems to have calmed down and it's just an upset kind of crying. What was he angry about? Um being left I suppose. Yeah but he felt very kind of for me on the he felt very persecutory you know I have this image of you know Jaws like his mouth wide open and just shouting at me. Because he's been left? Yeah a bit overpowering as well you know kind of like which was a bit well I kind of just felt really overwhelmed I suppose with the noise he was making. So what happened when you felt that when you felt overwhelmed what did you do? I tried soothing him I tried going on you know he'll be okay and that seemed to work I tried kind of saying to him oh you know you'll be alright and then sometimes I just kind of recoiled it you know like too much. What are you thinking when you smile what are you thinking? I was kind of checking you out really I was checking out whether this was making sense making sense to you and what you were thinking because it sounds a bit it's that old kind of thing isn't it the parental messages about this being odd and that kind of thing so I suppose I was just checking that out really with you. Would you like my response? Yeah I would. Oh good I'm pleased about that. What you're saying is that you want it to be more energised that's what you want for this piece of work and what you're aware of is that there's two parts of you almost like two kids in a way one is silent and the other one is screaming a lot and the other one is screaming a lot he wants to get recognition from you and then he's angry at you because you aren't giving that recognition and you occasionally look in and attempt to soothe the one that's asleep. Well both of them but it's easier for me to soothe the one that's asleep How come because if he's asleep he's not going to hear you? I suppose a bit of it I'm not sure of it in that way I suppose a bit of me was just checking that he was still okay with you asleep you've been asleep a long time kind of thing On the other one you still go to and say it's okay I'm here you no need to be so angry there Do you do that? No I don't put it in those words What do you do that? I kind of say to him you'll be okay in a bit I don't talk to him in that frame you know you don't have to be so angry kind of thing So what needs to happen for you to get more energy there? You have to feel less scared of these two Now do you mean scared of them both like the other ones asleep or do you mean scared of the other one or scared of the one that's asleep or Both of them I think How come you're scared of the one that's asleep? Just scared of if I wake him up and What could happen then? and I won't be able to look after him properly He's angry at you You're scared of him as well Yeah Scared of him because he's kind of if I can't shut him up which doesn't sound like a good way of putting it but if I can't sue them to be sure I was just thinking then about I'm sure there's a connection but recently just before I go to go to bed just really shaky like it's not a pleasant experience getting prepared to go to bed I've not thought about the three being connected before but maybe they are So it's not a good experience nice experience you said Getting ready for bed We're not at talks kind of waking up and being sick in the night kind of being poisoned Who would want to poison you? I won't say I don't know but You might not