 On today's show, Jeff Ross and Eddie Pepitone, Jeff Ross, the Roastmaster General of the United States. You love them. You know them. From Roast Battle, from the Comedy Central roast, Jeff Ross and the Bitter Buddha, our old friend Eddie Pepitone. We got a lot of show. Let's get right to it. This is the David Feldman Radio Network. One of the things I pride myself on the David Feldman show is building bridges to the other side. I'm a renowned liberal, but I can talk to anybody, and we can find our commonality. I've invited a couple of my listeners to call in, especially Trump supporters, and we're just going to have a peaceful dialogue exchange ideas. I'll learn something, and they'll learn something. Let's go to Eddie in Staten Island. Hello, Eddie. What's say you? Hello, you kike. Okay. I just want to say that I do support our president, and I hope you understand that I think he's going to make this country great again. Right. You said you called me kind. You said you kind, but what did you call me? Well, I did some research on you. I have an extensive online network here. We have a supercomputer installed in the house, and I found out that you are a Jew, so I called you a kike. Well, I, that's a... I mean, I still want to find common ground with you, but, you know, I do think you should own it. I mean, let's, let's, let's get that above board. You are a Jew, right? Let me use humor to put a salve on the wound. You say I should own it. As a Jew, don't we own everything? See, I can make fun of myself. This is why, well, I don't think that's making fun. I think it's spot on. Hold on for a second. Honey, put the Trump t-shirt on the doggy. Yeah, just, yeah, that's right. Put the... We, we have all kinds of t-shirts for our animals. Do you know we have a turtle that wears a Trump t-shirt? So Eddie, from Staten Island, you said something to me that was kind of hurtful. You're a Trump supporter and you used a really hateful word for Jews. And I feel I can talk to you about this and, and we can reason with each other because we're both, we both love this country and do you see when you... Yeah. Do you see when you... What? Yeah. But do you see, sir, Eddie, from Staten Island when you use that word, how it hurts me? Can you understand that? I'm not a Jew and you people do own everything and you control everything and you, and by the way, I'm saying this with all due respect, you know, with all due respect. That's funny. So there, I'm a comedian and you're reaching out to me, so there is a commonality here. We can work together. Well, well, I just Googled, you know, because of this supercomputer that the Breitbart people supply me with, they supply every Trump supporter with supercomputer. I Googled Jew-Yumar and that was one of the things that came up. And I do want to, I do want to strike common ground with you, let's say, that all, that all people who, who read should be killed. Well, I'm a reader, so that's not real. Well, that fits in. Yeah. I mean, I don't agree with you on that. Well, you're a Jew. Well, you know, I'm really working here to find how we can work together to make this country great again. And, right, let's say, do you, do you, do you understand, there's more that unites us than divides us, Eddie, from step-up. Like what? Like what? Well, we both live in America. You live in Staten Island. I'm from Brooklyn. We share that, right? You know, there's some, there's pockets in Brooklyn that are, that are okay, that are real Americans. I mean, I just don't feel like, you know, you're a real American if you're not behind our president. Don't you understand that? He is our president, and what I've heard from you is just nothing but absolute attacks on our commander-in-chief. You know, what, what, what is there to attack about the guy? We just, we just got confirmed today, a great secretary of education, a woman who's gonna really write the ship as far as the public schools are concerned. What do you think, Eddie? I think here, here's a common ground. As a Jew, we love education. We are a light into the world, and we want to educate. So let's talk about education. What do you think is the biggest problem facing our public schools? I think that they exist. You know, I think that they, they need to be dismantled and everybody needs to be taught by what, you know, like I, we have three homeschooled children and, you know, we teach them that, for instance, the long side won the Civil War. We teach them, we teach them how this so-called Holocaust didn't really happen. We don't do math or anything. If you want to deny the Holocaust, you have to be good with numbers. That's, that's key to Holocaust denying. I'm not following you, but we don't do a lot of figuring work here. See, I can, I can talk to anybody and reason with anybody. That's my gift as, as the host of a show and to reach across the aisle, I, I believe in bipartisanship. So you're a Holocaust denier, I'm, I'm a Jewish. Can we at least agree? So there's some comp, you don't think we're finding common ground yet here? I'm sorry. Maybe I need to try a little harder. You like pie? Let me get back to the Holocaust. While the numbers may be up for debate, so you say I don't, can you at least agree that the Holocaust was wrong? I think we can both agree that I as somebody who voted for Bernie Sanders and Hillary and you as somebody who voted for Trump, I think we can both agree that we can both agree that that was a horrible chapter in world history. Right? You know, first of all, I think it was old, you know, and this is the thing about and and again, I say this with, you know, due to respect that I feel like it was overplayed this whole Holocaust thing. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, I mean, I mean, white people suffered, you know what I mean? I mean, we suffer all the time. Christians, why isn't there, I mean, look at all the Christians that were fed to the light. Why isn't there more of that? You know, the Christians were fed to the light. You know what I'm saying? The persecution, you know, it cuts both ways, Kyle. I mean, why do I always have to hear about this so-called Holocaust? I mean, I, I, you know, I want to find commonality with you, you know, do you like, do you like fire? You like fire? Fire, fire, good. Yes. And the wheel? So I like the wheel. I love the wheel. I love, you know what I love more than anything, the snacks that comes in wheels or a cheese wheel. I love cheese wheel. What about when the sun goes down at night? Do you ever worry that it's, do you ever worry that it might not come back up and 12 hours later? Absolutely. I talked to this about my wife who was also homeschooled and I don't think there's a guarantee on anything, you know. So do you alter your behavior to kind of appease the sun so that it comes up every, every morning? Well, we have a, an in-can, I forget what the word is, in-can, k, in-can-tay. In-can-tay. We have an in-can-tation. In-can-tation? An in-can-tation? Oh, thank you. Thank you. There's some common ground. We could both agree that that's a, that's a word used by pretentious assholes, but we have an in-can-tation that we, that we implore the sun to come up every day. And my wife just scream out the window, come the fuck up, you golden orb piece of shit. And usually it does, but there's no guarantee, David. I mean, I think, I think this whole science thing is, well, and I hope we have some commonality here, but the work of, of the devil, this whole science thing, because once you go to science, and this is something we believe in wholeheartedly. Once you go to science and leave God, the Lord behind, where's your soul? Where's your soul? My soul is in a very, you know, logic, by the way, logic, you know, so-called logic and reason. Ha-ha. What is that got? Have you looked at human history? Eddie from Staten Island, I am really gifted at being able to talk to the common man. And I consider you the common man. Oh, absolutely. I have three regular bowel movements. I have acid reflux that doesn't let me get up from this couch. And, you know, I do want to say, as far as the Jews go, that you people do make a good bowl of chicken soup. I'll give you that. But that doesn't mean you have the right to stick your big Jew noses in matters that don't concern you like running the right. I mean the government. So, anyway, I hope we're finding, I like pie. And I like talking to people like you because I think that once we, thank you, I think that the only reason you and I would hate one another is we don't know each other. And I think once you and I sat down and shared pie and some chicken soup and talked, we would be friends and we would care about- Well, as long as you don't bring up all the Jew things and, you know, bring those traditions around my children and don't bring up science and don't bring up numbers, we could definitely have a barbecue of some sort. I think the problem we're such a divided nation is we have a fear of the other. We have a fear of the other and that if we get to know one another, then that fear dissipates and we realize we're both Americans and we both share a love for this country. And so, as I get to know you and I think I can negotiate with you and deal with you and be your friend, do you think it would be possible for us to understand our religious beliefs? I'm willing to understand your faith. Can you understand my commitment to monotheism, my belief in one God and a 6,000 year tradition that I honor? Certainly you can understand that, right? My friend, my friend, my friend. I feel like right now you're coming at me with a lot of what we like to call BS, okay? What do you mean 6,000-year-old tradition? Well, what is that supposed to mean? Is that, you know, this is the kind of thing that I think you're trying to be divisive here. See, this is very valuable, my friend, my fellow American, because I do believe that we're all the same. We can talk to each other and we can melt the anger just through conversation. This is very valuable. What I'm saying is that I have my belief system. I believe in my God. You believe in your God, but there's room for every... Wait a minute, wait a minute. And I say this in the spirit of commonality. Your fucking God has nothing to do with my fucking God, all right? Now, don't you, you're right, you're right. You're a Jew and you're a heathen. And I do want to reach across the aisle to you eventually. Right, and this is so good for us to... You killed our God. You killed our God. You understand that? Right. Just so we are clear. And I want to have you over for pie and barbecue, but just so we are clear, you killed Jesus Christ, your people. And that's why you must die. Now, when are you free for pie? Are you good? Well, let's talk about... My friend, my pal, my buddy, my fellow American, my compatriot who bleeds the same type of blood that I do who has the same number of... Oh, really? Yes. Is Jew blood the same as Christian blood? I don't think so. I love... I don't think so. I love discussing hematology with people. This is good. Why do you say enemy? Honey, Google, hematology. This is valuable, my friend, my friend, that I am, and I'm proving to my listeners that the rage and the anger is about something else, that it's the media that wants us divided. It's the richest 1% that wants us divided. They want us fighting among each other, but we agree on most things, my friend, my pal, my compatriot. Yeah, what do you agree on? Do you agree on that our commander-in-chief by banning the Muslims is doing the right thing? Well, I think that's subject for a rational, spirited debate, a conversation that you and I can engage in. Well, you don't hold it. You don't believe they want to kill us all? I don't believe in a ban. And that they should be wiped from the face. All right, well, then we're gonna have to push back to barbecue and buy stuff because we kind of, we believe that they are the enemy and that our commander-in-chief should be supported. Well, how about we do this, sir? Eddie from Staten Island, I'm a Jew. You say that earlier, you... Jew. Yes, yes. You said that I... Yes, you said I should die and... Yes, and that doesn't preclude us having common ground, right? Why don't we... Yeah, so why don't we just agree to disagree on whether or not I should die because I'm Jewish? Can we at least agree to disagree and I say to you that... What do you say on that? Now, agreeing to disagree has always confused me because I talk plain. Now, that's one thing too that I want to talk about for one second. The president talks in plain language. And I feel like there's too much fun plain language coming from elites. You know, he is just a normal guy. He happens to have a billion dollars. But he's just a normal, plain talking guy. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. And I like to think that despite my growing up on the Upper West Side of Manhattan in a Jewish family that values books and education over, say, the tools, the hammers, the Phillips screwdrivers that you were surrounded with, different values, but... What was? I didn't know about a Phillips screwdriver. Maybe there is some common ground here. What I'm saying is... I love those things. Yes, I'm saying that while my parents were foisting books on me, your parents were strapping you down with a tool belt and... Wait a minute. Are you saying that there's something to be ashamed of? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. With your hands? No, no, no, I'm... Hold it, hold it, hold it. Oh, you're in, you're in, like, well, an ivory tower. Now, the only thing I like about an ivory tower is that you get to hunt elephants. That I like, okay? Yeah. No, no, no, I mean, me and my father used to... He had a construction business. We built ivory towers out of endangered species. Hmm. Well, that's another area that you and I should have a spirited debate over, because I happen to think hunting elephants, they're endangered and they're very similar to us. And I'm going to reach out with a little... Very similar to us? Well, I'm gonna... I mean, maybe similar, more and more similar to you people, because you have big noses, but they're not very... I don't know what the hell you're talking about. I'm gonna... They're huge, they're huge. Right, I'm going to use some humor now to kind of dissipate... You know, whenever you're going to tell a joke, you don't have to practice it out there. Hold on, hey, doggy, that's... What's your dog's name? It's... Himmler. Who? Himmler, not Hitler, Himmler, which is a cat named Hitler. So this is Himmler. And we got gerbils to turtle, gerbils to turtle. You ever hear of Yardle the Turtle? Yes. It's a funny children's book, but we had gerbils to turtle. It's just got a different ending where a lot of people get thrown in. So another example of common ground is I have an interest in Nazi Germany. I'm constantly reading The Rise and Fall of the Third World. Well, good, there we are. Now, that we could talk about over five. Yeah, I do believe that you and I share the same concerns. We want a quiet life. We want just to be able to sit and contemplate and work and come home and love our family. That's what we both want for this country, right? Yes, but cleansed of blank. You fill in the blank, cleansed of blank. Of hatred, of divisiveness, disunity? I don't know. I feel like you're trying to sow hate by not filling in the blank properly. I'm not the one who's divisive, whatever that means. I am just saying we need to get rid of things that are purely white. And then I'd like to have you over to have at least, I don't know, a catch. Do you do people know how to catch? Catch? What does that mean? You chase down people and catch them. You would have me over for? We'll go catch somebody. We'll go catch somebody. And then as our president at that, it's OK. We'll waterboard them. I have a nice waterboard here in my house. I used to have my wife was into checkers for a while. But she had an accident. We went and she couldn't play anymore. So now it's waterboard instead of checkerboard. I see. So you waterboard each other or neighbor? People we catch. Now while we will do that to spice things up occasionally, but usually it's someone we deem, you know, anti-American. You know this. I mean, come on, if we're going to have common ground, you have to admit that there are people who don't want this country to be great. So here's some common ground. You like to waterboard people who are different from you. That's your passion. That's one of the things. Yeah, that would things I do to relax. Yes. You're president. Yeah, I mean you. Your president, Donald Trump is about to appoint a new EPA head who is no friend of the environment. He is. What do you mean? He lives in the environment. He breathes air. He probably has a dog. He eats food that has to be produced in the environment. How can you say he's a product of the environment? How can you say he's not a friend to the environment? Who wouldn't be a friend of the environment? No, no. What you people don't want is you don't want jobs. So all you want to do, no, and tell me that I'm not right. You don't want jobs. So you want to stop the pipelines. You want to stop the Keystone thing when those things bring jobs. I agree with you. There's something we all want jobs. So there we agree. But what kind? The only way to have jobs is to kill things in nature. If you understand that, right? That's where we might disagree. I think there are there we can. I don't really, you think that there's a way to have jobs without killing things? Well, you, sir, and with all due respect, are an idiot. OK. If you have a pro fracking head of the EPA, fracking poisons water. Hey, I get my water bottled, pal. Are you an idiot? OK. So go ahead. I mean, that's my solution. What's yours? I mean, two things to do about. Well, don't you think it gets awfully expensive to waterboard the people you catch with bottled water? Wouldn't you like to be able to trust the water coming out of your tap so that it doesn't contaminate your fingers when you're waterboarding somebody you caught and want to torture? I wear gloves. And since the person we're torturing is the one getting the fracked water, I mean, you know, what we have to do is light a match with fracked water. You know it's highly volatile, right? I wear gloves, so I don't get it. Even though you do make a good point. Isn't that like wearing a condom? Wouldn't you rather, when you're waterboarding somebody, really feel the guy drowning with your fingers? I mean, it's one step removed, right? Yeah, I never thought of that. But I still think that what I do is I weigh the good and the bad. If we have to poison a water supply for jobs, think jobs. Shut up, Himmler. I think jobs are more important. You know what I mean? Do you mind if I ask you, my friend, my pal, my compatriot? And this is not. Let me just say this. Let me just say this. You don't want jobs because you just want to sit around your hipster coffee houses all day sipping your overpriced lattes and talking treasonous blocks with your other liberal elite pals. Well, there's a common ground. And by the way, I'm making a joke there where I say common ground because. Oh, he's making a joke, Connie. Because it's a common ground. Well, you know, I sit around coffee shops and I found common ground. That's a pun. See, this is why I'm very good at reaching out to people across the. Well, I don't get that one. I don't get that one. And by the way, you should not highlight a joke like, say, oh, here comes a joke. And then it's not that good. You know what I mean? I mean, I have learned from my comedian, you know, I don't know if you know of a group online, the right wing comics, and we have very, very funny stuff about. You're talking about, you know, in life being destroyed and how that's funny. Yeah. And how our resources being depleted is funny and how these majestic creatures are funny to kill. It's very funny stuff because you always have to punch down. We have a slogan, punch down. Pick on people who are weaker than you. Well, that's the source of comedy. Well, there's another thing that I would love to talk to you about because I love to pontificate on comedy. And my. Well, I do love the pope. But what are you saying? I like you pontificating. That sounds like a contradiction. You speak in code. There's I, you know, I do as a Jew. I do have. I'm sensitive to code. And I do. And I hear in between the lines, I can sense anti-Semitism. There's little, you know, little dog whistle. Using little dog whistles that are making. We do have dog whistles, so you are perceptive. You are perceptive. You are perceptive because I do have a bit of a bias against the Jews. Well, you are perceptive. And I'd like you to like the Jews. That's that's what I think I can accomplish because even though I was raised. Even though I was raised on the Upper West Side and my mother is a PhD, she's a sex therapist. And my father. Yeah, my mother is a sex therapist. She teaches sex therapy at Columbia University. World we know. Oh my God. I mean, I mean, this is what I'm talking about. Yeah, you guys are the I mean, you Satan's play thing, you know what I mean? And my father is a professor of anthropology at NYU. I don't, that's something that is treasonous. And I hope our president starts rounding up people who believe in anthropology. But go ahead, I'm sure we can find common ground. And I am because I was raised with the right values. In my, my people call it takuna-lam, healing the world. I spent two weeks one summer working in Staten Island for the sole purpose of being able to converse with your kind. And I'm very gifted in being able to bridge our differences. And I think this has been very successful because I listened to you and you listened to me. And I think we both realized that we all want the same things. We want jobs. We want secure. We want security. We want a good world for our children. And we want love, right? We all want to just love one another. Can we agree on that? This I'm so good at this. I can talk to anybody because I was raised properly. Yeah, as long as it's, look, I'm gonna give you this. Yes, as long as it's white Christian love and all the immigrants and Jews are taken out of here, I can definitely see what you're saying. And I'm glad we talked to... Yeah, so this is fantastic. I really feel, thank you, Eddie from Staten Island. So we both agree that we want a clean country, right? Clean, cleansed is more of the word, but go ahead. But we want a nation that is pristine, right? Yes, oh yes. Okay. Oh yes. And that the way we do that is by loving each other, right? You're not one of them homosexuals, are you? Keep saying the word love and that makes me very nervous since I tend to not really like that coming from a man. Right, but you accept the fact that while it makes you nervous, it's a process. And that once you come to understand that because my mother is a sex therapist at Columbia, that I'm very open-minded and willing to try various things because I believe that sexuality is fluid. And you're willing to accept that about me. I don't force that upon you. I don't have to force that upon you. Look, do you people are so brazen in your fucking ways? Now when you say people, you mean intellectuals, right? People who read books and are open-minded, that's what you mean by you people. You mean deletes and scum and people who should die, yes. But look, I just wanna say tie it three o'clock and barbecue this Friday. And I think this was, I think this was... Okay, that sounds good. For me, I mean, it was helpful for me. And I hope I can say to you that there is a certain givingness here. And yield, yield, I think is the word. I'm yielding. Okay, I'm gonna come over to your house and you say we're gonna catch people. Was that what she said? Okay. We're gonna have a catch, which is catching people who aren't pristine as you put it. Okay, and just so you know, I can't be in a house that has sugar. I'm embarrassed to say it. I'm a bit of a sugar addict. So I ask, and I'm not trying to be a pain in the neck, but I ask that when I visit somebody's home, they remove all sugar products so I feel no temptation. Do you think you can do that for me, my friend? You can. All right, well, I'm glad we had it. Thank you. It was nice talking to Eddie from Staten Island. Thank you. This is the David Feldman Radio Network. That was Eddie Pepitone, by the way. Little rough, little disturbing. At one point I wasn't sure whether or not I was gonna run that one. Just made me a little creeped out to my friends listening to us in Alabama and you know, the red states. I hope we didn't make you feel uncomfortable. That is, that kind of comedy is very easy. It's a laugh at in the New York City bubble, but it may not be that easy to laugh at if you're in the muddy. So I hope it made you laugh. We'll be back. Coming up, Jeff Ross. Welcome to the broadcast. I'm David Feldman, DavidFeldmanshow.com. Please friend me on Facebook. Follow me on Twitter. And go to the David Feldman Show website. Many of you have been going and I thank you for that. You've been contacting me and sending me clippings. It enhances the show. I will read some of your emails later on. A couple of you contacted me through Twitter, Facebook, and David Feldman Show website. I'd prefer if you contact me via the David Feldman Show website. That's the best, fastest way for me to respond to you. You asked me some questions about anger, how I channel my anger, and how I said that anger is sacred. And I kind of looked into it. I watched a lecture last night called How to Make Stress Work for You through the Great Courses. The lecture was given by Kimberly Bethany Benura. She's a fitness and wellness consultant. Her lecture was entitled Anger, A Terranical King. I do believe in anger. I don't think we can ever get rid of anger. I've always said it has to be channeled properly. I think women need to understand their rage and their anger and how to let it out. I may be wrong about certain things. So I just wanna go over this very quickly. I've always said you take your anger and you channel it into something productive. In her lecture, Kimberly Bethany Benura says the same thing. She says anger is a pressure cooker. If it builds up, you'll explode. You have to release it. It is conventional wisdom that anger internalized turns into stress, turns into stress, depression and anxiety. But what was interesting about this lecture that kind of helped me, anger begets anger. Conventional wisdom of the 20th century and the 21st century is we accepted the myth of catharsis. And she talks about Brad Bushman. He's a professor at Ohio State University. As a culture, Americans believe in the myth of catharsis. She says, we've taken the notion from Freud that expressing anger and negative emotions is a great way to deal with it. That the healthiest way to deal with anger is to let it out. But Brad Bushman, she says, disagrees with Freud and did some studies to show that anger begets anger. That the more anger you exhibit, the angrier you become. New studies have shown that if you just turn off the heat as Kimberly Bethany Benura says in her lecture, how to make stress work for you, it's in the great courses. She says, if you turn down the heat, the anger will go away. That's the best way to get rid of anger. Not to shout and scream and punch. Not to sublimate the anger, not to go to a punching bag, pretend punch the person who's causing you the anger. She says, all that will do is just make you angrier. She says, the best way to get rid of anger is to not ruminate, just give it time and work it out in your head. Why are you angry and what can I do about this anger? What can you change? And if you can't change it, how do I change my attitude towards the situation? She says, when you're angry, turn the temperature down, ask yourself, what is making me angry? Can I change it? If I can't change it, then how do I change the way I view the source of this anger? The next step, she says, is if you can change it, you change it not through anger, but through compassion and thinking of the higher good. Let me go over this again, because I do say that anger is sacred and that it can be channeled properly. Don't be a rageaholic. Don't get addicted to anger. Don't think that anger boiling over, that screaming and punching and shouting and trolling and going on Facebook and Twitter and letting it all out. Don't think that kind of venting is releasing the steam and the pressure cooker and making you healthier. According to this lecture, and I think I agree with this, anger begets anger. The angrier you get at the people on Facebook or Donald Trump, the angrier you're gonna stay. Anger begets anger. The best way to deal with anger, according to this lecture in the Great Courses, how to make stress work for you, it's given by Kimberly Bethany Benora. She says the best way to deal with anger is to pause. Know that anger eventually disappears. And while you're waiting for that anger to disappear, ask yourself, what is causing this anger and can I change it? Can I change the source of this anger? And if I can't change the source of this anger, how do I change the way I perceive the source of this anger and move on with my life? And I think that lends itself to the situation with Trump and how the temperature has been turned up on both sides. Anger is not how you fight a war. If you study Sun Tzu the way Steve Bannon does, you know that you never go to war with a hot temper. What are we gonna do about Donald Trump? What do we do about the Republicans? What do we do with our art? Tap into your anger. I always say great comedy comes from who do you hate. Whatever kind of passion you want to channel. Ask yourself, what is making me angry and can I change it? And if you can change it, then you owe it to yourself and your community to get involved. But while you're changing it, don't be angry. Don't be in a rage. Rage never accomplishes anything. And a great study in the failure of rage is Donald Trump. Donald Trump is a rageaholic and he's a failure. He's a failure in business. He's a failure as a husband. He's a failure as a president. And he's also a failure as a politician. Just because he was installed in the White House doesn't mean A, he's the president. B, he's in charge. Or C, he's respected. There are a lot of people who end up with a really important title and they are sinecures. They are just, let them have that office, just don't pay attention to them. He's a fool. He's a fool and everybody knows that he's a fool. He is a dangerous fool because Trump has mafia ties. I've talked about this before. You cannot build in New York City. You cannot pour cement in New York City without having ties to the Gambino family. That's why he was Roy Kohn's protege. Roy Kohn was a mafia lawyer. Chaut Donald that you don't really even have to pay taxes as long as you just keep suing. As long as you keep threatening the IRS, act like a mobster, decent civilized people will say, you know what, it's not worth it to me, I'm gonna walk away. Most people are decent. Donald Trump learned from Roy Kohn to be indecent. That's not genius. That's just, people say, I only have a limited number of time on this earth. I'm not gonna fight you. I'll take 50 cents on the dollar. I'm not gonna fight you. You're not worth it. Donald Trump understands that. If you scream and kick threatened lawsuits, most people will back away because a psychologically healthy person will say, you're not worth it. I'll never do business with you again, but you're not worth it. That's how Donald Trump operates. That's how these Republicans who are in charge operate. They're not smart. They just come in with a sledgehammer and sane, rational people walk away. They don't get involved. 25% of Americans have mental illness. One out of four people are mentally ill. That's about the same percentage of Americans who are Republicans. There is no ideology within the Republican Party other than mental illness. It's untreated mental illness. I'm not sick. It's what I believe. I believe in hate, narcissism, greed. That's the Republican Party. Don't be angry at them because you'll just continue to get angrier and angrier. Stay away from them. Don't troll them. Don't invite them into your house. Don't reason with them. They are a dying breed. This is the last gasp of Neanderthals. It was necessary for somebody like Donald Trump to sit in the Oval Office to show us what they are. And now they have to be destroyed. Methodically, patiently, through the legal system, but they do have to be destroyed if they don't destroy themselves. I think Donald Trump is gonna have a stroke in about a week. He's about 200 pounds overweight. He doesn't eat properly. He's walking around the White House all alone in his bathrobe making phone calls at four in the morning. There's no sex. Dr. Bornstein says he's on propitia which causes impudence. There's no erection. He's an absolute madman. He's a useful tool for a certain portion of the 1%, not even the Koch brothers like him. The Koch brothers are reportedly spending money to dethrone him. There's just a lot of insanity going on. He's gonna self-destruct. He'll probably have a massive stroke in about a week. And then the question is, do the Republicans invoke the 25th Amendment? Or is it better off having this rage-aholic blinking his racism? He'll be unable to talk. He'll just look into a camera and blink three times to signify a hatred for women, blink four times to signify hatred for Mexicans, blink once and then cross his eyes to say I hate Arabs. He's probably more useful to the people who installed him as a stroke victim unable to talk because he's just the front man for this mafia bust out. It's a mafia bust out. Then the way a mafia bust out works is you get a lunatic, some crazy guy, and you say, you know what, this is your bakery. You get to stay up front and you get to hand out the cookies for free to the kids and everybody loves you in the neighborhood, but just leave the basement door open. As long as you leave the basement door open, it can be your bakery. And let us play with the cash register. You'll get your money, it's your bakery, your name's out front. That's basically what this is. And then they bust out the bakery. That's what the mafia does. And that's what they're doing in the White House. They're busting out the White House. They're just taking as much as they possibly can, as quickly as they possibly can before the jig is up. Eventually they'll be removed. Somebody else will come in and try to loot the place. I think under Obama, nobody was looting. I thought they did a pretty good job keeping all the silverware and all the plates in the White House. But right now there's a bust out, a mafia bust out going on in the White House. They've installed this crazy mad man walking around in his white bathrobe, like the chin. Gigante, was that his name? That mobster who would walk around in his white bathrobe. He was out of his mind and he was the front man for his family, his mafia family. That's what's going on in the White House. Don't get angry. Anger just perpetuates more anger. Jeff Sessions was confirmed by the Senate. Only one Democrat, the guy from West Virginia, voted for a mansion. So the Democrats are stepping up. They just don't have enough seats to block Sessions. I think it's unfair for all of us to judge Sessions solely on what he has said, done, or believes. He's pretty bad. There's good news. There's good news. Let's focus on the good news. Good news, Trump is going insane. That's always good. A US district judge blocked a merger between Anthem and Cigna that happened this week. The judge said that, I think it was a woman. She said that the deal would raise prices for health care and violates the Sherman anti-trust law. That would have been a $54 billion merger between Anthem and Cigna. This comes after a ruling in January by another judge blocking a merger between Etna and Humana. Judges are stepping in doing what needs to be done by our Justice Department. I don't know if you remember North Carolina. It's hard to keep track of all the insanity in this country. North Carolina, they're obsessed with our bathrooms, passed some crazy laws about the bathrooms. They're controlled by Republicans. They accidentally elected Roy Cooper as governor. He's a Democrat. The state legislature in North Carolina is controlled by Republicans. So right before Governor Roy Cooper took office, the state legislature passed a series of bills that would strip them of all authority, like being able to name his own cabinet. Today, three judge panel in North Carolina this week put a pause to that law. So that's good news. If you've been listening to the hearings on the travel ban, more and more circuit judges are casting a wary eye, telling the Justice Department, which is defending the Muslim travel ban, looks like there's good chance it will be rejected by the courts. TJ Maxx, Marshalls, and Neiman Marcus have all said they are severing ties with all of Ivanka Trump's brands, which is very upsetting to Donald Trump. He interrupted an intelligence briefing to tweet out that Nordstrom has been very unfair to his daughter Ivanka because they have discontinued. They are not going to carry any of her products. He says it's unfair. And he uses that word a lot, unfair, like a six-year-old. That's unfair. The religious right, who sometimes we don't trust, they're coming out against the Muslim ban. Prominent conservative evangelicals took out a full-page ad in the Washington Post saying that the travel ban is unconstitutional. The ad was signed by some of the most powerfully conservative evangelical church leaders, one of whom is Tim Keller. He's a New York City pastor. Ed Stetzer, he's a Southern Baptist. Daniel Akin and the popular evangelical author Max Lucado all signed this ad in the Washington Post saying that they had deep concerns about the Muslim ban. Good for you guys. Welcome to the light. Welcome to our side. Pope Francis issued another cryptic criticism of Donald Trump. By the way, I hate it when real estate moguls fight each other, the pope versus Trump. Can't we all get along? Pope Francis this week was addressing a group observing the International Day of Prayer and Awareness against Human Trafficking. And in his address, he said, quote, In the social and civil context, I appeal not to create walls but to build bridges. He said, to not respond to evil with evil, to defeat evil with good, the offense with forgiveness. He went on to say, a Christian would never say you will pay for that. Never. That is not a Christian gesture. So he's obviously talking about the wall. Good for him. It's far from over. It's going to get worse before it gets better. We have some lunatics, some craven opportunists in the Trump White House. Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel, speaking of craven opportunists. But he's one of our opportunists. And there would not have been a democratic majority in the House of Representatives in 2006 had it not been for Rahm Emanuel. And he was President Obama's chief of staff during the most productive legislative period in the Obama administration. The first two years of the Obama administration, he passed almost as much legislation as Lyndon Johnson did during his first two years as president. So Rahm Emanuel, he's now the mayor of Chicago, not a nice guy. But when you're running Chicago or trying to pass legislation, you don't really need to be a nice guy. Lyndon Johnson wasn't a nice guy. Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel gave a speech at Stanford University this week. And he said, quote, it ain't going to happen in 2018. Take a chill pill, man. You got to be in this for the long haul. And what he means is our side, the Democrats, we're not going to win the Senate back. Because in 2018, that's when we're most vulnerable. All our most vulnerable senators are up for re-election. We may actually lose seats in the Senate. 2018, because of gerrymandering, we may not win back the House. It is very conceivable that we may not win back the House. Even though more Americans will vote for a Democratic House because of gerrymandering, we will have a Republican House. That's what happened last year. Even though we have a Republican House right now, if you added up all the votes cast for Congresspeople, the Democrats won by 2 million votes. But there is no popular vote in the House. It's district by district. And because of gerrymandering, the Republicans can win the House of Representatives even though 2 million more votes were cast by Democrats for the House. I don't think I expressed that properly. More good news, Peter Thiel, he founded PayPal. He's one of the co-founders of PayPal. He's a billionaire who supports Donald Trump. He was the one who put Gawker out of business because Gawker outed him as a gay man. So he funded the trial that Hulk Hogan ended up winning against Gawker. And so Gawker went out of business. Peter Thiel has applied for citizenship in New Zealand. He says New Zealand is the place to be. He sees the future of the world in New Zealand. That got revealed last week that he wants dual citizenship. He was thinking of running for governor of California in 2018. Polls show that he would have been destroyed by any Democrat who's going to run against him. And he has announced that he is not going to run for governor of California. We have a new company that you should not support, Under Armour. Kevin Plank is the CEO of Under Armour. He was appearing on CNBC and said that Donald Trump, quote, is an asset for the country. NBA star Steve Curry, who is under contract with Under Armour, Curry gave an interview to the San Jose Mercury News. And he said he agreed with Kevin Plank, the CEO of Under Armour, that he agreed that Trump is an asset, but only if you remove the ET. Steve Curry plays for the Golden State Warriors. That was willing to bite the hand that feeds him. The Super Bowl was won by the New England Patriots. That's Donald Trump's favorite team. And of course, they're going to visit the White House, probably in May or June. Not all the Patriots are going to the White House. Some of them are taking a knee. Pro Bowl linebacker Donta Hightower says he isn't going, quote, been there, done that. I guess he was on a championship team with Alabama, and they visited the White House. Tiden Martellus Bennett says he would not go. He says, people know how I feel. Just follow me on Twitter. The Pro Bowl safety Devin McCordy, who's the team captain of the Patriots, he told Time Magazine that the reason that he doesn't want to go to the White House is, quote, I don't feel accepted there. With this president having so many strong opinions and prejudices, I believe certain people there might feel accepted. Well, certain people like me would not feel accepted. So we have some Patriots who are real Patriots. More good news. According to a new Mammoth University survey, one out of four voters say that health care is their top anxiety. Two years ago, it was just 15%. Just 15% of Americans ranked health care as their biggest priority. Now, 25% of Americans feel that health care, especially paying for it, is their biggest concern. A new study shows that one third of Americans do not understand that Obamacare and the Affordable Care Act are the same exact thing. That's according to a morning consult poll. What's interesting is about 80% of Republicans know that Obamacare and the Affordable Care Act are the same thing. On this issue, Republicans know more than the Democrats do because they have been indoctrinated for the past eight years on why they should hate the Affordable Care Act. One third of Americans do not understand that Obamacare and the Affordable Care Act are the same thing. Well, that's not good news. The only good news in that is Republicans know something that Democrats don't. That's always nice to find out that Republicans are smarter in one area than Democrats are, but not for long because I don't know if you've been watching the town hall meetings that are being interrupted by pro Obamacare activists. They are scaring these Republican lawmakers. This will be fun. Jeff Sessions is our new attorney general, which means the governor of Alabama, Robert Bentley, has to find a replacement. He has to appoint somebody to fill Jeff Sessions seat. One of the names being bandied about is a guy named Luther Strange. Big Luther would be Senator Strange, would be the guy replacing Jeff Sessions. And I think that would just be fun to have a Republican named Senator Strange, Big Luther. Speaking of Strange, we should have gone with Bernie Sanders. And am I calling him Strange? He's just right about everything. Looking back, I think the problem the Democrats had with, they did win, except for 70,000 votes and three swing states. Trump would not be present, Hillary would be present. The reason I mentioned Strange is we like Strange. Men, especially, they always talk about cheating on their wives. They say, I need some Strange. Trump is Strange. Obama was Strange. We like something exotic and bizarre. We swing for the fences when we elect our presidents. Rarely do we do something cautious. Reagan was Strange. Jimmy Carter was Strange. Kennedy was a little Strange. We like it Strange. And Hillary, you know, her heart and her brain are in the right place, but she had just been around Washington too long. And when you're around Washington too long, I would have been happy, by the way, with Hillary. I just think when you were around Washington and the American people, you gather dust and you gather enemies and people have it in for you. And they put themselves before country. People will always put themselves before country. Hillary Clinton just racked up a lot of enemies not because she's a bad person, but because she's been in the public glare since 1992. You're just gonna make a lot of enemies. She wrote a book called It Takes a Village. And it was co-written by Barbara Feynman-Todd, who should be on Hillary's side. She was a researcher for Bob Woodward over at The Washington Post. They well-respected journalist, thinker, and she was hired to ghostwrite. It Takes a Village was published in 1996. But Hillary did not want to admit that the book had been ghostwritten. This did not sit well with Barbara Feynman-Todd. She felt that she deserved some credit and she began to negotiate with Hillary Clinton's office. Hillary's office pushed back. They wanted everyone to think that only Hillary wrote It Takes a Village. They invited journalists to the White House and on exhibit were legal pads of handwritten notes written by Hillary to prove that she penned the book all by herself. Then added, you know, I had some editorial assistance, but it was really me. That was unacceptable to Barbara Feynman-Todd and she kept pushing back. She wanted her name on the book. The White House was forced to issue a press release acknowledging the contribution that Barbara Feynman-Todd made to It Takes a Village. And before the press release was sent out, they faxed her a copy of the release and it stated that the First Lady had relied on her for early drafts over a six-month period. But Barbara Feynman-Todd said this wasn't true. So she called the East Wing where Hillary's office was and she said that the timeline needs to be corrected. I worked on the book, she said, for eight months. Hillary Clinton's chief of staff, Maggie Williams, wrote back, would you take seven? They negotiate the truth. Would you take seven? We know you worked on it for eight or nine months. Would you take seven? You make enemies when you've been around that long. Yeah, it's pretty bad to treat your ghost writer that way. And that's kind of why Hillary didn't win enough votes that would have made it impossible for the Republicans to fix it. You gotta win by a landslide so the election doesn't get stolen. Obama won in 2012 by five million votes. That's a tough election to steal. Hillary only won by three million. That's a little easier to steal. The Clintons were probably not as safe a bet as the adults in the room thought. Originally I wanted Hillary. Then I got, okay, let's go with Bernie. But when Hillary got the nomination, I was fine with it because it was a safe bet. It turns out that Bernie might have been a safer bet. Bernie did a pretty good job debating Ted Cruz on CNN earlier this week. Bernie's pretty smart and pretty strong. By the way, CNN is doing a seven part documentary on the history of comedy. I think the funniest part of that documentary are the promos where they talk about CNN being a news gathering operation. More on the Clintons. Have you ever heard of Eaglevale partners? It's a hedge fund and they're going out of business. It was founded by Mark Mesvinsky. He is Chelsea Clinton's husband. He is a former trader over at Goldman Sachs. He set up Eaglevale partners. The Republicans accused him of using the Clinton Foundation to find investors. Whether or not that's true, the fact is he's a hedge fund manager. A failed hedge fund manager married to the daughter, Chelsea. These people are knee deep in Goldman Sachs money. It doesn't look good. And being a hedge fund manager is not innocent. If you listen to the show we dropped on Tuesday, we talk about hedge funds. How they are just a complete ripoff. How they rip off rich people. Hedge funds don't beat the market. They're scam artists. If you're a hedge fund manager, you're a scam artist and a skim artist because that's what hedge funds do. They skim off the top to make sure they get their fees and then they underperform the market. Eaglevale partners founded by Mark Mesvinsky, son-in-law of Hillary and Bill Clinton, going out of business because the people who invested with him realized he's just another incompetent Goldman Sachs Craven moron. If they had just been introduced to us, we wouldn't have known this about them. More people would have voted for Hillary but she's been around since 1992. We were tired of her. We should have gone with Bernie. Bernie's clean. I know he bought a big vacation home in Vermont. I know, I know. He's still clean. Well, some more good news. The White House has loyalty problems. There are leaks. People are talking to the press because Trump does not instill loyalty. He's not loyal. Why should anybody else be loyal? There's a story out about the 3M phone calls that Donald Trump has been making. And I love this. Lieutenant General Mike Flynn, he's the head of Homeland Security, got a call at three in the morning from Trump at 3M. And Trump wanted to know what's the deal with the dollar? Is a strong one good for the economy or bad for the economy? Lieutenant General Mike Flynn told two people this. He was simply dumbfounded. He said, I'm counterintelligence. You wanna talk macroeconomics with Mnuchin, your treasury secretary. What are you asking me about the dollar? Trump said, well, I don't know. I can't remember whether or not a strong dollar is good for the economy or bad for the economy. As I remember, and I'm just a comedy writer, a strong dollar is bad for manufacturing because it makes things more expensive overseas. A weak dollar is good for manufacturing because then our stuff is cheaper. It's a good thing I'm not president. It's very complicated. And that's why Donald Trump is able to get the votes of the uneducated because nobody understands how trade policy affects the dollar. Even our president doesn't understand it. By the way, you know that George Bush invaded Iraq without knowing the difference between a Shiite and a Sunni? He did not know the difference between Shiite and Shinola. He did not know the difference. And I'm not making that up. John Kenneth Galbraith, his son, wrote about this in about 2006. They was actually in a meeting with George W. Bush before the invasion of Iraq. And he didn't know that there were Shiites and Sunnis. He just thought they were all Muslim and that Muslims were all on the same page in the Quran. Didn't know that there were differences. That's what the Republican Party does. They put stupid people who think they're in charge when they do the bust out in the bakery. It's a mob bust out. That's all it is. George W. Bush, worst president in the history of America. Worst president ever, except for the people who put him in office, very successful. He was very good to the people who put him in office. If you worked on Wall Street, if you worked for Halliburton, were in the oil business, you did very well by George W. Bush. The country didn't do well, but the people who put him in office, he paid them back. He was a good investment. More nuggets coming out of the leaks about Donald Trump. This is shocking. I can't believe this. Apparently Donald Trump, are you seated? Sit down. He does not like to read memos that are more than a paragraph. And they must have bullet points. And there need to be nine bullet points per paragraph. Anything longer than a paragraph, he will not read, which is why he got pissed off at Steve Bannon. Trump signed an executive order putting Steve Bannon on the National Security Council. Two days later, he found out that he signed an executive order putting Steve Bannon on the National Security Council. Donald Trump will sign whatever they put in front of him. He's not that bright. Does that shock you? That's what a wrecking ball does. I have these traits. I think most men have these traits where we go, I don't need to understand this. Let's just do a gut check. Let's bottom line this. It's too confusing. I don't want to be touchy feely on this. And then you wreck it. You just wreck things because you don't want to take the time to learn why something is happening. If that can be effective in dealing with contractors, if you've ever had to do a kitchen remodel, what really works with a kitchen remodel is, I don't want any excuses. You're ripping me off. I'm going to sue you. That does work with kitchen remodels. Trump is an expert at kitchen remodels and dealing with corrupt, bad contractors. He's not interested in why the Italian marble hasn't shown up. He just wants his marble and he's right. I paid for the marble. Why isn't it on the floor? A Trump Tower. And usually he gets his way. Yeah, but as president, you have to deal with judges, Congress. You can't be a wrecking ball. You can't bottom line Washington DC. There are too many checks and balances. I hope. I hope because in any democracy, there's always this strain of people who just want things simplified. Fascism makes things simple. Fascism is just military corporations and patriotism. It's very simple. It's in all of us. When things get too complicated, you crave fascism. Let's hope there's resistance. And there seems to be. There was that big fundraiser for the Red Cross at Mar-a-Lago. I talked about it on Tuesday's drop. I like saying Tuesday's drop instead of Tuesday's show because I want everybody to know that we're dropping shows on Tuesday and Friday. We're being very strict about this now. We drop a new episode at 3 a.m. early Tuesday morning and a new episode 3 a.m. Friday morning. And we're sticking to that schedule no matter what. So I talked on Tuesday's drop. On Tuesday's show, I know, A-hole, I'm an A-hole. On Tuesday's show, I talked about the Red Cross spending about $400,000 to raise a million dollars at Mar-a-Lago, giving $400,000 to Donald Trump. It's immoral for the Red Cross to be at Mar-a-Lago, to pay Donald Trump $400,000 and only make $500,000 in return. They're better charities you can be donating to. There was this big fundraiser Saturday. And by the way, they all dressed up like Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette. Talk about tone deaf. Not everybody showed up for the Mar-a-Lago benefit for the Red Cross. The Palm Beach Opera refused to perform and they were being paid. They were offered money to perform at this benefit for the Red Cross. Daniel Biagi, he is the director of the Palm Beach Opera, said it, he just didn't feel like he could guarantee the safety of the performers. There were 3,000 protesters outside Mar-a-Lago. 30 pro-Trump protesters outside Mar-a-Lago being drowned out by 3,000 anti-Trump, anti-Red Cross protesters Saturday. So Daniel Biagi said, I just can't guarantee the safety of our performers and they backed out and they didn't take the money and they apologized. He said, I just can't do it. That's a pretty elegant way of saying, now even, you know, no, we're not doing this. This is wrong. He turned down the money. In the Los Angeles Times yesterday, Sarah D. Weyer has a very inspiring story about Congressman Tom McClintock. He's a Republican representing Elk Grove in California. His phone rang seven times in 10 minutes on Tuesday afternoon. He is being haunted at all his town hall meetings. He was quoted in the Los Angeles Times as saying, they really hate Donald Trump and they're really mad about the election. Senator Kamala Harris says she's received 251,000 calls and emails since the inauguration. She received more than 105,000 calls, emails and letters telling her to vote against Education Secretary Betsy Davos' confirmation, your voice is being heard. It's important to go to fivecalls.org. Five, the number five, calls.org. They will tell you who your congressperson is, who your senator is, and they will give you a script and they'll tell you what you should say. It's so simple. As Ralph Nader says, it's easier than you think. Judge Neil Gorsuch, Trump's nominee for Merrick Garland's seat on the Supreme Court, Merrick Garland is supposed to be on the Supreme Court right now after Scalia died a year ago, Antonin Scalia. Remember him? The world's most homophobic judge died biting a pillow. We kid the homophobes. Judge Neil Gorsuch is making the rounds on Capitol Hill, trying to garner support. He met with Senator Blumenthal of Connecticut and he told Blumenthal that he finds Trump's attacks on the judges who are overturning the Muslim ban. He finds them disheartening. Well, if you're familiar with Judge Neil Gorsuch, you would find it odd that Gorsuch would find anything disheartening because that presupposes he has a heart to be disheartened. That's kind of nice that Gorsuch is spitting in Trump's face, even though Trump named him to be the Supreme Court. Then of course Trump went on a Twitter rant about Blumenthal, it's incredible. The president of the United States began attacking Senator Blumenthal because Blumenthal was in the Marine Reserves and lied about Vietnam. He kind of let people believe that he served in Vietnam and he didn't and he apologized for that. Frankly, he should not be the Democratic Senator from Connecticut. Stolen Valor is a crime. There should be zero tolerance for Stolen Valor. The Democrats should have made him step aside but he is the Democratic Senator from Connecticut. When you commit a crime like lying about serving in Vietnam, it opens you up to attacks from people like Trump who went after him on Twitter for leaking to the press Neil Gorsuch's reservations about Donald Trump. The Democrats need to do better. There are certain things that are unforgivable lying about Vietnam is one of them. The Neocons, the people who gave us the war in Iraq are still trying to find cover now, trying to rewrite history, trying to wash the blood off their hands. I talked last Tuesday about Elliot Cohen. He was the co-creator of PNAC, which invented the invasion of Iraq. He will not let up on Donald Trump. We must not let up on him. We do not need to build bridges with war criminals. People like David Frum, who was also an architect of the invasion of Iraq has an article in the most recent edition of the Atlantic Monthly attacking Trump, telling us what an autocracy looks like. These people need to go away. Once you destroy a country like Iraq, you need to go away. You don't get to opine anymore. Elliot Cohen, the invader of Iraq, says, I've been in this town for 26 years. Yeah, we'll leave, go. I've never seen anything like this. I genuinely do not think this is a mentally healthy president. This is what happens when you have a narcissist as president. You know what happens when you have George W. Bush as president? He listens to charlatans like Elliot Cohen or weekly standard editor-at-large Bill Crystal. Still going after Donald Trump, Bill Crystal, and by the way, thank you all for tweeting at him and reminding Bill Crystal of the blood he has on his hands for advising Bob Dole to kill Hillary Care in 1994. Bill Crystal, the founder of PNAC, which drew up the plans for the invasion of Iraq. Bill Crystal, trying to rewrite history, he was at an event filmed by the American Enterprise Institute. This is a Koch brother-funded think tank. They're merchants of doubt. They hire scientists to deny climate change. The American Enterprise Institute. Well, Bill Crystal was hosting an event with Charles Murray titled, it came apart what's next for a fractured culture? Murray wrote a book that's called Coming Apart. It talks about the cultural separation between the wealthiest and most educated white Americans and the poorest and least educated white Americans. Bill Crystal is against the Muslim ban. And during this event, he flippantly said, we need Muslims, we need immigrants coming into this country because white people have become decadent, lazy and spoiled. To be totally honest, if things are so bad as Trump says they are with the white working class, don't you wanna get new Americans in? And then he said, and this is my favorite part. Crystal said that he hopes, quote, this thing isn't being videotaped or even shown anywhere. Whatever tiny pathetic future I have is going to totally collapse. And he convinced the American Enterprise Institute to remove that clip from their website and their YouTube channel. So he's aware when he says this thing isn't being videotaped, whatever tiny pathetic future I have is going to totally collapse. Let's keep tweeting at Bill Crystal and remind him that he is responsible for the deaths of two million Iraqis. He's responsible for four million Iraqis being uprooted from their home. He's responsible for Hillary care getting blocked in Congress because he was Bob Dole's chief of staff. He wrote a memo to Bob Dole saying, whatever you do, you have to make sure Hillary care doesn't pass because it will kill the Republican party. He put party before lives. He is a inveterate liar who was given a column by the New York Times and was fired because they couldn't fact check Bill Crystal. So they got rid of him. You know, the New York Times has conservative columnists. Douthit, Brooks, they do feature conservative voices, but they cannot have liars like Bill Crystal is trying to whitewash his history by getting on board the anti-Trump bandwagon. We don't need you, Bill. History is written by the victors. You're a loser and we're not gonna let you forget that. And thank you to all my listeners who continue to tweet at Bill Crystal every day reminding him that he's personally responsible for the destruction of Iraq. And no matter what he says about Trump, we don't need him as our ally. We need him to go away. And yet he still pops up on George Stephanopoulos' Sunday show and is treated as though he's a legitimate mind. He is the son of Irving Crystal, a columnist, journalist, writer, the godfather of neo-conservativism and worked in the magazine industry, got his son a deferment from Vietnam and some jobs in publishing, created a monster of a child who is the ultimate chicken hawk, the guy who couldn't wait to send your kids to Iraq when he himself would not serve in Vietnam. Well, the travel ban is unpopular. A new Quinnipiac University poll finds that 51% of Americans are opposed to Donald Trump's order suspending travel from seven majority Muslim countries. By a margin of 70% to 26%, American voters opposed Donald Trump's order to indefinitely block Syrian refugees. Michael Wildus is the former mayor of Anglewood, New Jersey, where I grew up. His father, Leon Wildus, represented John Lennon when Lennon was being deported by the Nixon administration. He is the grandson, Michael Wildus is the grandson of Holocaust survivors. He represented Trump models for 10 years, taking care of their immigration problems. One of the Trump models he helped out was Melania Trump. She was born in Slovenia and needed work papers and needed to come to this country legally. You might remember last year that he helped Melania come into America and get her citizenship. He insists that she did everything on the up and up. Wildus now is representing two elderly Sudanese green card holders who were due to travel back to the United States from Sudan when the travel ban was signed. Wildus, who represented Trump models and Melania, says that Donald Trump's travel ban is unconstitutional and wrong and hurtful. I wish you Republicans listening how do I kinda bring this home to you? Well, you know, the first Mrs. Trump, Ivana. She was a citizen of Czechoslovakia, which at the time was part of the Soviet Union. It was a communist state and Ivana came to Canada and then to the United States while Czechoslovakia was still under the iron grip of the Soviet Union. And it was in the United States as a citizen of Czechoslovakia that Ivana met Donald. They got married. Now, imagine had there been a travel ban on Eastern Euro trash like Ivana Trump. Imagine if we were so afraid of the Soviet Union that we didn't allow people like Ivana Trump into America. Donald never would have married her. He never would have met Ivana. He never would have married her and there'd be no Ivanka. No Don Jr., no Eric. Parish the thought, conservatives. That's what a travel ban means. I worry of all the future Ivankas, Don Jr. and Eric's who were being denied just because of this travel ban. By the way, I dug up the hunting photos that Don Jr. and Eric took killing big game, holding up dead leopards and elk. These are just bad people, just bad. Well, they're hunters. They're hunters, isn't it? People who say, well, you know, I may not agree with everything Donald Trump says, but you gotta admit he's a great dad. Go look at those hunting pictures. Go look at what these two idiot sons do on a safari. While we're on the subject of guns and Muslims, the Gun Violence Archive, it's a nonprofit, came into being in 2013, to provide online access and accurate information about gun violence in the United States. This is nonpartisan. They draw from 2000 media, law enforcement, government and commercial sources every day in an attempt to provide real time information about gun violence. Again, it's an independent data collection group with no affiliation to any party. This is data as of today, as of Thursday, February 9th, 2017. Gun violence for the year 2016. There were 58,202 gun incidents in 2016. 15,056 Americans died from guns. That does not include suicides. 15,056 Americans died from guns, not including suicides. 30,602 Americans were injured by guns. 670 children were either killed or injured by guns. Teenagers, 12 to 17, 3,114 teenagers were killed or injured by guns. 385 mass shootings in 2016. Let me repeat, there were 385 mass shootings in 2016. What is a mass shooting? It is defined as an incident in which at least four people are killed or wounded. There were 372 mass shootings in the United States in 2015. 475 Americans were killed in 2015 from mass shootings. 1,870 were wounded. In 2016, there were 385 mass shootings. That is more than a mass shooting each day here in the United States. The number of police officers shot or killed from guns in 2016, 323. And 22,000 suicides from guns. There will be another terrorist attack in this country. There will be a mass shooting. One of the shooters will be Arab or Muslim. And the cover that the Republicans will have is, well, the travel ban was rescinded. The mass shootings are due to the NRA, not political, philosophical, or theological association. When you look at the terrorist attacks on American soil that took place under the Obama administration, the majority of them were from guns. There was the pressure cooker at the Boston Marathon, but there was about one terrorist attack a year committed by somebody who was Muslim in America. And except for the pressure cooker, the rest were guns. That's Muslim terrorism. Now, when Obama first took office, Homeland Security was gonna release a memo that had been prepared by the Bush administration. The head of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, had a report that Homeland Security had prepared. It had been ordered by George W. Bush. And it was gonna be released in 2009. And it warned of the possible recruitment of our military veterans by right-wing militia groups. Homeland Security was saying that one of the biggest threats to national security would be right-wing militia groups luring military veterans to their side. That report by Homeland Security was killed by veterans groups and the Republican Party. They were outraged that Homeland Security would issue a memo warning that homegrown Americans were going to commit terrorism on our soil. In 2015, finally, Homeland Security stood up to the right-wing and issued a memo that CNN got its hands on. Focused specifically on domestic terror threats from right-wing sovereign citizens, these extremists, like the Cliven Bundies, the people who do not recognize the federal government. The Homeland Security report was produced in cooperation with the FBI. And they say that there were 24 violent sovereign citizen-related attacks across the United States since 2010. This was a report that came out in 2015. These are incidents that involve killing police officers, tax officials, forestry officials. These are attacks that are directed primarily towards law enforcement officers. A poll was taken of state and local law enforcement officers and they asked them, who do you fear more? Foreign Islamists or sovereign citizen terrorists, domestic militia groups and sovereign citizens, sovereign citizen terrorists are more of a threat than Muslims according to a survey taken in 2015 of state and local law enforcement. For example, in 2013, the Los Angeles International Airport was shot up when TSA officer was killed by a man who held anti-government views. There was the couple killing two police officers in a bystander at a Las Vegas Walmart store. If you'll remember that was two years ago, they were sovereign citizens. Mark Potak, who I had on the show about two years ago, he is a senior fellow at the Southern Poverty Law Center. He says there are as many as 300,000 people who are in some way involved with sovereign citizen extremism. He said there are about 100,000 who are beyond extreme, just plain dangerous. He says sovereign citizens groups gain support when the economy turns sour. They're especially appealing to homeowners who are being foreclosed on. When a house is foreclosed on, they send in the sheriff to lock the doors. And sovereign citizens are encouraging Americans to ignore courts, ignore bankruptcy laws and hold your ground when the sheriff comes to kick you out of your house. I had a University of North Carolina professor, Charles Kurzman on the show two years ago. What they do is they count up terrorist attacks. What professor Charles Kurzman works with Duke professor David Schanzer, what they have discovered that there were 50 fatalities over the past 13 and a half years that were Islam inspired terrorist attacks. They go on to say that since 9-11, right wing extremists averaged 337 attacks per year in the decade right after 9-11, causing a total of 254 fatalities. Kurzman and Schanzer also interviewed law enforcement agencies of the 382 law enforcement agencies here in America, 74% say that anti-government extremism is one of the top three terrorist threats in America. Well, only 39% of our police officers said they viewed Al Qaeda or like-minded terrorist organizations as a threat to their community. And yet we're banning refugees and Muslims from seven countries with not a single record of attack on US soil. The Cato Institute, which is a right wing libertarian think tank, they have issued a new study saying that not one single attack on American soil has emanated from the seven countries Donald Trump has placed this travel ban on. But the White House continues to defend the travel ban. Last week, Kellyanne Conway humiliated herself by talking about the Bowling Green Massacre, poor White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer. For the past month, he keeps talking about a terror attack in Atlanta. On ABC's This Week, on January 29th, he told Martha Raditz, well, what do we say to the family that loses somebody over a terrorist attack? Whether it's Atlanta or San Bernardino or the Boston Bomber. Yes, there were terrorist attacks in San Bernardino and the Boston Bomber were terrorist attacks, but there was no terrorist attack in Atlanta. The next day he went on NBC's Morning Joe and said, too many of these cases that have happened, whether you're talking about San Bernardino, Atlanta, they've happened and the answer is we have to act now to protect the future. Earlier this week, he talked about the Atlanta terrorist attack. There was no terrorist attack. There was no Muslim attack in Atlanta. During the Olympics, there was some homegrown, I think it was Rudolph, Eric Rudolph, who was an American blew up some trash cans at the Olympics in Atlanta, but there's been no Islamic extremism in Atlanta. And then finally, Sean Spicer had to correct himself. He said, clearly I meant Orlando, not Atlanta. So three or four times Sean Spicer confused Orlando with Atlanta. The good news is nobody wants to be a spokesman for Donald Trump. They need a White House communications director. Two people were offered that job and they wisely turned it down. Rince Priebus, the chief of staff, is trying desperately to find somebody. Donald Trump does not like Sean Spicer. The president is reportedly disappointed with his job. He's especially disappointed because Melissa McCarthy portrayed him on SNL. Trump openly said that it was unfair and a disgrace for a woman to be playing Sean Spicer. You can't imagine somebody thinking this way, but this is what he really believes. He thinks it was demeaning and degrading to have Sean Spicer portrayed by a woman. So we talked about the raid on Yemen, which a lot of people are now saying was deeply flawed, unlucky, precipitous, that Steve Bannon wanted to move quickly. The raid in Yemen resulted in the death of a Navy SEAL and the death of an eight-year-old American citizen, which nobody is talking about. Al-Awaki's daughter, Al-Awaki was an Al-Qaeda champion living in Yemen who was an American citizen. Obama ordered a drone strike on him and killed him, then later killed his son. And now his eight-year-old American-born daughter is also dead from this raid in Yemen. Navy SEAL Chief Petty Officer William Ryan Owens was killed. Two days later, the leaks came out. The Pentagon began to talk and it wasn't a success. It has been reported that nothing really came from this, some would say, disaster. So of course, Sean Spicer said, for those who have criticized the recent raid in Yemen that result in the death of a Navy SEAL, you are dishonoring that service member. When the press shot back, but we're hearing that it wasn't a success. Sean Spicer said, it absolutely was a success. And I think anyone who would suggest it's not a success does disservice to the life of Chief Ryan Owens. He fought knowing what was at stake in that mission and anybody who would suggest otherwise doesn't fully appreciate how successful that mission was. Oldest play in the book. Screw up, hide behind the flag, hide behind the soldiers. They did that in Vietnam, George W. Bush did that in Iraq. When people were complaining about the way the war was going and whether or not we should even be there, George W. Bush would say, when you talk that way, you're hurting our soldiers. You're hurting their families. What about all those coffins? What about those young kids lying at Arlington for you to talk this way? Just demeaning to these brave young soldiers. What was demeaning to the lives of our soldiers was how carelessly Donald Trump, who never served, and Steve Bannon, how carelessly they went ahead with this plan that the Obama administration was not willing to go through with because they had attacked Yemen about two years ago and it was a disaster. The New York Times is reporting that Trump approved the raid, not in the situation room, but over dinner that he was having with Jared Kushner, Steve Bannon, and some national security aides. Trump continues to insist that the operation was a success. Senator John McCain, who's chairman of the House Armed Services Committee, earlier this week said that the Yemen raid raised some serious questions. Trump then lashed out at Senator McCain saying that the senator's negative assessment of what happened in Yemen emboldens the enemy. You know what emboldens the enemy? Incompetence. You know what hurts our soldiers? Hiding behind them instead of protecting them. While Donald Trump was so busy defending the honor of our troops, he held a Veterans Affair Listening session. It was the White House's attempt to have a listening session on the problems facing the Department of Veterans Affairs. This was on Tuesday. One of the problems with the event was they forgot to invite veterans. Nobody from the American Legion, nobody from the disabled American veterans or the veterans of foreign wars were invited. They didn't know this listening session was being held. That's how much this Commander-in-Chief cares about our soldiers. He'll use them and have them go off on questionable missions, and then he'll talk about how important the Department of Veterans Affairs is, but he doesn't ask the veterans to show up. What do you think that meeting was about? I suspect privatizing the Department of Veterans Affairs, turning it over to his cronies because they can take care of our veterans so much more efficiently than the government can. One more beauty from Spicer before I get to Kellyanne Conway. Okay, one more note on Sean Spicer. We all know that Elizabeth Warren got silenced because she wanted to read a letter that Coretta Scott King had written against Jeff Sessions back, I think, in 1989, calling him basically a racist who tries to prevent black people from voting. Press Secretary Sean Spicer on Thursday said that if Coretta Scott King were alive today, she would support his nomination based on what? Based on wishful thinking, based on using the memory of Martin Luther King the same way you use the memory of our soldiers, the way you use black people, the way you use soldiers, even though you have no intent to protect them. Kellyanne Conway. Kellyanne Conway was on Fox and Friends, and she endorsed Ivanka Trump's line of clothing. She violated federal statute 2635.702, use of public office for private gain. An employee shall not use his public office for his own private gain, for the endorsement of any product, service, or enterprise, or for the private gain of friends, relatives, or persons with whom the employee is affiliated in a non-governmental capacity, including non-profit organizations of which the employee is an officer or member. Later in the afternoon, Sean Spicer said that Kellyanne had been counseled, although it says an employee shall not use his public office for his own private gain, or for the private gain of his friends, relatives, or persons with whom the employee is affiliated. Doesn't say her, the Department of Defense is going to be renting from Trump Tower in New York City in order to achieve close proximity to Donald Trump when he's in New York. The floors available for rent would cost about $1.5 million a year. Believe that would be an ethics problem if anybody there knew what ethics was. Melania, a rumor was spread that she worked as an escort, so she sued to get her name back. She filed a lawsuit accusing a British news company of hurting her ability to build a profitable brand. In the brief, her lawyer said that this article, printed by the British tabloid, accusing her of being an escort, damaged her, quote, unique once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to launch a broad-based commercial brand when she's going to be one of the most photographed people in the world. She is utterly convinced, that Trumps are utterly convinced that they can use the White House to feather their nest, to get richer. They call it a conflict of interest. I don't see any conflict. There is no conflict. They're not conflicted. They're pretty happy about this. What else? Another lead came out, Donald Trump's first call with his overlord, Russian leader, Vladimir Putin. He talked to Putin on the 28th. Putin said, what are we going to do about the Star Treaty? And according to one of the new leaks that has come out, Donald Trump held his hand over the mouthpiece and said, what's the Star Treaty? He had no idea what the new Star Treaty is. It would give Russia and America until February of 2018 to reduce nuclear warheads. Both sides would get rid of nuclear warheads. Each side would only have 1,550, and it would also limit land and submarine-based missiles and nuclear-capable bombers. According to the scientists who maintain the doomsday clock, we are much closer now than we've ever have been before to arm again. Coming up, the Roastmaster General from Roast Battle, Jeff Ross. For us is the Roastmaster General of the United States. He's of the world. And he is also the executive producer, host of Roast Battles on Comedy Central. That's right. And you have a new movie out called The Comedian with Bobby De Niro. If you get to call him Bobby. Call him Bobby D. So tell me about the movie Comedian. It's called The Comedian. No, the movie Comedian, it came out in the... Oh, the documentary? Yeah. Not to be confused with. So the Comedian's a movie I co-wrote seven years ago. And Robert De Niro plays an older comic, like a... He plays himself as if he was gonna be a comedian. It's pretty great. Very entertaining. And Leslie Mann plays his love interest. What's it like working with Robert De Niro? This is too deep for me right now. If you wanna talk about this, we could do it in the afternoon. I wanna talk about elephants and fun stuff. There's no way. It's not a chance. Gotta play the room. Okay. Let's talk about your outfit, David. Okay. Why you dress like a fifth grader who has a snow day. I mean, seriously. Let the record show. There's some witnesses here. David is wearing... The bottom half looks like a substitute t-shirt. He's got khaki pants on, black socks and brown shoes that Woody Allen would wear if he was like taking a long walk. And the top half you're dressed somewhere between Charlie Brown and I don't know what that had is. The Make-A-Wish Foundation. Tell me about the USO show. The USO show? You went overseas? Well, Bob Hope brought me up by saying, here's a young comedian that we're all a big fan of. You were in Afghanistan, right? I was in Iraq. Iraq. You really do your research. This is impressive. You know, if you took it seriously, I would take it seriously. Roast battles is not the name of the show. It's called Roast Battle, Singular. The film's called The Comedian. This is the second time I've had you on my show and you've gotten pissed off. This is seriously the worst podcast that you could listen to. Folks, stop now. Press pause. Do something else. I had you. Well, Adam Corolla was too slow at download. You know, Bill Simmons took the week off. You have to listen to this. Dreck podcast, the David Feldman ambush. Trying to enjoy my last night in New York. Have some friends over. And you show up with this thing. God knows if it's even working. Last time I had you on, Sid Caesar had passed away. Way to really cheer up the mood. And I brought you down to these days, Dave. I brought you down to the KPFK studios. Yeah, that was fun. Right, and I forgot to ask you about Sid Caesar. You got really pissed off. Well, you had me down there to talk about something and then we didn't talk about it at all. We talked about sketch comedy. So now you're trying to overcompensate by asking about things that are important to me. But, you know, you were over in Iraq. We have soldiers there, don't we? We have a lot of soldiers there. 7,000 personnel, I think. Shout out to the troops who were hopefully not listening to this, doing anything. Even boarded Iraq right now. They're like, no, can't do it. Love, Jeff, but this is too much to bear. The David Feldman podcast. How'd you think of that name? It was just out there. Nobody wanted it. I took it. All right. Do you actually put down the soldiers who are serving our country overseas? Do I roast them? Do you roast them? Of course. And they can take it. They volunteer. Just like they volunteer to be in the military. They volunteer to come on stage and get speed roasted. I was there on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with Kelly Pickler and Chef Robert Irvine and the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. It was an amazing trip. Quite a crew. Do you show the head of the Joint Chiefs more respect than you would say a washed up comedian? Great question. When do you know it's safe? I treat all individuals with great respect. When do you know it's safe? Even one who's dressed like a child and a child molester at the same time, like yourself. When do you know it's safe to pick on somebody very strong and powerful? It's never safe. Oh, what? When do you know it's safe? When do you feel... It's never safe. That's why it's interesting. When you flew home, you stopped off in Florida. I stopped and went to Florida for New Year's, a little break. And there was an orange man at the golf course. An orange man? There was a man whose face is all... OJ's in jail, isn't he? I'm talking about a different murderer. Another golf aficionado who you ran into. Yes. He recognized you. Uh-huh. And he waved you over. Uh-huh. And he was about to be... Were you there? He was about to be sworn in as leader of the free world. I did see Donald Trump over New Year's at a golf course. And you walked up to him after he waved you over. It wasn't quite like that, but you're making it sound like a mafia sit-down. So you walked over. David, this intensity that you're taking on tonight is hard to wrap my head around. I've never met the president. I would be very nervous. Is he president? Yeah. Well, you know what? I'm starting to think he's gonna be president. That's happened. He was eating a hamburger, and what did he ask you? We had a nice chit-chat. We talked about my trip, of course. We talked about Joan Rivers. We talked about a number of things. And then when the conversation ended, what did he ask you? Yeah. We took a picture. You don't remember what he asked you? Oh, he asked me if I played golf. That's not the other thing. He asked me how Celebrity Apprentice was gonna do. You know, that's how I know him from show business. Right, but it's just kind of remarkable. It is kind of seeing an old friend who took over the world. But it's kind of remarkable that he's running the world supposedly. And his biggest concern is that Arnold's ratings might do better than his. Well, we all have our hobbies, Dave. That's his. And you knew him like 15 years ago, right? Yeah, I've worked for him. Been to Mar-a-Largo to perform. In another world, he would have been a charming, kind of harmless guy, right? He's definitely a great host. I mean, he knows how to entertain and, you know, he runs some of the most, these resorts, you know, these golf places are amazing. By the way, Trump International run by women, executive women, very well run place. And why do you think that is? I have a theory as to why that is, but... What is it? You got our first... Well, I wanna hear your theory. Do you think he's a feminist? No. So why do you think... But I think he obviously has women that he employs and promotes and supports. This has gotten so boring. We were doing so good. It's fascinating. None of us get to meet the president. No, that's not true. People meet him all the time. And you've met President Obama? I have. And Joe Biden? Briefly. I don't know. You dropped more names than Oscar Schindler over here. Did we see anything like it? Let's talk about roast battle. All right, what do you wanna know? When did you discover roast battle? And do you think it's good or bad for comedy, for the comedy clubs? I think it's good. It's great. Did you roast battle? I did roast battle, yeah. I'm doing one of those things. Go to roastbattle.com, everybody. Check out the battles. David Feldman's battle is not up there. But I do think you should keep battling. I think it's perfect for you. You could write five jokes, crush somebody. What would you say about me? You? You're my friend. I don't wanna hurt you. All right, well... You gotta get over it. Have you ever hurt anybody's feelings? I'm sure. When you're taping roast battle, do you ever see people like leaving and... No. Not talking? Oh yeah, I mean people get, their feelings get hurt at roast battle, but now I have to tell everybody ahead of time they have to be a good sport. Are there certain rules? Cause some of the comedians that do it have never been on TV, there's a lot of pressure, you know. So it's very important that we're all a good sport in life. I get made fun of a lot. I don't, I try not to take it personally. But when you're doing it properly, you have to go for their weak spot, right? Yeah. You wanna hurt them, right? Yeah, but that's the whole thing. You're not hurting them, you're doing it to their face. They're volunteering. When sizing up an opponent, you have to say what is this person insecure about? So I will say... You have to find their weaknesses. Right. So not everybody would wanna subject themselves to that. Like what are your weaknesses, Dave? What do you think? I would say, well, I did one against Patex and I would say being old, washed up, Jewish, divorced. That's all weakness. They're not weaknesses? I don't think they're weaknesses. I would think. I think, I don't know. I just think that they're like... They're quirks. Go ahead. Yeah, you can make them work on your behalf. But it's still perceived as a weakness. You can choose that, that's up to you. True. That's not up to them. All right, let's go. Do you ever think of going into our elementary schools and teaching roasting? I think that'd be a great idea. All right, kids, it's time for roasting class. All right. I feel like that's where it comes from, the sandbox. Right, it's the... That'd be a great roast pit where little kids in the sandbox roast each other. Well, you have a nephew when he was being bar mitzvahed. Yeah. I wanted to write a roast for him and get a teleprompter and have all his friends on the day his roast your nephew and you said no to that. That would be so funny. Why did you say no to that? I'm sure he probably said no to it. Who the fuck wants to get roasted on their bar mitzvah? It would be hysterical. It would be pretty funny, though. Do you have any other nephews? I have two, but they're both over bar mitzvahed. So it's too late? It's too late. This was about five years ago that I wanted to do this. Well, it doesn't have to be my nephew that we do this for. It could be a nephew or a 13-year-old boy or a woman, girl who's getting bar mitzvahed. It's not a bad idea. And they'd be traumatized by it. Depends how hard you go. Well, you gotta go hard. I guess. Otherwise it's not gonna be funny. 13, you know, their version of funny might be different than yours. I'm sure they'll go hard with their friends. Yeah, but they have no stuff. I made fun of my friends when I was 13. Did you ever get punched? Didn't everybody? Did you ever get punched? No, I'm a black belt. I knew karate as a little kid. So I defended people that got picked on. Weren't you like the youngest black belt? That's what they tell me, 10 and a half. You were the youngest black belt in America or New Jersey? In the country, I guess, for a while. For maybe a year or so. Looking at you, you would not think that. How dare you? I still have my black belt, but it doesn't fit around my waist anymore. I'm technically still a black belt. Did you ever use it? Yes. To heighten your orgasms, but... But did you ever use it to dye oxygen to somebody else? Did you ever get into a fight? I got to fight at a hockey rink when I was a little kid and I got in a fight. This kid that I grew up with told me that I defended him a few times when people were picking on him. But these are very vague memories for me, but he tracked me down as an adult and told me that. Well, what did your parents think at the age of 10? They knew not to fuck with me, I knew karate. But they had to have said to you. My mom tried to scold me once when I was like seven and she started to smack me and I blocked it with it. She made me go to karate school, there was no gym class, we were in a poor town in Newark. So I went to karate school, my sister too. And my mom tried to smack me once, I knew how to block it really well and I broke her finger. You broke your mom's finger? She was crying and laughing at the same time because I suddenly had karate instincts to block her smacking me. You broke your mother's finger? I don't think I've ever told this story. This is a David Feldman podcast exclusive. This is big. Can you cry a little? If this goes on much longer, we're all gonna be crying. I feel bad. But why would your parents at that early in it, was there rage that had to be changed? I grew up in Newark, New Jersey, I needed to learn how to defend myself. And by the way, good thing they did that because by the time I was 19, I was on my own. It was a good thing I had some confidence. So you were seven years old when you started with karate? Six and a half, I think. Six and a half? Something like that. Were you an angry kid? No, I could barely do it. I was terrible, I was uncoordinated. I didn't wanna be there. My mother dragged me there. I used to punch like this, like backward. I couldn't even figure out how to punch. I was completely. But then you got really good at it. We grew up in projects, so there wasn't a lot of room to throw balls and run around. You grew up in the projects? As a small kid. And at the age of 10, when you finally became a black belt. And if you had run into me, you know, the way I am now. Uh-huh. How tall were you? I was a little 10-year-old kid. So who would have won if I started? I would have kicked you in the balls and given you a good run for your money. To be a black belt, you have to fight adults and teach adults. At the age of 10. Yeah. So you would have been able to kick my ass. I still can kick your ass. But I'm saying as a kid. I don't kick your ass, but defend myself and get out of the situation. A kid at the age of 10 has to be able to fight an adult in order to become a black belt. That's amazing. But it's not a special belt for kids. So you're not leaving for L.A. tomorrow? Well, unless I get snowed in, and then we're all snowed in, and I'm going to order a cats' deli and have a party. All right, before you go. Before you go. Yeah, what's fashion, what's happening with Fashion Week this week? What's the hot shows? I'm going to be stuck covering it. Everything's fashion related. Natalie's more in line with fashion than anyone here. They're no more celebrities. There's a lot of celebrities, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's a good spot to be in. Maybe Jeff could do Fashion Week. I am weak in my fashion. What was the joke we had last year at America's Got Talent? And you didn't do it. What was it about? It was Fashion Week. There was the regurgitator. Oh, yeah. And there was Heidi Klum. What was the joke? I don't know. It was Fashion Week, Heidi Klum, and the professional regurgitator. What a week for people to get paid to throw up. It was a bulimia joke, and you wouldn't do it. You got it. It was a bulimia joke. It's sad. What's some Fashion Week? Natalie, tell us some Fashion Week stuff. Are you models? No. I'm a fashion designer. Oh, you're designers. I'm actually posters for some of the shows, like low-key shows. I see. That sounds cool. Have you ever made somebody cry? Have you ever brought somebody up on stage and made them cry? Where they thought it was gonna be a good idea. They get up and then you start hitting them. No, maybe once. Tell me about it. I don't want to embarrass him. Well, he's a great actor, a friend of mine. We roasted him at the Fires Club, and he had just had a new show come out. It was a terrible show, and his family was there, and he grew up in this area, and Richard Belzer started reading the reviews of the show that came out that day for the New York Post. Like, he was promoting this new show, and the reviews came out the morning of the roast, and Richard Belzer, instead of writing jokes, just read the New York Post review. Yeah. And was the guy angry or sad? He just told me, he said later on that he got emotional because he was thinking about his dead dad. Somebody made a joke about his dad, but it was bullshit. He didn't start crying until Belzer read those reviews. He had like three different papers and highlighted like those passages. And then he's read the entire, it was crazy. It was one of those. So I can't say I made anyone cry, but I have seen a grown man cry at a roast. Do you get angry about what? Just life in general, or do you work it out in your head? I don't think I'm an angry person. You're not an angry person. I feel like I've experienced anger, but... Do you believe in catharsis? Do you believe that there are ways to vent? I'm wearing a catharsis right now. Do you believe that there are ways to vent anger in a healthy way? Or do you believe, because I've been reading... I believe roast battle is a non-aggressive verbal expression of anger, a non-violent expression of anger, I should say. That's good for these times. Like for people that are angry, I do think in a weird way roasting sounds crazy, but to me roasting is kind of like a way to get your, yeah, yeah, it's out of your brain a little bit. But you don't roast somebody you are angry at. I don't know, I mean anger can come out through jokes about someone you love. You can, I can make a joke about you and somehow talk about the government at the same time. Day to day, when you're just dealing with the regular frustrations. Here we go again, this was so fun for a while. When you're dealing with the regular frustrations, like a friend of yours asks you to do his podcast. You've got some beautiful friends. Reminds me of the Holocaust. Never again. Never again. What do you do when you're seeing... By the way, if you're still listening to this, what are you doing with your life? If you're still listening to this podcast, wherever you are, wherever you are, you're right now, you're probably some fucking guy jerking off onto a mailbox with your headphones on at four in the morning somewhere listening to the David Feldman podcast. Like congratulations, you're probably the only person who made it this far. So when you were frustrated, like right now. Yes. Do you sieve? Do you vent? No, I make jokes. Or do you figure this will pass, calm down? Do you turn the heat off the anger? When you're in traffic in LA and it's a bad day and you get angry, what do you do? I try to think about something else. Yeah, good. I always just tell myself a different story. Like when you go to yoga, sometimes I'll get, I'll start to think about stuff that upsets me and you have to just switch it off. What makes you do that? I get so angry and I'm just angry. Come closer, you can't hear you. Some people go right to, some people go to food. Oh, food, that works. But you have, but if you have like some. That works, but like you say you just turn it off in yoga. That's your own brain. I was so angry today. Why? A guy didn't text me back for like all day. Yeah. He was nagging you. What's the most ridiculous reason ever? That's the lamest. He was nagging you. That's the worst. Do you know about nagging? No, please tell me. I would like to know. This sounds like something I don't know about. You don't know about nagging? How do you know about that? What are you talking about? Nagging is if you want to attract, if you want a girl to be attracted to you. That's bullshit. You treat her bad. You nag her. That's not a thing. I don't believe that's a real thing. It's a real thing. What? Well, Rocky looks pretty crazy. Didn't you read the game? Haven't you read? Oh, shit. Maybe that's what works on me. It's like when a guy is addicted to you to get your attention. When a guy's like, you're really cute, but your hair is kind of like jacked up. So it's just like some compliment that's not actually a compliment. And then they're like, but what are you talking about, though? They're like, you're like, but my hair's not fucked up. They say that to get your attention. The first thing Andy said to me was, who's Andy? I'm going to go with stylist. Oh, slow down. Who's Andy? This is good. Do you find that if a guy is disrespectful to you, you are more attracted to him? Now you're making me psychoanalyze my own behavior. I mean, like, I can't. That's a yes or no question to such a complex question. I mean, I guess probably, like, but. Probably? Fuck, what is that question? Because that's the theory. I mean, that's why I hang out with Jeff. I mean, no, it definitely works when you're not aware of your own behavior. But the second you start to, like, assess yourself, you understand. Like, it only it only works for the short term. Yeah, it doesn't work for much longer than a girl can, like, take a second to, like, analyze it. I mean, girls are guys. It probably works on guys, too. Oh, you know what? It 100% works on guys. There is no way it doesn't. Wait, how do we have to put this topic? So if a guy, if a guy is very nice to you. Yeah, we get drunk. If a guy is very nice to you. Do you find that attractive? Is he attractive? Like, I don't know. If there's such a complex. It just depends on the guy and, like, what exactly goes on. You know, like, it there's going to be a process. If you're actually interested in the guy, then no matter what he does or what whatever happens, you actually like the guy for who he is. If he's a jerk, then it's like a chore. Then it's like extra. Then it's like fun. Oh, so you already like him and then he's a jerk that. But you have to already like him first. You can't just be a jerk. Good point. Yeah. OK, and what makes him likeable? You're you're you're professional. I don't know. I feel like people like each other for the randomest reasons. Like, it could be a person's ears. Like, it could be as weird as fucking that. No, I'm just giving you a random example. It's true. It's pheromones. It's just it's pheromones. It's just the weird energy that we have as a human being. I like the weirdest people. You like the weirdest people. True. Could you what do you mean an open relationship? As in, like, I like have a boyfriend when we see whoever you want to see. That's nice. Yeah, it's super nice. What are you going to travel? Yeah, that's true. But we... Yeah, could I have his phone number? I mean, I guess so. Do you think it's pheromones? It's all smell. I don't think so. Smell. Smell. That's what they say, that there's like a hormone and you smell it. You know, I think if you like someone, they smell better. That's true. Oh. I was at yoga the other day and there was a couple that, you know, like behind me, you know, it's dark and it's so hot, right? And you know, yoga, hot yoga. But this is exactly your point. That yoga, I knew you were going to say hot yoga. They were telling each other. So this is the point. Dave, you'll appreciate this because I'm always telling you to go to yoga. OK. So there's a couple there. After the yoga class, you're... I mean, you literally could wring out your t-shirt. It's so hot in there. It's called hot yoga. You drink a whole bottle of water. You sweat it all out. It's the greatest high you can have. But you're literally laying by the end of it in a pool of your own face sweat. And you couldn't be wetter. This guy just rolled over on top of his girlfriend and just started making out with her. I've seen this. No, I went to a hot yoga class. Five people in the class, two or a couple. They were like clearly in it for sexual reasons. You could tell. And they like made it clear to everyone. Like, it was also like voyeuristic. They like wanted people to like... What? It was a sexual thing. He was doing going downward dog. We all laughed. You hear what he said? We had our glass. What was that? I don't want to... It was called what? I don't remember. It's a good joke. This reminds me of every party I was at in high school. Just making dirty sure. Did you wear the same outfit? All right, Jeff, thank you. What? What's your rush? Now I'm loosened up. Oh, okay. Talk to these guests. Sorry to interview you. You have to go to a... Knock on my neighbor's door or do a podcast. You have to get to Fulton's Fish Market to do a 4 a.m. I figured, you know... It's not even that late, but you... You were generous with your time and I don't want to take up more. Not to mention that can of club soda that you drank. It was very good. Folks, thanks for listening to the David Feldman podcast. I consider this... Consider this a tax write-off of your time. How much do you make an hour? Subtract this time from your taxes. You did it. You did it. You served. You served a man today. You gave... No, it's great. This was better than the last one. The last time you did... We can continue. You know that, right? Oh, this is... I thought the party atmosphere livened it up a little bit. Yeah, yeah. But you know what? Are you doing a set? Answer your question. Are you doing a set tonight? No. I think I just did. You guys want to hear some jokes? Knock, knock. Come in. Knock, knock. Come in. The door is open. Come in. No, that's not your line. Go on out. Knock, knock. Natalie has it. Knock, knock. Who is there? It's David Feldman. Could I come do my podcast in your apartment? Thank you. We just take care of a little more business here. Frank V sent me this article from SF Gate. As you know, there was a friend of the court brief filed by about 97 companies, most of them technology companies, saying that the travel ban is unconstitutional and bad for business. One of the companies that did not sign this court brief against the travel ban was Oracle. And I suggested that perhaps Oracle, since they're in the database business, is eyeing a contract with the Trump administration for if they do a Muslim registry, Oracle would like that business the same way IBM facilitated the rounding up of Jews by doing business with Nazi Germany. And Frank V, who listens to this show, sent me an article from SF Gate. SF Gate is a consortium of San Francisco news gathering operations. When I was living in San Francisco, it was started by the Chronicle and the Examiner. I don't know who owns it now, but it's a legitimate news organization. This is an article written in 2002 by Todd Wallach. He wrote it for the San Francisco Chronicle. Oracle has built its business through government contracts, according to this article. The article in the Chronicle from 2002 said that Oracle launched its business in 1977, May of 1977. Their first customer was the CIA. In fact, the firm gets its name from a CIA project codenamed Oracle. I didn't know this. Oracle got its name, named itself after the CIA project that they were hired to help out on. Company co-founders Larry Ellison worked on Project Oracle at a consulting firm and then decided to start their own database gathering organization. Since then, Oracle has turned out to be a very profitable company. It continues to sell software to federal, state, and local governments. Mike Wilson, the author of The Difference Between God and Larry Ellison. Larry Ellison is the founder and CEO of Oracle. Mike Wilson wrote a book called The Difference Between God and Larry Ellison. He says, quote, Oracle wouldn't exist if it weren't for government contracts. Todd Wallach wrote this article for the San Francisco Chronicle in 2002 that Oracle has 1,000 sales and consulting workers who are focused exclusively on government work. And after 9-11, according to this article, Oracle was counting on a lot of business from the government, from Homeland Security. Oracle is actively pitching software to local governments to fight terrorism. Larry Ellison in 2002, the co-founder of Oracle, the CEO, called the Bush White House, Homeland Security, and offered to sell them software to help create a national ID to fight terrorists. Oracle has openly boasted that they're very active in Homeland Security. In 2002, when this article was written, Bob Austrian, who is a Bank of America securities analyst, said that Oracle was a good buy because they're very involved in information tracking. Bob Austrian was recommending that people buy Oracle because, quote, the majority of interest surrounds tracking individuals and information, which by its nature is a database intensive application. Bob Austrian, working for Bank of America securities back in 2002, was recommending that people buy stock in Oracle because of its database business, which Homeland Security would be using to create a national ID, which we don't have yet. Possibly a database for people of a non-Christian religion remains to be seen. Thank you, Frank V, for that article that was written in 2002 for the San Francisco Chronicle. That's going to do it for us. Keep your letters and your emails coming. Stay in touch with me. Go to davidfeldmanshow.com. If you go to davidfeldmanshow.com, you'll see lots of things, lots of old episodes. I'm not going to mention the name of one of our listeners, but she is going on Reddit, which I don't understand, but she's going on Reddit and creating a subreddit for this show. I don't know what that means, but I would like to get people who go to Reddit to listen to this show. Help me on social media, post, copy and paste this link and put it on Facebook, put it on Twitter. Copy and paste the link for this show. Put it in your emails, please, and send it to your friends. I read all your emails. If you friend me on Facebook, I will read your comments and respond to them. I answer all emails. To all my subscribers, thank you. You've been very supportive over the past couple of years. For $5 a month, you can gain access to our premium content, and you'll be helping to keep this show going. From the ShowBriz Studios in downtown Manhattan, that'll do it for us.