 I'm gonna be using the wig today because my wig got snatched, am I stupid? I'm gonna really fucked up me today. I really am, and I'm gonna get onto why in a, in a mode. I can be a blonde bitch, see? Hey, what's up guys? My wig got snatched. That was the shittest thing I've ever done on camera. Today's video is one that I've been working on this video for around a week and a half. As some of you know, my PTSD recently has been very out of control. I've been having flashbacks. I haven't had to sleep because of flashbacks. If you're in the group chat that I have, yeah, now I've been having flashbacks. I also just wanted to say thank you to Beth because Beth has been amazingly supportive. As in she put up with my rant last night of being like, fuck this shit, fuck this. PTSD is a mental health condition that can affect anyone of any age. You don't have to be a certain age and this is directly to the stupid people who keep commenting on my video, you're too young to have PTSD. Hint? I'm not. I'm perfectly of age. There were so many people who also struggle with PTSD that are young as well. I posted this on Twitter and I got a response and I'm gonna post a few, like, little things on... There's a few things on screen at the moment, okay? I can't explain myself properly. I was gonna get a drink. I'm now under the home treatment team as well and I'm about to turn back around. So this video is about PTSD, living with PTSD, what life is like with PTSD, how it affects me and what is going on in my life. This is a life update with PTSD, essentially. PTSD life update, guys. I could never be a beauty hero. So this video is a PTSD update, I guess, because I'm basically... When I've been filming videos recently, I've had flashbacks on camera slash dissociated. And dissociation is both a sign of the actual condition I have, but it's also a sign of PTSD. So I took out the footage from the actual videos that it was from and I'm putting them in this video. I wanted to show you what PTSD actually looks like. For me, anyway, this isn't everyone. This isn't how it affects me. This isn't, like, a full-on episode. If I have a full-on episode, I... I don't even think I can explain. Last night, the home treatment team ended up coming out, giving me a medication, and that whole scenario, the home treatment team came out tonight. At the end of this video, you're gonna hear the outcome of that. And so, yeah, this video is just going to show you what it's like living with PTSD and how it impacts me. I... PTSD has been a diagnosis I've had for a while. It's got worse recently and I don't exactly know why. I'm due to speak to my GP tomorrow as well. I feel depressed today. I don't even know why, really. Um, I'm presuming it's because last night I spent the entire night having flashbacks and all of that. That was not fun. It really wasn't. Um, flashbacks. Stop. Like, I did say that this was a trigger for me. My head is sort of full and draw-long as she had probably stopped. All I keep thinking about is how when I was in custody, I was fucking with my arms. It was beautiful and I turned around and said, I want to fucking die. Yeah, I don't know. I'm just fucking, I'm just fucking vegan. I'm just fucking vegan. And then, oh shit, the restaurant was open. Shit. I hate reliving and fucking everything. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Okay. Hello. You have reached the CNWL, single point of access for adult mental health services. The quality of this is really bad. It's really bad. I don't have the energy to go out for a bar and turn the light on. I'm sat on my desk at the moment. I keep having really, really, really good flashbacks. I've been debating whether or not to phone the crisis to you. I went to phone them and then I hung up and I was like, I can't do this. And I don't know if I should try and call them or not. You will now be transferred to a number of staff who can help you. Please note your call may be recorded for training and monitoring purposes. Hey, yeah. Hello. Hello. I'm sorry. I'm struggling a bit tonight. Yeah, it's... About last night, yeah. Oh, right. It's been going for the entire year, but it's just getting worse and worse and worse. Do you think you need to go back to see the doctor to get something to help you sleep instead? I don't know what the risk is, because I've been on Zopi clone on and off and it doesn't do anything. You think medication's not helpful, you say? The ones I've been on haven't helped. I've been on Zopi clone as well recently. It didn't do anything. And you've had this feeling for a long time. Can you distract yourself or try and do some leading? I've tried doing all that before. You pick up the phone. Picking up the phone for me is the last thing they do. Pardon? You've tried... It's what I've been trying to do all day. I really don't know. I just want to mind just running again. Yes, you just what? I just want all the thoughts to stop. Sorry, what do you think? I just want all the thoughts to stop. What are you planning to do? Given out Joseph's video, the footage you just watched is... To start with, it was from other videos and showing what PTSD looks like in me. Like the little vlog sequence, which was the phone call to the home treatment team. Wow, the single point access flying for West London. Then numbers you heard me call and the phone call you heard and the conversation you heard me having with a support worker. I think he's a support worker. That is what's going on at the moment. That's the current situation. I'm going back under the care of the home treatment team. How does it feel to be going back under mental health services? I'll make a video about that tomorrow. That's like, another video. I've got a few mixed thoughts on it and I just thought I'd mention that. But the big thing is PTSD does not have an age. If you'd like to see more of me and what I do, I post literally every day on my Twitter and I post every day on here. So make sure you turn notifications on on the future channel and if you don't want me in, you have to subscribe. You click the little subscribe but then a little bell appears and you get to ring it and it doesn't make a ringing noise but that'd be so cool if it did. Imagine that you are ringing the notification and it goes ding, that'd be awesome. Leave a comment down below of any videos you'd like to see. If you want to know more about me and my life I have loads of playlists linked on my homepage on my channel. I'm currently posting every single day whether it's a story, mental health update, general talky video, or just live streaming. We do all sorts here. It's a crazy ass channel and we do loads of random shit. Mainly we talk about mental health because we're going to fright the stigma and we're going to fight for what we deserve. I also wrote a book earlier this year, shameless promo. If you want to buy the book, the link is in the description down below. Second edition is coming out at the end of the year. Yeah, so make sure you follow me on my social media, leave a comment down below, subscribe, comment, an idea, or question you'd like to have answered because I'm listening. No, I'm just listening. No, maybe, wasn't me, potentially. I don't know, I'm going to go to bed soon. I'm quite tired. I have also slept all day today, but no, I just had to make this video or get my thoughts out there because those are the comments that bother me. You don't have to be a certain age to have PTSD. There is no set for this. I posted on Twitter a while back. Next time someone says it to me, I will throw a copy of the DSM5 at them and ask them to point to me. What I hear it says there is an age for PTSD. Because spoiler alert, there's no age to be diagnosed with PTSD, but apparently there is. So who fucking knows? Let's leave the world to what it is. And like I said, if you're new here, hit subscribe button. I could have made any content every single day. I've got nothing to hit you with today. So I'm going to cheers you. Cheers to raising mental health awareness and subscribing to Life Olivia, the best mental health you've ever. I'm really not, but I'm real. I'm a human. Ding. One, I need to go out to bed. I don't know what I'm doing with my life at the moment. Oh. If anyone wants an actual life update video, please let me know in the comments because I'd actually like to do a life update. I don't know why I've put lava. I literally just put lava. I'm sorry, Beth. I'll be real though. I don't know. I'm going. Peace.