 The Jell-O program brought to you by Jell-O and Jell-O Pudding, starring Jack Benny, with Barry Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, Rochester, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens the program with free-for-all, flavor, such well-rich flavor. That's what you're going to say, friends, the very first time you taste the new Jell-O, because Jell-O today is extra-rich thanks to a new and exclusive Jell-O process. By means of this amazing process, Jell-O's glorious goodness is locked in, protected for your pleasure, and never before has Jell-O tasted so downright grand. Never before has it been a more perfect dessert, a more delicious treat. You'll enjoy it more than ever, now the Jell-O's famous flavor is locked right into the tiny Jell-O particles. Just try it and see. Prove for yourself that Jell-O's flavor really is locked in. Open a package of Jell-O. Notice that there's no telltale odor. No sweet, fruity aroma to warn of escaping flavor. But the instant you dissolve the Jell-O into a grand Jell-O dessert, out-pause its captive flavor to make that dessert a wonderfully rich, tempting treat. So order several packages of Jell-O tomorrow. Remember, Jell-O's new locked-in flavor makes Jell-O more than ever the dessert for you. Saving time goes into effect tomorrow, and clocks throughout the country will be moved one hour ahead. That's right. So without further ado, we bring you a man who will have only 11 hours sleep tonight instead of his usual 12, Jack Benny. Thank you. Jell-O again. This is Jack Benny talking. And Don, I don't know where you got the impression that I sleep 12 hours a night. I'm up bright and early in the morning the same as everybody else. Yes, Jack, but look at the time you go to bed. By 9 o'clock every night you're in dreamland. And not on Wednesday nights. They don't raffle off the Plymouth at the Oriental until 9.30. By the time I get through arguing with the manager, it's usually two in the morning. What's the idea of arguing with the manager? Listen, Don, I've been going to that theater for years now, and it's about time I want to slab a bacon or something, anything. You mean as often as you've gone there, you've never won a prize? Well, my number was called on two different occasions, but, oh, forget it. No, no, no, Jack. No, Jack, what happened? Well, you see, Don, when they call your number, you have to get up to the stage within 60 seconds. Uh-huh. Well, the first time I didn't get there fast enough, and the second time I was disqualified for wearing roller skates. I missed out on a case of minute tapioca. Anyway, Don, getting back to your introduction, you'll have to admit that it was hardly fair. Oh, come now, Jack. Just because you get to bed late on Wednesday nights, that doesn't make you night out. Not only Wednesday, big boy. You know, uh, you know what time I hit the hay last night? 4 a.m. 4 a.m. My goodness, were you out night clubbing? No, it was Mr. Billingsley's fault. He was playing soldier outside my bedroom door, and just because I didn't know the password, he wouldn't let me in. Uh, I'll know it, uh, I'll know it tonight, believe me. What is the password, Jack? Well, it's, it's not exactly a word, Don. I just have to go, bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb One hour's pay, it's only for the duration. You'll get it back as soon as the war is over. The hour or the money? Both. It's war time. If there are any more objections, just read your contract. Who can read it? You've got one whole page written in Eskimo. Well, mine too, now what's the big idea? Because when the contracts were drawn up, my lawyers happened to be Smith, Smite, Mullen, and Mooseface. Now drop it. Leave it to Benny to get a lawyer that can spear fish for him, too. Mary, I retain Mooseface by the year. What's he going to do when someone isn't suing me? Just sit around? Be reasonable. Say, Jack, what does that Eskimo clause in our contract mean? I've never had it translated. I have. It says, after who want raise can put high heels on snowshoes. Well, that's not a literal translation, but that's the gist of it. And I don't want you all reading your contract. If I hear another word about contracts, I'll scream. Virgil, Virgil, just make with the noise a no dialogue. You're only the sound man here. Well, I get more fan mail than you, you old tin type. Get away from that microphone. I'll beat it. Oh, Jack, stop picking on Virgil. He's very important to our show, and you know it. Important? Yes, and all our plays, he opens doors, rings bells, shoots, guns. Oh. And when you're supposed to walk down the street, Virgil walks for you. Virgil walks for me? Well, any sound man can do that. With your flat feet? That's hard, Daddy. Virgil, I told you to get away from that mic. I never saw a guy with pictures. Hey, Jack, here comes Night School Joe. Oh, yes, our friend student. Hello, Phil. Bon Swire, folks. Bon Swire. Hello, Jacquees. Jacquees. And Marie and Dune. Dune. Phil, a dune is a great big pile of sand. But I guess you're right. Anyway, why don't you cut out that French? The stuff you say doesn't even make sense. Well, I learned a new one this week. Get a load of this, Jackson. Ma orquesse travail dune soupier. Hmm. What does that mean? My orchestra works in the soup terrain. Your orchestra works in the soup terrain? Yeah, that's as close as I could get to Biltmore Bowl. Well, Phil, don't you think that before taking up a foreign language, you ought to learn how to speak English? And what's wrong with my English, may I ask? You're kidding, of course. And now, folks... No, I ain't. What's wrong with my English? Phil, I met a Fiji Islander once with a ring in his nose who had only been in this country three weeks and he speaks better English than you do. Much better. Well, then I got to get one of them rings. It won't help you, believe me. Let him get one. This is an emergency. Marie, if Phil ever puts a ring in his nose, Alice will snap a leash on it, sure as anything. And now, folks, Phil Harris and his 18 dreamboats will entertain us with a band number. Hit it, Phil. Wee-wee, amigo. Phil, amigo is Spanish. You're talking Spanish now. Then I want more money. Oh, play. Play, go ahead. Hold it a minute. Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes? If you recognize me... No, I don't. Well, that's my fault. I should never have taken that ring out of my nose. Get out of here. He's a Fiji Islander, all right. Look at that bushy head of hair. Play, amigo. Medley of deep in the heart of Texas and the eyes of Texas are upon you played by Phil Harrison, his orchestra, who may be heard nightly except Sunday in the soup terrain of the Biltmore Bowl. Say, Phil, that medley was really thrilling. Now, how'd you happen to play it? Well, I got a lot of pals in Texas, and I don't want them to forget me. Oh, yes. You and the boys work down there every summer, don't you? Yeah, last year we did one night singing in Fort Worth, Dallas, and Galveston, and then we played three months in Van Horn. Three months, eh? Yeah, that's what they gave my guitar player for stealing a cow. Stealing a cow? Well, he didn't exactly steal it. He tried to elope with it. You know how frank he is when he drinks. You must have eloped with that guitar, too. It's got Gene Autry's name on it. Now, let's see. Let's see, where are we? About time for my play, isn't it, Jack? Oh, yes, yes, your play. And now, folks, Mr. Don Wilson, that eminent American author, has written another of his famous one-act plays. Take it, Dune Wilson. Ladies and gentlemen, the scene is the honeymoon cottage of a young couple who have just been married. The bride played by Mary Livingston. Mary. The arrival of her husband, for whom she has just prepared her first dinner. We take you now to the home of Mr. and Mrs. Typical American. Isn't home yet? Hello, sweetheart. Hello. Did you have a busy day at the office, Typical? Awful. That fresh boss of mine had me sitting on her knee all day. I'm a secretary, folks. Well, look what's on the table. Are you working at Jigsaw Puzzle, darling? No, that's your dinner. Yipe! So you surprised me, eh, darling? Yes. Sit down, Tippi. My, this looks so good. What would you like with your dinner, sweetheart? Coffee, tea, or milk? Milk, please. Okay. Virgil, the cow has milked already. The milk's in the bottle. Now, pay attention. Look at those homemade biscuits. Look at those homemade biscuits. Did you make them yourself? Yes. Take this hammer and butter them. They are. They are a little cemented. And my goodness, look at this platter of meat. You love it, dear. It's Swiss steak. Swiss steak. Ole, ole, hee-hoo! Virgil! So what's the matter with you, sweetheart? Now sit down and take that alpine hat off your head. The cheese, too? Yes. The whole darn outfit. Now let us alone so we can eat. Thirty minutes later. He has a beautiful wife and a cute indigestion. He eats this bowl of tempting and economical jello. Give me some of that, too. Even you can make jello right. I never think of such a clever commercial. Well, I was sleeping on my back last night and I didn't know what to do. Well, I was sleeping on my back last night and I dreamt it. Well, tum me down tonight, please. Not that I didn't like it, Don, but... well, I thought you were lost, Dennis. Where were you, kid? I'm not a kid anymore. I just fell in a manhole. That makes him a man. If you fell in a golfer hole, you'd be a golfer. You're a rat hole one. Oh, quiet. I'm glad you got here, Dennis. And now, ladies and gentlemen... Oh, say, Mr. Benny, have I got a surprise for you? Have I got... For our feature attraction, this is... What do you mean, surprise? Here, read this. I cut it out of a radio column. Let's see it. Well, I'll be darned. Get a load of this, fellas. It is reported officially from New York that starting March 8th, Fred Allen will switch the time of his broadcast from Wednesday to Sunday night. Imagine... Well, I knew that. He's replacing the Sunday evening symphony hour. Allen's replacing the symphony hour. Well, they better tell everybody in advance. Or when they hear Allen's voice, they'll think it's an old bassoon left over. Anyway, if Allen goes on the air Sundays, I'm going off. I can make a darn good living out of pictures. Oh, how many postcards of your house do you sell a week? Plenty, sister. Anyway, I don't want Allen on the air the same day as I am. But, Jack, there are a lot of comedians besides you on Sunday night. One more won't hurt. A lot of comedians. Name one. Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy. That's two. Name one. I dare you. Oh, Jack, you know very well that Edgar Bergen plays both parts. McCarthy is a dummy. Oh, oh, so you're falling for that stuff, too, eh? I happen to know that Charlie McCarthy is just as much flesh and blood as I am. On flesh, I won't argue. No argument on blood, either. I got plenty in my veins. Mr. Benny is right. I gave him a transfusion yesterday. You didn't give me anything. I paid you $5 a gallon. Now, be quiet. Gee, I'm so weak I can hardly stand up. Well, at your old forge, you didn't say when. Anyway, anyway, I've got to do something about Allen. Gosh, I'm dizzy. Dennis, Dennis, eat liver. You'll get it back. Mary, get me Mr. John Swallow on the phone. His private extension is 309. Okay. I'm going to nip this in the bud. He's the program manager. I'm going to straighten out this Allen Sunday night situation. I don't get mad often, but when I do. Hello? Hello, Mr. Swallow. Oh. Hello, Mr. Swallow. Why didn't you get back from Travis Brown? Give me that phone. Mr. Swallow, this is Jack Benny. See, I just found out something, and I'd like to talk to you about it. Now, I'm not going to stand for anything. I'm glad you called, Jack. What? The program's the sensor. It tells me he's been having a little trouble with you. Trouble with the sensor? Who, me? Yes. Now, Jack, when he tells you to take a joke out of your program, don't argue about it. Take it out. What? Wait a minute, Mr. Swallow. Are you referring to the gag we were going to do about cooking flapjacks on a griddle? I certainly am, and you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Well, for heaven's sake, what's wrong with cooking flapjacks on a griddle? The word griddle sounds exactly like girdle. Sounds exactly Mr. Swallow. I defy you, Mr. Williams, or Oscar of the Waldorf, to cook flapjacks on a girdle. It can't be done. That's not the point. The line is still doobal-untunda. And don't pull that Phil Harris stuff. I like that griddle gag very much. Well, it's definitely out. All right, all right. Goodbye. Goodbye. Hmm. Harmless little gag about hotcakes, and I can't even do it. Well, come on, Dennis, sing your song. Well, what'd you do about Fred Allen? Who? Oh, my goodness, I forgot all about him. I'll take it up later. Well, come on, come on, Dennis. Let's have a song. Okay. If it's so burned up lately, I must be getting high blood pressure. With my blood yet? Oh, quiet, Sting. There must be some way of fixing that Sunday night thing. This love of mine sung by Dennis Day. And very good, Dennis. Sure, and it was wonderful to be got it. And now, ladies and gentlemen... Well, Dennis, your blood is working on him. Yes, it is at that. Yeah, I wasn't such a tightwad. We'd all get a raise. Hooray, I've got an alibi. And now, folks... Hey, uh, Jack, what are you going to do about the Fred Allen situation? Yeah, you're gonna let that guy get away with it? Well, I've been thinking it over, gentlemen. And I'm going to form a little group that'll take care of him. The S-A-A-L-C. What's that stand for? Sunday artists against low comedy. I'm gonna send letters to Bergen, Abbott and Costello, Phil Baker, Gilder, Sleeve, and all of them. What about me? I'm a Sunday artist. You're a Sunday... Well, I'm having enough trouble with Mr. Swallow. But I'll have my lawyer send you a letter anyhow. It only costs $10 to join. That Eskimo isn't getting any $10 out of me, sugarfoot. Who asked you? Now, get this straight, Virgil. You're not a comedian. You're a sound man and not a very good one at that. I don't know why I don't yank that wig right off your head. You lay one hand on me and you'll... Oh, Jack, stop pointing at your glasses. He won't hit you. Never mind. I've got more important things to do than argue with this guy. Until March 8th, I'll be working day and night. You mean to say that you're going to all this trouble just to keep Alan off the air Sundays? I owe it to the public. It's a crusade. That's what it is. Well, gee, I don't know what all this fuss is about. Personally, I think Mr. Alan is wonderful. Dennis, you're fired. Anyway, Don, get out. Get out, scram kid. Anyway, Don, I think I'll send you... Leave the music here, Dennis. It's not yours. Anyway, Don, get back in the manhole cover. I think... Don, I think I'll send you... I think I'll send you an application blank, too. And then if we all stick together... I'll take it. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny. This is Rochester. What do you want? Boss, I always thought that border of ours was cuckoo, and now I know it. Mr. Billingsley, what's the trouble now? He's playing soldier again. This morning, he locked me in my room for three hours. Well, why didn't you give him the password? It's... That was yesterday, today is... Oh, so he changed it, eh? Well, I'm glad you told me. I don't want to have to go to a hotel tonight. Now, Rochester, you just humor Mr. Billingsley and let him play soldier. He's perfectly harmless. What about that shotgun he carries around? That shotgun isn't loaded. It ain't, eh? No. He's got in the library of George Washington crossing the Delaware. Yes. Well, he'll never make it in that boat. My goodness. Well, I'll tell you one thing, Rochester. He's going to pay for that painting. He paid for it already. Good. You ought to see his new $5 bills. He's got my picture on him. Oh, for heaven's sake. You know what else, boss? What? You're the secretary of the treasury. Oh, well, he's just having fun. He prints them on Kleenex. He can't be a counterfeiter. Well, Rochester, I'll be home pretty soon, sir. Oh, oh, say, Rochester, sir. Where's Mr. Billingsley now? He's out in the garage squeezing orange juice. Squeezing orange juice in the garage? Yeah, he nails an orange on the wall and then backs the Maxwell into it. Well, I'll see you in a little while. So long. So long. I was wondering where those yellow spots on my garage wall came from. I thought there was something wrong with my eyes. Play, Phil. Then don't wait another day to serve this one. It's a delightful jello treat called a grand-looking, good-looking dessert that's not only delicious, but easy to make. Here's all there is to it. Simply dissolve one package of orange jello in a pint of hot water in peach juice and chill until slightly thickened. Next, fold in one cup of canned sliced peaches drained. Or, if you wish, use one box of quick frozen sliced peaches freshly thawed, then mold and chill until firm. And there's a really special treat, a rich, shimmering combination of juicy sliced peaches and sunny orange jello. So get a can of sliced peaches, or a box of quick frozen sliced peaches from your grocer tomorrow, and treat yourself to this swell dessert. When you make it, be sure to use genuine jello because jello is extra delicious thanks to its new locked-in flavor. We're a little late, so good night, folks. Remember this name, folks? Jello Butterscotch Pudding. It's the name of one of America's most popular desserts. The name of a grand pudding that's sure to become one of your special favorites. Jello Butterscotch Pudding is marvelously smooth and luscious with a swell homemade goodness. And it's full of golden Butterscotch flavor. So tomorrow, when you order jello, get jello puddings in all three flavors. Chocolate, vanilla, and Butterscotch. Jello puddings are just like grandmas, only more so. This program came to you from Hollywood. This is the National Broadcasting Company. K-F-I, Los Angeles.