 Family Theatre presents Robert Stack and Cecil Kellaway. From Hollywood, the mutual network in cooperation with Family Theatre presents the big ones starring Cecil Kellaway. And now, here is your host, Robert Stack. Family Theatre's only purpose is to bring to everyone's attention a practice that must become an important part of our lives if we are to win peace for ourselves, peace for our families and peace for the world. Family Theatre urges you to pray. Pray together as a family. And now to our transcribed drama, the big ones starring Cecil Kellaway as Daniel. Some of my well-meaning friends have been after me for a long time now to get up here on the radio and tell my story, the story of the big one. But I, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. You see, it's like this. It's what you might call a quaint little story about the Irish. And if there's one thing I dislike more than another, it's a quaint little story about the Irish. I'm full right up to here with them. And you know why? They're always full of terrible misrepresentations. People wearing green hats, little chelales and St. Schur and Bigara and the like. All the time. Well, there's a full symphony orchestra trying to get your sympathy by playing background music that sounds like quaint little Irish tunes being played on a concerteer, like this. Oh, no, no, no, no, stop it, that's enough. Do you see what I mean? You can understand why a man wouldn't want to contribute to such foolishness. But nonetheless the story needs telling if I'm going to get these well-meaning friends off the neck. So if you don't mind, I'd like you to listen. Don't worry, I'll stay clear of all the foolishness. I'll give you the facts, just the plain facts, through the magic of radio. Little magic music, please. Thank you. Through the magic of radio I'd like to take you back to my little farm just outside the beautiful city of Sunshine. Dungalvin. Jewel of the Emerald Isle and pride of County Waterford. I will remember the day it all started, the 21st of June, 1921. I remember the morning mist just risen from the meadow and I was finishing the milking and on my way out from the barn when I ran into machinists. My brother-in-law. Of course he wasn't my brother-in-law then. Good morning, Daniel O'Sheel. You're trespassing, machinist. I want to talk to you. That's too bad. I want to talk to you about your sister. What about my sister? Can I come in? Good morning, Patrick. Not yet, my love. My love? What's this? Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. You see, me, me, I sit down. On your head for all I care. What's this all about? Uh, O'Sheel... O'Sheel, I'm going to marry your sister. What? I know I'm not from County Waterford and there may be someone here as good, but she'll find no better man. What? You mean to tell me that she's going to marry a man from County Cork? I can't help it, Daniel. I love him. Impressive. And what's wrong with Cork? What's wrong with it? Well, in the first place, it's not Waterford. And in the second place, she comes from there. What's wrong with Cork? Why, you ignorant caco, none of you have enough sense to come in out of the rain. And you aren't worth the rope that he takes to hang the lot of your worthless bones. No, Dan. Here, here, now, Daniel O'Sheel. Here, here, now, Daniel O'Sheel. Did you hear that? It's not the way for a man to talk. Here, here, now, Daniel O'Sheel. How can it be that you are the man at all, at all, but a suit of clothes stuffed like one? Oh, stuffed suit, is it? Oh, rather I made a stuffed shirt. Oh, stuffed shirt! She is now Patrick and Daniel. Am I to understand you don't approve of my marrying your sister? I don't understand you thick-headed ape. I'll see you waiting in the finish till your hat floats first. Oh, you're fixin' to anger me, O'Sheel. I'm beginning to wonder if your skin was as thick as your head seems to be. Would you like to step outside, O'Sheel? If that I would, McInnes, that I would. No, now stop it. You've gone far enough. I'll not have any fightin' within the family. But he's not in the family. He will be whether you like it or not, Daniel. But this is between us men, my love. Not anymore, it isn't. But how are we going to settle this, and this? You'll go soak your head in the pump, Daniel O'Sheel. When you've got your temper down, then maybe we'll settle it. And talk about medowery. A dowery? A dowery. How can Patrick and I move to America and make our fortune without a dowery to pay for the trip? Ha! They want to go to America, so they'll need a dowery. Oh, boy, this is too much. Too much. It's the custom, Daniel. He'll pay half. That I will? Come outside, McInnes. It's a pleasure. Stay where you are, Patrick. And Daniel, you go outside till you've cooled off. Ha! Throwin' me out of my own house. I'm throwin' you out till you've cooled your temper. Go soak your head now. Oh, he's going to soak his head. I'll help him. He'll stay here. He's had to do it often enough without your help. Well, I tried. All right, we'll settle it later. I'm going to marry... I'm going to marry your sister, this ass. Just like that. What does she say? I love him, she says. He's some carc, but I love him. Then when I try to reason with him, go soak your head in the pump, she says. All right, well, I'll do it. I'll do it, but I'm going back in there and I'm going to lose every tooth in his head. That's what I'm going to do. Move the waters as cold as charity. This is when I looked up from the pump that I saw him. The big one. Four and a half feet tall he was. He was standing there at the end of the watering trough, watching me. After a second, he reached over and picked up the towel off the pump handle and handed it to me. Looks like pretty good water. I see it looks like pretty good water. I suppose it is. If you like water. Who are you? Little. That I can see. I mean my name's Little. Spud Little. You mind if I have a cup? Help yourself. Thank you. Where are you from, Mr. Little? I lived... I lived here all my life. Oh my, that's good. That's really good. All your life? What part have you done, Garvin? Right here on this farm. Joke. It's funny I haven't seen you before. I'll have just a little more, if you don't mind. It's funny I haven't seen you before. And not funny at all. Leprechaun, you know. Excellent water. Leprechaun? Did you see a Leprechaun? They don't exist. What did you take before? A great big stupid ox. Which is what you're acting like. We'll prove that you're a Leprechaun. Prove it? That's what I said. All right. But remember, it was your idea. I should never have said that. Because you see, a Leprechaun special talent is finding hidden springs running water under the ground. And the two of us spent the morning wandering over the farm. Him walking ahead of me all crooked over like a black thorn spit. Listening to the ground. Four times he stopped and pointed out a spot on the ground. And four times I dug down three or four feet and found just what he said I'd find. Hidden springs. Delicious. Now let's try over there on the grove. No. No, I believe you. You're a Leprechaun all right. You're a big one, but I believe you. I've turned all the earth I'm fed to. Look now, I've even bent the spin. Sheeran, I can go on for hours. Well, I can't. I've done all the work I can. I think we'd better be getting back. We've missed the new meal. As you say. Oh. Oh. Oh, is there something wrong? He's slaying me back. Oh, you're strange. We'll just put your arm over my shoulder. I'll help you. There, that's it. You know, if you've come to spank me, Spudnittle, I think you know how to set about it. Here to help, I am. Help? Of course, when a man's in trouble he can't get himself out of. That's when we show up. What kind of trouble do you think I'm in? I know. I was listening at the window. Oh, you know then. That's a terrible thing. She wants to marry that machinist mother does. From County Cork? That's a good thing. I'm here. You'd have to have things in a terrible mess. Have you got anything in mind? I have. Of course you'll have to tell them it's your idea. Just introduce me as an old friend or something. That I will. All right then. They want to go to America after they get married. So you tell them. Now let me get this plan of your straight. You're not only going to pay for the trip, but you're going with us. Is that right? That's right. And you're not against us getting married anymore. That's right. I'd like to earn a fortune too. All right now. What's the trick, Daniel? Trick? That's all trick. That's a bunch of malarkey. What is it? I ask only one thing in return. Ah-ha. I thought so. Would you hear me out before I start getting ahead of myself? What are you asking, Daniel? Well, as your plans now stand, you're going to be married and move to America. And then you make your fortune, right? Right. But all I ask is that if you can make your fortune before you get married. Daniel? You see, MacKinnis, I'm always thinking of the confidence safety of my sister. Well, that sounds right enough. What's the trick? Trick? Yes. What is it? Well... Out with it? Well, if you haven't made your fortune and a reasonable amount of time, we'll call the wedding off. I don't like it. No, no, wait a minute, my love. What would you call a reasonable amount of time, oh shield? He? Oh, uh, uh, two months. Make it four. Four? What do you think, Spudlittle? Make it six. We know, don't we? Then six it is. Ah, it's a deal, oh shield. Six months. That's fine. Fine. But I think you got the short straw. Oh, you do. I have it on very good authority that the streets, the streets in America are paved with gold. Gold? That was the first time I thought, Spudlittle, you double-crossed me. But I didn't think so for long because, you see, when we got to New York, we found that the streets were not paved with gold. In fact, they weren't even paved with brass. So west we went. We all got on the train to New York Station and after considerable travelling, we came to a little frontier town called Pittsburgh. I think that was the name of it. It was there that McKinnis decided that Fortune was waiting for him. We all applied for work at the Bastille Coloury. Well, what have we here? What have we here? We're the no men. That, I can see. But I wasn't expecting two and a half of you. And a half. I take that as a duty slam. See you again and I'll knock you down. You'll what? Calm down. If you're calm, no need. We're sure spare we've got to work. That's what you're here for, isn't it? A might more than that. I'm what you might call your foreman. And what might your country be? This one, America. A native. Oh, same thing. I've been here a year. If you mean, where did I come from? Tis Ireland. Oh-ho! Northern, I bet. County, Kerry, and I'm thinking you've got a lot too much lip. Pipsqueak. Pipsqueak. Let me out and put me down, mechanism. Go ahead. Set the little tight down. All right. Anything you say. Tight. Tight. No, no, no. That's easy. No, no. No. Let me out. Let me out. Take him off. I've got to go. Oh. Like a demon from here, disease. No. What? Spurred me aboard from County Waterford. And I'm from Cork. Oh, he sure don't fight like a natural man. Really? Can a man who's speaking, he isn't. Oh, no, no. Let me get this straight. The three of you are together. Through the edge, a mountain, a blubber. Waterford and Cork, eh? Ha-ha! I'm good to enjoy this. Come on, I'll show you foreigners where to work. Ha-ha! And so it turns out, ma'am, that this big ox has got no sense of humor. Oh, what a pity, the poor man. Yeah, he's got us working in the deepest, darkest, wettest hole in the whole dirty coal mine. Oh, yay. And the worst possible company, I might add. True, the three of us are working together. And it's all your fault, Mikinitz. If you hadn't set him down. My fault! You would begrudge a man the chance to defend his honor? You'd know leprechauns are supposed to have any honor. What's that, you'll say? I'd say they would have another glass of water. That's a good idea, I think I will. I think, spud-little, that Osheil is a kind of a man to begrudge others their doom. It would appear so. You're asking for trouble again, Mikinitz. No, that'll do. We've troubles enough, and there are other things to think about, Daniel. I want you to go do a little sharpen for me while I'm learning how to work that big coal-burning thingamajig in the kitchen. Sharpen? It's not a thingamajig, my love. They call it a stove. I'll help you with it. You just stay where you are and enjoy your pipe. As you say, my love. What do I want to know is, why can't Mikinitz do the sharpen? Like you said, Daniel Osheil, I'm not a member of the family yet. Well, everything went along smoothly for a couple of months, and we were all making good money. More than ever we'd made in your country. But the food prices being what they were, it was pretty close to impossible for Mikinitz to save any money. Why, a knot of cabbage no bigger than your head crossed the better part of a needle. And you couldn't get a pound of ham for less than a dime anywhere. So it looked for me like Mikinitz wouldn't be making as fortune in the time that was left. At least that's what I thought. Till the second time the leprechaun Spudgittle double-crossed me. I was just coming back from the elevators when... What's going on here? Nothing. That's what I mean. Why aren't you cutting coal? Because the vein's about to run out. Oh, about to run out? Tell me, little one, how would you be knowing what it's about to do? And where's the other fellow? Oh, what's his name? Osheil? Somebody want me? Your friend seemed to think this coal mine's almost out of coal so there's no use in cutting anymore. That's right, Daniel. The vein's about to run out. He said it again. Is one of you going to work that drill? No, one of us isn't. No, no, no. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I'll work. No, no, no. Don't do it then. The leprechaun Spudgittle thinks she'll hit water. Oh. Oh, well, on second thought, see, I don't think I feel like it just now. Oh, so one of you's a big leprechaun that can here run in water through stone. Ha! We'll hit water, will we? Give me that thing. No, don't, don't, don't. You flood the hole in there. Made that beautiful. I bet this turns it. Well, can you beat that? If you mean to outrun it, I'm all for trying. You just ran into the bottom of a pretty good-sized spring. And, of course, Wasson was for keeping the whole thing quiet. Oh, I should think he would. But I'm thinking it's a little hard to keep the floating at the whole level a secret. And all this is why Mr. Bastwick himself gave you all a reason to pay? It is. And I think it's no more than we deserve. It won't belong now, my love. I'd like to have a word with you, Spudlittle, outside. If you like, Daniel. Well, aren't you having any dessert? I'll be obliged if you'll hold mine for a few minutes, ma'am. Daniel? I don't want any. What you having for dessert? Blueberry pie. Oh, I'll be back. What is it, Daniel? I was feeling you and working against me, Spudlittle. Oh, working against you? Me? You told me you were an apricot. And you told him about the water. Well, if you weren't there, I had to. You saw what happened? I saw. But he's got a raise out of it, a big one. May I see dollars a week? Sit down for a minute, Daniel. I don't feel like sitting down. Stand if you will, then, but listen. You've got a raise, too, now, didn't you? I did. We all did. But now I stand a chance of losing the bet with him. What if you do? What if I do? You're both a long way from Cork and Waterford now. You've got no excuse to be against him. Oh, no. A bargain is a bargain, isn't it? You're agreed, yes. Then another thing is too cocky. Maybe if he wasn't so cock-sure about winning, he'd know by 100 I want you to promise me that you won't warn him about anything again. Are you sure that's what you want? I'm sure. It's a promise, then. But you'll pay for your bullishness if you're not careful. It was about four months later. I remember because McInnis' time was almost up, and he still hadn't made his fortune. As I said, about four months, and I was sure the leprechaun had double-crossed me. He kept his word, but it almost scared the daylights out of me. I remember we were working on a siding. McInnis was cutting cold, and I was lording into the car when I noticed a spud little looking up at the top of the tunnel. It was a good-sized crack for me. He was just about to shout when... Hey, look, Paul! Get back! It's a wonder we were not all dead. Well, maybe we are. Hmm? I don't feel dead. It may be only a matter of time. Take a look at that. Oh, it looks like it's sealed up all right. Wait! Look! Is that a hole? A hole? Where? Up there, near the top of the heap. Looks to me like it might be. It doesn't go all the way through. I don't know. Try shouting. It might as well. Hello! Hello out there! Spud, move in a little ways if you can, and see if you can hear anything. Did I hear something? You did? Hello! Who wants to know? Watson! Are you all right? Yes, we're all right. What did he say? I'll tell you if he says anything good. Why don't you come out the other way? Where? What are you doing? He's going mad. No, I'm not. I'm just stuffing my coat in the shaft. That's Watson out there. Scissor in a bad way. If he gets the last laugh, at least we won't have to hear it. In a bad way? As if we needed him to tell us. Oh, boys, we might as well sit down and wait for the sounds of the shovels or the beating of angels' wings. Hmm, it's strange. I don't see it. You don't see what? My whole life passing before my eyes. You're supposed to know. So I've heard. This is no way to go, I'm thinking. Poor, poor Martha O'Sheel. All alone in the world now. I should be with her. Oh, that's right. All the men she loves. Poor, poor little Martha. I did wrong, MacKinney. I shouldn't have tried to keep you apart. It's true you're from Cork, but I suppose you could have lived that down if you lived long enough. Oh, if he lives long. Oh, grim humor, O'Sheel. And I'm surprised at you. No, no, no. That isn't what I meant. What I meant is he was. I'm sorry that he made the bet. Just for cleaning up the record, why don't you call off that bet of yours before... or before the grim reaper starts his work? I'd be glad to do it. I'd add this, MacKinney. I'd be glad to have you for a brother-in-law. Even if you do come from Cork, you're a brave man, Patrick. I'd be proud to have you for a brother-in-law. For like it says on the old court of arms, the MacKinnises are brothers to the brave. Come on, let's go home. Huh? We were cutting from a siding. There's an elevator at the other end of the shaft. Then we aren't dying. Well, you've tricked me. And me! Sure, like I told you both, we leprechauns come to help people in trouble. Well, I've been working for poor, poor little Martha. Of course. That was a long time ago. In fact, I've been an uncle seven times since then. And everything's worked out for the best, in spite of MacKinnis being a corkman. And as for the big one, Spudlittle, I get cards from him now and then. In the last one he said that he was doing business in the Spearhead Springs Water Company. Owns it himself, he does. Somewhere in California, I think. In a city called Glendale. In County Los Angeles. He's doing fine. Oh, no, no, wait a minute. Oh, no, wait a minute, Mr. Ozymyman. Like I told you at the beginning, that's what I was trying to avoid. Now, let's have a little final music with hair on its chest. Make a few bars, John Philip Boussoussa say. That's the way to finish. This is Robert Stack again. Come Labor Day, come School Days. And for youth, from primary school to the university, and for parents as well, the school year is definitely in. We call all this actual going to school to learn, formal education. Formal education is a blessing so great that we must never underestimate its value. We reverence it and thank God for it. And thank God that we live in a country where it is so widespread and obtainable. I hope it won't sound preachy to put in a word for informal education and what that means. It comes by chance and fortune. It has gained outside of school in the marketplace, in the street, in groups and in the private sessions of thought, which each one of us sometimes has with himself. But the home is a university as well as a grammar school of informal education. The home and the family. And no home is too poor, no home too overdressed with wealth and fortune to have God as a teacher. The family, rich or poor, which gathers together to ask the guidance of God and his instruction in the basic and ultimate values of life is a unique school. We are all continuously the learners. And one important chapter of learning which we can master is that the family that prays together stays together. More things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of. From Hollywood Family Theater has brought to you transcribed the big one starring Cecil Kelleway. Robert Stack was your host. Others in our cast were Howard McNeer, Joyce McCluskey, Marvin Miller, and Tudor Owen. The script was written and directed for Family Theater by Robert Hugh O'Sullivan with music composed and conducted by Harry Zimmerman. This series of Family Theater broadcasts is made possible by the thousands of you who feel the need for this type of program by the mutual network which has responded to this need and by the hundreds of stars of stage screen and radio who give so unselfishly of their time and talent to appear on our Family Theater stage. To them and to you, our humble thanks. This is George Crowe expressing the wish of Family Theater that the blessing of God may be upon you and your home and inviting you to be with us next week when Family Theater will present the fable of the perfect princess starring Jean Lockhart, Kathleen Crowley, Rita Johnson, and Claude Acons. Join us, won't you? Family Theater is broadcast throughout the world and originates in the Hollywood studios of the world's largest network. This is Mutual, the radio network for all America.