 Lately, it feels like we're fighting more than we get along. No, don't get me wrong. I love my partner, but I don't know if I like them. At this point, I don't know if I should propose to my partner or break up with them all together. Oh, hi there, lovers and friends. In today's video, I want to introduce you to a psychological theory that can help to clarify a lot of the questions I said at the top and also a ton of questions that I see in my DMs all of the time. You want to know why it is that your intimate connections don't really feel quite complete. And this theory will hopefully bring a lot of clarity to you. So without further ado, it is called... This video is sponsored by Squarespace from websites and online stores to marketing tools and mailing list management. Squarespace is an all-in-one platform to build a powerful, beautiful online presence and run your business. If you're curious to see what it's about, you can actually try Squarespace for free. And when you're ready to launch your big idea, go to squarespace.com slash shan booty because that's how you're going to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Okay, without further ado, for real this time, we're going to talk about the triangle theory of love in this video. Now, you might have actually heard of this before us because it's a really popular psychological theory when it comes to intimacy. And for good reason, it's really easy to understand and it makes complex questions around intimacy easy to clarify. So you can figure out whether or not you're in a connection that is going somewhere, or if the two or more of you are better off going your separate ways. Now, the triangle theory of love states that in order to have a relationship that is solid, a romantic connection that has a shot of going for the long haul, you need three critical components. And those components are passion, companionship, and commitment. Sounds easy enough, right? And in today's video, I'm going to break down what these three various points look like and how individually they create unique relationship structures and how when combined together, they create other structures. Now, it's easy to think about this theory like a stool. So if you have a stool that has three legs, you got a solid piece of furniture that you can depend on. If you have a stool that has two legs, you have to be very cognizant of not moving too much in either direction or else you'll topple over. And if you have a stool with one leg, let's break down the three different parts right now. All right, so first we have passion. We all know what that is. Either you have it or you don't. It's that energy where you cannot get enough of somebody and the thought of them makes everything get excited. Then you've got commitment. Commitment is an essence. Yes, we have got our relationship structure that we're both agreeing to, perhaps that even comes in a title. But furthermore, I'm committed to your needs. I'm committed to what you need out of this relationship in return. I expect you to be committed to my needs as well. And then finally you've got companionship. And this is the friend element. I like being around you. I enjoy my time with you. We enjoy our time together. Now, individually, these three different pieces translate to these kinds of relationships. When I have companionship with somebody and nothing else, we have a homie relationship. We might go to the club together. Maybe we hang out once in a while. When you have commitment to somebody and nothing else, do you have an effective work relationship? I mean, sure. Maybe I don't like you. And maybe I don't lie awake and bed thinking about you. But I do care about what matters to you because I know when I meet your needs, you meet my needs. And when you've got passion and nothing else, you got to crush on somebody. Now, let's start to combine the various elements together and talk about how those create new relationship dynamics. We'll start off with passion because, I mean, it's exciting to talk about. When you have passion for somebody and you have got companionship with that person, you got a friends with benefits, a fuck buddy. The two of you might enjoy each other's company and you definitely have the thirst for one another, but there's no commitment. There is no ties to each other in terms of relationship title or ties to each other's needs beyond what you need in the bedroom. If you are in the style of relationship, my advice to you is to keep it compartmentalized to leisure. This is a hobby relationship because until you have some real commitment from the other person, and again, not necessarily the commitment in terms of a title, but commitment to your needs beyond what's fun and what's easy for the other person. This does not deserve a sincere investment from you. And that's okay because hobbies have a place, but just keep it in its place. If you have passion for someone and you have commitment, but you don't have companionship, this is where things start to get tricky. And a lot of people who have been in unhealthy relationships might relate to this dynamic. In essence, the two of you have a strong drive towards each other, and you are committed to seeing this thing through. But if you really ask yourself the hard question, do I like this person, the answer is probably no. Years ago, I met this woman, and this was when I was still in my long distance relationship. And I'm like, you and your husband just seem to really get along because he came on set and it's really vibe. She was like, yeah, that's my person. And I was like, yeah, I think that that's cool. You know, I'm in a relationship and we have that in moments. And then she looked at me and she was like, yeah, you know, I also had an ex that was like that and I loved them. I really loved this person with all my heart. But if I really thought about it, I didn't like them. It's like the reason I knew that my husband was my life partner is I remember three years into our relationship looking up and just being like, I like this motherfucker. Yeah. I really like you. If you're in this style of relationship, I'm going to give you the advice that you've probably already gotten from friends and family member who have watched the two of you spin your wheels in the dirt and just get deeper and deeper in the ick. Life is too short to love somebody who you just simply can't find the energy to like. Now, because you do have passion and you've got commitment, I understand this is easier said than done. And these two elements are the makings of an addictive cycle. So for the benefit of the doubt, please go to therapy because it is possible that the two of you actually do want the same things and the two of you could be aligned, but you're just on different frequencies. But more than likely, you're just not compatible and that's okay. It's okay. Lastly, you have companionship and you got commitment. But if you're completely honest, you ain't got to passion. You don't. You don't. I see this all the time in my DMs. People who are so frustrated because they found someone that they get along with, that they're family members like someone who supports their dreams. And furthermore, someone who's going to be there for them, thick and thin in the ways that they know that they need. And yet it's just not clicking. That's what's happening here. And I know that it can be really hard because a part of you might feel like, am I broken on the inside? I've found this person who is good to me and somebody who wants to be with me. And yet I can't return the feelings. Does that mean that I am destined to be with somebody who doesn't treat me well? And while that could possibly be a scenario, more than likely what's happening is that you met someone great and that's awesome. And the two of you get along and they have shown you the makings of what a long-term partner could be, but without that missing piece, it's just not your person. Might be your two or your three, but it's not your number one. And don't get me wrong. There are a lot of really great relationships that are fueled by companionship and commitment and nothing else. And if you don't believe me, talk to some grandparents or some great grandparents. Back in the day before love was a function of desire. It was a function of objectivity. What made the most sense and can we live with each other? And for a lot of people, the answer is yes. And that amounts to a pretty decent life. But you have to ask yourself, do I want a love life worth living for? Or am I in this thing for a love that I can live with? If you're in a style of relationship, my advice to you is to start dismantling the commitment element and really focus on the companionship. And what do true friends do? True companions don't keep people in situations that ultimately aren't best for them. And if you want to be a good friend to that person, even though you know what's going to hurt them, it's better to let them go. Because here's the thing. If somebody is on a three-legged stool and someone's on a two-legged stool, for sure, you definitely have a more stable structure. But the ultimate goal is for both of you to be on that three-legged stool. Honestly, I can do a full other video about what happens when one person has got the complete triangle for somebody and the other person just has a dot for them. But I feel like at this point, I've given you enough information and I want you to sit with this. Furthermore, I want you to talk about it. So in the comments section below, I want to hear from you. Reflect on your current romantic relationship. What do you have? A line, a dot, or a triangle? What does that person have for you? Now reflect on your last relationship, the one that didn't work out. And what was the configuration there? Let's discuss down below and I hope this video helped you. And if it did, can you do a little something for me? This video is sponsored by Squarespace and Squarespace is a tool that allows you to bring your next big idea to life. So if you have a business, if you've got a passion project, if you have a blog, if you have a store, if you've got a mailing list and you want to find a way to really connect with the people who support and love and are there for you, Squarespace can be an incredible tool to do that. And I want you to consider them. Thank you. That's all. If you're an OG to this channel, I know you've heard us talk about Squarespace plenty of times. 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