 Hi there lovers! I don't know what I want to cover on this video! I'm recording this video on September the 2nd. And this is a year to date since I cut off ties with my ex, who was a part of my life for a very long time. And the conclusion to our relationship was so dramatic. It was laughable. Like it was so like running around, hiding keys, typing to other women. It was such a clusterfuck, tacky, a culmination of every single reality show that I experienced on one year to this date. And I haven't seen that person since. And whoa! Am I in a different place? Mentally, physically, literally, all the above. So this video I guess is kind of a celebration of that? It's not the point of the, I don't want to talk about dude. I'm just saying that this is a year that a lot has changed for me. And we have to talk obviously about the partnership series that I did, the guide to series that took over Wednesday and then partly Sunday as well too. And a lot of you guys got really harassed, you know, with all the sponsored videos. I needed that. You already knew that. I don't have to say this to you. Without that opportunity, without that partnership that I hope leads on to greater things and I hope to have it more here on the channel. But for every person who was like, I get it. These aren't my favorite. I like them, but you know, I get what you're doing here. Thank you. You know, thank you for being the voice of reason during that time and seeing what it had to be. And I loved it. I friggin loved it. It was a once in a lifetime experience. I took it for everything that it was worth. I have a story actually. This is one of the situations when I really realized what I was made of and I think we'll all have those at some point in our lifetime. I was going to shoot in New York for this series and basically my flight situation got all kinds of fuzzed up mobile. I'm afraid to swear now cause like that YouTube policy thing. Anyways, I was like, I got there on time but my first plane, they had a dent in it so they like didn't, they de-plane us but didn't cancel the flight. And then like it was hard to get another flight. Then they were like, okay fine, go on this flight. Then they're like, no, no, no, wait, your original flight's leaving now so get on that flight. So I got back on my original flight. Then that flight got messed up too and so I ended up missing all these flights. I was in transit for like 24 hours trying to get to New York and essentially I came down to it where I wasn't going to get there for my call time which is 8 in the morning. I would not get there until like 2 p.m. the earliest which is six hours after I'm supposed to be there for a one day shoot. Kind of a problem. So I wrote my producer who was, surely knows I'm obsessed with her. She was an amazing person. I wrote my producer and I was like, do you guys want me to come still? I'm at the airport, I'll stay. But if you guys know it's not going to make any sense then I won't come. And she was like, Shannon, come. And I was like, okay. So I slept on the floor of the airport because I didn't want to obviously go home, fall asleep, not make it back in time. I want to make sure I cut on top of my bags or if another flight came up I was able to leave. And then I got to New York and even though I knew I was getting hair and makeup when I arrived on set I'm like, these people have been waiting now for six hours. This is a full crew here. I'm not going to show up not looking like I deserve this opportunity. So in that car I snapped in my hair extensions. I put on my makeup. Like I dressed, I changed my clothes. I did a little hoe bath all the above and I got there and everybody was like, whoa, I can't believe you walked off a plane. And that made me really appreciate as a woman of color you take nothing for granted. You really don't and I've seen a lot of people in big opportunities allow their attitude to override the possibilities or the potential. You can't do that as a person of color because I'm always aware that I'm replaceable. I'm always aware that I probably wasn't the first pick and as a matter of fact in this particular opportunity I am super aware I wasn't the first pick because the first time they sent me the script they had another YouTuber's name on it which means to say that person turned this deal down which is why I got it. That's okay with me. I'm excited about it regardless but I'm not and I talked about this with the Beyoncé thing with Lemonade how I didn't think Lemonade was about cheating I thought Lemonade was about the woman of colors experience of never being picked first no matter how hard you try or how hard you hustle or how much energy you put into it you'll never be the first choice that of your man or of a job sometimes of your own family sometimes of yourself we don't even choose ourselves first we're taught to live in a world where we always think we're a sober second thought that was the first time I kind of looked at that like it was a positive thing like I'm proud of myself for being that all the way to the finish line I went to the VMAs as you guys know what an incredible experience because I didn't go with an ego I mean I knew what it was I'm not a celebrity I'm not a star so I wasn't like star treatment everyone make way I'm just like I'm just here I got to see my baby Winnie Harlow be a star I got to see Beyoncé and it's just an amazing experience that I just got the absolute most out of but never ever take for granted the fact that you have to probably be if you're watching this channel according to my demographics more than likely you're going to have to be the person who still gives above and beyond even though you weren't first pick even though you're kind of jaded on the inside and you know what it is and you want to be bitter you cannot afford to do that so that experience has been amazing and it's been a summer of a lot of sex to walk a whole lot of sex talk and it's gotten me to opportunities I did some stuff for Esquire which should be coming out soon where I talked about how to take a dick pic and I talked about how to approach a woman at a club I also talked about what was kind of freaky oh sex toys around the house and so as much as I love talking about sex and I honestly guys like I shock myself sometimes with how much I know I'm like why do you even know in that but I'm ready to kind of take a little bit of a shift what I've really been focusing on of late is relationships trying to really find what my space is in the realm of sex love relationships you know Lacey Green for example who's another famous YouTuber her focus is really activism and I love that it's dope that's not really mine so I'm like I thought mine was female sexual empowerment but there's so many dope men who come on this channel or who I learn from or who I consider mentors and teachers in this space and so I don't really want to limit it in that way and I thought it was individual sexual empowerment but like through what you know how are we becoming empowered and then it hit me I'm like I want to be the person who demystifies this whole thing for you and in doing so I've been reading a lot of robotic books about love I read The Art of Seduction that was a recommendation from my partner and then I've also now reading guys this book I'm obsessed with it it's called the science behind happily ever after and my partner again he hears me listening to it because I'm listening to it through audio book and he's like can you listen to this robotic drone just dissect love in the most unfeeling just raw just disgusting bionic way and I'm like I love it it's all statistics probabilities what kind of personality traits would work why certain ones don't work how do you choose the right partners and I'm receiving this information thinking about all the people I counsel and all the people who email me and I'm like it's like I want you guys to know you know I consider my love life the least stressful part of who I am it is an amazing asset even when it's bad or I'm having going through issues because of the fact that I'm a fan of sex relationships I'm a fan of like the experience I'm like oh my there's a conflict like how will I resolve this and how is this person feeling let me break down certain things like I had a really interesting breakthrough my partner came with me to New York and on the last day we were both tired we went to the VMA so we've been partying we've been working in the morning I've been like really like you know trying to give my best which takes a lot of energy as well too let's check out I'm trying to get out the hotel and I start like panicking like not panicking panicking but I'm like he's not moving fast enough why isn't he doing this and I get this urge to start nagging I get this deep urge to start being like pick that up move your shoes get that bag stand up straight go get your deal doing on and then I'm like what is that and why do I feel that and why is my mom creeping in and I remember that I'd read in a book somewhere that a woman's job is to be the head of the household to be the point the leader of the little community that you create of your family and so in situations of duress like if a bear is coming to eat you she's the one who organizes the family together you know the male or the masculine might be the one to protect but the female is the one people look to for the direction of what to do next so when women nag what we're really trying to do is organize people into safety or organize things for the best case scenario it comes out in a shitty way I mean because you don't really need to do that we're not in a life or death scenario we're not going to get eaten by a bear but at the same time you have to know why you feel the need to do certain behaviors what's the point of this story does it not concern you guys I could just sit here turn on a camera and talk no one else is responding to me but I'm just going like a motor mouth the whole point of this conversation I have zero idea it is the fact I do have an idea that what I want to provide you guys with is the information and tools necessary to approach your love life with the same insight and foresight that you do with your career or with anything else that you're able to make smart decisions that are not based on biology I was having this conversation today with Tiffany I'll shout you out because it's a million Tiffany's but I was working with this girl named Tiffany and I was saying like your body does not give a fuck about your happiness your body does not care your mind your being your soul does not care about you achieving your goals or being your best self like what its primary goals are is procreation and survival which is why a lot of us make relationship choices not out of a place of security but a place of insecurity so I want us to be able to analyze that together and I want us to be a hotel all about to say those are the changes that I want to see in my channel in my personal life I do want to talk about this I honestly I said this on top of the video unless I am going to edit that part out that I'll say for the first time right now I've never been so happy in my whole life and I really haven't like I love my friends and I love my family I got a green card I'm living in my dream place which I'm so close to show you guys a tour to give you guys a tour once I get these two art pieces that are, ah, this is my first time really investing in art as an adult, like really investing and I worked with this painter who I've loved for a long time and he's creating these two really special custom pieces that what I have though is I'll show you guys my place but until then, it's just us in the green chair, baby. So yeah, I've just been happy and a large part of that happiness has been meeting somebody a while ago. I met this person almost two years ago now really, really briefly and there was just something about them. You know when you see something like, I just, there's something about you and I just want, I saw him at a club, I was introduced to him through a friend because we went to go see a friend and he, the guy who is my partner now was the one who threw the party and there was, so we just met him for a second and he walked away and I kept thinking I'm like, I want him to dance with me. I really want this guy to dance with me, he never did. But it just kept in the back of my mind and so of course I did the average stalker thing and added him to Instagram and then for a year, just kind of like checked in on him every once in a while. It wasn't like ever like a big thing and he wrote me while I was still really heavily involved in my ex or maybe like in a period of time where we were trying to mend things just to say like, I appreciate your work, I really respect what you're doing. I just wrote thank you and that deaded the conversation and sure enough after September the second last year I gave myself a month off and then after that month I'm like I want to listen to Beyonce wear sports bras and just hanging out with dudes like that's what I want to do right now. I don't want any kind of thing attached to it. I don't want any pressure. I just want to be around people who I think is attractive or interesting in an environment that I feel safe and celebrated in and that's what my spirit needs right now. I don't need ice cream, I just need a hot dude and Beyonce. And so he was one of the hot dudes that I called upon that I was like, hey, do you want to just come over and vibe with me? And he did and sure enough what I didn't expect to turn into anything substantial over time, without pressure, without intention has just naturally evolved into a really awesome reciprocal, soul-changing, positive relationship. He's just friendly and kind. It's so funny because I put up a picture of his hand on my Instagram, on my leg and somebody who's a fucking nut job, I'm just going to say it, researched and found out who it was, which is not like a big secret because I do drop information about him all the time because he's a part of my life. So I'm proud of the things that he's doing. So some fucking nut job researched and was like, I know who this person is, they're this and the third, you're always going for these thug type, these assholes are just going to run over you and break your heart. And I was like, you don't even know how far off you are. You don't even know how ridiculously far off from this person's character and how unlike they are, the usual choices I would make in a partner you are. And what I talked about in my previous video, the different loves I've had, which I'm excited to talk about a video soon I have coming out, that's going to talk about my sex life. So I did the truth about my love life, I'm going to do the truth about my sex life and have that as another like, I'm going to tell all, I don't really care. So what I talked about in that video was the soulmate versus life partner qualities. And so what's unique about my partner right now is I didn't have that same, ugh, towards him. It was just like, okay. Like it was, there was a draw and there was an intrigue, but I've been so conscious every step of the way. I could never tell you I fell in love with him. I grew, I walked in love with him. And I kind of battled that. I'm like, is that, you know, what does that mean if I didn't have that initial same strong desperation I've had for other past partners? And it honestly has been transformative in so many ways. Just to be around somebody who makes your life better and easier and happier and always finds a new way to adjust and bring new into your life. So that's what I wanted to say. I lost my point and tried to like, fuck around and pretend that I knew where I was, I didn't know where I was. Now I know what I was trying to say. What I'm trying to say is the difference between a soulmate and a life partner is that a soulmate has a singular purpose for you and you're super drawn to them and you have all this energy because they have this work to do with you. But once that purpose is over, most soulmates don't know how to reinvent themselves or it's just done for both of you guys. But a life partner constantly finds new ways to intrigue you, to interest you, to help you grow. And even though it's only been a very short spin of time with this person, I've watched them evolve and more constantly. Because you guys know me, I'm a robot. So I'm constantly looking for reasons or ways to end a relationship in a peaceful way. Like this might be done, like over the time that I've been single, there's been a lot of dudes, y'all have seen this channel, it's kind of sort of not really, maybe, well you know who I'm talking about, who have just been there for like play things or just like a moment or just to make out with and then I've grew past them because I just knew that, okay I kind of wanted that experience, I got that, I'm finished with that, I'm gonna move on. But what this dude, because I didn't intend, I didn't walk into a situation with him, like he's gonna be my man. I was doing the same exercise. I've always been looking for reasons or places to be like all the situation's done or is done. And the second that I would do that, he would evolve into something greater that I was like well hang on a second, what about that guy? And continuously does that and surprises and amazes me every single day. And I'm like that's definitely the qualities I can see you know a life partner having. So that's been good. It's been good guys. I got money, got a little honey, I've got you guys, we are learning new things, we're shipping another direction, I don't have anything to complain about. Yes, my life can be hard at times you know, I did not with the big campaign job that I was doing, there was this big melee situation with my money. So I thought I was gonna get paid two months ago. And I didn't. So when you think you're getting money, you start spending. So I had maxed out all my credit cards and there was a time that I was like it's really scrambling to like make ends meet. And then of course my whole immigration situation was a cluster F because my car was on my old visa. So I had to like renew that. That was stressful. I had to renew my health insurance, get a new driver's license. Like a lot of clerical annoying stuff along the way. But everything that I've done because of the fact that I don't exist in uncertainty and love or in my career has just been like, I just bring it on. Whatever minor inconvenience that has to be traded off for the mass amount of joy and purpose I have in my life right now, cool. I'm just good. I'm just so good. And doing these kind of exercises are important because you have to remind yourself of that. And what message do I want to bring to you guys? I want to let you know. I finished the video and then it stopped recording. Okay, whatever. What message do I want to bring to you guys? I want to let you know that you need to start being in process. And I say that to say, because a lot of us have an idea of who we want to be or what we want to accomplish. But because I feel so far from where we are right now, the beginning is too daunting for us. And the process is going to give you the rewards that you're seeking at the end way sooner than you expect. If you are for someone, for example, who wants to lose weight and you think to yourself, I want to lose 100 pounds. The process, even the thought of 100 pounds is overwhelming to you because then you think it'll be 100 pounds until I'm happy with how I look. Not true. Once you lose 10 pounds, people will start to respond to you differently. You'll start to feel different about yourself. You'll change clothes by different sizes. You will feel the effects of that 100 pounds, 10 or 15 pounds in those good feelings, those endomorphins that will come much sooner. So being in process is not an overwhelming daunting experience. It is a joy. It is going to give you the results you want mentally way longer before you physically see the actual result you thought you dreamed of the entire time. I'm a testament to that. I am a processed, slow, cooked human being. I was giving this example the other day to somebody who is very dear to me, who is in town right now, whom I'm having a very healing opportunity to really connect with once again. But we were sitting on top of this really amazing view and we were looking over the city of Los Angeles and he was like, man, can you believe how far you've come? Can you believe all that you accomplished? Are you massively proud of yourself? Are you overwhelmed? And I'm like, no, I'm not. Because getting to this view as an example, I've had to walk up it. You know, a person who you take from the bottom of a mountain and you put in a helicopter and then you drive them to the top of a mountain and drop them off and they see the view and then they're like, oh my God, this view is amazing. Because it was just like this big extreme from the ground to Mount Everest. Me though, I've had to walk up the mountain and so I've seen bits and pieces of this view every step of the way. I've had struggles that distracted me. I've had breakthroughs that allowed me to really appreciate different parts of the view. And so by the time I get to the top and see something massive and beautiful, I've already seen little bits of that so many times up the way that it's not this big life changing experience. It's more like, cool. You guys have watched me do so many small projects, so many little things. You've watched me fail. You've watched me figure it out. You've watched me do some stupid things and now you can be like, oh, I've seen how she's grown. Even if I haven't grown into the space that I dream of, you can see the progress really, really, really evidently. Almost like watching a baby learn to walk. And I want to encourage you guys to give yourself that same permission to be in process and for it to take a long time or a short time, but for you to find joy in just doing. I have this thing that I talk about with all of my clients, which is a self-centered check to check that your center of self is good, which you're always in progress. You want to identify three things in your life. The things that you love about yourself, like go off, gush about those toenails, gush about your pubic hairs, whatever you love about yourself, gush about it, the things that you hate about yourself. And be honest, you hate your cuticles. You hate your split ends. You hate your eyelashes. You hate your wonky ass eye that goes to the right sometimes. You hate your quivering lip, whatever it is that you hate about yourself right on the list. And then finally you write the things that you neither hate nor love, you just accept and you're at peace with. And the goal is to look at that list of things that you hate and shift it up into something that you love because you worked on it, for example, and we have a muffin top. And so you hated that, and you worked out, it's a six pack, now you love it. Or you have a muffin top and you hated that. But like Jonah Hill, for example, you got involved in acting and that became a part of your character and why people hired you and it amounted to millions of dollars and massive amounts of success and friggin' yacht rides with Leo de Caprio. Now you don't hate it anymore. Maybe you don't love it still but you accept that as a part of who you are and it makes you a better person. So you wanna isolate that list of things that you hate. And let me tell you something. I fuck with people who are insecure. I fuck with people who are sad or depressed or who hate things about themselves because those people are at least authentic. There are too many people out here who are so disillusioned and delusional who are going through life, never asking themselves how do I really feel? They're so in a cycle or in a system, like they're drones at this point, little robots going from work to the gym, to home, to their little microwave dinners, and back to sleep to watch their Netflix and they totally unplugged from how they really feel and what they really want out of life because that's too painful for them. That person I'm not interested in. Anybody who can sit up and say, I have a problem, I don't feel good or I have a weakness, you are at a place of empowerment because now you can do something about it. How lucky you are, you know, and how much I wanna get to know that person. So don't feel like your insecurities are a crippling place. It is actually a positive attribute to be able to identify what you don't like about yourself and that's the hardest person to judge is our own individual selves. So give yourself the space, be in process constantly, you will see the results faster than you think and use me as an example, you know, you guys have seen a lot, a lot of mistakes on this part and you know it's not over. I still have a lot to go and there'll be back tracks. My channel for example, boomed in views and now I was slid back a little bit and I gotta keep on the horse and continue to look for that boom once again and the process is gonna be fun because I will reinvent myself because I intend on being your life partner, not your soulmate. I don't want you guys to come to me for one thing or the answer to one question and feel like oh, we got what we want from her, we done. I want us to develop a long-term relationship where I always find new ways to educate you or inspire you and I kinda realized that with the dorm attainment video that I did and how many of those questions you guys got right, which made me super proud. I'm like my subscriber base is really smart but also made me feel like damn, you're regurgitating a lot of the same information to people and after a while that gets boring and so I gotta find a way to step up for you guys to be something new and exciting and to make our relationship fruitful on both ends. So let me know in the comment section below actually. If there's something that you need out of me, what I need from you guys is your attention and your time, that's it. Don't Patreon me, you don't have to go fund me, you don't have to show up if you don't wanna show up. I mean, do. That's what I wanted for you guys is your time and attention and that means a lot to me. But in order to get that, you have to feel like you're getting what you need as well too. So let me know what you need more of or what you need less of or how we can work together and keep in mind, of course, what I need to survive as a human and I'll keep in mind what you need to grow because that's what I'm supposed to be doing. I mean, that's the whole point of this thing so you might as well get something out of it. I hope this is still recording or else I'm about to smash this camera. I won't because I don't have the money to replace it but you know what I'm saying? It sounds cool. No turning back, you showed him your cards but you fear he's gonna respond like this. What, what is that, a condom? Oh my, that is just, you just knew you're gonna get some dicks tonight from somebody, huh? But you went out shopping for dicks? You are gross. What is it? You just carry that on you at all times. Do you have a disease? You trying to give me a disease? You think I have a disease and you were still gonna have sex with me? Mother, I'm warning me about women like you. It's a lot. No, I did, I did, I did.