 What's up, it's Kinsey and welcome back to my channel if you guys are new here. Hello I'm a 24 year old lifestyle vlogger and podcast host based in Dallas, Texas I share a lot of my life style product wrecks Favorites things that I'm doing things I'm going through how your 20s are confusing recipes bookrecks all that stuff So if you guys want I would love for you guys to stick around and subscribe today We're actually gonna be talking about break ups and getting over a break up getting over a heartbreak You know, I have had my fair share of break ups and I think at this point I have pretty good advice honestly on how to kind of navigate them get over them in the healthiest way possible I actually recorded an entire podcast episode with a breakup coach and I read her book called breakup bootcamp It is so good. It talks about the science behind a breakup So if you're a reader, I would recommend getting that book if not listen to the podcast episode I'll have it linked down below. It is really really helpful. It definitely helped me get through a break up Okay, so if you guys are watching this video I'm assuming and going through a heartbreak or a breakup and I just want to start off this video in the most loving way and say They are probably not as great as you think that they are and even if by some slim chance They really are this incredible person. They're not great for you and that is okay I think when we're going through break ups when we're in relationships We put this person on this pedestal like love Jade's things you see this person as this incredible person And we tend to overlook a lot of the red flags and a lot of their flaws and instead in our minds So this incredible person that you'll never get better and whatever and like that is just simply not the case And I don't mean that they suck and I don't mean to say like oh my god They suck you're so much better or whatever like I think you all deserve the world It's important to be rooted in you know reality Over you know the perspective you have on them when your emotions are heightened when you have romantic feelings towards someone Obviously your perspective is a little bit different and not only do we see them differently? But we tend to make a lot of excuses for that I'm not starting that off by saying like oh my god. They suck. We hate them definitely don't want to do that We're gonna talk about that too because I actually think that's a really unhealthy way that we will deal with break ups But I do just want to say like the world is not over You're not always gonna feel that way and I know this is probably Annoying to hear and like something that you can't even fathom right now if you're really in the thick of it But I am telling you like even with like a big break up of mine It's the thing I'm the most grateful for and I thought I was happy And I can't even believe that I had like brainwashed myself almost so much to think I was happy at that time Just by how happy I am now without that and I did not think that when I was going through the break up I didn't even realize a lot of these things until honestly a lot of therapy and then a lot of Just living life after of like oh my god I'm so much happier and like this was so unhealthy and this was just not for me and whatever and it doesn't Mean that like when you break up either person is bad It just means that you guys are not meant to be and that's fine We are also not going to aggressively hate our exes and talk a lot of like trash about them And you just don't want to be that person in a one specific break up I had every right to really just trash this person like treated me so poorly Whatever she's not really my vibe to like go trash my ex like random people that I'm not like close within things like that Obviously I talked to my family and very close friends and like my therapist But I am not gonna sit here I just like talk freely about my ex and say all these horrible things because ultimately even if you're right It makes you look bad and also it's just like not the way that you want to be spending your energy in a situation Where I could have like annihilated this person I just kept my mouth shut and ultimately that was really good thing because one it was better for my healing I talked to the people who I was close with and not even in a way like oh my god I hate them so much in a very like constructive way Like I definitely went through and dealt with my emotions which we'll talk about soon But I just kept my mouth shut the other person did it and that ended up making that person look really really really bad And in the end like I said nothing this person had a lot to say and ultimately that person did up looking really really bad I think I start with this because people feel like they have to Maybe like overcompensate or explain themselves to people and you don't need to explain yourself to anyone By explaining yourself to people you actually most of the time make yourself look bad the people that know you and love you And that you care about are not gonna think those things and it doesn't matter what these people are saying about you like the truth comes out People see through things don't waste your time going around and trying to like share your side because it will only ever makes You look bad also aggressively hating your ex is not a good look I have been so wrong in relationships And I have been so wronged in relationships and even in the times that I've been so wrong I just don't care to like hate my acts. I think that when you're in love with someone It's easier to then channel your energy into hating them But really where you want to get to is emotional health where like you feel nothing towards them So hating them to me at least for a long period of time is just prolonging the process of like healing and getting over it It is not the end of the world. You are going to get through this There are times where I'm going through breakouts where I am convinced There is no way that I will ever get over this and every single time I do in every single time I end up very grateful for the fact that we broke up and because I know that when I'm going through break up I just live like almost from that lens of remembering like there will come a day that I'm gonna be so glad I'm not with this person and I'm just looking forward to that day. I think like the two best ideas I always share it with friends when they're going through a breakup is what I started this video with is they're probably not as great As you think that they are and that's not to dog them and it's not to say like I'm right. They're always wrong It doesn't matter I think regardless you just put them on this pedestal where they're perfect and you forget all their flaws because you're emotional And you want things to work out. The second is that people will get caught in this whole like oh, maybe we'll get back together Maybe like this will happen and you know what sometimes people do get back together and sometimes that does happen Sometimes breakups are healthy for the time being but do not live your life as the exception, right? The people who get back together and things work out. They are the exception They're not the rule and that doesn't make them any more special as a person or any worse is a person Sometimes that is just their journey But regardless of if you end up getting back together or not You are not doing yourself any sort of favor or even your future relationship Whether it's with that person or another person a favor by not really moving forward if in the back of your head We're like, well, we're gonna get back together. You're not really doing all the like work on yourself that you should be doing in that process So even if I'm sure that people watching this and maybe you guys will get back together But that is the exception that is not the rule and it's really important to live in like reality Versus like this fairy tale world again It might happen in the nice way possible It probably won't and honestly you will most likely get to a point where you don't even want to get back together Which we will get to all my notes the first thing I have is unfollow or mute whatever it takes you need to distance yourself whether that's physically or Virtually, right? I would not stay in contact with your ex if you need to break up You need to break up and I don't think that texting your ex all the time and keeping up and like wanting to say friends And stuff is doing yourself a favor for me personally You can ask any of my friends like when I break up with a guy or we break up or whatever it is I don't stay in contact with them at all And it's not that I can't be cordial or see them out or like talk to them here every now and then like now I definitely have exes where when I see them I'll talk to them and like we're totally fine But during that initial period of the breakup you don't need to be BFF So you definitely need that clean cut and that's just what I found helps me if I don't have a clean cut You're basically still together or there's still some sort of emotional connection there and you're not really doing yourself a favor I personally don't think it's like petty or immature to unfollow someone. That's what's best for you We can also mute so I think muting and not seeing them online like every day is helpful Especially if you're having a good day and then you see a story and it just brings up old emotion that you don't really want to feel I think it's healthy number two except where you're at do not daydream Except like the reality of where you are and this again kind of goes back to the don't live your life is the exception Don't live your life as if you're going to get back together. You need to Regardless grow and live on your own and if you're living your life as if in this like weird standstill of like waiting for them to come back You're not growing in any way shape or form I think another thing is like get accountability from people around you So definitely lean on your friends lean on your family lean on whoever you have of like hey I know this person isn't good for me if I kind of like start to fall back or like maybe Think that maybe they would be good for me when there's something like hold me accountable Like I think you need friends around you who are like no, I Try to be the friend who kindly I think it depends on the relationship that I have with that person is honest Like withholding the truth from a friend I posted an Instagram story about this the other day But I think withholding the truth from a friend and being like well Maybe one day you get back together or whatever. I think ultimately actually just ends up hurting them I think you should be leading them towards like emotional health But yeah, I think just getting accountability and it's like how you put a lean on is very helpful number four Don't text them doesn't matter do not reach out don't reach out and say hey you love this like come over whenever No, don't text them don't reach out you need this clean break You text them and then all of a sudden you're talking again And then it doesn't work out again, and then you're set back so much You really just need to fully move on it again If you do get back together just take a long time Make sure you guys are both in a different space and that you've worked through the reason as to why you broke up But again, don't be focused when you're going through a breakup on the getting back together aspect because I think it just holds you back And that is the exception that is not the rule and while some of you watching this will be the exception and like that's an incredible thing I'm actually I'm really not knocking people who get back with their exes. I think sometimes that's a good thing I just think for the most part you don't end up getting back together And I think it holds you back everyone is going to tell you to use this time to focus on you Which I completely agree with it. There are people across the street from me on the third floor watching me But anyways, I completely agree with that you most likely especially if you're in your 20s or high school You have the least responsibility most likely then you'll ever have and you have the most freedom that you'll ever have Unless you're watching this in your older obviously, but I'm speaking more to like my demographic Use this time and hang out with your friends So you have the least amount of responsibility that you'll probably ever have and you have the most amount of freedom that you will Probably ever have and I'm speaking to the majority who watch my videos who are in their 20s You will never have this much time to focus on yourself and like try different things that you like You were going to grow so much read books go on walks go work out hang out with your friends Like I have such an incredible group of friends now that I would never have honestly invested as much time in like energy And to had I not been single and I think that was such a good thing I'm so content with my life now the people I'm around the things that I do my hobbies like my independence that I'm honestly like Nowhere near Looking for a relationship at this point Yeah, you have so much freedom and there will come a day where you're gonna be like I kind of missed that Lastly the beautiful thing about breakups is that you are going to grow so much It doesn't mean that you're going to be a different person and I mean you probably will be a different person You're still gonna be you but you will grow so much Towards the end of this that you probably won't even want to be with the person that you were like heartbroken about right? The weird thing about breakups is that you can date someone for Two years and then you can date someone for two months and the person that you dated for two months That breakup can affect you so much more than the person that you dated for two years There's a lot of reasons for that sometimes you just have a better connection and you just genuinely like the person That you dated for two months more than the two year I think when there's a lot longer of time you just see that it's not gonna work out You're typically kind of falling out of love with them or getting over it or just getting tired of their games or whatever it is And then if you date someone for a shorter period of time You don't feel like you really were able to kind of see the relationship through so again You make these ideas of all of what it could have been and whatever and then you're getting over something That never even happened. Don't be hard on yourself. It doesn't matter how long you dated the person It's still a break up It's still some sort of heartbreak, but it's definitely something that you need to feel and I feel like this shouldn't be my first step But I don't know why I just forgot you see guys doing this all the time Which is why you always feel like oh they always come back and like yeah guys Oftentimes do come back like pretty much every guy I think I've gone through a breakup has come back But I don't necessarily think that's because I'm like the girl for them I think that girls not to generalize but just get some generalizing girls tend to be upset Immediately and really go through their emotions and then guys tend to like kind of push off their emotions And then a few months later be like oh wait like I'm kind of sad and then their emotions hit them And at that point typically the girls over it and then the guy all the sudden is just now dealing with his emotions And that's why they tend to come back so be careful about that But it is incredibly important to actually feel your feelings if you just Ignore them and don't kind of like you know grieve the relationship You're just going to have those like push down and eventually they're gonna come out So if you want to be healthy and truly get over something have your time to be sad Have your time to call your friends to cry to lay in bed whatever it is But put like a time limit on that and then you have to kind of get up and say you know what? I'm gonna start doing things that are good for me. I'm gonna start taking care of myself I'm gonna put my energy somewhere else and then over time you will get over it I don't think that time heals all I actually think that healing emotions is what heals things I think sometimes you know just giving something time and not actively trying to work through something can actually make it You're not healing from that. You're just like getting further away from the situation So I would just really recommend leaning into your emotion talking to your friends talking to your parents Give a therapist talking to your therapist in really getting your emotion out and then Spending a lot of time doing things that you love doing maybe start investing in new friendship You know spending more time with your family spending more time doing different hobbies that you like things like that And you can like build more of who you want to be when you have like the most freedom ever But I am sorry breakups are quite literally like the Worst thing ever but being on the other side it has been the best thing And I'm so grateful when I you know you literally you're gonna like marry this person And I am so grateful every single night. Nothing is a dig to the people that I've dated at all We're just not right for each other Like I'm equally as happy for them that we're not together as I am for myself Just because we weren't right for each other and that is okay and that is life and unfortunately is literally the worst thing ever But I really hope you guys enjoyed this video I just wrote down like things that helped me things that I was thinking of again listen to the break up boot camp Podcast I'll link it below and honestly I would get the book cannot recommend it enough It's very very helpful again remember they're probably not as great as you think they are and it really will get better I know right now. You're probably crying saying this girl's not know what she's talking about But I've been there I get it it sucks But you will probably grow so much that you don't even want to be with that person to begin with like one of the People that I went through a breakup with I when we are so serious like it I didn't realize now how much I allowed That relationship to kind of hold me back and to kind of you just don't realize things I guess you go older like oh that was definitely not what I wanted and well that person's great Just because you went through a break up with someone doesn't mean that they suck And then you have to hate them or anything like that It just means you're not right for each other and I think yeah I don't know if you guys need like people to lean on you guys can join at the Geneva app and join my home They can deal with tell me like an advice room and people are always like going in there for like boy advice and break up advice Like leaning on each other if you guys need friends to lean on in this time I will have that like below that you don't like want to maybe I like have in person if you want like more of a virtual thing It'll be down below. Yeah, I hope you guys enjoyed this video. I'm really really really sorry It will get better. I know that's cheesy and annoying to hear, but I hope this helps you guys I love you all so much comment below three things that you love about yourself, and I'll see you guys soon And what's funny about the guy with navy sheets is that you know that the guy with navy sheets only has them because his mom bought them for him Yeah, because they know as a mother that their son is not gonna wash their sheets that often and you can't see dirt on navy sheets