 CHAPTER XVII The King of Barodia drops the whisker habit. King Merrywig sat in his tent, his head held well back, his eyes gazing upwards. His rubric and cheeks were for the moment a snowy white. A hind of the name of Carlo had him firmly by the nose. Yet King Merrywig neither struggled nor protested. He was, in fact, being shaved. The court barber was in his usual conversational mood. He released his Majesty's nose for a moment, and as he turned to sharpen his razor, remarked, "'Terrible, Moor, this!' "'Terrible,' agreed the King.' "'Don't seem no into it, like.' "'Well, well,' said Merrywig, "'we shall see.' The barber got to work again. "'Do you know what I should do to the King of Barodia if I had him here?' Merrywig did not dare to speak, but he indicated with his right eye that he was interested in the conversation. "'I'd shave his whiskers off,' said Carlo, firmly. The King gave a sudden jerk, and for the moment there were signs of a battle upon the snow. Then the King leaned back again, and in another minute or so the operation was over. "'It will soon be all right,' said Carlo, mopping at his Majesty's chin. "'Your Majesty shouldn't have moved.' "'It was my own fault, Carlo. You gave me a sudden idea, that's all.' "'You're welcome, Your Majesty.' As soon as he was alone the King took out his tablets. On these he was accustomed to record any great thoughts which occurred to him during the day. He now wrote in them these noble words. "'Jewels of Wisdom may fall from the meanest of Heinz.' He struck a gong to summon the Chancellor into his presence. "'I have a great idea,' he told the Chancellor. The Chancellor hid his surprise and expressed his pleasure. "'Tonight I propose to pay a secret visit to His Majesty the King of Barotia. Which of the many tents yonder have my spies located as the royal one?' "'The big one in the centre, above which the royal arms fly.' "'I thought as much. Indeed I have often seen His Majesty entering it. But one prefers to do these things according to custom. Acting on the information given me by my trusty spies, I propose to enter the King of Barotia's tent at the dead of night and—' The Chancellor shuddered in anticipation. "'And shave his whiskers off!' The Chancellor trembled with delight. "'Your Majesty,' he said in a quavering voice. "'Forty years, man and boy, have I served Your Majesty, and Your Majesty's late-climated father. And never have I heard such a beautiful plan!' Marywig struggled with himself for a moment, but his natural honesty was too much for him. "'It was put into my head by a remark of my court-barbers,' he said casually. "'But of course the actual working out of it has been mine.' "'Jewels of wisdom,' said the Chancellor sententiously, "'may fall from the meanest of hinds.' "'I suppose,' said Marywig, taking up his tablets and absently scratching out the words written thereon, "'there is nothing in the rules against it?' "'By no means, Your Majesty. "'Indianuels of Uralia. There are many instances of humor similar to that which Your Majesty suggests. "'Humor, if I may say so, which, while evidencing to the ignorant "'only the lighter side of war has its roots in the most "'fundamental, strategical considerations.'" Marywig regarded him with admiration. This was indeed a Chancellor. "'The very words,' he answered, "'which I said to myself when the idea came to me. "'The fact,' I said, that this will help us to win the war must "'not disguise from us the fact that the King of Barodia will look "'extremely funny without his whiskers. "'Tonight I shall sally forth and put my plan into practice.'" At midnight then he started out. The Chancellor awaited his return with some anxiety. This might well turn out to be the decisive stroke, or strokes, of the war. After centuries passed the ruling monarchs of Barodia had been famous for their ginger whiskers. As lost as the King of Barodia without his whiskers was indeed a proverb of those times. A king without a pair, and at such a crisis in his country's fortunes it was inconceivable. At the least he would have to live in retirement until they grew again, and without the leadership of their king the Barodian army would become a rabble. The Chancellor was not distressed at the thought. He was looking forward to his return to Euralia, or he kept a comfortable house. It was not that his life in the field was uninteresting. He had as much work to do as any man. It was part of his business, for instance, to test the pretensions of any new wizard or spellmonger who was brought into the camp. Such and such a quack would seek an interview on the pretext that for five hundred crowns he could turn the King of Barodia into a small black pig. He would be brought before the Chancellor. You say that you can turn a man into a small black pig? The Chancellor would ask. Yes, your lordship. It came to me from my grandmother. Then turn me. The Chancellor would say simply, the so-called wizard would try. As soon as the incantation was over, the Chancellor surveyed himself in the mirror. Then he nodded to a couple of soldiers, and the imposter was tied backwards onto a mule and driven with jeers out of the camp. There were many such imposters who at least made a mule out of it, and the Chancellor's life did not lack excitement. But he cared now for the simple comforts of his home. He liked pottering about his garden when his work at the palace was finished. He liked, over the last meal of the day, to tell his wife all the important things he had been doing since he had seen her, and to impress her with the fact that he was the holder of many state secrets which she must not attempt to drag from him. A woman of less tact would have considered the subject closed at this point, but she knew that he was only longing to be persuaded. However, as she always found the secrets too dull to tell anyone else, no great harm was done. Just help me off with his cloak!" said a voice in front of him. The Chancellor felt about until his hands encountered a solid body. He undid the cloak, and the King stood revealed before him. Thanks. Well, I've done it. It went to my heart to do it at the last moment, so beautiful they were, but I nerve myself to it. Poor soul! He slept like a lamb through it all. I wonder what he'll say when he wakes up. Did you bring them back with you? asked the Chancellor excitedly. My dear Chancellor, what a question! He produced them from his pocket. In the morning we'll run them up on the flagstaff for all Barodia to see. No! He won't like that! said the Chancellor, chuckling. I don't quite see what he can do about it, said Mary-Wig. The King of Barodia didn't quite see either. A fit of sneezing woke him up in the morning, and at the same moment he felt a curious draft about his cheeks. He put his hand up and immediately knew the worst. Hello there! he bellowed to the sentry outside the door. Your Majesty! said the sentry, coming in with alacrity. The King bobbed down again at once. Send the Chancellor to me! said an angry voice from under the bed-clothes. When the Chancellor came in, it was to see the back only of his august monarch. Chancellor! said the King. Prepare yourself for a shock. Yes, sir! said the Chancellor, trembling exceedingly. You are about to see something which no man in the history of Barodia has ever seen before. The Chancellor, not having the least idea what to expect, waited nervously. The next moment the tent seemed to swim before his eyes, and he knew no more. When he came to, the King was pouring a jug of water down his neck and murmuring rough words of comfort in his ear. Oh, Your Majesty! said the poor Chancellor. Your Majesty! I don't know what to say! Your Majesty! he mopped at himself as he spoke, and the water trickled from him on to the floor. Pull yourself together! said the King sternly. We shall want all your wisdom, which is notoriously not much, to help us in this crisis. Your Majesty! who has dared to do this grievous thing? You fool! How should I know? Do you think they did it while I was awake? The Chancellor stiffened a little. He was accustomed to being called a fool, but that was by a man with a terrifying pair of ginger whiskers. From the rather fat and uninspiring face in front of him, he was implying to resent it. What does Your Majesty propose to do? He asked shortly. I propose to do the following. Upon you rests the chief burden. The Chancellor did not look surprised. It will be your part to break the news as gently as possible to my people. You will begin by saying that I am busy with a great enchanter who is called to see me, and that therefore I am unable to show myself to my people this morning. Later on in the day you will announce that the enchanter has shown me how to defeat the wicked Euralians. You will dwell upon the fact that this victory, as assured by him, involves an overwhelming sacrifice on my part, but that for the good of my people I am willing to endure it. Then you will solemnly announce that the sacrifice I am making, have indeed already made, is nothing less than... What are all those fools cheering for out there? A mighty roar of laughter rose to the sky. Here! What's it all about? Just go and look! The Chancellor went to the door of the tent, and saw. He came back to the king, striving to speak casually. Just a humorous emblem that the Euralians have raised over their camp. He said, It wouldn't amuse your majesty. I am hardly in a mood for joking, said the king. Let us return to business. As I was saying, you will announce to the people that the enormous sacrifice which their king is prepared to make for them consists of... There they go again! I must really see what it is. Just pull the door back so that I may see without being seen. It really wouldn't amuse your majesty. Are you implying that I have no sense of humor, said the king sternly? Oh, no, Sire, but there are certain jokes, jokes in the poorest taste that would naturally not appeal to so delicate a pallet as your majesty's. This strikes me as one of them. Of that I am the best judge, said the king coldly. Open the door at once. The translator opened the door, and there, before the king's eyes, flaunting themselves in the breeze beneath the royal standard of Euralia, waved his own beloved whiskers. The king of Barotti was not a lovable man, and his daughters were decidedly plain. But there are moments when one cannot help admiring him. This was one of them. You may shut the door, he said to the chancellor. The instructions which I gave to you just now... He went on in the same cold voice. Are cancelled. Let me think for a moment. He began to walk up and down his apartments. You may think too, he added kindly. If you have anything not entirely senseless to suggest, you may suggest it. He continued his pacing. Finally he came to a dead stop. He was standing in front of a huge mirror. For the first time since he was seventeen, he had seen his face without whiskers. His eyes still fixed on his reflection, he beckoned the chancellor to approach. Come here, he said, clutching him by the arm. You see that? He pointed to the reflection. That is what I look like. The mirror hasn't made a mistake of any kind. That is really and truly what I look like. Yes, Sire. For a little while the king continued to gaze fascinated at his reflection, and then he turned to the chancellor. You coward, he said. You weak-need, jelly-sold, paper-livered imitation of a man. You cringe to a king who looks like that. Why, you ought to kick me. The chancellor remembered that he had one kick owing to him. He drew back his foot, and then a thought occurred to him. You might kick me back. He pointed out. I certainly should, said the king. The chancellor hesitated a moment. I think, he said, that these private quarrels in the face of the common enemy are to be deplored. The king looked at him, gave a short laugh, and went on walking up and down. That face again. He sighed as he came opposite the mirror. No, it's no good. I can never be king like this. I shall abdicate. But, Your Majesty, this is a very terrible decision. Could not Your Majesty live in retirement until Your Majesty has grown Your Majesty's whiskers again? Surely, this is— The king came to a stand opposite him and looked down on him gravely. Chancellor, he said, those whiskers which you have just seen fluttering in the breeze have been, for more than forty years, my curse. For more than forty years I have had to live up to those whiskers, behaving not as my temperament, which is a kindly, indeed a genial one, bade me to behave, but as those whiskers insisted I should behave, arrogant, hasty tempered, overbearing. These are the qualities which have been demanded of the owner of those whiskers. I played a part which was difficult at first. Of late it has, alas, been more easy. Yet it has never been my true nature that you have seen. He paused and looked silently at himself in the glass. But, Your Majesty, said the Chancellor eagerly, why choose this moment to abdicate, think how your country will welcome this new king whom you have just revealed to me. And yet— He added regretfully— It would not be quite the same. The king turned round to him. There spoke a true Barodian, he said. It would not be the same. Barodians have come to expect certain qualities from their rulers, and they would be lost without them. A new king might accustom them to other ways, but they are used to me, and they would not like me different. No, Chancellor, I shall abdicate. Do not wear so sad a face for me. I am looking forward to my new life with the greatest of joy. The Chancellor was not looking sad for him. He was looking sad for himself, thinking that perhaps a new king might like changes in chancellors equally with changes in manners or whiskers. But what will you do? He asked. I shall be a simple subject of the new king, earning my living by my own toil. The Chancellor braised his eyebrows at this. I suppose you think, said the king, hotly, that I have not the intelligence to earn my own living. The Chancellor, with a cough, remarked that the very distinguished qualities which made an excellent king did not always imply the corresponding and so on. That shows how little you know about it. Just to give one example, I happen to know that I have in me the makings of an excellent swine-herd. A swine-herd? The man who, er, herds the swine. It may surprise you to hear that, posing as a swine-herd, I have conversed with another of the profession upon his own subject without his suspecting the truth. It is just such a busy outdoor life as I should enjoy. One herds, and one milks, and one milks, and er, herds, and so it goes on day after day. A happy smile, the first the Chancellor had ever seen there, spread itself over his features. He clapped the Chancellor playfully on the back and added, I shall simply love it. The Chancellor was amazed what a story for his dinner parties when the war was over. How will you announce it? He asked, and his tone struck a happy mean between the tones in which you address a monarch and a pig-minder, respectively. That will be your duty. Now that I have shaken off the curse of those whiskers, I am no longer a proud man, but even a swine-herd would not care for it to get about that he had been forcibly shaved while sleeping, that this should be the last incident recorded of me in Barodian history is unbearable. You will announce, therefore, that I have been slain in fair combat, though at the dead of night, by the King of Eurelia, and that my whiskers fly over his royal tent as a symbol of his victory. He winked at the Chancellor and added, It might as well get about that someone had stolen my magic sword that evening. The Chancellor was speechless with admiration and approval of the plan. Like his brother of Eurelia, he too was longing to get home again. The war had arisen over a personal insult to the King. If the King was no longer King, why should the war go on? I think, said the future swine-herd, that I shall send a note over to the King of Eurelia, telling him my decision. Tonight, when it is dark, I shall steal away and begin my new life. There seems to be no reason why the people should not go back to their homes to-morrow. By the way, that guard outside there knows that I wasn't killed last night. That's rather awkward. I think, said the Chancellor, who was already picturing his return home, and was not going to be done out of it by a common sentry. I think I could persuade him that you were killed last night. Oh, well, then, that's all right. He drew a ring from his finger. Perhaps this will help him to be persuaded. Now, leave me while I write to the King of Eurelia. It was a letter which Mary-Wig was decidedly glad to get. It announced bluntly that the war was over, and added that the King of Eurelia proposed to abdicate. His son would rule in his stead, but he was a harmless fool, and the King of Eurelia need not bother about him. The King would be much obliged if he would let it get about that the whiskers had been won in a fair fight. This would really be more to the credit of both of them. Personally, he was glad to be rid of the things, but one has one's dignity. He is now retiring into private life, and if it were rumored abroad that he had been killed by the King of Eurelia, matters would be much more easy to arrange. Mary-Wig slept late after his long night abroad, and he found this note waiting for him when he awoke. He summoned the Chancellor at once. What have you done about those, um, trophies? He asked. They are fluttering from your flagstaff at this moment, Sire. Ah! And what do my people say? They are roaring with laughter, Sire, at the whimsical nature of the jest. Yes, but what do they say? Some say that your majesty, with great cunning, ventured privily in the night and cut them off while he slept. Notice that with great bravery you defeated him in mortal combat and carried them away as the spoils of the victor. Oh! And what did you say? The Chancellor looked reproachful. Naturally, your majesty. I have not spoken with them. Ah! Well, I have been thinking it over in the night, and I remember now that I did kill him. You understand? Your majesty's skill in sword play will be much appreciated by the people. Quite so, said the King hastily. Well, that's all. I'm getting up now, and we're all going home to-morrow. The Chancellor went out, rubbing his hands with delight. End of Chapter 17 Chapter 18 of Once on a Time This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Once on a time by A. A. Milne, Chapter 18 The Veteran of the Forest entertains two very young people. Do you remember the day when the Princess Hyacinth and Wiggs sat upon the castle walls and talked of Udo's coming? The Princess thought he would be dark, and Wiggs thought he would be fair, and he was to have the purple room, or was it the blue? And anyhow he was to put the Countess in her place and bring happiness to Eurelia. That seemed a long time ago to Hyacinth now, as once more she sat on the castle walls with Wiggs. She was very lovely. She longed to get rid of that outside help in our affairs, which she had summoned so recklessly. They were two against one now. Belvane actively against her was bad enough, but Belvane in the background with Udo as her mouthpiece, Udo specially asked in to give the benefit of his counsel, this was ten times worse. What do you do, Wiggs? she asked. When you are very lonely and nobody loves you. Dance? said Wiggs promptly. But what if you don't want to dance? Wiggs tried to remember those dark ages, about a week ago, when she couldn't dance. I used to go into the forest. She said. And sit under my own tree, and by and by everybody loved you. I wonder if they'd love me. Of course they would. Shall I show you my special tree? Yes, but don't come with me. Tell me where it is. I want to be unhappy alone. So Wiggs told her how you followed her special path, which went in at the corner of the forest, until by and by the trees thinned on either side and it widened into a glade, and you went downhill and crossed the brook at the bottom, and went up the other side until it was all trees again, and the first and the biggest and the oldest and the loveliest was hers. And you turned round and sat with your back against it, and looked across to where you'd come from, and then you knew that everything was all right. I shall find it, said Hyacinth as she got up. Thank you, dear. She found it, she sat there, and her heart was very bitter at first against Udo and against Belvane, and even against her father for going away and leaving her, but by and by the peace of the place wrapped itself around her, and she felt that she would find a way out of her difficulties somehow. Only she wished that her father would come back because he loved her, and she felt it would be nice to be loved again. It is beautiful, isn't it? said a voice from behind her. She turned suddenly as a tall young man stepped out from among the trees. Oh! Who were you, please? She asked, amazed at his sudden appearance. His dress told her nothing, but his face told her things she was glad to know. My name, he said, is Curanel. It is a pretty name. Yes, but don't be led away by it. It belongs to nobody very particular. Do you mind if I sit down? I generally sit down here about this time. Oh! Do you live in the forest? I have lived here for the last week. He gave her a friendly smile and added, You're late, aren't you? Late? Yes. I've been expecting you for the last seven days. How did you know there was any me at all? Smiled hyacinth. With a movement of his hand, Curanel indicated the scene in front of him. There had to be somebody for whom all this was made. It wanted somebody to say thank you to it now and then. Haven't you been doing that all this week? Me? I wouldn't presume. No, it's your glade, and you've neglected it shamefully. There's a little girl who comes here, said hyacinth. I wonder if you have seen her? Curanel turned away. There were secret places in his heart into which hyacinth could not come, yet. She danced. He said, shortly. There was silence between them for a little, but a comfortable silence, as if they were already old friends. You know, said hyacinth, looking down at him as he lay at her feet. You ought not to be here at all, really. I wish I could think that, said Curanel. I had a horrible feeling that duty called me here. I love those places where one really oughtn't to be at all. Don't you? I love being here, said hyacinth. This was quite right. Seeing him look up at her, she added, Wigs is the little girl who dances, you know. She would be right, said Curanel, looking away from her. Hyacinth felt strangely rested. It seemed that never again would anything trouble her. Never again would she have only her own strength to depend on. Who was he? But it did not matter. He might go away, and she might never see him again, but she was no longer afraid of the world. I thought, she said, that all the men of Euralia were away fighting. So did I, said Curanel. What are you then? A prince from a distant country, an enchanter, a spy sent from Barodia, a travelling musician. You see, I give you much to choose from. You leave me nothing to be but what I am, Curanel. And I am hyacinth. He knew, of course, but he made no sign. Hyacinth, he said, and he held out. He held out his hand. Curanel. She answered as she took it. The brook chuckled to itself as it hurried past below them. Hyacinth got up with a little sigh of contentment. Well, I must be going, she said. Must you really be going, asked Curanel? I wasn't saying good-bye, you know. I really must. It's a surprising thing about the view from here, said Curanel, that it looks just as nice tomorrow, tomorrow about the same time. It's a very extraordinary thing. Smiled hyacinth. Yes, but it's one of those things that you don't want to take another person's word for. You think I ought to see for myself? Well, perhaps I will. Give me a whistle if I happen to be passing, said Curanel casually. And tell me what you think. Good-bye, hyacinth. Good-bye, Curanel. She nodded her head confidently at him, and then turned round and went off dangerly down the hill. Curanel stared after her. What is Udo doing? He murmured to himself. But perhaps she doesn't like animals. A whole day to wait. How endless. If he had known that Udo, now on two legs again, was at that moment in Belvane's garden trying to tell her for the fifth time that week about his early life in Araby, he would have been still more surprised. We left Curanel, if you remember, in Araby. For three or four days he remained there, wondering how Udo was getting on, and feeling more and more that he ought to do something about it. On the fourth day he got on to his horse and rode off again. He simply must see what was happening. If Udo wanted to help, then he would be there to give it. If Udo was all right again, then he would go comfortably back to Araby. To tell the truth, Curanel was a little jealous of his friend. A certain Prince Perivale, who had stayed at his uncle's court, had once been a suitor for Hyacinth's hand. But losing a competition with the famous seven-headed bull of Eurelia, which Marywig had arranged for him, had made no further headway with his suit. This prince had had a portrait of Hyacinth specially done for him by his own court painter, a portrait which Curanel had seen. It was for this reason that he had at first objected to accompanying Udo to Eurelia, and it was for this reason that he persuaded himself very readily that the claims of friendship called him there now. For the last week he had been waiting in the forests. Now that he was there, he was not quite sure how to carry out his mission. So far there had been no sign of Udo, either on four legs or on two. It seemed probable that unless Curanel went to the palace and asked for him, there would be no sign. And if he went to the palace, and Udo was all right and the prince's Hyacinth was in love with him, then the worst would have happened. He would have to stay there and help admire Udo, an unsatisfying prospect to a man in love, for he told himself by this time that he was in love with Hyacinth, although he had never seen her. So he had waited in the forest, hoping for something to turn up, and first Wigs had come, and now at last Hyacinth. He was very glad that he had waited. She was there on the morrow. I knew you'd come, said Curanel. It looks just as beautiful, doesn't it? I think it's even more beautiful, said Hyacinth. You mean those little white clouds? That was my idea of putting those in. I thought you'd like them. I wondered what you did all day. Does it keep you very busy? Oh, said Curanel. I have time for singing. Why do you sing? Because I am young, and the forest is beautiful. I have been singing this morning, too. Why? Asked Curanel eagerly. Because the war with Barodia is over. Oh, said Curanel, rather taken aback. That doesn't interest you. Yet, if you were a Euralian. But it interests me extremely. Let us admire the scene for a moment while I think. Look, there is another of my little clouds. Curanel wondered what would happen now. If the king were coming back, then Uda would be wanted no longer save as a suitor for Hyacinth's hand. If, then, he returned, he would show that. But suppose he was still an animal. It was doubtful he would go back to Araby as an animal. And then there was another possibility. Perhaps he had never come to Euralia at all. And here were a lot of questions to be answered. And here next to him was one who could answer them. But he must go carefully. Ninety-seven, ninety-eight, ninety-nine, a hundred. He said aloud, There, I've finished my thinking, and you've finished your looking. And what have you decided? Smiled Hyacinth. Decided? Said Curanel, rather startled. Oh, no, I wasn't deciding anything. I was just thinking. I was thinking about animals. So was I. How very curious, and also how wrong of you. You were supposed to be admiring my clouds. What sort of animals were you thinking about? Oh, all sorts. I was thinking about rabbits. Do you care for rabbits at all? Not very much. Neither do I. They're so lopidy. Do you like lions? I think their tails are rather silly. Said Hyacinth. Yes, perhaps they are. Now, a woolly lamb. I'm not very fond of woolly lambs just now. No? Well, they're not very interesting. It's a funny thing. He went on, casually, trying to steal a glance at her. That we should be talking about those three animals. Because I once met somebody who was a mixture of all three together at the same time. So did I. Said Hyacinth, gravely. Then he saw her mouth trembling, and suddenly she turned round and caught his eye, and then they burst out laughing together. Poor Udo! Said Corinnell. And how is he looking now? He is all right again now. All right again? Then why isn't he? But I'm very glad he isn't. I didn't like him. Said Hyacinth, blushing a little, and then she went on bravely. But I think he found he didn't like me first. He wants humoring. Said Corinnell. It's my business to humor him. It isn't yours. Hyacinth looked at him with a new interest. Now I know who you are. She said. He talked about you once. What did he say? Asked Corinnell, obviously dying to know. He said you were good at poetry. Corinnell was a little disappointed. He would have preferred Hyacinth to have been told that he was good at dragons. However, they had met now and it did not matter. Princess. I said suddenly. I expect you wonder what I am doing here. I came to see if Prince Udo was in need of help, and also to see if you were in need of help. Prince Udo was my friend. But if he has not been a friend of yours, then he is no longer a friend of mine. Tell me what has been happening here, and then tell me if in any way I can help you. You called me Hyacinth yesterday. She said. And it is still my name. Hyacinth. Said Corinnell, taking her hand. Tell me if you want me at all. Thank you, Corinnell. You see, Corinnell, it's like this. And sitting beneath wigs is veteran of the forest, with Corinnell lying at her feet. She told him everything. It seems easy enough, he said, when she had finished. You want Udo pushed out, and the Countess put in her place. I can do the one while you do the other. Yes, but how do I push Prince Udo out? That's what I'm going to do. Yes, but Corinnell, dear, if I could put the Countess in her place, shouldn't I have done it a long time ago? I don't think you quite know the sort of person she is. And I don't quite know what her place is, either, which makes it rather hard to put her into it. You see, I don't think I told you that Father is rather fond of her. I thought you said Udo was. They both are. Then how simple. They simply kill Udo, and, and, well, anyhow, there's one part of it done. Yes, but what about the other part? Corinnell thought for a moment. Would it be simpler if we did it the other way around? He said. Killed the Countess and put Udo in his place. Father wouldn't like that at all, and he's coming back tomorrow. Corinnell didn't quite see the difficulty. If the King was in love with the Countess, he would marry her whatever Hyzenith did. And what was the good of putting her in her place for one day if her next place was to be on the throne? Hyzenith guessed what he was thinking. Oh, don't you see? She cried. She doesn't know that the King is coming back tomorrow. And if I can only just show her—I don't mind if it's only for an hour—that I'm not afraid of her, and that she has got to take her orders from me, then I shan't mind so much all that has happened these last weeks. But if she is to have disregarded me all the time, if she is to have plotted against me from the very moment my father went away, and if nothing is to come to her for it but that she marries my father and becomes Queen of Euralia, then I can have no pride left, and I will be a princess no longer. I must see this Belvane. Said Corinnell thoughtfully. Oh, Corinnell, Corinnell! If you fall in love with her too, I think I shall die of shame. With her, Hyzenith? He said, turning to her in amazement. Yes, you—I didn't—you never— Her voice trailed away. She could not meet his gaze any longer. She dropped her eyes, and the next moment his arms were round her, and she knew that she would never be alone again. CHAPTER XIX OF ONCE ON A TIME This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. ONCE ON A TIME By A. A. Milne. CHAPTER XIX Udo behaves like a gentleman. And now, said Corinnell, we'd better decide what to do. But I don't mind what we do now, said Hyzenith happily. She may have the throne, and father, and Udo, and—and anything else she can get. And I shan't mind a bit. You see, I have got you now, Corinnell, and I can never be jealous of anybody again. That's what makes it so jolly. We can do what we like, and it doesn't matter if it doesn't come off. So just for fun, let's think of something to pay her out. I feel I don't want to hurt anybody today. All right, we won't hurt her. We'll humor her. We will be her most humble, obedient servants. She shall have everything she wants. Including Prince Udo. Smiled Hyzenith. That's a splendid idea. We'll make her have Udo. It will annoy your father. But one can't please everybody. Oh, I can see myself enjoying this. They got up and wandered back along Whig's path, hand in hand. I'm almost afraid to leave the forest, said Hyzenith, in case something happens. What should happen? I don't know. But all our life together has been in the forest, and I'm just a little afraid of the world. I will be very close to you always, Hyzenith. Be very close, Corinnell. She whispered, and then they walked out together. If any of the servants at the palace were surprised to see Corinnell, they did not show it. After all, that was their business. Prince Corinnell will be staying here, said the princess. Prepare a room for him and some refreshment for us both. And if they discussed things in the servants' halls of those days, as why should they not? No doubt they told each other that the princess Hyzenith, bless her pretty face, had found her man at last. Why, you only had to see her looking at him. But I get no assistance from Roger at this point. He pretends that he has a mind far above the gossip of the lower orders. I say, said Corinnell, as they went up the grand staircase, I am not a prince, you know. Don't say I have deceived you. You are my prince, said Hyzenith proudly. My dear, I am a king among men today, and you are my queen. But that's in our own special country of two. If you are so particular, said Hyzenith, with a smile, father will make you a proper prince directly he comes back. Will he? That's what I'm wondering. You see, he doesn't know yet about our little present to the Countess. But it is quite time we got back to Belvane. We have left her alone too long. It was more than Udo did. Just now he was with her in her garden, telling her for the fifth time an extraordinarily dull story about an encounter of his with a dragon, apparently in its dotage, to which Belvane was listening with an interest which surprised even the narrator. And then, said Udo, I jumped quickly to the right and whirling my—no, wait a bit, that was later. I jumped quickly to my left. Yes, I remember it now. It was my left. I jumped quickly to my left and whirling my— He stopped suddenly at the expression on Belvane's face. She was looking over his shoulder at something behind him. Why, whoever is this? She said, getting to her feet. Before Udo had completely cleared his mind of his dragon, the Princess and Coronel were upon them. Ah, Countess, I thought we should find you together, said Hyacinth Archly. Let me present you to my friend, the duke Coronel. Coronel, this is Countess Belvane, a very dear and faithful friend of mine—Prinzuto, of course, you know. His royal highness and the Countess are—well, it isn't generally known at present, so perhaps I oughtn't to say anything. Udo made a deep bow to the astonished Belvane. Your humble servant, he said, you will I am sure forgive me if I say how glad I am to hear your news. Udo is one of my oldest friends. He turned and clapped that bewildered highness on the back. Aren't you, Udo? And I can think of no one more suitable in every way. He bowed again and turned back to the Prince. Well, Udo, you're looking splendid. A different thing, Countess, from when I last saw him. Let me see. That must have been just the day before he arrived in Euralia. Ah, what a miracle worker true love is. I think one of the things which made Belvane so remarkable was that she was never afraid of remaining silent when she was not quite sure what to say. She waited, therefore, while she considered what all this meant. Who Coronel was, what he was doing there, even whether a marriage with Udo was not after all the best that she could hope for now. Meanwhile, Udo, of course, blundered along gaily. We aren't exactly, Princess. I mean, what are you doing here, Coronel? I didn't know, Princess, that you—the Countess and I were just having a little. I was just telling her what you said about—how did you get here, Coronel? Shall we tell him? said Coronel, with a smile at Hyacinth. Hyacinth nodded. I rode, said Coronel. It's a secret, he added. But I didn't know that you— We find that we have really known each other a very long time, explained Hyacinth. And hearing that there was to be a wedding, added Coronel. Belvane made up her mind. Coronel was evidently a very different man from Udo. If he stayed in Uralia as advisor, more than advisor, she guessed, to Hyacinth. Her own position would not be in much doubt. And as for the king, it might be months before he came back, and when he did come, would he remember her. But to be queen of Araby was no mean thing. We didn't want it to be known yet, she said, Charlie. But you have guessed our secret, your royal highness. She looked modestly at the ground, and feeling for her reluctant lover's hand went on. Udo and I— Here she squeezed the hand, and finding it was Coronel's, took Udo's boldly without any more maidenly nonsense. Udo and I love each other. Say something, Udo, prompted Coronel. Er, yes, said Udo, very unwillingly, and deciding he would explain it all afterwards. Over his feelings for the Countess, he was not going to be rushed into a marriage. Oh, I'm so glad— Said Hyacinth. I felt somehow that it must be coming, because you've seen so much of each other lately. Wigs and I have often talked about it together. What has happened to the child? Thought Belvane. She isn't a child at all. She's grown up. There's no holding Udo once he begins. Volunteered Coronel. He's the most desperate lover in Araby. My father will be so excited when he hears. Said Hyacinth. You know, of course, that his Majesty comes back to Mara with all his army. She did not swoon or utter a cry. She did not plead the vapours or the magrims. She took unflinching what must have been the biggest shock in her life. Then perhaps I had better see that everything is ready in the palace, she said. If your royal highness will excuse me. And with a curtsy she was gone. Coronel exchanged a glance with Hyacinth. I'm enjoying this, he seemed to say. Well, she announced, I must be going in too. There'll be much to see about. Coronel was left alone with the most desperate lover in Araby. And now, said the Prince, tell me what you are doing here. Coronel put his arm in Udo's and walked him up and down the flag path. You're approaching marriage. She said. Is the talk of Araby? Naturally I had to come here to see for myself what she was like. My dear Udo, she's charming. I congratulate you. Don't be a fool, Coronel. I haven't the slightest intention of marrying her. Then why have you told everybody that you are going to? You know quite well I haven't told anybody. There hasn't been a single word about it mentioned until you pushed your way in just now. Ah, well, perhaps you hadn't heard about it. But the Princess knows, the Countess knows, and I know. Yes, I think you may take our word for it that it's true. I haven't the slightest intention. What do you keep clinging to my arm like this for? My dear Udo, I'm so delighted to see you again. Don't turn your back on old friendships just because you have found a nobler and a truer. Oh, very well. If you're going to drop all your former friends go on then. But when I'm married, there will always be a place for— Understand once and for all, said Udo angrily, that I am not getting married. No, don't take my arm. We can talk quite well like this. I am sorry, Udo, said Coronel Meekly. We seem to have made a mistake. But you must admit we found you in a very compromising position. It wasn't in the least compromising, protested Udo indignantly, as a matter of fact. I was just telling her about that dragon I killed in Erebi last year. Ah, and who would listen to a hopeless story like that? But the woman one was going to marry. Once more, I am not going to marry her. Well you must please yourself. But you have compromised her severely with that story. Poor innocent girl. Well, let's forget about it. And now tell me, how do you like Eurelia? I am returning to Erebi this afternoon, said Udo stiffly. Well perhaps you're right. I hope that nothing will happen to you on the way. Udo, who was about to enter the palace, turned round with a started look. What do you mean? Well, something happened on the way here. By the by. How did that happen? You never told me. Your precious Countess, whom you expect me to marry. You have very unkind of her, a nasty person to annoy. It was silent for a moment, and then added thoughtfully. I suppose it is rather annoying to think you're going to marry somebody whom you love very much, and then find you're not going to. Udo evidently hadn't thought of this. He tried to show that he was not in the least frightened. She couldn't do anything. It was only by a lucky chance she did it last time. Yes, but of course the chance might come again. You'd have the thing hanging over you always. She's clever, you know. And I should never feel quite safe if she were my enemy. Lovely flowers, aren't they? What's the name of this one? Udo dropped undecidedly into a seat. This wanted thinking out. The Countess. What was wrong with her, after all? And she evidently adored him. Of course that was not surprising. The question was, was it fair to disappoint one who had, perhaps, some little grounds for—after all, he had been no more gallant than was customary from a prince and a gentleman to a beautiful woman. It was her own fault if she had mistaken his intentions. Of course he ought to have left Uralia long ago, but he had stayed on and, well, decidedly she was beautiful. Perhaps he had paid rather too much attention to that, and he had certainly neglected the princess a little. After all, again, why not marry the Countess? It was absurd to suppose there was anything in Coronel's nonsense, but one never knew. Not that he was marrying her out of fear—no, certainly not. It was simply a chivalrous whim on his part. The poor woman had misunderstood him, and she should not be disappointed. She seems fond of flowers, said Coronel. You ought to make the palace garden look beautiful between you. Now understand clearly, Coronel, I'm not in the least frightened by the Countess. My dear Udo, what a speech for a lover. Of course you're not. After all, what you bore with such patience and dignity once, you can bear again. That subject is distasteful to me. I must ask you not to refer to it. If I marry the Countess— You'll be a very lucky man. Put in Coronel. I happen to know that the king of Urelia—however, she's chosen you, it seems. Personally, I can't make out what she sees in you. What is it? I should have thought it was quite obvious, said Udo, with dignity. Well, Coronel, I think perhaps you are right, and that it's my duty to marry her. Coronel shook him solemnly by the hand. I congratulate your royal highness. I will announce your decision to the princess. She will be much amused—much delighted." And he turned into the palace. Pity him, you lovers! He had not seen Hyacinth for nearly ten minutes. CHAPTER XXI. OF ONCE ON A TIME. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Once on a time by A. A. Milne. CHAPTER XXI. Coronel knows a good story when he hears it. I quote, with slight alterations, from an epic by Charlotte Patekic, a contemporary poet of the country. King Marywig I rode back from war, as many other kings had done before. Five hundred men behind him were in sight. Left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right. So far as is known, this was her only work, but she built up some reputation on it, and Belvane, who was a good judge, had a high opinion of her genius. To be exact, there were only four hundred and ninety-nine men. Henry Small-nose, a bowman of considerable promise, had been left behind in the enemy's country, the one casualty of war. While spying out the land in the early days of the invasion, he had been discovered by the chief armorer of Barodia at full length on the wet grass searching for tracks. The chief armorer, a kindly man, had invited him to his cottage, dried him and given him a warming drink, and had told him that, if ever his spying took him that way again, he was not to stand on the ceremony but come in and pay him a visit. Henry, having caught a glimpse of the chief armorer's daughter, had accepted without any false pride, and had frequently dropped in to supper thereafter. Now that the war was over, he found that he could not tear himself away. With King Meriwick's permission he was settling in Barodia, and with the chief armorer's permission he was starting on his new life as a married man. As the towers of the castle came in sight, Meriwick drew a deep breath of happiness. Home again! The hardships of the war were over. The spoils of victory, wrapped up in tissue paper, were in his pocket. Days of honoured leisure were waiting for him. He gazed at each remembered landmark of his own beloved country, his heart overflowing with thankfulness. Never again would he leave Euralia. How good to see Hyacinth again! Poor little Hyacinth left all alone. But there she had had the Countess Belvane, a woman of great experience to help her. Belvane! Should he risk it? How much had she thought of him while he was away? Hyacinth would be growing up and getting married soon. Life would be lonely in Euralia then, unless... Should he risk it? What would Hyacinth say? He was waiting for him at the gates of the castle. She had wanted Coronel to wait with her, but he had befused. We must offer the good news to him gradually, he said. When a man has just come back from a successful campaign, he doesn't want to find a surprise like this waiting for him. Just think, we don't even know why the war is over. He must be longing to tell you that. Oh, he'll have a hundred things to tell you first. But then, when he says, and what's been happening here while I've been away, nothing much, I suppose. Then you can say... Then I shall say, nothing much, only Coronel, and such a clever... Oh, I have my ideas. Said Coronel. Well, I'll be out of the way somewhere. I think I'll go for a walk in the forest. Or shall I stay here in the Countess's garden, and amuse myself with Udo? Anyhow, I'll give you an hour alone together first. The cavalcade drew up in front of the castle. Handkerchiefs fluttered to them from the walls. Trumpets were blown, hounds bade. Down the steps came Hyacinth, all blue and gold, and flung herself into her father's arms. My dear child! Said Mary-Wig as he patted her soothingly. There, there, it's your old father come back again. Hmm! There, there! He patted her again, as though it were she and not himself who was in danger of breaking down. My little Hyacinth, my own little girl! Oh, father, I am glad to have you back. There, there, my child! Now I must just say a few words to my men, and then we can tell each other all that has been happening. He took a step forward, and addressed his troops. Men of Eurelia! We have returned from a long and arduous conflict. To the embraces of our mothers and wives and daughters, as the case may be. In honor of our great victory, I decree that, from now onwards, tomorrow shall be observed as a holiday throughout Eurelia. I bid you all now return to your homes, and I hope that you will find as warm a welcome there as I have found in mine. Here he turned and embraced his daughter again, and if his eye traveled over her shoulder in the direction of Belvane's garden, it is a small matter, and one for which the architect of the castle, no doubt, was principally to blame. There was another storm of cheers. The battle cry of Eurelia, Ho, Ho, Merrywig, was shouted from five hundred throats, and the men dispersed happily to their homes. Hyacinth and Merrywig went into the palace. Now, Father," said Hyacinth later on, when Merrywig had changed his clothes and refreshed himself,--"You've got to tell me all about it. I can hardly believe it's really over."--"Yes, yes, it's all over," said Merrywig heartily.--"We shan't have any trouble in that direction again, I fancy."--"Do tell me. Did the King of Barodia apologize?"--"He did better than that. He abdicated."--"Why?"--"Well," said Merrywig, remembering just in time--"I, uh, killed him."--"Oh, Father, how rough of you!"--"I don't think it hurt him very much, my dear. It was more a shock to his feelings than anything else. See, I have brought these home for you." He produced from his pocket a small packet in tissue paper.--"Oh, how exciting! Whatever can it be?" Merrywig unwrapped the paper and disclosed a couple of ginger whiskers, neatly tied up with blue ribbon.--"Father!" He picked out the left one, fawns at Origo, if he had known any Latin, of the war, and held it up for hyacinth inspection.--"There! You can see the place where Henry Smallnose's arrow bent it. By the way," he added,--"Henry is marrying and settling down in Barodia. It is curious," he went on,--"how after a war one's thoughts turned to matrimony." He glanced at his daughter to see how she would take this, but she was still engrossed with the whiskers.--"What am I going to do with them, Father? I can't plant them in the garden." I thought we might run them up the flagstaff, as we did in Barodia.--"Isn't that a little unkind now that the poor man's dead?" Merrywig looked round him to see that there were no eavesdroppers.--"Can you keep a secret?" he asked mysteriously.--"Of course," said Hyacinth, deciding at once that it would not matter if she only told Coronel. Well then, listen--"He told her of his secret journey to the King of Barodia's tents. He told her of the King of Barodia's letter. He told her more fully of his early duel with the King. He told her everything that he had said and done, and everything that everybody else had said and done to him. And his boy's pleasure in it all was so evident and so innocent that even a stranger would have had nothing more reproachful for him than a smile. To Hyacinth he seemed the dearest of fathers and the most wonderful of kings. And by and by the moment came of which Coronel had spoken.--"And now," said Merrywig,--"tell me what you have all been doing with yourselves here. Nothing much, I suppose." He waited nervously, wondering if Hyacinth would realize that all was meant to include more particularly Belvane. Hyacinth drew a stool up to her father's chair and sat down very close to him.--"Father," she said, stroking his hand where it rested on his knee.--"I have got some news for you."--"Nothing about the Count? Nothing serious, I hope," said Merrywig in alarm.--"It's rather serious, but it's rather nice. Father, dear, would you mind very much if I got married soon?"--"My dear, you shall get married as soon as you like. Let me see. There were six or seven princes who came about it only the other day. I sent them off on adventures of some kind, but, dear me, yes, they ought to have been back by now. I suppose you haven't heard anything of them?"--"No, Father," said Hyacinth, with a little smile.--"Ah, well, no doubt they were unsuccessful. No matter, dear, we can easily find you plenty more suitors. Indeed, the subject has been very near my thoughts lately. We'll arrange a little competition, and let them know in the neighbouring countries there'll be no lack of candidates. Let me see. There's that seven-headed bull. He's getting a little old now, but he was good enough for the last one. We might--"--"I don't want a suitor," said Hyacinth softly.--"I have one." Merrywig leaned forward with eagerness.--"My dear, this is indeed news. Tell me all about it. Upon what quest did you send him?" Hyacinth had felt this coming. Had she lived in modern times, she would have expected the question, "'What is his income?' A man must prove his worth in some way."--"I haven't sent him away at all yet," she said.--"He's only just come. He's been very kind to me, and I'm sure you'll love him."--"Well, well, we'll arrange something for him. Perhaps that bull I was speaking of. And by the way, who is he?" He comes from Araby, and his name is--"Udo, of course. Why didn't I think of him? An excellent arrangement, my dear."--"It isn't Udo, I'm afraid, Father. It's Coronel."--"And who might Coronel be?" said the King, rather sternly.--"He's...he's...well, he's...here he is, Father." She ran up to him impulsively as he came in at the door.--"Oh, Coronel, you're just in time. Do tell Father who you are." He bowed profoundly to the King.--"Before I explain myself, Your Majesty," he said,--"May I congratulate Your Majesty on your wonderful victory over the Barodians? From the little I have gathered outside, it is the most remarkable victory that has ever occurred. But, of course, I am longing to hear the full story from Your Majesty's own lips. Is it a fact that Your Majesty made his way at dead of night to the King of Barodia's own tent, challenged him to mortal combat, and slew him?" There was an eagerness, very winding in his eyes as he asked it. He seemed to be envying the King such an adventure, an adventure after his own heart. Merrywig was in an awkward position. He wondered for a moment whether to order his daughter out of the room.--"Leave us, my child," he would say,--"These are matters for men to discuss." But Hyacinth would know quite well why she had been sent out, and would certainly tell Coronel the truth of the matter afterwards. It really looked as if Coronel would have to be let into the secret, too. He cleared his throat noisily by way of preparation.--"There are certain state reasons," he said, with dignity.--"Why, that story has been allowed to get about."--"Pardon, Your Majesty. I have no wish to."--"But as you know so much, you may as well know all. It happened like this." Once more he told the story of his midnight visit and of the King's letter to him.--"But Your Majesty," cried Coronel,--"it is more wonderful than the other. Never was such genius of invention, such brilliance and daring of execution."--"So you like it," said Merrywig, trying to look modest."--"I love it."--"I knew he'd love it," put Hyacinth.--"It's just the sort of story that Coronel would love. Tell him how you fought the King at the beginning of the war, and how you pretended to be a swine-herd, and how--" Could any father have resisted? In a little while Hyacinth and Coronel were seated eagerly at his feet, and he was telling once more the great story of his adventures."--"Well, well," said the King at the end of it, when he had received their tribute of admiration.--"Those are just a few of the little adventures that happen in wartime," he turned to Coronel.--"And so you, I understand, wish to marry my daughter?"--"Does that surprise Your Majesty?"--"Well, no, it doesn't. And she, I understand, wishes to marry you."--"Yes, please, Father."--"That," said Coronel, simply--"is much more surprising."--"Merrywig, however, was not so sure of that. He liked the look of Coronel. He liked his manner. And he saw it once that he knew a good story when he heard one."--"Of course," he said,--"you'll have to win her."--"Anything Your Majesty sets me to do. It's as well."--"He added, with a disarming smile--"--"That you cannot ask for the whiskers of the King of Barodia. There's only one man who could have got those."--"Truly an excellent young man."--"Well, we'll arrange something," said Merrywig, looking pleased."--"Perhaps Your Prince Udo would care to be a competitor, too."--"Pyacinth and Coronel interchanged a smile."--"Alas, Father," she said--"His Royal Highness is not attracted by my poor charms."--"Wait till he has seen them, my dear," said Merrywig, with a chuckle."--"He has seen them, Father."--"What? You invited him here? Tell me about this, Hyacinth. He came to stay with you, and he never--" his Royal Highness--"put in Coronel--"has given his affections to another."--"Aha! So that's the reason. Now I wonder if I can guess who she is. What do you say to the Princess Elvira of Tragong? I knew his father had hopes in that direction." Hyacinth looked round at Coronel, as if appealing for his support. He took a step towards her.--"No, it's not the Princess Elvira," said Hyacinth a little nervously. The King laughed good-humoredly.--"Ah, well, you must tell me," he said. Hyacinth put out her hand, and Coronel pressed it encouragingly. His Royal Highness Prince Udo--" she said--"is marrying the Countess Belvane." CHAPTER XXI A SERPENT COMING AFTER UDO Belvane had now had twenty-four hours in which to think it over. Whatever her faults, she had a sense of humour. She could not help smiling to herself as she thought of that scene in the garden. However much she regretted her too hasty engagement, she was sure Udo regretted it still more. If she gave him the least opportunity, he would draw back from it. Then why not give him the opportunity?"--"My dear Prince Udo, I'm afraid I mistook the nature of my feelings," said, of course, with downcast head and a maidenly blush. Except Udo, with haste, and derking merry-wig, it would be so easy. Ah, but then Hyacinth would have won. Hyacinth had forced the engagement upon her. And if it only lasted for twenty-four hours, so long as it was a forced engagement, Hyacinth would have had the better of her for that time. But if she welcomed the engagement, if she managed in some way to turn it to account, to make it appear as if she had wanted it all the time, then Hyacinth's victory would be no victory at all, but a defeat. Marry Udo then, as if willingly? Yes, but that was too high a price to pay. She was by this time thoroughly weary of him, and besides, she had every intention of marrying the King of Euralia, to pretend to marry him until she brought the King in open conflict with him, and then, having led the King to her feet, to dismiss the rival who had served her turn, that was her only wise course. She did not come to this conclusion without much thought. She had composed an ode to despair, an elegy to an unhappy woman, and a triulet to interfering dukes before her mind was made up. She also considered very seriously what she would look like in a little cottage in the middle of the forest, dressed in a melancholy gray and holding communion only with the birds and trees, a life of retirement away from the vain world, a life into which no man came. It had its attractions, but she decided that gray did not suit her. She went down to her garden and sent for Prince Udo. At about the moment when the King was having the terrible news broken to him, Udo was protesting over the sundial that he loved Belvane and Belvane only, and that he was looking forward eagerly to the day when she would make him the happiest of men. So afraid was he of what might happen to him on the way back to Arabic. The Countess Belvane Pride Marywig Prince Udo, Mary the Countess Belvane, I never heard such a thing in my life. He gladded them one after the other as if it were their fault, as indeed it was. Why didn't you tell me this before, Hyacinth? It was only just announced, Father. Who announced it? Well, Udo did, said Coronel. I never heard of anything so ridiculous in my life. I won't have it. But Father, don't you think she'd make a very good queen? She'd make a wonderful—that has nothing to do with it. What I feel so strongly about is this. For month after month I am fighting in a strange country. After extraordinary scenes of violence and peril, I come back to my own home to enjoy the, uh, fruits of victory. No sooner do I get inside my door than I have all this thrust upon me. Oh, what, Father? said Hyacinth innocently. Oh, this! said the king, with a circular movement of his hand. It's too bad. Upon my word it is. I won't have it. Now mind, Hyacinth, I won't have it. But, Father, how can I help it? Marywig paid no attention to her. I come home—he went on indignantly—fresh from the, uh, spoils of victory to what I thought was my own peaceful, uh, home. And what do I find? Somebody here wants to marry somebody there, and somebody else over there wants to marry somebody else over here. It's impossible to mention any person's name in even the most casual way, without being told they're going to get married, or some nonsense of that sort. I'm very much upset about it. Oh, Father? said Hyacinth penitently. Did you see the countess yourself and talk to her? To think that for weeks I have been looking forward to my return home, and that now I should be met with this, it is quite spoiled my day. Father? cried Hyacinth, coming towards him without stretched hands. Let me send for her ladyship, began Coronel. Perhaps she— No, no, said Marywig, waving them away. I am very much displeased with you both. What I have to do, I can do quite well by myself. He strode out and slammed the door behind him. Hyacinth and Coronel looked at each other blankly. My dear— said Coronel. You never told me he was as fond of her as that. But I had no idea. Coronel, what can we do now about it? Oh, I want him to marry her now. He's quite right. She'll make a wonderful queen. Oh, my dear, I feel I want everybody to be as happy as we're going to be. They can't be that, but we'll do our best for them. I can manage you to all right. I only have to say rabbits to him and he'll do anything for me. Hyacinth, I don't believe I've ever kissed you in this room yet, have I? Let's begin now. Marywig came upon the other pair of lovers in Belvane's garden. They were sharing a seat there, and Udo was assuring the Countess that he was her own little Udo Udo, and that they must never be away from each other again. The King put his hand in front of his eyes for a moment as if he could hardly bear it. Why, it's his Majesty, said Belvane, jumping up. She gave him a deep curtsy and threw in a bewitching smile on the top of it. Formality or friendliness, he could take his choice. Prince Udo of Araby, your Majesty. She looked shyly at him and added, Perhaps you have heard. I have, said the King gloomingly. How do you do? He added in a melancholy voice. Udo declared that he was an excellent house at present and would have gone into particulars about it had not the King interrupted. Well, Countess, he said, This is strange news to come back to. Shall I disturb you if I sit down with you for a little? Oh, your Majesty, you would honour us. Udo, dear, have you seen the Heronry lately? Yes, said Udo. It looks so sweet just about this time of the afternoon. It does, said Udo. Belvane gave a little shrug and turned to the King. I'm so longing to hear all your adventures, she murmured confidingly. I got all your messages. It was so good of you to remember me. Ah, said Mary-Wig reproachfully. And what do I find when I come back? I find— He broke off and indicated in pantomime with his eyebrows that he could explain better what he had found if Udo were absent. Udo, dear, said Belvane, turning to him. Have you seen the kennels lately? Yes, said Udo. They look rather sweet just about this time, said Mary-Wig. Don't they? Said Udo. But I am so longing to hear, said Belvane, how your Majesty defeated the King of Barodia. Was it your Majesty's wonderful spell which overcame the enemy? You remember that? Remember it? Oh, your Majesty—bowl, bowl—Udo, dear, wouldn't you like to see the armory? No, said Udo. There are a lot of new things in it that I brought back from Barodia. Said Mary-Wig, hopefully. A lot of new things. Explained Belvane. I'll see them later on, said Udo. I dare say they'll look better in the evening. Then you shall show me, your Majesty, said Belvane. Udo, dear, you can wait for me here. The two of them moved off down the path together, Udo taken by surprise, and as soon as they were out of sight, tiptoed across the lawn to another garden seat, Belvane leading the way with her finger to her lips, and Mary-Wig following with an exaggerated caution which even Henry Small knows would have thought overdone. He is a little slow, isn't he, that young man? Said the King, as they sat down together. I mean he didn't seem to understand— He's such a devoted lover, your Majesty. We can't bear to be out of my sight for a moment. Oh, Belvane, this is a sad homecoming. For a month after month I have been fighting and toiling and planning and plotting, and then—oh, Belvane, we were all so happy together before the war. Belvane remembered that once she and the Princess and Wigs had been so happy together, and that Udo's arrival had threatened to upset it all. One way and another Udo had been a disturbing element in Euralia, but it would not do to let him go just yet. Aren't we still happy together? She asked innocently. There's her royal highness with her young duke, and I have my dear Udo, and your Majesty has the—the Lord Chancellor, and all your Majesty's faithful subjects. His Majesty gave a deep sigh. I am a very lonely man, Belvane. When Hyacinth leaves me, I shall have nobody left. Belvane decided to risk it. Your Majesty should marry again, she said gently. He looked unutterable things at her. He opened his mouth with the intention of doing his best to utter some of them when— Not before Udo, said Belvane softly. Marywig got up indignantly, and scowled at the Prince as the latter hurried over the lawn towards them. Well, really, said Marywig, I never knew such a place, one simply can't— Ah, your royal highness, have you seen our armory? I should say— He corrected himself as he caught Belvane's reproachful look. Have we seen our armory? We have. Her ladyship was much interested. I have no doubt, your Majesty— He turned to Belvane. You will be interested in our armory at home, dear. She gave a quick glance at the King to see that he was looking, and then patted Udo's hand tenderly. Home! She said lovingly. How sweet it sounds! The King shivered as if in pain, and strode quickly from them. Your Majesty sent for me? Said Coronel. The King stopped his pacings, and looked round as Coronel came into the library. Ah, yes, yes! He said quickly. Now, sit down there and make yourself comfortable. I want to talk to you about this marriage. Which one, Your Majesty? Which one? Why, of course, yours—that is to say, Belvane's—or rather— He came to a stop in front of Coronel and looked at him earnestly. Well, in a way, both. Coronel nodded. You want to marry my daughter. Mary-Wig went on. Now it is customary, as you know, that to the person to whom I give my daughter, I give also half my kingdom. Naturally before I make this sacrifice, I wish to be sure that the man to whom—well, of course, you understand— But he is worthy of the Prince's hyacinth. Said Coronel. Of course, he couldn't be. He added with a smile. And worthy of half the kingdom. Amended Mary-Wig. That he should prove himself this is also, I think, customary. Anything that Your Majesty suggests. I am sure of it. He drew up a chair next to Coronel's, and sitting down in it, placed his hand upon his knees, and explained the nature of the trial which was awaiting the successful suitor. In the ordinary way— He began— I should arrange something for you with a dragon or a what-not in it. The knowledge that some such ordeal lies before him often enables a suitor to discover, before it is too late, that what he thought was true love is not really the genuine emotion. In your case, I feel that an ordeal of this sort is not necessary. Coronel inclined his head gracefully. I do not doubt your valor, and from you, therefore, I ask a proof of your cunning. In these days, cunning is perhaps the quality of all others demanded of a ruler. We had an excellent example of that. He went on carelessly. In the war with Barodia that is just over, where the whole conflict was settled by a little idea which— A very wonderful idea, Your Majesty. Well, well— Said Mary-Wig, looking very pleased. It just happened to come off, that's all. But that is what I mean when I say that cunning may be of even more importance than valor. In order to win the hand of my daughter and half my kingdom, it will be necessary for you to show a cunning almost more than human. He paused, and Coronel did his best in the interval to summon up a look of superhuman guile into his very frank and pleasant countenance. You must prove yourself worthy of what you ask me for. Said Mary-Wig solemnly. By persuading Prince Udo to return to Araby, alone. Coronel gasped. The thing was so easy that it seemed almost a shame to accept it as the condition of his marriage. To persuade Udo to do what he was only longing to do did not call for any superhuman qualities of any kind. For a moment he had an impulse to tell the king so, but he suppressed it. After all, if the king wants cunning, and if I make a great business of doing something absurdly easy, then he is getting it. Mary-Wig, simple man, mistook his emotions. I see, he said, that you are appalled by the difficulty of the ordeal in front of you. You may well be so. You have known his royal highness longer than I have, but even in our short acquaintance I have discovered that he takes a hint with extraordinary slowness. To bring it home to him with the right mixture of tact and insistence that Araby needs his immediate presence, alone, may well tax the most serpentine of minds. I can but try it. Said the serpentine one simply. The king jumped up and shook him warmly by the hand. You think you can do it? He said, excitedly. If Prince Udo does not start back to Araby tomorrow. Alone! Mary-Wig. Alone! Then I shall have failed in my task. My dear! Said the king to his daughter as she kissed him good night that evening. I believe you are going to marry a very wise young man. Of course I am, father. I only hope you'll be as happy with him as I shall be with, as I was with your mother, though how he's going to bring it off. He ought to do himself. He's more than I can think. End of Chapter Twenty-One. Chapter Twenty-Two of Once on a Time. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Once on a time by A. A. Mune. Chapter Twenty-Two. The seventeen volumes go back again. King Mary-Wig of Eastern Euralia sat at breakfast on his castle walls. He lifted the gold cover from the gold dish in front of him, selected a trout, and conveyed it carefully to his gold plate. When you have an aunt, but I need not say that again. King Coronel of Western Euralia sat at breakfast on his castle walls. He lifted the gold cover from the gold dish in front of him, selected a trout, and conveyed it carefully to his gold plate. When your wife's father has an aunt, Prince Udo of Arabe sat at breakfast. But one must draw the line somewhere. I refuse to follow Udo through any more meals. Indeed, I think there has been quite enough eating and drinking in this book already. Quite enough of everything, in fact. But the time has nearly come to say goodbye. Let us speed the Prince of Arabe first. His departure from Euralia was sudden. Five minutes' conversation with Coronel convinced him that there had been a mistake about Belvane's feelings for him, and that he could leave for Arabe in perfect safety. You must come and see us again, said Mary-Wig heartily, as he shook him by the hand. Yes, do, said Hyacinth. There are two ways of saying this sort of thing, and theirs was the second way. Udo was Udo's, when he answered that he would be delighted. It was just a week later that the famous double-bedding was celebrated in Euralia. As an occasion for speech-making by King Mary-Wig and Largesse throwing by Queen Belvane, it demanded and got a whole chapter to itself in Roger's history. I have Roger on my side at last. The virtues he denied to the Countess he cannot but allow to the Queen. Nor could Hyacinth resist her any longer. Belvane, upon her palfry, laughed her in her eyes and roses in her cheeks. Her lips, slightly parted with eagerness as she flings her silver to the crowd, adorably conscious of her childishness and yet glorifying in it, could have no enemies that day. She is a dear, said Hyacinth to Coronel. She will make a wonderful Queen. I know a Queen worth two of her, said Coronel. But you do admire her, don't you? Not particularly. Oh, Coronel, you must! said Hyacinth. But she felt very happy all the same. They rode off the next day to their kingdom. The Chancellor had had an exciting week. For seven successive evenings he had been extremely mysterious and reserved to his wife. But now his business was finished, and King Mary-Wig reigned over eastern Euralia and King Coronel over the west. Let us just take a look at Belvane's diary before we move on to the last scene. Thursday, September 15th, it says, became good. Now for the last scene. King Mary-Wig sat in Belvane's garden. They had spent the morning revising their joint book of poetry for publication. The first set of verses was entirely Mary-Wig's own. It went like this. Bow, ball, bill, ball, woe, wall, will, wall. A note by the authors called attention to the fact that it could be begun from either end. The rest of the poems were mainly by Belvane. Mary-Wig's share in them consisting of a capital or an I like that when they were read out to him. But an epic, commonly attributed to Charlotte Paddockick, had crept in somehow. A person to see your majesty, said a flunky appearing suddenly. What sort of person, asked Mary-Wig? A sort of person, your majesty. See him here, dear, said Belvane as she got up. I have things to do in the palace. She left him, and by and by the flunky returned with the stranger. He was a pleasant-looking person, with a round, clean-shaven face. Something in the agricultural way, to judge from his clothes. Well, said Mary-Wig, I desire to be your majesty's swine-herd, said the other. What do you know of swine-herding? I have a sort of natural aptitude for it, your majesty, although I have never actually been one. My own case exactly. Now then, let me see. How would you? The stranger took out a large red handkerchief and wiped his forehead. You propose to ask me a few questions, your majesty? Well, naturally, I... Let me beg of you not to. By all you hold sacred, let me implore you not to confuse me with questions. He drew himself up and thumped his chest with his fist. I have a feeling for swine-herding. It is enough. Mary-Wig began to like the man. It was just how he felt about the thing himself. I once carried on a long technical conversation with the swine-herd. He said, reminiscently, And we found we had much in common. It is an inspiring life. It was in just that way, said the stranger, that I discovered my own natural bent towards it. How very odd! Do you know? There's something about your face that I seem to recognize. The stranger decided to be frank. I owe this face to you. He said simply, Mary-Wig looked startled. In short, said the other, I am the late king of Barodio. Mary-Wig gripped his hand. My dear fellow! He said, My very dear fellow! Of course you are! Dear me! How it brings it all back! And may I say, what an improvement! Really I'm delighted to see you. You must tell me all about it. But first, some refreshment. With the word refreshment, the late king of Barodio broke down all together, and it was only Mary-Wig's hummings and hoings and thumpings on the back, and, later on, the refreshment itself, which kept him from bursting into tears. My dear friend! He said, as he wiped his mouth for the last time, You have saved me. But what does it all mean? Asked Mary-Wig in bewilderment. Listen, and I will tell you. He told himself of the great resolution to which he had come on that famous morning when he awoke to find himself whiskersless. Barodio had no more use for him now as a king, and he, on his side, was eager to carve out for himself a new life as a swine-herd. I had a natural gift, he said plaintively, an instinctive feeling for it. I know I had. Whatever they said about it afterwards, and they said many hard things. I was certain that I had that feeling. I had proved it, you know. There couldn't be any mistake. Well? Ah! But they laughed at me. They asked me confusing questions, niggling little questions about the things swine ate, and things like that. The great principles of swine-herding, the—what I may call the art of herding swine, the whole theory of shepherding pigs in a broad-minded way, all this they ignored. They laughed at me, and turned me out with jeers and blows to starve. Marywig patted him sympathetically, and pressed some more food on him. I ranged over the whole of Barodio. Nobody would take me in. It is a terrible thing, my dear Marywig, to begin to lose faith in yourself. I had to tell myself at last that perhaps there was something about Barodian swine which made them different from those of any other country. As a last hope I came to Eurelia. If here too I was spurned, then I should know that— Just a moment, said Marywig, breaking in eagerly. Who was this swine-herd that you talked to? I talked to so many, said the other, sadly. They all scoffed at me. No, but the first one, the one that showed you that you had a bent towards it. Didn't you say that— Oh, that one! That was at the beginning of our war. Do you remember telling me that your swine-herd had an invisible cloak? It was he that— Marywig looked at him sadly, and shook his head. My poor friend— He said— It was me. They gazed at each other earnestly. Each of them was going over in his mind the exact details of that famous meeting. Yes! They murmured together. It was us. The King of Barodia's mind braced on through all the bitter months that had followed. He shivered as he thought of the things he had said. The things that had been said to him seemed of small account now. Not even a swine-herd, he remarked. Come, come, said Marywig. Look on the bright side. You can always be a king again. The late King of Barodia shook his head. It's a come-down to a man with any pride. He said. No, I'll stick to my own job. After all, I've been learning these last weeks. At any rate, I know that what I do know isn't worth knowing, and that's something— Then stay with me, said Marywig, heartily. My swine-herd will teach you your work, and when he retires, you can take it on. Do you mean it? Of course I do. I shall be glad to have you about the place. In the evening, when the pigs are asleep, you can come in and have a chat with us. Bless you, said the new apprentice. Bless you, your Majesty. They shook hands on it. My dear, said Marywig, to Belvane that evening. You haven't married a very clever fellow. I discovered this afternoon that I'm not even as clever as I thought I was. You don't want cleverness in a king, said Belvane, smiling lovingly at him. Or in a husband. What do you want, then? Just dearness, said Belvane. And now my story is done. With a sigh, I unload the seventeen volumes of Euralian history from my desk, carrying them one by one across the library and placing them carefully in the shelf which has been built for them. For some months they have stood a rampart between me and the world, behind which I have lived in far-off days with Marywig and Hyacinth and my Lady Belvane. The rampart is gone, and in the bright light of today which streams onto my desk the vision slowly fades, once on a time. Yet I see one figure clearly still. He is tall and thin, with a white-peaked face of which the long inquisitive nose is the outstanding feature. His hair is lank and uncared for. His russet smock, tied in at the waist, wants brushing. His untidy cross-gattered hose shows up the meagerness of his legs. No nightly figure this. Yet I look upon him very tenderly. For it is Roger Scravy legs on his way to the palace for news. To Roger, too, I must say good-bye. I say it not without remorse, for I feel that I have been hard upon the man to whom I owe so much. Perhaps it will not be altogether good-bye. In his seventeen volumes there are many other tales to be found. Next time, if there be a next time, I owe it to Roger to stand aside and let him tell the story more in his own way. I think he would like that. It shall not be a story about Belvane. I saw Belvane, or someone like her, at her country house in Shrobeshire last summer, and I know that Roger can never do her justice. End of Chapter Twenty-Two. End of Once on a Time by A. A. Milne.