 Your Coca-Cola bottler presents Claudia based on the famous play and novels by Rose Franken Brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola Relax and while you're listening refresh yourself. Have a coke and now Claudia Dum dum dum bum bum bum bum la la la hey good. Isn't that ice cream finished yet? What'd you say Mrs. Norton? I said it's not ice cream finished yet. No How can you tell without even opening up the freezer to the way it turns? Oh? Listen, let me do it for you a little your arm must be dead. Are you crazy Mrs. Norton? You just get away from here. You want something to happen before it should I'd only be moving my arm Not while I'm here in charge you you don't move no arm You just wait until your husband and your mother get back from New York And then you can move all the arms you want providing the same oh for heaven's sake you think nobody ever had a baby before What did women in the covered wagon days do they didn't freeze ice cream? What time do you reckon your mom husband will be back? What time do you reckon the ice cream will be hard any minute now? Well, I guess they'll be back any minute, too What time is it? According to the clock in the icebox, which ain't right. It's 20 past six Is it that late later dear than they should be back I don't start worrying that ain't good for the baby neither But when you stop to think that the only two people I have in the world Riding along in an automobile at the mercy of any hoodlum driver I'm just sort of like putting all your eggs in one basket except you'd have the baby Oh Gertrude don't be so literal you make my blood run cold I ain't saying anything's gonna happen to your mom husband's sakes I wouldn't be slaving over this ice cream would I if I thought the word Gertrude you are marvelous Yes, I'd say he was lucky to have me I am My dead husband used to say, take anything Gertrude can't put her hand to if she's a mind to You certainly had a mind to fix up that old freezer Why not? These are better than the new ones any day Gertrude, do you think it's cheaper to make ice cream than buy it? Count it up Six eggs, quarter milk, quarter milk, quarter cream, quarter strawberries And the rock salt And the ice No, it ain't cheaper but it's long sight better Is that a car coming in? No under the dog box They're home Don't brush so you'll break your neck Lansage, you've only seen them this morning Seems like years Don't throw me over Hey block, hey block What's in that big box? None of your business Hello darling Hello you're late, I was worried to death We are not late, we're exactly on time How have you been? Fine, fine, fine Here sit down a minute in the terrace and rest yourself Do I have to? I'm not tired Oh get tired Ah, gosh, smell that air Mother, isn't it something after the hot city? Bluff, you old hypocrite, you don't like me that much Yes, yes it's wonderful air What did you do all day? Did you see that Louisa Mama? David, how was the office? What's in that box? She just means what's in the box Nothing for you, so calm yourself Something for the baby? Not even Well that's a nerve All right, all right, I'll open it I know you two women are dying of curiosity Die What did you do with yourself all day? But Gertrude found an old ice cream freezer down in the cellar from the year one No She's made ice cream I said what did you do? I watched her, got in her hair generally Ah, I'll bet David, what is that? Well, what does it look like? Looks like a box of cigars and a bottle of champagne No wonder it made an intriguing looking bundle Ah, it is intriguing The finest cigars and the best bottle of champagne you ever tasted How do you know till you open it? Look at the label Can't go by labels A, will you two women stop looking a gift horse in the face? What horse was the gift from? Tom Colligan Who's he? One of our contractors The cigars are for me and the champagne is for the little lady Only the little lady doesn't give a hoot for champagne I just as leave have a nice cold bottle of Coca-Cola or something What kind of a creature did you raise, mother? Just a simple country lass I've known simple country lass is not to be so simple I'm just curious Oh, here's Gertrude, I guess supper's ready Hello, Gertrude How did that daughter of mine behave while we were away? I had my hands full with her Wanted to churn ice cream, she did Worst thing to do now Certainly is Where'd you get the ambition to make homemade ice cream, Gertrude? It's quite a job I found all the fixings in the cellar Even a bag of old rock salt Found an old quart of sweet cream too in the cellar Left over from a little old last year's Cal Gertrude Oh, you're the limit, Mr. Norton Truth to tell, it's pretty expensive Making homemade ice cream at home You ever knew there was any other place you could make it? Gertrude, can I borrow some of your cracked ice? I want to chill this champagne for supper You don't need no champagne with homemade ice cream Homemade ice cream is enough of a celebration for one night But that's where you're wrong, Gertrude We are going to drink the champagne In honor of your ice cream Oh, that's different And we'll all finish up with a nice black cigar Yeah, crazy folks, that's all I can say Well, I'll get supper on We're only having hash I reckon we could economize on the rest of the meal Considering the end of it was so fancy I wonder if Gertrude knows That I'd rather have a good apple pie Than a dish of ice cream No, and I didn't have the courage to tell her what she began And don't blame her She's put her whole soul into that old freezer So sad the way it takes so little To make some people so happy That ice cream has really been a big event in Gertrude's life So you just tell her it's wonderful I'll make no promises You'll have to be pretty darn good Oh dear, I can see it coming He's going to break Gertrude's heart I'll praise her hash, but not her ice cream But she doesn't want her hash, praise She isn't proud of her hash Gertrude, that was delicious hash Those was nothing but a few little chicken croquettes Made out of yesterday's roast of eel I think I'll have some more I ain't going to get all full up before the ice cream Oh Better fill your glasses up again with champagne Because I'm bringing it in this minute Alright, pass your glass, mother Not much, David You'll take what you get and like it Claudia, your glass It's not bad Listen to her, mother It's not bad I'd still rather have Coca-Cola This'll do in a pinch Well, here we are Don't that look good enough to eat Taped too hard, taped too soft Oh, Gertrude, what a huge portion But it does look wonderful Oh, it does, Gertrude That's the most wonderful pink It should be with fresh strawberries But handsome is his handsome does As my late husband used to say Dig in, Mr. Norton, tell me how it tastes Well, look, it's an awful lot of ice cream, Gertrude I can never eat that much Sure you can, a big six-foot man My late husband could polish off twice that much Without batting an eyelash That's not nice Go on, Mr. Norton, taste See if it ain't different from what you buy Well, here goes Well Yes, it is different from what you buy I never tasted ice cream like this before, Gertrude Go on, Claudia Go on, mother, you dig in I am, I can't wait Mama, what do you say? Why, it's as smooth and velvety Well, you folks certainly are appreciative To look at your faces, you'd think You'd never ate ice cream before Gertrude, have you tasted this yet? Me, shucks, never touch the stuff It's all I can do to taste it Before it goes in the freezer to see if it's sweet enough Is it sweet enough? Oh, oh, yes, yes, it's very sweet Very very sweet Oh, no, not too sweet Gertrude, why don't you make an exception Just this one and treat yourself to a dish of ice cream Go ahead Give me a good piece of pie any day No ice cream for me, fattening Well, I'll go get the coffee, one small, two big David, is your ice cream salty? I thought I got a spoonful of the Atlantic Ocean So did I, it's an old freezer The salt must have leaked through How can we tell her? We can't Isn't he sweet, mama? His bark's worse than his bite He might be sweet, but the ice cream isn't We can't manage to swallow these huge plates Well, we ought to be sick as dogs Sick as dogs? Bark worse than bite? Mrs. Brown, you are a genius And so is that aforementioned daughter of yours Sitting right outside the window with his mouth watering Waiting for something to happen Consider that it's happened Here, old boy, come in, come in, come on, old boy How do you like some ice cream, bluff? Shh, that's what I'll just say yes or no, but quietly Here you are, my lad It's not sanitary, he has his own dish This is an emergency Presto, one gone I always knew a great day to come in handy His tongue is a yard long David, he hasn't finished yet Oh, I'm an artist If he licks the plate clean Gertrude will know there's something phony about it Darling, you're wonderful Oh, here, bluff, mind that That's manners for you If I'm left with my plate full before Gertrude gets bad Ah, you'll have to eat it But we can't hurt Gertrude's feelings more You don't care what you do to your poor mother-in-law's stomach Hurry up, bluff, hurry up, there's a nice doggie Come on, bluff Not too keen, please Come on, bluff, finish it I don't think we'd better let him eat mother's potion It might make him sick Don't pay any attention to him, bluff It's just a drop in the bucket As far as you're concerned, isn't it? Yeah, nice bluff Nice ice cream there Gertrude's coming Take off the plate, mother Hurry, hurry Don't give it to me Well, just grab it, grab it Wipe your face, bluff That was the finest dinner I've had in years Some more champagne, my love Yes, yes Here's Gertrude Gertrude, yet we coax you to join us in a final glass of champagne Don't mind if I do have a little drink I sure need it What's wrong, Gertrude? You're quite pale Yes, what's the matter? Your ice cream, your edit Why shouldn't we edit? It was delicious Delicious But it was salty The dratted freezer must delete How do you know? Looks so good I decided to taste some And I went back to the coffee It was salty as all get out It was, ours wasn't That's what I can't get over, you edit I come in here expecting I don't know what And lo and behold, your place is as clean as a whistle almost Almost, yes Your folks is just crazy Ain't you got no sense of taste? No, we're just crazy Gertrude, I'll tell you what happened That salt must have leaked in After you served our three plates Mrs. Brown, that's just what must have happened to help me And if that ain't lucky Honestly, Gertrude, you got more luck than brains That's all I can say I sure am relieved and happy Well, we got three dishes out of it anyway Even though a full half freezer's full got to go to waste Oh, unless bluff could eat it Even a dog could eat ice cream Some dogs, Gertrude, but not great games No, no, never a great day No, they're too manly You'd hurt his feelings if you asked him to Besides, I'm pretty sure to make him ill at this point Well, I guess maybe you're right Well, too bad, I hate wasting things All that good cream and fresh strawberries But lordy, lordy, I sure am grateful and thankful That salt got in afterwards and not before Least ways you had yourselves a good help In a homemade ice cream I'll go get your coffee now We'll never get to heaven Don't you believe it? Some lies, some lies mind you Are quite all right And this one was Oh, she'd have been so unhappy Can you imagine The dog is thirsty Here, bluff Do you want a suggestion for making your ironing pleasanter? Turn on the radio and get yourself An ice-cold bottle of Coca-Cola Coke while your ironing is mighty refreshing It makes warm tasks cooler and pleasanter Same's true for any household chores That take it out of you You're your own boss and you might as well work refreshed I don't know, Mr. King, I just don't know You don't know what it is That ice cream, pretty mysterious One half salty, the other half not Well, it was eaten and enjoyed I can assure you of that Well, I wouldn't trust that Mr. Norton When it comes to another person's feelings He has too much heart to hurt anybody If he can help it Well, that's a good way to be And all that heart is going to stand David in good stead tomorrow Always will, why especially tomorrow Remember the schoolhouse David's been asked to build in Eastbrook? Sure, I remember Well, it's going to be designed with heart And built with spirit and wisdom Sounds like a good building to last a good while I'll be here tomorrow Because Gertrude sure wants to hear about it So long, Mr. King So long, Gertrude Every day Monday through Friday Claudia comes to you transcribed With the best wishes of your friendly neighbor Who bottles Coca-Cola So listen again tomorrow at the same time And now this is Joe King saying Au revoir, and remember Whoever you are, whatever you do Wherever you may be When you think of refreshment Think of Coca-Cola Or Coca-Cola makes any pause The pause that refreshes And ice-cold Coca-Cola is everywhere This broadcast of Claudia was supervised And directed by William Brown Maloney And now here's a word from your friendly neighbor Who bottles Coca-Cola