 by the end of it, by the time it gets back to the speaker, it's just this this tattered rose that nobody wants. If you've ever been harmed or hurt by the way the church has talked about sex, waiting for marriage, purity, this video is for you and I pray it's a healing video for you. You see in a lot of ways I grew up in the thick of purity culture. Homeschooled, conservative Christian, all the trademarks of somebody that would be connected to purity culture and have it ingrained within them. Now I have to say my parents are awesome. In a lot of ways they push back on a lot of the purity culture mentality and the harmful things that were part of that movement. But at the same time it was impossible for me not to be influenced by a lot of the folks around me and also just culture in general that I resonated with, the homeschooled conservative Christian culture that propagated a lot of these ideas of purity culture. Now if you're not as familiar with purity culture and what that actually looks like then this might be startling for you. This might be like you might not believe me with some of the things that I'm going to say that we believed or that we internalized. It's going to seem too far-fetched, maybe too crazy for you, but I want to assure you that this is a lot of what we were taught and a lot of what our culture and pastors and speakers were propagating and promoting at the time. Now rightfully so we've learned from it, rightfully so we've pushed back and kind of entered what I believe to be a more biblical space. But meanwhile many people have left Christianity that have been harmed and hurt by this that have just rejected it wholesale because they believe that Jesus has rejected them, which isn't the case. So let me just give you a little bit of an overview of what purity culture is in a lot of ways. So I want you to imagine for a second that you are at a youth conference. A youth conference is often where it happened, some sort of youth group, something like that. And the speaker is talking about sexuality and purity and how God values our purity and that he wants us to walk in holiness in this area of sexuality. And maybe she mentions or he mentions pornography or mentions just not looking with last. And generally it's directed at the boys too, but also for the girls it's about modesty and making sure that you're not making the boys stumble by what you're wearing. And so this is a lot of the messaging and I'm not saying all this is bad, but this is just what you come to expect. And then all of a sudden he lifts up a piece of paper and then he passes this piece of paper to the person in the front row and he says, okay, I want you to pass this piece of paper along the way and everyone hold it, everyone touch it, makes you have a firm grasp on it and then pass it to the next person. And what happens after it goes through maybe a hundred people, maybe if you're at a big youth conference it goes through a thousand people, youth they're just grabbing it, they're passing along, maybe they're trying to be careful with it, some are, but others are just kind of crumpling it up and it gets back to the pastor or the speaker at the front and he says, he looks at this and he says, well this is you when you've been used sexually, this is you when you've been with a lot of people sexually, you've been crumpled up, you've been tattered, you've been torn, you see how there's these these rips in here, they can't be repaired and these creases in there, these can't be straightened and you don't want to be like this piece of paper and that's why God wants you to be pure, so you won't be like this and you think and you're maybe 14 years old, you're 13 years old, you're sitting in this audience and maybe you've had, you know, maybe you've had your first kiss, maybe you haven't, maybe you've dated somebody, maybe, you know, you haven't or you're thinking about these things as sexuality is just confusing for you, but now it's ingrained in your mind that this is something that that is just like, you know, irreversible, it's irreversible, it is the ultimate, the deadliest sin of the mall is to not save yourself towards for marriage and it's just this is just how it is and there's this deep shame and fear that's already building within you, it's not a desire to follow God, it's not a desire, oh I want to do this for God because I love God, it's this desire to not be that crumpled piece of paper, to not be worthless, to not be used, to not be nothing to somebody and so you just kind of press on and think of this, another one, you're in the youth camp and he pulls out another illustration, he pulls out this piece of tape and he passes it to you and he says, okay, I want to stick this piece of tape on them, okay, I want to stick this piece of tape on them and and they're, you know, everyone's going through and it gets back to the pastor and he says, well look how not sticky this is, this isn't sticky anymore, this is you when you've been with a lot of people, when you're not sticky anymore, you're not able to bond with them because you bonded with so many people and so once again this message of fear, this message of shame and you just imagine this person that is in the audience that has been with a few people and the deep shame that they'd experience is not the love, the transcendent love of God that brings about redemption and healing and forgiveness and restoration and newness, it's this God of judgment which is an aspect of who God is, right, we are judged for our sin but it stops there, it's a God that looks at you with disdain and disgust but offers you no redemption and no mercy and this is a guide that many people cannot handle being around and that's why they leave, that's why they feel so dejected and pushed away by the church and one more, this is the most popular, the rose, now you know, I have to be honest and say this is the newest rose but the pastor would usually get a fresh rose and he'd pass it around and say okay everyone, you know, maybe take a petal off this rose and kind of just pass it around a little bit and so it's going through all the youth and they're taking off a petal here and a petal there and maybe some of them are getting a little bit too excited about it and taking off a few more and by the end of it by the time it gets back to the speaker it's just this this touted rose that nobody wants, at least that's what he says, I just remember this impactful, one of the most impactful sermons that I've ever watched was by Matt Chandler and he talks about the rose and he talks about how he brought this young mom to, you know, this that he had been in his Bible study into this conference and this pastor did just this and he says who would want this rose and I just remember Matt Chandler screaming by that with the top of his lungs, at the top of his lungs saying Jesus wants the rose, Jesus wants the rose and that's the truth for all of us, you see, it's not that we are all spotless or blameless but that through Christ we can be made just that, it's that these harmful purity culture analogies are a further representation of the lack of grace and redemption that was spoken of in those days, it was a complete focus on fear and shame and guilt in order to manipulate behavior as opposed to a focus on having our hearts and our minds drawn towards Christ despite what we've done in our past because we see the sinfulness of our ways and we're drawn to the Savior because of his immaculate and wondrous grace and this is something that is just powerful that had been totally disregarded with and I want you to just picture for a second living in a mentality where people are so fixated on not only saving yourself for marriage because I'm not saying that we should dispose of biblical sexuality, we're called to, you know, the sexuality to be taken place in the marriage covenant, I'm not saying that we should be disposing of that but what I'm saying is that that has been elevated to a level of salvific, a salvific nature, right? This is something that is imperative to your salvation but then people bring it further, they bring it to the areas of modesty as well, these are, you know, the first things that we think about when it, what does it look like to live the Christian life while for girls to wear modest clothing, this is what's propagated, I'm not saying that modesty isn't an aspect of what, you know, Christians should be thinking about it absolutely should but when it's always about the outward appearance and never about the heart level, you can understand why there would be this disconnect between what I do and who I am on the inside, it's like I'm just trying to appear to God as good, I'm just not going to do these things but meanwhile my heart is disconnected from him because I'm torn up in fear and shame. Another thing that, I mean, this might sound insane to you but people freaking out over hugging before marriage and being, you know, oh, is this something that is sexually impure? It's this kind of, I don't know, hyper paranoia around men and women honestly and you see this, I mean we make jokes about it and a lot of this is I think good and right and not necessarily, not necessarily wrong but like how girls and guys, especially youth group, they are split up into their own groups, I think that's honestly healthy in a lot of ways but if we're never promoting healthy male-female relationships even from an early age when it's always like the opposite gender is dangerous because I'm going to be honest with you, that's often what it's seen as, like don't get too close, they're dangerous, you got to be careful but you don't know the first thing about what it means to be healthy, how the healthy relational dynamic with a person of the opposite gender but there's just so much paranoia and fear around it. I mean, I just think about people have different beliefs about this, right? People have different beliefs about kissing before marriage and all that but I just think of the engagement video that I posted a while back of and in that video, you know, me and my fiance kissed and it's like even just, you know, having to note that is going to be kind of put off some people like, why do you even need to note that? That's just kind of a normal thing but for some people that is like, oh my goodness, that is a heinous sin, a heinous crime before a holy god and I know people have different perspectives and boundaries on this and I think that's okay and that's right and that's good and I support you in that but it's just that people have forced these extra biblical expectations and moralities on Christianity, the Christian culture in general, seen them as gospel and in so doing have placed just an unreasonable burden on the shoulders of many people that would just like to follow Christ in freedom and a lightness and an easy yoke but in turn, they have this weight on their shoulders that is fueled by shame but I want to tell you right now, this shouldn't be the end of the story, I know for a lot of folks they've experienced this, maybe they grew up homeschooled in this kind of more fundamentalist environment and they just been disconnected and disenfranchised from it, I know a lot of stories like that but then there's also stories like mine who, you know, grew up in a solid Christian household where my parents tried to push back on some of this stuff and yet I was still impacted by the culture in general but even still I'm able to sort through some of the wreckage of these misconceptions and these extra biblical beliefs and some of this deep shame that's intertwined its way into my soul because I understand that the freedom and forgiveness and redemption that is available in Christ and it is on a daily basis receiving that, taking that in and recognizing that God brings redemption, there's some scripture verses here that I just think are so impactful and important for this conversation, I have blotted out your transgressions like a cloud and your sins like mist return to me for I have redeemed you but thus says the Lord he who created you O Jacob he who formed you O Israel fear not for I have redeemed you I have called you by name you are mine God gives us a new main name he has chosen us we are his he has redeemed us by his blood now I recognize there are two ditches to every story I can speak of the purity culture ditch where people were forcing extra biblical understandings and beliefs on the Christian culture in general that were leading to shame and guilt and disconnection from the true living merciful loving God but also there's another aspect where that I can't speak of as much to where there's this disregard of God's ways completely that I can do whatever I want that it is total embrace of sexual perversion and this perceived sexual liberation that's not good either right so I'm not saying that this is that that's the answer I'm saying that what we need to find is sticking to what God has given us in his word his commands but recognizing that we can never measure up to that standard perfectly we can never be perfectly pure but in Christ through his imputed righteousness on our behalf we receive his righteousness so we are seen as white as snow come now let us reason together says the Lord though your sins are like scarlet they shall be as white as snow though they are red like crimson they shall become like wool Jesus he's in the business of transformation of heart transformation so that when he looks at you he no longer sees the sin that once uh you know took hold of your life he no longer sees you as you know this crumpled piece of paper that cannot be fixed no he sees you as clean as as whole as righteous as as pure as lovely as beautiful as someone he delights in that's a beautiful thing and I pray that that gives you that's a healing thing for you I pray that that is the beginning of a new story for you in your life one that is not built on shame or fear or guilt but rather is now rejoicing in God delighting in him and seeking to glorify him each and every day out of gratitude because he has freed you because he has forgiven you that is amazing these videos are brought to you by my patrons on patreon if you want to support the work of my mission in equipping people to follow jesus daily click the link in my description it would be a huge blessing you would get access to all sorts of exclusive content our discord exclusive video chats and it would be wonderful to see you over there until next time god bless