 Honestly, the group experiments that we did was my favorite part of the whole book in the experience. That was the scariest part for me, but I enjoyed it after. That was no B, it was hard. Actually, I remember that night because we literally like two minutes after we did the vaginal fluid thing in the bathroom, we like found three really hot guys from Norway and they were like so eager to talk to us and I don't know if it was like you know we were in a group of three girls, I don't know like something, but it was actually like crazy how that lined up like vaginal juice, like talking to three beautiful men, like that was so crazy. I couldn't believe it. I knew exactly what I was doing and that took the guesswork out of everything. It's like I have a structure of what I'm going to do, what I'm going to say, how I'm going to say it, what my body is going to be like and I felt more confident knowing exactly what I wanted to do and that's just probably me too, but I love knowing what I'm going to do because I'm like all right chill. So it was really emotional for me to have to sit and reflect and be like you are kind of insecure and needy and need too much reassurance and worrying about how it looks from the outside looking in. But it wasn't really because of anything that he had done, even though he was trash, it was just me, it was and I had to look back at even past relationships, like any little thing that shook my sense of security, I just became this monster. Hello, so this video is because there's been so much media coverage about the women that I worked within this book and what we did and I felt like you should hear from them firsthand what the experience was actually like and get to meet these incredible people who I got to spend six months of my life with and now I get to call friends. Now, if you have not read or listened to the game of desire, this video is probably not going to hit that, you know, hit that spot for you. So I strongly suggest you do that first before proceeding and best of all, with my Audible offer, you can listen to my book for free. Just go to audible.com slash Shan Booty, sign up for a free trial. Now, if you have read the book already, then this video is for you, then this video I think is going to be as special to you as it is for me. But can I also just say thank you for getting the book? Thank you very much. Okay, go meet the girls. Welcome to Hello, Their Lovers and Friends, featuring my lovers and my friends. We got Deshawn, Kourtney, Maya, Steph, Priscilla and these. We are the women of the game of desire. 2018 was a year. I mean, we spent half of the year together when we first started. I remember it was supposed to be six weeks and that was how I hooked you guys in and then what was really great actually Steph. Absolutely how you looked at it. Did you know? No, I did not know. Let me tell you something. I had the absolute naivety to believe that it would take six weeks. I look back at that version of myself. I'm like, what a fucking dummy because I had been doing sex relationship intimacy, seduction, education for 13 years. You know what I mean? And it had taken me a long time to really pick things up and to come into my own and to face my faults. And even then this book made such a big massive transition in me. So I realized through this process how much I learned and so there's no possible way in six weeks you're going to have this big transformation. You could probably pick up one tip, one technique, but it takes a long time to really come into your own experience at growth. And I'm sure you guys are still in process. It took like six weeks for us to like get the workbook done. That too. Yes. You actually have to like dig and I know digging is uncomfortable for most people. Like that's why it has to be something that you truly want and you're actually putting effort into. You can't just be like, okay, I like this tip. I like this tip. Let's go out. Like and I'm married now. Like that's not necessarily like the process. And like it doesn't mean you can't be critical of it either. I think doing the quizzes, I was very critical of it. I know. I know. You wrote back in your workbook, this was a bullshit quiz. You should have used this one that she would source the one that I was supposed to have used instead or like, this one's not thorough. And I loved that about it. I didn't like it. I felt like I was back in school and I knew there was no dick coming and I knew there was no reward coming. So I didn't. I almost checked out. I'm gonna be honest with you. I almost sent her an email and said, girl, I appreciate what you're trying to do. But this is taking too much of my personal time. And honestly, at that time in my life, if something took too much time, my personal time, bye. No. Give me your first impressions of the group day one. This sounds really bad, but like, what is wrong with these girls? Like, I know why I'm here. So like, what's their problem type thing? Like, why are we all here? Clearly, like, I know what my issues are. And I'm like, clearly the worst dator in the whole wide world. And like, nobody could possibly in this room be just like as sucky as I am. So what are they doing here? There's no way that you left that day thinking you were the worst. I feel like I stress blocked out that day. You did what? Stress blocked out. Oh. And I was just like, I don't think I would be friends with any of them. And I don't think anyone would be friends with me. Honestly, that's when I was like, this project is kind of bullshit because I was kind of like, okay, so she picked like an Asian one, she picked a black one. And I was like, okay, I don't think they like, I don't think anyone seriously needs dating, except for me, of course, because like I'm the special one, right? But then like literally like 20 minutes in, I was like, Oh, okay, I know. Yes, like no one looks like they suck at dating. The archetypes why I brought you guys in wasn't necessarily the ones that you ended with, maybe some of you, I brought you in mostly for your parents, because which we didn't even really talk about. We didn't really talk about that at all, because it actually really wasn't what your major it thing was. Yeah, I mean, it's still an issue. But yeah, yeah, but the biggest hurdle for you was saying yes to self was a sense of confidence was a sense of feeling cool. It was that like power to believe in yourself. And in that it became apparent that you and Priscilla were pretty similar. So that's when I was like, Oh, okay, that was kind of like a repeat that I saw you're both INFPs. But Priscilla's yours difference was that was you just didn't want to try it was almost like just remember being like this girl has not been ever put an effort in. I did want to try it was just I was so used to fading into the background that I was like, you know, it was actually fascinating in prepping for this podcast, I was rereading all of your guys initial applications that you wrote in. And I don't remember thinking of you as a funny person until like, I don't know, it took a long time before I was like, wow, she's so funny and cool. But I was rereading your application, I was like, she's been funny. I've been that person. And so I don't even remember what I said on the application. On the application, I was like, what kind of questions are these? I've never had to think about this stuff before. I suck at this. What were your friends think your issue is with dating or the last I was like, I haven't told me so I immediately texted like three friends like, so what do you think about my dating life? You're fine girl. What you did, which normally you don't engage in is that you had us tell each other our impressions, and you did it in a one on one manner and then you were like, or do you feel comfortable reading what others said about you? And once you get that perspective is just like, nobody was mean or nobody that's a very small portion of the book. And it was a small portion actually of our six months together. But for whatever reason, that's a very made a massive impression on you, the impressions of each other from each other. Why? Because your friends don't tell you the truth. And so I mean, we were kind of like becoming friends. But we were still kind of strangers at the time. So we were all learning at the same time. So we kind of had the vocabulary for like, what the anti stuff qualities were and things of that nature. So it's like, it's easier to point out somebody else's flaws than it is to see your own. And so some of the things that you see yourself, you can be like, okay, but then when four other people say the exact same thing or say something totally different, you have to be like, wait, do I do this? Okay. And like process that yourself too. And I think for me personally, everything that I heard about myself was a defense mechanism. And once I saw that people were seeing that, I was like, oh, I'm fine. I do not need to do this all the time. And after that, I feel like I completely changed. You did. You really did. I love what you just said. And I don't know if you meant it the way that I'm going to interpret it. But you know me, I'm going to repurpose it for my own needs. That all the faults that were pointed out, I think of all of you were defense mechanisms. When we think about, I mean, you guys know my concept of you is you are whoever you consistently decide to be. There is no set in stone you. There is no definitive you. My friend actually said to me recently, and she's like, I honestly, I'm not a flirt. I'm not good at flirting. I don't like flirting. I'm not going to flirt. So what other tips are in this book for me? Cause I'm not the flirty type. She is me and I am her. But my friends the same one too, whom like maybe a year ago was like, I would never do anal sex. And now she's like, yesterday, this new toy. We always prove to ourselves that we can defy the concept of self and that we're changing and evolving. But for some reason, when it comes to dating, we're so precious over who self is. But a lot of the things that we were noticing about each other and that was coming up into workbooks, into X's conversation, also amongst each other. And you guys still didn't want to hear it. So I'd have a phone call with you, which was not planned at all. Oh, that wasn't planned? It was not planned because the original intention of this book was to be a 100% repeatable format. And so if I am a part of the process, then you can't repeat it at home as a reader. And so I was like, no, I just want to make this. And you mentioned this too, Steph, that you were like, for a long time, you weren't talking back to us. You were just like observing and taking in our information asking questions. But you never had a response. And it was at that point where it was like, this is not getting drilled home for some reason. So and I actually say in the book that I do think that because of the fact that you guys were able to recognize these things in each other, it is still a repeatable format. Because even if you don't have a guide going through this with you, if you really truly look into your friend's eyes and say, I need to talk about this, I've done this workbook. Here's what's come up. I've spoken to my ex. Here's what they said, be honest with me, put this together. Like, how is this actually reflection of the version of the person I've become with people who read the book? It is not something to speed read through. It is not. This is something you're going to crack open because you're you want to change. I just think I needed to hear what people saw in me. Take that in and then make sure that that wasn't my personality, because I don't think of myself in those ways. But if they were seeing it, I was obviously pushing it out there. And I was able to understand why I was doing that. And I was able to understand how to change that. And Shan had given me suggestions. And I took the information that I got and kind of put those two together to fully understand why I was doing this, what I can change and who I wanted to be, who the true me was for everyone else in the group. Describe the concept of true me. What does that mean to you? I think the true me is partly who I understand myself to be and partly who I aspire to be. I think that without those aspirations, you would have nothing to work for. But there's obviously going to be challenges in that because you are who you are. And, you know, you grew up a certain way, you may have certain friends, like everything goes into that. But that melding of who you are and who you want to be, I think pushes you to be someone that you're meant to be. When you read the book, how much of it were you like, that's true? Was there any parts that you were like, that's BS that never happened? All of it's true. I would like an explanation on my dummy smile. I was reading it and I was like, did it? To see how many times you mentioned my gummy smile in the book. And I was like, it's like 15 times. No, it's not. Really? It is a lot. In my defense, I'd like to say. Defend it out. In my defense. Get close to the mic. In my defense. So there were like scenes in the book where you're like, Stephanie looked really nervous to talk to this guy, but it was really like, I just had no interest in talking to the guy. So I was like, thank you, but like, no, thank you. But I do think that I need to get more used to like giving people the full respect. So thank you for reminding me of that. But yeah, I know what you're saying. That was when I was shaky. I was like, just losing faith in the program and the church, you know, I was like very stressed. And, and then I saw like Dashaun talking to that guy who, to me, like looking at the guy that she approached, that was so stressful for me. When you were like, does anybody want to talk to this guy? I was like, no, like, um, absolutely not. And to see Dashaun just crush that, it was like so inspiring. And it made me realize, or it made me feel like I was really behind, you know, where I was like, oh my God, like, I need to have some sort of like, it just seemed like everyone had a moment where they like clicked and was like, all of a sudden a different person. And I was like, where, like, who am I? Like, why am I not like experiencing like a different love life already? You know what I mean? A couple of people who have read the book so far have asked me the question, like what really didn't happen? And they'll list things like the thing with me and you in the beginning court, like the, the cards, like that didn't really happen. I'm like, no, it happened. You always bring my markers out. No, that happened. And then seeing Kofi Sarobee, Kristen Stewart, someone's like, that really happened. I was like, yes, she was in our self-tapping class. Who was your favorite expert in the book and why? All of us equally, I feel like, hated, but loved Nina, the stripper. I feel like, I think like, we hated one thing about her that brought us together. But like, it was just one thing, one thing, but we loved her because she was a person that strutted her shit. Yeah, she was a good time. She was a good, you, and like, you may want to have a stigma about somebody, but you can't hold it against them when they're like, this is me. I'm running this game. Like I'm doing this and to have someone exude that much confidence, you can't hope to fall in love with them. And what did you, like, what else did she say? Sexy and nasty questions. Yes. Okay. Crunch the water bottle. Shit, that may be working. Like what? This girl's getting paid. She's getting dates. We saw her have a phone call. It was like, yeah, I'm coming over. You got this and this for me. Rub my feet. Rub my feet. He's like, yeah, come through. We're like, shit. Right in the middle of the workshop. In the middle. I forgot. I didn't even write that in there. You disappointed. Wow. I think Ari. See, I didn't get to spend time with her. You weren't there. No, I didn't get to see D'Shawn cry. Yes, it was a time. I was very nervous because Ari is everything I want to be and like everything I'm definitely not. So. Oh, you don't feel that way still though. You don't feel like you have a little bit of Ari in you? Not really. Oh my gosh. That's how Ari was sitting talking to us. Don't be modest. I did use that photo that you took of us for like everything. That green emerald green jumpsuit is everything. Remember I went and like bought one? And she was like, I have to go have a jumpsuit now. So inspired by my, you know, you hurt my feelings that day too. You did. I forgot to call you out about this, but I get why now. And it was like actually my fault for doing it. Because I remember I asked you for shirts. You asked if you had a white shirt. And then you were like, I don't can I'm like, I can grab some for you. And you're like, yeah, go ahead, grab it. And then I grabbed all from Forever 21, which is like not your place like not your place at all. And I was like, here's the shirts. And you're like, these are none of these are good. I was like, oh my God, these people are so like they're so cold. But you came out with this amazing green jumpsuit and I clicked for me. And like, and then when we had that style expert Talia, and you were saying to her like, I just don't feel good in like traditional women's shirts. And all I bought you was like tank tops and like fitted a little like turtlenecks. And so it was like a learning lesson for me. Can someone explain the cake theory? Yeah, I can. But no, you can do it. I'll explain the cake. That's what happened the flirting day. Yeah, remember that? You guys were bantering back and forth, but who's gonna flirt with these two hot dudes? And Sean's like, I'll do it. Step right up. Yes, go ahead to Sean. Yes. Okay, it was like, people are like happier when they see a cake. And so they like assume they assume like it's like a happy occasion. So they're more likely to swipe on you because they're like really excited about whatever you're celebrating on my birthday. I put out a cake photo and a couple of you guys commented cake photo in the comments section. Please know that that anybody who's reading this, that entire thing was staged. I literally like we need a cake photo because tomorrow I was announcing the book the next day. And so I wanted to get my algorithm up and so I'm like, need a cake photo and it worked like a charm. So if you want to ask people for a favor, ask people to do something, or people to comply with your needs, having a picture with a cake opens up the birthday schema and they're likely to celebrate you. But you'll be posting thirst trap pictures when you need something. I don't see a lot of cake. I got all kinds of tricks in the bag, okay? Because I'm this bomb-ass woman and I can have you if I want you. Do you understand that? And if I like you enough, I'm gonna say, oh, I do kind of like him. Let me go in my recipe bag. Let me go in my tips and my little tricks that's going to enhance. Oh, he's a little shorter than me. Oh, S shape. Make him feel a little bit more confident, more secure. Let me be a little bit more flirtatious, soften things up. Like, do you understand what you want? Like, I can give it, like, when you know what you're doing, it feels good. I've been, you know, I went to Puerto Rico, about to get flew out to Las Vegas twice. For people listening who have not read the book yet, what is one thing you would want them to know before beginning? To have patience. I think it's really hard to have patience. And that was something that I did not have coming into this book. But I think also too, if I would have known that, I would have been like less anxious about how things were moving and like hitting goal points and trying to get to a point where I was just not reaching it what I thought was fast enough. But once I look back at the last year, I've realized that so much has changed for me that I just need a little bit of patience. I think for me because I've just whispered like, yes, in my ear just now. Shannon's turned on now. Because I read books and then I'm like, okay, I have all this knowledge and now I'm just going to put the book down and go on Twitter. But this is the book where you're actually going to have to apply like as you go along, like just just try it, just do it. If you can't just read it and then and then everything changes, you have to do it. Yeah, I like to echo what she was saying, like, I read like a ton of self help books because I love them so much. But like, I can just see myself reading Stan's book if I weren't in it, being like, Oh, this is so fun. This is so cool. And like, not even taking a pen to the book, you know what I mean? Like, you should definitely like, do the exercises. Otherwise, there's literally no point. And like, you should actually try to do the things that you're learning. But also, what Maya was saying is like, so legit, because like, I, I also, I also felt so much I also felt so much pressure to like meet these goals, like by certain times. And I was like, Oh, my God, there's only four weeks left. And like, I've only been on one date. And, you know, it's like stressful. But then now like looking back, like a full year later, like we've all changed, we're all like so much better for it, I think. And like, it's not about like immediate change. Find an accountability partner by two books. You saw that I got no play at all until the very end. What do you mean it opened with you? It opened. That's what the end like, like, you'll like, if you've read the book, you see, I actually don't make any connections. I go on all the the activities, all the experiments that I do everything. And I have no success until the very, very end. And then everything came into fruition. So it's like, even if you read this book, and you're applying everything, understand, and I hate, oh, I hate this. It's just not your time. I hate that sentiment. But it literally is. It's like, don't give up because I'm a person that have been said no to way too many times. And you, you put yourself down so much. And even you're like, Oh, all these girls, I can relate to them, but they're living these great lives. It might not just be your time just yet. So don't give up because it actually did happen for me. And I'm fun. Right. But it was fun the whole time. But like at home, I was sad and like, okay, they're going on dates. They're having and I'm reading all y'all's texts and stuff. And I'm like, well, what the fuck is wrong with me still? Like do I need my own part to the game of desire? Like what the fuck? And so it's like, even if you read this and you're applying it and you're still, you're probably still going to struggle. Like it's not just an overnight like success. Like if it happens, cool, if it doesn't cool still, like you're the, the, the value of it is really learning more so about yourself and learning different avenues to interact and connect with people. And I feel like I wasn't an expert at dating by time we like concluded, you know, after a couple of months, like I didn't feel like an expert, but it was more. And just to echo that, it's also don't compare yourself to other people because your journeys are all going to be very, very different. Right? Yeah. But it's not going to be like, all right, I read the book and book closed. I'm going to go out. I'm going to do all of these techniques at once. And you're so conscious, right? And you're just natural. Yeah, it's definitely a progression. D'Shawn told me a story recently where she was at a bar and both dudes on either end of the bar were trying to get at her. Shan will be so proud that I like went into a bar by myself and I'm just like, hey, like this guy and this guy was interested. And even when I was talking to the other guy, the other guy was still staring. So I was like, you can. And I love the fact that you're in crutches today because I didn't take that part away from you. You know what I mean? Like you're quirkiness. I'm still clumsy. Yes. But dating. Yes. Oh, and I don't have my braces. I was just going to say that earlier when I was at D'Shawn and then I got cut off. I mean, the distraction of the question has changed one from one. What are you doing? I'm marrying at your teeth this whole time waiting for the opportunity to say something. She said braces off the teeth and put a brace on her leg. Girl, you just love braces. All right. Second to last question. What would your friends say about your love life? That it's in shambles. You know, oh wait, back then. Today. I was like, Priscilla, can you improve? They just be glad that I'm not desperate to have one. Yes. Yes. I was actually just talking about this with my friend yesterday because we're just talking about the last year. I lived with her when we first started this whole thing. So she was like there in the beginning and like has seen a lot and she was like, you are so different. And she's like, your life has progressed so much in the last year. And I was like, I do think that having this like weird, I don't know, stability in dating has also helped me become more stable in other parts of my life. So speak to my purpose. And I think that there's such a just like an inward and external change that you get when you become more confident in things and that's going to seep out to other things. I think that's why I'm taking my time like in this whole dating thing and just enjoying it because now I know like, I don't have to settle. I don't have to be in a situation that's not serving me. So I'm kind of just playing the field and it's been fun. Yes. Didn't I just text you? I was because I was frustrated. I said, Shan taught us too well. I said, I can't even find a regular fuck buddy anymore. I'm like my standards went too high. And I'm like, she's making it difficult. I'm like, a year ago, I would be like, yes, absolutely. But I'm like, you're a bulldozer. You're talking way too much. And I'm like, turn off brain, turn off and get the day. I'm like, Shan, stop. It's harder now to like just like you saying this, like I'm taking my time and I'm enjoying it because it's like, I know these tools and what I want to use that benefit me. It is about empowering yourself first and not having to impress someone else. It's like, you are what I can bring to the table. Thank you. And thank you, Shan. Thank you guys. This was so incredibly loving. I want to just end this off by saying one of the criteria for being selected to be part of this book was that they couldn't have any media experience. Like the Harper Collins was very adamant about that because they didn't want anybody who was using this as an opportunity to get on. And so if they found out somebody had a blog, they could not be in the group. And so to sit here and to watch these women who don't do this fucking kill it on camera today and just be so relaxed and natural. I am incredibly in awe of you. I continue to be in awe of all of you guys.