 Hi everyone, I don't know if you can see me clearly here. I know it's a bit dark. I'm going to be talking about how the narcissist Manages to deceive you. How do they do it? A lot of people Come to me and they're so confused About how these narcissists managed to trick them they're thinking how did that happen to me I Thought I was smart. I didn't think I would be so stupid to be able to be tricked by these people and I Think it's very important to know That being tricked by a narcissist Really has nothing to do with a person's intelligence There are some really smart people out there Who have been deceived by narcissists? I've had clients that are psychologists Psychotherapists lawyers All kinds of people so Don't ever think That because you've been deceived by a narcissist That you're stupid Because it's it's just not true. It's nothing to do with intelligence at all You could be really smart and still Be tricked by them But how do they manage to deceive us? If it's nothing to do with intelligence, then what is it and I think what it is It's that they mirror us For us to even take notice of them They have to display Some kind of significance to us They have to be relevant and For someone to be relevant to you They have to act like they have something in common with you. They have to act like they're on the same page When someone comes to you and they act like they're interested in the same things and They share the same perspectives as you do Your walls are gonna be down You're gonna be far more welcome welcome into them Rather than if it's someone who has nothing in common with you They don't agree with anything you say or believe in You might even be resistant to that kind of person But the way that the narcissist manages to get in Is by mirroring you and Acting like you have so much in common Acting like you're on the same page That's how they managed to deceive you but of course We have to take responsibility as well How did we manage to get deceived? As I said before it has nothing to do with intelligence Maybe you felt lonely Maybe you just wanted some company Maybe you just wanted to feel accepted by someone You wanted a sense of belonging. I think more often than not What happens with victims of this Is that they are feeling lonely and These narcissists can sense your loneliness. They know when you're looking for some company They know when you're looking for someone just to be there for you they just know it they can sense it It's like they have this sex sense They're predators It's like a shark that can smell blood Narcissists need to survive and to survive they need food They need fuel so it's like they've they've come with this this built-in Sex sense This predatory sense To be able to detect what you are missing What you are deficient in and like the phonies they are They will come around you and Acts like they've got what you want They're like like They're the missing piece to the puzzle and what I'm saying about taking responsibility here is that You need to recognize That no person or thing is The missing piece to your puzzle that missing piece that you've been looking for It was inside you the entire time So I think it's important to recognize that That's what I mean when I when I say taking responsibility because although These narcissists may play their part in deceiving us We have to take responsibility because what's stopping it from happening again and again We have to do our part to protect ourselves, too But this is how they managed to deceive us By coming around us Acting like we've got so much in common acting like we're on the same page and Then a few weeks or months go by And it's like you can't agree on anything. It's like you have nothing in common You just can't see eye to eye because When they first met you It was all about fulfilling their needs It was about securing you as their supply So they portrayed a false character to you They acted as though They agreed with you Even though secretly They didn't and that's how they managed to keep you around because it's just The way we are as humans We want to be around people who agree with us if you watched a video on YouTube And you didn't agree with anything it said You probably wouldn't subscribe to that youtuber, but I'm sure many of you Have watched my videos before And you agree with the things that I say and so you subscribe Because we share the same views we agree on a lot of things and that's the game that these narcissists are trying to play By acting like they agree with you hoping that maybe It will make you want to subscribe to them, but then it's like a few weeks or months later Now they're posting all of these crazy videos that have nothing to do With what you saw when you subscribe to them And you're wondering how did they change So quickly and in such an extreme way Well, actually they were just like that the entire time But in the beginning they just showed you What they thought you wanted to see because they knew that was Going to be an effective way to lure you in so that's how these narcissists managed to deceive you We've got a new Series on YouTube now. It's called dealing with narcissists. I Posted episode one last night, so Definitely check that out. It's an opportunity for survivors to Share their success stories or Anything that they believe can help other survivors if you are Interested in being in the future episodes Please send me an email Coaching at narcsurvivor.co.uk. That's all for this video We do have The premier starting in about half an hour So I look forward to seeing you there