 Hi everybody and welcome back to our blog from the Kamasutra to 2020 where we respond to your questions, your concerns, even your worries around all things to do with sex and sexuality. So as always we have with us Dr. Anvita Madan Behel. Anvita is a psychosexual therapist and she brings the psychological and clinical perspective to the advice of the Kamasutra. Welcome Anvita. Thank you Seema and welcome to our blog this week. So Anvita today I have for you not one, not two, not five questions but 1,632 questions. Wow. Yeah, would you believe in the last four weeks, four and a half weeks I received 1,632 messages on the same subject, which is NOFAP. And this NOFAP has become such a trending movement, such a popular movement, obviously, because the emails have come from across the board. So they've come from both men and women and literally of every age group. The youngest has been a 16 year old and the oldest has been a 72 year old. So you can see that almost everybody is being impacted with it by this in some way or the other. But what's interesting is that in all the questions that people have asked, there is one underlying factor that has come through in every single message and that is that there's no real information on this movement. There's no actual guidance on this concept. And there just seems to be, it seems to be something that's almost sort of spiraling out of control and everybody is being drawn into it. So Anvita, what do you have to say about NOFAP? Let's define it or describe it to our viewers who've not heard the term NOFAP, which is now a trademark term. It's actually been, you know, it is a trademark term now. It basically means no masturbation. It started as a movement in America where it started as a challenge amongst friends who were saying, oh, let's see who cannot masturbate and how long can you not masturbate? Let's just interrupt you one second. You said it started in America, not in India. No, no, it started in America. There is one question that I can take off right away because a few people have written in and said that it's come from our old shastras, it's come from our old texts and, you know, it's part of our dharma, it's part of our faith and therefore we should be practicing it. So I think that's the first thing that we can actually take off this particular list of questions. Yeah, it is a recent phenomena. It is not something that was in there in ancient times. It is, it's in the, I would say it's even after 2010 or something that this movement started. I couldn't tell the exact year, but it is recent and it started as a challenge amongst friends about who could resist masturbation and now it's become a big movement. And this is basically individual saying that they have positive response to giving up masturbation and then they feel there's a difference in their psychological, emotional, physical or sexual well-being and therefore they think people should give up masturbation, which is contrary in some ways, you know, to us in the psychosexual world where we really believe that, you know, masturbation is healthy, it's normal, it's the part of life. And if we think about it from just when you were describing the question, obviously a 16 year old is thinking about masturbation and a 72 year old is thinking about masturbation. So it just tells us how common and natural masturbation is. Yeah, absolutely. So you mentioned that people have said that it has helped them emotionally, psychologically, mentally, etc. Through their stories that they've told about NOFAP, but that the psychosexual world does not necessarily agree with that because that's what most of the questions are based on about whether it's going to be good for their mental health or their physical health, etc. Yeah, so what has happened is that all these experiences and I feel like it has kind of a cult feeling because people who do believe in it like go on so convincingly saying that this is something should be followed. But there is, it is not backed by any research or any science. There's no science or there's no research or there's been no research study that has proven that this is true. It is purely a movement where individuals feel like it's really helped them and and then they try and convince other people that they should follow it. But I honestly feel that people should really think about why is it important for them? Why are they interested in giving this up? Why are they interested in giving up sexual pleasure before just following a movement just because it's trending and exists? Okay, so one of the questions actually that I've got over here because this has been in lots of the emails. What exactly is the parameters of NOFAP? Is it that it's just about masturbating? Is it about not masturbating to one? Is it about celibacy? Because there's a whole bunch of people now talking about how they've become completely celibate and that's come under the NOFAP umbrella. Or is it actually about, some people have written in and said that they want to try and retain their semen so when they're making love that they don't ejaculate very quickly. And they're putting that under the NOFAP umbrella as well. So I don't know what the larger umbrella is, but what I will do is I'll define the three, four terms that you use. NOFAP basically meant no masturbation. Some people felt it was no masturbation to pornography. So I assume that meant that they could masturbate to fantasy or thought or idea. And then obviously this idea of celibacy, which basically means that you engage with nothing that is sexual. So there's no penetrative sex or there's no any other kind of sexual experience because you're celibate. And then semen retention, which is completely different because what that is is basically saying that you don't ejaculate. So that means you would engage in sexual pleasures. You would have an orgasm. All you're doing is controlling your ejaculate so that you don't, you know, the semen doesn't come out of your body. And so that is completely different. Obviously the movement has become really big. So I can't for sure answer what comes under the big NOFAP umbrella. But these terms mean different things. And I think people should decide what they want to follow. So I think what's happened is that there's a lot of, there's a lot of big names, you know, influencers and people that generally we look up to. You know, especially in the social media world who have started to follow this movement and they're actually suggesting that it's a good thing. And I think so hence people are wanting to actually follow in their path because they see these amazing people who they look up to icons in social media, who actually stand for something and they feel that if they can do it and they can succeed with it, then maybe they should be also following in this in their footsteps. But for instance, I had this one email from a 17 year old who says that he was told that it was going to be absolutely amazing for him. But what's actually happened is that he is now in a really bad state because all he's doing is using up all his energy to not masturbate. And he can't focus on his studies and he's finding that he's a lot more tired. Yeah, so if we think about adolescents in some ways and 17 year old is a young adult, he's just coming off puberty and adolescence and everything where the body is actually changing to get ready for the next phase of life, which is the reproductive or the sexual life right and the hormones are changing the body is changing the shape of your body is changing the muscles are coming and everything. And what is happening in your body is so involuntary, even though there's some young men who won't engage in masturbation, but they will still experience web dreams or night falls, or they will have involuntary erections you know erections at the wrong time we always hear about it. So so much is happening in the body right now the ideas of romance and partners and relationships, all of them are getting birth right now it's exciting time you're having crushes on people you're discussing the opposite of the same sex depending on your choice. And in some ways when you're choosing this movement, you're resisting all of this, you know, all of this. So I can imagine why this young man is saying that all his energy is going because I'm guessing that he's spending his whole day trying to resist what is normal course of life and how difficult that must be for him. Absolutely sometimes wonder how all the influences are like have they crossed this time of life being there done that and now chosen this part. But you know young adolescent boys or young men are choosing this path and how much more difficult it is for them versus somebody who is in the 30s or 40s. So you know it's interesting because again this is something what you just said that you know you're coming into that part of your life your body is changing this is involuntary. And a lot of people again have written in and said, we really want to follow this no fat movement we really don't want to do this but constantly, you know without wanting it involuntarily we're getting erections. And then the general gist of the email is that they've ended up feeling very guilty because they feel they failed. So, you know, it really is sort of putting a lot of pressure on people of that of that age group or maybe of any age group because if the body responds without their without them wanting to respond if it just responds automatically. They feel that they've done something wrong. Then we have another. I just want to. Sorry, sorry. I go ask the question baby. No I was just going to say because you know, it really connects to the idea of sexuality is one of the four five realms of our personally right we have an emotional realm of physical realm of spiritual realm and intellectual realm and a sexual like the reality is everybody is a sexual being. So, what is the reason that we are saying this is, you know, this part of our life this part of our being, we're actually going to resist we're going to go against we're not going to, you know, really indulge ourselves in and one really needs to think about what is the reason that you're choosing this path. What is the rationale behind choosing this path. So I know that in ancient times there's many many stories from our ancient mythology that actually talk about the fact that semen. So the male fluids were made up primarily of minerals and vitamins, and that 60% of it is actually minerals and vitamins and every time you expend it. It takes about three days for the body to build it up again now. I know that this was said a long time ago, I don't know, you know, new research comes out all the time so this might have changed altogether. But I guess in the times gone by, when they're still trying to set up a new civilization they're trying to create a population. Maybe it was important to think that the semen had to be preserved so that it was used only for love making and for producing children, as opposed to for mere pleasure. But then, like I said, I don't know, you know, I mean going back to the Kamasutra. This was not the belief this is a belief that comes up a little bit later in our mythologies. So I don't know is that true is that if you sort of expend the semen then it just takes a long time for it to come back or does it become less maybe. No, and that's a big myth and we really struggled with that myth when we would do comprehensive sexuality education because there is so much morality around from society from religion from all those things around against masturbation. We really have to break that myth that actually masturbation leads to, you know, problems in virility or fertility or it's going to impact the man's masculinity in some ways. None of those are true semen is something that is produced from when you hit puberty to till the end of life, you know, maybe the quality of the semen or the quantity of the semen or the time it takes might change. But that has got, like we spoke in our previous video, that's going to do with the life cycle of the reproductive organs of the man. It's got nothing to do with masturbation. There's no correlation there. So it is a myth and there are so many myths around masturbation. So and you were talking about punishment earlier, and I do worry if people are making this choice out of the whole morality or, you know, morality around sex and sexuality about how it's a bad thing and bad people engage in sex. And I hope that's not where it's coming from because then it lands up looking like punishment or guilt when you engage in something that's normal and natural. Absolutely. So you know, all these things, whatever you're saying, it seems to be answering a lot of these questions, but so much of this has been thrown up. So for instance, one man had written that he's actually done this now for three months in the first month. He was feeling absolutely brilliant. He felt a lot of energy. He felt that this was really great for him. The subsequent two months have been hell. He says he's lost weight. He's become depressed. And he just feels he's becoming ill. He's feeling nauseous all the time. He can't eat properly. And I'm just thinking, if that is the case, why is he still holding onto this thing? Why is he still doing it? I mean, I don't understand if you can see that you're feeling ill with something. Why carry on doing it? Yeah. And that's why I wonder if it is got to do more with, you know, societal views around sex and sexuality than actually individual, you know, actually feeling good about themselves because this person is obviously not feeling good about themselves or their body is not responding in a positive way. Added to that is one of the things that people who follow the NOFAC movement say is that it increases testosterone levels. And what research has shown us is that there's short clips of increase in testosterone levels that is maybe for a week, but over the long term actually testosterone levels, you know, they just come back to the normal level that is required by the body. So they actually do not increase if you give up masturbation. Okay, so that's a really, that's a really good point. Actually, I'm glad you said that because a lot of people were actually saying that we feel that masturbating too much has actually led us to having weaker erections and the fact that we're not going to be able to reproduce properly because that's what they've been told. So at least we know now that the medical communities say that it does not actually impact your testosterone levels long term in any way. No, it has no reaction. So holding back is not going to make it better. Well, holding back from masturbation is going to make, you know, just like that's the NOFAC movement. It's important to think about the benefits of masturbation, right? Like why do we think it's normal and natural? Because it gives a release to people, it reduces stress, it's a part of connecting to one sex and sexuality. You start understanding yourself better. It is preparing you to your sexual life in the future. It is also, it has been seen in men that it actually decreases the chances of prostate cancer in some ways. It helps you with better sleep. It helps you fantasize, you know, more and gives rise to fantasies. So there are a lot of benefits of masturbation. And so I really, if I had to suggest one thing to people who were considering it, I would say, step back and try and understand what is the purpose behind you choosing this movement? Because you're going to give up something that happens normally. It's been happening for years gone by. People have been engaging with it. So what and why are you choosing to give it up? There is a debate around pornography and masturbation. We are not debating pornography here. We are debating masturbation, which are two different topics in some ways. Absolutely. And actually that was going to be my next question because most of them have written in and said, what are the benefits of NOFAC? So I guess you've just listed the benefits of actually masturbating. And there are some scientifically proven benefits to that. But science and the medical field have not yet come up with proven research that NOFAC is beneficial. That it might be to specific people over a specific period of time, but not necessarily to everybody and certainly not all the time. And that actually brings me to the next thing, which is that, you know, is there, I guess the other thing because people have been saying that there's no guidance on it. And I think that's the nub of the matter. You know, that's the real crux of it, isn't it? How long do you practice it? How long do you just go on and on? Is it forever? Is it for a month? I mean, if you had to suggest to somebody that, OK, fine, you're going to do this, what would you say about time spans? What I would say is that it is what we know is that individuals have said it benefited them. So what that means is that you as an individual need to try it, see if it has benefits for you. If it does have benefits for you, you can decide how long you want to continue. Like once again, I'll go back to my point. What is the reason to deprive yourself of an important aspect of human sexuality? Like why are you doing it? So you answer that for yourself individually. And what is the course you want to take? If it is not working for you for whatever reason, like we've heard in the several examples, then it's not something that you need to continue. Like there is no guilt and shame in masturbating. So why would you follow a movement that is not working for you? And also what people are not aware of is that a lot of people are choosing this, but we don't know the backstory. We don't know the backstory that was there a problem? Was there a psychological problem? Was there a physical problem? Were they being unable to have sex? Did they have sexual dysfunction and erectile dysfunction where sex was causing a lot of stress? And obviously if you say, oh, I'm going to give up masturbation, I'm going to become celibate, suddenly that stress is removed. Or we had a more complex case where somebody was masturbating to violent form and there was an abuse history in their case. So they thought they were masturbating to their abuse. Now that's complex, right? But I can see why not masturbating was the best thing for this individual. So don't follow it blindly. You don't know the individual backstories of the people who are saying it's working for them. And some of those individuals might not know that they actually have a medical, physical or emotional problem. And actually that is why not masturbating is helping them. So don't follow it blindly. And I think that's really good advice and I hope everybody out there is listening to this. Now I want to bring you to an even deeper point. Now we generally talk about this movement connected to men. I have had several emails from girls saying that this has become a huge movement, trending movement amongst women. And that it's become so much about peer pressure that youngsters who are either in college or just past college are being told, young girls, that if they don't actually follow it, they're out of the friendship group. Now with men, you know, when they masturbate or when they have an orgasm or they have an erection, it's a very physical thing. And the release of that orgasm or that release of that erection is also a physical thing. With women, it's not even physical. So I mean, how does this even come into the realm of female pleasure? How do you not do it? You know, because being women, we know that you can actually fantasize in the mind and there is absolutely no impact anywhere on the body. So what do you stop for women? Well, and for me, I really worry like the longest movement ever has been for women to be okay with masturbation. It's taken so long to change that mindset where masturbation was always seen as a male thing. And when you would even mention it to your girlfriends or women, they would say, women masturbate, women don't masturbate. Like, ooh, how could you say that or how do you know, how can you say something like that? And more and more women now accept that they masturbate, enjoy masturbation, actually talk about it, indulge with it. So I actually am saddened by the idea that now once again, something else has come and imposed itself on women's sexuality, which is so inhibited and restricted anyway. So it actually saddens me that there are women who are now feeling the pressure that they have to give it up in some ways. But you're right, Seema, in some ways I feel like it's something that is trending. And to your point, it's not even not that it has an impact, but women's masturbation is not even connected to testosterone levels. It's not even connected to estrogen or something in your body. So in some ways, it is blindly following a movement and it's got nothing to do with muscle mass and everything. People who believe in NOFAB talk about muscle mass and building muscle and all those things. And those things are not correlated for women. So I think it's really important that as women, if you're choosing this path, then please go research what are the benefits of giving up masturbation. What are actually the medical scientific benefits of actually doing something like that before agreeing. And if they're telling you to be out of the friendship circle, then actually they're the ones who are missing out on life than you. So stop masturbating for friends who actually are missing out. No, it's just, you know, the questions, like I said, it was the sheer volume of questions that actually got me thinking and actually got me quite concerned. Because you're thinking about all of these people who are trying this new trend and making themselves thoroughly miserable over it. So my next question is about the guidance. Now, this is one of the things that everybody's come back saying that there's no information, there's no guidance. So even if somebody wants to try it, even if it's just for a short while, people don't really know how to go about doing it. So if you had to advise somebody who comes to you and says, I would like to try the NOFAB movement even for a little while, what would you advise them? Firstly, don't come to me if you're going to try the NOFAB movement. But secondly, that's an unfair statement that I've had clients who believed in the NOFAB movement. What I would say is that try and not engage in activities that give you arousal. Because this is not a punishment like we've spoken about it before. Don't make it a punishment. Anything that we're going to try out, if it becomes a punishment or we're always feeling like pressured by it or guilty about it, stressed about it. We're not going to enjoy the process or we're not going to see the benefits. So a diabetic will not go to a candy store every day because it will take so much willpower to not eat all the desserts and candies in some ways. So they will try and not put themselves in that situation. Similarly, don't put yourself in a situation which leads to arousal. That could mean watching or engaging in material that is arousing. Or if you have a partner or somebody that arouses you, then try not meeting them for that little bit of time. Because all that's going to do is that you're going to feel aroused and then it's going to be even more difficult not to masturbate. So this is a movement. It's not the pasya. You're not going to have divine intervention by doing this. So this is not the pasya. Don't make it hard for yourself. Make it simpler for yourself. You know, that's really good advice actually that don't put yourself in the way of temptation. If you want to try this, it is something that you have to restrain yourself from thinking. Even if the mind or the body automatically feels something, you're trying to stop it from happening. So yeah, don't tempt yourself. It is sad that it could be that we're talking about young people who might be in a relationship and holding back for a little while might make them a little bit more susceptible to feeling aroused when they're with the partner. So it will be a little bit sad, maybe a little bit difficult that you're having to distance yourself from your partner for a short while, et cetera. But if you really want to try it, you're serious about trying it. Try to spend a little bit of time away from any kind of temptation. The other thing I wanted to ask was that sometimes a man can have an erection, but they don't necessarily have to do anything about it. And after a little while, it can actually just simmer down as well, can't it? Yeah. So erections have got nothing to do with masturbation. We have involuntary erections all the time. It happens with adolescent boys. Irrelevant material like a pot of a flowering pot or a desk can suddenly lead to erections. So there's no correlation. And also, we have morning erections in men, which has got nothing to do with sex and sexuality. That is just the blood flow in the vein. So erections don't mean masturbation. If we have to masturbate, we obviously have to stimulate our mind and our emotions for that act to happen and to physically stimulate our penis for, you know, ejaculation to take place. So erections and masturbation are not linked as in if you get what I mean, obviously they're linked. Actually, that's a really good point because a lot of people, again, what they've written in about is this involuntary erection. So it's not that they're getting to that point by masturbating or bringing themselves to it. They're actually getting these involuntary erections and they're looking at that as a sign of failure to what they've done. So I'm glad you actually said that because now we can at least say to our listeners that, okay, no fap is it's just about when you masturbate. So if your body has a natural reaction to something and you get an erection, that is not a failure from trying the no fap movement. That is an automatic body reaction. You can also leave it to go down on its own. You don't necessarily then have to do something about bringing it to its final ejaculation. Well, and also that there is a physiological reason to have involuntary erections. The morning erections are not sexual. The morning erection is the penis having a lot of the blood in the penis at that time. So there are certain times that there are physiological reasons that you're having an erection and not sexual reasons behind it. Okay, so I think that that actually should hopefully clear it up because, you know, a lot of them who hadn't written in about involuntary erections, it was about morning erections. So I think it's just amazing, you know how these are such tiny little details, but nobody actually ever talks about them and we are left feeling this terrible sense of guilt and shame and sinfulness. And it's such a simple answer. If somebody was just just give it to you. Yeah, as you know, and that's why it's the lack of conversation. And, and, you know, as we wrap up the video also it is that because movements can come in because we're not really aware or talking about sexual things. Anybody can come and say, Oh, you know, this changed my life. And people will just follow it because unlike a keto diet or something or, you know, somebody coming in saying you must follow this. People actually have a conversation with their family or, you know, people and say, Do you think this is healthy? Do you think it's not healthy? They might speak to teachers, doctors, professionals, whatever. But when it comes to sex and sexuality just becomes such an individual thing. And people are scared to discuss it to talk about it that they then just feel like they have to follow it or just search it up on Google and really not have an intellectual or discussion with people. So I think in closing, just to reiterate some of the advice that I was giving, one is that no fact is literally the act of not masturbating. Please understand this. It's not your, it's not about celibacy as we know it from the way that it started. It's not about an automatic reaction of the body like the morning erections, etc., which are merely a physiological phenomenon in the body. This is actually the act of consciously masturbating. So if you want to follow the NOFAP movement, that is what you are trying to do is not consciously masturbate. Number two, if it is not working for you, by all means try it, why not try anything once. If it is not working for you, you have to stop it. You have to understand that this is not at the past. It is not one of those things that you go out there to say that you're going to punish yourself. And if you punish yourself, then you will, you will reach this level of energy or this will happen to you. It is not a punishment. It's not at the past. Try it. If it is not working for you, please stop it. Don't make yourself sick and certainly don't make yourself depressed over it. Women, we really believe that if you actually don't want to masturbate, that is again completely a choice that you should be able to make. It is your choice to make. But this idea of not masturbating needs to be understood as to why you are doing it. If you feel that there are benefits to you, by all means try it, but please understand why you are actually doing it. And finally, this idea of the energy spike, a lot of people say that initially they'll get this energy spike and so on. You know, if you change anything of your normal habit to something else, almost anything will give you an energy spike to begin with. Like Anvita said, for the first month, you might feel that your testosterone levels are higher, that your fluids are stronger, etc. After a little while, everything comes right back. So holding back is not going to make your erection stronger or your testosterone levels higher. Everything balances out in the end. Is there anything that I've left out, Anvita? No, I think you covered everything. But what I just realized is that you're holding back for a sexual pleasure ultimately. So why hold back in the first place, you know? So only thing I would like to end with is that masturbation is normal, natural. It is common amongst men and women. So really think hard before joining the movement. And the fact that it is not like you just said, it's natural, it's normal. We want you to realize it is not sinful. You know, we talk about energy. A lot of people who have written in have said that people who've tried it have got huge spikes of energy that they're hoping that they will get a huge spike of energy. You know, we believe that the energy arises from the Moldhar chakra, which is the base chakra. It's right at the bottom of your spine, just under your bottom, under the tailbone. And if you imagine this rise of energy as that goes up your body, it is going to energize everything along the way. You know, when you take a breath, when that oxygen flows around your body, it goes to every part of your body. It doesn't say, I am not going to that part of the body because that's where the sexual organs are and that's a bad place to be. When the energy arises from the Moldhar chakra, it will energize every part of the body. And the first thing it goes past is your sexual organs. So don't punish yourself for something that is normal and natural. If you want to try the movement, if you want to try the no fat movement, we wish you good mental and physical health as you try it. But please do not compromise your mental and physical health in trying to do something that is not natural to you. As always, at the end of the video, please do like, comment and subscribe. If you have any questions, send them in to info.seema.anand. And if you wish to contact Anvita on a clinical consultation, please get in touch with her on anvita madanbehealth.com. We'll see you here next week. We'll see you next week.